Resurrection
by JudasFm
Summary: Movieverse. Eighteen months after L's death, Soichiro receives an email from him asking for help. When he arrives, he finds L sick and sleeping rough on the streets of Aomori. Determined to help, Soichiro ends up taking him into his own home and, as L slowly begins to trust him, learning some shocking truths about the young detective's background along the way. Please R&R!
1. Email From Beyond The Grave

**Two things you need to know before you read this:**

**1. **This _Death Note_ fic is based on the live-action movies, as I've never seen the anime (working my way through it) and have only just begun reading the manga. I just thought it was fair to mention that :)

**2.** Despite the impression, this is not intended to be an AU fic. Events up to here have panned out as they did in the two movies (_L: Change the World _also happened, but closer to the book version than the film). Not wanting to give away any spoilers, I'll just say that I will explain the main events at some point during this fic, so please bear with me ;)

* * *

**MAY 31 - JUNE 1**

_Yagami-san,_

_Forgive my contacting you like this after the Kira case, but I find myself in urgent need of your services. Please drive to the Hana Cafe in Aomori this Friday and meet me in the third alley on the left (opposite the sakura) at noon. Sorry, I can't offer you any candy kebab this time._

_Cordially yours,_

_L/Ryuzaki_

There were three things wrong with this email, Soichiro Yagami thought as he stared at it.

The first was that L never set up face-to-face meetings. A very select few may be permitted to meet with him, but a casual email inviting you to meet up for a quick chat was not L's style.

The second was that Hana was a popular name for cafes in Japan, and the chances were good that there were several in Aomori and Soichiro had no way of knowing which one the writer was referring to.

The third, of course, was that L happened to be dead.

Soichiro studied the email again. It was an imposter, that much was obvious, but while everyone knew about L, very few people knew the alias Ryuzaki and he suspected _nobody_ knew about the candy kebabs, much less the fact that L had once offered him one.

_L_. That young man was never far from his thoughts for long. A decent family man to the core, Soichiro had felt a kind of paternal pull towards L that had started from the first moment he'd laid eyes on him. He didn't know what the rest of the Task Force had seen during that rather unorthodox introduction, but all he'd seen was a young man. An amazing young man, a young man with a phenomenal mind, but still just a young man for all that. A young man with hopes, thoughts, dreams, feelings...a young man who could have gone on to do so much more. Who could have _been_ so much more.

_You should have lived_.

Soichiro leaned forward, resting his head on his hand. To his surprise, he'd grieved for L almost as much as he had Light.

_You should have lived...and I should have listened_.

Had he known that Light was Kira? Deep down, had he known? He wanted to believe that the answer was _no_, that he'd never suspected his own son of such a thing, but that didn't work. You could be a good father in that situation, or a good police officer, but—no. No, either way he'd been a lousy police officer, because either he'd let his family ties distort his judgment or he'd been too much of a coward to do what had to be done. All he wanted to do was protect his son.

He'd had no idea that in protecting Light, he would sacrifice L.

He'd done it in the end, though, hadn't he? He'd arrested his own son, although it had torn his heart in two to do it. But that, oh, that was _nothing_ to the pain he'd felt when Light had ordered Ryuk to kill everyone in that room, Soichiro included. The sheer casualness with which Light brushed his father's life away still caused Soichiro to wake up in a cold sweat sometimes. He could never get back to sleep on those nights and so he would always slide out of bed, careful not to wake Sachiko, go downstairs and drink coffee until it was time to go to work. He couldn't summon up any kind of enthusiasm lately; even when Sayu came out with top marks in her examinations, not just in her school but in the whole of the Tokyo area, Soichiro's congratulations hadn't been as heartfelt as usual.

At the back of his mind was the vague knowledge that he was depressed. He supposed he should do something about it, but he couldn't seem to summon the energy needed to care.

"Yagami-_bucho_?"

Soichiro looked up to see Matsuda standing in front of him. He must not have heard the kid knock.

"Yes?" He actually liked Matsuda. Out of the task force – disbanded shortly after Kira's death – Matsuda was the only member who treated Soichiro as though nothing had happened. The older man thought if he had to suffer the commiseration and silent pity from the other members for much longer, he would go mad.

"I...got a letter yesterday. Regarding the Kira case."

Soichiro's attention sharpened. Had this person contacted Matsuda as well?

"Oh?"

Matsuda shifted his weight, looking like a man who had just run over his kid's puppy.

"They...they heard about the...well, they heard about my shooting."

Soichiro nodded. That wasn't surprising; he'd mentioned it in his report.

"Go on," he said.

"And they're giving me a medal."

Soichiro was silent. Mistaking his boss' reaction for anger, Matsuda hurried on.

"Of course, I'll write back and tell them I don't want it, that—"

"No." So that was it. Matsuda was embarrassed at having to accept a medal for shooting Soichiro's son. Yet his quick thinking and shooting – and give the kid his due, his marksmanship on that first shot had been nothing short of phenomenal – had saved at least one person's life. Soichiro always tried not to think about whose name Light had been writing on that scrap of Death Note.

"You...did the right thing," Soichiro said, forcing the words out. It would have been the right thing if Kira had been a complete stranger. The fact that Kira had been Soichiro's own son didn't change that. He was a little surprised that it had taken eighteen months for the medal award to be finalized, but that was bureaucracy for you.

"So...may I have the third of November off work, Yagami-_bucho_? For the ceremony?"

"Yes, that's fine. In the meantime, tell me what you think of this email." Soichiro turned the monitor around. He didn't want to forward it on; Matsuda had a habit of occasionally leaving his email up and running.

He could pinpoint the exact moment when Matsuda finished reading it; the younger man's entire face lit up.

"Ryuzaki's _alive_?"

"No, he can't be. But—"

"But this email's signed by him! _And_ he knows about the candy kebabs!"

"Anyone who met Ryuzaki would know about the candy kebabs," Soichiro pointed out. "Whatever this is about, the email is quite specific; it says to wait until—"

"Oh, forget waiting! If he knows there's a third alley on the left at _all _and it's opposite some sakura or other, then he's there already! Yagami-_bucho_, you have to go, or if you don't, I will! I haven't used all of my paid vacation time this year, only that week when Tomo-_chan_ and I went up to Sapporo for the snow festival and I can drive up to Aomori—"

"Matsuda!"

Matsuda shut his mouth with a snap.

"Sorry," he said meekly, then his emotions got the better of him and he burst out, "But you _have_ to go! You have to see if it's Ryuzaki and—"

"Matsuda, Ryuzaki is _dead_."

"Well, someone emailed you using his name and requesting a meeting. Yagami-_bucho_, you can't ignore this! What if he found a way around it? What if he tricked all of us, not just Kira? And what if it _is_ him and he needs help? How are you going to feel when you find out? You _have_ to go!"

Soichiro got the definite impression that if he had been anyone else, the younger man would have grabbed him and physically bundled him out of the door there and then. Since not even Matsuda would dare such a familiarity towards the head of his department, all he could do was stand there with a beseeching look on his face.

"And Ryuzaki really _could_ be—" Matsuda began again.

"No," Soichiro interrupted as kindly as he could. Better not to give the kid false hope. "He couldn't. I saw him die."

"No you didn't. You left just before it happened, at his request."

"It still happened, Matsuda." Soichiro was quiet for a few seconds, then said, "But I do want to find out who sent this email. None of the Task Force would do this for a joke, so it must be someone who was very close to Ryuzaki."

"There _could_ be more than one L," Matsuda suggested, although not with any conviction.

"That wouldn't explain how this one knew about the candy kebab Ryuzaki offered me. I'll drive up there tomorrow. It's a shame Watari's dead; he might have been able to explain this."

"Yeah, well, I never liked him anyway."

Soichiro blinked rapidly, then looked up at Matsuda, not sure if he'd heard right. Such a condemnatory statement coming from a junior officer to a senior one was rather unprofessional. Such a statement coming from _Matsuda_ was downright alarming.

"Sorry?" he said.

"Watari." Just the thought made the normally cheerful Matsuda's lips tighten into a thin line. "How I got through that investigation without punching that smug face of his, I'll never know."

Surprises were coming thick and fast today. Soichiro had never heard any kind of condemnation come out of Matsuda's mouth before, and now about Watari of all people! He could understand Matsuda not being fond of _L_ – who had found the police officer extremely irritating and not bothered to conceal the fact – but what had _Watari_ ever done to upset him? If there was a quieter, politer, more unobtrusive man than Watari, Soichiro didn't know who it was.

"Did something happen during the investigation that I wasn't aware of?" he asked.

Matsuda shifted his weight. He may have been impulsive, but he wasn't known for gossiping.

"Do you remember the time I left my mobile phone behind?"

"Which time would that be?" Soichiro asked, a little waspishly. Matsuda wasn't known for being well-organized either.

"The first time. After Ryuzaki suggested putting cameras in the houses. I went back to get it, only when I got to the suite, I heard Ryuzaki and Watari having an argument."

_It must have been one hell of an argument_, Soichiro thought, _for Matsuda to hear it through the door_.

"What did they say?" he asked.

Matsuda shifted his weight. "I don't think I should repeat it, not all the time Ryuzaki could still be alive."

_Wonderful. Now he's not just naïve and overenthusiastic, he's deluded. I should have kept my mouth shut._

"But he's not, and you know that," he reminded Matsuda.

"I'd still like to find out for sure, Yagami-_bucho_. When you've met with him and you've seen it isn't him, then I'll tell you everything I heard if you still want to hear it. If there's still the slightest chance he could be alive—"

"—which there _isn't—_"

"_I know_!" Matsuda exploded, then wilted. "Sorry. I'm sorry. But I'm still not comfortable passing it on until I know for sure."

And that, Soichiro knew, was that. Matsuda had very strong principles and wouldn't compromise them without a good reason. Soichiro suspected that the younger man would rather be suspended than obey an order to do something he perceived as being morally wrong. Besides, he only wanted to know what Matsuda had overheard for the sake of his own curiosity, and that could wait to be satisfied until he'd met this fake L.

"Alright," he said aloud. "Dismissed."

Matsuda bowed and walked toward the door, then hesitated.

"Yagami-_bucho_?"

"What now?"

"I...about what I overheard. It made me wonder about something, and I think there's one thing you might want to consider before you go."

"And what might that be?" Soichiro didn't bother trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.

"When I heard that argument and some of the things they were yelling, well, I couldn't help wondering about...certain things." Matsuda hesitated, then blurted out, "Yagami-_bucho_, do you think Ryuzaki _wanted_ to be a detective?"

The question was unexpected enough to startle Soichiro out of his irritation.

"I never really thought about it," he answered.

"No. Me neither." Matsuda was silent for a few seconds, then said very quietly, "Maybe we should have."

Turning, he walked out, closing the door on a puzzled Soichiro.

* * *

At five am the next morning, Soichiro left for Aomori, wondering why the hell this mystery person had insisted on his _driving_ up there. What the hell was wrong with the trains, or even a connecting flight?

The drive itself wasn't too bad, all things considered. At any rate, he reached Aomori six and a half hours later and started driving around the city, looking for the cafe mentioned in the email. Matsuda was right; there was no point in waiting until Friday when he could go today, and at least if he found the cafe, he could ask if anyone had seen...well, whoever was pretending to be L.

It took him another forty minutes before he found one cafe that seemed to fit the very limited description he had. Soichiro pulled into a handy parking spot and just sat in the car for a few minutes, massaging the back of his neck. Not used to long drives, he was decidedly stiff and there was an annoying throbbing just behind his eyes. He'd have to find a hotel here; there was no way he could face the drive back to Tokyo on the same day. In fact, it might not be a bad idea to stay until Friday, if he couldn't touch base with whoever wanted to meet him before then. He'd taken the rest of the week off, just in case.

Soichiro opened the door and stepped out, relishing the sensation of being able to stretch his legs again. He wasn't used to long-distance driving and hadn't stopped once on the trip up.

Once he'd worked some feeling back into his legs, he strode into the Hana Cafe, which was mostly empty. When a smiling waitress came towards him, Soichiro showed her his ID as surreptitiously as possible.

"Soichiro Yagami, police. I'm looking for someone; skinny, dark hair, dark eyes, very pale, probably with dark circles under his eyes. I believe he may have been in here or around the area earlier today." He wished he had a photograph of L. _Skinny_ would help, as would _pale_ and _dark circles_, but _dark hair _and _dark eyes_ wasn't much help when you were looking for someone in Japan.

The waitress thought for a few moments, then nodded slowly.

"I think I've seen someone around who looks like that, yes."

A curious roaring filled Soichiro's ears.

"You're sure?" he said.

"It might not be the person you're looking for, Yagami-_san_, but I remember seeing a pale guy with dark circles under his eyes. I've seen him sleeping on steps a few times. I sometimes give him a few yen, when I can spare it."

Well, _that_ couldn't be L. Nobody who could afford the kind of hotel suites he'd had during the Kira case would be out on the streets.

"Do you know where he is now?" Soichiro asked.

"I think he sleeps in one of the alleys. He came in here once about six weeks ago for a meal."

"Really?" Soichiro stared at her, mind spinning. If that were true, then a few questions would clear this up for good. How did this person sit, for example? What kind of foods did he eat?

Soichiro thought of these questions and more, and didn't ask them. He wanted to remain in ignorance for a while longer, wanted to savor this tiny sliver of stupid, pointless hope that had flared inside him ever since he first read that email, hope that would be smothered if he didn't get the answer he wanted to hear.

_Stop this. Stop it now. He's dead. You know he's dead. He wrote his own name in the Death Note. No one could have survived that._

But if anyone could, if any one person was smart enough to find a loophole, that person had to be L.

_Then why didn't he say so_? Soichiro wondered and immediately berated himself for asking such a stupid question. L wouldn't have said anything in case it went wrong.

_He had his chance at the very end. Why did he let me think he was going to die?_

Then again, just because he'd liked L, that didn't mean L had liked him back...except there had been times, hadn't there? Little things. Things like L offering him a candy kebab. Even that last conversation with him had been less two work colleagues and more father to son, and just before L's final goodbye, there had been that smile. For a split second, L had allowed Soichiro to see beneath the mask the detective always wore. How many people had he trusted that far? And if he _was_ alive—

_Enough! You're just trying to rewrite history. L is dead and this person is either an imposter or his replacement_. _Stop doing this to yourself. You saw him die._

_No. No, I didn't. I would have stayed with him, but he asked to be alone. I never saw him die and when I went back that evening he...well, there was no body._

_Of course not. Someone cleared it away._

_Really? Who? The hotel staff? You don't think one of them might have called the police or at least an ambulance upon finding a dead body? Besides, they wouldn't have gone up there until the next morning; housekeeping doesn't come in the evening and it's not likely L would have ordered room service, is it?_

_Alright then, how about this? L and Watari weren't exactly freelancers. What if L arranged for his body to be removed shortly after he died? Save causing problems for the hotel?_

Soichiro had no real answer for that. It seemed like the kind of thing L would do.

_Exactly. This person is not L. He may be someone similar – which would explain how he knows the alias Ryuzaki – but he is not L._

He glanced up at the waitress. "Alright. Thank you for your help."

Without waiting to hear her reply, he turned and walked out of the cafe, mind churning.

_Third alley on the left, the email said_.

Soichiro reached the entrance to the alley in question, and hesitated. He knew, just _knew_ that he was being stupid, that there was no way this person could be L (at least, not the L that he knew) but he couldn't help it. He wanted to cling to that pointless, irrational hope a little while longer before facing reality.

When he thought he had everything under control, he took a deep breath and stepped into the alley entrance.

A figure with pale skin and messy black hair was sitting on the ground at the end, hunched over in an achingly familiar posture with his legs drawn up to his chest, dressed in a long-sleeved white shirt and jeans.

If it wasn't L (_of course it's not; don't be stupid_) it was his twin. Except it couldn't be L. It _couldn't_.

Could it?

Pulse quickening, Soichiro walked towards him.

* * *

**So...do you like it? Hate it? Want more? This is my first attempt at a Death Note fic, so reviews would be much appreciated!**


	2. Promise

**Dvyff: **Thanks :-) And here is more, as requested!

**soysauce: **Okay, you got it ;-) As for what Matsuda overheard, I have that story written in its entirety, but I'm not planning to upload it for a while because of spoilers XD But you will find out a little more about it in this fic

* * *

**JUNE 1**

It _was_ him.

There was no mistaking it; the young man curled up on the street was definitely L. Shock hit Soichiro like a truck and he physically staggered. Shock that L had been alive all this time. Shock at finding him here, of all places. Above all, shock that anyone who looked as ill and underweight as L could still be alive at all, but he was. The astonishing young man that Soichiro had believed to be dead all this time was _alive_, beautifully, wonderfully, blessedly _alive, _and sniffing a lollipop!

Unable to restrain himself any longer, Soichiro did something he'd never even have considered doing under any other circumstances; he took a quick step forward, seized L by the front of his t-shirt, hauled him upright and hugged him so hard and so abruptly that L almost stuffed the lollipop up his nose.

"A simple _good morning _would have been just fine, Yagami-_san_," L remarked in a hoarse voice. He didn't return the embrace, but he didn't fight against it either.

"What are you doing here?"

"I might ask you the same thing. I believe my email specified Friday." L shifted his weight away and Soichiro let him go obligingly.

"I thought you were dead."

L examined his lollipop, then stuck it in his mouth.

"Then why come at all?" he asked.

"Because I wanted to find out who would contact me under your name. Why _did_ you contact me?"

To his surprise, L looked awkward. "I...need your help."

"Of course. Anything." Was L working undercover? That was the only explanation Soichiro could come up with for him living like this.

L pulled the lollipop out of his mouth and stared at it for a few minutes, rolling the stick between his fingers and shifting his feet awkwardly. Finally he dropped it on the floor and stepped on it, grinding it under his sneaker like a cigarette butt, and mumbled in a very low voice, "Can you lend me the train fare to Osaka?"

Soichiro stared at him, shocked. Of all the possible reasons for L to summon him, _this_ had never entered his head.

"_What_?"

"I can pay you back once I get a new—" L broke off abruptly, looking away, then said, "Well, once I start working again. But I can't—"

He broke off again, this time into a coughing fit and he twisted away from Soichiro, bent double, hands braced on his knees, and retched. A thick wad of blood-streaked mucus shot out of his mouth and splattered on the sidewalk. Weakened from the exertion, L dropped to the ground.

Soichiro knelt down next to him, oblivious to any dirt, and slid an arm under L, supporting the young man's weight.

"You're ill."

L let his head roll back on his neck and grinned at the older man through teeth tinged with his own blood.

"I'm free."

"Free?" Soichiro echoed, not understanding. A sudden recollection of Matsuda's parting words flashed into his mind, along with a distinct feeling of unease. Something was wrong, and it wasn't just L popping back from the dead to borrow a few thousand yen.

"Yes. I just—" L began, then started coughing again.

Soichiro waited until he'd finished, then said, "Forget Osaka. I'm taking you to hospital."

"_No_! No hospital! I'm—" another violent spasm of coughing— "fine," L finished weakly. "Just...get me to Osaka, Yagami-_san_. Please."

If Soichiro hadn't been feeling so shocked and stunned and – yes, and happy – at finding L alive, he would have been considerably irked at being ordered to drive the six and a half hours from Tokyo to Aomori only to be told he had to turn around and drive all the way back to Osaka (to say nothing of returning to Tokyo after that). And if L hadn't been so ill, it probably goes without saying that Soichiro would have done what L wanted and stuck him on a train, but public transport wasn't an option here.

"Can you stand?"

"Not easily. If I move too quickly, I start coughing again."

"Then don't move too quickly. And...here." Soichiro took his coat off and handed it to L. "Put this on before you freeze to death."

L stared at him, then took the coat gingerly between finger and thumb and pulled it on.

"Better. It'll do until I can get you somewhere to stay."

"I have somewhere to stay in Osaka. All the old bases are gone, but Watari owned a house where he and I used to live whenever I wasn't required to travel. I can stay there."

Soichiro hesitated. "Ryuzaki—should I still call you Ryuzaki?"

"Please."

"Very well. Ryuzaki, Watari's been dead for eighteen months."

"I know. But Wammy's House paid all the bills and they'll keep on paying them. Watari often took me away for months at a time, so the fact the place has been empty won't raise any eyebrows. The worst thing I'll have to deal with is eighteen months' worth of Watari's junk mail."

There it was again, that same niggling feeling of unease. And what on earth was Wammy's House?

"How did you get here in the first place if you don't have any money?" he asked.

"Matsuda-_san_ came back after you all left. Gave me two hundred and fifty thousand yen."

"He _what_?" Soichiro stared at L. He knew Matsuda had returned to visit L, but he couldn't...well, no, actually, he _could_ imagine that happening. Matsuda had been known to buy a takeaway for himself, only to donate it on impulse to the first homeless person he saw and go cheerfully on his way without supper. There was no question Matsuda would have given L money if he'd thought the young man needed it...although given they'd believed L had less than three weeks to live, a quarter of a million was still very generous. Even _L_ would be hard-pushed to eat two hundred and fifty thousand yen's worth of sweets in twenty days.

"Yes. But I spent the last of it—" another bout of coughing— "some time ago."

Soichiro shifted his weight, leaning back on his heels.

"So where are you living now?" he asked.

L looked at him, clearly surprised at the question, then gestured around at the street. "Here. The Hana Cafe sometimes throws out good sweets, and they don't object to my rooting around in their garbage, at least, not all the time they don't see me doing it. I didn't think I could walk to another city to try my luck there, so I figured I may as well stay until things got too bad."

"At which point you decided to contact me."

"Yes. I managed to scrape together enough for an hour in an internet cafe. Took me less than ten minutes to find your email address, so I borrowed a razor off a businessman and had a shave while I was there."

Soichiro blinked. It was hard to imagine L standing in front of a mirror and shaving, even though part of him knew it had to happen. L was young, but he wasn't _that_ young.

"Why didn't you just email me and ask me to transfer the train fare into your bank account?"

"I don't have a bank account. And..." L went brilliant red and looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. "I thought...maybe...well, it would be nice to talk to you again."

The words _You summoned me from Tokyo just to have a chat?_ shot up Soichiro's throat, but he swallowed them down. Something had changed. L the Super Detective was gone, at least for the moment. L the Human had taken his place. Soichiro wasn't entirely sorry about that, but he wasn't sure how to act around this new, more awkward L either.

_Alright. Rethink. This isn't a detective requesting your aid in a case. This is a kid – a very ill kid – on the streets asking for help_.

That would have taken a lot out of L as well, Soichiro knew. L hated to lose, hated to be seen as anything less than coldly perfect. For him to humble himself to the point of begging for help from Soichiro meant that he must be desperate. He wasn't sure why L had come to him of all people for help, but he really didn't think he could refuse. Not after everything L had done.

_And not after your own son did his very best to murder him, right_?

"Alright," he said.

L glanced up, a faint glimmer of hope in his eyes. "You'll lend me the money?"

"No, I'll drive you there myself. I was aiming to head back tonight anyway."

"Osaka isn't exactly on the way to Tokyo," L pointed out. "Just lend me the train fare, Yagami-_san_. I'll be fine."

"You're too ill to go on a train. Come on." Soichiro helped L to his feet, ignoring his protests. "If we leave now, we should be back in Osaka by this evening."

* * *

Despite Soichiro's initial optimism, the drive to Osaka was not a smooth one, and not just because Soichiro had to keep pulling over at every single rest stop for L to expel whatever he'd coughed up. When he wasn't coughing his guts out, L spent the journey leaning against the passenger door. Having him curled up in a tight little ball as far away from him as he could get made Soichiro feel like a kidnapper, especially since L didn't once take his eyes off the older man's face. They stopped once at a supermarket and Soichiro bought them both _makunouchi_, not wanting to overload L's stomach with too much food at once. He could have saved himself the worry; it took forty minutes before L agreed to sample even one part of the meal. By the time he'd eaten it all, three and a half hours had passed and a small uncharitable part of Soichiro was beginning to wish he'd let the kid starve until the evening.

It was quarter past ten at night by the time they arrived in Osaka, and at that point they hit another small snag.

"What do you _mean_, you don't know whereabouts in Osaka this house is?" Soichiro demanded, staring at L.

L coughed a few times, then said in a croaky voice, "Just that. I know the city but I never knew the exact address. Watari was the one who organized transport. I never even knew where we were going until we turned up there."

"Do you have anything else to go on at _all_?"

L thought for a few minutes. "I know it's a house, not a flat. Small, with a front garden. White walls. Red tiled roof."

_Which would have been a lot more helpful if it wasn't dark_, Soichiro thought.

"And you're certain it's in the city of Osaka, not the prefecture?" he said aloud.

"No, it's definitely in the city, or at least on the outskirts of it. I know that much. And...I remember going past OCU several times. If you can get me there, I'm fairly certain I can get to the house."

_Osaka City University_, Soichiro thought. Well, it was a much better starting point than _somewhere in Osaka_. If the worst came to the absolute worst, they could find a hotel and search the next day.

It took forty five minutes to find the university and another hour of driving around and getting lost before Soichiro managed to locate the house and park outside.

"Is there a spare key anywhere?"

"Yes, in a fake stone. Third on right." L indicated a row of decorative stones, just visible in the glow of the street light.

Getting in took slightly longer than anticipated, as neither of them had a flashlight and unlocking an unfamiliar door in semi-darkness is not an easy thing to do. Soichiro fumbled about for a full three minutes before managing to get the key into the lock and hearing the welcome _click_.

Inside, the house was painfully bare; just an open plan house with a long couch in front of a coffee table and no decorations or personal items anywhere to be seen. There was another small table in the kitchen with two chairs and a small radio tucked into a corner. Thick layers of dust coated every surface and Soichiro's heart sank. This place wouldn't help L's cough any. Still, first things first.

He helped L onto the couch, then looked around, taking in the place in more detail.

"Where do you keep the medicine?" he asked.

"I don't know." Seeing Soichiro's look, L went on. "Watari always handled things like that. I just solved cases. You can go now, I'll be fine."

Soichiro took a long, deep breath, employing every trick he'd learned to try and keep his temper in check.

"Ryuzaki, you're very ill, and you should be in hospital. After leaving me to believe you were dead for the past eighteen months, you email me, order me to drive to Aomori of all places just so I can drive you back to _Osaka_—" here the control slipped a notch— "and if you think you can just dismiss me after that with a snap of your fingers and not a word of explanation, then you are in for the biggest shock of your _life_!"

L stared at him, then smiled.

It was a strange smile. There was nothing mocking or even amused about it. If Soichiro had to put a word to it, he would have said it was _blissful_.

"Alright, Yagami-_san_." L coughed violently, then settled back, gasping for breath, and managed, "I'm sorry. What do you want to know?"

_Why the hell aren't you dead_ was at the top of _that_ list, but Soichiro kept it to himself. Talking seemed to exhaust L, and something told Soichiro that his question would have rather a long answer.

"Never mind that now. Do you mind if I take a look around?"

"Help yourself."

Soichiro crossed over to the nearest door and opened it. There was a small Western-style bedroom beyond; with a single bed and nothing at all in the way of personal items. He glanced over his shoulder at L.

"Is that your room?" he asked.

L shook his head. "No; Watari's. I sleep through there." He pointed to a small door in the wall. "I don't know where Watari kept the key. Really, Yagami-_san_, you can go. I'll be fine." The language L used was more polite this time, but Soichiro took no notice and walked over to L's bedroom door to try the handle. It rattled uselessly in his grasp and he frowned slightly. What kind of person locked their _bedroom_?

Then again, if this was L's permanent base, he probably had all kinds of expensive equipment in there.

"Is there a spare key for this room?" Soichiro asked.

"Yes. I don't know where Watari kept it but he always believed in having a backup of everything, so I'm certain he would have had one made. Just as certain as I am that you can leave whenever you want," L answered pointedly.

An uneasy feeling began trickling through Soichiro's mind (if this was L's room, then why did _Watari_ have the key?)

_Alright. Assuming he hid it from L, he would have hidden it somewhere the kid wouldn't stumble across it. So where...ah. Of course._

Soichiro walked into the small kitchen and rummaged around until he found a salt shaker and prised the top off, then took out the key inside.

"Did you and Watari live alone in this house?" he asked.

"Yes. Speaking of being alone in houses, your wife and daughter must be worried about you. Why don't you go back and reassure them, stop them worrying? Like, right _now_?" L added when Soichiro didn't immediately run out the door.

"They're used to my being away from home."

"Maybe you should start spending more time with them then. I'm sure they'd like to see you."

Soichiro turned to stare at L.

"Ryuzaki, when I want your advice on my relationship with my family, I'll ask for it. In the meantime, I'm going to get your room ready; you can't sleep on the couch."

Something changed in L's face; it became far shrewder, more calculating. Soichiro got the unnerving feeling that he'd just gone from being someone the young man semi-trusted, to a potential enemy.

"You'd better leave the door open then," L said at last. "The steps are tricky if you don't know them and there's no light. I don't want you leaving in an ambulance."

_No light_? Soichiro wondered, then dismissed it. L must be talking about a burned out bulb that no one had replaced before going to Tokyo.

"That's very considerate of you," he said aloud.

"But please feel free to leave any other way you like," L added, just in case Soichiro had missed the first five hints.

"Ryuzaki, I am not leaving until I'm satisfied in my own mind that you'll be alright, and if you _do_ want me to leave, then you should at least have the good manners to ask me politely instead of dropping hints."

"I _did_ ask you."

"You _ordered_ me," Soichiro corrected him.

The silence which followed this was so absolute that Soichiro turned, half afraid that L had passed out, only to find the detective looking at him. He didn't seem offended at having been scolded like a five year old; there was no resentment in his expression, just a strange sort of fascination. L was staring at Soichiro as though he'd never seen anything like him.

"It's also impolite to stare," Soichiro added, after L's gaze had been fixed on his for three minutes by the clock. He wondered, not for the first time, exactly what was going through L's mind.

That seemed to shake L out of his trance; he blinked and looked away.

"I...apologize, Yagami-_san,_" he said after a few moments' pause. "I wasn't thinking. Please, stay as long as you like; you must be tired from all that driving."

"Thank you."

"But not in Watari's room," L added.

"No, I understand," Soichiro answered, and did. He and his family had moved to a smaller house a few months ago; having Light's bedroom lying empty was too painful for all of them. Even Sayu, who had staked her claim on her brother's larger room the moment Light left for college, hadn't been able to face sleeping in there. "The couch will be fine. Wait there, I'll unlock your door."

"I wouldn't want to inconvenience you, Yagami-_san_; you've done enough for me already. If you'll give me the key I can sort myself out."

Just what was the big mystery surrounding L's bedroom, Soichiro wondered. Did he keep some kind of adolescent magazines in there he was too embarrassed to let people know about?

Well, he'd find out soon enough. Ignoring L's request, Soichiro crossed over to the door, unlocked it and pulled it open.

L hadn't been exaggerating; it _was_ dark in there, and there was a strong smell of damp from inside. Carefully, Soichiro placed one hand on the cold concrete wall and made his way down the uncarpeted stairs, each of which groaned so loudly under his weight he was half afraid the whole lot would collapse beneath him.

The room at the bottom was a good size, slightly larger than Light's bedroom had been. It was also the most unpleasant place Soichiro had seen in a long time. Bare concrete gritted under his feet as he walked forward with the slow, dragging steps of someone who can't believe what he's seeing. The walls around were dark gray and streaked with moisture, and there was a black patch spreading across the ceiling and down one corner that might have been mold. The only furniture was two bare futon mattresses, one on top of the other and although there was a window, it was far too dark to see out of it.

Soichiro stood and stared around for what seemed like a very long time, turning slowly on the spot.

_This is a joke_. _This has to be a joke_.

Which was all very well, but if you thought of _L_ and then formed a mental image of _joker_ and tried to put the two together, it didn't work no matter how much you turned it around. L didn't seem to have much of a sense of humor and by and large meant things exactly as he said them. If he said he slept in here, then he slept in here.

Soichiro walked over and pressed down on the futon with one hand. It was softer than he'd expected, and the two together probably made for a very comfortable bed, but he couldn't squash the slow burn of anger in the pit of his stomach. L had solved thousands of cases, more than the whole of the NPA put together. Granted he couldn't live in hotel suites all the time, but he should have had far better accommodation than _this_! Even taking into account the fact that nobody had been in here for eighteen months, this was still appalling.

There was no way L could sleep down here. Soichiro wouldn't have allowed it if the young man had been fully healthy, never mind in his current condition.

He sighed. That was all very noble, but it meant that one of them was going to end up sleeping on the couch and one of them would have to make do with the kitchen. Or...no, to be perfectly accurate, it meant that _L_ would end up sleeping on the couch; Soichiro couldn't very well ask a kid as sick as L to sleep on the floor, especially when it wasn't even Soichiro's house.

Turning away, Soichiro strode up the stairs, taking them three at a time, to find that L had somehow managed to get to his feet during the older man's absence and was now staring at him with a hawk's unblinking intensity.

"So, are you going to help me downstairs?" There was a tautness about L that hadn't been there before, one that Soichiro had seen countless times before in nearly every suspect he'd ever arrested. Put simply, L was getting ready to fight.

"No," Soichiro said candidly. "I wouldn't keep a dog in that room."

"But I'm not a dog, Yagami-_san_, so how does that affect me? The room's perfectly adequate for sleeping."

Was he serious? Soichiro stared at L, searching his face for any hint of irony, and found none. L really did believe that there was nothing wrong with that room.

_Really? Then why was he so determined not to let you see it, if he's happy to sleep there?_

"It's cold, it's dark and that damp won't do your lungs any good; you'll just get sicker. I'll make up a bed on the couch for you."

"You just said I shouldn't sleep on the couch."

"That was before I saw your room."

L shifted his weight. "I don't mind sleeping in there, Yagami-_san_, so long as you give me the key."

Soichiro glanced at him sharply. "Do you think I'm going to lock you up in there?"

"...I won't if you give me the key," L said after a few seconds' pause.

The older man shook his head. "No. Go back to the couch. I'll see if I can find some pillows or something."

L stared at him without moving, that same bewildered look on his face.

"Why?" he said at last.

"Because I don't want you going down there and making yourself worse." Soichiro lost a little of his calmness at this point and added in a sharper tone, "And because that's more like a prison cell than a room! There isn't even an electric light!"

"I did tell you that before you went in. My computer provided all the light I needed, at least until I fell asleep."

Another twinge of unease. Soichiro was too tired to chase this one to its source and so he just said, "That can't have been good for your eyes."

L continued staring at him, the bewilderment on his face slowly giving way to unease. At last he said in a strained voice, "Yagami-_san_, I really would like you to leave now."

"If you had a proper bed to sleep in and some good food inside you, I might. As it is, I'm not going anywhere until I know you're alright."

"I don't need you to play nursemaid."

Soichiro didn't move. "Where do you keep the spare blankets?"

"How should I know? Now please go! I'll find them myself!" There was something more in L's voice now: fear. Soichiro wasn't too surprised to hear it. As far as he could make out, Watari had done everything for L, and the end result was that L had become completely dependent on him, unable to make decisions for himself that didn't relate to whichever case he was working on.

_In other words, without Watari's input, he doesn't have a clue how to react and so he's afraid. Even more so since he knows there's no way he can get control of this situation unless I choose to let him, and he also knows that's never going to happen._

"Ryuzaki, I'm not going to hurt you." Soichiro was never able to explain why he said that, only that he instinctively felt it was what L needed to hear.

"No, you're not, because you're going to leave. _Now_." L started forward, perhaps with some crazy idea of physically ejecting Soichiro, only to be doubled over in another coughing fit.

Soichiro waited until he had finished, then said in a quiet voice, "Ryuzaki, what are you so afraid of?"

L turned his head away and didn't answer.

Soichiro sighed. It had been an exhausting day, both emotionally and physically, and all he could think of was how wonderful it would be to go home, sit down with a drink and just switch out for a few hours.

"Alright. Let's make a deal."

L's head snapped back to stare at him.

"What kind of deal?" he asked eventually.

"I will stay here—let me finish," Soichiro said as he saw L's mouth open to refuse. "I will stay here until you're well enough to take care of yourself."

"Who judges that? You?"

"Let's say, until you've gone three consecutive days without any more coughing fits."

"My coughs have a tendency to linger, Yagami-_san_."

Soichiro nodded. Sachiko was the same way. "Alright then. Three consecutive days without coughing anything up, how about that?"

"Go on..." L's suspicious gaze was fixed firmly on Soichiro's face. No longer afraid, exactly, but still not trusting. Soichiro wondered if Watari had ever made bargains with L, and if he had, whether or not he'd kept his side.

"When that happens, if you still want me gone, I'll leave. And all the time I'm here, I won't be hanging over you."

"What do you want from me in exchange for all this?" L demanded.

"I want you to play fair. That's all."

L stared at him, eyes narrowed. Soichiro didn't say anything else, just let the young man make up his own mind.

"If you think for one _minute_ that you can control me—" L began at last.

"No," Soichiro interrupted. "I don't think that, Ryuzaki, and I don't intend to try."

"Then what do you want with me? Really want?"

"I want to help. That's why you contacted me, wasn't it? Because you needed my help?"

"I didn't know you were going to move in with me, Yagami-_san_. All I wanted was the train fare back here. If I wanted a damn roommate, I'd take out an ad in the _Yomiuri_!"

Soichiro let that one go. Something told him that L's hostility wasn't aimed at him, or at least, not _just_ him. There was something far deeper going on here.

"Ryuzaki, do you think I'm a liar?"

L looked startled. "No. Of course not."

"Then listen." In a sudden flash of insight, Soichiro realized the underlying cause of L's antagonism and said, "Nobody knows you're still alive. The only other person who knows you emailed me is Matsuda, and even he doesn't know for certain that it was you as opposed to someone else calling himself L. If you want it kept quiet – if you wanted to, shall we say, retire—"

L glanced at him, surprise evident on his features.

"—then I won't say a word," Soichiro finished, thinking _So that's it_. L wanted out of the detective game and thought that the older man had some idea of forcing him back into it. Bottom line, he didn't trust Soichiro to leave him in peace. "It's your choice."

The silence between them seemed to stretch out forever.

"You still haven't told me exactly what you want from me," L remarked at last.

"I said I want you to play fair with me."

"What does _that_ mean? I know what Watari's idea of fairness was—"

_Yes; a normal bedroom for him and a pair of futon mattresses in a damp, dark room for you_, Soichiro thought savagely.

"—but I've no idea what yours is."

"If you do decide to come out of retirement, tell me. Not because I plan to dump all my cases on you, but because I don't want to look like an idiot by being the last person to know."

L continued staring at him through narrowed eyes.

"If you're lying..." There was an uncertain note in his voice.

"You'll what?" Soichiro said very quietly.

L tilted his head on one side. Soichiro had no doubt that if the young man could have reached into his brain and plucked out the truth, he would have done. As it was, he was left with the same feeling as before: that L was trying to figure him out and not having much luck.

At last L said, "That's all you want? For me to tell you if I decide to pick up my old job?"

"Yes."

"You're not going to try and manipulate me into going back to work by claiming I owe you for this?" L persisted, in the tones of someone searching very hard for the down side. "Or by showing me photographs of murder victims to try and emotionally blackmail me into it?"

"No. If I ever want your help on a case, Ryuzaki, I'll ask you outright. And if you say _no_, I'll respect that. I'm not going to force you into doing anything you don't want to do."

L looked down, nibbling on his thumbnail, torn. Finally he looked up at Soichiro.

"Promise?"

The childish simplicity of the question coupled with how young and vulnerable L looked at that moment spoke volumes, and Soichiro felt his heart ache.

_You were right, Matsuda. One of us should have asked._

"Promise."

* * *

**I don't usually comment on my own work but for those of you who think I'm making up L's room and are already prepping your flamethrowers in Watari's defense, I'm really not. The room appears at the beginning of ****_L: Change The World_**** and also in the L photobook. The only thing I changed was the location ;-) Again, if you have time, reviews are much appreciated :-)**


	3. Fine Dining

**Soysauce: **Thanks XD I'm glad you're enjoying it :-)

* * *

**JUNE 1 - JUNE 2**

Soichiro didn't sleep at all that night.

Part of this was down to the fact that he was perched on a kitchen chair that was too hard for anyone to sit on for very long. Most of it was because his mind was in too much of a turmoil to just switch out, no matter how tired he was. The door to L's room was like a magnet, drawing his gaze back to it again and again, no matter how often he looked away. He always stopped just short of opening it for fear of disturbing L, who had finally dropped into a restless sleep broken only by the occasional coughing fit.

That room. That damn room. It was like a song that he couldn't get out of his head. And L sitting down there, working on his laptop. There was no desk in that room, which meant he would have had to bend over. Soichiro supposed you could put the laptop on the futon and then sit in front of it, but that wouldn't be the most comfortable of positions and would still involve quite a bit of hunching on L's part.

No wonder he walked like that, bent over. _Could_ he stand upright? Or was Soichiro reading too much into it? Had L been born that way? It might explain why he had two futon mattresses as opposed to one; Watari may have wanted to give him that extra level of comfort.

_Don't do that. Don't romanticize Watari just because he's dead. Maybe he did give L that extra mattress, but nothing you can say will excuse the state of that room. If he really cared so much about L, he would have made sure the boy had a decent room to sleep in. You can lock someone up in a bedroom with ensuite as easily as a cellar._

Was that what Matsuda had overheard? Some kind of exchange between L and Watari that had hinted at this life, enough for him to read between the lines and figure out the truth? Despite appearances and various exclamations to the contrary from everyone else in the NPA – Soichiro included – Matsuda was not stupid. If he had known this was L's life, then he'd concealed that knowledge with a level of restraint and delicacy of feeling that Soichiro privately hadn't believed him capable of. He wasn't even certain if _he_ could have kept the secret so well; no matter how much he looked back on those days, he couldn't spot anything in Matsuda's behavior during that time which so much as hinted at his dislike for Watari.

_Why didn't he come to me_? Soichiro wondered. From his first day at the NPA, Matsuda had latched onto the older man as a mentor and asked Soichiro's advice on just about everything. Since Matsuda also possessed the unusual gift of knowing when to disturb someone and knowing when to leave well enough alone, and since Soichiro had an uncomfortable feeling that he hadn't been all that different to Matsuda in his early days at the NPA, he tolerated the younger man's eager questions. Matsuda had always come to Soichiro with his problems, from clarification on a case to hypothetical situations to the most romantic way to propose to his long-time girlfriend Tomo (that one had been rather touching, actually; Matsuda's relationship with his parents was too strained for him to ask them for advice and so he'd had to go to Soichiro).

_So why didn't you come to me about L and—_ Soichiro began in his own mind, then froze motionless, staring at nothing and let out a slow, silent exhalation.

_Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

Matsuda _had_ come to him. Right at the beginning of the Kira case...yes, on that first day, the same day he'd heard that argument. He'd called Soichiro with an apparently hypothetical problem. At the time, the older man hadn't thought anything of it besides the fact that it was extremely bad timing.

_"If I knew someone who I suspected was being held against their will, but if they could be of help in solving a current case all the time they were being held, should I still try and help them? Even if it means that case may not be solved?"_

Up until now, Soichiro would have dismissed the notion of L being held against his will, but that was before he'd seen the young man's cellar (he refused to dignify it with the word _bedroom _even in his own thoughts).

_And Watari had the key._

There was only one reason for putting someone in a room with a door that locked and keeping the key yourself: namely to stop them getting out. Soichiro didn't think that L had been locked down there twenty four seven – if you wanted to be crude about it, how was he supposed to get to the bathroom? – but there was a very high probability that Watari would have locked him in whenever he was going out.

_Alright._ The voice in his mind was sharper than normal. _Just stop there; your imagination's running away with you. All you know is that L never had the key to that room. That does NOT prove that Watari ever locked him up in it! Your original idea is far more likely; that there was a lot of delicate equipment down there and Watari just wanted to keep it safe_._Alright, so Matsuda overheard an argument, but everybody argues now and then. Until you know exactly what he heard, you can't make any kind of rational judgment._

Soichiro folded his hands on the table, thinking deeply. That was all very well, but for the young detective to have taken against Watari to such a degree meant that he'd heard something pretty damning. Matsuda was far more likely to make friends and find excuses for people than he was to dislike them. And he didn't know for _certain_ that Matsuda had been referring to L with that hypothetical situation...

_Of course he was. You were just too wrapped up in the whole Kira problem to see it. Matsuda would never bother you with a purely hypothetical situation in the middle of something like that; he was talking about a genuine case_. _He wanted to know whether he was supposed to help L escape, or let him stay a prisoner long enough to catch Kira and then act?_

Was that why Matsuda was so eager to believe that L had survived? Because he couldn't bear to think of the young detective finding his freedom only to drop dead of heart failure? Had he also heard about L's living conditions outside of Tokyo hotel suites? Soichiro could understand Watari claiming the best room for himself as the adult, but that was no reason—they couldn't—there was no excuse for _that_!

"No, I won't," L said hoarsely. "That's not my name."

Startled, Soichiro glanced over at the couch. L was sound asleep, a tense, strained look on his face.

Names. Thinking of names brought Soichiro's mind back to the Death Note. How the _hell_ had L survived?

A fake notebook? That was the most likely explanation, but Light had manipulated Rem into writing L's name, so that wouldn't work. L using a fake notebook would only work if nobody had written down his name in the real one. And _shinigami_ could write names down in their own notebooks, Soichiro was only too painfully aware of _that_. The look of shocked betrayal on Light's face at the end of that damnable investigation still haunted his dreams.

_Betrayal_.

Something about that tweaked a nerve and Soichiro frowned as he tried to puzzle it out. Had Light been betrayed not just by Ryuk, but by Rem as well? Suppose he (she? Soichiro was never sure about that one) never wrote L's name in the book? Since the book in question was burned, no one – including Light – would ever know. L hadn't known about Watari's impending demise; he admitted that much himself, so it was likely he wouldn't have known about his own either.

_So L writes his name in a fake notebook, and Rem kills Watari but not L. _Light had been stupid enough to gloat over Watari's death, which had told L that he'd better pretend to drop dead seconds after, and so he did. That made a little sense, but why hadn't L told him about the fake notebook?

As soon as he asked the question, Soichiro knew the answer. L hadn't told him because he was Kira's father, and if there was the slightest chance Light would find out, then that wasn't a risk worth taking.

_He could have told the rest of the task force_.

Then again, what would have been the point? When it came to the subject of Light as Kira, Matsuda had been very firmly in Soichiro's camp, so there was no way L would have confided in him. As for the others...Soichiro still wasn't certain what they'd thought, although he remembered Aizawa casting several suspicious glances at Light towards the end.

_Alright, that explains why he didn't tell you during the investigation; the more people who know about something, the more potential leaks. But why didn't he tell you when you came to visit that last time?_

_Because..._Soichiro frowned as he thought it through. _Because there was always a chance that Light had managed to write down his name before and invoke the twenty three day rule?_

That explanation seemed to work a little, but there were too many holes in it for Soichiro's liking. After everything those two had thrown at each other, there was no way Light would have granted L a temporary stay of execution.

_It still doesn't make sense, but what the hell. I'm too tired. I'll ask L about it when he's feeling well enough to answer._

From L to the last days of Kira's life to L. Soichiro's train of thought had come full circle.

He glanced at the door leading down to that basement and another, more plausible explanation for L's deception suddenly occurred to him: the detective had wanted out. Either he'd die for real, or everyone would believe he was dead and he'd be—

—_free_. The word came from nowhere. Free to live how he wanted. Free to have a normal life, one that didn't involve solving cases or having the cares of the world (literally) on his shoulders.

_So that's what he meant back there_. Soichiro shifted his gaze to L, whose sleep was becoming more restless. From the look on his face, the young man's dreams were anything but sweet just then. Was that down to his illness or did he often have nightmares? What kinds of things had the world's top detective seen? Soichiro had the odd bad dream about some of the cases he'd worked on, and most of those were fairly run-of-the-mill compared to the ones L usually tackled. He'd heard the rumors about L long before meeting him, and one of those rumors was that he only took on cases that were either extreme or that he had a personal interest in. Cases that even the most hardened police veterans were only too happy to pass onto him. What if—

Soichiro's phone rang loudly at that point, jerking his train of thought off that particular track so abruptly that he jumped.

_Who'd call me at this time of night_? Sachiko and Sayu were both used to him working through the night and neither of them called him at work at all unless it was a genuine emergency, like the time Sayu had had a nasty fall at school and broken her arm. The number on the mobile screen was a Tokyo number, but not one he knew.

"This is Yagami."

"Yagami-_bucho, _it's Matsuda."

Ah...that would explain it. He must be calling from home.

"I'm sorry to call you so late, but I couldn't sleep and I just couldn't wait any longer." There was a long, long silence, then Matsuda said in a cracking voice quite unlike his normal one, "So...?"

Should he tell Matsuda? If he did, would L count that as a betrayal? The young man had been clear enough: he didn't want to work for the NPA any more. But if he lied and Matsuda somehow found out - and that kid was a lot sharper than most people gave him credit for - what would Soichiro say then?

_Except Matsuda was the only one who stopped to think about what L might have wanted. If you can trust anyone with this, you can trust him._

Soichiro hesitated, then said, "You were right. Ryuzaki's alive."

"Oh." A muffled thump from the other end suggested that Matsuda had just sat down hard, then he let out a weak, trembling laugh that went on for a little too long. "Oh, thank _god! _Thank god. Why didn't you call me before?"

"Because I don't want the rest of the NPA knowing about this. More to the point, _Ryuzaki_ doesn't want them knowing about it, so whatever you do, don't breathe a word."

Matsuda sounded offended. "Of course not! I'd never do that to the poor guy, Yagami-_bucho_, what kind of an idiot do you take me for?"

_The kind who knows a hell of a lot more about L than he's letting on_, Soichiro thought but didn't say. It was frustrating beyond words, knowing that Matsuda knew things that he didn't, things that could be damn useful in this situation, and knowing that he wouldn't betray L's secrets.

Oblivious to the thoughts going through his boss' mind, Matsuda continued. "So what did he want to see you about? Is he working on a new case?"

"No, he just needed some help getting back home to Osaka—"

"_Osaka_?"

"Yes, it came as a surprise to me too." Soichiro couldn't quite keep the tartness out of his voice. "Apparently this is where Ryuzaki lives when he's not solving cases. I think he has plans to retire."

"Good. That's really good. That's—oh, you don't know how happy I am to hear that. It's about time he got the chance to live a little after—" Matsuda broke off abruptly. "Well, never mind that now. What I mean to say is, if anyone deserves to retire, it's him."

Soichiro wasn't about to argue with that, as L solved more cases in a year than the whole of the NPA put together. He glanced over to make sure L was still sleeping, then lowered his voice anyway.

"He's changed, though. You were right; there's a lot more going on with him than I first thought." He paused. "Matsuda, what you heard—"

"I'm sorry, Yagami-_bucho_," Matsuda said as respectfully as he could. "I can't. Not now he's alive."

Soichiro sighed. Well, he hadn't expected anything less.

"You can't tell me anything?" he persisted.

There was a long, long silence, then Matsuda said, "I...can tell you that Ryuzaki wanted off the task force right from the beginning. To be honest, I'm not comfortable telling you this much. I'm only doing it because I'm not sure whether or not you expect him to pick up his old job."

"I think that's up to him. He's not going to be doing much for a while; he's picked up a very nasty cough. He was living on the streets when I found him."

"Alright, then make sure he drinks plenty of fluids. Only nothing citric or carbonated; that'll just make it worse. And you could always try running a hot shower with a towel against the door so he can inhale some moisture. That helps sometimes. And—"

"Yes. Thank you for your advice, Matsuda." Soichiro just about managed to keep his voice neutral as L began coughing again. Matsuda meant well, but his enthusiasm got a little wearing at times. "I'll see you at work next week."

Without waiting for the younger man's answer, he ended the call. L was really coughing up a storm now, far worse than in Aomori. Soichiro's fears about the dust in this house seemed to have been justified. A little rummaging around in the kitchen turned up a glass which he filled with water and took over to L.

"Ryuzaki?"

L cracked his eyes open the merest slit. "Watari? Do I have to work again now?"

"It's Yagami and no, you don't." Soichiro knelt down by the couch. "I brought you some water."

"Water?" L echoed, as if he'd never heard the word.

"Yes. Try and drink some, it'll help with your cough." Keeping his voice very low, Soichiro slid his arm around L's back and helped him sit up. He didn't want to wake L fully, just ease him out of sleep enough for him to drink the water, and then ease him right back into it again.

The lukewarm water must have been soothing on L's damaged throat, because no sooner had he swallowed the first mouthful than he attempted to take the glass and chug the lot.

"No." Soichiro pulled it out of reach. "If you drink too quickly, you'll either get cramp or throw it up again." _Or both_, he added to himself.

Under his guidance, L gulped down the rest of the water, then his eyes drifted closed again and he mumbled something Soichiro tried but was unable to catch. Gently, he moved his arm away, lowering L back into the comfort of the couch.

"There you go."

L blinked and glanced at him, groggy but no longer even half asleep. Damn.

"_Yagami_-_san_?" His voice was slurred but there was no mistaking the incredulity there. "Am I...is this a dream?"

"No, Ryuzaki, it's not a dream. Go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you."

L's eyes were already half closed, although Soichiro could see he was still fighting sleep.

"Will you still be here? When I wake up?"

"Yes, I'll be here. I'm not going to abandon you, Ryuzaki. I promise. Now go back to sleep."

"Is this a dream?" L asked again.

"No. Now _sleep_."

The young man closed his eyes and Soichiro heard him mumble, "Strange, it always was before."

_Oh._

Soichiro stared at L, stricken.

_You..._

He'd had dreams about L, of course, if you could call reliving the nightmare of that final encounter in his sleep a _dream_. It had never occurred to him that this worked the other way, that L might have dreams about _him_.

"Ryuzaki?" he said very softly. He could have left this question until the morning, probably _should_ leave it until the morning, but a small part of him said that his best chance of getting an honest answer was now, when L was too sleepy to really think about what he was saying and hopefully wouldn't remember saying anything at all.

L made a kind of _mha_ noise.

"Ryuzaki, you've solved thousands of cases. There are hundreds of people out there who would have helped you. Why did you contact me?"

The young man opened bleary eyes.

"Because of the blanket," he said thickly, then closed them again and drifted off into a restless sleep.

* * *

It was getting on for midday when L woke up again. In that time, Soichiro had gone through the entire house from top to bottom looking for anything they could use in the way of food and/or medicine and all he'd found was a box of dusty sugar cubes that would keep L happy but was no good to him. There was nothing in the way of medicine and Soichiro sighed. It looked like he'd have to write out a shopping list.

Before that, though, he could see about letting a little light into the place. He hadn't drawn the curtains before as L was still sleeping, but the gloom was beginning to get to him.

A little examination on his part, however, proved that opening the curtains was going to be much easier said than done. When he looked closer, Soichiro saw that the 'curtains' were in fact one piece of fabric that had somehow been fastened so tightly to the wall that he couldn't get his fingers in underneath it, much less pull it back.

"Don't bother."

Startled, Soichiro turned to see L watching him from the couch.

"They won't open," L said very quietly. It seemed to the older man that there was a world of sadness in those dark-rimmed eyes. "I've tried."

Soichiro abandoned the curtains and came to kneel next to him.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Tired. Slow. And..." L frowned at him, as if trying to place what was different. At last he said, "Where's your coat?"

There was a short pause, then Soichiro said, "On you. Remember?"

"I...what?" L glanced down at the coat the older man had wrapped around him in Aomori and hadn't had the heart to take back yet. It wasn't what you'd call a good fit; while there wasn't much difference between them height-wise, Soichiro was a heavier build than L, who had lost a good deal of weight on the streets and the older man's coat swamped him.

L stared at it for a few minutes, then looked back at Soichiro in genuine bafflement. "How did I get _this_?"

Another, longer pause.

"You don't remember what happened yesterday?" Soichiro asked eventually.

"Yesterday? I remember you found me in Aomori and drove me back here. I remember you bought me that weird stuff you call food and there was no sugar. I remember...getting here. And I remember the deal we made." This last in a _so_-_don't-you-even-think-of-welshing-on-me_ tone. "When did I get the coat?"

"In Aomori. I lent it to you just before we left."

He could see L thinking, turning everything over in his mind. Eventually the young man said, "I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_. I don't remember that at all." Pause. "Do you want it back?"

"No, you can keep hold of it for a while."

L frowned. "Won't you get cold?"

"I'm not the one who's ill, Ryuzaki. And right now, I'm more interested in getting you some food."

The detective looked a little more alert. "Really?"

"_Not_ sweets," Soichiro informed him, guessing the trend of the young man's thoughts.

"I _need_ sweets," L insisted.

"You don't need them; you _want_ them. Sugar won't help you recover."

"Sugar creates intelligence. The more sweets I eat, the more intelligent I'll become."

Soichiro stared at him, torn between shock and laughter.

"Who told you _that_?" he demanded.

"Watari, when I was a child."

Stupid question. Soichiro kept quiet; something told him L wasn't ready to accept the older man's opinion of Watari's nutritional ideas just then.

"Did he also tell you that fish is very good for the brain?" he said instead.

L brightened. "I could have some _taiyaki_. That's a fish."

"No, Ryuzaki, _taiyaki _is _not_ a fish. _Taiyaki_ is a type of custard or fruit filled pastry that just happens to _look_ like a fish!"

"Well, it was worth a try," L muttered, not quite under his breath. "What about fruit? May this humble and insignificant little insect be granted permission to nibble on a strawberry, O great and most esteemed Yagami-_denka_?"

"If you speak to me like that again, Ryuzaki, you won't be getting _anything_ sweet."

The mockery died out of L's eyes, to be replaced by something Soichiro couldn't place.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I just—" He broke off into a coughing fit, more violent than before.

"Better?" Soichiro asked at the end of it.

"I think so. I imagine there's only a certain amount of mucus a person can pack into their lungs, so I must be getting to the end of it."

"Thank you for that mental image, Ryuzaki." Noticing a thin layer of perspiration on L's forehead, Soichiro reached out to check his temperature.

Before his hand was more than halfway there, L slammed it to one side and pushed himself away from the older man, legs drawn up to his chest in preparation for a kick.

Soichiro froze motionless. L may have had a bad back, but there was nothing at all wrong with his legs. A single kick from that angle with that level of leverage behind it would break whichever bone it connected with, and it wasn't much consolation to think that the exertion involved would leave L coughing his lungs up for a long time.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

L didn't budge except to coil himself tighter. "What the hell are _you_ doing?"

"I want to take your temperature."

"Then why don't you use a thermometer?" L said, in the cold tones of one who thinks he's caught the other person in a lie.

_Go easy on him. _The thought arrived in Soichiro's head out of nowhere, along with an incredible yet irrefutable revelation: _he doesn't understand. He doesn't know what you're trying to do and_ _if he doesn't trust you now, he's never going to trust you if you yell at him_.

"This way's quicker. If you feel hot and I need a more accurate reading, then I'll use the thermometer." _Or to be more accurate, I'll go out and buy one, and then I'll use it._ "Now hold still; it won't hurt and it'll only take a minute."

Despite Soichiro's words, it took several minutes – during which he seriously thought L was going to let fly – before the young man very reluctantly allowed Soichiro to place a hand on his forehead. Touching him gave Soichiro the unnerving feeling of handling a wild animal, one that would either bolt or bite his hand off if he made the slightest wrong move. He didn't push his luck by keeping his hand there any longer than necessary; L was edgy enough as it was.

_What in the world does he think I'm going to do to him_? It couldn't just be physical contact; if it were, then L would have gone into meltdown yesterday when Soichiro hugged him. There was something more to this.

"Someone must have checked your temperature when you were ill," he said.

"Yes; Watari. But he did it on the back of my neck or with a thermometer. The only time anyone went for my face was when they were trying to kill me," L said matter-of-factly, as though assassination attempts were an everyday occurrence. Maybe they were for him; Soichiro didn't know. "Do I have a fever?"

"Not enough of one to notice." So that was it. L was ill, tired, not thinking straight and a combination of instincts and past experiences had shot him straight onto red alert. "Does your head hurt?"

"A little," L admitted.

"Alright. I'll get you some aspirin while I'm out. That'll take care of the pain and any fever that you may develop."

"Can't you get me something else? Aspirin makes me sleepy."

"Good," Soichiro informed him. "Sleep's the best thing for you. You're not working on any cases now, so it doesn't matter if you take some time out for yourself."

L struggled to stand. "Sleep is a waste of time, Yagami-_san_. Time I could put to much better use."

"Oh really?" Soichiro caught hold of L before he stumbled into the coffee table and stared hard at him. "Doing what?"

L opened and closed his mouth a few times, then said lamely, "Things."

"What sorts of things?"

"Important ones. I worked on cases before when I was sick."

"You don't have any cases," Soichiro pointed out, sitting L back down on the couch, "and I wasn't around before to stop you burning yourself out. Do you have any other reaction to aspirin besides falling asleep?"

"No," L admitted, "but..."

"But?" Soichiro prompted.

L squirmed a little, then curled into his customary ball and turned his head away, resting it on his knees.

"Ryuzaki?"

The ball became a little tighter and L still didn't answer. Soichiro hesitated, then let it go. There was no way he could tell what was going on inside the young man's head just then and if he pushed it, he could end up doing more harm than good.

"Alright. I'm going to get some medicine, see if I can't get some food as well. Don't go anywhere."

Soichiro turned and strode out, not bothering to lock the door behind him. Even if he'd wanted to keep L prisoner, there was no way the young man could get very far in his current state.

_Let's see...aspirin, better get something for his throat too, just in case, and something to eat._

A quick visit to a convenience store got him the medicine L needed. He also bought four steaming hot pork buns and, calling himself the worst kind of panderer, a box of strawberries. If he absolutely couldn't get L to eat the pork buns, at least the kid wouldn't go hungry.

When he got back, he found that L had migrated from the couch to the kitchen and was now perching on one of the chairs in his usual fashion, looking out of the window.

"Don't you ever fall off?" Soichiro asked as he set the bags down on the table and began unpacking the food.

"No. I have very strong feet."

"...Oh." There didn't seem to be much else to say to that.

"I see you bought some strawberries." L pulled the fruit towards him, hand hovering over the box as he selected the biggest.

"Yes, I did." Soichiro pulled the box back again and dropped two of the pork buns in front of L. "Eat those first."

L froze motionless, hand still poised in midair. Soichiro could practically see the huge question mark above his head.

Had Watari _ever _tried to get healthy food into the kid? Had anyone? Had anyone ever shown the slightest bit of concern for his well-being beyond his ability to function as a detective, or stopped to think that L was just a human being and so could get sick or have off-days the same as anyone else? Soichiro himself had always addressed L as a father to a son, not because he thought of him as a child, but because the only person around L's age he'd had any real contact with had been Light, and once you got into parenting mode it was very hard to get out of it again.

They sat there like that for a few minutes, then L extended a finger and poked the pork bun suspiciously, as though expecting it to sprout legs and launch a counter-attack. When this failed to happen, he poked it again.

"It tastes better hot," Soichiro told him.

"What is it? I mean, what's inside it?"

Well, at least he hadn't flat-out refused to eat it. "Pork. Try some."

L picked up the bun and turned it over and over in his hands, then opened his mouth wide. Seeing that the young man intended to cram as much of the pork bun as he could in there and choke it down as quickly as possible, Soichiro spoke up again.

"Eat it _normally_."

L glowered at him. "Why?"

Soichiro debated whether or not to go in along the line of basic table manners and/or choking to death, then abandoned that argument in favor of one that would carry far more weight with someone like L.

"Because if you don't, then you won't get any strawberries." Oh, this was ridiculous! L wasn't a little child; he was a young man in his twenties!

L himself didn't seem offended by Soichiro's answer; instead he just said, "You realize that I'm not going to eat stuff like this after you're gone?"

The older man didn't blink. "All the more reason you should do it now."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

Soichiro wasn't going to get drawn into an argument with L and so he simply stared at the young man. It was a tactic that had never failed with either Sayu or Light.

L sniffed the pork bun, a look of pure distaste on his face, then peeled it apart, picked up half a dozen sugar cubes, crumbled them inside and squashed it back together again.

Well, Soichiro thought as L scrunched noisily at his sugar _nikuman_, it was a start.

"How does it taste?"

L swallowed his mouthful, wincing.

"Strange," he said. "Like...I don't know." He took another, smaller bite and chewed thoughtfully, then swallowed. "Weird texture. But...not altogether unpleasant."

"You can't tell me you've never eaten anything in your life except sweets."

"No, I...I think I remember...something. Before I ended up in the orphanage. Once I got there, it was nothing but sweets."

"That's not very healthy," Soichiro couldn't help saying.

"I told you, sugar creates intelligence, so that's what I was always given. It wasn't just me; a lot of the children were only given sugar and sweet things."

If that was true, Soichiro was glad he'd never had to work there. Noticing L wincing as he swallowed, he asked, "Are you alright?"

"My throat hurts a little. I'm not sure I can eat two of these." L glanced at the bowl by Soichiro's elbow. "But I'd probably be alright with a few strawberries."

Soichiro relented a little. Pork buns _were_ filling, and L's stomach would have shrunk a lot during his time on the streets. Besides, if he was telling the truth about never eating savory food – and somehow, it was hard to imagine him lying – then it probably wasn't a good idea to give his stomach too much new stuff to deal with all at once.

"Can you finish that one?" he asked, nodding towards the half-eaten pork bun in L's hands.

"Yes, I think so. It's hard to tell. I'm really not used to this sort of food. Now _strawberries_ are different. I can eat as many of those as you like."

"What did I tell you about hinting, Ryuzaki?"

L looked at him with that same odd expression as before, half fascination, half pleasure, and didn't answer except to smile.

"Do you _enjoy_ being told off?" Soichiro couldn't help asking, a little sharply.

The young man considered the question, then said, "I enjoy it when people speak to me as though I'm a normal human being instead of some human-shaped crime-solving machine, so yes. In a way."

_And that's the wind taken out of my sails_, Soichiro thought as L finished up the last mouthful of pork bun. There was no bitterness in the young man's voice, just a calm statement of fact. Had Watari—oh, but Watari must have done. They must have spoken to each other outside of cases; you couldn't just exist in complete silence. Granted Soichiro had never heard him and L say a word to each other unless it was directly related to the case, but that just meant they wanted to remain professional. He couldn't fault them for that. Who knew what kinds of things L and Watari said when they thought no one was listening?

_Well, Matsuda for a start_, a little voice inside him whispered.

"Ryuzaki—" Soichiro began.

Apparently seeing this as a prelude to further strawberry ransom, L darted out a hand and snatched the bowl before Soichiro had time to react. Holding it close to his chest, he began wolfing down the strawberries, hardly bothering to chew, never taking his eyes off the older man's face. Oh well. Vitamin C was good for illness, so they said. Soichiro wasn't sure how much of that could be found in a few strawberries, but eating them certainly wouldn't hurt L.

"Ryuzaki, given the state of this house, I'm not sure you'll recover here. At least, not for a long time."

L stopped mid-strawberry and favored Soichiro with the most cynical smile the older man had ever seen.

"Oh, I see. Does this mean you're going to make some kind of alteration to our so-called _deal_?"

"Our deal, Ryuzaki, was that you would let me stay until you were well enough to look after yourself. That still stands, but if you want me gone sooner rather than later, then you need to get out of all this dust. Once you've recovered, you can go whenever and wherever you want. I won't stop you, and I won't come after you."

L stared hard at him, not moving, not blinking, his face a complete mask.

"Alright," he said at last. "What did you have in mind?"

By way of an answer, Soichiro pulled out his mobile and dialed his home number. It was picked up on the second ring.

"Hello, Yagami residence."

"Sayu, it's me."

"Dad! How are things in Aomori?"

"I have no idea—" Soichiro couldn't quite keep the bite out of his tones— "I'm in Osaka."

"_Osaka_?"

"Yes. Is your mother there?"

"What? No, she's out at her painting class. Dad, what are you doing in Osaka?"

Damn. He'd forgotten about Sachiko's new interest in art. Well, it couldn't be helped; he'd just have to pass on a message.

"Never mind that. When your mother gets in, tell her I'll be back this evening. And—" Soichiro glanced at L, whose face might have been carved of stone for all the emotion it revealed— "tell her I'll be bringing a guest."

* * *

**So, next up, L moves into the Yagami household ;) Hope you enjoyed this chapter and as always, reviews are much appreciated :)**


	4. A New Beginning

**Soysauce: **Well, you'll find out in this chapter ;)

**Guests (sorry, no idea on your names!): **Thanks, I'm glad you like it XD

* * *

**JUNE 2 - JUNE 3**

Sachiko really was a wife in a million, Soichiro thought. Other women would have balked at their husbands bringing in an emaciated and obviously ill stranger on only a few hours' notice, but not Sachiko. Before Soichiro had time to blink, his wife had whisked L into the house, installed him on the couch and sent Sayu upstairs for some blankets and pillows while L sat curled up in his usual ball and looked as though he'd just had a bucket of icy water dumped on him. Sachiko in full housewife mode often had that effect on people. Soichiro made a mental note to buy her some irises the next time he was passing a shop; they were her favorites and it was a while since he'd bought her flowers.

Dinner was out of the question, since L was too tired to even think about eating. Soichiro felt a sharp pang of regret; Sachiko had obviously put a lot of effort into making a good dinner for him and the guest he'd mentioned. He really should have warned her about L's condition.

Much to his relief, Sachiko at least had the delicacy to wait until she and Soichiro were alone in their room before quizzing her husband, L apparently having fallen asleep minutes after Sayu brought him the blankets. Given the young man's normal state of insomnia, Soichiro was inclined to believe that L was faking it in an attempt to avoid any awkward questions. At that moment, the older man seriously wished he could do the same thing.

"Who is he?" Sachiko asked as soon as Soichiro had shut their bedroom door. "When you said you were bringing a guest home, I assumed it was someone from work."

Soichiro turned. "I know. I should have explained a little better." He paused, wondering how best to proceed. "His name's Ryuzaki. He was part of the task force assigned to the Kira case."

"Then he's with the NPA?"

"No, he's more of a...a freelance consultant. He emailed me from Aomori asking for help. When I got there, I found him ill and living on the streets. I couldn't just leave him there." Soichiro hesitated, then continued. "I took him back to his home in Osaka, but nobody had been in there for months."

"Why didn't he go back there before?"

"I haven't asked him yet," Soichiro answered, sitting down on the bed. "I think he was on a job and something or other went wrong."

"Doesn't he have any family?"

"None that he knows of, as far as I can make out. He told me himself that he's an orphan. It's only for a little while, then he'll go back to Osaka."

Sachiko joined him, reaching out to rub Soichiro's shoulders, easing some of the tension there.

"Shouldn't he be in the hospital?" she asked.

"Yes, he should. Unfortunately, he's not keen on that idea. I think he's just picked up a nasty chest infection. So long as he gets rest and some good food, he'll be fine." Soichiro cleared his throat. "There's something else you should know. Ryuzaki...he's had a few problems, Sachiko."

"What kind of problems?"

_I wish I knew, _Soichiro muttered in his own head. Aloud he said, "It's hard to say. He doesn't like surprises, even small ones, so if you're going to make any kind of physical contact, warn him first."

"Oh, I would. I—"

"No," Soichiro interrupted firmly. "I don't mean while you're halfway through doing it. I mean tell him _Ryuzaki, I want to put my hand on your forehead to take your temperature_ and then don't move until he tells you he's okay with it. He's got a head full of bad experiences, he's feeling very vulnerable right now, and he's highly trained in combat." He wasn't sure how true that last one was, but he was certain there was _some_ truth in it. L's reaction to his attempts to take his temperature had been so fast that he had barely seen the young man move. Instinct alone couldn't do that. "That's a very, _very_ dangerous combination. He'd never mean to hurt you, but he's too ill to think straight right now. Don't touch him, Sachiko. Don't even _try _to touch him until you've made sure he understands what you're doing and why you want to do it."

"Is he dangerous?"

_Very_, Soichiro thought but wasn't stupid enough to say. Turning, he looked his wife in the eyes and said, "Sachiko, believe me, if I thought you or Sayu would be in any danger from Ryuzaki, I would never have brought him here. But I couldn't just leave him. He saved my life." Soichiro paused as this sank in for the first time.

_If L hadn't come up with that plan, if I hadn't gone along with it..._he'd seen Light write his own father's name in that fake Death Note.

"How long is he here for?" Sachiko asked.

"I don't know," Soichiro admitted. "Until he's well enough to leave. If it makes you feel any better, he's keen to get back to his own place as soon as possible. He won't be any trouble, Sachiko." _At least, not to you, _he added mentally. Some instinct told him that L could prove to be a hell of a lot of trouble for _him_ if he wanted to be, but he wasn't too worried for his wife or daughter. L wasn't the kind of person to rob or attack anyone, and the worst he was likely to do was royally freak everyone out.

Soichiro lay down in bed, mind turning. Despite his exhaustion, sleep was a very long time coming that night.

* * *

When Soichiro awoke, it was half past nine in the morning and Sachiko was gone. This wasn't unusual; fixing breakfast for everyone before work and school had made an early riser out of Sachiko. What _was_ strange was that she hadn't woken him. Was this some kind of subtle telling-off on her part for Soichiro bringing L in last night? Or had she just not wanted to disturb him? Soichiro didn't have a lot of past arguments to compare with; he and Sachiko seldom fought about anything.

Well, he was no cook (as the fire department could attest; that incident had been _particularly_ embarrassing) but breakfast was one meal Soichiro thought he could just about handle making for himself and so he got dressed and headed downstairs.

In the lounge, he saw that L was also awake and perched on the couch, staring at nothing. A half empty bowl of _miso_ soup on the table in front of him bore witness to the fact that he'd at least tried to eat his own breakfast...as did the _completely_ empty box that had once contained cherries.

"Good morning, Yagami-_san,_" L said without looking around. "Your wife asked me to tell you that she's meeting her friend Chizuko-_san_ in town today. And that she's buying in some extra food and will be back at around three."

Soichiro nodded. He knew Chizuko well; she was one of Sachiko's closest friends. Lately it seemed like his wife had been spending more and more time outside the house.

_Then again, who can blame her? It's not like I've been any kind of company these days._

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better. I think." L's voice was a little hoarse, but not as bad as it had been yesterday. And he looked a little healthier, now that Soichiro came to examine him more closely. Getting him out of that dusty house and into a clean, healthy atmosphere had already worked wonders.

"I see you've eaten."

"Yes." L reached out and tipped the bowl of miso soup toward him, peering into it as though trying to read his fortune. "Your wife's cooking is...interesting," he added.

"My wife's cooking is extremely _good_, Ryuzaki. You just haven't developed the palate to appreciate it yet."

L considered this for a few moments, then nodded. "You're probably right. The flavor isn't entirely unfamiliar – I think I must have had this as a young child – but it takes some getting used to. Your wife is...very kind, Yagami-_san_." Pause. "Am I expected to do something for her?" he asked with no trace of cynicism.

Coming from anyone else, Soichiro would have taken this question as...well, he didn't quite know how he would have taken it. Coming from L, however, it was clearly a genuine query.

"So long as you're not too rude or sarcastic and so long as you remember to clean up after yourself, I think you and Sachiko will get along fine."

L looked surprised. "I wouldn't dream of being sarcastic to her."

_No, you save that for me, don't you,_ Soichiro thought a trifle grimly. Still, better him than the rest of his family. At least he knew L well enough to know how to handle it.

"Alright, then you won't have any problems. Do you want anything to drink? Coffee? Tea?"

"Coffee would be nice. Thank you."

Soichiro made them both coffees and carried them over to the table along with the sugar bowl for L, thinking he'd skip breakfast that morning. He wasn't all that hungry anyway.

"So...what have you been doing since breakfast?" he asked, more to get the conversation going again than out of any real curiosity.

"Thinking about you." L sipped at his coffee and grimaced. As Soichiro watched, the young man lifted a spoonful of sugar out of the bowl, measuring it carefully, then emptied the _rest_ of the sugar bowl into his coffee and put the spoonful of sugar back again.

Soichiro raised his eyebrows, surprised at the bluntness of the answer. "Oh?"

L lifted his head enough to look at him, peering up from under his shock of black hair. With the absence of someone like Watari to organize trivialities like haircuts in the past eighteen months, L's hair now fell to his shoulders, making him look even stranger and more exotic than ever.

"You came back, Yagami-_san_. At the very end, you came back. You would have stayed with me until I died. Why?"

Soichiro never took his eyes off L's face. "No one should have to die alone."

"But I wanted to."

"I know. That's why I left when you asked me. To be honest, I thought you'd rather be alone when it happened, but at least you had the choice, which is more than most people get." He paused, then went on in a quieter voice. "Ryuzaki, why didn't you tell me then what you'd done? I can understand you not wanting anyone to know before, but why didn't you mention it after?"

"Because I didn't know for certain whether or not it was going to work. And..." L hesitated.

"You were afraid I wouldn't let you go," Soichiro filled in very quietly.

The young man nodded. "Yes. I even faked dying, just in case you were still there or you'd come back. I thought if you knew I was still alive, I'd be right back where I started."

"I don't keep people prisoner, Ryuzaki."

L looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Then what am I doing here?"

"Do you want to leave?" Soichiro asked him. "Because if you'd rather be in hospital, then say the word and I'll take you there myself. We can go right now if you want."

"I _want_ to go back to Osaka," L answered flatly. "That's all I ever wanted, Yagami-_san._ I didn't _ask_ you to bring me here! What gives you the right to interfere in my life anyway?"

_Calm...keep calm. Getting angry with him won't accomplish anything. _"And just how does your not asking to be here make you my prisoner?"

"Simple application of logic_. _First of all you decided I couldn't take the train. Alright, fine; a car's a more comfortable means of transportation and you were taking me where I wanted to go, so I didn't argue. Then you decided I wasn't going to sleep in my own room, but on the couch instead, and incidentally, my back's _still_ aching from that. _Then_ you decided I was only going to eat the foods you wanted me to eat, and now you've decided that I should be in Tokyo instead of—" L broke off into another coughing fit— "Osaka," he finished weakly. "So I tell you what, Yagami-_san_, why don't we simplify this a little? You've already assumed control of my sleeping habits, my methods of transportation, my diet and my location. Which aspects of my life do _I_ get a say in?"

Soichiro stared at him, for once at a loss for words. It had never occurred to him that L might put this spin on his actions.

Mistaking the nature of the older man's silence, L's mouth turned up in a cynical smile.

"Yeah. That's what I thought. Oh, don't misunderstand me; I'm grateful that you came. I just thought you'd at least wait until I was a little healthier before throwing me back in the deep end. Tell me something, that little fatherly act you treated me to in Osaka – you know, the one where you brought me the water – was that just part of your ploy?"

Soichiro abruptly found his voice again.

"Alright, that's enough!"

L fell silent, although that mocking, cynical look never left his face.

"Ryuzaki, I couldn't put you on a train because you were too ill. I couldn't let you sleep in your room for the same reason; you would have become sicker, and I'm not in the habit of letting people get ill, not if I can avoid it. The house is so dusty that your cough was getting worse, so I decided to get you somewhere you could recover more quickly. I chose here because I can't afford to move you into a hotel and you were so adamant about not going into hospital that I decided to respect your wishes. And no, bringing you the water that night was _not_ some kind of purely manipulative act on my part and I resent the implication!" Soichiro paused, took a deep breath and went on in a quieter voice. "I'm sorry about your back, though. I didn't think. Do you want some painkillers?"

"You know what I want, Yagami-_san_."

"Once you've got rid of that cough, taking you back to that house won't be a problem. I meant what I said, Ryuzaki. You're not a prisoner. The only reason I'm keeping you here at all is because you don't seem to understand that a dusty house is _not_ the best place to be if you have a chest infection!"

There was a hot, angry silence.

"You might have at least let me get my things before dragging me out of that dusty house and five hundred kilometers across the country," L muttered.

"What things?" Soichiro demanded. "That place was bare!"

"No. It wasn't." There was a tightness in L's voice that hadn't been there before.

"Then why didn't you say something?" Soichiro demanded. He cast his mind back, trying to think of anything that he'd missed, and failed. There had been nothing personal in that house at all, not even in Watari's room.

"Because when I told you I wanted to take the train, you didn't listen. When I asked you to leave, you didn't listen and when I said I wanted to sleep in my own room, you didn't listen! Do you see a pattern emerging here, Yagami-_san_? I didn't have any reason to think you'd listen this time, so there didn't seem to be a whole lot of point in talking to you. I don't believe in wasting my breath."

Another, much longer silence, during which Soichiro wavered between anger and guilt. It was true that Ryuzaki hadn't said anything about wanting to get some things, but on the other hand, Soichiro hadn't bothered to check either.

"Look...if it's something small, I could—" he began.

L shook his head, cutting the older man off.

"No. It _is_ small, but it's personal. It's about the only thing in my life that's ever been _mine_ and I want to keep it that way." Pause. "But thank you for offering," he added in a quieter voice. "I did mean to go down and get it while you were out shopping, only...well, somehow I never got around to it."

"Is it valuable?"

"It is to me, but I doubt anyone else would want it. I left it between the two futon mattresses; it'll still be there when I get back," L said, then froze and glanced up at Soichiro with the dark look of someone who thinks he's just shared too much.

"Well, I suppose there's nowhere else in that room you could keep it," Soichiro said matter-of-factly. That meant it was a photograph, or perhaps a very thin book or CD. "Given the complete absence of any other furniture, I mean." He paused, then risked going a little further. "It must have been hard, living there."

He'd gone too far. L bounded to his feet and started pacing the room, angry again.

"See, this is why I never wanted you to see that room, Yagami-_san, _because I _knew_ you'd get the wrong idea!"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows and settled himself more comfortably in his chair.

"Then why don't you explain to me how things really were?"

"If I do, will you listen?" L demanded.

"Of course. So long as you listen to what I have to say about it afterward."

"Because it's _not_ what you're thinking!" L went on, taking no notice of Soichiro.

"And what am I thinking, Ryuzaki?"

"You're thinking that just because I didn't have a nice, cozy little bedroom like your kids, my life was a living hell. Well, for your information, Yagami-_san_, Watari never laid a _finger_ on me. I won't say everything between us was perfect, because no kind of relationship ever is, but I'm not going to let you run away with the idea that Watari was...was some kind of monster who abused me or beat me in between cases! He doesn't deserve that. Whatever you think of him, he doesn't deserve that."

Soichiro waited until he was sure L had finished before speaking.

"Ryuzaki, I have never, ever believed that Watari did what you're suggesting." That much was true. Soichiro no longer believed that Watari was the sweet, harmless old man he first appeared to be, but nor did he believe that Watari had been, as L had put it, a monster. "I don't think he could have hurt you any more than he could have flown to the moon."

L's hackles settled a little, mainly out of surprise. He looked like someone who'd been geared up for a fight that hadn't materialized.

"Then what are you saying?" he demanded.

"What I'm saying is that expecting anyone of any age to sleep in a room like the one I saw is _wrong_. It doesn't matter if Watari was the most loving, nurturing man who ever existed; it's still wrong. If he wanted to keep you locked up—_did_ he ever lock you up in there?"

L continued staring at him, then eventually dropped his gaze and mumbled, "Yeah."

It took every ounce of self-control Soichiro possessed to stop his voice and expression from changing, but he managed it.

"Then if he wanted to keep you locked up, he could have locked you in a nicer room. Why didn't he?"

To Soichiro's surprise, L reddened a little. "Actually, that was my own fault. He used to just lock me in the house when he went out, but I—he stopped after a while."

"Why?"

No answer.

"Ryuzaki?" _Please, please don't let me blow it now._

L dropped his gaze, focusing on the arm of the couch, tracing patterns on it with a skeletal finger. At last he said, "I...ran away two or three times. Before I learned."

"Learned what?" Soichiro pressed.

"What I was there for." There was an awkwardness about L that said he wasn't happy discussing this, and Soichiro reluctantly dropped the subject, although he still didn't fully understand. One thing _he'd_ learned was that L had a tendency to understate things. If he said he'd run away two or three times, Soichiro was willing to bet everything he had that the actual number was closer to ten, maybe even more. "They always taught us that if we couldn't find some way to change the world for the better, we may as well be dead."

Some instinct told Soichiro that this was all he'd get out of L on that particular subject, and so he decided to move onto another, more vital one.

"According to what I saw in that notebook, you _should_ be dead," he reminded L.

L raised bony shoulders in a shrug, never taking his eyes off Soichiro's face. The older man had forgotten just how intense L was. Did he _ever_ blink?

"So what happened?" he persisted. "Why are you still alive?"

After a long silence, L said, "I...made a deal with Rem. I said I would destroy the Death Note so that Misa would lose her memory and stay alive, if Rem would agree never to write my name. I took a gamble. It paid off."

L _had_ been very emphatic about not arresting Misa, now that Soichiro thought about it.

"What about Ryuk?"

"Oh, Ryuk was no threat to anyone. If he really killed whoever Kira told him to, I would have been dead right at the beginning."

"But _you_ wrote your name. I saw it myself: L Lawliet."

"No, you saw the designation they gave me when I arrived at Wammy's House. We're all given different names there, from the moment we arrive. I don't know how they pick the letters. I became Lawliet, and later L, but my parents gave me another name. I was young, but not too young to remember that name. I was never allowed to use it again – none of us are allowed to use our birth names or even mention them – but that didn't matter. As far as the Death Note went, my birth name was my real name and L Lawliet was just an alias. Writing an alias in the Death Note doesn't work. If it did, Kira could have killed me right at the beginning."

"Why didn't you say something when it was all over?" Soichiro demanded.

"Because even with what I just told you, I wasn't one hundred percent certain that it would work out the way I planned."

_He's lying_. The realization flashed into Soichiro's mind from nowhere. Well, _partly_ lying; he believed that L was being honest about not knowing whether his plan would work, but there was something more to it.

Apparently unaware of the thoughts passing through the older man's head, L said in a much quieter tone. "And I had no idea Watari would die. I...even if things between us weren't always perfect, I never wished him dead, Yagami-_san_. Never."

"I know," Soichiro answered, who was certain that if L _had_ wanted Watari dead, then Watari would have had to take out some life insurance and make up a will pretty damn fast. "So what _is_ your real name?"

L looked away, face suddenly closed up, and didn't answer. The message was clear: _too far_.

"Ryuzaki?"

_Really _too far. L's head snapped around and he glared at Soichiro with a look that froze the older man to the core. As a police officer, Soichiro had seen plenty of glares from people he'd arrested before, but never one with that level of hate.

"Just what the hell kind of game are you playing, Yagami-_san_?You know, all I wanted was the money to get home! That's all!"

In a flash, Soichiro understood the reason behind L's antagonism, or at least a good part of it.

"And now I've done this for you, you think I'm going to demand something from you in exchange."

"I don't _think_, I know." L turned away again, hands snapping in and out of fists at his side. There was a lot more going on there, Soichiro knew. More than he understood just then.

"Alright," he said sharply. "Sit down and let's have a talk, because right now there are one or two things I think we need to get sorted out between us before we go any further."

"Right. Yeah. Things like who's in charge? Who's in command?"

"Among other things. Now _sit down_."

L stared at him without budging, that same hate in his face – hell, in every line of his body – as before. Soichiro sighed.

"Alright then; you can stand, if it makes you feel any better."

"How kind of you."

"Kindness has nothing to do with it. I already told you, I'm not going to force you to do anything you didn't want to do."

"Except I didn't want to come here," L retorted, "and yet here I am."

"That wasn't what I—"

"Oh, I see, you meant you would never force me to do anything that _you_ didn't want me to do. Doesn't sound quite fair to me, Yagami-_san_." L bounced back onto the sofa, turned his attention to the cherry stones left over from his breakfast and began arranging them in a neat little pyramid.

Soichiro took several long, deep breaths. Getting angry with L wouldn't solve anything, he knew that, but boy, was it tempting.

"Ryuzaki—" he began at last.

"No, I know." L's voice was quiet now. "I shouldn't have behaved like that. I overreacted. I...do that sometimes." Long pause. "I apologize. And it's alright." The young man looked up at him, serious again. "I know you'll hold this over me to force my cooperation on one of your cases. I knew that when I contacted you. I accepted it then and I accept it now. I owe you, Yagami-_san, _and I pay my debts. Whatever you want."

Soichiro stared at him, then moved to sit down next to him and rested a hand on L's shoulder.

"Ryuzaki—" he started again.

Faster than thought, one of L's hands snapped up and gripped Soichiro's wrist. It wasn't a friendly grip.

Turning his head, L looked Soichiro straight in the eyes and said levelly, "Except that. I may be a freak, Yagami-_san,_ but I'm a freak who has enough self-respect not to sell himself for the price of a car ride from Aomori to Osaka."

Soichiro didn't move, didn't try and break free.

"In the first place, you're not a freak," he told L. "In the second place, I'm not in the least bit interested in sex with you!"

"Really?" L said nonchalantly. "Oh. Alright then."

He released Soichiro's wrist and returned to his cherry stone pyramid.

Soichiro took a deep breath. He didn't believe L was planning to turn the tables on him with this, but attempted rape wasn't an accusation that he could dismiss that lightly.

"Ryuzaki, do you understand what just happened?" he asked.

"Yes," L answered, placing the final cherry stone on top and sitting back to admire his handiwork. "I thought you were going to force me to have sex with you, and you just told me that you're not."

Well...yes, that seemed to cover it rather concisely, Soichiro admitted to himself.

"Do you often think things like that?" he asked.

"No, but I'm not good at reading some forms of body language. I thought it was best to get it sorted out sooner rather than later and avoid any misunderstandings. That way you can still walk out without wasting any more of your time on me."

Soichiro stared at him. L's tone of voice alarmed him; the young man was talking about Soichiro's coercing him into sex and then abandoning him with a sort of calm finality, as though the event had already happened.

"Has this ever happened to you before?" he asked.

L raised an eyebrow. "What, being rescued by a high ranking police officer of the NPA and driven all the way from Aomori to Osaka and then to Tokyo after making a deal with a _shinigami _to save my own life in exchange for keeping a famous singer and TV personality out of jail? No, Yagami-_san_, that hasn't happened to me before."

Was L _joking_ with him? Soichiro had never thought of him as possessing any kind of a sense of humor before. Admittedly the young man's face was completely deadpan, but there was a small spark in those black eyes that could only be called mischievous.

"You know what I mean," he said, although he couldn't stop the answering smile that appeared on his face. If L did have a sense of humor, it was a good one.

"No, never. The only person I had any contact with was Watari and like I said, he really wasn't that kind of guy."

"I see. Well, you're wrong about one thing, Ryuzaki; you don't owe me for this. You recover and then you go where you like. I won't stop you."

L rocked back, scrutinizing Soichiro through narrowed eyes. At last he said, "What's the catch?"

"There is no—"

"No, there's a catch, Yagami-_san_. There's _always_ a catch. You wouldn't let someone as gifted as me go that easily." The young man spoke simply, with no thought of bragging. "I'm too useful a tool to be tossed away just like that. Everybody wants me for _something_."

There was no whining or self-pity in his voice, just a kind of tight-lipped weariness that Soichiro suspected even L wasn't aware of.

"Don't you think you've already done enough for me?" he asked.

"My personal opinion on such matters is completely irrelevant, Yagami-_san_. That's one of the first things they teach us at Wammy's House."

There it was, that name again.

"What's Wammy's House?" Soichiro asked.

"One of the orphanages Watari founded. It's based in England. Only takes in child prodigies and geniuses. I lived there for five years, and we're getting off the subject. What's the catch?"

Soichiro sat down opposite him and folded his arms, staring at L. If even half the suspicions he'd been forming about the young man's life were true, he couldn't blame him for being cynical, but it was still damned annoying!

At that point, this thought had to make way rather quickly for a brand-new thought which crowded out any speculation about L's childhood.

"_Us_? You mean there are more like you?"

"No," L answered. "There _are_ other Wammy's House graduates, but none are as good as me." Again, no boasting; he was simply stating a fact. "There are only two who have even come close. One's working at the White House and I don't know where the other one is."

There was a short pause.

"What's the catch, Yagami-_san_?" L repeated.

"There _is _no catch, Ryuzaki. Your plan saved my life on the Kira investigation. If you can't believe that I care about you as a person, you should at least believe that _I_ believe in paying my debts."

L tilted his head on one side as he stared at Soichiro, his suspicion, if not gone, then at least put on hold. Clearly this theory had never occurred to him.

"But I couldn't save Light-_kun_."

"No." And then, with a huge effort, Soichiro brought out the heart of what had been disturbing him ever since that fateful day. "I don't think anyone could have saved him once he...once things started." He paused, then said in a very quiet voice, "Not even me."

L tipped his head on the other side. His facial expression never changed (when did it ever? Soichiro thought, not quite randomly) but the older man got the strange impression that there was something in those dark-rimmed eyes which wasn't wholly unsympathetic.

"You believed in him, Yagami-_san_. Right up to the end."

Soichiro let out a bitter laugh. "And does believing in Light's innocence up until the end make me a good father, Ryuzaki? Or does it just make me an idiot?"

"It makes you a good man," L said simply.

Soichiro didn't – couldn't – answer. L had an unnerving tendency to come out with these kinds of remarks, remarks that most people wouldn't consider saying aloud, and somehow make them work.

"It's alright to cry, Yagami-_san_." When the older man glanced up, startled, L gave him that same odd, peaceful smile that Soichiro had only seen once before, when L had said his final goodbye. "I used to do it myself sometimes, when Watari wasn't around. It helps a little. Just remember to wash your eyes afterward, otherwise everyone who sees you will know. Learned that one the hard way." He leaned back on the couch and winced slightly. Seeing him reminded Soichiro about something he'd wondered about ever since that first day when L had shuffled forward to meet the task force.

"Ryuzaki? Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"That depends. Does it have anything to do with Watari?"

"No," Soichiro answered. He'd learned his lesson on _that_ score; even after eighteen months, the pain of losing Watari was still too raw for L to consider the idea that the old man had been anything less than perfect.

"Then go right ahead."

"Doesn't it hurt your back, bending over like that?"

The young man looked surprised at the question, but answered anyway. "Yes, all the time. It's alright though, I'm used to it. And your wife gave me some painkillers this morning."

"_Can_ you stand up straight?"

L studied him for a few moments, then got to his feet. He stood there for a few seconds, as if bracing himself, then put his hands in the small of his back and very slowly straightened up, his spine uncurving with an audible crackle. It was easy to see he wasn't used to it; he'd overcompensated and his back now bent a little in the opposite direction, causing his chest and gut to stick out. There was a pronounced look of discomfort on his face, but he managed to hold the position for four or five seconds before slumping over into a more pronounced stoop than before, breathing rapidly, which brought on another coughing fit.

"Alright. Alright, here." Soichiro grabbed a bowl and got it under L's mouth just in time. He hadn't expected a practical demonstration; a simple _yes _or _no_ would have done. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that would happen."

"Neither did I," L remarked weakly. "It never did before. Watari was always on at me to stand up straight. Said I'd end up damaging my spine permanently." His voice cracked on the last word and he looked away, eyes unnaturally bright.

"And he was right," Soichiro said.

L managed a shaky laugh. "I never thought I'd hear you say that about him."

"Ryuzaki..." The older man hesitated, not sure how best to phrase what he wanted to say without upsetting L again. "I think that Watari making you sleep in that room, whether he locked you in it or not, was wrong."

"You said that already." There was a closed expression on L's face which said, _do not push this_.

"Let me finish. That doesn't mean that I think Watari himself was a bad person."

"Then what _do_ you think, Yagami-_san_? Truly?"

Soichiro gave L a long, long look. "If I answer that, will you give me your word that you won't get upset again?"

"I can't know whether I will or not until I know what you're going to say," L pointed out. "But I promise to keep it under control this time."

Soichiro was silent for a while, working his answer out in his own mind, then he said carefully, "I think Watari cared about you, just like I think he cared about all the kids at Wammy's House, but he was so driven by his desire to change the world for the better that he couldn't understand how much stress he was inflicting on you. I also think that he was so focused on his end goal that he couldn't understand that you might not share it, and he kept pushing and pushing because he believed that if he did, then one day you'd come around to his way of thinking. In a way, you were a tool first, a human being second."

There was a long, long pause, then L said, "You're wrong."

But his voice was very quiet, and lacked any conviction.

* * *

**I originally planned to have far more interaction between L, Sachiko and Sayu in this chapter, but it would have made it about four times longer, so I focused on that for the next chapter ;) As always, reviews are very much appreciated :)**


	5. Falling Rain

**Lucy: **Thanks :) Those are very interesting ideas!

**Mystery Reviewers AKA Guests: **Thanks XD And as requested, I have written more ;-)

**SWACsCDC: **Thanks, I'm glad you liked it :D

**Soysauce:** Thanks :D Yeah, L has a definite stubborn side to him =P

* * *

**JUNE 3**

"Would you like some more, Ryuzaki-_san_?" Sachiko asked, offering the pot of _miso_ soup.

L shook his head. "No thank you, I'm full. But it was very nice."

Soichiro seriously doubted that, as he'd been close enough to see L's expression when he tasted it. Still, at least he didn't have to worry about the young man hurting Sachiko's feelings. L may have been an oddball, but he was a polite oddball.

"Dad says you're a freelance detective," Sayu piped up.

L glanced at Soichiro, his expression unreadable, then back at Sayu.

"I _was_," he said with heavy emphasis. "I retired after the...well, after my last case."

"Kira?" The word was spoken in a hushed voice.

"Yes. I was brought in to help catch him and—" L broke off abruptly as Sachiko finished clearing the plates away and returned with a box of strawberries. "Oh, they look good."

"I thought you said you were full," Soichiro remarked.

"That was before I knew you had strawberries." L offered Sachiko a shy, hopeful smile that Soichiro was sure was put on, but it did the trick; Sachiko dropped several large strawberries into L's bowl.

"So you were part of the Kira investigation?" Sayu persisted. She swallowed. "Did you...see Light?"

"Was I with him at the end, you mean? Yes, I was."

"What happened? I mean...I know Light died, but how? What really happened?"

Soichiro froze motionless, hardly daring to breathe. Damn! He should have foreseen this.

"Sayu, this is _not_ a suitable topic of conversation for—"

"It's fine, Yagami-_san_," L interrupted. He selected the biggest strawberry from his bowl and dropped it into his mouth, chewing and swallowing before speaking again, this time directly to Sayu. "You already know it was a heart attack. Your brother was the last person killed. His death enabled us to get hold of the weapon Kira was using and destroy it. Light-_kun_ died in your father's arms."

Sayu nodded, her expression hungry for more, and even Sachiko was listening hard. Soichiro hadn't said anything about Light's death apart from it had been caused by Kira; that wound was still far too painful for him to reopen just yet. It had never occurred to him to play the tragic hero card. Lying to his family like that was tantamount to lying to himself.

"What happened to Kira?" Sayu pressed.

"He escaped, but his weapon was destroyed. There was no way anyone would be able to use it again, least of all him." L nibbled at another strawberry. "I know this sounds corny, Sayu-_san_, and a little macabre, but if it's any comfort, Light-_kun_'s death really did make a difference. I believe I can honestly say that if your brother hadn't died, everyone on the task force – including me and your father – would have. His death saved us all."

L really had turned lying with the truth into an art form, Soichiro thought. Relaxing a little, he drained his glass.

Sayu managed a small smile and looked at her father. "So...Light died a hero, Dad?"

"You could say that," Soichiro answered. _Although you'd be lying if you did_, he added in his own head. "At least he died knowing that Kira would never hurt anyone again." He held out his glass and Sachiko refilled it obligingly.

Unnoticed by his wife and daughter, Soichiro locked gazes with L. He had never believed in telepathy, but he _did_ believe that people could communicate with far more minute signals than everyone thought. That was how a lot of magicians and so-called mind readers worked; the tiniest twitch of a muscle, so small even the target didn't realize it was happening, could give away a lot.

_Thank you_, he thought.

L's response – the barest twitch of his eyelids and the suggestion of a smile – was as clear as if he'd shouted.

_You're welcome, Yagami-san. Let's keep what really happened between us, shall we?_

Glancing at Sayu, L remarked, "So, Sayu-_san_. You know what I used to do for a living. What about you? Are you in college?"

Sayu finished her mouthful, then nodded. "Yes. This is my first semester; I graduated high school last year."

"With the highest grades in the whole of the Tokyo area," Sachiko couldn't resist adding.

L, who Soichiro suspected could not only walk any high school examination but come away with a perfect score, raised his eyebrows.

"Congratulations." He glanced at Soichiro. "You must be proud of her."

Soichiro couldn't help smiling a little. "I am."

Across the table, his daughter brightened. "Really?"

The word struck Soichiro to the core. His daughter didn't fish for compliments...and now that he thought about it, Soichiro couldn't remember that he'd passed any comment on Sayu's achievement other than a half-hearted _Good work_.

_Well, that at least I can fix right now_.

"Yes, really. I'm very proud of you, Sayu; you worked hard and you deserved those grades."

"What are you going to do with them?" L asked in between strawberries.

Sayu swallowed her last mouthful and said, "Well, I love fashion, so I'm going to apply for a summer job with a fashion magazine in August."

"A fashion magazine?" L echoed, eyebrows raised. "Wouldn't you rather be a model, if you're that into fashion?"

"Yes, I _would_," Sayu answered, glowering at Soichiro, "but my father won't let me!"

"No, your father won't," Soichiro agreed, unmoved. "What's this about a summer job, Sayu?"

The glower vanished as if by magic. "There are a few magazines which offer internships to students during the summer, only I have to get my parents' signature. I'm old enough this year, Dad, _please_ can I apply for one? It could be really helpful when it comes to getting a proper job at a magazine."

"You want to work at a magazine now, do you?"

Sayu, who had inherited her father's tenacity as well as his ability to speak up, glared at him again. "I _want_ to be a model!"

"And _I_ want you in a good, steady career that doesn't have anorexia and/or bulimia on the list of job requirements," Soichiro answered calmly, "so I'd find another dream job if I were you."

"Well, I thought if I can't work in fashion as a model, I could work in it as editor of a fashion magazine. Of course, that's the end goal; I know I'll have to start at the bottom and work up and probably work for other magazines to gain experience, but if I do this internship it'll _give_ me some of that experience and show future employers that I'm serious about it. C'mon Dad, _please_? Working for a magazine isn't so bad, right?"

"It's certainly a far better ambition for you than trying to be a world-famous model," Soichiro conceded. "Find out some more information about this internship program and then I'll see."

Sayu lit up. "Thank you!"

"And if that doesn't work," L added, "maybe you could try being a Hollywood movie actress instead."

Soichiro stifled a groan. He really would have to talk to L about what _not_ to say to Sayu regarding possible career choices, and _soon_.

"Would anyone like any more strawberries?" Sachiko said brightly. Soichiro wasn't sure whether she was attempting to be a good hostess or distract L – or both – but it worked; L abandoned any further thoughts of Sayu's acting career in favor of more fruit and the rest of the meal passed in light conversation.

* * *

"So, Ryuzaki, are you seeing Kozue tonight?"

Across the table, Sayu bounced up eagerly. "Yeah, c'mon! You promised you'd tell us what was going on with her!"

L lifted some rice into the air with his chopsticks, then smiled. "Sorry."

Sayu let out a groan of frustration and gave L a playful shove. "Can't you give us a hint?"

"No."

"Oh, well, allow me."

Soichiro glanced up at Light, who was smirking in a way that could best be described as devilish.

"I saw him and Kozue-_san_ walking to psychology class together."

L flushed to the roots of his hair. "No you didn't!"

"I did," Light insisted, eyes dancing.

Soichiro couldn't help smiling. Life was particularly sweet just then. His son wasn't Kira (how could he even have thought such a thing?) L himself had admitted that he'd only been pretending to suspect Light in order to draw out the true Kira. L had come to him for help shortly after that, saying that after Watari's death, he needed somewhere to stay for a few days. Light, being Light, had promptly bundled L into the Yagami household and the detective had been installed on the couch (he'd started off sharing a room with Light, but one too many late nights talking and/or playing chess had put paid to that idea). The two of them were closer than most brothers Soichiro had known and even though L's 'few days' stay had so far stretched into six weeks, none of them would even consider asking him to leave.

Unaware of the thoughts going through his father's head, Light continued.

"I followed the two of them to class."

"Kozue-_san_'s a new student. She doesn't know her way around OCU yet. She's never even been to Osaka before."

"Well, I'm not going to argue with the world's greatest detective," Light said easily. "I think it's nice of you to help a blind girl around, Ryuzaki."

There was a short pause.

"Blind?" Soichiro echoed.

Light pasted an innocent look on his face. "Well, why else would Ryuzaki have been leading her by the hand?"

Unable to stop herself, Sayu giggled as L placed his chopsticks down and glared daggers at Light.

"I wanted to be sure she didn't get lost."

"Oh yes, because there's always _such_ a panicked rush for psychology class. It's so popular these days that if you're not careful, you can wind up getting trampled. It's lucky Kozue-_san_ has you for her knight in shining jeans, Ryuzaki."

Sayu giggled again. Dinner went on in silence for a few minutes, then L spoke.

"So, how's Akemi these days, Light-_kun_?"

Light jerked as if he'd been shot. "I don't know anyone called Akemi!"

"Really? You didn't look as if you didn't know her."

"Who's Akemi?" Sayu demanded, face alight with curiosity.

"Someone your brother apparently doesn't know but likes to kiss rather frequently," L answered.

"I kissed her _once_ and anyway, she kissed _me_." Light picked up his bowl and began drinking out of it.

"Dad?"

Soichiro glanced at Sayu. "Yes?"

"Dad?" Sayu repeated. "Dad?"

_Oh_. Soichiro closed his eyes, his good mood washing away as he understood what was happening.

_It's just a dream. Just another damn dream. _Light's talking about going to college at OCU should have tipped him off.

"Dad?"

Hold on; _that_ wasn't a dream. Soichiro frowned, trying to place it.

"Dad, please wake up."

"Sayu?" He rolled over enough to look at his daughter, blinking sleep out of his eyes. "What...are you alright?"

"Yes, but...it's Ryuzaki-_san_."

Soichiro was alert in an instant. "What about him?"

"He's standing outside and it's cold tonight. And..." Sayu's voice trailed off.

"And what?"

"I went outside to try and persuade him to come back in, but he won't. It's raining quite hard and I'm worried about him. I tried taking him an umbrella but he won't use it. I mean, he's not doing anything; he's just standing there looking up into the sky."

The little part of Soichiro that operated on father-mode regardless of the circumstances said, "What are you doing out of bed at this time anyway?"

"The storm woke me up and I couldn't go back to sleep, so I went down to get a drink of water and saw him out there."

"Did he say anything to you? When you tried to get him to come back in?"

Sayu nodded. "Yes. He was quite polite; he just said _Thank you for your concern, Sayu-san, but I'm alright out here_."

Soichiro took a long, deep breath, then let it out in a sigh. He didn't want to deal with this right now. He just wanted to roll over, pull the covers up around his chin and go back to sleep. And he wanted back inside that dream. Wanted back inside a world where Light hadn't screamed for his father's death.

"Alright." His voice was dull, listless as he pulled on a dressing gown. "Show me."

He left his still-slumbering wife and followed Sayu downstairs. Now he could hear the rain lashing against the windows, he wondered how he could have slept through it.

"Where did you put the umbrellas?"

"Over there." Sayu pointed to where she'd set them neatly to one side.

"Good. This won't take long." Soichiro picked up the biggest umbrella and stepped outside, then opened it and held it over L's head.

Calmly, almost politely, L pushed it out of the way again. "Please don't do that, Yagami-_san._ You're spoiling the rain."

"Are you _trying_ to kill yourself?" Soichiro demanded.

"If I wanted to kill myself, I'd step in front of a bus," L answered in the same calm tones. "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to get some fresh air."

"In the _rain_?"

"Of course. I like rain, especially at night. Rain at night looks kind of pretty from underneath, don't you think? Like tears turned into diamonds."

"That's very poetic, Ryuzaki. Why don't you come and be poetic indoors?"

"Because there's no rain indoors," L answered in the patient tones of one who thinks his listener is an idiot. "The roof gets in the way."

"Yes, I know," Soichiro answered. "That's its job. Are you going to come inside now? You're upsetting Sayu."

"Huh?" L shook off his rain-induced trance and glanced around, surprised. "Why?"

"She's worried about you. We both are. You'll get a cold standing out here, especially in this wind."

"That's an urban myth, Yagami-_san_. Both colds and the flu are airborne viruses, neither of which can be formed by adverse wind conditions. You're thinking of tornadoes."

Actually, Soichiro was thinking how much he'd love to grab L by the scruff of the neck and drag him inside just at that moment.

"Hypothermia, then," he said. "Now let's go back inside before you get hit by lightning or something."

"Lighting is attracted to metal, Yagami-_san_, and the highest point. Since you're holding an umbrella with a metal point above my head, any lightning that decides to strike here may hit _you_, but it won't affect _me_."

Soichiro put a hand on L's shoulder. "It will now, Ryuzaki, so I suggest you come inside with me before that happens. There'll be other rainy nights."

L considered this. "That's true, I suppose. Alright. I was getting a little cold anyway."

Abandoning his reverie, he followed the older man back inside the house.

"Ryuzaki-_san_!" Sayu hurried over to them. "Are you alright?"

L blinked.

"Of course," he replied. "I'm just a little damp."

That was the understatement of the century, Soichiro thought as he looked at L, who was drenched to the skin and dripping on the floor. As the young man started toward the couch, Soichiro caught him by the elbow.

"Not like that you don't. Take off your clothes."

The young man yanked his arm free, a shocked look on his face. "_What_?"

"You heard me. They're soaked right through. Sayu, go and get Ryuzaki a towel."

Sayu raced off, returning a few minutes later with a large bath towel.

"Thank you." L took the towel automatically while keeping his gaze on Soichiro, who didn't much like the look in those dark eyes.

"Can I get you anything else? A hot drink?"

"No thank you, Sayu_-san_." Still L refused to look at Sayu. "I'm fine."

"It's alright, Sayu," Soichiro added. "Go back to bed."

His daughter stared at him. "But—"

"_Now_." Soichiro wasn't sure how L was viewing this situation, but at least if Sayu wasn't there, then the young man couldn't feel like he was outnumbered.

Sayu cast a look at L, whose whole attention was still focused on Soichiro, then turned and headed back upstairs, reluctance in every fibre of her body. A few minutes later, they heard her bedroom door open and close.

"Getting rid of any witnesses, Yagami-_san_?" It was impossible to tell whether L meant this as a joke or not. There was no real suspicion in his face, but he could have just been too tired.

"It's quarter past one in the morning, Ryuzaki. There's no point in Sayu being out of bed if she doesn't have to." Soichiro took a step towards L, who backed off a little too quickly, colliding with an armchair. The sudden exertion sparked off another volley of coughs, this one so violent that L ended up bent double with the force of it.

Soichiro started towards him, concerned, and put a hand on his back._  
_

"Ryuzaki—"_  
_

"_Get away from me_!" L slammed a fist into the older man's chest, or tried to. Even if L hadn't been coughing his guts up, Soichiro hadn't spent all those years in the NPA for nothing and he dodged the blow automatically, catching hold of L's wrists.

Recovering from his coughing fit, L gave a couple of futile yanks, and when that didn't work, settled for glaring at Soichiro._  
_

"Take your hands off me, Yagami." His voice was dangerously quiet._  
_

The older man didn't move. "Not if you're going to attack me."_  
_

"I'll rip your damn lungs out if you don't get off me!"_  
_

Soichiro raised cold eyebrows, unimpressed. He'd heard far worse threats in his line of work.

"Go on then," he said._  
_

"How long are you going to keep playing this game?" L snarled._  
_

Soichiro refused to rise to L's bait, not least because he didn't quite understand what the young man was driving at._  
_

"I'm not playing any kind of game, Ryuzaki."_  
_

"Then let me _go_!"_  
_

Soichiro didn't respond. He wasn't certain whether L was referring to having his wrist grabbed or being in the Yagami household, and wasn't sure he could ask without setting L off again.

"Damn you, Yagami—" L's voice was hoarser than usual, and Soichiro didn't think this was wholly due to coughing— "_will you get off me_? Can't you cut out all this...this hypocritical _crap_ for just one minute?"_  
_

The older man allowed a touch of ice into his voice and face. "You cut out the _yobisute _crap and then maybe I'll consider it. Or I _would_," he added, "if I knew what you were talking about. Do you think I'm going to strip you by force?"

"If you want my clothes, you're going to have to."

Soichiro stared at L, his mind racing as he tried to figure out how best to proceed.

_If I get this wrong, if I make even the smallest mistake, he'll either attack me or try to bolt_. He wasn't afraid of L – he was certain that he would win in any kind of physical struggle between them – but that wasn't the point.

_Dammit, I'm not going to hurt him! Can't he see that_?

"Alright." He released L's wrists and stepped away, hands raised. "Alright. Just...calm down."

"_I am calm_!"

Soichiro moved back further until he reached the armchair, then sat down and waited. At this rate, L's clothes would be dry long before he convinced the young man to part with them.

Noticing L seemed marginally more relaxed now that Soichiro wasn't looming over him, the older man spoke.

"Ryuzaki, would you agree that hanging around in wet clothes can make a person ill?"

"If you think I'm going to fall for _that _tactic, Yagami-_san_, you're a bigger idiot than Matsuda!"

"Would you agree, Ryuzaki? Yes or no?" Soichiro kept his own voice calm. He'd defused plenty of situations before; he thought he could handle this one. Keep it calm, that was the main thing. Keep it calm, keep repeating the question, keep using the person's name (or alias, in L's case), never interrupt them and never, ever let them bait you into arguing back.

"It wasn't even cold out there."

"Yes or no, Ryuzaki?"

"_Yes_! Damn you!" L's answer came out a little louder than even he had intended and he winced, glancing upstairs to see if he'd woken anyone. "Damn you," he repeated, quieter this time.

"Alright," Soichiro said again. "You've said you want to leave my house and go back to Osaka, and _I've_ said you're not going anywhere until you're well again. With all that in mind, Ryuzaki, why make yourself any sicker than you already are?"

L nibbled on his thumbnail, never taking his eyes off Soichiro's face. The distrust was still there, but the older man was relieved to note that his words had done the trick and that L had himself back under control again.

"If I were to give you my clothes, where would you take them?" he asked at last.

Was _that_ it? Did L think Soichiro was going to steal his clothes? But _why_, for heaven's sake? They weren't valuable and they wouldn't fit anyone in the Yagami family. Even Light, had he still been alive, wouldn't have got into them.

"I wouldn't take them anywhere. I'd hang them over the radiator in here to dry quicker."

The distrust gave way to surprise. "That's it? Why didn't you say so?"

His change in attitude was so instant that it knocked Soichiro mentally off-balance, and the older man wondered for the first time whether L was doing this on purpose. If he thought he was going to be kept here against his will – and Soichiro was certain that at least a part of him did think that, regardless of what was said – then had he decided to try and unsettle the older man to the point where Soichiro would throw him out?

"You know, Ryuzaki, I wish you'd talk to me," Soichiro said without really thinking.

L blinked. "Certainly, Yagami-_san_. Is there any particular subject on which you would like me to converse?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about we start with what the hell's going on in your head and take it from there? If you don't want to trust me, fine. That's your choice. But _you_ faked your own death, Ryuzaki. _You_ faked your own death, _you_ chose to disappear for eighteen months and at the end of it, _you_ came to _me, _not the other way around and I'm getting very tired of being treated like the enemy when I've done nothing to deserve it!"

There was a long, long silence, during which L had the grace to look a little ashamed of himself.

"How long..." He cleared his throat. "How long do you think it'll take?"

"To dry your clothes, you mean?" When L nodded, Soichiro answered, "A few hours. Maybe a little more."

"And you'll keep them in here? Where I can see them?"

A hard edge crept into Soichiro's voice. "I'm not a thief, Ryuzaki. Nor are my wife and daughter."

"No, I know. I never thought that, Yagami-_san, _and I'm sorry if I offended you. It's just...something I saw once." An unpleasant memory flickered across L's face, then he shook his head as though fighting to clear it, glanced up at Soichiro and gave him a brittle smile. "I'm fine."

_No you're not_. Soichiro wasn't sure of many things when it came to L, but one thing he could see was that the young man was about as far away from being fine as it was possible to be.

He opened his mouth.

"_No_, Yagami-_san_." Now L's voice held the irritation of someone who has made the same point several times already, and who can see themselves having to make it several _more_ times in the not-too-distant future. "What I saw did not happen to me. Nor did it involve Watari in any way, shape or form, or any kind of abuse, which was probably going to be your next assumption. It's just something that's stayed with me. But if all you want to do is hang my clothes over the radiator in here, then that's fine with me." He stared at Soichiro and, when the older man didn't take the hint, raised expectant eyebrows and cleared his throat.

_What does he—oh, for goodness' sake!_

Rolling his eyes, Soichiro got to his feet and turned his back in – it has to be confessed – a rather exaggerated fashion, and waited. At last L said, "Alright, I'm done."

Soichiro turned around again and froze, appalled. L had placed his clothes over the radiator himself and wrapped the towel around his waist, leaving the rest of his body exposed. Looking at him was like looking at a skeleton; L was so emaciated that it was possible to pick out every single rib and vertebra. Soichiro had noticed the young man was underweight back in Aomori, of course, but he hadn't realized it was _this_ bad.

That was the first thing he noticed. The _second _thing was the scars.

"What—" he began

"I have enemies, Yagami-_san_," L said simply. "Watari was a very dedicated bodyguard, not to mention a very good one, but it's impossible to be on high alert every minute of every day. Given the number of criminals I put away and the even greater number that wanted me dead, I don't think Watari and I did too badly, all things considered."

That was certainly true, Soichiro admitted. He'd seen NPA operatives with far more scars than the few that marred L's body. Two of them were the distinct circular marks left by bullet wounds and there was another deep one on the young man's forearm that—Soichiro stared at it, shocked.

_That...is that—no. No, it can't be._

"Is that a _bite_?" he demanded.

"Hm?" L followed the older man's stare down to the circular scar. "Oh, that. Yes, I got it from another kid at Wammy's House a few years ago, when I went back for a visit."

"_Why_?"

"Something went wrong somewhere, but I never got any details. All I really know is that he'd been run into the ground and then beaten to the verge of unconsciousness before getting back to the House. He'd driven the entire staff away when I arrived and they were talking about tranquillizing him, so I stepped in and they were happy to leave me to it. Poor kid was too far gone to realize where he was or who anyone was; he was just trying to defend himself. It took two hours before he let me clean his face up, and he spent most of that time trying to bite or scratch any part of me that came within range. I have a few other scars from him, but that one's the most prominent. I think he would have bitten right through the bone if he could."

"What happened to him?" Soichiro couldn't help asking.

L was silent for a few minutes, his eyes clouded over.

"He ran away the day before he turned twelve," he answered at last. "I don't know what happened to him or where he went. I mean, some kids do try to run, especially in the beginning. I tried myself. But Mello's the only one who's ever succeeded. I don't know where he went; all I know is that the staff at Wammy's House were never able to recapture him."

Soichiro blinked.

"Recapture?" he echoed. "That's a strange word to use."

"I meant _find,_" L said quickly. "They were never able to find him. Watari probably could have done but he was with me by then so he wasn't spending much time at Wammy's House. I still think about Mello though." The young man looked away, his mask temporarily replaced by a worried and far more human expression. "I hope he's okay. Wherever he is, whatever he's doing, I hope he's okay. And...I hope he's happy."

Both were very unlikely in Soichiro's opinion – the streets weren't kind to twelve year old kids – but he kept that little gem to himself.

"Couldn't you have found him?" he said.

"Probably, but I promised he'd be safe from me if he did decide to run. I thought about trying to find him after the Kira case, but I don't have access to the same kind of network as I did when Watari was alive."

"You could have spoken to Wammy's House directly, after Watari's death."

L looked away, lips tight. "If you're calling me a coward because my desire to stay free is stronger than my desire to find Mello and help him, you're wasting your breath, Yagami-_san_. I've called myself far worse things than that. I've never once claimed to be heroic, just intelligent."

"You were heroic when you wrote your name in the Death Note."

"No I wasn't," L said flatly. "I was desperate."

"Desperate people can be heroes too," Soichiro remarked.

L glanced at him, then his face relaxed into a smile.

"No. Heroes are the sort of people who drive trucks into TV screens."

"Now _that_ was reckless. People could have been hurt."

"But they weren't." The smile broadened into the first real grin Soichiro had ever seen on L's face. "And it was pretty cool to watch. Like something out of an action movie."

"You watch action movies, do you?"

The grin vanished and L seemed to wilt in on himself. "Yeah...sometimes. When Watari was asleep and I was supposed to be working on cases. But it was only once or twice and only when I was positive whoever I was after wouldn't murder someone else if I took a two hour break!"

"Well, it's good to hear you did something besides solve cases." Soichiro kept his voice easy, laid-back. "Which films did you see?"

Seeing the older man wasn't inclined to disapprove, L relaxed a little. "_Die Hard_. And _Ringu,_ though I guess that's not really an action movie. Did you ever see that one, Yagami_-san_?"

"No, but I know about it." _Thanks to Light_, Soichiro added to himself. His son – then twelve years old – had seen the movie and used it to play a practical joke on Sayu that had gone very wrong. Soichiro still vividly remembered Sayu's reaction. It had taken him three and a half hours to soothe his hysterical daughter, and about as long again to remove all the barricades and precautions that little Sayu had felt it necessary to set up in her bedroom for protection from the 'ghost woman'. Soichiro prided himself on the fact that he'd never raised a hand to either of his children, but that night was the closest Light had ever come to getting a slap from his enraged father.

"What about reading?" he said aloud. "Do you read?"

"Yeah. I like Ryu Murakami and Koji Suzuki. And Stephen King. Not that I ever mentioned that in Wammy's House, of course."

Soichiro blinked. "Why?"

L shrugged.

"I'm a genius," he said with no trace of conceit. "Geniuses aren't supposed to like horror stories. We're supposed to be above all that and only read books by Dostoevsky and Tolstoy. Even Dickens is considered a little too frivolous."

"Didn't you read any Japanese writers in Wammy's House?" Soichiro couldn't help asking.

"We had some of Masaoka's work, but that was it. A few of the staff felt sorry for us and used to smuggle the odd novel in, but sooner or later we'd get caught reading them and have to throw them away." Another shrug. "It's like music. No matter how young they are, geniuses aren't supposed to like anything more modern than Beethoven. If they do, they're wasting their talents. Personally, classical music bores me stupid. I like something with far more of a beat."

"There must have been some kind of stories for the younger children, though," Soichiro pressed, partly out of genuine curiosity, partly out of a desire to take advantage of L's unusual loquacity.

"No. When you're eight and you have a mental age of about twenty five, stories like _The Tongue-Cut Sparrow_ aren't really what you want. And nobody bothers reading to you, because every kid in Wammy's House can read for themselves no matter how young they are. At least, they could when I was a kid there. I'm not sure; it may have changed. I haven't been back since I was about twenty."

"How old are you now?"

L tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling for several seconds. At last he said, "I don't really know. Watari handled all the legal side of things and I had a lot of passports in different names with different dates of birth to make me harder to trace. I'm not sure what my original one says. I vaguely remember having birthdays with my parents, but we didn't celebrate them at the orphanage. At least, we did, but only amongst ourselves. None of the other kids had the range of identities that I did, so maybe they found their birthdays easier to remember."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "You must have some idea."

"Yes, I can tell you I'm either twenty three or twenty four. I know the year I was born but I don't know my exact date of birth. I had too many others to learn and memorize, to say nothing of picking up an entirely new language and culture. To be honest, Yagami_-san_, there were times when it was all I could do to remember my name."

_And just what is that_? Soichiro wondered but wasn't stupid enough to ask. From what little he'd been able to make out, as far as L was concerned there was no greater sign of trust than telling someone his real name. The older man supposed it had something to do with the fact that just about every single criminal in existence wanted L dead. You had to be able to hide your identity in a life like that.

_Except he's not a detective anymore. And he's relaxed; he may answer without thinking—_

_Brilliant strategy, Miyamoto! So every time L decides to let his guard down a little around you, you're going to try and trick him. That'll really help him to trust you._

"You see, that's something I don't understand," he said aloud.

L glanced at him curiously. "What?"

"You're an orphan, and you're Japanese—you are, aren't you?" Soichiro interrupted himself.

"Yes." Still no suspicion. Good. Soichiro was beginning to get the hang of L's moods. Saying anything bad or even slightly critical about Watari would trigger them, as would any hint that L's life had been unpleasant (although Soichiro didn't know if that was because such hints were wildly inaccurate or because they hit too close to home). Ask general, factual questions, and L was happy to answer them.

"And when your parents were alive, you lived in Japan?"

"Yes, in the Aomori prefecture."

Was that why L had gone back there? Had he been trying to find some traces of his family? No matter how much care Watari had lavished on L, Soichiro was certain that the young man would still have been curious about his real family. L's parents may have been dead, but what about his grandparents? Did he have any aunts? Uncles? Siblings?

"There are plenty of orphanages in Japan," Soichiro went on, "so how did you end up in one in England?"

L frowned.

"I don't know," he said again. "I mean, I remember being driven to the airport and flown to England, but I'm not sure how or when it was decided to send me there. I was only eight years old at the time, Yagami-_san_, and adults don't tend to discuss things like that with you when you're that age."

"Did you ever find out how your parents died?"

L shot Soichiro a narrow look. "What makes you ask that?"

The older man leaned back in his chair, hoping he hadn't just shattered the rapport that had been building up between them.

"I'm curious," he answered simply.

L studied him for a few minutes, then seemed to consider the question harmless enough; he shrugged.

"When I was eight, there was some kind of incident, an attempted bombing or something. Even at the time I didn't fully understand what was going on. But I managed to find out who was responsible in time to stop it. Maybe that's why I was sent to England, because the guy had friends who were planning revenge. After I'd been in Wammy's House for a few months, I..." He shifted his weight, cleared his throat and tried again, not looking at Soichiro. "I found out that my parents had been killed by the same organization behind the bombing. I guess it was lucky I got out of Japan in time, otherwise I'd be dead too."

At that point, understanding didn't hit Soichiro so much as clobber him. It was just as well L wasn't looking at him, as there was no way the older man could have stopped the expression of complete shock that appeared on his face. It was also a good thing that Soichiro had sat down before starting this conversation, otherwise his legs would have collapsed under him on the spot.

_Oh my god. _His lips formed the words, but he didn't speak them, just stared at the young man sitting on his sofa. More particularly at L's hair, which was now sticking out even more than usual after being scrubbed dry and was the final confirmation for Soichiro's newfound suspicions.

_I know who you are, Ryuzaki._ It was a good thing L had never mentioned any of this during the Kira case, otherwise Light would have discovered his rival's real name a lot sooner.

_I know who you are. I know your name – your real name – and I think I'm beginning to understand what happened to you all those years ago. The only thing I don't know...is what the hell I'm supposed to do about it._

* * *

**AN: **Forestalling potential comments, yes, I know Mello was fourteen when he left Wammy's House. However, this is based in the movieverse. Since Mello and Near never showed up and were never mentioned in the films (no, that Thai boy in _Change the WorLd _really doesn't count as far as I'm concerned!) I took one or two liberties with their characters' ages and eventual fates in this version ;)

**AN 2: **For anyone unfamiliar with the term _yobisute_, there's no real English equivalent (which is why I had to use the Japanese word) but it refers to calling a Japanese person by name only, without any accompanying suffix, such as when L calls Soichiro 'Yagami' instead of 'Yagami-_san'_. With the exception of very close friends and family (and occasionally in the workplace) it's seen as extremely disrespectful, especially from a young person to an older one.


	6. Black Hair

**Soysauce: **Hee hee, thanks XD And one update, as you ordered ;)

**Lucy: ***blushes* Thanks, I'm glad you like it so much! :D

* * *

**JUNE 4**

_Black hair_.

Soichiro sat on the toilet seat, mind burning. It was twenty to five in the morning, and he hadn't slept since persuading L to come out of the rain. The ensuite bathroom wasn't his usual place for thinking, but he didn't feel comfortable sitting downstairs while L was trying to sleep.

_Except Ryuzaki's hair was soaking wet, so of course it looked black. You can't know it's him for sure_.

_No, that doesn't explain what he said about the bombing_. _Not just that, but he said himself that he came from Aomori, and he'd be around the right age. It's him. It has to be_.

He'd noticed it before, of course, at their first meeting. It was a little hard not to; L's hair was jet black as opposed to the very dark brown that most Japanese had, emphasizing the unnatural pallor of the young man's skin. That was one thing that had improved at any rate; eighteen months out and about had given L a healthier looking complexion.

_Great. So he no longer looks like a candidate for a ghost film. How does that help me decide what to do?_

Should he tell someone what he'd discovered? Update the case file in the NPA archives? It was a shame Kitamura had retired as director of the NPA; he'd been a little stuffy, but he was no fool and he was more experienced than Soichiro. He would have known how best to proceed. It was also a shame that his replacement was such an idiot, although Soichiro would have died rather than voice that particular opinion anywhere but in his own head.

_What happened to you, Ryuzaki? That day in Aomori fifteen years ago, when you were just a little boy...what happened to you? Do you even remember yourself?_

Could he go downstairs yet? Soichiro checked his watch and sighed. Five to five.

_Why did we decide to move into an open plan house?_ he wondered savagely. If the kitchen had been a separate room, at least he could have shut himself away in there with a few dozen cups of coffee and no risk of disturbing L.

At last Soichiro got to his feet and walked into the bedroom, picked up the book he'd been reading and did something he hadn't done since he'd been a boy and trying to sneak in some illicit after-bedtime reading without his father finding out; he went to read on the stairs. His childhood home had had a small alcove where young Soichiro could sit and read by the light of the street lamps. The house he lived in now didn't have such a nicety, but that was alright; he could put on the landing light and not disturb anybody.

Soichiro sat on the stairs, opened his book and completely failed to focus on it for about fifteen minutes before giving it up as a bad job.

_Screw it. I'll go to work early._ The NPA operated a skeleton crew overnight; he could root around in the archives until the time came to start his own work.

Decision made, he got to his feet, went back to his room and dressed for work. Sachiko was still sleeping soundly as he left, and Soichiro felt a brief pang of guilt. He'd planned to start spending more time with his wife and daughter, and instead he was creeping out the house before either of them were awake.

_Never mind. I'll make it up to them both once Ryuzaki's recovered._

Silently, he headed downstairs to where L was snoozing on the sofa, fully dressed again and snoring in a way not often associated with geniuses. At some point he must have gotten cold; he'd fetched some of the towels from the downstairs bathroom and bundled himself up in them so tightly that only the top of his head could be seen. Presumably he'd also left himself a breathing hole, although Soichiro couldn't see it.

_And what are the chances that he waited about ten minutes after you'd gone upstairs before grabbing his clothes and putting them back on? High. Very high. _

Soichiro crossed over and pulled down enough of the blanket and towel nest to feel L's sleeve. It was damp, but not wet.

"Idiot," he muttered.

L opened sleepy eyes and poked out enough of his head to look at Soichiro. "Do you _ever_ say _good morning, _Yagami-_san_?"

Soichiro ignored this. "If you get ill because of your own stubbornness, Ryuzaki, don't come crying to me."

"I've never gone crying to anyone in my life." L sat up, yawning. Since he slept in the same curled up position he sat in, this was a far simpler operation than it was for most people; he just extended a hand and pushed himself vertical, shedding three towels on the way and wrapping the other coverings snugly around himself. "By the way, someone called Tatenaka phoned for you."

Soichiro turned, startled. "How do you know?"

"I was just resting my eyes when you came down. Your cell phone woke me up about half an hour ago, and I saw the name on the screen."

Soichiro was tempted to debate the eye resting part (in his experience, people who were resting their eyes didn't usually snore) but he wasn't sure he had the time.

"What did he want?" he said instead.

L raised his eyebrows. "Since I'm not your secretary, Yagami-_san_, I have no idea. I just thought it might be important. Then again, maybe this Tatenaka-_san_ often makes social calls to you. Though this does seem an odd time of the morning to do it."

"I doubt it, Ryuzaki, since he's my boss."

"Boss?" L blinked. "What happened to Kitamura-_san_?"

"He retired six months after the Kira case."

"Pity. He was pompous, but he did have a few brains." L yawned again. "Will Sachiko-_san_ be up soon? I'm hungry."

Soichiro glanced up from his cell phone and gave L a long look.

"You _could_ always get your own breakfast, you know," he said pointedly.

"I don't know how to. Besides, we both know Sachiko-_san_ will cook breakfast for me anyway, and if I stuff myself first then I won't be able to eat whatever she makes and she'll just end up worrying about me." L considered for a few minutes, then added, "I hope she makes those salmon rice balls again before I leave. I like those."

Oh well, Soichiro supposed he should just be grateful that L wasn't demanding sweets and cakes for every meal. Actually, considering the young man was used to having Watari cater to his every whim – especially when it came to food – Soichiro was surprised that L was as quiet and undemanding as he was; a large part had expected him to be...well, a spoiled brat, not to put too fine a point on it.

"I'll mention it to her when I next see her." In fact, now that he thought about it, L had never asked for or taken anything that hadn't first been offered.

L regarded him in silence for a few minutes, then said very quietly, "Yes. I understand. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Soichiro echoed. "Sorry for what?"

"Would you be going into work this early if I weren't here, Yagami-_san_?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Do you think I'm running away from you, Ryuzaki?"

The thought of that was enough to make L smile a little. "No. I just think that you're used to having this part of the house to yourself and you feel a little awkward now I'm here. Even though I didn't _want_ to come here," he couldn't resist adding.

"Yes, _thank you_, Ryuzaki, we've established that. If you're trying to provoke me into throwing you out—" Soichiro bit down hard on saying _you'll have to try a lot harder than that_ on the basis that L might actually take him at his word and settled for, "you're wasting your time. Now excuse me a moment."

He dialed the number for his voicemail and brought the phone to his ear. A few seconds later, he pulled it away again as Tatenaka's voice bellowed down the line at him.

"Yagami, there's been an incident! I don't care how important your holiday is, I'm telling you to get back in here _right now_!"

Soichiro turned off the phone with a grimace. Any incident which had the director out of bed and calling him this early really _wasn't_ going to be a good one.

"Well, he could do with learning a few manners," L remarked. "Would you like me to find something you can blackmail him with? It shouldn't take me too long."

"No!"

"Alright, _alright_. I was just offering. Why didn't they make you the director, anyway? I would have thought with your file, you'd have been the ideal choice."

"And just what do you know about my file, Ryuzaki?" Soichiro demanded.

"Everything," L replied simply. "I like to know the people I'm working with, Yagami-_san_, so I looked you up at the beginning of the Kira investigation. Why didn't they give you the director's job?"

"Even if they had, I wouldn't have accepted it. If I became the director, I'd have to spend most of my time behind a desk, probably pushing papers. I'm happy where I am." Soichiro glanced in the mirror and straightened his tie, then addressed L's reflection. "If Sachiko asks, tell her something vital came up at work and I had to go in early."

"Yes, Yagami-_bucho_!"

Soichiro turned to glare at the young man, who was now studying the ceiling with the most innocent expression that the older man had ever seen on anyone's face. Given the number of suspects he'd interviewed, he had to admit that was quite an achievement on L's part.

"_Ryuzaki_..."

"I apologize, Yagami-_san,_" L said meekly. "I must have accidentally sneezed while saying your name. I'm sure it won't happen again."

_I'm not_, Soichiro thought, although he couldn't bring himself to be truly angry. L wasn't trying to be disrespectful; he was simply having a little fun.

_Who would have thought Ryuzaki had a sense of humor?_

"When are you planning to get back?" L inquired, serious again now. "Just in case Sachiko-_san_ asks me."

"She won't. Sachiko's been married to me long enough to know there's no point in asking _that_ question."

The young man shrugged. "Fair enough." He hesitated, then said in a smaller voice, "Yagami-_san_?"

"Yes?"

To Soichiro's surprise, L looked awkward, hunching over a little more than usual.

"I was just wondering...well..." He cleared his throat. "Would you mind if I read one or two of your books?"

"I'm not sure you'll find them very interesting, Ryuzaki, but help yourself."

"Thank you. To be honest, I've gone so long without _any_ kind of real reading material that I'd probably find the dictionary a thrilling read." L paused, then added, "Good luck with the murder."

Soichiro turned sharply. "What murder?"

"I've no idea. But I find it hard to believe they'd call in the deputy director of the NPA for a case of shoplifting. Whatever's happened, it must be big." L considered this. "Then again, Tatenaka _is_ a prize idiot, so you may get in to find nothing more exciting than a missing puppy. Why _did_ they give him the job? If they wanted an efficient, reliable head of the NPA, they'd have done better with _Matsuda_ at the helm."

"Thank you for that rather alarming mental image, Ryuzaki," Soichiro said flatly. "I may never sleep through the night again."

"Oh? I wasn't aware that you ever did."

Soichiro opened his mouth for a sharp retort, foresaw the likely outcome of any kind of debate or argument with L on this subject, and turned and walked out instead.

It took him twenty minutes to get to work – the streets in Tokyo were never empty, but at this time you avoided the worst of the rush hour traffic – and the drive helped him to gather his thoughts a little. In spite of L's words, Soichiro was sure that Tatenaka wouldn't have called him back for anything that wasn't vital.

_Just like you were sure Light wasn't Kira, in spite of L's words? _a nasty little voice whispered inside his head.

Soichiro silently told the nasty little voice to do something he'd never have even contemplated saying out loud, parked the car and walked over to the main building.

The atmosphere inside was edgy, bordered with resentment and hit him like a brick in a sock the second he opened the door. Glancing around, Soichiro's heart didn't just sink; it dropped. It looked like he wasn't the only one Tatenaka had called in. Even though it wasn't six o'clock yet, over half the department was present...with the notable exception of Tatenaka himself.

_Wonderful. Just wonderful. He calls in everyone he can, and then he calls me in to organize them to avoid the bother of having to do it himself._

Soichiro's gaze fell on Aizawa, who was one of the people under his command that he liked on a personal level, and not just because the younger man had been one of the few to join the task force. He was smart and could keep his head in a crisis; in fact, it looked like he'd already started trying to keep a few of the others calm.

"Aizawa—" Soichiro made sure his voice carried through the room— "give me fifteen minutes and then bring me everything you have on the current situation." _Like what that situation is, for example._

Aizawa nodded. "Yes, Yagami-_bucho_."

Soichiro strode into his office and shut the door. There was only one thing on his mind just then, and for once it wasn't his job. Fifteen minutes would be long enough to get sorted and to do a quick check on a certain past case. He'd never been distracted like this before, but it would only take a short while and it would be enough to tell if his hunch about L was right.

_Black hair,_ he thought and typed a name into the NPA archive database, calling up a case file.

A few seconds later, the file – complete with images – appeared on his monitor and the bottom dropped out of his world.

_Ryuzaki. _Soichiro stared at the screen, mouth dry. _So I was right. It is you._

There could be no doubt about it. The picture on his screen was L as he'd looked at age eight. Admittedly people changed as they got older, and the L in the picture looked a whole lot happier and healthier than the L Soichiro had left behind on his couch, but there were enough similarities between the two to remove any doubt. Especially the hair.

A knock on his door heralded the arrival of Aizawa, who was carrying a manila file in one hand.

"Yagami-_bucho_, are you ready for—" He broke off, frowning. "Are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."

This wasn't a typical comment made to a boss in Japan, much less the deputy director of the NPA, but in the privacy of Soichiro's office, formalities between him and the former members of the task force were slightly relaxed.

Soichiro gave a short, hollow laugh. "I've seen two!"

Aizawa stared at him, clearly unsure how to proceed. Although he was passionate when it came to his job, he was also very logical and had fixed ideas about how certain people behaved. Deputy directors were not supposed to discuss supernatural visitations, at least, not at work.

"Two?" he echoed.

"I know who Ryuzaki is, Aizawa. I mean, I know who he _really_ is."

Now it was Aizawa who looked stunned. Glancing around, he shut Soichiro's office door and came further in.

"_Is_?" he said in a low voice.

Too late, Soichiro realized what he'd said. But still, Aizawa wasn't a gossip; in fact, he rarely spoke at all unless he had something vital to say. If he could tell anyone, he could tell Aizawa, and if he didn't tell _someone _about this, he thought he'd explode.

"The Death Note was a fake. Ryuzaki's alive."

He had to hand to the younger man; Aizawa didn't do anything besides stare at him for a few minutes, then said, "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! You don't think I could have had him living in my house for the past three nights and not notice if he was dead, do you?"

"Alright, alright! I'm sorry. It's just a shock." Aizawa paused for a few seconds, then his curiosity got the better of him. "So who is he? Really?"

Soichiro gave him a twisted kind of smile.

"See for yourself," he said, and turned his computer monitor around.

Aizawa came closer and studied it for a few minutes, then dropped not only his jaw, but the folder as well.

"No _way_!" he said hoarsely.

This was also a phrase that was very rarely heard in Soichiro's office, least of all from Aizawa, but the deputy director let it go this time. It summed up his own thoughts from last night a little too perfectly to argue with.

"It's him, Aizawa. Everything he's told me fits in with it."

"But...that kid's _dead_."

"No, he was _presumed_ dead fifteen years ago. We know that he went to school one day and he never came home. We know they never found a body." Soichiro stared at the back of his monitor. He didn't need to see the screen; the picture there was burned into his mind. "Now we also know why."

Aizawa sat down hard in the chair opposite Soichiro, who didn't comment on it. The way the younger man collapsed into that chair suggested the action hadn't been entirely voluntary.

"But he's _dead_," he said again, staring at the screen as though expecting someone to jump out of it. "I know the search was officially called off, but plenty of people kept searching unofficially for him. There was never any trace."

Soichiro gave Aizawa another tight smile. "That's because those people were looking in the wrong country. When all this searching was going on, Ryuzaki somehow got himself sent to an orphanage in England."

"_England_?" Aizawa echoed. "You mean the England that's in Europe?"

Soichiro managed to resist the temptation to ask how many Englands Aizawa knew _outside_ of Europe and nodded instead. "Yes."

"But...why hasn't he come forward before? If he's been alive all this time..." Aizawa shook his head. "The whole _country_ was looking for him! It even made international headlines, so why didn't anyone ever make contact?"

"I don't know," Soichiro admitted. "I know Ryuzaki remembers the bombing incident, because he told me about it himself last night, but I don't think he has any idea that he's officially dead. Besides this, I don't even know how much he remembers about his life before Watari. All I know is that the same boy who's apparently been dead for fifteen years is living in my house and sleeping on my couch." _And probably stuffing himself on every piece of fruit and candy he can get his hands on_, Soichiro added to himself.

"But..." Aizawa began again, then shook his head. "His parents...the way they died. Does he know?"

Soichiro was silent for a long time.

"I don't know," he said at last. "He certainly knows they're dead, but he seems to have received a rather colored version of events. He moved to an orphanage in England a few months after the bombing incident, although he's not sure why or even how he ended up there. He told me that he discovered the organization behind the bombing was responsible for killing his parents, maybe out of some kind of twisted revenge. They couldn't find him, so they went after his family instead."

Aizawa frowned a little. "That would make sense, on the face of it."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows.

"But?" he prompted.

"I remember that case, Yagami-_bucho_. It was the first one I was involved in when I joined the NPA. And I remember that nobody who investigated it was completely satisfied. There was something very strange about the way that couple died."

The deputy director stared at him, not quite believing what he was hearing. Aizawa remembering the case was nothing special - the joint suicide of the parents of a Japanese boy who had been the subject of the biggest missing persons hunt in Japanese history was pretty big news - but Aizawa's dates didn't tally with L's.

"I'll tell you something stranger, Aizawa. Ryuzaki told _me_ that he discovered his parents' death a few months after he arrived in that orphanage, and that was fifteen years ago. How long have you been in the NPA?"

"What?" Aizawa looked taken aback, then he said, "About five and a half years, give or take."

The deputy director looked at him and waited for the penny to drop. It did so quickly; Aizawa had always been one of the smarter men under Soichiro's command.

"So...what exactly does that mean, Yagami-_bucho_? Because like I say, I remember the case purely because it was the first I worked on, and you never forget your first, but I've only been in the NPA for five and a half years."

"It means, Aizawa, that either Ryuzaki or the staff at that orphanage possessed one hell of a good crystal ball, or someone gave him false information. Or possibly someone made a very nasty mistake and reported the wrong people dead; his family name is a fairly common one."

"I agree, but that kid—" Aizawa jabbed a hand at the monitor— "is _not_ what you'd call a fairly common person! He was _famous_. No one would mistake his parents for someone else. They probably wouldn't mistake his great-aunt three times removed for someone else. What was he doing in England, anyway? There are plenty of orphanages here in Japan."

Soichiro sighed. "He remembers going there, but he doesn't remember why, so I've no idea. What was the consensus on the parents' deaths in the end?"

"Suicide. They were found in their car on a scenic overlook in Aomori on the day of what would have been their son's eighteenth birthday. There was a tube running from the exhaust pipe into the car. Officially, they died of carbon monoxide poisoning in a suicide pact."

"And unofficially?" Soichiro pressed, who had been in the NPA for far too long to let a comment like that slip past him.

"There were one or two things that didn't quite add up," Aizawa answered. "Both of them were wearing seatbelts. I can understand wearing them on the drive up to avoid being stopped by the police, but even if the wife kept hers on, the husband would have had to unfasten it, rig up the tube, get back in the car and put his belt back on again. Who'd do that? And also, people who are going to kill themselves like that don't do it out in public. You'd never succeed; there would be far too many do-gooders trying to stop you. I mean, you might drive your car off a cliff, since that would be chalked up to a nasty accident, but something like that? Two people committing suicide in that manner, in broad daylight, on a Saturday, and nobody sees them? Nobody happens to notice anything odd?" He shook his head. "I know the car was tucked away at the far end of the car park, but like I said, Yagami-_bucho_, it doesn't quite fit. I mean, that car was only a year old."

Soichiro, who took no interest in cars until they stopped working and even then it was only the bare minimum required to talk to the mechanic, blinked.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, for one thing, it would have—"

A loud knocking on the door cut him off, and about half a second later Matsuda burst in.

"Yagami-_bucho_, did Ryu—" He caught sight of Aizawa and broke off in confusion. "Oh. Um. Sorry. I was going to ask you about, um, about the _thing_. The thing that we, uh, spoke about three days ago. When you were, um, following that lead. Yeah. The lead. Uh. I'll come back later, Yagami_-bucho, _when you're not busy. I have a couple of things I'd really like to send him. It! I mean it! The, uh, the thing that—"

"Matsuda," Soichiro interrupted wearily, "don't hurt yourself. Aizawa knows."

Matsuda blinked, staring at him. "Aizawa knows?"

"_Matsuda_ knows?" Aizawa said disbelievingly. "You told the idiot?"

"Hey!"

"Yes, Matsuda knows," Soichiro answered. "He knew I was going to Aomori to look for Ryuzaki."

"But...Yagami-_bucho_, I'm not questioning your decision, but you told _Matsuda_? You know he's an idiot who can't keep his mouth shut for longer than five seconds!"

Matsuda grabbed Aizawa and spun him around, gripping his shirt.

"Okay. _First_ of all, the idiot is standing right next to you, in case you'd forgotten! Second, I've known about Ryuzaki being alive ever since Yagami-_bucho_ went to Aomori and that was three days ago! Don't you think you'd know by now if I'd told anyone?"

"_Matsuda_!" Soichiro said sharply.

Matsuda released Aizawa and stepped away, muttering under his breath and wiping his hands on his clothes. Next to him, Aizawa straightened his shirt and returned his attention to Soichiro, who couldn't summon up the energy to berate anyone. Matsuda and Aizawa were constantly bickering with each other, and the deputy director had never been able to work out whether this pointed to a genuine dislike between them, or an odd sort of friendship.

There was a short silence, then Aizawa – who Soichiro was beginning to think had developed something of a death wish – said, "Still, it's good news for us. Now that we know Ryuzaki is alive, we can just bring him in on this case and get him to—"

That was as far as he got before Matsuda spun and let rip with a flood of invectives that Soichiro had trouble following. Part of this was because the words were flying out at hypersonic speed. Most of it was because Matsuda tended to relapse into his native Shimane dialect whenever he was seriously pissed off, and that one wasn't always easy to understand at the best of times.

It took two and a half minutes before Matsuda ran out of things to call Aizawa, and Soichiro breathed a mental sigh of relief. He'd learned the hard way that there was no getting through to the kid during one of those – admittedly rare – explosions, and all you could do was ride it out.

Aizawa looked a little stunned. Squabbles notwithstanding, Matsuda _never_ let rip with this kind of verbal attack on a colleague; he usually kept it for suspects.

"All I said was—" he began.

"I don't care _what_ you said, Aizawa! _I_ said that he's retired!"

Soichiro was certain that wasn't what Matsuda had said (or at the very least, not _all_ that he'd said) but he wasn't much inclined to ask for a repetition just then.

"_Enough_." He growled it and had the satisfaction of seeing both young men freeze motionless. "Now. Ryuzaki told me he wants to retire, try to live a normal life. After his help on the Kira case, I intend to respect his wishes and for that reason, Aizawa, I'm telling you that this conversation can never leave these four walls. As far as everyone else is concerned, Ryuzaki is still dead."

"Well, you _could_ have mentioned that to me _before _the country bombkin went off!" Aizawa muttered, not quite under his breath.

"Who are you calling a—" Matsuda began hotly.

"_Matsuda_!"

Matsuda subsided. "Oh, _fine_. Don't worry, I'll say it for you: Matsuda, you idiot."

"Alright." Soichiro looked at Aizawa – it was probably best to give Matsuda a few minutes to calm down – and said, "So what exactly is going on? Because all I got was a message from the director requesting my immediate return to the NPA."

Aizawa reached down and picked up the file he'd brought in earlier.

"There's been a murder, Yagami-_bucho,_" he answered in a quiet voice that Soichiro didn't like one bit. "A nasty one."

"Oh, as opposed to the tender loving murders with complimentary fruit baskets that we usually get called in to deal with, you mean?" retorted Matsuda, who was still seething over the _country bombkin_ comment.

"Matsuda, _shut up_," Soichiro ordered. "You're giving me a headache." This wasn't strictly true – Soichiro thought the dull pounding at his temples was down to his own lack of sleep rather than Matsuda's explosions – but it had the desired effect; Matsuda shut his mouth and looked sheepish. "Aizawa?"

Aizawa handed Soichiro the file.

"Chikako Tanaka. Fifteen years old. We got the call early this morning from her parents. She was having a friend stay overnight. That friend was the one who found her lying dead on the kitchen table and woke the parents. And probably most of the street," Aizawa couldn't help adding.

Soichiro felt sick. God, he hated these ones.

"How did Tanaka-_san_ die?" he asked.

"That's something of a mystery, Yagami-_buch—_"

"It's not any kind of a mystery!" Matsuda interrupted. "The killer sliced her from throat to groin and pulled out her heart!"

"We don't know for certain that's how she died," Aizawa muttered in an aside.

"Well, _you_ try surviving something like that!"

"Am I going to have to throw you out of my office, Matsuda?" Soichiro threatened.

Matsuda subsided again, although the deputy director was certain that this wouldn't last long.

"There were no other marks on her," Aizawa went on. "The pathologist thinks she may have been drugged."

"Has anyone taken a statement from the parents?"

"No point," Matsuda said before Aizawa could open his mouth. "At least, not yet. The mother went into complete shock when she saw her daughter had been eviscerated on the kitchen table. Well, you would, wouldn't you? The father's not much better, though he was the one who called us. He's looking after his wife. I don't think we'll get much sense out of either of them until the shock's worn off."

"Tatenaka-_san_ wants us to question the friend, though." Aizawa's expression left Soichiro in no doubt as to what the younger man thought of _that_ idea. "He had her brought straight in to wait for your arrival, Yagami-_bucho_."

"Oh—" Soichiro swallowed the words he'd been about to say. "Are you _serious_?"

"Yes."

_Yes, of course you are_. Soichiro massaged his temples. Aizawa did have a sense of humor, but he viewed it in the same way as he viewed embarrassing photographs: only ever to be displayed to family and _very_ close friends, and never in the workplace...unless you counted his baiting Matsuda.

"We brought a fifteen year old girl in here _alone_? Do I really have to tell you how many problems we're leaving ourselves open to with that? At least tell me someone's called her parents!"

The pair exchanged a look that said quite plainly _YOU tell him_, then a reluctant Aizawa said, "We were told you'd be handling that and we weren't to interfere."

"Yeah," Matsuda muttered. "Tatenaka gets all the drama and the glory and _we_ get lumbered with the legwork. At least Kitamura-_san _knew what he was talking about. Who promoted Tatenaka anyway?"

"Be careful what you say, Matsuda." Soichiro's voice was a lot harsher than he really felt; Matsuda had summed up his own feelings a little too well.

"It's not just me saying it, Yagami-_bucho_; people all through the department have been complaining."

"He's right," Aizawa agreed. "Anyway, Tatenaka wanted to question her immediately, but Matsuda stepped in."

Soichiro squeezed his eyes shut. "_Matsuda_..."

"Well, the guy's an idiot! Etsuko-_san_ was quite clearly in deep shock and Tatenaka was going off on her like he thought she'd done it or something."

"We have to consider that possibility, Matsuda," Soichiro pointed out.

"Oh, come _on_! I saw her when she came in and she's got a broken arm! It's a bit difficult to perform open-heart surgery with one hand _and_ without anybody noticing, especially if your victim doesn't want you to. Tatenaka doesn't seem able to realize that!"

"That _doesn't_ mean you can threaten to staple his nostrils shut," Aizawa muttered in an undertone.

Soichiro snapped his eyes open again. "He _what_?"

Matsuda looked embarrassed. "I may have made a...an emotional comment to Tatenaka and sort of delicately hinted that it wasn't a good idea to question Etsuko-_san_ right at that moment."

"_How_ did you 'delicately hint' it, Matsuda?"

"Uh...well...I told him that any idiot could see the poor girl was in shock and maybe it would be best if Tatenaka, well, went away, and if he didn't...well, yes, I may have made some kind of emotional threat involving my stapler and his nose."

"Aizawa?" Soichiro turned his attention to the other man. "Is this true?"

"Well, he didn't use the phrase _go away_, Yagami-_bucho_, but the meaning was definitely the same. Otherwise, yes." Aizawa hesitated, then said, "To be fair, I think most of the department agreed with him. Well, bringing in a fifteen year old girl...it's like you said. Nobody wants to be the one getting brought up for wrongful arrest. The press would have a field day. What do you want to do, Yagami-_bucho_?"

The answer to _that_ was easy, Soichiro thought: go home, go back to bed and start this day all over again.

"Who was it who brought in Etsuko-_san_ for questioning?"

"Ueda," Matsuda answered. "He was also the one who took her back home."

Soichiro nodded. Well, that was one less headache; Ueda was a good man who'd been in the NPA for ten years; he'd be able to handle the situation just fine.

"Did Tatenaka agree to this?"

Aizawa went red. "No, he didn't."

"He didn't exactly forbid it, though," Matsuda added. "I mean, he never said, _Ueda-kun, you are not allowed to take this particular fifteen year old girl back to her parents_."

That was probably going to be Ueda's defense as well, Soichiro thought, and there was a very good possibility that Tatenaka was stupid enough for him to get away with it.

"Alright, so she's back. Let's give her today to calm down a little, then I want her brought in tomorrow with her parents for questioning."

Matsuda looked stunned. "You can't think she had anything to do with it!"

"I don't think she did it, no, but she may have seen something."

"But do you really think—"

"What I _think_, Matsuda, is that if we leave it and it turns out that this girl _was_ responsible in some way, or saw something that could help us find whoever's behind this, then I am going to have a very hard time explaining why we _didn't_ bring her in. Call her family and tell them to come in tomorrow morning at ten. Do you think you can manage that without exploding _again_, or am I asking too much of you?"

"No, Yagami-_bucho_," Matsuda answered meekly, then frowned. "I mean _yes_. I mean...I mean I'll go and do it now."

He turned and walked out, leaving Soichiro to ponder the correct answer to that question for himself.

"Aizawa?"

"Yes?"

"Get in touch with the other branches throughout Japan. Find out if any similar murders have taken place recently."

Aizawa bowed and walked from the room, closing the door behind him and leaving Soichiro alone to study the file.

The facts were more or less as Aizawa had presented them. Yesterday, on the third of June, Chikako Tanaka had been murdered in her family's apartment in the Arakawa district. No obvious cause of death – well, unless you counted having her heart pulled out – but for it to have been done so neatly _and _in the same house as her parents without anyone noticing, she would have to have been knocked out, yet there was no sign of any head injury.

An injection was the most likely, since you could slide the needle into the neck and the mark would be hidden under her hair, at least for a little while, but _that_ meant there would have been at least two of them involved. Soichiro didn't think that a fifteen year old girl could fight off a seriously determined attacker, but she could have screamed or made some noise. Yet the first indication her parents had had was when they came in and saw their eviscerated daughter lying on the table.

Soichiro sighed. He'd have to talk to the parents at some stage, and that wasn't a part of his job he ever looked forward to. At least he'd been spared having to break the news to them of their daughter's death.

Lunch came and went without his really being aware of it. At the back of his mind, Soichiro wasn't sure if he'd bothered to eat anything or if he had, exactly _what_ he'd eaten.

At the moment, this case was too confusing to make much sense out of, and part of him was starting to regret not calling the friend back to give a statement; at least if he'd done that, they'd have _something_ to work with.

_Except that's going to be very difficult considering the NPA has already whisked her in once without her parents' knowledge or consent. Damn Tatenaka! What the hell was he thinking?_

He sighed. No, he couldn't go knocking on that family's door so soon; better give them a day to calm down first. Besides, the poor kid was likely to be so shocked and/or hysterical that Soichiro wasn't sure how much sense he'd get out of her anyway, and the victim's parents were also in too great a state of shock to be of much help.

Quite how he got through the rest of the day, Soichiro never knew. It wasn't helped by the fact that a couple of people apparently decided to stay late, and while he usually applauded a strong work ethic, it meant that as the head of this department, he didn't feel justified in calling it a day before they did.

By the time he finally got back home, it was twenty to midnight and the house was in complete darkness, with the exception of a flickering pale light from the lounge. When Soichiro entered the house, he found L curled up on the couch, sipping water and watching TV with subtitles and the sound off.

"Can't sleep?" Soichiro asked quietly.

The young man shook his head but didn't look around. Was it his imagination, or was L curled in a tighter ball than usual?

Remembering the amount of towels L had added to his blanket, Soichiro asked, "Are you cold?"

L shook his head again and took a small swallow of water, lifting the glass with a hand that quivered.

"Something bothering you?"

No reaction, which Soichiro thought was as good as a _yes_.

"You want to talk about it?"

Another, much more vehement shake of the head.

"Alright. Well, if you change your mind, you know where I am. Goodnight."

No answer. Soichiro didn't push L to talk. The kid probably felt like he'd been sucked into a whirlwind these past few days, and if he needed a little peace and quiet to get his head together, he could have it.

He'd got as far as the first step upstairs when L said very quietly, "Yagami-_san_?"

The older man turned. "Yes?"

L didn't look at Soichiro. Instead he kept his gaze firmly on the arm of the couch, tracing patterns on it again.

"Have you always worked for the NPA?"

The question surprised Soichiro. He hoped L hadn't stopped him going to bed just to get his life story.

"Yes, I have," he answered. "Why?"

"Do you...have you ever made mistakes?"

Oh boy, this sounded like it was going to be a long one. Soichiro headed over to L and sat down in the armchair opposite him.

"Of course. Everyone makes mistakes, Ryuzaki."

"So...how do you cope? When you fail, or when you didn't catch a murderer in time to stop him killing again, how do you handle it? How do you handle telling a family that their mom or dad or child is dead because you weren't competent enough, or because you made a mistake? How do you cope with their reactions?"

Soichiro blinked. L was sitting in his usual hunched position, every muscle tense. Clearly it was desperation, not trust, which had driven him to ask the older man's advice.

_You were too young_, Soichiro thought. _Too young to have the whole Kira case riding on your shoulders, or any of those other cases, come to that._ The stress of that case had driven all of the task force to breaking point, but at least they were all seasoned police officers (or in Matsuda's case, too enthusiastic and stubborn to quit). God only knew what effect that same level of stress had had on a kid like L, who not only had to find answers for Watari, but had to deal with six other people demanding them too.

_I'm sorry, Ryuzaki. I'm sorry you ever had to get involved. I'm sorry no one bothered to ask you whether you wanted to _be_ involved. And I'm sorry no one – myself included – ever saw you as a person instead of some kind of computer._

"Yagami-_san_." L's voice was hoarse. "Please."

"Well...my family help me sometimes."

L lifted his head enough to look at Soichiro. "You mean you discuss your cases with them? Is that allowed?"

"No, I mean that I talk about normal, everyday things with my family. It takes my mind off it, helps me forget."

L gave him an odd, twisted smile. "No family, remember? And...I don't forget things easily. I always had nineteen or twenty cases on the go at any one time. When one ended, there was always another lined up to replace it. I used to throw myself into it to try and forget the last ones."

"You blocked out the pain with more pain." To Soichiro, this sounded like shooting yourself in the hand to take your mind off a splinter in your thumb.

L shrugged. "It worked, to start with. And I did feel good when I put someone away."

"How long did that feeling last?"

"As long as it took Watari to assign me a new case, so...about ten minutes. But I have an excellent memory. I remember all my cases, every single detail, all the time. I can't help it. I remember them when I'm awake and I remember the worst parts of them when I go to sleep. Don't _you_ ever get nightmares?"

Soichiro regarded him for a few minutes. "Is that why you try not to sleep? Because of the nightmares?"

"Partly. But mostly it's because...Yagami-_san_, I've never _not_ had a case to solve. And all the time the murderer I was chasing was out there...if I spent seven or eight hours doing nothing but sleeping, he could kill half a dozen more victims in that time. What could I have said to their families? Oh, sorry, your little girl's dead. Yeah, I know I'm the world's greatest detective. What's that? Well, yes, I _could_ have caught the murderer in time to save your child, but I decided to take a nap instead."

Soichiro stared at him, his own desire for sleep disappearing.

"No." He got to his feet and came to sit next to L on the sofa, putting his arm around the young man's shoulders and pulling him into his side. "Ryuzaki, _no_. That's not how it works."

"How would _you_ know?" L muttered, although he didn't attempt to wriggle out of the hug.

"I know because I've been a detective with the NPA for longer than you've been alive. Do you think it was your fault that Kira killed all those people, because you weren't able to prove who he was in time to stop him?" Soichiro paused, then forced himself to ask the question he'd kept locked inside himself ever since the end of that case. "Or do you think it was my fault they died, because I was too stubborn to listen to you?"

L shook his head. "No. I would have thought that if you hadn't arrested Light-_kun_ in the end, but no. You just wanted to make sure you didn't arrest an innocent man. You wanted absolute proof that your son was Kira before you acted."

Soichiro looked away, mouth dry, an uncomfortable tight feeling in his chest.

"Don't make excuses for me, Ryuzaki. I would have moved far sooner if the person hadn't been Light. I took the coward's way out, hiding behind the fact that there wasn't enough evidence."

"Fear is not the same thing as cowardice, Yagami-_san._" Pause. "It wasn't easy for me to make accusations like that to you either, if that's any consolation."

It wasn't really, but a small part of Soichiro appreciated the attempt.

"What are you watching?" he asked, in an effort to steer the conversation out of these dangerous waters.

L glanced at the TV as if seeing it for the first time. "I don't know. Some late night film or other. That's the only problem with watching a film on subtitles; if you miss too much there's no way to know what's gone on."

Soichiro studied the TV, frowning slightly. "Hold on, that TV isn't set up for closed captioning."

"It is now. Please don't turn it off, Yagami-_san_. Tomorrow's going to be a bad day for me. I'll be alright the day after, but I'd rather not sleep tonight if I can avoid it."

Soichiro hesitated, then lowered the remote. "What do you mean, tomorrow's going to be a bad day?"

"It's alright, Yagami-_san_. I promise your family and your house are both completely safe from me. If Sachiko_-san_ speaks to me tomorrow and I don't answer, I'm not being rude; I just won't know she's there. But I never get violent on bad days; only quiet. That is what you're concerned about, isn't it?"

"To be honest, Ryuzaki, I'm more concerned about you. How often do you get these bad days?"

"Five times a year." L didn't look around as he spoke, his attention seemingly riveted by the TV screen.

_Which would make them anniversaries of something_, Soichiro thought. That would explain how L could predict his bad days – and recovery from them – so accurately.

"Can I do anything for you? Is there anything you need to make it easier?"

L glanced up at him, a surprised look on his face.

"No. Thank you."

"Alright. Well, if you do get cold, help yourself to some more blankets."

"Where do you keep them?"

Soichiro looked puzzled. "Didn't I show you?"

"No. I don't know where you keep anything besides plates and glasses. Why do you think I took the towels out of the bathroom last night? I'm sorry about that, by the way. Usually it's not too bad, but I was freezing last night."

"That's what happens when you wear wet clothes, Ryuzaki."

"Mm. Of course, it's _also_ what happens when you're naked and approximately fifteen kilos underweight." L paused, then added in a much quieter tone. "I...would appreciate some more blankets, to tell you the truth. I would have fetched them myself but like I say, I don't know where they are."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows.

"You could have looked," he pointed out.

L mimicked the older man's expression perfectly. "You expect me to go around your house and snoop in all your cupboards, Yagami-_san_? What kind of a person do you take me for?"

Soichiro rose to his feet. "Alright. Come with me."

L looked surprised, but followed him upstairs obligingly. Soichiro led him to the airing cupboard and opened it, gesturing to the blankets inside.

"Here. Take as many as you want."

The young man glanced at him.

"Really?" he said.

"Really. Just don't make a mess."

The look became a little more reproachful. "I never make messes, Yagami-_san_."

Soichiro had to admit this was true – L's makeshift bed was always tidied away very neatly every morning until he needed it again – but all he said was, "Good. Don't start."

"How was your day, anyway?" L inquired, as he started pulling out blankets. "I never asked."

"Hell," Soichiro answered, too tired to lie.

"Ah." There was a silence, then L said in a careful tone, "Is there...anything I can do?"

_Anything you can do? Well, you can come out of retirement long enough to solve this one case before anyone else dies._

No. No, he couldn't say that. Not only had he promised L not to force him into any more cases, but one case would lead to one _more, _and then one more after that. Granted Soichiro wouldn't bombard him with several cases at once, but that wasn't the point...and that led to another thought: was L testing him? If Soichiro asked for his help, would L take that as the older man breaking his promise?

_Except he said he was prepared to solve a case in exchange for your taking him in, so maybe—_

"No!" Soichiro said, before temptation could grab hold of him completely.

"Alright." Was that a shadow of relief in those black eyes? "You don't have to bite my head off. I was only offering. I did say I'd help you on a case."

_Yes, and before you said that, I promised never to get you involved again. Damn you, Ryuzaki, do you have to make this so hard for me?_

Well, technically he hadn't promised never to ask for L's help, only never to force the young man into giving it to him, but that was a coward's answer.

"And _I_ promised you that there were no strings attached to your being here. You're not offering to get involved because you want to; you're offering because you think you owe me one."

L shrugged, piling more blankets up into his arms. "I told you, I pay my debts. What's wrong with that?"

"For one thing, the little fact that there _is_ no debt, Ryuzaki. You saved my life. I'm the one who owes you."

L studied him for a few minutes in silence, then said, "And?"

"And I think if I accept your help once, it'll be harder for me not to ask for it again. I don't want to put you in that position."

A small smile appeared on L's face. "You mean you don't want to put _yourself_ in that position, Yagami-_san_."

"Maybe," Soichiro admitted. "Either way, thank you for the offer, but I can't accept it." He turned to go to his room, hesitated, then turned back. "Ryuzaki?"

L, who had already started down the stairs, looked up at him. "Yes, Yagami-_san_?"

"Do you...remember any of your life before you met Watari? Asides from the bombing incident you helped to prevent? About your family, or where you lived?"

The young man blinked, then thought for a few minutes.

"No. I don't really remember anything before Wammy's House other than that incident. Why? Is it important?"

_But you were eight years old_, Soichiro thought. _You must remember something_.

"No, not really," he said aloud. "I was just curious. Goodnight."

* * *

**Sorry this one took a little longer; I was busy with the three day novel contest, and then I had to do a whole lot of research for this and future chapters :) Anyway, hope you enjoyed it and for those who have the time, reviews are much appreciated XD**


	7. One Step Closer

**SWACsCDC:** Ooh, that is spooky ;) And thanks, I'm glad you liked it :D

**Anonymous:** *blushes* Thanks and a belated happy birthday! Yeah, something big is going to happen (or has already started happening XD)

**Soysauce: **Heh, thanks ;)

* * *

**JUNE 5**

For the first time in months, Soichiro slept right through the night, only waking when the alarm went off, and even then just long enough to slap it into silence.

"Dear?" Sachiko shook his shoulder gently. "Hadn't you better be getting up?"

Soichiro growled something that would have sent anyone in the NPA scurrying out the room, but had absolutely no effect on his wife. Sachiko had been married to him long enough to know that her husband was most emphatically _not_ a morning person.

"I'll go and fix breakfast. Do you know if Ryuzaki eats eggs?"

"Well, he eats everything else," Soichiro muttered, which was true. L would eat whatever was given to him without complaint, although whether or not he _liked_ what he was eating was a lot harder to discern.

_It must be strange for him, moving to savory food after nothing but sweets for so many years._

Something kicked Soichiro's brain awake enough for him to add, "I don't think he's too keen on _miso_ soup, though." The something kicked a little harder and Soichiro pushed himself up on his elbows. "Actually, now that I think about it, there's something you should know."

"What's that?"

Very good question. Soichiro racked his sleepy brains for a few minutes, then it came back to him.

"Ryuzaki said that today was going to be, and I quote, a bad day. At least for him."

Sachiko frowned. "What do you mean, a bad day?"

"I mean something happened to him on this date ten years ago. I don't know any details, but see if you can find a way to distract him from brooding on it. From what he's told me, he tends to brood so much that he ends up completely oblivious to the world around him." Inspiration struck and Soichiro added, "He loves reading. If you're passing the library, can you get some books for him? He likes Stephen King, or any other horror writer would do."

Sachiko looked surprised, but nodded. "Alright. I'm going shopping today anyway; we need some more fruit."

Soichiro winced. L really was making a serious dent in the Yagami household's fruit supply.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Do you want me to tell him to ease off?"

"No, don't be silly. It's nice having someone with a healthy appetite around the house." Sachiko emphasized the word _someone_, looking pointedly at her husband.

Soichiro reddened and avoided her gaze as he started getting dressed. His appetite seemed to have deserted him since Light's death, and there were days when he had to force himself to eat. Trust Sachiko to notice that. At least he was hungry this morning, which he supposed was a good sign.

L was already awake and a quarter of the way through one of Sachiko's detective novels when Soichiro came downstairs. The older man was amused to note that L held books in the same way he held everything else; by the very tips of his fingers, as though he were handling a delicate artifact.

"How are things?" he asked, sitting down on the armchair.

L didn't look up. "The detective threw a marrow at the doctor, someone in the household is hooked on cocaine, the young, eligible, rich man is neither eligible nor particularly rich, the girl is a liar, and the time of death was wrong which means that the doctor's the murderer." He shifted his weight. Apparently he'd taken Soichiro at his word when the older man had told him to take as many blankets as he needed. In spite of the Tokyo weather, L was bundled up in six of them and had added three pillows underneath and around him for extra comfort.

"Why are you still reading then, if you know who did it?"

"Because there's the tiniest of tiny chances, roughly analogous to that of a very sick snowflake in a blast furnace, that one of my deductions may be marginally incorrect. People in books don't behave like people in real life, and the author may have come up with a twist at the end." L snuggled deeper into his little cocoon, until only his eyes and the top of his head were showing.

"You could have told me you were cold before," Soichiro said, and then couldn't resist adding, "Though quite _how_ you can be cold at this time of year, I'm not sure."

"Whining accomplishes nothing, Yagami-_san_."

"That isn't whining, Ryuzaki, it's a fair request. And put the book down when I'm speaking to you!"

L obeyed, keeping a finger in between the pages to mark his place. "I'm used to being cold. Like I said, it's a side effect of being underweight. Besides, it's a lot nicer here than it was in Aomori, and the extra blankets help." He glanced at Soichiro's suit, frowning slightly. "You're a little more dressed up than usual. Is there something going on?"

"Nothing for you to worry about. I just have to interview someone related to this latest case." As the deputy director of the NPA, Soichiro seldom conducted interviews himself, but this was different. He had a nasty feeling he'd have to apologize to the parents of that girl for bringing her into the NPA without their consent, so he may as well do it face to face as via a letter.

L blinked. "You have a suspect already? That's fast work for the NPA."

"She isn't a suspect, although Tatenaka thinks otherwise. I had him on the phone yesterday demanding why we hadn't questioned her yet, considering Ueda had brought her in when the body was discovered." Soichiro shook his head. "I told him that the girl had been sent home as soon after arriving as possible, on my orders."

L craned his head to peer up at the older man. "You told him that you ordered the girl sent home two hours before you knew she'd been brought in?"

"Yes."

The young man returned to his book. "It's lucky for you that your boss has the brains of a chicken, then, isn't it?"

"_Ryuzaki_! You shouldn't say such things."

L considered this. "Yes, you're right. If word gets out, I'll probably be sued for defamation of character." He paused just long enough for Soichiro to see it coming, then said in the same serious tone, "And I really don't think I could afford to pay out financial settlements to every single chicken in Japan."

"Ryuzaki..."

"Though it may take them a while to find an interpreter, so I should be able to raise some cash in the interim."

Soichiro stared at L, then heard himself chuckle.

"Oh good, you're awake." Sayu's voice drew the pair's attention over to the stairs, where she was, in Soichiro's opinion, looking far too cheerful and perky than anybody awake at this time had a right to be. "I'll go and get the stuff!"

She hurried into the kitchen and Soichiro glanced at L.

"_Stuff_?" he echoed.

"Your daughter seems to have taken it into her head to become my nurse," L murmured very quietly, a gleam of humor in his eyes as Sayu came back with a packet of painkillers. "Your couch is a very nice couch, and the pillows you were kind enough to let me have yesterday help, but sleeping on it still makes me feel as though someone's taken a chisel to my spine. Thank you," he added to Sayu as he took two of the pills and dry-swallowed them, grimacing a little at the bitter taste.

Sayu dropped the packet absently on the couch and stood in front of L with an expression Soichiro had only seen his daughter employ on a very few occasions, all of which had to do with her asking for something that she wasn't likely to get.

"Was there something else?" L said politely.

Sayu opened her mouth, closed it again, then blurted, "Ryuzaki-_san_, do you want to come to my tennis match tomorrow?"

It came out in such a rush that L was obliged to ask Sayu to repeat herself three times before he understood.

"Tennis?" he echoed. Soichiro was surprised to see genuine interest in the young man's face.

"Yes. I'm on the university team and we're playing some matches tomorrow. Do you want to come and watch?"

To Soichiro's further astonishment, L said, "Yes, I'd like that, if Yagami-_san_ doesn't object."

Sayu turned the pleading look on her father. "Dad?"

"It's fine by me," Soichiro answered. A little fresh air wouldn't hurt L, and if he was planning to use the cover of Sayu's tennis match to bolt...well, he was a lot healthier than he'd been when Soichiro had first found him. He still had the occasional coughing fit, but now they were triggered by sudden exertion as opposed to merely breathing.

His daughter beamed. "Great! Ryuzaki-_san_, are you hungry? I was just about to make myself some breakfast."

L shook his head. "No. Thank you, but—" something flickered in his eyes— "I don't seem to have much of an appetite today."

"Neither do I," Soichiro said a little too quickly, before Sayu could extend the offer to include him.

His daughter glared at him. "My cooking isn't _that_ bad! At least _I've_ never had the fire department come out!"

L's eyebrows shot up and he stared at Soichiro.

"_Fire department_?" he echoed.

"It's a long story, and that's not how it goes," Soichiro told him in a rather curt tone as Sayu flounced back into the kitchen.

"Ah. Then you'll have to explain to me exactly how it does go at some point, Yagami-_san_. I'd be very interested in hearing about it."

_Yes, I bet you would_, Soichiro thought, somewhat sourly. There was a gleam in L's eyes that he didn't much like.

"Speaking of hearing about things, how's that murder investigation coming along?"

Soichiro glanced at him sharply. "How did you know it was a murder?"

"I didn't," L answered, "but I do now. What happened?"

"Never mind that. How are you...coping?" Soichiro couldn't think of a better way to put it.

There was a short pause.

"So far so good." L didn't look at him.

"Do you think you'll be alright?"

"Am I going to fly into an insane rage and pulverize Sachiko-_san_, you mean? No. You really don't have to worry so much about your family. I meant what I said; I never get violent on the bad days and I've no intention of starting today."

"I'm worried about _you_, you idiot!"

The young man's careful expression vanished for a few seconds, to be replaced by one of pure shock. Soichiro supposed that _idiot_ wasn't a word that L got directed at him very often.

"I'm...an idiot?" he said at last.

"Sometimes, yes!" Soichiro got to his feet. "Is there anything you want before I go to work?"

"You could plug my brain back in. I think your choice of words short-circuited it."

"I'll take that as a _no._" The older man turned and started toward the front door.

"Yagami-_san_?"

_Why does he always wait until I'm on my way out before he calls me_? Soichiro wondered with a touch of irritation.

"Yes?"

"You...told Sachiko-_san_, right? That today is, well..."

"A bad day," Soichiro filled in. "Yes, I told her. Don't worry about it, Ryuzaki. I'll see you later."

* * *

Fifteen minutes after arriving at work, Soichiro wondered why he'd bothered coming in early. There was no new information, and all he could do was to wait for ten o'clock and the interview with Etsuko Inoue. He'd had an interview room set up, briefed Aizawa and Matsuda (especially Matsuda) on the importance of remaining professional, and then gone and sat in his office to research anything that might be of help while he waited. Aizawa had followed instructions and contacted all other branches of the police, but so far drawn a complete blank. This was something completely new, and since the _last_ new thing to surface in Japan had been Kira, Soichiro was beginning to feel a nasty sense of foreboding.

_This isn't over_. Not just because they hadn't caught whoever was behind this, but because in Soichiro's experience, people who killed someone in such a way never stopped at one victim. Most of the world's most gruesome murders had been committed by serial killers.

At a quarter to ten, he left his office and went through into the interview room. Along with Aizawa and Matsuda, Soichiro had also decided to include Ueda in the interview, not just because he was a solid detective but because he was the one who had brought Etsuko in and taken her back yesterday. Being questioned by police, even if it was just as a witness, was an intimidating experience, and at least Ueda would be a semi-familiar face for her.

A knock on the door announced Sanami's arrival with Etsuko and her father. Ever the professional, Sanami showed them in and then bowed herself out of the room politely, closing the door behind them.

Looking at Etsuko, Soichiro felt sorry for her. He doubted the poor girl had got any sleep after what had happened to her friend and there was a nervous, jittery look about her, which was probably one third lack of sleep and two thirds down to her initial meeting with Tatenaka the day before. The man was a devotee of the school of thought that advocated randomly shouting at people in the hopes of surprising a confession out of them. Granted Soichiro had used that tactic himself in the past, but only when he was a hundred percent sure that the person he was barking at was guilty.

"Etsuko-_san_, Inoue-_san,_ thank you for coming," Soichiro said as kindly as he could. "My name is Yagami. These are my associates Aizawa and Matsuda, and you already know Ueda-_san_." Soichiro had had serious doubts about bringing Matsuda in on this interview, but he was also one of the detectives that Etsuko had met before, or at least seen before, and he had the added bonus of being someone who it was practically impossible to be afraid of.

"Am I under arrest, Yagami-_san_?" Etsuko asked in a low voice.

"No. If we'd wanted to detain you, we would never have taken you home last night. You're not suspected of anything, and you're in no trouble at all. We just want to ask you a few questions."

"Is Tatenaka going to be present?" Inoue demanded.

"No," Soichiro said again. "Unfortunately, Tatenaka-_san_ is unable to attend, so I will be conducting this interview myself." _And very probably every other interview to come_, he added to himself, rather bitterly. "I apologize for what happened, Inoue-_san_. You have my word that it will not happen again." _At least, not to your daughter_. Soichiro had a sinking feeling that Tatenaka wouldn't balk at doing the same thing to anyone else, regardless of age, if he thought they could shed light on the case.

Any hopes Soichiro had of Etsuko being able to do the same thing went out the window very quickly. The girl was polite, and answered all questions put to her without hesitation, but there was nothing she could add. She'd gone to spend the night with Chikako and something had woken her suddenly at about ten past two. Yes, she'd noticed her friend wasn't there, but had assumed that Chikako was just in the bathroom, and had gone into the kitchen to get a glass of water, where she'd found the body.

"Did you look at it?" Matsuda asked suddenly.

Etsuko paled. "W-what?"

"Did you look at the body?" Matsuda repeated. "Really look at it?"

"I...yes, I...I didn't want to, but I...I did a first aid course and I thought maybe if there was a chance she may still have been alive—"

"Did you have a look at the incision? Did you take a really good look inside and if you did, were you able to see any other vital organs?" Matsuda flinched in a way that suggested either Aizawa or Ueda (or possibly both) had just kicked him hard on the ankle, but pressed on. "You know the heart was removed, which is information that hasn't been released to the public yet, so you must have had a fairly close look."

"_Matsuda_..." Aizawa grated.

"Would you say the incision was in a very straight line, such as might have been made by a single cut, or was it a bit crooked?"

Inoue rose to his feet. "Now wait just a damn minute—!"

"Matsuda, get out!" Soichiro ordered.

Matsuda glanced at him. "Yagami-_bucho_, I was just—"

"_Out_!"

Matsuda took a deep breath, then got to his feet, bowed stiffly and stalked out.

"I apologize," Soichiro said, striving for a placatory tone. "I'm afraid his enthusiasm gets the better of him." He glanced over to where Aizawa had been busy writing down Etsuko's words and did a quick scan. "I think we have everything we need. Is there anything further you would like to add?"

Etsuko shifted her weight, staring at her hands. At last she said, "May I ask a question, Yagami-_san_?"

"Yes, of course."

"Am I...do you think whoever did this will come after me?"

"No, I don't." Out the corner of his eye, Soichiro saw Aizawa shaking his head as well. "The only time they'd come for you is if they thought you'd seen them, and if they were going to kill you because of that, then they would have done so there and then. They wouldn't have left you to come to the police, so there's really no need to worry."

"Are you going to want to interview her again?" Inoue wanted to know.

"It's not very likely." Soichiro had learned the hard way about giving a definite yes or no to that particular question, and that was as far as he was prepared to commit himself. "I think we've covered everything. Thank you for your help. If we need anything else, we'll be in touch."

_What a waste of time_, he thought savagely, as Ueda led Inoue and his daughter out. Still, better safe than sorry, he supposed, and at least now Tatenaka had no grounds to accuse either him or his department of dereliction of duty.

Aizawa, gathering papers, put it rather more succinctly: "Well, our asses are covered, at least."

"Aizawa!"

The younger man jumped and looked stricken. "Ah...did I say that out loud? I apologize, Yagami_-bucho_."

Soichiro couldn't summon up the energy needed to really berate him, and so he settled for saying, "Just get the statement filed."

The rest of the day went about as well as the day before. The only difference was that Matsuda appeared to have made up his mind to avoid Soichiro, which could be considered either a blessing or a curse depending on your point of view. There was no new information, and the forensic department hadn't turned up anything to go on either. To make matters worse, somehow the media had got wind of what had happened and Soichiro spent most of the afternoon drafting and redrafting a press release despite having no idea what he was supposed to say. He didn't hold with lying, but letting them print a headline like _NPA Completely Flummoxed Over Heartless Murder! _was not an option, no matter how many papers it would sell.

At least one good thing came out of this, if he looked at it in a completely selfish way; the rest of the department seemed as demotivated as he was. At any rate, the last person left at six fifteen that evening, which meant Soichiro himself got back home just before seven.

A warm, enticing scent drifted out as soon as he opened the door. Whatever Sachiko was cooking, it smelled good. Soichiro swapped his shoes for slippers and headed over to the kitchen, loosening his tie.

"Welcome home," Sachiko told him. "You're just in time for dinner."

"What are you making?"

"Rice balls, stuffed with salmon. Ryuzaki likes them. I think he's beginning to put on weight, you know." Sachiko sighed. "I just wish I could get him to stand up properly."

"He has a bad back," Soichiro told her.

"Who wouldn't after walking around hunched over like a vulture all the time?" was Sachiko's rather tart rejoinder. "_Can_ he stand up straight?"

"Yes, I've seen him do it. I've _also_ seen how painful it is for him." Soichiro leaned against the counter. "How was he today?"

"A little preoccupied with something. I had to call his name four times to get his attention at one point, but otherwise he's been fine. I bought him a few books while I was out." Sachiko nodded to where three books – all Stephen King – were stacked neatly in a corner out of the way. "And I got him some strawberries and melon, and a punnet of cherries."

"You're spoiling him," Soichiro informed his wife, but with no real rancor.

"Well, it's about time someone did," Sachiko retorted. "He's obviously been down on his luck and it's a shame; he's such a sweet boy. Why on earth didn't you bring him here before?"

"Because for the past eighteen months, I thought he was dead! Has he eaten anything today?"

Sachiko sighed. "Not a great deal. He's got the oddest eating habits I've ever seen. He doesn't eat; he _grazes_. He was helping me make lunch—"

"_Ryuzaki_? Cooking?"

"Yes, you said I should try and distract him, and he seemed interested in what I was doing."

Well, Soichiro supposed that when it came to cooking, the novelty factor alone would intrigue L, although cooking lessons weren't exactly what he'd had in mind when he'd asked Sachiko to distract the young man.

"And while he was helping me, we got talking. I asked him what kind of foods he liked and he said he didn't really know, as he'd only ever eaten sweets before he came here. Apparently, someone told him that if he ate anything except sweets, he'd turn into an idiot. I asked him why he was so happy to eat my cooking if that were the case and do you know what he said?" Without waiting for an answer, Sachiko plunged ahead. "He said that he no longer wanted to work as a detective, so maybe if he let his brain rot, people would stop trying to hijack it. He said nobody would be interested in him if he was an idiot. And then I told him that nobody ever got smarter through eating sweets, and if he really wanted brain power, he should try fish. I'm not sure he believed me though, but he did ask if I'd mind making salmon and rice balls again at some point, so I decided I'd make them tonight. He needs cheering up; he's really been down in the dumps about something."

Soichiro clenched a fist. Damn! He'd meant to buy L some sweets on his way home from work. He hadn't intended for the young man to give up sugar completely; he'd just wanted to stop him living on the stuff.

"Did he tell you what kind of sweets he liked?" he asked, although he didn't suppose it mattered. If previous observations were any indication, so long as it was sugary, L would eat _anything_.

"He likes _manju_. And _daifuku_. I shouldn't bother getting any though; he told me himself that he was so sick of the taste of sugar that there were times when he had to force himself to swallow, and yet he was too frightened of becoming stupid to stop eating it."

Soichiro nodded absently. Sachiko was never a great one for venting, but on the rare occasions when she did have to let off steam, he felt he had to at least listen. Besides, this particular vent was very interesting and offered more of an insight into L than Soichiro had managed to get so far. He supposed it was his wife's nature that did the trick. Even _L_ couldn't consider Sachiko to be any kind of threat to him.

"Oh, and remind me to pick up some chicken on the way back from Sayu's tennis match tomorrow. Ryuzaki told me there were times when he would have died for some _yakitori_."

A pang of guilt smote Soichiro. The task force had practically _lived_ on food like _yakitori_ and _nikuman_ during the Kira investigation; quick, easy food that you could pick up and eat straightaway (Mogi in particular had seemed to have an instinct for the best and cheapest places to buy food). Why hadn't it occurred to him to offer L any?

"How has he been otherwise?" he asked, in an effort to steer the conversation out of these troubled waters. _God, we must have been torturing him..._

"Very quiet, but then he doesn't seem to be much of a talker. And after lunch he went straight into the bathroom and took a forty minute shower followed by an hour in the bath."

Soichiro nodded. That was nothing new. L loved the bath, and since he had a tendency to use it in the middle of the day, when members of the Yagami household were at work, college or the shops respectively, he was free to enjoy it for as long as he wanted. Considering he'd been homeless for over a year, it wasn't surprising he wanted to scrub the stink of the streets off himself.

"Oh, and I bought him some more clothes while I was out as well; he can't get by with just one outfit. Why on earth didn't you bring some of his clothes back from Osaka?"

"Because there _were_ none of his clothes in his house in Osaka. All he owns are the clothes he's standing up in." _And whatever's hidden between those two futons_, Soichiro added in the privacy of his own mind.

There was another pause, then Sachiko said in a quiet voice, "Soichiro, who is he? I mean, really? I know you said he was a freelance detective, so I imagine Ryuzaki is an alias, but if it is, then what's his real name?"

Soichiro told her.

Sachiko's hands flew to her mouth and she stared at her husband. "But...he's _dead_!"

"Yes, I know. Apparently no one thought to tell him that," Soichiro remarked. "Don't mention it to him. I don't know how much of it Ryuzaki remembers, but I don't think it's much and I don't want to upset him. Don't even mention his name, or that you know it, if you can help it."

"Of course not. Poor dear; no wonder he was in such a bad state when you found him."

Soichiro blinked. He'd come up with several names for L in the past few days, some more repeatable than others – especially when L was being particularly difficult – but _poor dear_ wasn't one of them.

"You don't find him at all...worrying?" he couldn't help asking. It seemed the best way of asking _Does he scare you_?

"Oh, I know he's a bit odd, but he seems harmless enough, and he's very polite. And he was so touched when I bought him those things. Do you know, for a moment I thought he was actually going to cry."

That wasn't surprising, in Soichiro's opinion. Watari may have taken care of L's material needs, but the deputy director was prepared to bet that spontaneous gestures of kindness and/or affection had been something of a rarity for L. It was a little hard for him to imagine the young man being touched to the point of tears, but even Soichiro could see that the L staying in his house was a completely different L to the one who he'd worked with eighteen months ago.

"Where is he now?"

"Outside. He seems to like being outdoors; he spends most of his time in the garden when you're not here. You might go and tell him it's time for dinner, dear. He doesn't have a watch and I think he's too lost in his book to pay any attention to his stomach. He's just like you."

Soichiro wasn't sure what to make of _that_ comparison, nor was he certain what _L_ would make of it. It probably wasn't a good idea to dwell on it too long, and so he headed outside instead. The garden here was larger than the one in their old home, big enough for a pair of stone seats – one by a small pond, the other under a tree – and a couple of flower borders.

L was perched on the seat by the pond, and looking distinctly un-L-like in a rust colored t-shirt and brand new blue jeans that were several shades darker than usual. For once, he was holding his book normally in both hands as opposed to his usual method of finger and thumb, but Soichiro was certain this was only because the book in question happened to be _The Stand_, and if you tried to hold _that_ one between finger and thumb you'd probably pull a palm muscle.

Soichiro stood and waited. A keen reader himself, he understood how annoying it was to have people insist on trying to talk to you when you were buried in a book.

At last L said, "Good evening, Yagami-_san_."

"Am I disturbing you?"

"Not in the least." L placed a finger in the book and turned to face Soichiro fully.

"That's a nice outfit."

"Thank you. I'll pay Sachiko-_san_ back as soon as I find some money."

"There's no need for that," Soichiro informed him, although part of him was touched by L's words.

"I know, but I wouldn't feel right if I didn't offer." L looked down at himself. "Nobody ever bought me new clothes before."

The older man raised his eyebrows.

"Watari must have at some point," he remarked.

L tipped his head back and considered this. "Yes. Now that you mention it, I suppose he must have. I don't remember him doing it, but there were always clean clothes waiting for me every day." He glanced down at his new t-shirt again. "I like these better, though it's a little strange to look in the mirror and see me wearing this kind of reddish-brown instead of white. I think it's going to take me a little time to get used to it."

_You and me both_, Soichiro thought. Still, at least the new clothes fit better; L's original long-sleeved t-shirts had been at least one size too big.

"How have you been? Today, I mean."

"Alright, I think. Better than usual. The books helped a lot." L paused, looking down at the one he was holding. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Don't thank me; thank Sachiko."

"I did," L answered, "but it seems a little strange that Sachiko-_san_ should just _happen_ to guess one of my favorite authors a couple of days after I mentioned him to you. Don't you think that's strange?"

"Are you being smart with me, Ryuzaki?" Soichiro asked, although he was half smiling.

L's face was the picture of innocence. "I wouldn't dream of it, Yagami-_san_. Was there anything else you wanted to speak to me about?" He held up the book for emphasis. "I don't want to be rude, but you did come along at rather an exciting part."

"I came to tell you it's time for dinner."

"That's alright, I'm not hungry."

"And that it's getting dark, and if you stay out here much longer you'll strain your eyes."

The young man craned his neck back and stared at the sky as though he'd never seen it before.

"Yes, I see."

"And that Sachiko is making those salmon rice balls that you like."

L glanced at his book, then at the house, then back at his book.

"Well...maybe—"

"No, Ryuzaki," Soichiro interrupted, correctly guessing the trend of L's thoughts, "you may _not_ eat your dinner outside."

"Why not? It isn't raining."

"Two very good reasons. One, if you're trying to eat, drink and read a book at the same time, you could spill something on that book. Sachiko would then have to buy a replacement and I'm not having her pay for your carelessness just because you couldn't wait until after dinner. Two, all the time you're staying with this family, however briefly, you'll be treated like a member of this family, and we eat at the table together."

"Do you ever eat outside, Yagami-_san_?" L asked. There was no sarcasm in his voice; it was a genuine query.

"Occasionally, yes, but not tonight."

L looked down at his book again. "Alright, but do you have something I can use for a bookmark? I dislike folding corners to mark my place."

Oh well, at least he hadn't tried to bring the book to dinner with him. Soichiro nodded.

"Yes; there's a notebook by the phone. You can tear out a piece of paper and use that." He paused, wondering how best to broach the subject he really wanted to discuss with L. He'd been wondering that for most of the day, ever since his daughter had invited L to her tennis match, and at last he settled for saying, "Before you go in, I want to talk to you about what happened this morning."

"If it's about the tennis match tomorrow, Yagami-_san_, I wasn't just being polite. I really would like to go. But if you feel it may be better for me to remain here, then I will." L paused, then added in a quieter voice, "Either way, you don't have to worry; I'm not the least bit interested in Sayu-_san_. I mean, she's a good person and I like her, but...well..." He floundered a little.

"Not in that way," Soichiro supplied.

L nodded gratefully. "Exactly. And...well, it might not be safe for me and Sayu_-san _to become close_._ Whenever I risk letting someone get close to me, they have an annoying habit of being murdered."

It was said so calmly that the words slithered into Soichiro's mind before his ears had a chance to register them.

"Things have changed. Now that you're officially dead, you're free to get on with your life."

L stared at him for a second, then burst out laughing. Not the bitter, cynical laughter that Soichiro had heard from him before, but the surprised laughter of someone who's just heard an unexpected joke.

Soichiro folded his arms, torn between embarrassment at his own words and his own amusement at the incongruity of his last statement.

"You know what I mean," he said.

"Yes." L managed to get some control over himself, although he was still grinning. "Now that I'm dead, I can start enjoying life." He raised his eyebrows. "Unless, of course, that life involves sex with your daughter. Am I right, Yagami-_san_?"

"One hundred percent," Soichiro assured him, not as severely as he might have done otherwise. The spark in L's eyes told him that the young man hadn't been serious. "Come on, it's time to eat."

L yawned and slithered to his feet, heading for the back door. "Alright. I was getting a headache anyway."

"A headache?" Soichiro echoed, following L inside.

"Yes." The young man crossed over to the phone, ripped a page off the notebook Soichiro had mentioned and tucked it into his book. "I love reading, but I haven't done it for a long time, and reading words on paper is very different to reading them on a screen. I think I'm suffering from eyestrain." L placed his book on the arm of the couch, gave it a last longing look and a fond pat on the cover, then followed Soichiro over to the table.

The meal was a fairly light-hearted one, with Sayu chattering about the upcoming tennis match tomorrow and L being more focused on his beloved salmon rice balls to do much talking.

_At least it being a bad day, as he put it, doesn't seem to have affected his appetite_, Soichiro thought. _In fact, it doesn't seem to have had much effect on him at all_.

* * *

This belief lasted until after Soichiro had indulged himself in a long, late-night soak in the downstairs bath before going to bed. When he came out of the bathroom, both Sachiko and Sayu had already gone up and L was sitting on the couch, curled up with his face buried in his knees, not moving. Something about the tightness of the position concerned Soichiro, and he crouched down in front of the young man.

"Ryuzaki?"

No response.

"Ryuzaki?" Louder now. L wasn't asleep, that much was obvious; he was a very light sleeper, woken by the slightest noise. "Ryuzaki, can you hear me?"

Nothing. He might as well have been talking to the wall for all the response he got.

Soichiro reached out and touched L's arm. It was cold. Far too cold.

"Ryuzaki!" He shook the young man, not ungently.

L flinched, then turned his head to face Soichiro so slowly that it was hard to see him moving at all.

"Ryuzaki?" The kid must have had these bad days with Watari, so what had happened then? Should he just leave L to work through this on his own? What had Watari done on days like this?

"Yagami-_san_?" L's voice was slurred and he stared at Soichiro as though he'd never seen him before. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I live here, Ryuzaki."

Long silence. Then: "I thought you lived in Japan."

"This _is_ Japan. You're in my house."

"I...am?" L looked at Soichiro's hand, which was still on his arm. "You're warm."

"No I'm not; you're just cold."

"Where am I?"

"You're in my house, in Tokyo," Soichiro repeated patiently.

"How did I get here?" There was a lost, confused look in L's eyes that Soichiro couldn't help responding to; he took the young man's hand in both of his and squeezed, trying to get some warmth into that icy flesh.

"You were living on the streets in Aomori City when I found you, so I brought you back to my house, and Sachiko bought you some novels earlier today." Soichiro had no idea why he said that, except he thought that such a rare occurrence as being bought books might stick out in L's mind and offer him some sort of anchor.

"Novels?" Unease flickered across L's face. "I'm not allowed to have novels. I'm not even allowed to _read _them. Watari said so."

_Oh god, Ryuzaki, what the hell happened to you? Today's an anniversary of something, I know that much, but an anniversary of what?_

"Watari isn't here, Ryuzaki."

"He'll come back, though."

"Well, if he does, we'll tell him that the books are mine. How does that sound?"

Now L looked a little uncertain.

"I guess...maybe that would be okay. But why would _you _have _books_?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Believe it or not, Ryuzaki, I'm a keen reader myself."

"_You_?" There was such a wealth of astonishment in that word that if Soichiro hadn't known that L wasn't really aware of what he was saying, he would have been offended.

"Yes, me. And what does Watari have against reading, anyway?"

"I don't think he minds people like you doing it, Yagami-_san_. But...well, when you sit down with a book, how long do you read for?"

Soichiro blinked. "I don't know. I've never timed myself. Half an hour? An hour?"

L nodded, as if that fitted in with what he thought. "I see. Yagami-_san_, do you have any idea how many breakthroughs I could potentially discover in that space of time? How many clues I could find? I could become one step closer to solving the case, one step closer to arresting a murderer—"

"—and one step closer to _karoshi_," Soichiro couldn't resist adding.

"Yes. No!"

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Yagami-_san_?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have any water? I'm thirsty."

It was on the tip of Soichiro's tongue to tell L to get his own damn water, but somewhere along the line the words became, "Alright. Wait here."

L's head shot up and he stared at Soichiro with real alarm in his face. "Where are you going?"

"I don't carry glasses of water around in my pockets, Ryuzaki. If you want a drink, I'll have to get you one from the kitchen."

"Kitchen?" L echoed. "There aren't any kitchens down here."

_And just where is 'here', Ryuzaki? _Soichiro wondered, but couldn't face asking. Instead he just said, "Well, I'll see if I can find one. If I can't, I'll come right back."

He crossed over to the sink and filled a glass with water, then got another glass for himself. He took slightly longer than usual to do it; something about L just then was sending shivers down his spine.

When he got back to the sofa, L had buried his head in his knees again. Reaching out, Soichiro gave his shoulder a gentle shake.

"Ryuzaki?"

L emerged and glanced at him, blinking.

"Yagami-_san_?" His voice was normal, with no hint of the confusion that had been present only seconds ago. "What...I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

Soichiro handed him the glass of water. The young man took it with a puzzled look, as though he couldn't imagine why Soichiro would be giving him such a thing.

"Do you know where you are?" Soichiro asked him.

L frowned, clearly perplexed not by the question so much as the reasoning behind it. "Well, yeah. I'm on your couch. In your house."

"Yes, that's right." It took quite a lot of effort for Soichiro to keep his voice that neutral. "Do you remember what just happened?"

He could see understanding dawn in L's eyes, then the young man shook his head.

"No. I never remember what happens on a bad day. Remembering that is like trying to remember a dream." L gave a shaky laugh. "I don't know if I'll even remember telling you this much in the morning! I just kind of...click in and out. I only know that much about it because Watari told me." He shook his head. "I'm sorry if I alarmed you, Yagami-_san, _but I'll be alright. At least, I will when the sun rises and this night is finally over. I may be a little slow tomorrow, but I'll be _there_, if you understand what I mean."

Soichiro sat down next to him. "Ryuzaki—"

"You know, you really should get some sleep."

The older man raised his eyebrows. "So should you."

"I'll be alright. I'm used to going without sleep. I did it plenty of times, especially on the Kira case."

"You're not on the Kira case now, Ryuzaki, and I still feel you pushed yourself too hard there."

L looked away, lip curled. "Yeah, well, I was the best chance you had of catching Kira, wasn't I? Even if you'd let me take some time off, Wat—" He broke off, but it was already too late.

"Watari wouldn't have," Soichiro finished quietly. It was a good thing he _hadn't _asked for L's help on this latest murder. "But you must have known we would help you."

"No. How could I? I saw the way all of you looked at me. The same way people _always_ look at me. Do you have any idea how much it hurts, to _know_ that you're a freak? To know that there's nobody who gives a damn whether you live or die?"

"That's not true!"

L gave him a savage smile. "Oh _really_? Then tell me this: if I _had_ been killed by Kira, what would have been the first thing to go through the minds of the task force? Would it be _oh, poor Ryuzaki, maybe we shouldn't have let him risk himself like this_? Or would be more along the lines of _oh great, NOW how are we going to catch Kira_? Watari might have shed a few tears for me, but...well, I don't know_. _ I never wanted to be famous or anything, but I always sort of hoped there'd be more than one person at my funeral. And I hope you never have to find out what it feels like to know that out of all the thousands of people you've spoken and helped in your life, not _one_ of them cares if you die, because it _hurts, _Yagami-_san_." There was a catch in L's voice as he added, "It really, really hurts."

Soichiro stared at him, torn between shock and guilt. He seemed to spend a lot of time wavering on that line, he noticed. L hadn't been kidding when he'd said today would be a bad day; something told Soichiro that while everything L was saying was true, the young man was only saying it so he wouldn't have to think about whatever had happened to him on this date. Being angry at Soichiro was a better bet than sliding back into whatever private nightmare he'd just dragged himself out of.

"Ryuzaki, if you felt so strongly about it, then why didn't you say something before?" Soichiro shook his head. "There was no way any of us could have forced you to solve the case, even if we'd wanted to. I would have let you off, and if I'd known Watari might have made things awkward for you, I would have brought you back with me."

"Thanks," L said tonelessly, "but however bad my situation was, somehow I don't think becoming Kira's roomie would have been an improvement."

"That's not answering my question, Ryuzaki. Why didn't you say something to me?"

L was silent for a long time.

"I wanted to," he said at last. "Back when you put that blanket around me, I wanted to tell you then. I spent ages just sitting there, trying to work out whether I should or shouldn't say anything and knowing that if I did, Watari would be in on us before I could finish the sentence. I mean, he'd never have got angry with me for trying to talk to you, but he would want to make sure I wasn't going to tell you anything that could compromise my own safety."

_Right,_ _Ryuzaki_, Soichiro thought but wasn't nearly stupid enough to say._ You just keep telling yourself that. It's a hell of a lot harder to defy someone's wishes when that someone is standing over you, and part of you must know that because I'm certain that Watari did._

"He was a very light sleeper," L added. "When I was young I used to think he never slept at all."

"Why _didn't_ you say anything, though?" Soichiro asked him. After all, Watari could hardly have gagged the kid in front of him...

The young man gave a short, humorless chuckle. "Because by the time I finally plucked up the courage to do it, you'd fallen asleep! Besides, only weak people ask for help. And...I didn't want you to think I was weak."

Soichiro raised an eyebrow. "Who told you that?"

"I don't remember. But everyone knows it's true."

"I see. So do you think I was weak, when I asked for your help on the Kira case?"

L's head snapped up, eyes suddenly blazing.

"_Asked_?" he echoed, the sudden bitterness in his voice surprising Soichiro. "When did you ever _ask_ for my help?" He shook his head. "Nobody _asks_ for my help, Yagami-_san_; they just expect it."

"That's not true!"

"Then when did it happen? At what point did you – or any member of the task force – say, _Oh, by the way, Ryuzaki, are you okay with this? You know, the whole shooting to the top of Kira's hit list, spending every minute of every hour of every day waiting for a heart attack that may or may not happen and generally putting your life on the line? Because, hey, we were given the option of getting the hell out, so we'd just like to offer you that same chance_?" Still staring at Soichiro, breathing rapidly, L added, "You tell me just when any of you came to me and said that, Yagami-_san_, or at least words to that effect, and I'll take back everything I just said."

Soichiro waited until he was sure L had finished, then said very calmly, "I don't know, Ryuzaki, but it was probably right around the point where _you_ came to _me_ and said, _Yagami-san, I want out._"

A lot of the snap went out of L's eyes at that point and he ducked his head, rubbing the back of his neck in an embarrassed fashion, and didn't answer. Soichiro glanced around for a safer topic of conversation and his eyes fell on the flickering TV.

"Are you watching this?" he asked.

"No."

"In that case—" Soichiro reached out for the remote, but L snatched it and hurled it away, sending it skittering across the floor and under the fridge. "_Ryuzaki_!"

"I have to keep the TV on, Yagami-_san_."

"Why?"

In a very quiet voice, L answered, "Because I don't like the dark. Tomorrow night will be better. Tonight, I have to avoid...certain things. Let me get through this, Yagami-_san_."

"Ryuzaki—"

"Please." It was a word that Soichiro heard so rarely from the young man outside the context of normal good manners that he swallowed what he'd been about to say.

"I'm not used to complete darkness," L continued in the same quiet tones. "I'm used to falling asleep in front of a screen, or near street lights. The dark makes me nervous."

Soichiro glanced around the room for a more cost-effective light source than the TV and his gaze fell on the window.

"What about if I opened the curtains? Would that help you?"

"Not tonight. Tomorrow night, yes, that would be perfect. Tonight I need something a little stronger. I would have put the main light on, but I was afraid it would disturb you and your family."

Soichiro was silent for a few minutes, trying to think of the best way to say what was going through his mind. At last he settled on, "Aren't you a little old to be afraid of the dark, Ryuzaki?"

"I'm not _afraid. _I just don't like it and I don't like _being_ in it and I think the world would be a much better place if we abolished the dark completely or worked out a way to replace the moon with a giant lightbulb! That's all!"

"Oh, is it?" Soichiro couldn't resist teasing L a little. "I see. So you don't mind being in complete darkness, but at the same time you want to get rid of it completely. Is that right?"

L gave him a look and said in a quiet voice, "I've only ever been in complete darkness once in my life, Yagami-_san. _Ten years ago, to the day."

A lot of the humor died out of Soichiro's eyes at that.

"What happened?" When L didn't immediately answer, the older man took an educated guess. "Were you...did some of the people you upset manage to get past Watari? Did they get to you?"

"Yes, they got past Watari. And yes, they got to me." L tightened his grip on his knees with one arm, using the other hand to rub a part of his shoulder that Soichiro remembered had a scar from a bullet wound. "They shot me in the shoulder, then dragged me downstairs, blindfolded me and threw me into their car and drove me out of town, right into the country. Then they buried me alive."

Soichiro's glass slithered out of his fingers to shatter on the floor.

"_What_?" He couldn't imagine that. The pain, the terror...

_The darkness_.

"You mean...in a coffin?" he said, for want of anything better.

"A coffin wouldn't have been so bad. No, they used something else; I think it was one of those mail bags or something similar. I just remember the weight on top of me. The earth. And the darkness. They put some kind of transceiver in my ear and all I could hear was them saying that I was going to die, that they'd put quick-drying cement on the top and there was no way I'd be able to dig my way out, that nobody would ever find me and that I was going to suffocate here."

"Quick-drying cement?" Soichiro echoed. "In the country?"

L shrugged. "I didn't know I was in the country at that point. I was blindfolded, remember?"

"How the _hell_ did you get out?"

"One of the buttons on my jeans was a tracker. Watari found me and dug me out. It wasn't really cement, just loose earth." L managed a shaky laugh. "I can honestly say that I've never been so thankful to see anyone in my whole life. I still dream about it a lot, but...it's only on this day and either side of it that it gets really bad."

"I..." Soichiro found his voice was hoarse; he cleared his throat and tried again. "I had no idea."

"Of course you didn't. I never mentioned it to you and Watari always said it was unhealthy to keep living in the past, so there's no way he would have brought it up. Besides, it's not the kind of thing you can just drop into conversation at the dinner table."

"How old were you when it happened?"

"Thirteen or fourteen. Like I said, I don't know my real birthday so I'm a little hazy on my exact age."

_October thirty first_, Soichiro thought but didn't say. _You were born on October thirty first. You'd have been thirteen._

Thirteen. God, what kind of...of monster would do that to a thirteen year old? How had they even known that the child they found was L? Or had they assumed Watari was L and that L was his son and done it to try and hurt the old man? That seemed a far more likely scenario, but even _so_...

"You must have talked about it with Watari though," he said.

"Why? He and I both knew what happened. Reminding each other about it wouldn't have accomplished anything. And one time when I mentioned it, Watari asked me to stop. He said it made him feel too guilty about what had happened to me. What good would it have done to insist on talking about it?"

"It would have stopped the nightmares," Soichiro said very quietly.

L looked away, face closed. "You don't know that."

"Yes I do. You say you and Watari never talked about it. Have you ever told anyone else what you just told me?"

"No, of course not. Who would want to hear about something like that?" L paused, then added, "Besides, what about you, Yagami-_san_? Who have _you_ ever talked to about Kira?"

"That's different, Ryuzaki."

"How?" The word shot back at him almost before Soichiro had finished speaking.

"I can't discuss what happened with my family. It would upset them too much."

L raised his eyebrows, rocking back into the comfort of the sofa cushions and his pillows. "And your lying to them on this scale for the past eighteen months won't? Oh, don't worry, Yagami-_san_," he added, "I have no intention of spilling the beans, no matter what happens. I wouldn't upset your family; they've been very kind to me. I just wanted to point out that sometimes sitting down and talking about things isn't an option. Besides, if I did that with Watari, it would have taken almost half an hour. Do you _know_ how many clues I could find in that time?"

Soichiro stared at him for several seconds. At last he said, "Ryuzaki, when you were living with Watari, did you _ever_ do anything besides solve cases?"

L looked a little uncertain. "Like what?"

"Like...I don't know. Like go out for a walk? Or a meal in a restaurant? Or the theater, or the cinema, or..._anything_ that would have got you out of whichever room you were working in at the time? What do you like doing?"

There was a long silence.

"I...went to the Shosei-en gardens once, when we were living in Kyoto," L admitted slowly. "But I wasn't supposed to."

"You mean you ran away," Soichiro supplied, without any real disapproval. Even with the limited amount he'd learned about L's life, the real mystery to him wasn't why L had kept running away, but why he'd kept going back.

"Yeah...something like that," L confessed, not looking at him. "Watari had gone out and I knew he wouldn't be back until the next morning. He'd locked the door, but he'd left me the spare key. He always did that when he was going to be gone for more than a few hours, just in case there was a fire or something."

"Did you feel guilty about sneaking out?" Soichiro tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible. He wasn't trying to judge L; he just wanted to know.

"Kinda. I mean, all the time I was thinking that I shouldn't be doing this, but that just made it more fun, you know? More exciting."

Soichiro nodded. Yes, he knew. A lot of the kids who broke the law did so on that exact same basis.

"But I didn't feel guilty about leaving the house without permission. I felt guilty for _not_ feeling guilty about it, if that makes any sense."

"Did Watari ever find out?"

"Oh yes. I told him myself as soon as he got back."

Soichiro's eyebrows shot up. "You what?"

L shrugged. "I thought maybe if he saw that he could trust me, that I'd come back willingly, he might loosen up a little. You know; let me take an hour's walk or a trip to a park every time I solved a case or something."

"And what did happen?" Soichiro asked, although part of him was afraid to know.

"He got upset with me. Well, furious is nearer the mark; I'd never seen him so angry. He took away my entire supply of sweets and cakes for the rest of the day."

Which didn't sound like much in itself, Soichiro thought – he'd disciplined his own children by taking away dessert more than once – until you took into account that given L's normal diet with Watari, telling him _no sweets or cakes_ was the same thing as telling him _no food_.

"Did he...do that often?" he asked, as carefully as he could.

L considered. "No. I only remember him doing it on one other occasion before that. That was after my first big case, the first time I ran away. I didn't get very far before he caught me and brought me back. He only did it that one time; whenever he caught me after that, he'd just lock me in my room for a couple of days. I guess he must have realized that taking away my sugar supply didn't make any difference. There was a serving hatch in the wall of our old place and he'd just put the food through there. I didn't always eat it," L admitted, "especially when I was angry, but Watari always gave it to me."

"Was your room in the old place anything like your room in Osaka?"

"Yes, although it had a bed. I wasn't too comfortable on it though – if I slept in the wrong position, it aggravated my back – so when we moved I asked Watari to buy me the futons that you saw. He used to keep most of the equipment down there at first, until—" L broke off and looked away, flushing scarlet.

"Let me guess," Soichiro said in as laid-back a tone as possible. "There was some kind of accident involving you and the equipment shortly after you tried and failed to run away."

"If you believe a person can accidentally spend twenty minutes destroying equipment worth a little over three million yen in total, then yes. There _was_ some kind of accident involving me and the equipment shortly after I tried and failed to run away."

"Ah." Soichiro was silent for a few minutes. "So should I go and Ryuzaki-proof the house?"

L managed a smile. "That is impossible, Yagami-_san_."

"Mm. Well, maybe, but if you're going to be alright then I think I'll go and try anyway. Starting with my bedroom," Soichiro added, and got to his feet. "Goodnight."

He'd made it halfway across the room when L said, "Climb."

Soichiro paused and turned around. "What was that?"

"Climb," L repeated. "You asked me what I like doing. I like climbing mountains."

"Mountains?" Soichiro echoed. He wasn't fooled – this was another stalling tactic on L's part – but a part of him couldn't help being intrigued.

"Yes. You know. Like hills, only bigger." L was quiet for a few minutes, then continued. "I've spent my entire life indoors, in large hotel rooms or in cities. There are no cases in the country or by the sea, and I can get any information via the computers anyway, so there was no point in traveling. I'm used to having walls on all sides. Watari even kept the curtains drawn at all times so I couldn't be distracted. When I climbed Mt. Komagatake...it was the first time I'd been able to see for a long way. I checked into the hotel there and spent two weeks just walking around and looking at the view." A soft smile crept onto L's face as he stared reminiscently into space, making him look very young, and very human. "I felt like I could see forever. It was..." His voice tailed off as he tried to find the right words and he shook his head a little.

"Did you climb any others?" Soichiro asked, after L had been lost in a blissful reverie for two or three minutes.

L shook off the trance and glanced at him. "Sorry?"

"Did you climb any others?" Soichiro repeated.

"No. Just that one. I had to save money. I shouldn't really have spent two weeks there – it cost about two thirds of what I had – but I'd never been to a place like that before."

Soichiro was silent for a few minutes, then opened his mouth.

"No," L said.

The older man shut it again with a snap, and opened it again long enough to say, "What—"

L got to his feet and sauntered over to the window, pulling back the curtain and looking outside before answering.

"You were about to comment on the mountains in Aomori and ask me if I remembered hiking up Mount Iwaki or something as a child. The answer is _no_." Letting the curtain fall back into place, he turned around. "You seem to be taking rather a keen interest in my childhood, Yagami-_san_. Are you trying to find a long-lost relative that you can offload me onto?"

"No, of course not," Soichiro answered, who hadn't even thought of such a thing until L mentioned it. "But aren't you curious about your parents?"

"Not in the least." When Soichiro looked shocked, L went on. "In case you've forgotten what I told you, Yagami-_san_, let me give you a quick recap. My parents sent me away to an orphanage in England without bothering to say goodbye to me or even send along a note via the people taking me there. I never heard from either of them again. You really think I'd give a damn about people who made it clear as hell that they don't give a damn about _me_?"

"No." Soichiro had long since mastered the trick of projecting his voice without yelling, and his answer silenced L, who seemed to be gulping air a bit too quickly. "But you must have other family members."

"Then _where the hell were they_?"

"Ryuzaki, calm down. I know you're upset, but—"

"I am _not_ upset! I am _angry_!"

_And not before time_, Soichiro thought. Out of everything he'd noticed in L since the first day they met, the young man's habit of keeping all his emotions tightly bottled up had alarmed him the most. Seeing him this furious wasn't exactly pleasant, but it _was_ something of a relief to know that L's locking up his emotions hadn't destroyed his ability to feel them.

"Alright, _alright_. Only try and be angry a little more quietly; Sachiko and Sayu are still asleep."

L hopped onto the couch and turned his head away without answering. Soichiro could see the young man's shoulders quivering slightly as he fought for some kind of control over himself. He could also see L's neatly folded nest of blankets on one side and an idea occurred to him. Doing this seemed to have made an impression on L before, so maybe it was worth trying again.

Sitting down next to him, Soichiro picked up one of L's blankets and wrapped it around the young man. L stiffened, then grudgingly relaxed, pulling the blanket a little tighter, and then, to Soichiro's complete and utter shock, shuffled closer and leaned into his side.

"Yagami-_san_?" It was a much smaller voice than usual, the voice of a child who isn't sure whether it's going to get a slap or a smile.

Soichiro didn't dare move, too frightened of breaking the fragile bond that seemed to have sprung up between them.

"Yes?" he said quietly.

"I'm sorry."

Soichiro hesitated, then put an arm around L's shoulders.

"Ryuzaki—"

"Just don't leave me." L's voice was barely audible and Soichiro wasn't sure if the younger man had even heard him. A slender hand emerged from the blanket and groped about until it found Soichiro's other wrist, which it then seized in a death grip. "Not tonight. Please."

Quite how L thought he was supposed to do _that _while he was hanging onto the older man's wrist with such determination was a mystery to Soichiro, but somehow he didn't think it was a good idea to mention that. Instead he made himself a little more comfortable on the sofa, holding L and waiting for the sun to rise.

* * *

**AN:** Again, for anyone unfamiliar with Japanese terms, _karoshi_ refers to death caused by overworking, usually in the form of a stroke or heart attack. As with _yobisute_, there's no real English equivalent :-) Again, if you've read this and you have a minute, then reviews are very welcome :-)


	8. Tennis Match

**Mystery Reviewers AKA Guests: ***blushes* Thanks so much XD

* * *

**JUNE 6**

It was a good thing he'd taken today off work, Soichiro thought. At least he'd have a chance to catch up on some sleep. Of course, Sayu would never forgive her father if Soichiro happened to fall asleep during her tennis match, but he could probably squeeze in a nap in the evening.

Soichiro had no idea if L managed to get any sleep that night (the young man had curled into his ball and it was impossible to see his face). All he knew was that he himself didn't. L's plea kept going around and around in his head, and he didn't like to think what it must have cost the young man to make it...nor did he like thinking about L's latest revelation. Soichiro didn't doubt the detective's claim that Watari had been guilt-ridden over what had happened to his charge, and he could even understand why Watari hadn't wanted to hear L talking about it, but the cynical part of him pointed out that it hadn't stopped the old man from expecting L to solve more cases.

L shifted his weight and said something, his voice too muffled to make out the words.

"Ryuzaki?" Soichiro kept his voice soft, not wanting to wake L if the young man really was asleep.

Nothing. He only hoped L wouldn't wake up hating him; someone as proud as that wouldn't easily forgive anyone who saw him displaying what he considered to be a weakness.

_Whether he hates me or not, I hope he wakes up soon_. L's grip on Soichiro's wrist hadn't slackened once; in fact, it had tightened to the point where Soichiro could no longer feel his hand.

He shifted his weight and that did the trick; L jerked a little and cracked his eyes open.

"Yagami-_san_? What time is it?"

"About ten past six. How did you sleep?"

"Alright." L hesitated, then said in a more surprised tone, "Yes. I slept right through."

"No nightmares?"

L considered this, then said, "I don't know. Does a sad dream count as a nightmare? Because I had one of those. You know, one of those dreams where everything seems to go right and you have what you wanted the most, and then you have to wake up." He swallowed and looked away. "I've never been able to work out whether I'm glad I had it or not. Whether it's worth the pain of waking up afterwards."

Soichiro shifted his weight again – he really hoped L would let go of his wrist soon – and said, "I don't know. It never seems like it to me."

"No," L said very quietly, still keeping his gaze on the couch, doodling on it with a finger. "Nor me." There was an embarrassed, cringing air about him. Clearly he thought he'd given away far too much of himself last night.

"Ryuzaki?" Soichiro said again. There was nothing else for it; he'd _have_ to ask.

L ducked his head, his face red. "Yes, Yagami-_san_?"

"May I have my hand back now?"

The red turned to scarlet and L jerked his hand off Soichiro's wrist as though the older man had suddenly turned red-hot.

"Of course. I...apologize, Yagami-_san_. What happened last night was a...a serious breach of professionalism."

Soichiro glanced up from where he was trying to flex some feeling back into his fingers.

"_Damn_ professionalism!" he rapped out, so sharply that L jerked his head up to stare at him in surprise. "We're not at work now, Ryuzaki. All that happened last night was that you had some kind of flashback to something _nobody _should have to suffer, and I tried to help you cope with it because that's what friends do."

"Friends." L spoke the word slowly, turning it over and over in his mouth, like someone learning a foreign language. "_Are_ we friends, Yagami-_san_?"

Soichiro wasn't certain what the right answer to that was, and so he settled for, "Well...I'd like to think so, yes."

L studied him for a few minutes, then shrugged. "Alright then."

"That's it?" Soichiro couldn't help asking.

"Should there be something else? I'm sorry. I've never made a friend before, so I'm not very familiar with the correct procedure. I'm afraid you'll have to be patient with me while I learn to be normal."

_Procedure_, Soichiro thought wryly. Only L would try and reduce something like friendship to a step-by-step set of bullet points.

"You are normal, Ryuzaki."

L shot him a _don't-give-me-that-crap_ look and Soichiro added, "Well, no, you're an oddball, but that's not necessarily a bad thing."

"Of course it is. You know what they say, Yagami-_san_. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down."

"Has anyone tried to hammer _you_ down since you've been on your own?"

The young man considered this, then said reluctantly, "Well...no."

"Exactly." Soichiro curled and uncurled his hand, trying not to wince at the agonizing attack of pins and needles there. "Ryuzaki, you haven't done anything wrong. Yesterday was a bad day. That's it. You even warned me about what was likely to happen."

"I didn't warn you about...about grabbing you like that." L's voice was quiet. "Even if we're friends, such an action on my part was untenable. I'm surprised you allowed it."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "What did you expect me to do? Run away screaming?"

"You're a policeman, Yagami-_san_. You must have arrested a lot of people, most of whom probably didn't want to be arrested. If I had been a suspect, you could have freed yourself without hurting me."

Soichiro nodded. "Yes. I could."

"So why didn't you?" L pressed.

"Because there's nothing wrong in comforting someone who needs it. Ryuzaki, if I'd had to deal with what you went through at that age, I think I'd hide inside my room and never come out."

"That really wasn't an option for me, Yagami-_san_."

"No." In a sudden burst of clarity, Soichiro understood the root of L's actions, or at least some of them. "You couldn't hide inside your room, so you hid inside _yourself_."

L blinked several times. "I hid inside myself? Is that some kind of Zen thing?"

"You know very well what I mean, Ryuzaki."

There was a long, long silence.

"Yagami-_san_?" L's voice was very quiet, and you'd have to be listening hard to notice the tiny quiver in it. "What's happening to me?"

Soichiro blinked, not sure what L wanted to know. "How do you mean?"

"I keep feeling...strange. Really strange. Like...it's not pain, it's not pleasure, it's not really anything, but it's _there_."

Soichiro frowned, then placed a hand on L's forehead. L drew his head away slightly – although that could be because his thumb had come very close to the young man's eye, Soichiro admitted to himself – but kept still.

"Well, you're certainly not feverish and I can't think you've been into my beer – or my sake, for that matter – so you're not drunk either."

"Yeah, I know what drunk feels like, Yagami-_san_. Trust me, it's not that."

This was a little too much to swallow just at that moment. Soichiro dropped his hand and stared at L.

"_You_?"

"Yes; Watari liked a little sake in the evening. He was quite a connoisseur, but he always refused to let me try any. He said alcohol would impair my judgment and deductive reasoning."

_Well, he was certainly right about that one,_ Soichiro thought. Aloud he said, "What happened?"

"I picked the lock on his drinks cabinet when he was out and helped myself," L answered. "I was eighteen at the time and it was a sort of experiment. I decided I should try as many different varieties as possible to determine which one was the best. Yagami-_san_, I have never felt so bad in all my _life_."

Soichiro chuckled. "And is that because you felt guilty about stealing from Watari, or because of the hangover?"

"The hangover," L admitted.

"What did Watari say when he found out?"

"He didn't say much of anything, actually, until the next morning. He told me he'd been planning to give me a lecture about why I shouldn't drink his sake without his permission, but then he decided to let my head do it for him." There was a gleam in L's eyes which said that the sly humor of Watari's punishment had not escaped him, a gleam which disappeared as he added more seriously, "But I still don't know what this is. It's like a...a rush. Or something. It doesn't happen all the time, just sometimes. Mostly since I came to live with you." There was no accusation in his voice; he was just stating a fact.

Soichiro studied L a little more closely.

"Does your head hurt at all?" he asked.

L considered this. "Not really. But my heart does. Is this what it's like to have a heart attack?"

The older man couldn't help smiling a little. "No, Ryuzaki. This is what it's like to have emotions."

"Then why doesn't everyone feel like this?" L demanded.

Soichiro hesitated before answering. It seemed incredible that L had no clue about even the most basic things, but then, a lot of things about L seemed incredible.

Then again, if you'd lived for years keeping your emotions locked up so tightly even you couldn't access them, and then someone came along and released them, would you understand what was happening? On some level, Soichiro could understand what it was like not to feel emotions, and on a personal level he understood what it was like to feel them like a normal person, but what did it feel like to go from an emotion-free existence to suddenly experiencing the whole range? He'd heard about blind people who got their sight back only to go around with their eyes closed for the first few days, simply because that was the way they felt most comfortable navigating the world and because their brain couldn't cope with having a completely new sense to deal with all at once. Giving someone a new ability didn't automatically grant them the knowledge of how to use it.

"Ryuzaki," he said, choosing his words with the utmost care, "I'm not a psychologist, so this is just a theory—"

"Fine," L said immediately. "Theorize."

"I will when you stop interrupting," the father in Soichiro couldn't help saying. "As I was saying, this is just a theory, but I think it's because you've kept _everything_ locked up until finally it's bursting out. You'll have to get it all out of your system before you can get back on an even keel."

"Oh." L paused, then said, "How do I do that?"

Soichiro floundered for a few minutes, then said, "Well...some kind of emotional release often works."

"For example...?" L persisted.

_Oh well, he did ask_. "Crying helps."

The young man drew away from him, a look of distaste on his face. "_Crying_?"

"You were the one who told me it was alright to cry, Ryuzaki. You also told me that you did it yourself, when Watari wasn't around."

"Yes, when I was a child. It's different now that I'm older."

"I didn't mean you should burst into tears right this second," Soichiro pointed out. "I was just telling you the most effective way to get rid of everything that's accumulated inside you over the years."

"Really? Well, since you're in a talkative mood, Yagami-_san_, is there any chance you'll tell me what I should do in exchange for all this free advice, as well as the room and board?"

Soichiro took a deep breath. He'd spent a little while thinking up a good answer for when L next asked him that question, and now he thought he had it.

"Alright," he said flatly. "I confess. There _is_ something I want you to do in exchange for all this."

"Ah." Cynicism flickered across L's face, along with something that may have been relief. "I knew it. So what exactly is that something, Yagami-_san_?"

"Listen carefully, Ryuzaki, because I'm only going to say this once. In exchange for my taking you in and doing everything I've done for you, I want you to _stop_ asking me what I want in return!"

There was another, much longer silence, then L said, "Perhaps I phrased that badly. I didn't mean that I thought you were going to force me into anything. I meant...is there anything that I can do for you or your family? Because even if you claim I saved your life, I'm not comfortable accepting everything you've done for me as a...a gift."

Yet another silence.

"So what is it you want, Yagami-_san_?" L persisted. "Money? I have a knack for business investments. If you were to let me have, say, a hundred thousand yen to work with, I could make you and your family very rich."

Soichiro looked at him for a few minutes, then said in a level tone, "Did you make Watari very rich?"

"Yes," L said simply, then, "No. To be more accurate, I made him a lot of money from investments and the fees for my cases, but he was already very rich in his own right before he met me. Well, he'd have to be, if you think about it. Orphanages aren't cheap places to set up or to run, and Wammy's House wasn't the only one he had; it was just the only one that took the most exceptional children in the world. He set up plenty of others throughout the world. And he didn't do what he did just because he wanted money."

"No. I know." Soichiro did in fact believe this. Watari had been many things, but a mercenary certainly wasn't one of them. "And it's not why I'm doing what I'm doing either."

"But what _are_ you doing?" L persisted.

"Helping you." God, how many more times would they have to have this conversation before L trusted him?

"Yes, but _why_? Or let me put it another way, why are you all going so far out of your way to help me? If you think you owe me your life, I can understand why you'd want to pay back a debt like that, but what about Sachiko-_san_? I didn't save her life; I can't imagine Kira would have killed _her_, since she's not a criminal and he wasn't in any danger from her. I didn't even save her the pain of knowing the truth about Light, since Ryuk killed him before you could bring him in. Why is she getting in on the act?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "You can't seriously believe that my _wife_ is any kind of threat to you! You know she's worried about you."

An odd look appeared on L's face. "No, I didn't know that. How could I? And why is she?"

"She told me you said something strange to her yesterday. She said the two of you were discussing food, and you said that you thought her cooking would decrease your intelligence."

L cringed. "I'm sorry about that, Yagami-_san_. I don't think it came out right. I didn't mean to offend her."

"No, I know. And she's not offended. But you also said that that was alright, that you wanted to lose some of your intelligence."

The guilty look on L's face deepened. "I lied. I couldn't think of anything else to say. I'm not very good at social interactions, Yagami-_san_."

That was the understatement of the century, Soichiro thought but didn't say.

"Then you know it wasn't true, what you were told as a child about sugar making you more intelligent."

He braced himself for the eruption, but none came. Instead L hesitated, then said, "Yes, I know. But Watari must have believed it, otherwise why would he have said it?"

"Watari didn't know everything," was as far as Soichiro was willing to go on that one. He had his own theories as to why Watari would have wanted to keep L on such a poor diet, one theory being far more sinister – and, thankfully, far less plausible – than the other, and neither of which he thought L was ready to hear yet.

"No," L agreed reluctantly. "I suppose not. But I'm still not clear about what's going on."

Soichiro thought and leaned back in his chair, trying to come up with an answer that L would understand. At last he said, "You remember yesterday, when you told me you were going to offer to reimburse Sachiko for the clothes she bought you?"

"Yes."

"Why did you do that? You didn't ask her to buy them."

L fidgeted, actually going so far as to extend one leg and sit semi-normally before curling it back into his body with a wince.

"I don't know," he said at last. "It just...seemed right. She barely knows me, so there's no reason for her to buy me things."

"You needed those things, Ryuzaki."

"I'm not denying that." A small, self-deprecating gleam appeared in L's eyes. "Quite how you and your family have been able to tolerate having someone in your house who's been wearing the same clothes for over a year is a mystery to me. I also have no money of my own, so it was a given that one of you would have to pay for anything I needed. But we're not family, Yagami-_san_, and your wife doesn't know me all that well. I've done nothing but eat your food, occupy your couch and run up your electricity bill without being able to do anything to earn my keep, so I don't think my offer to reimburse Sachiko-_san_ for the clothes could be considered inappropriate."

"No, it wasn't inappropriate at all. But did you do it because you thought it was what I wanted to hear?" _Come on, Ryuzaki, you're a smart kid, I know you understand, just let me hear you say it..._

"No, I just...I don't know. Like I said, it seemed the right thing to do."

_Finally_! "And do you think you're the only person in the world who would do something because it struck him as the right thing to do?" Soichiro asked rhetorically.

"_Everyone_ thinks what they're doing is the right thing to do, Yagami-_san_. Even Kira meant well at the beginning. All he wanted was to change the—" L broke off abruptly, then continued in a much quieter voice, "—world. He wanted to change it for the better."

Soichiro paused, gathering his thoughts, then said in a very quiet voice, "Ryuzaki, did you ever sympathize with Kira?"

"Yes." Simply, no excuses. "I could understand exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it. In a way, we both dedicated ourselves to eradicating criminals. He was just a little less restrained in his methods."

"Would you have used the Death Note like Kira did?"

L tilted his head back as he thought about this. At last he sighed.

"I don't know. I think...there's one thing that Kira overlooked."

"What's that?"

"Not all criminals are guilty. I mean, look at what happened to Toshikazu Sugaya. It's lucky Kira never got around to writing _his_ name in the Death Note; seventeen years' wrongful imprisonment is bad enough without throwing a _shinigami_ into the mix. But at least he could be released once they discovered his innocence. How many times did Kira take the word of the media as gospel? How many innocent, wrongly accused people do you think died? That's why I wouldn't use the Death Note like he did, Yagami-_san_, because I could never be sure enough that the criminal I was condemning was guilty."

Soichiro stared at him, truly shocked. He'd never thought about that aspect of Light's actions before. He wondered if Light had.

"Anyway," L said after a pause that went on a little too long, "let's talk about something more positive. Sayu-_san_'s tennis match, for example. Am I still invited?"

"What?" Soichiro blinked. "Yes. Of course you are."

L smiled quietly. "Good. However, I feel it's only fair to warn you that I sit in cars and in public the same way I sit everywhere else. If you'd prefer not to take me along knowing that, that's fine. Or if you find it embarrassing, I won't be offended if you pretend you don't know me. Just tell me so that I won't accidentally talk to you."

This seemed the perfect opening to ask something Soichiro had always wanted to know, and so he said, "Why _do_ you sit like that, Ryuzaki?"

"My deductive skills drop by forty percent if I sit any other way."

"It must put a lot of strain on your legs though."

"Yagami-_san_, after everything I've been through, if the worst thing that happens to me is cramp, then I think I'm ahead of the game. There are still people out there who would love to kill me, you know."

"Do these people know your name? Your _real_ name?" Soichiro paused, then dared a little more. "Do _you_ know your real name? The name your parents gave you? Can you remember it?"

"Yes. It's the only thing from my past that I _do_ remember. I decided that even if I forgot everything else, I would remember my name. It wasn't much of a rebellion, but knowing that I knew my name made me feel better about myself. Keeping secrets enables you to keep your self-respect."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Who told you that?"

"Nobody. I figured it out for myself."

"Secrets aren't healthy, Ryuzaki."

L didn't look at him as he replied, "Oh really? Well, in that case, why don't you tell me all about the first time you and Sachiko had sex? And don't leave anything out; I want every single detail."

Soichiro rose to his feet. "_What_ did you say?"

"Secrets aren't healthy, Yagami-_san_." There was a mocking look on L's face as he threw Soichiro's own words back at him. "If you really believe that, then why are you so angry? By your own philosophy, it would be detrimental to your well-being not to answer my question, so why won't you?"

When Soichiro was speechless, L continued. "Alright, I'll tell you why: because some secrets are too special to be shared. Sharing something lessens its effect, whether it's a secret or a bottle of _sake_. I doubt you and Sachiko-_san_ have ever discussed it with each other, let alone a stranger like me, because even that would cheapen it. You've probably never even thought about it until a few moments ago. You've never needed to; just knowing it happened is enough. And no matter what you've said to me so far, if I were to force that secret out of you, you would hate me like you've never hated anybody before. Am I right?"

"Yes," Soichiro admitted. There didn't seem to be any other answer he could give.

"It's the same thing. Saying something because you choose to is one thing. But no one likes being forced into things, Yagami-_san_, whether it's doing them or saying them. And going back to what we were talking about before, I sit this way no matter where I am."

"Can you wear a seatbelt in that position?"

Something flickered in L's eyes. "I really don't like anything that restricts my movement, Yagami-_san_, but...yes. If that's what you want."

"It's not what I want so much as what the law requires, Ryuzaki."

"Oh? I thought you _were_ the law."

Soichiro shot him a look – L's innocent expression was just a little bit _too_ innocent – but refrained from comment.

"Besides," L continued in a more serious tone, "I wore one in your car when you drove me down from Aomori, remember? You wouldn't move until I agreed to put it on."

"Yes, I remember," Soichiro answered. Given how L had spent most of that journey pressed against the car door, the older man doubted the seatbelt would have been of much use, but L _had_ put it on without complaining. Of course, he'd been ill at the time, but at least it looked like there'd be one less problem to deal with...

* * *

It turned out to be a pleasant day by the normal standards of a Tokyo summer. A breeze cut through the humidity, making the heat bearable. Perfect tennis weather, Soichiro thought, although he'd never played the game himself (basketball had always been his sport as a student). Even L seemed more animated than before, looking around him with interest.

_What the hell,_ Soichiro thought, _he's probably been just as bored cooped up inside my house as he was in Watari's_. More so, if you took into account the fact that Watari had at least given L plenty of work to keep him occupied.

With a feeling very much akin to shock, Soichiro realized that L was almost healthy again.

Well...sort of healthy, anyway. The young man had made a rapid recovery, and although he was still coughing on occasion, he wasn't bringing anything up. He was, however, still severely underweight, so much so that he was drawing one or two sympathetic glances from other people.

_And that's just the physical side of things. Emotionally, I don't think he's anywhere near ready to survive on his own. What happens if he has a 'bad day' when he's alone, starts cooking something and sets fire to the place_?

_No, don't be stupid. He knows when they're coming and he knows what happens. The worst case scenario is that he wouldn't eat or drink anything for that day._

_Then what do I do_? Soichiro thought back irritably. A patter of clapping drew his attention back to the game, where Rie Imamura had just won the first set against Sayu.

_Tell him. A deal's a deal._

_It hasn't been three days yet. That was the deal. Three days._

_Well, unless he's planning the mother of all relapses, it'll be three days soon enough. You have to mention it to him, at least._

Soichiro glanced at L, who seemed riveted by the game, then turned his attention back to the court again.

_Alright. But not now. Not in public; this really isn't the time. I'll talk to him as soon as we're back home and I can get him alone_.

"Excuse me?"

Startled, Soichiro looked around to see a pretty young student addressing L.

"Excuse me," she repeated, "but can you please not sit like that? Your sneakers are making the chair dirty."

L glanced up at the girl and smiled. "Ah. Of course. I apologize."

Reaching down, he pulled his sneakers off one at a time and placed them carefully down on the ground, then returned to perching on his bare feet.

Soichiro had to admire the girl's composure; she only hesitated for a split second before saying, "Thank you. And if I could also ask you not to actually stand on the chair at any time; we had an accident last time with a man who did that and my employer is very keen to avoid any repetitions."

"Wrong. There was no accident and your employer didn't tell you to say that; you're just making it up so I won't take offense at your telling me what to do," L answered calmly. "And I had no intention of standing on the chair at all. I realize this may be rather inconvenient for you and I apologize, but I have severe back problems following an injury and this is the only position I've found that doesn't hurt." He smiled again. "I'm sure you understand."

"Of course I do."

A small part of Soichiro seriously doubted _that_, but L's excuse seemed to pass muster; the girl nodded and walked off.

"I thought you sat like that because your deductive ability dropped if you sat any other way," Soichiro said in a very low voice, as soon as she was out of earshot.

L kept his eyes glued to the tennis court as he answered, "Yes, but I didn't think she would accept that as a valid reason. And before you point out that I'm not on a case here, please allow _me_ to point out that I wasn't lying when I said that sitting normally is very painful for me, which I imagine is _why_ my deductive ability drops when I try it. If I sit this way, my back is supported on my knees. If I sit any other way, it puts a lot of strain on those muscles."

There was a silence.

"What did the doctors say?" Sachiko asked.

L blinked away from the tennis court, frowning a little. "Doctors?"

"After your injury. Did they say you'd be able to stand normally again?"

"Injury? What—oh. There was no injury, Sachiko-_san_. I lied. It seemed more plausible than telling her the truth, that this was something that just happened to me." L shifted from one foot to the other, wincing slightly.

"Does it hurt when you walk?"

"Not much. All the time I'm moving, it's not too bad, although running can be problematic. In my last case, I ended up hurtling up a flight of steps and jumping onto an airplane to rescue a ten year old girl. Of course, when I finally woke up from some much-needed sleep, my back had seized up and I couldn't move."

Sachiko frowned slightly. "I thought your last case was the Kira one."

"No; I took on another one immediately after that. I solved it, but that was when I decided to retire for good. It just...didn't seem worth it any more." He stared at the game, although whether he was actually watching it was debatable. "Nothing did."

Sachiko made a sympathetic face and patted him on the shoulder. "I understand."

"No you don't," L answered. "But thank you."

"What happened to—" Sachiko began, but L interrupted.

"Hey, you know what? I think Sayu's going to win this set. Let's watch."

Sayu did win the set, and, after a long, drawn-out battle, the final set after that, giving her the match. Picking up her things, she came to rejoin her family and settled down next to L, who promptly offered her his bottle of water.

Sayu took it and gulped down several mouthfuls.

"Congratulations," L told her. "You played well."

"Thanks." Sayu was still breathing rapidly. "I don't know how I hit some of those; I wish I could return serves like Imamura-_san_."

"You're doing fine," Soichiro said. "Ryuzaki's right; you played very well."

"Thanks, but...I just don't get it. I hit the ball squarely just like Imamura-_san_ does, so where am I going wrong?"

There was a short pause and then, to everyone's surprise, L spoke up.

"You're holding your racket too tightly. Loosen your grip until a few seconds before you hit the ball, then tighten it just enough to stop the racket flying out of your hands. Also, try a closed stance when you're chasing the ball."

"A what stance?" Sayu said dubiously.

L pushed himself to his feet and jumped down from his chair to stand next to Sayu.

"Crouch down with your weight on your back foot. Aim the racket handle and your off arm at the ball. When you hit it, step forward – not sideways – then just extend your racket and follow through. Oh, and make sure to keep your head as still as possible, otherwise it may affect your balance."

"What if it doesn't work?"

L shrugged. "Then you can go back to playing the way you did and you'll be no worse off than you are now. Either way, what do you have to lose?"

"You seem to know a lot about tennis," Sachiko said, as Sayu went through the closed stance in the background a little too enthusiastically and almost clobbered another student in the face.

"I played a lot as a child. I was the British Junior Champion for a few years until my back got too bad and I had to stop."

_So you weren't born like that_, Soichiro thought. Aloud he said, "Can't you play at all?"

"Not very easily. I'm fine during the game itself, but if I stretch too much and too often trying to reach a ball, I can't move the next day. In the long run, I thought it was a lot less painful to just quit."

"Does it hurt you to stand up straight?" Sachiko asked.

"Yes. A lot. I can do it for you if you want, but I can't hold the position for very long."

"Don't be silly, Ryuzaki-_san_, of course I don't want you to—"

The loud jangle of Soichiro's cell phone cut her off, as well as drawing irritated looks from the people around them.

Soichiro thought a word that he wouldn't ever say aloud in private, let alone in public, and pulled his phone out of his pocket, noticing the number of the office with no real surprise. He'd told them not to call unless it was an absolute emergency. The fact that someone was getting in touch now meant that something very nasty had happened, or that Tatenaka was about to yell some more nonsense at him. Neither prospect appealed.

Flipping open the phone, he held it up to his ear, keeping his voice low. "Yagami."

"Yagami-_bucho_, it's Aizawa. I'm sorry to disturb you, but you know the murder in Arakawa?"

Soichiro snapped onto red alert instantly. "Yes?"

There was a pause, then Aizawa said in a quiet voice that Soichiro didn't like at all, "There's been another. In Chiyoda."

* * *

**Sorry for the slightly longer wait; I had to negotiate Wifi in the hotel before I could really get back to work on this :) Hope you enjoyed it and as always, reviews are appreciated :)**


	9. Revelations

**Mystery Reviewers: **Thanks XD

**Soysauce: **Heh, thanks :) And here is more, as you commanded ;)

* * *

**JUNE 6**

It was identical to the first in every respect except the victim. This time the killer had targeted a twelve year old girl – Yuka Hyuga – and left her body on the table, just like Chikako's, although this time he or she had draped a tablecloth over her...a tablecloth that Soichiro had to remove.

_Female again, _Soichiro thought as he stared at the body, stomach turning over slowly (the stink of blood and death in this room was overpowering, even to a veteran officer like himself). Did the victim's gender have some kind of special significance? Or was it just a coincidence?

Next to him, Yamamura, one of the newer members of the NPA – Soichiro had only brought him along to give the kid some experience – took one look at the dead child, then turned and stumbled out of the Hyugas' front door, where he proceeded to vomit into their front yard.

_Oh wonderful,_ Soichiro thought savagely._ That's really going to help matters. I should have brought Matsuda; he's a hothead but at least he's not squeamish. _In fact, Matsuda had wanted to come, but he'd also made the mistake of saying he wanted a closer look at the body, and Soichiro didn't trust him to take that look in a respectful manner.

"Please forgive our colleague," Aizawa said in a smooth voice. "I'm afraid he's very new to this. However, he is one of the best in his field."

This was irrefutable. However, since Yamamura's field happened to be forgery (he'd only transferred to the serious crime department last Tuesday) Soichiro hoped that the Hyugas wouldn't probe this too closely.

"Hyuga-_san_...was your daughter covered with the tablecloth when you found her?" he asked.

Hyuga shook his head. "No. We did that ourselves because...you know."

Soichiro nodded. Yes, he did know. And the fact that the Hyugas' desire to preserve their twelve year old daughter's modesty (and, if you wanted to be brutal about it, to keep the flies off her) had led to their own DNA and hairs and fibers from that damn tablecloth being mixed up with anything already there probably wouldn't have entered their heads.

Aizawa glanced up from where he was checking for prints.

"Whatever did this was something the killer brought with them. There are a few different prints here, and anyone sophisticated enough to set this thing up would be sophisticated enough to wipe away any prints."

"He could have worn gloves," Hyuga argued.

"That would have distorted the fingerprints already present. I don't think the murder weapon's here."

"We'll need to take the body for a post-mortem." Soichiro spoke as respectfully as he could.

Hyuga's wife – who seemed to be holding things together a little better than her husband – stared at him.

"Why? I thought you only did that when you weren't sure of the cause of death."

"Hyuga-_san_, you and your husband were in the room upstairs. You would have heard if your daughter made any kind of noise. And this cut is perfectly straight. Even if your daughter moved around a little, it would have been a little more erratic, and nobody could lie still while something like this was being done."

"Are you saying she was already dead when...?" Hope, a terrible, ghastly hope, began to bloom in the father's eyes.

"I'm saying it's the most likely scenario, yes. Whoever did this may have given her some kind of lethal injection, killing her before she could cry out, and then proceeded to finish the job."

"We also found a needle mark on the neck of the previous victim," Aizawa interjected, "but the drug had left her system by then. Please keep that to yourself though; we don't want it made public yet. We can send a team around to collect your daughter."

There was a long pause, then Hyuga nodded once, reluctantly.

"Alright. You can...go ahead."

"Thank you," Soichiro told him. Hyuga's consent wasn't strictly necessary, but it made things a hell of a lot easier. "Excuse me; I'll inform my colleague. He'll make all the necessary arrangements."

This was a lie – Soichiro would make the arrangements himself, or have an experienced officer like Aizawa or Ueda do it – but he wanted, no, _needed_ some fresh air. Needed to flush that rich, metallic stench of blood out of his nostrils.

To his surprise, Aizawa followed him.

"Yagami-_bucho—_"

On second thoughts, maybe it wasn't all that surprising.

"No," Soichiro interrupted, correctly guessing the end of the sentence. "I won't get Ryuzaki involved. I promised him."

Aizawa stared at him. "Oh wonderful. Girls – _children –_ are getting brutally murdered and we have at our disposal the one person who could catch the bastards behind this, but we can't ask him for help because you _promised _him!"

"_Aizawa_..."

"How many more, Yagami-_bucho_?" Aizawa kept his voice too low for anyone else to overhear, but there was no mistaking the venom there. "How many more children are you going to let die before you decide that maybe, just _maybe_, saving their lives is a little more important than some damn promise that _you_ made to some damn freak! A freak who, let's face it, probably has no understanding of the word _promise_ anyway!"

Turning, Aizawa stalked away to the waiting car, leaving Soichiro full of conflicting thoughts that he couldn't find the words to express.

* * *

It was a quarter to one in the morning when Soichiro finally got home. He'd made the arrangements for the post-mortem, reassured Yamamura that it was fine, that plenty of people threw up on their first case like this, fended off Matsuda's constant requests that he be allowed to examine _this_ body, and then spent the rest of the time going over the reports, statements, _anything_ that he thought might shed some light on this.

Nothing worked, however, and in the end Soichiro had left the few members of the department who were on the night shift - including Matsuda - and gone home in the hopes that things would look clearer on a few hours' sleep.

The first thing he noticed when he dragged himself through his front door was that the couch was empty and that L had migrated to the kitchen. To be precise, he had migrated to the top of the kitchen counter, a large mug of coffee beside him.

"Good evening, Yagami-_san,_" he said without looking around.

Soichiro stared at what L was holding for a long time, then took a deep breath.

"Ryuzaki," he said slowly, "I like to think of myself as a fair man who always keeps an open mind about things. You have my word that I will do my best to keep an open mind about this, so will you _please_ explain to me what the hell you think you're doing with those binoculars!"

"I'm using them to look through the window of the house next door," L answered. Reaching down without looking, he picked up his coffee and took a sip.

"_Why_?"

"Because they have cable TV."

It was a better answer than _I want to see what they're doing in there_, but it still wasn't good.

"_Ryuzaki_..."

"It's alright, Yagami-_san_, they've put subtitles on."

Soichiro folded his arms and stared hard at the back of L's head.

"And you think that makes it alright, do you? You can't just spy on people like that!" Soichiro grabbed his binoculars from L, who looked up at him with a baffled expression.

"I'm not spying on them, Yagami-_san_. I'm just watching their TV. You let me watch _your_ TV. I fail to see the difference."

"The _difference_, Ryuzaki, is that _I_ know you're doing it! How would you feel if complete strangers were spying on you and watching _your_ every move?"

"Complete strangers always _were_ spying on me and watching my every move, or trying to. Why do you think Watari moved me around so much?" L attempted to grab the binoculars again but Soichiro held them out of reach.

"It's not something we do in polite society."

"But I'm not polite," L pointed out. "Nor am I particularly sociable."

Soichiro reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to alleviate the headache he could feel building.

"Ryuzaki, I'm too tired to argue with you right now so I'm just going to lay it on the line. Do _not_ use my binoculars – or anyone _else's _binoculars – to watch next door's TV!"

L rocked back on his heels with a sigh that Soichiro considered to be needlessly long-suffering. "Oh al_right_. I was getting bored with that show anyway."

"_Or_ to watch anything _else _that might be going on next door!"

"How about birds? Can I use your binoculars to watch birds?"

Soichiro took another long, deep breath.

"If you mean wild birds in the sky or in our own garden, then yes, you're very welcome to," he answered. "If, however, you're referring to next-door's budgies which _happen_ to be in the same room as the TV—"

L chuckled, no trace of shame on his features. "You're getting good, Yagami-_san. _Alright. I still don't see what the problem is, but I won't watch other people's TV through binoculars anymore."

"Good. Thank you." Soichiro glanced around the otherwise deserted kitchen. "I take it Sachiko and Sayu are in bed?"

L, who was now attempting to watch the neighbors' TV _without_ binoculars and with his nose pressed against the glass, didn't look around as he replied, "It's quarter to one in the morning, Yagami-_san_. What do _you_ think?"

Well, alright, that was a rather stupid question. Soichiro opted for a more intelligent one.

"Who won the tennis?"

"Akemi Kotohiki. Sayu-_san_ did very well though; she placed third overall."

"Was she very upset at my leaving?"

L turned his head enough to look at Soichiro over his shoulder. "No. She was disappointed, but she understood. At least, I'm approximately thirteen percent certain that she did."

"Only thirteen percent?"

"Yagami-_san_, I am the greatest detective the world has ever known. In fact, I'm three of the greatest detectives the world has ever known, but we won't go into that now. I am fluent in over twenty languages and an expert on any subject you care to name."

"I see."

"However, the way girls think is still a complete mystery to me. So yes. Only thirteen percent. And while we're on the subject of mysteries, what's the latest news on the murder case?" L added.

"I'm sorry, Ryuzaki. Since you're not working with the NPA, I'm not allowed to discuss it with you."

The young man shrugged. "Suit yourself. Just remember, Yagami-_san_, I can solve this case as soon as you ask me to. I take it it _is_ the one where the bodies had their hearts removed?"

"Yes," Soichiro admitted. There didn't seem much point in denying it.

"Can you at least tell me where you went? Or should I call Matsuda and ask him?"

The older man glanced at L. "Even Matsuda knows better than to share confidential information."

L smiled, the delicious smile of someone who knows he's got a secret.

"Well, he _would_, if he _knew_ it was confidential," he pointed out. "However, you went from the tennis match straight to the murder site, and from there back to the NPA headquarters where I believe you had very little to say to Matsuda, although I think it likely he had plenty to say to _you_. I don't believe you turned to him at any point and told him that everything that happened today was to be kept strictly within the NPA building. I know you trust his loyalty, Yagami-_san_, and you're right to, but the question right now is...do you trust his judgment?"

Soichiro looked at him for a long time. Then he said, "You've already called him, haven't you?"

The smile became a grin. "Yes. I just wanted to know where you'd shot off to in such a hurry." L rocked back, staring at the ceiling. "So. The first murder took place in Arakawa. The second in Chiyoda. Question is, what about the third?"

"You think there's going to be a third, do you?"

"_You_ do, Yagami-_san_. This is not the random, wild act of a normal serial killer. They tend to be rather better at hiding the bodies, yet these people were murdered in their own homes, mere feet away from their families. The deliberate nature of these acts indicates that the acts themselves are premeditated, although the victims don't seem to be. I won't insult you by asking if you've begun looking into any connection between the two bodies, as I know that's the first thing you'll have done."

Soichiro leaned back in his chair, staring at L.

"Oh, Yagami-_san_." L's voice was silky smooth. "Let's not waste valuable time arguing over who owes who what, or whether or not asking for help compromises those principles that you hold so dear. There's a murderer out there."

The older man took a deep breath.

"Ryuzaki...if you happen to form a solid theory about who's behind this or if you spot something that the NPA missed—"

"_If_!"

"—then I'll listen to anything you have to tell me," Soichiro went on, ignoring L's scornful interjection. "But I'm not letting you on the investigation team."

L studied him for a few moments, then said, "Why?"

"Because frankly, after everything you've been through, I'm not sure you're mentally _or _emotionally strong enough to cope with being thrown back in the deep end with the whole world demanding answers and wanting to know why you haven't solved this yet."

His words hit home; L wilted visibly, then said in a much quieter voice, "Yes, I see. But...it would only be _one_ case, Yagami-_san_. Wouldn't it?"

The question wasn't entirely rhetorical and Soichiro nodded. "If I agreed to let you in, yes, but that's not going to happen. I can't stop you investigating by yourself, but I can stop you being a part of the main investigation."

L drew his head back, tilting it slowly from side to side as he stared at Soichiro. At last he said, "Do you _want_ to catch whoever's behind this?"

"Of course I do. But I'm not going to sacrifice you or put you in danger to do it. It's not worth that."

L continued studying him, an odd, unsettled look on his face.

"I wish I understood your view of the world better, Yagami-_san_."

"You're doing fine, Ryuzaki."

"Am I?" Still that same uncertainty. "Maybe sometimes. Other times I have no idea what's going on in your head at all."

Well, that made them pretty much even as far as Soichiro was concerned.

"Do you think – honestly – that you could find out who's doing this in time to stop the third murder?" he asked. "Could you guarantee that if you got involved, there would _be_ no third murder?"

L wilted even further. "No. I'm sorry, but no. There isn't enough information yet."

"That's why. Burning yourself out if it would bring us the head of whoever's behind this before the next murder is one thing, but since there's no way you can guarantee that, you could drive yourself to a nervous breakdown and it would all be for nothing. I'm not going to put that level of pressure on you. It wouldn't be right."

"You were less considerate during the Kira case."

Soichiro was silent for a few minutes as this hit home, then he said quietly, "I didn't understand during the Kira case."

"No, you understood fine, Yagami-_san_. You just didn't care. You were prepared to drive me – oh, and yourself, I'll admit that – into the ground trying to find a shred of evidence that went against what I'd already told you. It was such a mania with you that there were times when I was afraid to present you with _any _evidence, just in case you snapped and beat me to a pulp for daring to imply such a thing about your family."

Soichiro stared at him, shocked to the heart.

"Ryuzaki, I would _never_ do anything like that!"

"Yes, I know that _now_. But I didn't know any of you back then. The only thing I knew was that you all considered me a freak and if I pissed you off – _really_ pissed you off – the task force could have turned very nasty." L shrugged. "It's happened to me before, only being on the other end of the computer meant that when it got too much to cope with, I could simply pull the plug and blame the internet connection."

"And Watari was alright with that?"

"It was his idea, so I presume so. If he thought things were getting too bad or I was getting too upset, he'd do it himself. But when you and your task force were living in my hotel suite, pulling the plug wasn't an option." The young man tilted his head very slightly on one side. "I wasn't entirely sure who would win in a fight between us, Yagami-_san_ – and I'm still not – but since you happened to have your gun and I didn't have mine, it was hardly going to be a fair match."

"Yours?" Soichiro echoed. "You...Ryuzaki, is _that_ what you wanted to bring from Osaka?"

"No! I mean, that is where I left it, but I'm not stupid enough to think you're going to let me bring an illegal weapon into your house."

Soichiro stared at him. "Where exactly is this illegal weapon?"

"In the staircase leading down into my room. The third step from the bottom is hollow. There's a small hole in the far right corner; you'll need something to hook it and lift it up. I used to use a coat hanger."

The deputy director raised his eyebrows. "That's very cooperative of you."

L shrugged. "Well, since you promised not to force me into any more detective work, I can't think I'm going to need it, so if you want to confiscate it or tip off some of your police friends in Osaka, that's just fine with me. I did think about going back to get it once the deadline passed and I realized I wasn't going to die, but it didn't seem like a good idea. Like I said, I couldn't imagine what I'd use it for. I decided to leave it where it was and I got the first train out of Tokyo, before anyone came back and discovered I hadn't died after all."

"Where did you go?"

"Gifu."

Soichiro blinked.

"Gifu?" he echoed.

"Yes."

"Why _Gifu_?"

L shrugged. "Because I'd never been there. The NPA thought I was dead. Watari wasn't going to organize some other case for me. For the first time in my life, I was free to do what I wanted, and what I wanted to do was visit Gifu. It's a lovely prefecture, actually. Though it would be even better with a beach."

Soichiro stared at the young man for a few minutes, then asked the question that he thought someone should have asked L a long time ago.

"Did you _want_ to be a detective?"

"Of course not." L's voice was tinged with contempt, as though Soichiro had just asked the stupidest question in the world.

"Then what did you want to do?"

L was silent for a long time, thinking it over. Eventually he said seriously, "I don't know. No one ever asked me that before. What else is there?"

Soichiro opened his mouth, then closed it, at a loss for where to begin.

"You're saying you became a detective because you didn't know of the existence of any other profession?"

"That's not what I'm saying at all, Yagami-_san_. It's just...they were like becoming Prime Minister of Japan. I know someone has that job. I know you probably need some kind of training for it. I just don't know what it involves and how you go about getting it because I assumed I'd never _need_ to know. Wammy's House was very isolated, right out in the country. Once we were there, we only ever left if we had to go to the hospital. All lessons were carried out there, we even had our own dentists."

"You must have gone out sometimes."

"The older kids may have done. I was thirteen when Watari decided I was ready to start work as a detective and took me out of the House, so I don't know what it's like for the sixteen or seventeen year olds who lived there."

Soichiro stared at L, appalled. "They put you to work when you were _thirteen_? Didn't you get any say in this?"

The young man raised his eyebrows. "How much say in your life did _you_ get when you were thirteen, Yagami-_san_?"

"What was your first case?"

"With Watari? Triple murder in Scotland. Well, double murder. It only turned into a triple because I was new to the job and didn't work it out fast enough." He was silent for a long time. Soichiro didn't dare say anything for fear of breaking the moment. At last L spoke again.

"They called him the Cheek Murderer. When I saw the body – the third body that is, the first two had already been released for burial by the time I arrived – I understood why. It was an eleven year old girl; the guy disemboweled her and tore her lips and cheeks off. I could see her jaw, every one of her teeth. I had to go in and examine the body for clues, every inch of it, even though I just wanted to run when I first saw it." Pause, then quietly, "I've never forgotten her face. I still dream about it sometimes. And I had to talk to her parents via a computer, watching them through a built-in webcam, and apologize for not being dedicated enough to find the killer in time and explain that it was my fault this had happened." Longer pause. "I've never forgotten their faces either. How they just...collapsed."

"And you were thirteen."

"Yes."

Soichiro shook his head, unable to find any words. He'd gone on a few calls to break bad news to families, and he didn't know of any officer, no matter how long they'd been serving, who wouldn't rather give up two weeks' pay than have _that_ particular duty.

_Thirteen_. At thirteen, L should have been studying and hanging out with his friends, not breaking news of that caliber to a grieving family, much less shouldering the responsibility for what had happened. Even Japanese police didn't have that kind of burden until they'd been in the force for a couple of years and had the training and the experience to cope with it.

"Ryuzaki. Listen to me. It was not your fault."

"What do you _mean_, it wasn't my fault? I was distracted, I was sloppy and if I'd been more on the ball, then that kid would still be alive! Watari was right. I might just as well have killed her myself."

Watari had said _that_? To a thirteen year old boy?

"He had no right to tell you that," Soichiro said very quietly.

"He had every right! And he _didn't_ tell me that, at least not in so many words. He just...implied it."

"_How_ did he imply it?"

"That's none of your damn business! Anyway, he's supposed to say things like that to me! That's his _job_!"

_Wonderful; he's exploding again. That's all I need_.

"What exactly was that job, Ryuzaki? When I saw him in that hotel, he always seemed like more of a servant to you than anything. Like some kind of butler."

"Of course. Watari's job is—"

"_Was_," Soichiro interrupted. "He's gone, Ryuzaki."

"_I know that_!"

Soichiro refused to get angry. "I'm not sure you do, not all the time. What was his job?"

"He _was—_" heavy emphasis— "my handler. His job was to make sure I had everything I needed whenever I needed it, so I could concentrate on solving cases without having to bother about trivialities like food."

Soichiro barely paid any attention to this, his entire mind transfixed by one word.

"Your _handler_?"

He thought he did a good job of keeping his face and voice neutral, but some of his feelings must have shown through because L glared at him.

"What now, Yagami-_san_? You don't like my choice of words?"

"No, I don't," Soichiro answered candidly. "Animals have _handlers_, Ryuzaki. People don't."

"They do if they came out of Wammy's House. It's not peculiar to me. I mean, not every kid gets one, just those of us who are assigned letters. There are plenty of talented, gifted kids who came out the House and went on to live normal lives. Well, not exactly normal in the sense of working in the supermarket," L amended, "but considering how many of us there are, surprisingly few of us go on to become detectives or field agents. You've heard of Linda Skeerig?"

"Who hasn't?" Soichiro answered. Linda Skeerig was a sixteen year old who had taken the art world by storm, specializing in the kind of amazingly detailed landscapes you could stare at for hours and still notice new things. He wasn't entirely sure what this had to do with L, but at least the young man seemed to be calming down a little.

L nodded. "Exactly. She was one of us. Amazingly talented painter, and Wammy's House used its connections to get her private tuition and put her work in front of people who really mattered. She's got a fantastic career ahead of her now, one she probably wouldn't have had without the House. But...even now I wonder if it's what she wanted to do."

Soichiro was quiet for a few moments, then said, "I don't have any kind of gift like that, so I can't say for sure. But I've met one or two people that do, and from what they say, if you have a serious talent for something like art or writing or music, it's impossible _not_ to use it. If it's what she wanted, good. If she just wanted it as a hobby, she now has a hobby she can make money out of, or not. The House can't force her to sell her paintings. It just gave her the training she needed to have the option. For her, I think it was a good thing."

L looked away. "Yeah...maybe. I guess. But they don't all turn out like that. It...the House twists some people. People like B. The idea...it was created to train my successor. Watari wasn't an idiot; he knew there was a risk one of my enemies would catch up with me sooner or later."

Soichiro studied him for a few minutes, then said quietly, "Didn't you tell me _you_ grew up in Wammy's House?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"So how could it have been created to train your replacement, when you were there at a time when the great detective L wasn't yet around? How could Watari have known a replacement would be necessary?"

Unease flickered across L's face. "I don't know. You don't ask questions like that, okay? Wammy's House...it just _is_. Maybe Watari changed the function of it." There was a very long silence, then L said, "You...were right in what you said before, Yagami-_san_. About the pressure." The words sounded forced, as though each one left a foul taste in the young man's mouth. "One kid...he couldn't take it. He was the first that Watari tried to have trained as my successor."

"What happened to him?" Soichiro asked in the same quiet voice. The question was unnecessary – he knew full well what had happened to the poor kid L was referring to, or at least he could make a damn good guess – but a small part of him suggested that L needed to hear himself say it.

"He killed himself. Jumped head-first off the roof. I think...I think he wanted to make sure it worked, you know? Wanted to make sure he didn't just end up with a pair of broken legs."

"What was his name?"

L shrugged. "No idea. He was just A to everyone. The first thing they do when you arrive at Wammy's House is strip you of your name and assign you a new designation. Mine was L, short for Lawliet. I don't know what his was. The staff didn't often get angry with us, but if you tried to use your real name, boy were you in trouble. It's done to protect us."

_No it's not_, Soichiro thought, an odd numbness spreading through his body. _It's done to dehumanize you. Take away someone's identity and it becomes so much easier to control that person._

"How did Watari take the news?" he asked.

L frowned. "Of the suicide? I don't know. He seemed very upset that I'd found out, but I don't know how he felt about it on a personal level. I told you, we didn't go in for the whole heart-to-heart thing."

Soichiro nodded. "Well, I expect he made a lot of changes. Took some of the pressure off the other kids."

The young man was silent and Soichiro let it go at that. The fact that L had felt able to open up this much about Wammy's House spoke volumes. Or...no, to be honest, he didn't think L had had a choice. He'd locked things up inside himself for so long that they were beginning to leak out around the edges.

_Whatever. It's enough for now. Move on, give him time to come to terms with it._

Raising his eyebrows, Soichiro strove for a casual tone as he said, "So I suppose you already know who's behind these murders?"

L gave him a quick, grateful glance. "That would be impossible at such an early stage, Yagami-_san, _even for me. But based on the information in the papers, I have built up several potential profiles of the killers. If you want me to narrow it down to one, I'll need unrestricted access to this latest corpse and all subsequent ones."

The older man scrutinized him through narrowed eyes. "What do you mean, _all subsequent ones_?"

"Examining those will tell me whether they were killed in exactly the same way as this one, and _that_ will tell me whether you're dealing with a small group or a large one." L sipped at his coffee, grimaced and tipped it into the sink, then hopped off the counter and started making himself a fresh cup. "Nobody can mimic another person's action exactly. If more than one person is doing this, there will be discrepancies in the killings."

"That wasn't what I meant. How many more murders do you think these people are planning to commit?"

"A great many, Yagami-_san_. I don't think the murderer is just going to get the whole serial-killing thing out of his system and then move on to stamp collecting or something. No, whoever's behind this is doing it for a reason."

That wasn't very reassuring, even though Soichiro had to admit it made perfect sense.

"Have you ever encountered this kind of thing before?" he asked.

L tipped his head back, thinking.

"No," he said finally. "I do remember reading about something very similar, but I don't think it applies in this case."

"Where? What happened?"

"I'm not going to tell you." Seeing Soichiro's expression, L raised a hand. "Let me finish. I'm not going to tell you because I really don't think it's anything to do with this and because, well, it sounds too stupid. If it turns out that the two things are somehow linked though, I'll come straight to you with everything I know." He paused, then went on in a tone that seemed a little too casual, "Speaking of stupid, what's Matsuda's take on it all?"

"Oh, don't talk to me about Matsuda! I had to throw him out of the interview for asking graphic questions about the state of the body and the other internal organs and he still hasn't let up on it. He keeps trying to persuade me to let him examine the body himself! It's driving the rest of the department insane."

There was a silence. Then L said in a very careful voice, "Yagami-_san_, you did read Matsuda's file, didn't you? You _do_ remember what he was doing before he decided to join the NPA?"

Soichiro opened his mouth to answer, froze motionless as he realized what L was getting at, then shot to his feet fast enough to overturn his chair and hurtled out the door.

L raised his eyebrows.

"I'll take that as a _yes_," he remarked to the now empty room, and sipped at his coffee.

* * *

**AN: **When I started this story, I had planned to do some chapters around L, but so many people seem to like it being through Soichiro's eyes that I'm wavering. So I'm going to do what I always do when I'm not sure what people would prefer to read, namely throw it open for voting and let the majority decide XD

So what do you think? Would you like some (not many, but a few) pure L chapters, or would you rather it stay Soichiro-centered all the way? Or do you not mind? :-)


	10. Secrets of the Past

**SWACsCDC and L-Lawliet-Ryuzaki13:** Thanks. And a lot of people say they want L chapters, so that's what you'll get ;)

**Mystery Reviewers AKA Guests: **Thank you all so much *blushes* I'm glad this story's made such an impression XD

**Soysauce: **Thanks ;)I did consider making you all wait to find out what Matsuda used to do, but the dates and timing wouldn't work out ;)

**Violet-Revenge:** Heh, okay. You want 'em, you'll get 'em XD

* * *

**JUNE 7**

Heads turned as soon as Soichiro entered the NPA office, and the deputy director could hear the unspoken question hanging in the air: _what the hell are you doing back here? _

Well, he wouldn't leave them in suspense long.

"Matsuda!"

Matsuda, who had been carrying on a low-voiced conversation with Sanami that Soichiro was prepared to bet had nothing whatsoever to do with the case, jerked upright and bowed apologetically.

"Yes, Yagami-_bucho_?"

"Give me your professional opinion on this case." How the _hell_ could he have forgotten something as vital as this? "Particularly the latest body."

Puzzled looks were exchanged around the room and Matsuda blinked.

"Um...well, there were no signs of forced entry and—"

Soichiro raised a hand, cutting him off. "No, not your opinion as an NPA officer, Matsuda. Your opinion as a doctor."

There was a spluttering noise from Aizawa's direction as the detective's coffee sprayed across his desk, and a disgusted exclamation from Takahashi, who was unfortunate enough to be in the line of fire.

"His opinion as a _what_?" Aizawa yelped.

Matsuda gave him a look that could kill, then turned back to Soichiro. "Yagami-_bucho_, I—"

"I know you don't like talking about it," Soichiro said in a low voice, "and I'm sorry, but we've got no choice."

He should have remembered it right from the start. He should have _recognized_ it in that interview; while everybody else was talking about the cut in the chest, Matsuda had referred to it as an _incision_. The young detective wasn't one to use big words just to try and make himself sound cooler, and people didn't often talk about _incisions_ unless they were medically trained.

"No, you have a choice," Matsuda said, in an equally low voice. "You know I never finished my training; I was never a doctor, just a medical student. You should get a real doctor in."

"A real doctor, as you put it, wouldn't know all the details of the case. You do, and you still know more medical science than the rest of us. You were asking questions about the other vital organs, about whether they'd been damaged. You're impulsive, Matsuda, and hotheaded, but you don't ask questions just to sound intelligent, unlike one or two other people here I could mention. _You_ ask questions to confirm theories you've already formulated."

There was just enough resentment left in Matsuda for him to snap, "It's a pity you didn't remember that during the interview then, isn't it? Otherwise we might have been a lot further forward!"

"He's a _doctor_?" Aizawa said, gawking at Matsuda. If he'd been told that Matsuda was a woman, Soichiro thought that Aizawa would have shown less surprise.

"I've remembered it now." Soichiro allowed a touch of ice into his voice. It was true he'd royally screwed up by forgetting Matsuda's background, but he wasn't about to let his too-impetuous subordinate chew him out in public over it.

"And I suppose Ryuzaki reminded you of it!"

There was a gasp from Sanami, who sat next to Matsuda.

"_Ryuzaki_?" Her voice was soft with disbelief. "He's still alive?"

"Yes." There didn't seem any point in lying, especially since nobody besides the original task force even knew who Ryuzaki was, or what had happened to him. "And no, he's in no fit state to help us with this case. You could have reminded me of your background as well, Matsuda, during that interview. Or you could have asked me for a private word."

"Sorry," Aizawa said, still staring at Matsuda, "but you did say _doctor_?"

Matsuda's expression tightened. "Yagami-_bucho_, do I have to talk about this now? In front of everyone?"

"A _doctor_ doctor, you mean? As in medical? As in someone who's actually _studied medicine_?"

Soichiro shot Aizawa a quelling look, then turned back to Matsuda. "Yes. This is important."

"A _doctor_?" Aizawa repeated, for the fourth time.

Matsuda rounded on him. "_Medical student_, Aizawa, and not even that anymore. Now do us all a favor and shut the hell up!"

It was such an un-Matsuda-like statement that Aizawa's mouth snapped shut in pure shock.

"But he's an idiot," someone else said.

Soichiro turned to face the speaker, or at least their general direction; he wasn't entirely sure who had spoken, only that it hadn't been Aizawa.

"He's an idiot with four and a half years of medical school behind him, which is four and a half years _more_ than I suspect anyone else in this room has, including you. Matsuda, go on."

The young man stared at Soichiro with something very close to dislike. It was the first time the deputy director had ever seen anything other than respect and admiration in Matsuda's face, and he was surprised by how much it hurt.

"Why should I?" Matsuda demanded. "You just said so yourself; I'm an idiot. Who wants to listen to an idiot?"

_Boy, did you ask for that one,_ a nasty little voice inside Soichiro whispered. _All your fine and noble consideration for L and the fact that a human computer like him has feelings...did you never stop to think that Matsuda has them too?_

Soichiro took a deep breath. "Matsuda...no. You are not an idiot. You're rash, you're impulsive and you're hotheaded, but you're not stupid. Stupid people don't complete four and a half years of medical school and they _certainly_ don't get accepted as transfer students to Kyoto university."

"The idiot got into _Kyoto_?" Aizawa stared at Matsuda. "_I_ didn't get into Kyoto!"

Aizawa was going to get his face punched one of these days, Soichiro thought, and he wasn't entirely sure how he himself would react when that day came. The younger man was a damn good detective with a very sharp mind, but he _also_ had a very sharp tongue on occasion.

"Well, maybe you're not as smart as you like to think, Aizawa!" Matsuda shot back.

"But...no, wait a minute. That doesn't make sense."

Soichiro caught hold of Matsuda as the younger man took a step toward Aizawa with open murder in his eyes.

"Aizawa, if you make one more snide comment, I might just let him go."

Aizawa held up both hands. "I wasn't going to. Matsuda, you did four and a half years in med school? You'd have qualified in another eighteen months. If you decided you'd picked the wrong career, then okay, but why'd you leave it so long before dropping out?"

Soichiro could actually _see_ Matsuda battling with his temper, then the younger man said in a tight voice, "I did _not_ drop out. I transferred."

"Well, yeah, but you didn't transfer to study medicine, did you? Did you?" Aizawa added as an afterthought.

Matsuda twisted out of Soichiro's hold and gave him the look of someone who is hanging onto his temper with his fingernails. "Yagami-_bucho_, is this _really_ necessary? What does my personal history have to do with anything? You want me to admit it, yes, okay, I studied medical science before coming to Kyoto and that's all that matters. End of discussion, _Aizawa_!"

Aizawa leaned back. "Okay! Fine. I was just _saying_. Jeez, guy can't ask an idiot a civil question anymore..."

"Oh, I am _so _going to hurt you—!"

"No you're not," Soichiro interrupted before Matsuda could make good on his threat. "My office. Now."

For a moment he thought Matsuda might disobey, then the younger man turned and stalked off, even going so far as to bang the office door behind him.

"The rest of you, get back to what you were doing. That includes you, Aizawa!"

Aizawa gave Soichiro a _Who, me_? look that didn't fool the older man for a minute, then caught the deputy director's eye and bent over his work rather hurriedly.

Leaving him to get on with it, Soichiro headed over to his own office. Matsuda was pacing furiously inside when he entered, and before the older man had a chance to speak, or even shut the door, Matsuda whirled on him.

"How could you _do_ that to me? You _know _I never talk about my past and for you to...to just blurt it out like that..."

Soichiro was feeling a little guilty about that himself. It had been one of those very rare times when he'd let his emotion get the better of him.

"Matsuda—" he began.

"Just get out, okay? Get out and leave me alone!"

Soichiro took one or two deep breaths. "Matsuda, I realize I had no right to blurt out your past, as you put it, and I apologize for that. But that does _not_ give _you_ the right to order me out of my own office!"

"Oh, I don't know, I think it does, since I'll have to resign from the NPA now!"

Soichiro stared at him, speechless.

"_Resign_?" he echoed, as soon as he could speak again. "What the _hell_ are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that now everyone knows—"

"Knows _what_? That you studied medicine for four and a half years before you decided upon a change of career and transferred to – and later graduated from – one of the top universities in Japan? What's wrong with that?"

The look on Matsuda's face was one that Soichiro had become very familiar with since taking L into his home. He'd mentally categorized it as L's _Does Not Compute_ expression.

"Matsuda, for god's sake, you've done nothing at all to be ashamed of! In fact, your training and skills could be just what we need to crack this case, or at least move it further forward! I don't know why you treat it as some kind of dirty secret."

"Yeah, but Aizawa's right. I may not have dropped out of college, but I dropped out of med school. You think that's something to be _proud _of? Because my parents didn't! When I got back home from my meeting with the principal, my father had thrown all my stuff outside along with a note telling me not to bother coming back again. I turned up in Kyoto with one suitcase, two plastic bags and barely enough money for a _bento _and you know what? If I had it to do over, I'd do exactly the same thing again!" Matsuda closed his mouth with what looked like real effort, glaring at Soichiro as if daring him to comment.

_Well_, Soichiro thought, _that explains why he's so sensitive about the subject_. If _he'd_ done something – however innocent – that caused his family to disown him, he probably wouldn't want to be reminded of it either.

"You did not drop out, Matsuda; you simply transferred. If your family couldn't see that, then—" Soichiro bit down hard on the next part of the sentence – he'd been raised never to badmouth someone else's family – and settled for saying, "that's their problem. You're a good detective."

Matsuda let out a harsh laugh. "Right! Yeah. _Now_ I'm a good detective, because _now _I have something that you want."

"Oh, don't _you_ start!" Soichiro snapped a little more sharply than he'd intended, drawing a startled look from Matsuda. "I get enough accusations of mercenary behavior from Ryuzaki!"

"Ever think there might be something in them?"

There was a long, long silence, during which Matsuda seemed to shrink.

"What I _think_," Soichiro said at the end of it, "is that I'm going to forget you said that."

"Thank you." Matsuda's voice was very small.

"And now that it's just the two of us, I'm going to ask you the same question I asked you back there. I have a room full of people who can give me a detective's take on it. What I need is a medical expert."

Matsuda took a long, deep breath, then sighed.

"We're looking for someone who works in a hospital or has contact with those that do, or someone at a school or university. Hospital's looking far more likely; there's a very good chance that whoever was involved with this has medical training of some kind."

"So anywhere with a medical professional, in other words?" Soichiro said in a monotone. That hardly narrowed the field.

"Yes. But a very specific kind of professional. Yagami-_bucho_, _was_ the incision at all crooked?"

Soichiro shook his head. "No, it was perfectly straight, like whoever did it used a ruler, which means that the victims were either unconscious or already dead when it was done."

"Or paralyzed. If we knew _that_, we'd be a whole lot closer to finding whoever it is."

Soichiro was speechless for a few seconds.

"_Paralyzed_?" he echoed.

Matsuda looked away. "There are...drugs that can paralyze someone but leave them fully awake and able to feel. But you'd only find them in a hospital. Yagami-_bucho_, I know he's retired and I know you can't ask for his help, but has Ryuzaki said anything on his own?"

"Ryuzaki told me earlier that he'd read about something like this. Unfortunately, he also told me that he _wouldn't_ tell me where or _what_ he'd read, because – to use his own words – it would sound too stupid. He keeps trying to get involved in this case though. I'm not sure what to do about it, to tell you the truth."

Matsuda shrugged. "We'll have to do what we did when Ryuzaki _wasn't_ living on your couch. Work it out the old-fashioned way."

Unusually sound advice, coming from Matsuda. Soichiro had noticed this before; any mention of Matsuda's past would take the zest right out of him, and not in a good way.

"Why did you ask Etsuko whether the other vital organs were damaged?" he asked.

"Because a person's vital organs are packed in quite close together. If none of them were damaged at all, then it's a clear sign that the killer knows what they're doing."

Soichiro hesitated, not wanting to deal with another of Matsuda's tantrums just then, and finally said, "That's a pretty sweeping statement, isn't it?"

Matsuda looked at him. "Yagami-_bucho_, if I were to put a body in front of you and a scalpel in your hand and tell you to cut out the heart without damaging or displacing any other organs, could _you_ do it? I don't think I could, even though I'd know exactly where to cut."

"Mm," Soichiro conceded, rather non-committally. "And I suppose the injection—"

"Oh, forget the injection, that's not important. Anyone can inject someone, it's not difficult."

"Really?" The deputy director was genuinely surprised. Like many non-medical professionals, he'd always assumed that giving an injection was a tricky and dangerous maneuver, only to be attempted by a qualified medic.

"Well, if you were _really_ stupid you might get an air bubble in there, but considering the victims both had their hearts torn out, I think a gas embolism would have been the least of their problems. The fact that they were injected doesn't tell us anything other than the killers had a couple of hypodermic needles. Medically speaking, the only important part about that injection is what it contained."

Soichiro sighed. "And I don't suppose you could find out."

Matsuda shook his head glumly. "No. Sorry. I'm a failed medical student and detective, Yagami-_bucho_, not a forensic pathologist. I might be able to tell you a little bit about the drug in question, if it's one that's commonly used in hospitals, but again, so could a pathologist. As far as medical knowledge goes, you've about tapped me out."

"But if we could find out what they used, would you know whether or not it was easy to get hold of?"

Matsuda raised his eyebrows. "You mean how easy it would be to sneak it out the hospital without being caught? Perhaps, if it wasn't too obscure. Yagami-_bucho_, can we please stop discussing this now?"

"Alright, you can go." Soichiro supposed he owed Matsuda for putting the poor kid on the spot like that. "And _try_ not to kill Aizawa on your way out. We don't need another dead body on top of the two we've already got."

The younger man tightened his lips. "I'll _try_, but he's such a...a _jerk_ sometimes! I mean, _why_ is it so hard to believe that I could study medicine or get into Kyoto anyway?"

There was no right answer to _that_, and so Soichiro wisely decided not to attempt one. Besides, Matsuda was right; for some reason, the young man got the rough side of Aizawa's tongue far more than the rest of the department.

"Whatever your personal feelings toward Aizawa are, Matsuda, keep them to yourself while you're at work," Soichiro contented himself with saying.

"Yes, alright, I know, I know. I'll tie his shoelaces together on my own time."

There was a look in his eyes that made Soichiro seriously wonder whether or not Matsuda was joking, but he found he couldn't face pressing the issue just then and so he let it drop.

* * *

When he got back home, the first thing he noticed was that L had vanished.

The second thing was that Sayu was busy arranging blankets and pillows on the couch.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Soichiro demanded.

"The front door slammed and it woke me up." Sayu folded the top blanket down over itself and stepped back to admire her handiwork.

"Where's Ryuzaki?"

"In my room. His back's been so painful that I offered to let him try my bed, to see if it was any easier for him."

"You can't sleep on the couch every night, Sayu. It's not good for you."

"Then why do you expect Ryuzaki-_san_ to?" Sayu countered. "Especially when he's got a bad back!"

"Because Ryuzaki won't be staying with us for long; only long enough for him to recover and find somewhere else to live." Damn, Soichiro thought, he'd meant to talk to L about that. He'd do it tomorrow.

"Dad...what do you know about Ryuzaki-_san_?"

Soichiro blinked. "In what sense?"

"It's just..." Sayu shifted her weight, not looking at him. "I think he's having trouble sleeping. I don't like to complain, but is there any way to stop him waking me up every night?"

Soichiro glanced at her, concerned. Sayu had inherited her mother's forgiving nature; he could count the times on his fingers that his daughter had come to him with a complaint (minor incidents at school and difficulty of homework notwithstanding, which hardly counted) and when she had, it had always been a genuine grievance.

"What do you mean, waking you up? What does he do?" If L—no. No, that was stupid. L wouldn't even consider _that_; it was just a father's knee-jerk reaction.

"He talks in his sleep. Sometimes he cries out." Sayu bit her lip and looked away, then glanced back at her father. "Sometimes he just cries. The first night, I thought he was in pain, so I came down to see if I could help, only I found that he was asleep."

"What happened?" Soichiro asked. Funny; _he'd _never heard L. Then again, Sayu's bedroom was directly above the lounge, and she was a very light sleeper.

"He kept talking, then...he sat up."

"You mean he woke up."

Sayu shook her head. "No. His eyes were open and he was looking right at me, but I don't think he was seeing me. He looked scared. Do you think I should have said something?"

"No." From what Sayu said, it sounded like L was suffering from night terrors. "What sort of things does he say?"

"I-I don't know. It's nonsense mostly. And sometimes he talks in English or another language – I think it's French, but I'm not sure. I'm not good at languages."

_Or at lying_, Soichiro thought but didn't say. If she wanted to respect L's privacy by not repeating things that he never knew he'd said, he could hardly fault her.

"Does he talk about Light? Or Kira?"

"I...have heard him mention Kira's name," Sayu admitted reluctantly, "but he's never mentioned Light's. Did they know each other well?"

"Yes. Ryuzaki worked very closely with your brother in the attempt to catch Kira." Soichiro paused, wondering whether or not to ask the next question, then told himself _what the hell_. "What do you think of him?"

Sayu frowned. "I don't know. It's hard to say. He seems so...so..." Her voice tailed off.

"What?"

"Lost," Sayu said simply. "Like he has no idea where he is or what he's supposed to be doing. Like he's waiting for someone to give him an order. Sometimes I just want to sit down next to him and give him a hug."

"I wouldn't," Soichiro warned her. "Ryuzaki's not too experienced with physical contact. He might not understand what you're trying to do."

Sayu stared at her father, white to the lips. "But he must have been hugged before!"

"If he ever has, I think he's forgotten it." That said, Soichiro had hugged L without any problems, but he and L had always seemed to have an odd kind of bond. Right from the beginning of the investigation, when they'd seen him in that hotel room, L had opened up and responded to Soichiro in a way he hadn't to the others. He'd even made him a candy kebab, and the meaning of that was obvious even to the most stupid psychologist: _Let's be friends. Look, here's something I want to give you_.

"Just...if you are going to hug him, don't take him by surprise." Seeking to steer the conversation away from the rather dubious area of his daughter cuddling L, Soichiro asked, "Do you remember anything else that he's talked about in his sleep?"

"N-no."

It was another obvious lie. "_Sayu_..."

Sayu bit her lip. "I'm not sure it would be right to talk about it. I mean, it's one thing if Ryuzaki-_san_ decided to tell me and just didn't bother asking me to keep it a secret, but I don't think he knew what he was saying. It seems unfair to gossip about something he didn't know he was telling me in the first place."

Pride at his daughter's integrity mixed with irritation at her stubbornness and Soichiro pressed a little harder.

"I won't tell anyone what you say, not even your mother. But Ryuzaki's been through a lot and he's very ill. If something's the matter with him, I want to know about it."

"Oh, it's nothing like that. He wasn't talking about his head hurting or anything. It's not even important. I don't know what he meant, to be honest."

"What did he say?" Soichiro persisted.

"Well, I woke up to go to the bathroom and I decided to come down and check on him while I was up. I saw he'd kicked the blankets off so I pulled them back over his shoulders and that sort of woke him up. I mean, he looked at me, not through me...and then he said something. A name."

Soichiro's pulse quickened. "What was the name?"

Sayu looked down, then back up at her father.

"Hitomi."

"Hitomi?" Soichiro echoed blankly. He'd been so prepared for her to say either _Rem_ or _Ryuk_ that he didn't quite know how to respond to this.

"Yes. But...it was the _way_ he said it. He looked so hopeful, and disbelieving at the same time."

"What did you say?"

"I said _no, it's Sayu_. Dad, he looked so disappointed that I just wanted to cry. Should I have played along with him?"

"No," Soichiro answered. "He was just too tired to think straight, that's all."

"But what happened? Who is Hitomi?"

"I don't know." He could see what Sayu meant now; hearing about this made Soichiro feel like he was eavesdropping on something that was never meant for anyone's ears, let alone his. Whoever Hitomi was, she was clearly important to L. "But you're right not to gossip about it. And I don't think you should mention it to Ryuzaki either."

"Never!" Sayu looked horrified at the idea, not to mention a little insulted that Soichiro seemed to think she would need telling. She hesitated for a few seconds, then said, "There was something else too. Dad, does Ryuzaki-_san_ have another name?"

Soichiro glanced at his daughter. "Why do you ask that?"

"When I heard him talking in his sleep last night, I didn't get most of it, but he said one thing really clearly. He said, _no, I won't, that's not my name_."

Why did that sound so familiar? Soichiro frowned, trying to puzzle it out.

_Because he said the same thing in Osaka, remember? Those exact words._

"He has a lot of names, Sayu. Don't worry about it." Soichiro paused and then, seeing Sayu now wore the expression of someone trying to find the best way to ask an awkward question, went on. "Would you rather he left?" L was probably well enough to survive in a hotel or something now, so long as Soichiro checked on him now and again—

"_No_! Dad, you can't make him leave! Not after—" Sayu bit her lip.

"After what?" Soichiro pressed.

His daughter colored and looked at her feet, shifting her weight.

"After _what_, Sayu?" Soichiro didn't like the sound of this. He was certain that L had been telling the truth when he'd said he had no designs on Sayu, but he'd never once taken into account the possibility that Sayu might develop feelings for L. In the right light and in a pale, exotic way, Soichiro supposed the young man could be considered quite good-looking. Even the dark circles under his eyes – which had faded but not disappeared completely – enhanced his appearance rather than detracting from it.

_You idiot! It doesn't matter what he looks like; Sayu's a young girl with a big heart and love of the romantic, and you brought a wounded, tragic hero into her home. Of course she's going to be smitten with him, or at the very least pity him!_

Soichiro was just trying to work out which of these two scenarios L would dislike the most when Sayu spoke again.

"Well...please don't be angry, but..."

"But what?" No, he _really _didn't like the sound of this.

His daughter swallowed. "You've been so withdrawn since Light died. I studied as hard as I could to get those grades and you didn't even seem to care. Since you came back from Osaka with Ryuzaki-_san_, it's like you're back to how you used to be and...and I'm afraid that if Ryuzaki-_san_ leaves, you'll, well, go back into yourself, and I don't want that to happen."

Soichiro stared at her.

_And here I thought I'd managed to act normally around them._

"And I like him. He doesn't talk much, but if you can get him in the right mood, some of the places he's been to..." Sayu shook her head, eyes starry. "He's even been to _Paris_. Can you imagine? I'd love to go there."

"You can't speak French," the more pragmatic Soichiro pointed out.

"I know a little," Sayu protested. "Ryuzaki-_san_'s been teaching me."

Her father raised his eyebrows. "It seems you and Ryuzaki have quite a lot to say to each other."

"Well, yes. He is a guest, after all. You wouldn't want me to ignore a guest, would you? And he's so different from anyone I've ever met."

Well, there was no arguing with _that_.

"Sayu...when you said you _like_ Ryuzaki—"

Sayu rolled her eyes and shoved playfully at his chest. "_Da-ad_!"

"It's important, Sayu."

"I know, but come _on_. It's not like he's asked me out on a date or anything, all we do is talk." Sayu shook her head. "You're getting paranoid."

Soichiro wasn't entirely sure about that, but Sayu had never lied to him about things like this before, and so he let it go. He had bigger things to worry about.

Like stopping the third murder, for instance.

* * *

**AN: **Well, the results are in XD It wasn't quite unanimous, but there was an overwhelming majority who wanted the occasional L chapter – which I admit I was hoping for ;) – so the next one will center around him *evil grin*


	11. Close to Home

**Mystery Reviewer: **Thanks :) And as requested, the first of the L chapters ;)

**SC LLR: **Heh, thanks. The evil grin will be explained – mostly – in this chapter XD

* * *

**JUNE 8 - 9**

L was bored.

_Extremely_ bored.

Sayu's tennis match had been a welcome diversion, even though it was a lot gentler than the whack-and-smash game he himself used to play, but it was over now. He'd already read the books Sachiko had bought him – twice – and the programs on daytime TV would insult a normal person's intelligence, let alone his. He'd watched Sachiko do the ironing and the vacuuming, and the mundanity of both those things was sort of relaxing, plus the fact he'd never seen anyone iron a shirt before. He hadn't much cared if his clothes were ironed or not, so long as they were clean, and Watari...well, _his_ clothes had always been pressed, but L didn't know whether Watari himself had been the one to do that. Probably.

After Sachiko finally finished the vacuuming, L had claimed the bath and was still relaxing in it now. He'd never experienced anything like this before; all he'd had with Watari had been power showers. They were good too, especially when you were tired, but a bath was pure bliss. He'd been in it for a little over an hour and was half asleep.

He was also puzzled, which was something of a new experience for him and went a little way towards alleviating his boredom. He'd been stymied before (although very seldom) but not like this.

_Is this Yagami's tactic? Does he plan to bore me into begging him for cases?_

The improbability of that thought amused him a little, but not for long. Sachiko was kind enough, but the predictability of her routine was beginning to drive him up the wall.

Sachiko. Now _there_ was an interesting person, or at least a different one to his normal acquaintances. L hadn't had any experience with middle-aged housewives up until now, and based on what he'd seen so far, he'd categorized Sachiko as a well-meaning and exceedingly irritating element in his world (the irritating part came from those times when she insisted he put down his book and come and eat. Honestly, had the woman _never_ been engrossed in a novel?)

She was also starting to make noises about him getting a haircut, or at least letting her do it for him. L supposed she had a point. Even by his usual standards, his hair was a mess, although thanks to the Yagamis' shower, it was at least a clean mess. It was already past his shoulders; if he left it much longer it would be halfway down his back and then there'd be nothing for it but the clippers.

"Ryuzaki-_san_? Did you drown in there?"

L came out of his bath-induced stupor with a jerk at Sachiko's voice.

"No. Just thinking."

"Well, come and think out here. Lunch is almost ready, and you need to eat something."

He really would have to time his baths a bit better, L thought with a sigh. Maybe he could switch to having them after lunch instead of before; that way he could lie there for an entire, blissful afternoon, instead of being called out after a lousy hour and a half. He wasn't used to being fussed over, and it was only the thought of Soichiro's displeasure that had stopped him from snapping at Sachiko on more than one occasion...that plus the fact that he quite liked her when she wasn't interrupting his reading. Besides, there was no denying what she said; he _did_ need to eat more.

He'd always been hungry, now that he thought about it. Well, no, not _hungry _as such, more...unsatisfied. Watari had kept him supplied with plenty of sweets and seemed to take an active delight in tracking down new forms of confectionery that L hadn't tried yet (L himself had quite enjoyed that too) but lollipops and light, feathery cream cakes are not the most filling of things no matter how many of them you eat, and there had always been a large part of him that was never quite satiated, a part of him that was craving...something.

Hauling himself out of the bath with the air of someone performing a supreme sacrifice, he stepped onto a towel he'd laid carefully on the floor for just that purpose. L had learned the hard way about wet feet and slippery floors.

As he headed back to his clothes, he caught a glimpse of his reflection and paused to study himself more closely. He'd never had much time to look at himself before, only when he was shaving and that hardly counted.

Shoulder length black hair (yes, Sachiko-_san_ was right; he really _would_ have to cut it at some point). Pale skin. High, prominent cheekbones. The dark rings under his eyes had faded a little but not disappeared completely. L was beginning to doubt that they ever would.

He turned sideways on. Ribs, too visible, even with the food he'd been getting here. Ditto vertebrae, collarbone, shoulder blades and hips. Scars, plenty, although a lot of them had faded into thin silver lines and L could only see them because he knew to look for them. Posture...L frowned. His posture had deteriorated dramatically after Watari took him out of Wammy's House and put him to work, since he spent so long hunched over computers despite Watari's best efforts to get him to sit up straight while he was saving the world. But there was something more, something chillingly familiar about the way he stood, back arched, knees slightly bent to compensate, like...like a...

_Shinigami_. The word arrived in his mind from nowhere and he felt a shiver run down his spine.

Yes. That was it. He wondered nobody had remarked on it before, although he supposed that the task force wasn't likely to be looking at him all the time Rem or Ryuk were in the room. The same curved spine...if not identical, then very similar.

"Ryuzaki-_san_!"

L jumped and glanced over his shoulder at the door. "Coming!"

He pulled his clothes on and headed into the kitchen. At least he was back in his old long-sleeved t-shirt. He liked the clothes Sachiko had bought him, but the drawback was that they left the bite scar from Mello exposed, and it was too clear (and too obviously a bite) for him to be comfortable having it out on display.

_Never mind. Sort this out first, then you can get your own long-sleeved clothes. And besides, it's not like Sachiko's commented on it._

That was true; Sachiko was too polite to ask personal questions like that.

L settled down at the table and tried to sort through the growing perplexity in his mind, a perplexity that only seemed to increase with each day he spent in the Yagamis' house.

_I never should have let Yagami bring me here_.

Which was all well and good, except even L couldn't think how in the world he could have prevented it.

_Doesn't matter. He was right about one thing; I recovered far more quickly here than I would have done in Osaka. I'm healthy. I can leave._

The trouble – and the source of his confusion, if L was one hundred percent honest with himself – was that he was no longer sure he _wanted_ to leave, and he couldn't figure out why.

_It's simple,_ his other mind whispered. L didn't know if normal people had other minds and internal conversations with themselves; all he knew was that _he_ did. _You're onto a good thing here. Free room and board, new clothes, books...if you leave, you'll lose all that. Where are you going to go? What are you going to do? You have no money, no qualifications, no prospects._

L didn't answer that. It was too close to what Watari had often told him.

_Watari..._

Even eighteen months on, the old man was still never far from his thoughts. Watari had been the one constant in his life, the one person he'd fully trusted.

_No. No, he wasn't. Not after Kyoto. That was the beginning of the end for the two of you and there's some tiny part of you buried deep inside that knows it. Watari did you proud in most respects, and in the game of guardianship he scores pretty damn high – he guarded you and looked after you extremely well – but...clouds, L; clouds!_

L glanced away with an irritated expression. _Can we have this discussion without the Dickens references?_

_Suit yourself. But you know I'm telling the truth. You were right when you told Yagami that no relationship is ever perfect, but after Kyoto...ah, that's when the cracks began to show, wasn't it? There was Kyoto, then after that you met Mello and saw Near again, and then there was the Kira case. Four cracks, L. Four large, irreparable cracks that just kept on spreading and spreading._

_If you're implying that I'm glad Watari's dead— _L thought furiously.

_No, I'm not, no more than Yagami's glad that Light's dead. But be honest, when you realized Rem kept her word and you weren't going to die, a small part of you was relieved. You'd planned to escape for good, even considered fighting Watari if that was what it took, and thanks to his death, you didn't have to do either._

_I would never hurt him. You hear me? Never!_

_Yes you would_, his other mind insisted. _If it was a choice between knocking out Watari or remaining a prisoner, you would do it._

_I was not a prisoner! I could have walked out any time I liked. Any time._ _Just like I can walk out of here whenever I want!_

_Really? Go on then._

L didn't move. There were some rather appetizing smells coming from Sachiko's cooking pot, and he was hungry.

_Didn't think so. Besides, would it really be so bad, having Yagami for a handler?_

_Oh, let me think. Would it be so bad turning over complete control of my life to someone else, even someone as kind as Yagami? Yes it damn well would, and you know it! It's taken me fifteen years to get control of my life!_

L accepted a plate of _omurice_ from Sachiko with a smile and a _thank you_, then returned to his mental conversation as he ate.

_Alright...well, maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he's not interested in being your handler. He's right about one thing though; it was you that called him. You can't beg him for help one minute and scorch him for giving it to you the next!_

The trouble was, if he did leave, then where was he going to go? In spite of his earlier insistence, he really didn't want to return to Osaka; he just didn't want to wind up with another handler and he suspected Soichiro would be far more likely to let him go if the older man knew L had a place to go _to_. Kyoto—no. He was _never_ going back to Kyoto. Aomori was too damn cold, Tokyo was too expensive, Okinawa was too far away and Sapporo was all of the above. And just about all the places except Tokyo itself required some kind of money to get there.

_Except...the photograph_.

Yes. The photograph. It was like an itch in his mind, one that could only be scratched by holding that photograph in his hands again. The problem was, it was back in Osaka.

"Sachiko-_san_?"

"Yes?"

L tilted his head on one side. He really didn't want to trick Sachiko into doing what he was about to suggest, and not just because he thought Soichiro would rip his lungs out if he tried it.

"If you wanted to go from Tokyo to Osaka in a hurry, how would you go about it?"

Sachiko continued bustling around in the kitchen as she answered, "Well, you could fly, if you didn't mind going through all the queues. Or you could take the _shinkansen_."

The second option sounded much better. L liked trains. You could watch the view out of the window and stuff yourself from the buffet cart, without having to obey any of those annoying traffic rules that you found while traveling in a car.

"How much would a return ticket be?"

Sachiko glanced at him. "Are you planning a day trip?"

"No. I just left something behind in my house. It's nothing valuable so I don't think anyone would steal it, but it means a lot to me. I'd really like to have it."

"Well, for a return ticket, you're talking about twenty eight thousand yen."

L stopped. Then he said, "Oh," very quietly.

_Just when I think I'm beginning to understand life in the outside world. If it costs that much to reach Osaka from Tokyo, how much more would it cost to get there from Aomori? _Having only taken short trips, L had envisaged it being around five or six thousand yen, but _this_...

_No wonder Yagami-san was so reluctant to lend me the train fare_. _He probably didn't even have it; who carries that kind of money around with them on a daily basis?_ _And if he did, that's a hell of a lot to just hand over to someone._

"Are you planning to do it in one day?" Sachiko persisted.

L glanced at her. "Yes." _At least, I was_.

"Well, if it means that much to you, then I'll lend you the money if you'll take Soichiro's best suit to the dry cleaners and pick it up on the way back. I was going to go myself, but I have to stay here in case the men come."

"Men?" L echoed.

Sachiko nodded towards a cabinet in the middle of the kitchen. L had been wondering what that was doing there; it was hardly a practical place to keep it.

"One of the doors came off and needs reattaching, and the leg could do with a little work." Sachiko wobbled the cabinet by way of an explanation. "I'm hopeless with these things. It's quite an old cabinet and it really needs an expert. I spoke to someone this morning and he said he'd try and get someone round this afternoon."

"Is there something valuable inside?" L asked.

"No, just plates, glasses, that sort of thing. But it does have some sentimental value for me, so the sooner it's fixed, the better." Sachiko bustled over to the hooks by the front door and took down the suit that was hanging there. "Oh, and don't forget to empty the pockets; last time he left his cigarettes in there. I keep _telling_ him those things are no good for him!"

L didn't answer. Socially inept he may have been, but he still knew better than to get involved in _that_ kind of discussion.

"And...you'll really lend me the money for a return ticket if I do this for you?" he asked.

"It's a one-off, Ryuzaki. I can't afford to pay for you to go sightseeing around Japan, and you can pay me back as soon as you get some money of your own or by helping me around the house. But if this whatever-it-is is that important to you, you'd better go and get it. You'll need to take the underground to Chiyoda; the shinkansen doesn't stop in this district."

L blinked.

_Just like that? Doesn't she even consider the possibility that I could be lying to her? _He wasn't, of course, but Sachiko wasn't to know that. Maybe she was more like her husband than L had first assumed. Maybe he could trust her.

_You trusted Watari like that and look where it got you. Remember what happened in Kyoto—_

_I told you to shut up about that!_ L thought savagely. _We don't talk about Kyoto! We never talk about Kyoto! Kyoto never happened!_

_Oh really? Well, if it never happened, why are you going back to Osaka to get that photograph? How can there even be a photograph to get, if Kyoto never happened? And if it never happened, what exactly is it that we never talk about?_

_I said shut up_, L retorted and then turned his attention back to Sachiko, who was now holding out a wad of notes.

"If you're _sure_..." he began.

"I wouldn't have offered it to you if I wasn't. You can keep what's left over to get yourself some food; I doubt you'll be back in time for dinner. Just try not to be _too_ late."

L stared at her for a few seconds and then, before she could change her mind, took both the money and the suit and headed out the door.

It took him half an hour to find the dry cleaning place, and when he handed the suit over a quick search of the suit pockets yielded a lighter but no cigarettes. L stuffed the lighter and the claim ticket into his own pocket and sauntered out, inhaling deeply and feeling pleased with himself. He had Done Something Normal.

This was good. This was _really_ good. He glanced around at the crowds – people watching was something he never got tired of – and then decided on a sudden generous impulse that he wanted to buy Sachiko a present.

The only question was what?

_Flowers_? He paused briefly at a flower shop. It seemed the most obvious gift, but coming from someone his age to someone Sachiko's age – and someone she'd only known for about a week – was it an entirely appropriate one? A book might be nice (not least because he could sneakily enjoy it himself before passing it on) but he wasn't certain what kind of authors Sachiko liked or which ones she'd already read.

Jewelry? That was also possible, but even he knew enough about women to know that things like jewelry and perfume were very personal things. Perfume itself was out of the question. Chocolates? Or she liked dolphins, maybe he could find her a little ornament and—no. No, she'd mentioned before how much dusting there was to do. L didn't think she'd thank him for buying her something _else_ to dust.

Incense was a possibility as well, but he didn't know what kind she liked and he couldn't stand the stuff himself; it made his nose itch.

Music? Except again, he wasn't sure what sort of music she liked. For that matter, he wasn't sure if she liked music at all; she'd never listened to any in all the time he'd been there. He could, of course, buy her something more practical but again, even he understood that dishwasher tablets or fabric softeners were not what most women expected in the way of a present.

_I could cook her something_. He actually wasn't a bad cook; when he'd been fourteen, Watari had been laid up in bed for three weeks with a severe bout of tonsillitis and L had taught himself how to make food for the old man.

_Right. Yeah. Come on, be sensible! You may be able to cook well enough for yourself, but Sachiko's a hell of a lot better than you'll ever be. Why would she want you to cook her substandard food when she cooks far better meals for herself every single day?_

L let out a gusty sigh. Buying presents was _hard_.

_Oh, and incidentally, don't you think she may have something to say about the fact that you're planning to buy her a present with her own money? Doesn't that kind of invalidate the whole idea of a present?_

_No, don't be stupid. Of course it doesn't. She said I could keep what was left to buy myself some food, so if I skip the food and spend the money I would have saved on her—_

—_it still doesn't change the fact that it's not your money to buy things with!_ _Why don't you ask Yagami-san for some? He'd probably know better than anyone what to buy her as well._

_Because if I do that, he'll just start going on about how I don't owe anyone anything!_ _Everything's always about debts with that guy._

Abandoning the idea of presents for the time being, L headed for the underground and bought a return ticket to Chiyoda. Once there, it wasn't too hard to get to the shinkansen and buy himself another return ticket, this one to Osaka, leaving him just two thousand yen out of the money Sachiko had given him. That should be enough to get him something to eat. So far, it was shaping up to be a very good day.

L's optimism lasted until he got back to the Osaka house (which, fortunately, wasn't too far from the shinkansen station), let himself in and saw what was waiting for him.

The place was a mess. Not much of a mess, since there wasn't enough there in the way of furniture or rubbish to accomplish that, but a big enough mess for him to realize there was someone else there.

"You took your time," someone said from off to his left.

L spun around so fast he almost overbalanced and had to grab at the wall for support.

"_Sato_? What are you doing here?"

Sato, one of the handlers from Wammy's House and the last person L wanted to see, for more reasons than one, shrugged. "Well, I knew you'd come back here sooner or later. We saw you on the CCTV at that gas station just outside Aomori. I take it Yagami sent you here?"

"You take it wrong, then. I'm retired." L heard the tiniest quiver in his voice and hated himself for it. If he could defy _Yagami_, this evil little man shouldn't pose any kind of problem.

_Except Yagami's an honorable man. He'd never get violent with you just for disagreeing with him or being rude and you know it._

"It's the House that decides when you retire, L, not you. Is this why you told us you were dying?"

L shrugged. "I thought I was, only circumstances changed. I just came back here to get something important."

Sato raised his eyebrows and smiled, an expression that chilled L to the bone.

_He smiled at Mello like that. I'm certain of it._

"After eighteen months?" he said lightly. "It can't be that important if you've left it here for so long. Why didn't you come back before?"

"I didn't have time."

"Yes, now that you've retired, you must have _so _little time on your hands," Sato remarked, and took a step toward him.

_Okay. Forget what you came here for. Just get out; you can come back with Yagami-san. _

L moved back, intending to bolt out the front door. He'd got about two steps when the world started to spin around him and he collapsed.

* * *

When he came to, he was lying on the futons in his old room and it was dark outside, the only illumination coming from a couple of street lamps. By standing directly in this light source, L managed to examine himself in an attempt to find out what in the world had just happened.

A tiny pinprick on his right arm gave him the answer and he nodded slightly, mouth tightened into a grim line.

_Sleeper dart._ Of course. Handlers had a myriad of small, easily concealed weapons on them at any one time, in case they had to defend their charges. Watari had developed that particular weapon himself; it was similar to a tiny gun. L had never expected to have those weapons turned on _him_, but then...this was Sato.

Quietly, too quietly for Sato to hear, L sneaked up the stairs and tried the door. Locked. Well, _there_ was a surprise. Still, at least the handler hadn't tied him up; with a little ingenuity and a lot of luck, he may still get out of this in one piece.

So, somehow Wammy's House had discovered he was still alive and sent in a new handler. Well, maybe it wasn't that surprising. After all, L hadn't been all that careful since that day in the old HQ, when he'd realized he wasn't going to die after all. Maybe he'd relied too much on the fact that not many people – even in Wammy's House – really knew what he looked like. Thank god Soichiro _had_ insisted on taking him back to Tokyo, otherwise Sato would have caught him completely by surprise. As it was, maybe he still had a chance of escape.

_Yagami-san, when this is over and I've managed to get some money from somewhere, I'm going to buy you the biggest...well, whatever it is you want, I'll buy you the biggest one_.

_First things first. Get out of here._

L stared at the now locked door. Sato wasn't like Watari; he'd have no problems using physical coercion to ensure L's cooperation. Quite how he'd slipped through the House's extremely rigid selection process, L didn't know and cared less. His first encounter with Sato had been via Mello a few years ago; Watari always tried to get him back to the House for Christmas. Ordinarily, L wouldn't have minded that so much, except Watari wanted him to go back as L, a special celebrity guest appearance, if you like, and something in that idea repulsed him. They'd compromised in the end; L had gone back incognito and later done a couple of question and answer sessions via a computer.

The last time Watari tried to get him to the House had been just after Kyoto. The old man had been more insistent than usual, claiming that a few words from L would inspire the other children to follow in L's footsteps. L had still been raw and furious with Watari after what had happened, and he could still remember the answer he'd given the old man.

_"And just where do those footsteps lead, Watari? They'll be completely isolated from society, never allowed to go where they want or eat what they choose, they'll have to watch anyone they care about be kidnapped or worse right in front of their eyes, they'll be too frightened to give their names to anyone and totally dependent on someone else for everything, like a damn animal. You're not raising children, Watari; you're turning them into emotionally crippled slaves_._"_

He'd been sorry for it afterward and had apologized. He'd even gone back to the House just in time to meet Sato and deal with Mello (L rubbed the scar on his wrist absentmindedly) and see Near...and the dramatic change that life at Wammy's House had wrought in the latter had frightened L so much that he'd spent his last night in the House giving Mello some advice on how to avoid being caught when he next ran away.

_So why do you get so pissed off with Yagami whenever he tells you what you told Watari? And, I might add, does so a lot more delicately than you did_?

_That's different. Watari was my handler. I'm allowed. It's like your girlfriend's weight; you're allowed to joke about it, but nobody else is._

_If that's really what you believe, then your next romance is going to be a very interesting one. Probably rather short-lived as well._

_Oh shut up. You know what I mean._

The point was that L had seen what Sato did to Mello. God, he'd thought the scar on his own wrist was embarrassing, but _Mello's_ scars would give small children screaming nightmares. Watari hadn't been there at the time – if he had, he never would have allowed it – but L had, and as soon as he'd managed to calm Mello down (which took over two hours) he'd lost no time in telling Sato what he thought of him loudly enough to wake the entire orphanage. There was no way he was going to let Sato anywhere near him after that; the guy was probably bursting for some kind of revenge.

_Alright. _L's brain kicked into overdrive._ Watari didn't install an intercom in this house, so if Sato wants to talk to me, try and dump a new case on me, whatever, he's going to have to open the door. I can overpower him then._

He considered this, then abandoned the idea. It was fine in theory, but he wasn't entirely certain he'd be able to tackle Sato, and if he _failed_...

_Then wait. He's not as smart as Watari was. You can just wait here, bide your time and then get out and make your way back to the Yagamis' house._

L settled back on the futon, mind ticking furiously.

_Except if I leave it too long before getting back, they'll think I just upped and left with Sachiko's money_.

That had certainly been his original plan (minus the money; whatever else his faults, L wasn't a thief) but he wasn't certain he could see it through anymore. Sneaking out in the dead of night had seemed like a fine idea at the beginning, but now it seemed like a despicable thing to do.

_Damn you, Yagami. Just when did you manage to slip that invisible leash on me?_

Had it been when he'd brought L the water? Was it before that, when he'd covered him with that blanket, or come back to be with him at the very end? Or was it much more recently, when L had begged Soichiro to stay with him (the detective turned red at the memory) and Soichiro had done just that?

_Was that why he was so willing to agree to let me leave? Because he knew I wouldn't be able to do it when the time came?_

_Um—_ L's other mind spoke up a little timidly— _can we have this discussion a bit later? You know, when we haven't been locked up by some sadist?_

L ignored this and went back to wondering about Soichiro. The man hadn't just stayed with him, he'd put an arm around him and tucked L into his side. He'd _never_ been held like that before. Watari had never been cruel or violent towards him by any means, but he hadn't been the huggy type either. Of course, L himself had _held_ other kids like that in Wammy's House – Near and Mello, although hugging Mello was a bit like hugging a leopard cub – but he'd never been on the receiving end. It had felt...nice. Was that the word?

_Great. Fluent in over twenty languages, able to quote any of the classic books or poets in existence, and the most evocative description I can come up with is 'nice'._

L tipped his head back and closed his eyes, thinking. It had felt very strange, being so close to another human being like that. He'd forgotten how warm other people were.

_He didn't care._

People had always avoided him, even subconsciously. It was like he moved in his own little bubble. Nobody wanted to come near someone who walked or sat in such an odd way, with black rings under his eyes. There was never any trouble; people just swerved a little in their path to avoid him, and it had contributed to his image of himself as a freak so abnormal that everyone was afraid to touch him in case he was contagious.

_Except Yagami. Yagami doesn't care._

L brought his hands up and buried his face in them.

_Oh, who the hell am I kidding? He put that leash on me the second he brought me the blanket. I can't leave without his permission any more than I can sprout wings._

Soichiro had handled him just like he'd handle a normal person. Not excessively, but if physical contact needed to be made, then physical contact _would_ be made without any flinching away, because...because...

_Because he's not afraid of me_.

The realization froze L to the spot. Now that he thought about it, Soichiro had _never_ been afraid of him. Not afraid to look at him, talk to him, give him orders...

Not afraid to touch him.

Watari had never been afraid of him either, but something had changed between them after Kyoto, and they'd never fully trusted each other from that moment on.

_Yes. Kyoto was the beginning of the end. But Watari, I really, really wish that you hadn't died. I never wanted that. I swear I never wanted that._

With an effort, L forced his thoughts away from Watari's death and back to Soichiro Yagami. The man had been kind to him, as had his entire family, but L couldn't shake the feeling that the time was fast approaching when he'd be expected to earn his keep. Fair enough, nobody liked a freeloader and he was happy to help out, but if Yagami didn't want him as a pet detective, then what did he want him for? Or...no, to put it another way, what else was someone like him good for?

Conversation? That was a laugh; he had his wife and daughter for that, although L supposed he'd probably seen more of Yagami in the past few days than either of those two.

_And I am the only one he can talk to about Kira._

A replacement son? That idea alarmed him, not because of what it would entail but because of what it would indicate about Yagami's mental state. He could never be a replacement for Light, simply because he _wasn't_ Light. If his life during the past week was typical of being part of a family, he might not mind that, but there was no way he'd be able to be another Light, and he didn't intend to try.

Sex? L shook his head irritably. No. Stupid, stupid notion. He'd pretend he never even _thought_ of that one.

_At the very least...maybe it's safe to risk trusting him. A little._

_Oh really_? his annoying other mind spoke up again. _If you trust him, then why don't you tell him your real name?_

L didn't bother dignifying that with an answer. There was something odd about his real name, something that alarmed people. Children at Wammy's House were stripped of their names the second they stepped through the door – and sometimes the staff didn't even wait that long – but he'd been punished far more harshly for mentioning his real name than any of the other children. Oh, never in a physical manner and never by Watari, but the reactions his name provoked in the rest of the staff were always a hell of a lot more furious and extreme than those the other kids had had to put up with. Whoever he'd been before Wammy's House, Watari had really _not_ wanted anyone to know about it. L remembered his real name, of course, but he didn't know what was so special about it.

_Speaking of special, I don't think you're going to be coming back here again, so don't you think it's time you got what you came for?_

L gave a kind of mental nod and headed over to the futons, sticking his hand in between the two mattresses and rummaging around until his fingers located the stiff card of a photograph and he pulled it out. Staring at it, he felt his heart swell a little. Had it really been eighteen months since he'd last seen it? Watari had strongly disapproved of his having it, to the point where he'd run it twice through the shredder. (L had subsequently spent a long time picking every single piece out of the trash and sticking them back together again when Watari was asleep). It was the only thing the two of them had ever seriously fought over.

_Good, you got it. Put it safely in your back pocket and let's find a way out of here before Sato decides to come down and introduce himself_!

That was going to be easier said than done. The door leading back into the house couldn't be broken down (at least, not by L) and the windows were kept securely locked and bolted from the outside.

He checked his watch. Five to nine.

_Are you back from work yet, Yagami-san? Do you think I've betrayed your trust and left for good? Are you cursing yourself for letting me into your home and family? Your wife was probably waiting up, worried about me, and the first thing she would have said to you is 'I gave Ryuzaki thirty thousand yen and your best suit and he—'_

L sat bolt upright, mind suddenly racing.

_The suit_.

Damn, why hadn't he thought of this before? He still had Soichiro's cigarette lighter in the back pocket of his jeans. Maybe...if Sato was as stupid and overconfident as L had always thought, then maybe there was still a chance.

_And if he doesn't know about the smoke detectors, _L added mentally. It was true that Watari had often locked him in this room, but the old man had also built in a few failsafes in the case of fire.

Pulling out the lighter, L stood underneath the smoke alarm and reached up, straightening his spine to extend his reach and ignoring the dull flare of pain that always shot through his lower back whenever he stood erect.

Carefully, he clicked the switch and a tiny flame erupted from the lighter. Half a second later, the sound of the alarm pierced the air and L headed straight over to the window. He couldn't do anything about the alarm; it could only be deactivated from upstairs, and he was certain that Sato would want to stop the hideous noise just as badly as L himself.

Turning off the alarm was simple. Watari had rigged it up to a control in his own bedroom (the wall by the door looked a bit like an elevator control panel, with labels and different buttons under each). There were two buttons under the fire alarm label, one marked _Ignore_, the other _Deactivate_. Contrary to popular assumption, however, these buttons didn't control the alarms, but the security measures._ Ignore_ meant that it was a false alarm (one thing L hadn't worked up the courage to tell Soichiro was the _other_ reason there was so little furniture in this room, namely because he'd set fire to a lot of it after Kyoto in a failed bid for escape. That sort of thing could really make a person think twice about any kind of hospitality offered). _Deactivate _would unlock the window in L's room and enable him to escape. Watari had set up the alarm controls to be misleading on purpose, just in case...well, in case something like this happened.

There were also tiny cameras in this room – Watari had installed them right at the beginning, just in case a genuine fire broke out or L injured himself – but that was alright. Sato would have set himself up and logged into the security network. He'd be able to see that it wasn't a real fire, and if L was lucky, then Sato would play right into his hands.

_He won't come down here all the time that alarm's going. He'll want to turn it off before he deals with me. _L stared at the window and slid his hands along the bottom of it, wanting to be ready.

_Come on. Come on. I know Watari wouldn't have discussed this with you; there wasn't time. Just be a good little idiot and press the pretty red button._

There was a loud _clunk_ from the window and the locks on the outside shot back. With an agility that would have astonished anyone who knew him, L slammed the window open and slithered through it.

_Thank you_!

His elation lasted as long as it took for him to misjudge the distance to the ground and land on something that drove itself into his hip. He let out a choking gasp, and stared down to where blood was already blossoming on his t-shirt around a wicked looking piece of glass.

_How the hell did that get there_? L had never bothered with the house or small garden, but one of Watari's quirks had been that he was extremely houseproud, and he wouldn't have let anything this size remain in the back yard.

For a long few seconds, L simply stared at it. It wasn't part of a bottle, it wasn't part of _anything_ that he could see, except maybe a window.

_Right. So someone smashed a window, brought the glass here and scattered it? Be serious!_

_No time to be anything,_ L informed his other mind._ Have to move. Get out before Sato realizes what happens_. He didn't think the man would come downstairs, but still, the sooner he was safely on board a shinkansen and heading back to Tokyo, the better.

One hand clamped over his hip, L broke into a run, past caring how conspicuous he looked. It was early evening anyway. People were either at home or slaving away in some office. The sidewalks weren't deserted, of course, because sidewalks in a city the size of Osaka never were, but L was able to thread his way through the crowds with comparative ease and make it back to the station, gasping for breath.

He showed his ticket and clambered into the shinkansen, where he didn't sit on a seat so much as collapse on it, heart hammering frantically. He could feel blood seeping out of his hip and he bunched up his t-shirt in a wad, trying to find a way to apply pressure without grinding the glass further into his body.

It was twenty past nine when the shinkansen pulled out of Osaka, and a quarter to midnight when it arrived at the station in Chiyoda. Somehow, L managed to drag himself out and glance around, trying to get his bearings. The Yagamis' house was in the Toshima district, and he really didn't think he could face another train journey. There were no buses running at this time of night, at least, none that he knew of.

_Chiyoda to Toshima...that's five kilometers as the crow flies._

If he hadn't been injured, he could have walked it in a couple of hours. As it was, he only had one other option.

_I'll have to get a taxi. Thank god I didn't spend that two thousand yen!_

Getting a taxi when you're bleeding, hunched over and too dizzy to walk in a straight line isn't as easy as it sounds, however, and L attempted to flag down three before one finally pulled in and opened its doors.

He half scrambled, half crawled inside. For a moment he was too exhausted and too relieved at being there to do anything other than lie there and shake.

"Are you okay?" The words thundered eerily in L's head. On some level he thought he should respond to them, but he couldn't seem to get his answer lined up.

"Yes," he managed after a few minutes. "Please. Go."

"Where're you headed? Wherever it is, I should warn you that it's after ten pm, so it'll cost you extra."

"Toshima district. Sunshine City." L tried very hard not to slur his words; if the driver thought he was drunk, there was every chance he'd be kicked back out onto the sidewalk again.

The driver looked a little suspicious, as might anyone who'd just been asked to drive to a shopping mall after midnight.

"You sure?"

"Yes." Sunshine City was visible from the Yagamis' house, and L was confident he could find his way back from there. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the remaining two thousand yen. "This is all the money I have. You can have it all if you get me to Sunshine City. If it's not enough, then please, just take me as far as you can and give me directions; I'll walk the rest of the way." _God, please, please, please let it be enough..._

The driver stared at L's hand, and L realized too late that his palm was soaked in his own blood.

"Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"I'll be fine. I got mugged at the station. I just make sure to keep a little extra money in my shoes. One of them had a knife, but I'm not seriously hurt." L was vaguely aware there was something odd about the grammar of that last sentence, but he was too dizzy to puzzle it out. "Just have to get back home. I'm...staying with friends, only I can't remember their address. I know it's a few blocks over from Sunshine City. Please take me there, and I'll find my way back."

This seemed to pass, much to L's relief, and the driver started off.

L never remembered much about that drive back, only that he spent most of it fighting to stay conscious and keeping an eye out the window for something, _anything_, that looked familiar. It wasn't until they reached Sunshine City and the driver went past it that a tiny alarm bell started to ring in L's mind.

"Where are you going?" he demanded.

"Tell me where you're staying. I'll take you all the way."

L glanced at the meter, which now read two thousand seven hundred yen and felt his heart freeze in his chest.

"I told you to stop when it reached two thousand. I can't pay what you've already clocked up, never mind letting you clock up any more!"

The driver looked down at the meter. "That? That hasn't been working properly for a while now. Let me see if I can fix it." He reached down, clicked a button and the amount dropped to seven hundred and ten yen. "Oh, would you look at that? I've only gone and reset the damn thing. I tell you, it's a bad lookout having fingers as clumsy as mine in this line of work. Now, where did you say you were staying again?"

L stared at him, then in a very small voice said, "Turn right up here please."

"You got it."

It took less than five minutes to get back to the house, and at the back of his mind L was grateful. He wasn't entirely certain that he could have managed the walk.

"This is it. Thank you."

The man looked at him in the rear view mirror. "Are you sure you're going to be okay? You don't want me to help you to the door? Because I have to tell you, you look more dead than alive."

L shook his head. "Thank you, no. I'll be fine. Please open the door."

Looking somewhat dubious, the cabbie pressed the button and the car door clicked open. L dropped the two thousand yen on the back seat – handing them to the man would have required far more hand-eye coordination than his fluttering vision was capable of – and dragged himself out of the car, clinging to the door for support. He stood there for a few seconds, gathering his strength, then somehow managed to stagger up the path to the front door and push it open. Luckily Sachiko had left it unlocked for him.

L got two steps into the house, kicking off his sneakers and closing the door behind him, and then thought _hang on_.

Sachiko _never_ left the front door unlocked. Even when she was in the house during the day, that door stayed locked until she needed to go out. Soichiro would have his own key, and no one who worked for the police would be stupid enough to leave the door unlocked either. And it hadn't just been unlocked; it had been _ajar_.

A cold feeling of dread crept across him, making his spine tingle.

_Something's wrong. Something's very, very wrong_.

Even knowing this, L didn't realize _how _wrong things were until he opened the door leading from the hall into the rest of the house and saw Sayu stretched out on the kitchen table with two masked intruders standing over her and looking, as far as L could tell from their body language, completely shocked at being discovered.

Adrenalin burned through him, lending him enough strength to act, and L slammed his fist into the nearest one's jaw, barely registering the explosion of pain in his hand. The man staggered back a few steps, but stayed upright. Glancing around for something to use as a weapon, L racked his brains for some way out of this.

Had he been fit and healthy, L would have taken his chances with the pair. As it was, he didn't think he had enough strength in him to swat a mosquito, let alone engage in a fight with two killers. The only hope he had was to get Soichiro downstairs somehow.

Without really thinking about what he was doing, L hurled himself against the free-standing cabinet that Sachiko had talked about fixing earlier, crashing into it with his entire body weight. It wavered for a few seconds (L was still very underweight and he hadn't had the strength to hit it full force) then gravity took over and both the cabinet and its contents fell with an earth shattering _crash_ of broken glass and crockery.

A few seconds later, L heard the sweetest sound in the world; that of someone scrambling out of bed upstairs. Heavy footsteps came from above, then the landing light clicked on.

He didn't have time to enjoy it for long, however, as at that point someone hit him on the back of the head and the whole world exploded into darkness.

* * *

**Well, that's it for this chapter; hope you all enjoyed it and as always, reviews are very much appreciated :) Next time it's back to Soichiro's POV ;)**


	12. Discoveries

**Cloudcookulander: **Hmm...that never occurred to me, but what you said made a lot of sense, so I changed the chapter title accordingly. Thanks for pointing it out :-)

**Mystery Reviewers: **Thanks :-) And well observed XD Yes, the bombing incident did take place in England, and yes, L's parents (and L) lived in Japan. I know that seems like a massive gap in continuity, but there's a very simple explanation which will be given in the next chapter ;-) (At least, that part will be; how L ended up at Wammy's will have to wait quite a while longer...)

**Beezus: **Thanks, I'm glad you like it XD

**Soysauce: **Heh, I know. Still, the cliffhanger is officially over (at least, that one is ;-))

**Eru-chan: **Actually, I like Watari too; he never struck me as a villain, just someone who's a little too obsessed with doing good in the world ;-)

* * *

**JUNE 9 – 10**

Soichiro had not had a good day. As if having to deal with Tatenaka demanding answers hadn't been enough, he'd got back home at a quarter to nine to a frantic Sachiko telling him that L had apparently vanished with thirty thousand yen. Soichiro didn't believe for one minute that L was gone for good, just that he'd got carried away outside and lost track of time, but he was still furious with the young man for worrying Sachiko so badly and making enough noise to wake the dead when he _did _return.

_I'm going to kill him. I really am going to kill him_.

Mind full of fire, Soichiro strode downstairs and into his worst nightmare.

Sayu lay stretched out on her back on the table, naked. Sachiko's beloved cabinet had been knocked over (apparently by L, who was now lying motionless on top of it) and the door leading into the garden was wide open. There was no sign of anyone else.

_Not Sayu. Not my daughter. Not after Light._

Soichiro approached Sayu's form slowly, until he was in a position to look down at her. There was a small slit extending up from her navel, but it wasn't deep and Soichiro was sure that with a few stitches, it would heal fine. All that mattered was that Sayu was alive. Naked, completely unresponsive, but _alive_.

_L must have come back just in time. Frightened them off before they could finish, or drove them off, one or the other. _Soichiro didn't know whether L had intended to wake him or not and he didn't care; the young man's actions had saved Sayu's life and in that moment, Soichiro was ready to forgive L anything.

_L..._

Right on cue, there was a groan from around ankle level and Soichiro glanced down.

"Ryuzaki?"

L groaned again. He seemed to be trying to push himself up, but didn't have the strength.

"Yagami-_san_." His voice was hoarse. "Please call an ambulance. Now."

Soichiro dropped to one knee by L's prostrate form. "Ryuzaki—"

"_No_. No time. Sayu's been injected with some kind of paralyzing drug. Get an ambulance right _now_ before it gets to work on her diaphragm and she suffocates right here in front of you."

The urgency in L's tone got through to Soichiro, who straightened up and headed for the phone just in time to collide with an alarmed-looking Sachiko.

"Soichiro? What's going on?"

Soichiro looked at her, then said quietly, "There's no time to explain. Just get a blanket from the couch for Sayu and pack a bag for her. Someone broke into the house. She's been attacked. Injected with something."

Sachiko went white with shock and opened her mouth, but Soichiro was already calling for an ambulance. He rattled off his name, address and the situation in a voice that didn't sound at all like his own, then put down the phone, turned and almost tripped over his wife.

"They're coming," he said. It was a somewhat superfluous statement, but he felt like he had to say something. Anything.

"Good. I think Ryuzaki's hurt as well. Do you want me to pack a bag for him?"

Soichiro glanced at Sachiko sharply. "What?"

"He's bleeding, although I'm not sure where from, and I think he's hurt his hand. I can't be certain though; he won't let me near him."

Soichiro glanced over his shoulder at L, who was now balled up in a corner of the kitchen, then said in a very low voice, "Let me try. The ambulance is on its way; you go with Sayu to the hospital. We'll—"

He started to say _follow you_, but a loud banging on the door cut him off and he moved out of the way just as Sachiko opened it to admit the paramedics.

Soichiro watched numbly as his daughter was covered in a blanket, lifted onto a stretcher, had a mask placed over her face and was whisked out the house with Sachiko following.

"Well, they certainly got here quickly," L remarked in a strained voice. "Why didn't you go with them?"

"Sachiko says you're hurt."

The young man's face closed up instantly. "I see. Sachiko-_san_ is a lovely woman, but I believe she has something of a tendency to jump to conclusions."

Ignoring this, Soichiro crossed the room and settled down next to L, who shuffled away enough to make room for him in the corner.

"Why were you so late getting in?"

L didn't look at him. "I went back to Osaka and I...had a little difficulty getting away."

"Getting away from Tokyo," Soichiro said shrewdly, "or getting away from Osaka?"

"The second one." L stared at his knees for a few minutes. "I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_."

Soichiro's eyebrows shot up.

"_Sorry_?" he echoed. "Sorry for what? Saving my daughter's life? I don't think that's anything to apologize for, Ryuzaki."

"No, it's...I wasn't able to stop them leaving. I tried. I swear I tried, but..."

He looked away, biting his lip and cradling his hand to his chest tenderly.

"What happened to your hand?" The older man kept his tone light, casual, as if the answer didn't really matter to him.

"It's fine, Yagami-_san_."

"If it's fine, why are you holding it like that?"

Shrug. "Just am."

Soichiro studied him for a few seconds and then calmly placed his hand over L's uninjured one and rested it there.

L stared at him – Soichiro could almost hear the inner battle being waged – then, slowly, he allowed the older man to move the hand away and take a closer look at the injury. Given Sachiko had been met with a flat refusal, Soichiro supposed it was a mark of progress that L had allowed him to look at it at all. There was no question that the hand was broken; two of L's knuckles had completely caved in and the entire hand was beginning to swell.

"That must have been quite some punch," Soichiro remarked. "I'm surprised he was still conscious at the end of it."

"I'm surprised _I_ was," L mumbled.

"Why didn't you say anything when the paramedics were here?"

"Because I knew they'd insist on bundling me off to hospital. I don't need to go and to be honest with you, Yagami-_san_, I've had one of the worst afternoons and evenings of my life and I'm too tired to argue with anyone. I just want to get this cleaned up and go to sleep. And you should be with Sayu." L smiled reassuringly, or tried to; it came out looking more like a death rictus. "But if you could get me your family's first aid kit before you leave, I would be very grateful." The attempted grin slid off his face and he added in a much quieter tone, "I'm not sure I can stand up."

Soichiro stared at him, then shook his head. "I can't leave you here, Ryuzaki, not with that injury. You need to go to hospital."

"I don't _do_ hospitals," L insisted.

"You're _doing_ this one if I have to carry you every step of the way. Come on. The sooner you get there, the sooner you can get back."

"That is such a...a _parental_ thing to say."

"I _am_ a parent, Ryuzaki, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Not mine."

Soichiro wasn't quite so sure – except in the purely biological sense, of course – since he'd been more or less functioning in that role from the moment he brought L back from Aomori City, but he knew better than to say so.

"That doesn't matter," he said instead. "All I care about right now is getting you seen to." He started to get to his feet, but L caught hold of his sleeve.

"Wait. There's something...DNA."

"DNA?" Soichiro echoed, puzzled.

L held out the back of his broken hand for inspection. "This blood isn't mine, Yagami-_san_."

_He split the attacker's lip._ Soichiro stared at the thin froth of blood on L's knuckles, mind buzzing. _DNA. He didn't just get rid of them, he got a DNA sample. Oh Ryuzaki, you genius._

"Alright." Soichiro got to his feet and headed over to where he knew Sachiko kept a roll of cling film, and tore off a piece. The blood had mostly dried now, but L had tilted his hand in such a way as to have it dry in one place and make it easier for Soichiro to remove some of it with a spoon and wrap it in the cling film. A little searching turned up an envelope and Soichiro dropped the precious sample inside it, sealing the flap. Dried blood wasn't as good as fresh for obtaining DNA, but it worked so long as it was only a few weeks old. He'd take this down the lab as soon as he got back to work. In the meantime, he had to deal with L, whose grip on coherence was visibly weakening, though Soichiro had no idea why. A broken hand shouldn't be enough to do this.

"Did they inject you, Ryuzaki? Whatever they gave to Sayu, did they give it to you too?"

L's face took on the glassy expression of someone hearing something in a foreign language and he didn't answer. Soichiro decided to try something a little simpler.

"Can you stand?"

When L still didn't respond, the older man took hold of his good hand and helped him to his feet.

That was the plan, at any rate. The _reality_ was that L's hand slithered out of Soichiro's as though it had been greased.

Soichiro stared at the blood on his hand, then at L, who didn't seem inclined to meet his gaze. The back of the young man's hand was fairly clean, but the palm and underside of the fingers were slathered with blood.

_Too much blood. Far too much_. _He didn't get all this from punching someone._

"Ryuzaki?" His voice was very soft now, cold dread sliding into his mind. He held up his blood-soaked hand. "Ryuzaki, what's this?"

L stared at him with a glazed expression, then very slowly uncurled enough for Soichiro to see the blood soaking the young man's t-shirt and jeans.

_Was that why you were so determined to keep Sachiko away? So that she wouldn't see this?_ The injury was in such a place that L's normal habit of curling into a ball had concealed both it and the blood on his t-shirt completely.

"What happened to you?" If L had gone ballistic and stabbed one of the killers, Soichiro would file it as self-defense and say no more about it, but he had to know.

L blinked a few times, that same look of dull suffering on his face, then lifted his t-shirt to reveal a chunk of glass in his hip. The injury was slightly swollen around the edges, and still bleeding a little where L's exertions had ripped the scabs open.

Soichiro stared at it, stunned, and heard himself say, "Oh, well, now you're _definitely_ going into hospital!"

"No. I'm fine. Just...dizzy." The glazed expression gave way to bewilderment, then L slumped sideways into Soichiro's leg. Not unconscious – at least, not yet – but too weak to stay upright, even in a sitting position. "Fine," he insisted.

"No you're not." Soichiro's voice was very soft as he knelt down. "Come on. Let's go. It's not far from here, we can take the car."

"Wait...water. Please."

Soichiro eyed him for a moment, wondering if L was just stalling, then got to his feet and headed for the sink and the cupboard where the glasses were kept. It wasn't as though the young man was in any fit state to make a bolt for it the second his back was turned.

"Alright." He filled a glass with water and brought it back over to L. "Here."

The water seemed to help; L gulped it down and stared around, looking a little more aware.

"What have you eaten today?" Soichiro asked.

L turned the stare on him, thought for a long time and then eventually said, "Lunch."

"I see. Well, I'll bring some food with us to the hospital."

"Not hungry."

Soichiro just nodded. Injuries of that caliber could do funny things to a person. If L said he wasn't hungry, he wouldn't force the young man to eat.

"Alright. It'll keep until you are. Come on. Come on, I'll help you." He reached out, only to have L flinch away from him, curling both knees up to protect his belly. There was a short pause, then Soichiro added in a gentler voice, "Ryuzaki, I'm not going to hurt you."

"There is a piece of glass embedded in my flesh, Yagami-_san_." L spoke slowly, his words a little slurred but clear. "I fail to see how you're going to remove it _without_ hurting me."

Soichiro shook his head. "I'm not. I don't have the training to take it out and I don't have the instruments. If I tried, it would splinter and you'd end up worse off. You're going to hospital."

L tightened his lips. "No. I...I can't."

"Why not?" When no answer was forthcoming, Soichiro went on. "Did you have some kind of traumatic experience in a hospital?"

"No. Just _hate_ them. They stink. _And _they're full of germs."

"They are _not_ full of germs, Ryuzaki."

"Well, nobody ever goes to the hospital because they're in perfect health," L countered. "Did you know most superbugs originate in hospitals? I don't want to pick up some kind of disease, Yagami-_san_. I've only just recovered from the last one. And the minute I show up, they'll inject me with...with something."

"Oh, I see. You're frightened of needles."

"No, it's just...I've already been injected once today and I don't want it to happen again so soon! And not just because there could be some kind of medical com...pli...cations," L finished in a suddenly small voice as he caught sight of Soichiro's expression.

"What do you mean, you've been injected once today? What happened?"

A calculating look came into L's eyes and he said at last, "I don't remember."

"You _do _remember, Ryuzaki." Soichiro wasn't to be put off that easily. "You were there. You remember the injection, so you must remember some of the circumstances."

"Yagami-_san, _you're safer not knowing about them."

"I don't believe that either. If whoever did it isn't any kind of threat, then your telling me about them won't matter. If they are, then I want to know exactly what I'm dealing with. I don't like surprises, Ryuzaki."

For a long time he thought L wasn't going to answer him, then the young man sighed. "Just...if someone comes to the door looking for me, a kind of short guy with a cold feel about him, tell him where I am."

There was a short pause. Then Soichiro said, "What?"

"You have to, Yagami-_san_. If you lie to him, or if he _thinks_ you're lying to him, he'll torture Sayu to get his answers out of you. I don't think he knows I'm staying with you, but if he _does_..."

"Who is he?"

"Someone from my past, someone I'd hoped never to see again. You don't need to know any more than that."

"Ryuzaki, if you think—"

"_Please_, Yagami-_san_." There was an odd expression on L's face. If Soichiro hadn't known better, he would have said the young man was _scared_. "Leave it. It's me he wants, not you or your family. There's no reason for you to get involved."

"I am involved, Ryuzaki." Soichiro never took his eyes off L's face. "I became involved the minute you emailed me for help. Did this person kidnap you?"

There was a long, long silence. Then L said in a very quiet voice, "Not exactly."

"But he _is _the reason why you were so late back."

It wasn't a question. L shifted his weight, then looked away and didn't answer.

"Ryuzaki, did he do this to you?" Soichiro indicated the glass in L's hip.

"No. I fell down." Seeing the older man's expression, L managed a weak smile. "I know you probably hear that a lot in your line of work, Yagami-_san_, but it's true. I had to leave through the window and I landed awkwardly." He winced. "I think the bleeding's slowed. I'll be fine now."

"I admire your tenacity, Ryuzaki – sometimes," Soichiro amended, "but it makes no difference what you say. You are going into hospital and you are going there _now_."

"I _told_ you, I'm _fine_!" L dragged himself to his feet, swayed there for a few seconds, and then collapsed.

* * *

It was late the following afternoon when L woke up again, this time in Toshima General Hospital, Soichiro having taken advantage of the young man's unconsciousness to bring him in and instruct the doctors to do what needed to be done before L came to.

Sayu would live. The cut hadn't been severe – even Soichiro could tell that – and although it would scar, she'd be fine, at least physically. Mentally it was too early to tell; she'd been given something or other to counter the effects of the whatever it was she'd been initially dosed with, anesthetized, sutured, sedated and was still sleeping, leaving Soichiro free to check on L.

He sat down by the young man's bed and waited. L's hand had been carefully splinted and bandaged, and the glass had been taken out of his hip and the injury cleaned. Now the only thing to do was to wait for him to wake up.

Soichiro sighed. That wasn't likely to be a pleasant experience. He hoped the fact that he'd managed to persuade the doctors to let L keep his jeans would help; he didn't think L would take too kindly to waking up in one of those hospital gowns. It had taken a lot of doing on his part, but he'd managed it in the end.

Sitting down in one of the chairs, he pulled out a newspaper and began reading it. His own press release about the murders had been pushed back to page two, to make room for Tatenaka's statement that the NPA had dedicated itself to capturing the people responsible before the month was out.

_Idiot. Does he really think that's going to reassure people?_ Soichiro shook his head in despair. They could do with catching the culprits before the end of the day, never mind the end of the month.

He'd got as far as the classifieds when L said, "Yagami-_san_."

Soichiro folded up the paper and put it on one side.

"Ryuzaki?"

L opened his eyes a crack and turned to look at Soichiro, but didn't say anything.

"How are you feeling?" Soichiro asked, after the silence had dragged on for some time.

"Lousy. Next question? No, wait, my turn; what the hell am I doing here?"

"You were badly injured and this is a hospital. Do you really need me to break it down any further?"

L struggled to sit up. "Goddamnit! I _told _you—!"

"And _I _told _you_ that you don't give me orders," Soichiro overrode him. "I couldn't give you the help you needed and I didn't want to see you bleed to death or get an infection in my house, so I brought you here when you collapsed. I also bought you some strawberry ramune, although if you're going to behave like this, then I'll wait until you've calmed down before I give it to you."

L fell back on his elbows, his head lolling on his neck. Somehow he found enough strength to raise it and look at Soichiro.

"Has anyone been looking for me? Anyone at all? Has anyone spoken to you about me?"

"Only the doctor. Ryuzaki, what—"

"Are you _sure_ he was a doctor? Did you check his credentials?"

"_Her_ credentials. And no, I didn't. I was a little preoccupied making sure you and Sayu were going to be alright."

"Her," L echoed. For a moment he seemed lost in thought, then he looked at Soichiro again. "The doctor's a woman?"

"Yes."

"You're _sure_?" L persisted.

Just what kind of anesthetics were they giving in Toshima General these days, Soichiro wondered.

"Yes, I'm sure. What do you want me to do; show her my badge and use my authority as deputy director to get her to strip?"

L looked hopeful. "Can you do that?"

"_No_!"

The young man dropped back into his reverie for a few seconds, then came out of it again enough to ask, "And she's the only one who's been treating me for anything?"

"Well, there was her and a nurse—"

"Was the nurse female as well?" L interrupted.

"I—yes. Why on earth does that matter?"

L didn't answer for a long time, and when he did it was addressed more to himself than Soichiro.

"He...no. No, not even _he_ would go _that_ far."

Apparently satisfied with whatever conclusion he'd reached, L relaxed back onto the bed, winced, and tried to sit up again. This time he managed it.

"But...how did I get here? I mean, really get here? I remember...you came downstairs, right?"

"Yes. You passed out in my kitchen from blood loss and, I suspect, shock, so I decided to bring you in before you could wake up enough to argue. I got them to give you a local anesthetic so they could take the glass out and fix your hand. You're all cleaned up and there should be no lasting damage, though you'll need to come back to have the stitches taken out. Any more questions?"

"Yes. Can I go?"

"They need to keep you under observation—"

"Wrong." L swung his legs over the side of his bed and stood, then raised a hand to his head, swaying slightly.

"No you don't." Soichiro caught him just in time and sat him back down on the bed.

"Yagami-_san—_"

"_No_, Ryuzaki. You're not leaving this hospital – you're not even leaving this room except for the bathroom – until you've been given the all-clear by the doctor."

"I don't _like_ hospitals!" L struggled to get to his feet again, but Soichiro pushed him back into a sitting position. This time he held him there.

"I'm not too fond of them either, but I'm not going to take you out before you're ready."

"I'm ready! Let's go!"

"Nor will I allow you to be rude to any of the medical staff who come in to treat you. It's not their fault you hate hospitals."

L stared at him, his expression half mutinous, half unsure. At last he said, "You can't stop me."

"No, you're right about that. But if you want to get out of here fast, insulting the people who decide when you're ready to go isn't the most effective way to go about it."

"You don't understand, Yagami-_san_. I can't be here. Not in such a public place. It isn't safe."

"It's hardly Shinjuku station here, Ryuzaki. And I'm not going to let anything happen to you, not after what you did." Soichiro was quiet for a few seconds, then added, "Thank you."

L blinked. "For what?"

"For saving my daughter's life."

The young man colored and looked away. "Don't thank me, Yagami-_san_;thank the taxi driver who brought me back. If he'd dropped me at Sunshine City and left me to walk the rest of the way as I asked him to..." L couldn't finish the sentence.

Neither could Soichiro. Sunshine City was fifteen minutes' brisk walk from their house, and as badly injured as he was, L would have been anything but brisk.

"You took a taxi from the station?" Soichiro had done that once or twice himself, when he'd been too tired to face the underground. "How did you manage that on only two thousand yen?"

L went bright red. "Ah...the driver gave me a reduced rate. Sort of. I asked him to take me as far as he could on two thousand yen, but he insisted on bringing me back to your door. I left him the money. It seemed the least I could do after bleeding in his cab."

"Did you get his name?"

"No, but I memorized the license plate. I'll tell it to you as soon as you get me out of this place, Yagami-_san_, and not a second before."

Soichiro chuckled a little at that. His nerves felt as though they'd been scraped raw with a razor and he'd got almost no sleep, but that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered to him was that his daughter had survived her ordeal.

_Thanks to Ryuzaki_.

"Alright," he said aloud. "Though I'm still not certain why you went out in the first place."

L blinked at him. "Didn't Sachiko-_san_ tell you?"

"All Sachiko said was that she'd given you thirty thousand yen to go and fetch something. I didn't know whether to start looking for you in Osaka or Ginza."

L swallowed hard. "Yagami-_san_, I _swear_, I didn't just take that money and run. I never had any intention of not coming back. I just had to go back to Osaka and fetch that thing I mentioned before. I thought I could just take the _shinkansen_ and be back by the evening, but...something went wrong. And that reminds me..." He rummaged about in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. "You'll need this."

Soichiro took it, nonplussed. "What is it?"

"A claim ticket. Your suit is still at the dry cleaners." L paused, then said in a smaller voice, "Um...did you mention something about ramune?"

The older man glanced at him, then pulled out the bottle and passed it over. "Here. Don't drink it all at—"

L grabbed the bottle, cracked the top off and chugged half the soda in one go.

"—once," Soichiro finished wearily. "If you throw it up, don't blame me."

"I'm not going to throw it up, Yagami-_san,_" L protested. "I'm just thirsty. I haven't drunk a thing since lunch yesterday, except that glass of water you brought me." He gulped down the rest of the ramune and dropped back onto his elbows, breathing rapidly, and looked around for a trashcan.

"Here." Soichiro passed it over and L dropped the empty bottle into it gratefully.

"Thank you." He hesitated, then said, "Um...can we get some more on the way home?"

_Oh, so it's home now, is it_? Soichiro thought but didn't say. _Well, that's a change._

He took a deep breath. He'd have to break this to L sooner or later, and it may as well be now.

"Ryuzaki...the situation's a little different now."

"What do you mean?" Was that fear in L's eyes? "What's different about it?"

"You and Sayu are now the victims of an attempted murder. You've been assigned police protection—"

"I don't want police protection!"

"It's out of my hands, Ryuzaki. It's the whole family, not just you. We can't go back to our old house; that's being combed over by forensics right now and there's always a chance that the people who tried to do this may decide to try again. If we stay with anyone else, we'll just endanger them. There are people in the NPA who'd help me and my family, but..."

"But that offer doesn't include someone like me, right?" L supplied bitterly.

"Ryuzaki—"

"Tell your friends they can keep their damn protection. I'll find my own hiding place. There's got to be somewhere I can find a warmer welcome than the rest of the NPA."

"Really?" Soichiro folded his arms. "And just whereabouts might that be?"

"Oh, I don't know. Pyongyang?"

"_Ryuzaki!_"

"It's not _my_ fault I'm a freak, Yagami-_san_." There was a plaintive note in L's voice that Soichiro couldn't ignore. "I never _wanted_ to turn out this way, it just...sort of happened to me."

"You're not a freak," Soichiro said quietly.

"You're just saying that because I'm _your_ freak."

The older man closed his eyes for a few seconds, then opened them again. "_No_. I'm saying it because you're my friend, and because I know you well enough to know it's true."

L looked away, blinking rapidly.

"Very nice and touching, Yagami-_san_," he said at last, "but it doesn't change the fact that they're a lot more willing to protect you than they are me."

"That doesn't matter. I'm not going to leave you; we'll think of something."

"Don't mistake me. I don't blame you for wanting to protect your family; I'd be the same in your position. But don't try and pretend that you'll risk the lives of your wife and daughter just to save me. You'll do what any family man would do; get them and yourself the best protection with the best people available."

Soichiro took a deep breath, then let it out in half a sigh. "Ryuzaki, have I ever given you any reason at _all_ not to trust me?"

"...No," L admitted, then added in a much quieter voice, "That's what scares me. And I don't care what you say, Yagami-_san_, I still owe you for Aomori."

"Everything's always about debts with you, isn't it?" With a supreme effort, Soichiro managed to keep any frustration out of his voice. "Ryuzaki, you just saved my daughter's _life_. Anything you may have owed me has been paid back with interest. You can't believe I'm going to just cut you loose after that. Even if I wanted to - which I don't - Sachiko would kill me."

L was quiet for a long time, then he said, "What am I going to do?"

Soichiro had an odd feeling that L wasn't referring to anything they'd discussed so far.

"About what?" he asked.

Another long silence, broken only by the faint clicking sound as L chewed on his thumbnail. At last he said, "Yagami-_san, _can I trust you?"

The older man didn't hesitate. "Yes, of course."

"I mean _really_ trust you. Would you put your life on the line for me?"

It was Soichiro's turn to fall silent, in his case for several minutes as he thought about what L had just asked him.

"_My_ life?" he said finally. "Yes, Ryuzaki. I would, if that's what it came down to. But not the lives of my family. You were right about that one."

L dismissed that last part with a single flick of his finger, sat there for a few moments longer, then said in a low voice, "I'm in trouble."

"Believe it or not, I worked that much out for myself when you came back with half a window pane stuck in your hip."

"_No_." L closed his eyes slowly, as if doing so took immeasurable effort. "I mean _real_ trouble, Yagami-_san_. There's someone after me."

Soichiro nodded. "I see. Would that be the same someone who knocked you out and took you prisoner when you went back to Watari's old house?"

L's eyes snapped open again and he stared at Soichiro. "_How_ in the—"

"You've said I'm a good man, Ryuzaki, but you don't seem to think I'm a very intelligent one. The only place you would go to in Osaka is back to Watari's house. Nobody else would live there who wasn't from Wammy's House unless they were squatters, only squatters don't usually carry the kind of drugs you were given. You're also no stranger to fights nor, I would assume, kidnap attempts. That meant that someone was there, and that someone was waiting for you."

L turned his head away and Soichiro cursed. He'd done it again. Too much, too quickly.

"Is that why you didn't want to come in?" he asked in a softer voice. "Because you thought it would be too easy for this person to come in and kidnap you in a public place?"

Lips tight, L nodded once. "It wouldn't take much. A white coat, a stethoscope and a fake ID. He's Japanese, so he won't even stand out as a foreigner. And...I don't think I'm strong enough to fight him like this. Sato can just walk in and take me whenever he wants."

"Sato?" Soichiro echoed.

"Hideaki Sato. Don't bother looking him up; it's a false name. I don't know what his real one is. All I know is that Wammy's House sent him to replace Watari, and now he's after me, and if he _finds_ me here, all he has to do is drug me, stick me in a wheelchair and walk out."

"I won't let that happen," Soichiro said very quietly. "Whatever it takes, Ryuzaki, I won't let that happen. I promise."

The young man didn't look at him. "And exactly how are you planning to prevent it, Yagami-_san_? You can't spend every minute of every hour of every day with me; you have to sleep sometime. That's not counting the fact that Sayu needs you more than I do right now."

Soichiro simply nodded. "Alright then. You've dealt with the NPA on more than one occasion. Is there anyone there except me who you would trust not to sell you out to this person?"

There was a long, long silence, then L said, "I don't know. Maybe Matsuda, if he's talking to you again."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?"

L swiveled his head to look at Soichiro, a small smile on his face. "It means I know you just as well as you know me. But...yes. If I had to pick someone from the task force to trust besides you, it would be Matsuda." Quietly: "He was the only other one who came back."

Soichiro nodded once, and got to his feet. "Alright."

The smile vanished from L's face. "Wait—where are you going?"

"To call him. I have to go outside; they won't let me use my phone in here."

"You could arrest them."

"Ten minutes, Ryuzaki. That's all." Soichiro strolled out, taking care to close the door behind him and being careful not to add the _other_ reason for his going outside, namely that he was desperate for a cigarette. He didn't smoke often, but he thought even Sachiko – who was still with Sayu – wouldn't begrudge him one now, given the circumstances.

Heading outside, he took out one of his cigarettes and lit up, inhaling deeply. Better enjoy this one; Sachiko hated him smoking and while she didn't nag him about it, she _would_ always find a genteel way of expressing her disapproval.

Soichiro smoked the cigarette right down to the filter, then ground the butt out under his shoe, pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Matsuda's number. It was picked up on the first ring.

"For the last time, I am _not_ interested in answering any of your dumb questions!" Matsuda's voice (and accompanying Shimane dialect, a sure sign that he was royally pissed off) was as close to a yell as Soichiro had ever heard it. "Take the goddamn hint and stop bugging me about it! You know you're talking to a police officer, don't you?"

"So are you," Soichiro informed him, before Matsuda had a chance to hang up the phone.

"Oh...Yagami-_bucho_!" In the background, Soichiro heard someone – he thought it was Aizawa – laugh. "I'm sorry! I thought it was that guy doing a survey again."

"It's alright. Listen, I need you to do something. Drop whatever it is you're doing and come down to the Toshima Central Hospital right now. Don't tell anyone where you're going, just get down here." Soichiro glanced over his shoulder at the window into L's room, or at least in the general direction of where he thought it was. "I have an important job for you."

* * *

**So, next up, L's reunion with some of the former task force ;-) We'll have to see how that pans out...XD**


	13. Reunion

**Mystery Reviewer: **Thanks XD

**Beezus: **Heh, thanks :-) Yeah, Matsuda's frustrating sometimes, but you gotta love him XD

* * *

**JUNE 10**

"Wow! _Really_?"

"Yes, really." In spite of the situation and the fact that he'd had very little sleep, Soichiro managed a faint smile at Matsuda's obvious enthusiasm. "Ryuzaki asked for you personally."

"Fantastic! Has he eaten anything today? Only I bought these for him on the way over." Matsuda held out three crepes, still in their wrappers. On one of the wrappers, he'd written the words _Get Well Soon_.

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Matsuda—"

"He'll understand, Yagami-_bucho_. Please. It can't do any harm and I know he likes them. I got him a savory one as well, just in case he was bored with sweet stuff. You don't mind, do you?"

The smile became a little more real. Something about Matsuda's eternal bounciness was contagious, although Soichiro hadn't realized just how subdued the young detective had become following L's apparent death until he saw him get back to normal so suddenly.

Fortunately, as far as Soichiro could make out, Matsuda's abrupt return to his happy, bubbly attitude had been dismissed by his colleagues as being a direct result of his idiocy, his inability to keep his emotions in check and his general, well, Matsuda-ness.

"Can I see him? Is he awake?"

"He was when I left him. Matsuda, you're not here on a social basis. You're here as security."

"I know, but I can at least say _hi_, right? Right? And Aizawa came as well; he wants to talk to Ryuzaki."

_Yes, I just bet he does_, Soichiro thought wearily. He would also bet that the only thing Aizawa wanted to discuss with L would be the murder case, and the deputy director didn't want that to happen until he'd at least given L some warning. Aizawa often got a little carried away when it came to pressuring people.

"Alright. Come on then."

He led Matsuda and a rather tense looking Aizawa into L's room, which was still empty except for its occupant. There was a short, frozen moment, then Matsuda stepped forward so fast he almost knocked Soichiro over.

"Ryuzaki!"

L glanced up at him. "Idiot."

Even that wasn't enough to check Matsuda's enthusiasm. "Ryuzaki, you have no idea how happy I am to see you!"

"No; judging from your inane smile, I have a very good idea how happy you are."

Matsuda held up the basket. "I brought food."

"Oh?" Now L looked slightly more interested.

"See?" Matsuda thrust the food in question under L's nose. The young man stared at the crepes, then snickered quietly, shaking his head and glanced up at Matsuda.

"Idiot," he said again. The tone of voice had changed with his expression; now they were two people sharing an inside joke. For the first time it dawned on Soichiro that Matsuda and L were a similar sort of age, although he thought Matsuda was probably two or three years older.

_Not that he acts it_.

Aizawa moved forward to stand next to his colleague and stared down at L, eyes dark.

"So it _is_ you," he stated.

"Did you think Yagami-_san_ was playing a prank?" L asked, placing his basket of crepes carefully on the side. "I wouldn't have said he was much of a practical joker, myself."

"Are you investigating these murders?"

"Aizawa!" Soichiro said sharply.

"It's a fair question, Yagami-_bucho_." Aizawa returned his attention to L, eyes narrowed intently. "What have you come up with?"

L's own eyes darkened momentarily, then he turned his head away. "Sorry. Can't help you."

"You mean you won't," Aizawa said bitingly. "A child _died_ three days ago, Ryuzaki! She died because you'd rather read a book or watch TV than do your job! Those kids are dead because of _yo__u_! Don't you have any feelings at _all_?" He waited a few seconds for L to answer and then, when this didn't happen, shook his head. "What am I saying? Of course you don't. We're nothing but chess pieces to you, are we?" He turned away. "Damn freak."

Soichiro rose to his feet. "Aizawa, get out!"

Aizawa looked stunned. "What? Yagami-_bucho_, you know I'm right. And if Ryuzaki won't help us, how soon before whoever did this strikes again?"

"I said _out_. Matsuda, you too!"

Matsuda stared at him, shocked. "What? What did _I_ do?"

"Nothing, but I need you to stand watch over the door. Make sure nobody comes in until I give you the word. Clear?"

The younger detective's chest inflated rather alarmingly at this (and why not, Soichiro thought; after all, it was about time Matsuda learned to cope with more responsibility) but he couldn't help casting a worried look in L's direction.

"Yagami-_bucho_..." He hesitated.

"It'll be alright, Matsuda. Don't worry about it. Just do what I told you."

For a moment it looked like Matsuda was going to protest, then he bowed and walked out.

One crisis dealt with. Soichiro closed the door behind Matsuda and turned his attention to L, who was so white that for a moment the older man seriously considered buzzing for a nurse.

"Ryuzaki?" he said very softly.

No response. Soichiro was certain Aizawa hadn't spoken out of any real malice, but that didn't change the effect his words had had.

_Just when I was starting to get somewhere._ Since L moved into the Yagamis' house, Soichiro had noticed that the young man was very gradually starting to come out of his shell...right on time for Aizawa's attack. End result, L had scampered straight back inside himself and slammed the door behind him.

"Ryuzaki?" he said again.

L didn't answer.

"Ryuzaki, please talk to me."

Still nothing. Checking to make sure he wasn't about to sit on anything vital, Soichiro perched on the side of the bed.

"I'm not going away, so you might as well answer me."

Silence.

"I'm sorry about what just happened. I thought Aizawa might mention the case to you, but I had no idea he'd launch into you like that."

Yet more silence. This one stretched out for a full three minutes before L finally spoke.

"Is that what you think of me as well, Yagami-_san_?"

"No." Soichiro said it with all the firmness he could muster. "It's not your fault this has happened. You offered to help more than once, and I turned you down. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine."

"Tell that to Aizawa."

"Oh, I will." Soichiro felt his heart grow hard as he thought of Aizawa's words. "What happened here will _not_ happen again, Ryuzaki. I give you my word on that."

"You won't be here all the time though," L muttered.

"No, I won't. But I know Aizawa, and he's not the kind of man to sneak around. He's many things, but he's not a coward, and he's not a bully either." Soichiro waited for a few seconds, and when the young man failed to say anything else, spoke up again. "Ryuzaki, is there anything I can do to help? Anything you want?"

L nibbled on his thumb for several moments and didn't answer.

"Ryuzaki?" Soichiro wasn't going to force L to confide in him, but nor was he going to let the young man withdraw inside himself again.

L gave a kind of tense, angry shrug. "You can't give me what I want, Yagami-_san_. Nobody can."

"And what exactly do you want?"

"I want..." L broke off.

"Go on."

"I want you – or _someone_ – to just...take away everything that's wrong with me. Make me _normal_."

Soichiro took a deep breath, then sighed.

"You're right, Ryuzaki," he said quietly. "I can't do that. I wouldn't if I could. If I took away all those personality quirks, then you wouldn't be, well, you."

"_Good!_ Being me is vastly overrated, Yagami-_san_. I should know. I've done it all my life. I just...I...I wish I was _you. _You _always_ know what to say and do, the whole time. You never had to deal with being a freak."

"I told you not to call yourself that," Soichiro admonished him, although part of him couldn't help feeling touched by L's other words.

"I don't _care_ what you told me!" L knocked the older man's arm away, still glaring at him. "I _am _a freak, Yagami-_san_. There's no point in pretending otherwise. I used to be a freak who solved cases and put criminals away, but now you've taken that away from me. I _know_ I'm different from everybody else. Why do you keep trying to make me believe I'm not?"

"I'm not," Soichiro answered very quietly. "I'm trying to get you to see that it doesn't matter."

"It matters to me."

"I know. I know." Soichiro risked putting his arm around L again. This time, the young man let him. They sat there like that for a few minutes, then Soichiro said, "Ryuzaki, I'm just going to step out for a few minutes, alright?"

"Where are you going?" L demanded, looking alarmed.

"To talk to Aizawa. You'll be alright here." It was half a question, half a statement.

"Are you—" Soichiro could see L swallow what he'd been about to say— "going to be long?"

The older man raised his eyebrows.

"Ryuzaki, you wouldn't be afraid that I'm going to abandon you here, would you?"

"...No," L said, after a pause that went on a fraction too long.

"Good, because I'm not. And no, I won't be long either." Soichiro got to his feet and strode out the door, taking care to shut it after him.

"You're supposed to be guarding the door," he snapped at Matsuda, who was leaning against the opposite wall.

Matsuda looked surprised. "I am. If I stood next to it, I'd have to rely on peripheral vision to see anyone coming, and then I'd have to turn to look at them which would mean one of their accomplices could come up behind me and knock me out. Standing here, I can see the door, anyone approaching down the corridor and I can't be caught unawares either."

"Ah." Soichiro considered this for a few seconds, thinking it through, then nodded. "Good thinking."

Matsuda's face lit up. "Thanks!"

The deputy director turned to Aizawa. "You, come with me."

Aizawa obeyed and followed Soichiro a little way down the corridor, too far away for L to overhear anything.

"Explain." Now Soichiro's voice was deadly quiet, and he pretended not to notice Matsuda sneaking close enough to listen. "And before you do, remember you're talking about the person who saved my daughter's life. Did it ever occur to you that Ryuzaki has _feelings_? Or do you simply not care if you hurt them? Because you did, Aizawa. You ripped open so many old wounds that I don't know how long they'll take to heal, if they ever do."

Aizawa dropped into a low bow. "Yagami-_bucho, _I really didn't mean to upset—"

"I see. You didn't mean to upset him, you just thought he was too much of a freak to feel anything at all and so you could say what you liked. Does that make everything alright in your book, Aizawa? Because it doesn't in mine."

Aizawa hesitated, then straightened up slowly and said, "I never meant for him to take it so...so strongly. I swear."

Strange as it may sound, Soichiro believed him. Aizawa had a sharp tongue – and L wasn't the first person to be cut with it by any means – but there was no spite in the younger man's nature.

"But I still stand by what I said," Aizawa continued. "Not the insults, but the rest of it. Whatever I think of him on a personal level doesn't come into this; Ryuzaki is the best detective in the world and that's not an exaggeration, that's the simple truth. We have three murders and one attempted murder—"

"_Three_ murders?" Soichiro interrupted, staring at Aizawa, who suddenly seemed very interested in examining the shine on his shoes. "What do you mean, three?"

"Now you've done it," Matsuda muttered to Aizawa, who straightened up a little.

"We weren't going to tell you about it until you were back at work—" he began.

"Why?" You could have frozen oxygen with Soichiro's tone.

"Because we knew you'd be occupied with Sayu-_san_. To be honest, Yagami-_bucho, _there was nothing new about this murder – if there had been, then one of us would have called you immediately – and we decided to wait."

"I'm delighted to hear you're so occupied with my peace of mind, Aizawa," Soichiro said very dryly. "And how exactly did you know what happened to my daughter, since even the media hasn't picked up on it yet and I know full well _I _haven't mentioned it?"

Aizawa frowned a little. "I don't remember who told me – it's been hell at the office – but someone must have." He glanced at Matsuda. "Did you know?"

Matsuda shook his head. "No. I knew something had happened to Sayu-_san_ and that was why Yagami-_bucho_ wasn't in today, but I had no idea what."

"When did this third murder take place?"

"Yesterday." Now Aizawa looked like he wished he was a thousand miles away.

"Where?"

"Toshima. Two blocks away from your family's house. They're saying it happened at about two ten am."

Soichiro stared at him, the room suddenly whirling around him.

"Are you telling me that because they failed to murder my daughter, they just went and killed someone else instead?"

Aizawa moistened his lips, not looking at Soichiro. "They may have meant to kill the other girl anyway. We don't know. But...I think it's likely. I mean, the people doing this are sticking to one murder per district. I can't see them changing the way they work." Glancing up, Aizawa took his life in his hands and plunged ahead. "And to be honest, Yagami-_bucho_, I still don't understand why you won't bring Ryuzaki in on it. We could really use him."

"Ryuzaki has been _used_ since he was a child, Aizawa!" Matsuda exploded. "Isn't it about time he got to decide for himself whether or not he wants to put his life on the line for our benefit? Anyway, he's an adult and a civilian, so Yagami-_bucho_ can't just order him around like he was one of the NPA, _and_ he just saved Sayu-_san_'s life! So just...just shut up!"

It was probably the lamest, most anticlimactic ending to a tirade that Soichiro had ever heard, but he had to admit it did the trick; Aizawa shut up.

For about five seconds.

"Yagami-_bucho_, will you at least explain why you won't ask him? Because listening to the two of you, I feel like I've missed half the story here. I won't push it with him, but I'd just like to be on the same page as everyone else."

"Ryuzaki has indicated that he would be willing to help," Soichiro stated, "but I don't believe he'd be able to cope with the pressure."

"He was just fine during the Kira investigation. How could this be any worse?"

"How do you _know_?" Matsuda demanded before Soichiro could get a word out. "Which one of us bothered to ask? Which of us bothered to ask him _anything_? We don't even know where he comes from, let alone his innermost feelings!"

"No, we know where he comes from, Matsuda," Soichiro said very quietly. "We know who he is."

Matsuda's jaw dropped. "You _do_? Well then, who is he?"

"There was a bombing incident in England a while ago," Aizawa answered, looking a little relieved at being able to switch to a less volatile subject. "Somehow the British police, all the security guards, you name it, they all missed it. Nobody could catch the one behind it."

Matsuda frowned, visibly racking his brains. At last he said, "I don't remember that."

"No, well, you wouldn't. I say it was _a while ago_, but in fact it was about fifteen years back. Ryuzaki would have been around seven or eight at the time. Anyway, he figured out who was behind it and managed to avert a very nasty incident. That's all I know. Well, it's all anyone in Japan really knows; we only heard that much because Ryuzaki shot to nationwide fame overnight, especially in and around Aomori. That's where he comes from originally. It's where he and his family were living."

"But you said this happened in England," Matsuda pointed out. "How could he have prevented a bombing in England when he and his parents were still living in _Japan_?"

Aizawa gave Matsuda a withering look. "For god's sake, Matsuda! Haven't you ever heard of a _holiday abroad_? Ryuzaki and his parents went to England for a month during the summer. It was just bad luck they were there at the same time as this was going on." He considered this for a few seconds, then added, "Or good luck, I suppose, depending on how you look at it."

"...Oh." Matsuda went red and fiddled with his fingers, not looking at anyone.

There was a short silence, then Soichiro said, "Alright. I'm going back to Ryuzaki. And Aizawa—"

Aizawa bowed again. "Yes. I know. I'll apologize to him."

"Good." Never one to drag these things out, Soichiro returned to L's room, closely followed by Matsuda and Aizawa, who shut the door behind him and turned to face L.

"Ryuzaki...I'm sorry for what I said. I wasn't thinking."

L stared at him for a few seconds. "Are you saying that because it's true, or because Yagami-_san_ ordered you to?"

"Both, I suppose. In a way."

The young man continued to regard Aizawa for a while longer, then he looked away. "Fine, then."

Soichiro sat down on one of the visitor's chairs. "Ryuzaki, there's been a...a development."

L snorted. "Another one?"

"This one concerns the attempted murder yesterday." That was just about doable. If he didn't have to mention Sayu's name in connection with that attempted murder, Soichiro thought he might be able to make it through the day without screaming at someone.

L glanced back at him. "Oh?"

"You look surprised," Aizawa commented.

"I am surprised. For a moment there I thought Yagami-_san_ was going to tell me about the _actual_ murder that was committed in Toshima a couple of hours later."

Soichiro stared at him, shocked. "You _knew_ about that?"

"I expected it. These murders are planned, even if the victims are random, so that suggests that the time between each one has some kind of significance. The victims were quite definitely from different districts of Tokyo, but not far enough apart to be any kind of attempt to throw the police off the scent, so the locations must be important for some reason. Having failed in their first attempt to find a victim in Toshima, it was only logical they would try again. The fact that they tried so soon after and so close to your home, Yagami-_san_, would indicate that it's not just the place but the date which has some kind of significance. There was some reason why they couldn't just come back another night." L took a gigantic bite out of one of his crepes and chewed it amiably, watching Soichiro with the air of one who is waiting to see what happens next.

"...dates...and...locations...significant," mumbled Aizawa, who had pulled out an envelope and been scribbling down the salient points of L's answer using Matsuda's back as a table.

"I...see." Soichiro hesitated, then went on. "In that case, bearing in mind what you and I agreed back in Osaka, would you mind if we discussed the case here in front of you?"

L swallowed his mouthful and answered, "To be honest, Yagami-_san_, I would welcome the mental exercise, so discuss all you want. Do you know what they injected Sayu_-san_ with yet?"

Soichiro glanced at Matsuda, who started rummaging around in his pockets.

"Yes, we got the report back from the lab early this morning on Yuka Hyuga. Hang on, I know I've got it here somewh—ah!" Matsuda pulled out a piece of paper and studied it. "Pancuronium bromide. Also called Pavulon. Here." He held the paper out to Soichiro, who took it. "I don't know how much Sayu-_san_ had, but you'd need quite a lot to kill someone. I mean, to _guarantee_ that you'd kill them."

"And since you know about it, I assume the medical profession uses it," Soichiro commented.

Aizawa stared from Matsuda to Soichiro, then back to Matsuda again. "What the hell would they use something like _that_ for?"

"Intubation." As always when discussing medical matters, Matsuda's voice lost a lot of its normal bounce. "If you have to get a breathing tube down someone's throat in a hurry, it suppresses the gag reflex. It's not used very often, because of the side effects and ethical considerations. And they use it with anesthetics for surgery."

Soichiro glanced at Matsuda, then folded the note and put it away. "What do you mean, with anesthetics?"

"Well, all it does is paralyze you completely."

"That's a pretty big _all_," Aizawa observed.

"Yes, but it doesn't knock you out or stop you feeling. Or seeing, or hearing."

There was a long, long silence. Then Aizawa said, "What...are you telling us the victims were _conscious_?"

Matsuda looked away. "I can't say. I mean, it can't be used as a sedative by itself, but I don't think it could stop you passing out through shock or fear." Looking at Soichiro, he added in a very quiet voice, "But...yes. Since none of them were knocked on the head or restrained in any way, I think they were fully aware of what was being done. They just couldn't say or do anything about it. That's what that stuff does."

"Why do they use it at all then?" Soichiro demanded.

"Because it works faster than most other drugs that do the same thing, and timing can be critical. If you only have three minutes to intubate, say, you can't mess around with a drug that won't take effect for _ten_ minutes." Matsuda scratched his head. "But if I remember right, it takes longer to paralyze someone for surgery, though don't quote me on any of this. Like I told you, I'm not a doctor, just a med-school dropout."

Soichiro and Aizawa exchanged looks, then Aizawa said, "How much longer?"

"A few minutes. You'd have to get one of the doctors in and ask them if you want a more specific answer, but we're not talking hours. Five minutes? Ten?"

There was a long silence, then Aizawa turned to L. "Ryuzaki...I'm sorry for what I said earlier, but even if you don't want to get involved, you must have a theory or two."

"Four theories regarding the motivation, and another four about the people behind it," L answered immediately.

"Then why the hell won't you help us narrow it down? How is _that_ getting involved? Don't you _want_ to see this person caught?"

"Aizawa!" Soichiro glanced at L. "You don't have to answer that."

L smiled. "And _you_ don't have to protect me quite so vigorously, Yagami-_san_. Aizawa's right; sharing my speculations with you hardly qualifies as getting involved. And I've had a long time in this damn hospital to speculate since you left me all alone in this cold, impersonal room for hour after hour—"

"Ten minutes," Soichiro corrected him.

"Well, it _felt_ like hours. Next time you decide to rip Aizawa a new one, can you do it in a bookshop?"

"Sachiko went back to get an overnight bag for you and Sayu, Ryuzaki. I'm sure she'll bring your books along as well."

"Good. This place is boring me out of my skull." There was a pause, then L jerked upright. "_Overnight_? I have to stay in this place _overnight_?"

"I told you, Ryuzaki, you're not leaving until the doctor gives you the all-clear. What's your opinion on these murders?"

L curled up, leaning back against the wall, and sighed.

"Alright. Like I said, there are four possible motivations." He held up a hand and counted them off on his fingers. "One: this is some kind of vengeance spree. The police make enemies wherever they go, and it's possible the killers came after Sayu-_san_ to take revenge on Yagami-_san_."

"That doesn't explain the first two murders," Aizawa pointed out.

"It does," L replied, "if we consider the idea that these people didn't want suspicion to fall on them. If Sayu-_san_ had been the only one targeted, the NPA might have considered the possibility that it was a revenge killing much sooner. By making it look like the latest in a spree of brutal murders, there's every chance that the police will say the same thing that Aizawa just did. However, it is the second least likely hypothesis."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Why's that?"

"Because people who take revenge on someone want that person to know what they've done. The methods may vary, but the motive is always the same. If this were truly an act of revenge, then they would have left some kind of message for you."

Matsuda perked up. "You mean like _You put my brother behind bars so now I'm going to terrify your daughter and rip out her heart_?"

"Tactless as ever, Matsuda, but yes. Of course, that may still have been their intention; let's not forget that I did interrupt them before they could really get anywhere. It's also possible that the people who attacked Sayu-_san_ had nothing to do with whoever committed the first two murders; they could have decided upon that method to try and avoid suspicion."

Aizawa pulled his chair a little closer to L, all animosity forgotten. "So...a copycat killer?"

"That's rather a misleading term, but I understand what you're trying to say, so yes."

"Alright." Soichiro wished he'd brought a notebook and pen into this discussion. He'd just have to rely on his own memory, and those of Matsuda and Aizawa. L hated repeating himself, but maybe Soichiro could persuade him to go through all this again if he bought the young man a new book or something. "You said that's the second least likely scenario. What's the _least_ likely?"

"Exactly the same, only with me as the target instead of Sayu-_san_. I have plenty of enemies, and it's not impossible that one of them has found out I'm still alive. In which case, this would be purely a vengeance killing. However, as I said, it's very unlikely. The next theory, of course, is that whoever's doing this is just plain crazy. In which case, their choice of Sayu-_san_ as a victim is simply an unfortunate coincidence."

"But there's more than one person doing it," Aizawa pointed out. "I could believe _one_ person might be crazy enough to do something like that, but _two_? Or more?"

L shrugged. "A lot of the worst serial killers and torturers had accomplices. It's unlikely we'll know for certain until we catch at least one of the people behind it."

"Alright!" Matsuda glanced from one to the other, eyes alight. "So who are the people behind it?"

"I don't know."

"Oh." Matsuda slumped in his chair. "Well, _that_ was an anticlimax."

"Ryuzaki, is it possible that you could make this—" Soichiro pulled the paper out of his pocket again and studied it— "pancuronium bromide from scratch?"

"You can just call it Pavulon, Yagami-_san_. Most of the people who use it do. As for making it from scratch, someone has to, so yes, of course it's possible. I imagine you could find the chemical formula on the internet if nowhere else. But I don't know how easy it would be to manufacture, or how easy the components would be to track down. Whoever's behind this is intelligent and well-educated. They either work in the scientific profession somewhere and are capable of recreating this drug from scratch, or they're in the medical profession and just chipping away at the supply—"

"That's not possible," Matsuda interrupted. "I did my placements in a hospital like this one. They kept most drugs locked up very tightly when I was there."

"Yeah," Aizawa remarked, "because you were a—"

"Don't say _idiot_," Soichiro warned him. That was the last thing they needed, another Matsuda/Aizawa squabble.

"I was going to say medical student. If you'd been the chief surgeon, you might have found those drugs a lot easier to gain access to. Besides, you said yourself they use this stuff with anesthetic. Does that mean they mix it up together and give it to you all at once, or do they knock you out and _then_ inject you with it, or does it come ready mixed? Because I had an appendectomy when I was fifteen, and they only gave me one injection."

There was a long silence, then Matsuda admitted, "I don't know. I would think it comes ready mixed."

Soichiro nodded. "That makes sense. If you had to perform emergency surgery, the last thing you'd want to do would be to waste time trying to get the right ratio." He glanced at L. "But they'd still need a medical professional to tell them about this drug."

L shook his head. "I don't think so. You could just run an internet search for _paralyzing drugs _and find out what you needed to know from there."

"Alright." Soichiro sighed. "So that's out."

"No, I'm sure someone in the medical profession is involved," L corrected him. "How else could they take out the heart so neatly? It was done by someone who knew exactly what they were doing, or by someone who had _access_ to someone who knew exactly what they were doing. Either way, there's a doctor or a surgeon walking around some hospital somewhere who's a part of it all."

There was a long silence. Then Soichiro said, "You mean...like _this_ hospital?"

"Possibly. But don't worry, Yagami-_san_. There are so many people coming and going in a hospital. Nobody would be stupid enough to try anything like that here, though I don't advise you to return home. Sayu_-san_'s more than a survivor now; she's a witness. I don't think they'll try killing her the same way twice, but they will want her dead."

That was the last thing Soichiro wanted to hear, even though the detective in him knew it was true. He would have said the same thing if this had happened to someone else's daughter.

"I know. We'll have to find somewhere."

"Yeah. You do that." The bite in L's tone was only noticeable if, like Soichiro, you were listening hard for it.

"And you're staying with us," he informed the young man sharply. "You're as much of a witness as Sayu, and I didn't get you out of Aomori for you to get your head blown off now."

"Keeping me with you would be very foolish, Yagami-_san_. If the killers found us, they could pick us off at the same time and then there would be no witnesses left. I'll find a place to hide. Don't worry about me."

"Someone has to, Ryuzaki, since you don't seem to worry about yourself," Soichiro answered. "You're sticking with us. That's final. I'm just not sure where we can stay that's secure enough, but I'll find somewhere."

Silence filled the air, then Matsuda spoke up. "Well, what about the building that was the task force headquarters? That's got more security measures than the Tokyo museum! Why can't you and your family make use of them and move in there? The rooms are like hotel suites – though they need a clean – and you've got everything there; kitchen, bedrooms, lounge, you name it. No one else is squatting in it and that way Ryuzaki could still stay with you."

Soichiro glanced at him. "How do you know no one else is squatting in it?"

"Because _I'm_ squatting in it," Matsuda answered simply. "Well, me and Yukiko, but I can't think we'll be in your way. Yuki-_chan_'s very quiet and well behaved."

L raised his eyebrows. "How can _any_ child of yours possibly be quiet, Matsuda?"

"Well...she's well behaved then. She won't disturb any of you."

"Ryuzaki?" Soichiro glanced over to the pale figure in the bed. "Would you be alright with that?"

L was silent for a very long time. At last he said, "I guess. If we _really _can't stay at your house."

"I thought you couldn't wait to get out of my house," the older man couldn't resist saying.

"I like your house. It's...nice. Besides, it's not like I could afford to rent a place."

Aizawa frowned and sat up a little straighter. "Why not?"

There was a short pause, then L said, "Well, this may be a foreign concept to you, Aizawa, but paying rent involves this little thing called _money_, which I don't happen to have."

"What do you mean, you don't have money?" Aizawa demanded. "Most of your cases are listed in the NPA archives, including how much you got paid for solving them!"

"How much?" Matsuda wanted to know.

"A lot. We're talking millions on each case, and we're talking US dollars."

L stared at him blankly. "I never saw so much as a US _cent_. Watari always handled the money."

"Yeah, I bet he did," Matsuda muttered, not quite under his breath.

"So why don't you try and claim it for yourself?" Aizawa persisted. "If not all of it, then I'd say you're entitled to at least half. Which reminds me: do you know whose name is on the lease for that building?"

L shook his head. "No, but I imagine it would be one of mine. Watari always kept very much in the shadows."

"Well, we could find out easily enough."

"And just how much of a kickback are you expecting for all of this, Aizawa?" L asked shrewdly. "I find it very hard to believe you're doing it as a favor."

Aizawa wasn't stupid enough to protest this; instead he looked L straight in the eyes and said, "You rent one of those rooms to me at subsidized rates."

"I don't believe this!" Matsuda shot to his feet. "You come in here, insult him, rip his feelings to shreds, and now you want him to give you _houseroom_? At a _discount_?"

"No, that's alright, Matsuda." L fixed Aizawa with a look that Soichiro had already learned to beware of. "After all, the rooms there are just sitting empty, and if Aizawa wanted to move into one, I'd be happy to let him do so for, let's say, seven hundred and fifty thousand yen per month."

Aizawa stared at him. "_What_? What happened to subsidized rates?"

"Those _are_ the subsidized rates. Matsuda's is one hundred thousand per month, since he bought me a strawberry cake that time. And I'll waive the key money and any back payments in his case, considering he also gave me that money, if he'll accept that in lieu of repayment."

As this would leave Matsuda about two million yen better off, Soichiro didn't think there would be any problem on that score.

"So why does he get such a low rent?" Aizawa demanded.

"Because you earn more money than he does," L retorted.

"Not _that_ much more!"

"And Matsuda has a kid to support."

"That's not—"

"_And_," here L's voice became deadly quiet, "because after I signed my life away – literally – Matsuda was the only one of you besides Yagami-_san_ who bothered to come back and see me. As far as the rest of you were concerned, once the Kira case was over, I ceased to exist. And I still haven't forgotten your earlier comment about _freaks_, Aizawa."

Aizawa bristled a little, but wasn't stupid enough to protest.

"Five hundred thousand, and I'll bring in two more people who I know are looking for a place to live and who can afford to pay you the full amount. Between them," he added.

L's face didn't change. "Alright, but you pay for rates and everything else separately. Five hundred thousand is just the rent. And no subletting."

"Agreed, on the condition that you don't charge me for any time I spend guarding Yagami-_bucho_'s family there. I'm not going to pay you to let me do my job."

"Fair enough," L conceded. There was a mischievous gleam in his eyes that Soichiro didn't like the look of.

"And you give me an additional discount of fifty thousand per new resident I manage to bring in, down to one hundred thousand."

"No deal," L retorted. "The lowest I go for _you_, Aizawa, would be a quarter of a million."

Aizawa, who hadn't seriously expected to get away with less than three hundred thousand, hesitated, then sighed. "Alright. Fine. Quarter of a million. Talk about favoritism..."

"You shouldn't go around calling your landlord a freak then, should you?" L shot back.

For a moment Soichiro thought Aizawa was going to apologize again, then the younger detective simply got to his feet and headed for the door.

"And now," L said very pleasantly, before Aizawa was more than halfway there, "let's discuss the six months' key money you owe me."

* * *

**AN: **Again, for anyone who may not know, key money is a standard monetary gift to a landlord in Japan, separate from any deposits or rent. Usually it's between one and three months' rent, but it can occasionally go up to six months or even more; it really depends on the landlord. Personally I think L's getting back at Aizawa for his earlier comments ;)


	14. Departure

**Mystery Reviewers: **Thanks :D Yeah, although he's called an idiot, Matsuda's never struck me as being actually _stupid_, just a little too enthusiastic and impulsive ;)

**Cloudcookulander:**Thanks, I'm glad you like it :) And I fixed that other point you mentioned :)

**Dennis Nedry: **Ooh...you're close XD Mello won't appear in this one, but he will play a very large part in the sequel =P

* * *

**JUNE 11**

"How is she?" Soichiro asked quietly.

Sachiko sighed. "Sleeping. She woke up for a few hours today while you were with Ryuzaki." There was a faint – a _very _faint – shade of reproach there.

"Sayu has both you and me, not to mention her friends," Soichiro added, glancing at Sayu's table, which was now so full of flowers and cards that two of the arrangements were teetering perilously close to the edge and the overwhelming smell of so many different flowers was making him feel a little nauseous. "Ryuzaki has no one in the world except me. And we owe him our daughter's life."

"Do you really think they were going to murder her?"

_She doesn't know_, Soichiro realized. Sachiko didn't read newspapers and only watched the news sometimes, and the NPA had been keeping the details of these murders under wraps as much as they could. His wife had no idea what L had prevented.

"Yes. She's not the first victim. Just the first to survive."

There was a long silence, then Sachiko said quietly, "I really did think he'd run off with that money."

"No." Soichiro shook his head. "No, he wouldn't. He might see the clothes and the books you bought for him as being rightfully his, but he would never do a thing like that. Our daughter wasn't the only one in trouble that night."

"What?" His wife glanced up at him. "What do you mean? I know he went back to somewhere in Osaka—"

"He went back to a house he used to live in. I don't know what he wanted to get – although from things he's let slip, I would imagine it's a photograph or something equally small – but there was a gang squatting there." The lie choked Soichiro, but he didn't honestly see how he could tell her the truth without betraying L's confidence. "They knocked him out and locked him up in the basement, but after a few hours, he managed to escape through the window. He tore his hip open on a piece of glass, and quite how he made it back to the station and to Tokyo, I've no idea, but somehow he did."

"Is he alright?"

"He'll be fine. He hates hospitals though, so he's not in the most civil of moods right now." Soichiro looked at Sayu's slumbering form. "Has she said anything about what happened?"

"The doctor said we shouldn't ask yet." Sachiko stretched out a hand and brushed a strand of hair off her daughter's forehead. Soichiro was silent, the policeman in him warring with the father. If it had been some stranger's daughter lying there, he would have insisted on a word with her. It would be a very gentle word – contrary to popular rumor, the police weren't into the whole bright-light-in-the-face style of interrogation – but it would still be had. Because it was his own daughter, the situation was...different.

"Sachiko, you know we can't go home after this, don't you?"

His wife nodded. "Yes. Aizawa-_san_ explained it to me. He said Ryuzaki owned an apartment complex with high security and we'll have to move in there. And that's something I don't understand; if Ryuzaki owned this apartment complex, what was he doing living on the streets?"

"I don't know," Soichiro answered, then sighed. "No, that's not true, Sachiko. I _do_ know, but he told me in strict confidence. I can't betray his trust; it's taken me long enough to start earning it as it is. He's a good kid really."

"Oh, I know. I just wish I knew what was going on inside that head of his sometimes."

"You and me both," Soichiro said under his breath.

"It's like when I was doing the ironing the other day. He just crouched there staring at me."

"He was probably just fascinated. I don't think he's ever seen anyone iron a shirt before. His entire world up until recently has consisted of hotel rooms. I don't think he was even allowed outside for a walk, unless it was to get into the car to be taken somewhere else, so most of what you and I take for granted is completely new to him."

"And if he is...who you say he is—"

"He is, Sachiko. There are far too many similarities for it to be a coincidence."

"Then he must have family somewhere. Where did you say he was from; Iwate?"

"Aomori." Soichiro sighed. "And yes, he probably still does have family there, but he has no memory of them or even of his life in Japan. As far as his memories are concerned, he dropped into existence at eight years old in an orphanage in England."

"_Eight_? How can a person forget eight years' worth of memories?"

Soichiro shook his head. "I don't know. Either some extreme trauma or injury, or it was made to happen deliberately." Of the two, he thought the second explanation was a whole lot more plausible, although he didn't like to think about how it had been accomplished. "Listen, if Sayu wakes up, will you come and get me?"

"You're going back to Ryuzaki, aren't you?" There was no reproach this time.

"I don't want to leave him on his own. I think he's in more danger than Sayu right now. And I have to talk to him about moving into our new home."

"Will he be expecting rent?"

It was a genuine question, but Soichiro shook his head.

"No, he won't be expecting us to pay him rent." Or at least if he _was_, then he would be in for the shock of his life, Soichiro thought as he headed out of Sayu's room and toward L's.

Matsuda was lounging against the opposite wall when he arrived. The deputy director in Soichiro wanted to chew him out over it, but this impulse was rapidly overturned by the remembrance that Soichiro himself had ordered Matsuda to look casual. Having an NPA officer standing ramrod straight opposite a door was as good as putting out a sign saying _Yes, There Is Someone Very Important In This Room_. Dressed in a sleeveless t-shirt, jeans and a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes, the young detective looked like a sullen teenager.

"Matsuda?"

Matsuda jerked as if he'd been pinched and glanced at him.

"Yes, Yagami-_bucho_?"

"What state is the old headquarters in?"

Matsuda frowned as he thought about it. "Dusty, but otherwise okay. I mean, all the old security measures still work."

"Alright." Dust was fine. Dust was easy to get rid of. "Anything been happening here?"

"Nothing at all. But I think Ryuzaki's bored, so during my lunch hour I picked up a couple of books. He's been very quiet ever since. And...I got a phone call from Tatenaka."

Soichiro felt his heart sink.

"And?" he said in a level tone that was at odds with the irritation inside.

"Somehow he found out about my background. He wants to speak to me about the latest murder as soon as possible."

"I see." That wasn't an interview that was likely to go well; if Matsuda had blown up at Soichiro himself, the deputy director doubted very much that Tatenaka would be safe. "In that case, you'd better go. I'll keep an eye on Ryuzaki."

"Really?" Matsuda didn't look overjoyed at the prospect.

"Yes. And make sure to call me when you're finished. I need you here."

Without waiting for a reply, Soichiro stepped inside the room, closing the door behind him. L was perched on the bed reading a book – presumably one of the ones Matsuda had bought for him – and barely glanced up.

"How are you feeling?" Soichiro asked.

L snapped the book shut. "Ready to leave."

"I see. And what did the doctor say about that?"

"That I can go when I like."

The older man raised his eyebrows. "Oh? Then why are you still here?"

To his surprise, L ducked his head, cheeks scarlet. "Well...um...I couldn't just leave. You've got the car keys."

There was something in his demeanor which told Soichiro that this wasn't the real reason L hadn't tried to leave without the Yagamis, but he couldn't help teasing him a little.

"You could hire a car."

"There are two problems with that, Yagami-_san_. One, I have no money until Aizawa coughs up the key money or Matsuda coughs up the first month's rent, whichever comes first. Two, I can't drive."

Soichiro blinked. "Really?"

"Well, I _can_ – cars aren't very complicated machines to operate – but not legally. I don't have a license or anything. And..." L swallowed, his face now flaming red. "Well...I, uh, I couldn't just sneak away."

_Yes you could_, Soichiro thought. L could find a way out of the hospital without anyone noticing anytime he chose. _What you mean is you don't want to_.

"I'm glad to hear it, Ryuzaki, since we'll be moving into the old headquarters. You can't open your home to someone and then just wander off and leave them."

L looked startled. "_My_ home?"

"Your property, then," Soichiro amended. "The old task force headquarters? You said you owned it."

"Yeah. I did, didn't I?" The concept of owning an entire apartment complex seemed a foreign one to L. "I guess that means I'll be able to leave and go for a walk without your permission."

There was a light tone in his voice, but his eyes were deadly serious. Soichiro stared at him.

"Ryuzaki, when did I _ever_ tell you that you needed my permission to leave the house?"

"You never told me it was alright to go out _without_ it, Yagami-_san_."

Well, Soichiro supposed that made sense, in a kind of backward, twisted way.

"Alright. Then let's start from the beginning. And as I _said_ to you at the beginning, you are not my prisoner. If you want to go out for a walk, you're free to do that whenever you want, just let one of us know."

L looked up at him, eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What's the catch?"

"For god's sake, Ryuzaki! There _isn't_ any catch! There never _was_ any catch, except in your own mind!" Soichiro rose to his feet, pacing the room, then turned. "If your upbringing and life meant that you had to push yourself to the point of a nervous breakdown to earn the right to stand in the fresh air for a few minutes, then I'm sorry for you. And if you can't believe that there are people out there who _don't_ have an ulterior motive for everything and who aren't interested in using and/or manipulating you, then I am even _sorrier, _but that doesn't change the fact that _I am not your goddamn enemy_!"

He spun on his heel and strode towards the door.

"Yagami-_san_! Wait!"

Soichiro paused but didn't turn around. "Why?"

"Because..." Long pause. "Because I need you."

There was no arguing with _that,_ Soichiro thought. L needed him in a way that Light never had.

"Alright." He kept his back to L for a few seconds, trying to wrestle his expression back into something approaching neutrality. "But do you at least understand how frustrating it is to have to keep reminding you of the same thing over and over again?"

There was another long silence, then L said very quietly, "Yes, Yagami-_san_. I understand. But do _you_ understand how difficult this is for me?"

"If you're talking about being in hospital—"

"_No, _Yagami-_san_, I'm not talking about any damn hospital!"

It was so rare for L to swear that Soichiro turned around, surprised.

"Then what are you talking about?"

L stared at him, then shook his head slowly. "You don't get it? You really don't get it?"

"Get _what_, Ryuzaki?"

The young man looked away and didn't answer.

"I can't understand you if you won't talk to me."

L shook his head again. "I can't talk to you, Yagami-_san_. Not about this."

"Why not?" When L still refused to answer, Soichiro tried another tack. "We're friends, aren't we?"

L was silent for a long, long time. At last he said, "No. We can't be friends, Yagami-_san_. That is, I can't be friends with you. I can't risk getting close to you. Ever."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows, the hurt he'd felt at the young man's denial mitigated somewhat by the tormented expression on L's face. "Why not?"

L tightened his lips and looked away. Eventually he said in a low voice, "Because everybody I get close to dies."

Soichiro stared at him, then reached out and took hold of L's shoulders.

"Ryuzaki—"

"_No!_" L tried to knock the older man's hands away, but failed. "Yagami-_san_, please. Please. This is hard enough already. Please don't make it any more difficult for me."

Soichiro ignored this. "Ryuzaki, I don't know who else you've lost, but you can't blame yourself for Watari's death."

L suddenly glared at him. "I don't. I blame _you_."

The older man shifted back, a startled look on his face. "_Me_?"

"Yes, you! If you...if you hadn't been so hung up on insisting that your precious Light wasn't Kira, then we could have arrested him a lot quicker and Watari would still be alive."

"And _you_ would still be a prisoner, overfed on sugar and being forced into solving cases you had no desire to get involved with!" Soichiro shot back.

"So what? At least Watari would still be alive! It's your fault he's dead, Yagami! You and your damn family values!"

Soichiro regarded L very quietly for a few moments, then said, "You don't mean that."

"Yes I do!"

"No. You don't. We've argued over Watari before, when you were too ill to control yourself. If you really blamed me for his death, you would have come out with it then. You're just saying it to try and push me away."

L was quiet for a few seconds, then he said, "Is it working?"

Soichiro hid a smile. "No. Ryuzaki, I don't care how many times you attack me or push me away; you will never be able to push hard enough or far enough to stop me coming back."

"_Why,_ though?" The tone in L's voice was half frustration, half anger.

Soichiro considered various answers to that one, and abandoned them all.

"Because I'm an idiot," he said. "And because I didn't bring you all the way back from Aomori to abandon you the second things get rough. If you didn't want to get stuck with me, you shouldn't have emailed me." The older man paused for a few minutes, then said, "But that's not what you were talking about, is it?"

"No, it's..." L hesitated. "Do you want me to be honest?"

"Yes, of course."

"_Really_ honest?" L persisted.

Soichiro smiled a little. "Yes."

"Alright then." L took a deep breath. "You don't seem to realize that I've never lived with any kind of family before, at least not that I can remember. I've never had the whole three square meals a day family time chatting deal; the first time I experienced that was last week. One week is not long enough to adapt to an entirely new way of life _or _an entirely new diet. Your wife's cooking may be very good, but my body's set up to deal with sweets and cakes and now you're stuffing it full of rice and fish and chicken and eggs and who knows what else? The first two days I ate with you, I threw it all back up again. It wasn't until the third day that I managed to keep something down."

Soichiro stared at him. "Why didn't you mention this before?"

"How would you have liked me to have put it? And before you ask, Sachiko-_san_ had no idea. I'm very good at throwing up quietly, Yagami-_san_. Getting back to what I was saying...it seems like you're impatient for me to learn how to fit in with a normal family, but you never bothered to teach me how and now you're getting angry because I'm not working it out fast enough to please you. While I do understand your frustration, Yagami-_san_, you should remember one thing: I never _asked_ to be taken into your family. Any frustration you may be feeling could be considered to be at least partially self-inflicted." L shook his head. "God, sometimes I wish I was back in that alley in Aomori!"

"I know."

The young man turned such a shocked expression on him that Soichiro chuckled. "You thought I was going to rant about your being ungrateful, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Ryuzaki, there's nothing abnormal about being afraid of the unknown. It's natural. Even healthy. And I don't think there's anything strange or ungrateful in you wanting to go back to what's familiar, even if you'd have less there than you do here. What I'm still not clear on is why you kept your mouth shut about it all this time."

L closed his eyes. He did so slowly, as if it cost him immeasurable effort.

"I couldn't. Because..." He stopped, looking as if the words were choking him. "You're the only person who...who really knows anything about me. I'm..._different_."

_Well, at least he didn't use the word freak_, Soichiro thought.

"And...I don't want to say or do anything that's going to make me seem even _more_ different. I don't want to be hated, Yagami-_san_, but I don't want to be pitied either. And Sachiko-_san—_" L broke off abruptly.

"Sachiko may feel compassion for you, L – in fact, she does – but not pity." Watching L's face, Soichiro softened. He hadn't realized just how confused and overwhelmed L had been feeling in this new life. "But I know it's not always easy to tell the difference. And you could have come to me with this before."

L looked away. "I didn't know how you would react. I know what kind of man you are from working with you on the task force, but people always behave differently at home." He smiled suddenly at some hidden memory.

"What?" Soichiro asked.

"Nothing, it's just that the first time I saw you wearing something other than a suit and tie, I thought my head was going to explode." L bit his thumbnail hard for a few seconds. "And while we're on the subject, Yagami-_san_, do you think Sachiko-_san_ would be offended if I asked her for some different clothes?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "I think considering she bought you plenty a week ago, you're going to have to come up with a very good reason."

L looked away, shoulders hunching slightly. "It...they're nice and I like them, but the sleeves are too short."

The older man frowned. "What do you mean?"

"There's a reason I always wear long sleeves, Yagami-_san_." When Soichiro continued to look blank, L stretched out his arm, revealing the bite scar on his wrist. "I don't mind wearing the clothes Sachiko-_san_ bought me around the house, but if I'm going anywhere there are people..."

"You'd rather cover it up."

L nodded gratefully. "Yes. I really don't want to offend her – she's been so kind, although she seems to think I'm dying of malnutrition – but since I don't think I'll be able to get the blood out of my old t-shirt and that glass ripped the fabric, it'll have to go."

"Why didn't you mention this to her before?"

"I would have done if I'd known she was going to buy me the clothes. As it is, they were a complete shock."

"_Surprise_ is the word you're looking for, but yes, I can understand that."

"Actually, so were the books. Can I keep those?"

"They're yours, aren't they?" Soichiro answered.

"I guess." Seeing Soichiro's look, L shrugged. "No one ever bought me anything before, unless you count clothes and food, and I don't really remember that happening. They were just _there_." He hesitated, then swallowed a couple of times, looking like he was screwing up his courage. "Yagami-_san_, may I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Do you ever think...maybe...you have another mind?"

Soichiro frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"

"I...no, it doesn't matter," L interrupted himself. "How's Sayu-_san_?"

The older man sighed. "Very shaken, as you can imagine. I'll ask Sanami in to take a statement from her as soon as she's fully recovered."

L raised an eyebrow. "Sanami-_san_? Do you always keep these things among members of the Kira task force?"

"I..." Soichiro paused as he considered this for the first time. Now that he thought about it, he did tend to call on those officers a lot more than the others. "Sometimes, yes."

L was quiet for a long time. Then he said, "If I were...if I did have another mind, Yagami_-san_, would you still be my friend? Would you still want me in your house?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Ryuzaki, if your constant outbursts haven't changed my mind on that score, I don't think your having another mind, as you put it, would do it. Though I still don't quite understand what you mean."

"Like..." L's face tightened and he fell silent. Soichiro could see the internal battle raging within the young man and decided to risk pressing him a little.

"Like what?"

"Like..." L swallowed. "You have to promise not to mention this to anyone. Promise me."

Somewhat nonplussed, Soichiro nodded. "Alright. I promise."

"Yagami-_san_, do you ever think I'm..." His voice tailed off.

"You're what?" Soichiro prompted.

The young man looked down, doodling on the table with his index finger. At last he said, "Crazy?"

"_What_? No, of course I don't! Is this something Watari used to tell you, that you were crazy?"

L shook his head. "No. I never spoke about this to him. But isn't that some kind of sign that you're going mad? Hearing voices?"

Soichiro stared at him, momentarily speechless.

_How long have you been waiting to ask that, Ryuzaki? How difficult is it for you to ask me now?_

"Do they tell you to do things?" he asked at last. He spoke in as laid-back a voice as he could manage, as though the answer didn't matter.

"There's no _they_, it's just one, but...sometimes. Remember you promised not to mention this to anyone!"

"Yes, Ryuzaki, I remember. It was only five minutes ago. What kinds of things are we talking about here?"

L nibbled on his thumbnail. "Like...like when I went to drop off your suit at the dry cleaners. It was like there was someone inside saying _remember you have to check the pockets_."

"Is that it?"

Looking as though he wished he could take back the last ten minutes, L nodded once, tightly. "Yes. Do you think I'm crazy?"

Without hesitating, Soichiro shook his head. "No. What I think, Ryuzaki, is that you have been very, very alone for a very long time. So alone that you've had to turn to yourself for any kind of social interaction. And as far as another mind goes, everyone has one of those. From what you say, yours is just a little more extroverted than most. I promise you, you're not crazy." Poor kid. How long had L been agonizing about something that was so normal? Except...when had he had the chance to learn that it _was_ normal?

_Exactly. How was he supposed to know what's normal for everyone when he hardly got to meet or interact with anyone?_ Soichiro had no doubt that Watari would have reassured L instantly, but for some reason the young man had never...now that he thought about it, that was a good point.

"Ryuzaki, why didn't you talk to Watari about this? I'm sure he'd have told you the same thing I just did."

"Because..." L's voice tailed off and he crouched there in silence for a few minutes, then spoke again. "Because Watari always insisted that I had to be perfect, completely infallible. I didn't want him to know that there was a possibility I might be flawed."

Soichiro smiled a little. "You mean _human_."

"Yes, if you like." L looked away. "He would have been so disappointed."

"Did you never stop to think that maybe he already knew?"

The young man looked back at him, puzzled. "How could he have? He always kept telling me I was the perfect detective and field agent, right from the beginning."

_And you thought..._Soichiro suppressed a sigh. Despite his steadily growing disapproval of Watari, he didn't think for one moment that the old man had meant for his words to be taken literally.

_Except L would only have been about eight when he first heard them. Eight years old, alone in the world – at least as far as he knew – and the person who took him in praises him for being perfect._ It wasn't hard for a child that young to twist this into _And if you ever stop being perfect, I won't want you anymore_, regardless of whether or not Watari had actually meant it that way...and somehow, Soichiro found it hard to believe that he had.

"Did—" he began.

His phone rang loudly at that point, cutting him off.

"I thought you weren't allowed to use those in here," L remarked to the ceiling.

"I know. I forgot to turn it off after I called Matsuda. Hang on, it won't take a minute." Soichiro fumbled the phone out of his pocket and answered it. "Yagami."

"Yagami-_bucho_, it's Sanami."

"Sanami?" Soichiro straightened up a little. "What's happened?"

There was a short pause. "Tatenaka wants you back in the office."

The deputy director sighed. "Did he say when?"

"Ten minutes ago."

_Wonderful_. "Don't tell me there's been another murder."

Sanami cleared her throat. "Ah, no, but..."

"But?"

"Matsuda got back ten minutes ago and Tatenaka called him into his office."

"Yes? And?"

He heard Sanami swallow. "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, Yagami-_bucho_, but I think you should know that Matsuda has just punched Tatenaka in the face."

Soichiro squeezed his eyes shut.

_I'm going to kill him. I really am going to kill him_.

"Yagami-_bucho_?" There was a pause, then Sanami said in a quieter voice, "Oh damn, I think I lost the connection."

"No. No, I'm still here. Thank you for calling me, Sanami. I'll be in as soon as I can." Soichiro closed his phone and dropped it back into his pocket, then ran a hand over his face. Damn Matsuda!

Raising his head, he saw L looking at him, face alight with curiosity.

"What's going on?"

"There's been an incident," Soichiro stated. "A very serious one."

"Another—no, it can't be another murder; it's too soon," L interrupted himself. "What happened?"

The older man hesitated, then sighed. "It's Matsuda."

"That was going to be my next guess. What's he done now?"

"He's gone and punched Tatenaka in the face."

L blinked. "Oh? Good for him."

"_Ryuzaki_!" Soichiro said sharply.

"Sorry. But it's about time someone hit him. I'm surprised it was Matsuda, though. I didn't realize he was the punching type."

"I..." Soichiro paused as he thought about this for the first time, then he said in a slightly more surprised tone, "No. He's not usually. He's more the grabbing people and pushing them up against walls type when he gets violent at all, which is almost never. Anyway, I have to get to the office and try and sort this whole mess out."

"In that case, I'm coming with you."

Soichiro stared at him. "What?"

"I owe Matsuda one. Besides, if he _is_ being kept in the chickenhead's office, he'll be of no use to me as a bodyguard. Though I'm not entirely sure how much use he'd have been anyway," L added.

"You chose him," Soichiro pointed out.

"Yes, because he's about the only person I think I can trust not to sell me out. Apart from you, of course, but since you're going in as well, that leaves me in a very vulnerable position." L hopped to his feet, swayed a little, then headed for his overnight bag. "I'm sure Sachiko-_san_ will have packed a change of clothes in here."

"And how are you going to change clothes with a broken hand?"

"I'll manage." L pulled out a dark green t-shirt and a pair of black jeans, glanced at Soichiro, then headed into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

_Just where does he get that prudishness from anyway_? Soichiro wondered with a sort of tired amusement, then sat down on the bed to wait.

It was fifteen minutes before L emerged again, walking a little stiffly.

"Ryuzaki, are you sure—"

"Even if I weren't, I don't have much of a choice, Yagami-_san_. I agreed to stay here since you and Matsuda were both willing to guard me, but if you're both in the NPA, that leaves me wide open to attack, and I'm not in any condition to fight off...certain people."

"People like Sato, you mean."

It wasn't a question. L ducked his head, biting his thumbnail, then nodded once.

"Yeah. Like him."

"Are you really that afraid of him?"

"I'm not _afraid_! I just...I don't like not being able to defend myself, that's all. I hate having to rely on other people because other people _always_ let you down!"

"And when was the last time I let you down, Ryuzaki?"

"There hasn't been one, which means you're about due. And I'm not talking about something like betrayal, Yagami-_san_. I'm talking about you making a mistake. Or you deciding that now would be a _really_ good time to visit the bathroom, or something." L stuffed his feet into his battered sneakers and headed over to the door.

"Don't you get blisters wearing shoes without socks?" Soichiro couldn't help asking.

"If I wear them for too long. But this should be fine."

"Ryuzaki, you realize if you discharge yourself from this hospital—"

"Yes, yes, I won't hold them responsible if I fall over and die the second I step outside." L swayed again and grabbed at the wall for support. "I'm okay. Anyway, it's not too far, right?"

It wasn't, but by the time they reached the car, L was leaning on Soichiro for support.

"I still think you should be in bed," Soichiro informed the young man, but without too much hope. Getting L back into his hospital room would take too long, not least because he'd have to spend a chunk of time convincing the young man to go.

"I was going insane in that place, Yagami-_san_. This seemed far more interesting." L levered himself into the passenger seat, crouched there for a few minutes while his face went an alarming shade of white, then he somehow managed to fumble the seatbelt shut across his waist and winced.

"Does that hurt?"

"Yes; it's pressing on my hip. However, it would do that whether I was going to the NPA offices or the old headquarters, so there's no need for you to worry."

"I see."

"But please do your very best not to drive into anything," L added.

Soichiro didn't see the need to dignify this with an answer; instead he just started the engine and drove out of the hospital parking lot.

It took twenty minutes to get to the NPA office, and they passed most of it in silence. Soichiro was too busy being furious with Matsuda for any real conversation, and he suspected L was too busy staying conscious.

_I really should have left him behind_.

"Are you sure you don't want to wait in the car?" he asked as they pulled into a parking space.

"Very sure, Yagami-_san_. I'm looking forward to meeting Tatenaka, and with all due respect, I think I can get him to withdraw his complaint against Matsuda faster than you can." L unfastened his seatbelt and clambered out of the car, leaning on the roof for a few minutes, then followed Soichiro inside. The pair of them drew a few curious looks as they headed through the offices, but nobody approached them directly.

"Where is Tatenaka's office?" L asked, as soon as they were away from the main department.

"Where Kitamura's used to be. It's just up here on the right."

"Ah." As Soichiro started towards it, L laid an apologetic hand on his arm, stopping him. "Yagami-_san, _I think it's better we pretend not to know each other for this."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "And why's that?"

"Because it means I can say exactly what I think of Tatenaka without him getting angry at you for bringing me here," L answered simply. "I don't know why Kitamura had to retire. What was he _thinking_? And I don't know why he didn't get you to take over from him."

"I imagine because he knows I would have refused. Ryuzaki, what are you going to do?"

L looked at Soichiro and smiled. "I'm not going to do anything, Yagami-_san_."

It wasn't until the young man had walked up to Tatenaka's office door and rapped on it hard that Soichiro realized he hadn't asked what L was planning to _say. _He opened his mouth in an attempt to rectify this, but by then it was too late; L had already sauntered inside and shut the door behind him.

* * *

**AN: **Wow, over one hundred reviews! Thanks so much; you guys rock! XD Next up is another L chapter ;)


	15. Into the Shadows

**Numei Massacre: **Thanks XD And as for L's comments...read on ;)

**Mystery Reviewers: **Thanks :) Yeah, I always do my best to leave my chapters on a cliffhanger ;)

* * *

**JUNE 11**

L shut the office door behind him, barely aware of what he was doing. He'd been running more or less on automatic ever since he'd finally worked up the courage to ask Soichiro about his other mind. It hadn't been easy, not least because the other mind in question (here L paused to give it a hard mental poke) kept insisting that telling someone you heard voices was the quickest way to the nuthouse.

_Except it's not. Not in my case_.

He wasn't crazy. He really wasn't crazy. At the back of his mind was the vague knowledge that he had to do something about Matsuda and Tatenaka, but for the moment, this was swamped by the vast relief he felt.

_I'm not crazy_.

_I could have told you that. People who are crazy don't spend hours at a time wondering whether they've lost their minds or not; as far as they're concerned, it's the rest of the world which is skewed._

_Yes, alright! Can we drop the subject of my sanity – which happens to be completely intact and not damaged in any way whatsoever – until after I get Matsuda off the hook?_

_Fine by me. You were the one who brought it up. And just why are we trying to get Matsuda off the hook when you and I both know he'll jump right back on it the moment Tatenaka looks at him cross-eyed?_

_Matsuda helped me, now I'm going to help him. That's what friends do._

_Ah._ His other mind fell silent for a few seconds. _And...you consider Matsuda a friend, do you?_

L hesitated. _Returning the favor, then. I don't like owing people. He fought my corner during that mess with Aizawa; now I'm going to fight his. I don't have enough fri—supporters that I can afford to lose one._

He glanced around the room. Matsuda was standing there staring at him with a expression that wavered between relief and shock, and Tatenaka was doing his best to glare imperiously at L, although the effect was somewhat spoiled by his trying to nurse a black eye at the same time.

L didn't bow. He rarely did, partly because being isolated from everyone meant that it wasn't as ingrained in him as it was for most Japanese, and partly because his stoop meant he was more or less in a state of permanent bow anyway.

_So this is his office._

It was a far cry from how it had looked when Kitamura had occupied it. Then it had some kind of elegance, a few tastefully placed potted plants, glass fronted bookcase – L was certain Kitamura wouldn't have dreamed of taking time off to read any of those books, but there was something _homey _about a filled bookcase – and comfortable furniture.

Now it was painfully bare. The bookcase and furniture had gone, replaced with steel filing cabinets – one of which was currently playing host to a large cactus, and several others had folders and papers on the top as opposed to inside for some reason – and a few very uncomfortable looking chairs. A _Hello Kitty _calendar hung on the far wall and L permitted himself a few seconds' amusement at the man's choice of decor. Hardly suitable for the director of the NPA (Kitamura's had been various scenes of Japan with inspiring mottoes on each one. The mottoes had been rather nauseating in L's opinion, but the pictures had been nice and the overall effect was far more dignified).

Then again, maybe Tatenaka had a young daughter who had picked this out. L hadn't bothered delving too deeply into the man's family connections. He'd found out that the senior NPA official was married, and that was all he needed to know.

_Speaking of senior NPA officials, there is approximately a one hundred percent chance that Yagami-san is going to come through this office door at any second, so don't you think you'd better do something about that?_

L glanced around, then grabbed a spare chair and wedged it firmly under the door handle.

"What do you think you're doing?" Tatenaka demanded furiously.

Turning, L smiled. "Just making sure Yagami-_san_ doesn't decide to burst in and rush to your defense. He's one of the best men I've ever known, but he does have a small tendency to let his morality get in the way of results." He crossed over to a filing cabinet and tipped it on its side, spilling the folders on the top all over the floor, then dragged it over and crammed it next to the chair and stepped back, turning his head from side to side as he inspected his handiwork. At last he gave a satisfied nod and turned around to face Tatenaka.

"So you're the idiot who's been screwing up the investigation, are you? Nice to meet you face to face. Tatebaka, right?"

"Tatenaka." The man's voice was icy – a fact which probably wasn't helped by Matsuda's snicker – but L didn't blink. If you could survive the arctic blast of Watari's disapproval, everyone else was easy.

"That's what I said. You can call me Ryuzaki."

"Ryu—" Tatenaka stared at him, lip curled. "Oh, so _you're_ the one who came up with that crackpot story aboutmagical books and _shinigami_."

L raised his eyebrows, hoping his face didn't betray the sudden pounding in his chest. Behind him, there was a thud on the door, one that might possibly be made by a certain deputy director attempting to open it and bouncing off it instead.

_Interesting. Very interesting. So Sato's been here too. Alright. Save Matsuda from his own idiocy, then get the hell out._

"Now wait just a damn minute—" Matsuda began furiously.

"It's alright," L told him. "You can't expect him to believe it."

"So what wild flight of fancy do you expect us to indulge in this time?" Tatenaka demanded.

"None whatsoever, since you'd need an imagination to be capable of such a thing." L continued nosing around Tatenaka's office, running a finger idly along the books on the shelf.

"Then why are you here? And didn't anyone teach you to _knock_ before entering someone's office?"

"No," L said candidly. He'd never _had_ to enter someone's office before; everyone else had always come to him. "And I came to tell you to withdraw your complaint against Touta Matsuda. Is this your cactus? It's a very impressive one. Where did you get it?"

Reaching out, he turned the pot around for a better look. The cactus in question was just under a foot high, with spines almost as long as his thumb.

"Did you come all this way just to discuss horticulture?" Tatenaka demanded.

"No, I came to get Matsuda off the hook. Weren't you listening? He's a vital member of the team currently investigating these murders. Oh look, it's even got little flowers!" Abandoning the cactus, L tried to open the filing cabinet, discovered it was locked and promptly went to work on the lock with a paper clip.

Tatenaka rose to his feet, and the little part of L that was watching out the corner of his eye had to admit that he did it well. The director was a tall man and however much of an idiot he may have been, even L had to concede that he was a dignified idiot.

"Leave that alone!"

"No." L kept working and was rewarded with a _click_. Pulling the drawer open, he started riffling through the folders, looking for Matsuda's. "What happened anyway?"

"Matsuda-_kun_ punched me in the face."

"Well, someone was bound to sooner or later. Matsuda, what happened?"

"He's been snooping in my file!"

There was a long pause, then L said in a rather strained voice, "Matsuda, Tatenaka is – and I use this word in a purely work-related sense – your superior. I don't think _snooping_ is the most appropriate description."

"_And_ he told me I should have stayed long enough to qualify before joining the NPA and that I was an idiot for dropping out and since I _did_ drop out then I'm obviously too stupid to be a police officer and therefore I must have faked my results and graduation from Kyoto and that if I handed in my resignation then no more would be said!"

"So you punched him in the face?"

"_Yes_!" Matsuda scowled at Tatenaka.

"Alright." L hopped into the empty chair opposite Tatenaka and swiveled around on it three times before stopping himself with a judiciously placed sneaker on the desk. Since Sachiko hadn't bought L any new shoes, they were the same sneakers he'd been living in back in Aomori, and they were considerably the worse for wear. Besides, although he preferred to go barefoot wherever possible, L was still very attached to his sneakers, and the only way Sachiko could take them off his feet would be with a chainsaw. "Well, since I still need your help, Tatenaka will be withdrawing his complaint and keeping his nose out of this murder investigation."

Tatenaka continued staring at L with the expression of someone who's stepped into a dream.

"You have no way to enforce this," he stated.

L grinned. It wasn't something he did very often, and so – regardless of his intentions – the end result tended to be rather alarming.

"Actually, I do. You drop the charges and say you tripped or something, and I won't tell your wife about your trip with Kawasaki-_san _hereto that hotel in Ginza."

"That was purely work-related," Tatenaka said icily. "We were on a stakeout."

"In a five star hotel room with the curtains drawn?"

"I happen to believe in mixing business with pleasure."

"Which was she?"

_Honestly, I've met five year olds who were better liars than this man, _his other mind muttered.

_You and me both_, L thought back.

"Are you aware that blackmailing is a serious offense in Japan?"

It was a pretty serious offense in most countries as far as L was aware, but he didn't bother saying so. Instead he pasted a look of innocence on his face.

"But you just said that you were on a stakeout. How can threatening to tell your wife about that be construed as blackmail? Or is this a confession? Have you been getting up to naughties, Tatenaka?"

There was a suspicious choking sound from Matsuda's direction.

"You _dare—_" Tatenaka began.

"Of course I dare. I am L, and part of _being_ L means that everyone in this building works for _me_. That includes you."

"Anyone can say they're L."

L raised his eyebrows. "Yes, but very few people do, and the ones that are stupid enough..." He let the sentence trail off. Those stupid enough to try passing themselves off as L had an unerring tendency to disappear from the world, and then reappear in it in five or six different places. L had never organized this and he wasn't aware of Watari doing so either; it just seemed to happen, most likely courtesy of someone working behind the scenes in Wammy's House.

"I heard that L was dead."

"A necessary deception." L still remembered that day vividly; the slow, creeping fear that had stolen through him as the time ticked closer, and the overpowering sense of relief that had flooded him when he realized his plan had worked, that he wasn't going to die. That day was one of the few shining points in his memory; the heady rush that came from such a narrow escape followed by the even greater rush when he realized that for the first time in his life, he was completely free. "Withdraw your complaint. You can't have formalized it yet; that takes time. Withdraw it and nobody will even know I came to see you. Matsuda won't tell anybody."

An obstinate light appeared in Tatenaka's eyes. "I'll see."

"You have twenty four hours. If I don't get evidence that the complaint has been withdrawn by that time, those photos will be on your wife's computer before you can blink. Matsuda, we're leaving."

Matsuda blinked, then followed L out into the corridor where Soichiro – having tried and failed to break down the door – was waiting for them with his arms folded.

"Tatenaka is withdrawing his complaint," L said, in the hopes that this might defuse some of the older man's visible irritation.

"And just how did you persuade him to do that?" Soichiro demanded.

"I asked."

The older man raised his eyebrows. "I see. And when that didn't work?"

"I blackmailed." Maybe he ought to get a cactus too. L wasn't exactly a big cactus fan, but nor was he much of a gardener, and the only plant that stood a chance of surviving with him was one that could fend for itself.

"_Ryuzaki_!"

Of course, Sachiko-_san_ was a keen gardener, so she could probably tell him about any plant he bought, but L didn't think she'd take kindly to looking after one for him. Then again, could even a cactus survive not being watered for months at a stretch? Maybe he'd do better with a twig in a jam jar.

"What?" L said aloud. "It worked." Was it normal to give a name to your plants? Well, maybe he could give it a name anyway and just not tell anyone.

"Blackmailing is a serious offense."

"Yes, I know." Did _everyone_ think he was too stupid to be aware of that little fact? "Unfortunately, civilized negotiation was out of the question, Yagami-_san_, as I didn't have time to wait for him to evolve into a sentient being." No, a cactus would probably be okay. Maybe he could get it to flower too. "At least he's withdrawing the complaint against Matsuda."

Soichiro glanced at Matsuda, his anger effectively diverted. L felt a little guilty about that, but at least now he could go back to daydreaming about his perfect cactus in peace.

"Matsuda—" Soichiro began.

Matsuda returned his boss' stare with a look that was half trepidation, half defiance. "I regret nothing! And I'm sorry, Yagami-_bucho_, but I'm not going to apologize!"

"What the hell were you _thinking_? You cannot go around punching the director in the face!"

"Ryuzaki did get him to withdraw his complaint_,_" Matsuda said in a smaller voice.

"I see. And what would you have done if Ryuzaki hadn't been there?"

Matsuda hesitated. "Well, since I didn't know he was _going_ to be there, exactly the same thing. Anyway, Tatenaka's nothing but a pompous little tapeworm. He _deserved_ to get his face punched! He was probably _expecting_ to get his face punched! And I hate disappointing people."

L leaned against the wall, watching the older men with idle amusement.

_Oh Matsuda, just bow and apologize. It's about the only chance you have of getting out of this alive._

"You will write him a letter of apology as soon as we get back to—"

"I will not!"

Soichiro fixed the young detective with a look that made L suddenly very glad he wasn't Matsuda.

"You will write him a letter of apology, Matsuda, or you will write him a letter of resignation. Your choice."

L cleared his throat. "Yagami-_san_, I—"

"_You _will stay out of this, Ryuzaki! And don't think you're off the hook; I'll deal with you in a minute. Matsuda, get out of my sight and back to the headquarters before I change my mind about letting you off so lightly."

Matsuda went, offering L a sympathetic look over his shoulder on the way out. For some reason, L felt oddly cheered by this.

The feeling lasted for as long as it took Soichiro to step in front of him, his face more implacable than L had ever seen it.

"Explain."

"He—" L began, but Soichiro overrode him.

"What the hell were you _thinking_?"

"I just—"

"Do you realize that if you _did_ blackmail him, you have just given him the power to have you arrested?"

"He won't do that." L shot the words out in one breath. It seemed about the only way he'd be able to squeeze out a full sentence in between Soichiro's anger.

Soichiro raised his eyebrows, the stern expression never wavering. "Oh?"

"He can't risk his wife finding out about his little sojourn with Kawasaki. If he has me arrested for blackmail, any incriminating photographs I may have will be in the newspapers before you can so much as blink."

"No they won't, Ryuzaki. I want every single one of those photographs as soon as we get back."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Yagami-_san_."

"Ah." Soichiro's face may as well have been carved out of stone for all the emotion it revealed. "And why might that be?"

"Because I don't actually _have_ any incriminating photographs. I was bluffing. Well, half bluffing; I can prove they went to that hotel room in Ginza, but not what they got up to in there."

"So it may have been a genuine stakeout?"

"Funny sort of stakeout with the curtains drawn that tightly," L retorted. "Look, I need Matsuda as a bodyguard and Tatenaka was standing in the way of my getting him. I just got him out of the way."

"How did you find out?"

L hesitated before answering, "You remember last week, when Tatenaka called you at about five in the morning?"

"Yes..."

"And how I offered to find you something to blackmail him with?"

Soichiro closed his eyes for a few seconds, then opened them again wearily. "Go on."

"Well, I decided to find you something anyway, just in case you changed your mind. Took me less than an hour to get the information I needed; the firewall on Tatenaka's computer really is a joke. And the password? Please! _Everyone_ uses their pet's name as a password, which might make sense if they didn't then upload pictures of that pet onto Facebook and say _This is my cat Akira_! I mean, he could at least have picked his grandmother's maiden name, or some random word out of the dictionary like...I don't know. _Armchair_ or something!"

There was a long silence.

"Feel better for that?" Soichiro asked at the end of it.

L considered this, then said honestly, "Yes."

"Good. I would hate to think your little tantrum served no purpose other than to irritate everyone within earshot. How's your hip?"

"Fine." It wasn't – L's claim that the doctor had said he was fit to leave had been a lie – but Soichirodidn't have to know that.

The deputy director gave him a long look. "I'll ask you again, Ryuzaki. How's your hip?"

How did he _do_ that? L knew for a fact he was an accomplished liar, so why couldn't he _ever_ fool Soichiro? Was the man telepathic or something?

"It...aches a bit." In fact it was throbbing angrily, sending bolts of pain shooting down his leg and into his pelvis, but as far as L was concerned, Soichiro didn't have to know that either.

"Do you want to sit down?"

"No." That was all he needed, for Soichiro to consider him weak. "I'll be fine. Let's just go."

"You mind if I take a look?"

L shifted away a little, the wariness in his eyes increasing. "Yes."

"Too bad. Show me."

_Crap!_

_Well, that's a beautifully eloquent and accurate analysis of our current situation, but it doesn't help us decide how to get out of it._

_I could tell him—_

_There's no point_, his other mind interrupted. _You can't argue with him when he's got that look in his eyes. I thought you'd have learned that by now._

_That isn't helpful either._

"Ryuzaki?" Soichiro pressed.

"What, _here_?" L swallowed. The gash on his hip was a little too close to his groin for him to feel all that comfortable about exposing it in public. "Can't we at least go into the men's room? I really don't want to take off my clothes in the middle of the NPA offices, Yagami-_san_. There are probably laws against that sort of thing."

"Alright. Come on."

L followed Soichiro down a set of corridors, his heart dropping further with every step. There had to be a way he could get out of this; he had a nasty suspicion that one look at his injury would get him whisked into hospital so fast that he'd need additional treatment for whiplash.

The restroom turned out to be larger than L had expected, and spotlessly clean. It was also deserted, which he hadn't expected; he'd hoped to use the presence of other patrons as an excuse not to let Soichiro anywhere near his injury. Damn. Time for Plan B.

"Ah...now that I think about it, Yagami-_san_, I'm not sure it's such a good idea to do it out here either. I mean...you're not a doctor, so if someone came in and found you examining my injury, it might look a little weird."

"It would look even weirder, Ryuzaki, if someone came in and found us in a toilet stall together with your jeans down around your ankles."

L blanched. "Good point."

"Of course, if you'd rather someone else take a look at it, I won't be offended."

L shook his head. His body had always been the only thing in the world that was _his_; while everyone else made use of his mind, picking him up and moving him like a hyper intelligent pawn, he'd always been able to control who handled him physically.

_Unless, of course, you count Yagami-san giving you that hug back in Aomori._

L cringed mentally. _Yes...well...he caught me a little off guard. How was I supposed to know he'd show up two days early!_

_Yeah, and you liked it. Liked being held that close to someone. Just like when you had that bad day in his house and ended up snuggled into his side, all warm and safe and—_

_Shut up! _L glanced at Soichiro and said, "No. But..."

"But?"

"You probably didn't notice last time you saw it, but, um, it's a bit too close to my...erm..." L cleared his throat, feeling himself go crimson. "Well...ah...certain _bits_ of my anatomy. If you know what I mean."

"Ryuzaki—" the look in Soichiro's eyes was half exasperated, half amused— "we're both men. You've got no _bits_ I haven't seen before."

L squirmed a little. Stupid gash! He should have kept his mouth shut about it right from the start, only Soichiro had sneaked up on him and lulled him into a false sense of security. What were things coming to, where you got whisked into hospital as soon as you collapsed through blood loss? _Anybody_ could collapse through blood loss! Didn't the hospitals have better things to do than treat every idiot – and genius – who happened to get themselves sliced up on a tiny little piece of glass and break a couple of insignificant knuckles?

_I could refuse._

_Yes, and then what do you think would happen?_

L studied Soichiro, seeing that the older man had placed himself between L and the exit. There was nothing menacing about the gesture, but the message was clear. Soichiro wouldn't dream of forcing L to show him, but neither would he let the young detective leave _without_ showing him.

"Can you at least lock the door or something? If you're going to make me open my fly so you can have a nose around, I don't want anyone else coming in while you're doing it."

"That statement is misleading on so many levels that I'm not entirely sure where to start, and this door doesn't lock."

L blinked, puzzled – the statement had seemed clear enough to _him_ – then dismissed it and chalked it up to yet another thing he had to learn about the world. Life had been so much simpler when someone else controlled his every move, or even when he'd been living on the streets.

"Well, I'm not going back into hospital," he reiterated.

"We'll see about that, Ryuzaki. Let me take a look at your hip."

"Is that someone coming? I think I heard someone coming."

"You're hearing things; no one is coming. Show me that cut."

L reached down, then hesitated. "Promise you won't touch it?"

"I promise. Now stop stalling!"

Reluctantly, L unzipped his jeans and pulled them down enough to expose the gash on his hip. A fresh wave of pain rolled over him and he gripped the sink with his good hand, waiting for the stars in front of his eyes to clear.

Soichiro stared at L's injury for a long time, then raised his gaze to the young man's face.

"You _idiot_!"

L moistened his lips. There was a look in Soichiro's eyes that he really didn't like.

"Does that mean you're going to try and force me back into hospital?" he asked, his tone more subdued than normal.

"You lied to me, Ryuzaki," Soichiro said, his voice colder than usual. "You told me the doctor had given you the all-clear. There's no way she would have discharged you with _this_! Look at it!"

He grabbed L and spun him around to face the mirror. Looking at his reflection, L felt his heart drop further. The edges of the wound were puffy and inflamed, and he could make out red lines threading their way through healthy skin.

_Yagami-san's right; it is infected. You don't need to be a surgeon to work that one out._

"Alright. Um." L managed to squirm free enough to turn and face Soichiro, who still looked furious. "Do you, uh, have any salt?"

The unexpectedness of this request seemed to surprise the older man out of his anger. At any rate, his voice was calmer when he answered.

"Salt?"

"Yes. Salt and hot water is a very good disinfec—"

"No," Soichiro said flatly. "You're going back into hospital. You'll be guarded by either myself or Matsuda, so you don't need to worry about Sato. And this time, Ryuzaki, you're not leaving until the doctor tells _me_ you have the all-clear."

"No." L drew back until he felt the cold of the sink at his back, automatically groping behind him for something – anything – to use as a weapon. One thing was certain; he wasn't going back into that damn hospital.

_Wonderful. And just how are you going to stop Yagami-san from taking you in? Because I'm not entirely sure you'd win a fight with him if you were fully healthy, never mind now._

_Not a problem. Yagami-san's many things, but I don't believe he'd knock me out and drag me in. I just have to get past him and then I can vanish in Tokyo._

_If I had a yen for every time I had to listen to one of your escape plans – none of which, may I point out, ever worked—_

_I got away from Sato, didn't I? _L countered.

_For now. _As always, his other mind excelled at saying what L didn't want to hear. _What are you going to do when he tries again? You might need Yagami-san then._

_I'm not going to risk him to protect myself. I can't. And instead of playing devil's advocate, why don't you say something useful? Like how to avoid being dragged back to hospital?_

L stared at Soichiro, who hadn't moved. "Let me try something."

"Something like what?" Soichiro inquired.

_Damn good question._

"Just..." L glanced down at his hip. "Some infections clear themselves up. Let me have a few days with home medicine; disinfectant, stuff like that. Listen, what's today? The eleventh? Let me have until the fifteenth to try and treat it at home. If it's not getting any better by then or if it gets _really_ worse before, I'll go into hospital the moment you say. I _swear_."

Soichiro studied him, his expression unreadable, at least to L.

"Is that another lie, Ryuzaki?"

"_No_! Look, I...earlier, I had to lie to you, otherwise I'd never have got out of that place. Hospitals...I don't like them, Yagami-_san_. I don't mean like other people don't like them; I mean I really, _really_ can't handle being in them. I'd rather patch myself up and take my chances."

There was a long, long silence, then Soichiro said at last, "A few days?"

"Yes. _Please_."

"Alright. But I'll treat your injury myself. That way I can keep an eye on it."

L wilted. He didn't think Soichiro would hurt him – at least, not deliberately – but he still didn't like the thought of letting someone who happened to be furious with him anywhere near his injury.

"Ah..."

"It's alright; I'll be gentle. Though I still don't know what you have against hospitals," Soichiro added. "It wasn't too bad last time, was it?"

L didn't answer. How was he supposed to explain that the only reason it hadn't been too bad was because Soichiro had been there with him for most of the time, and when he hadn't, Matsuda had been? Not that _Matsuda_ was someone L wanted to bond with particularly, but the man was a wonderful distraction if nothing else and could often be prevailed upon to run those vital errands, such as buying L a new book or fetching him a drink.

"I just hate hospitals," he muttered to his feet. "And I don't care what happens; I'm not going back into that one! I never should have gone in to begin with!"

_Empty defiance, L. You know full well that if Yagami-san decides you need to be in hospital, then that's where you'll be, although he may agree to take you to a different hospital. And you also know that he's right._

_I told you to shut up!_

"You'd rather have left that glass in your body, would you?"

"I could have pulled it out myself," L retorted.

"Yes, and pieces of it would probably have splintered off and stayed inside you."

"They might _not_ have," L muttered, not quite under his breath.

"_Ryuzaki_..." For a moment it looked like Soichiro was struggling to find words, then he settled for, "You have got to be the most stubborn, argumentative person I have ever met!"

L put on his best innocent look and turned to face Soichiro. "Well, so long as I'm good at something."

"I meant what I said back in Osaka, Ryuzaki." The older man's voice was very quiet. "I've no intention of trying to control you."

"I..."

"That is why you argue all the time, isn't it? You know you need me, but you can't stand the thought of being controlled again and so you've made up your mind to fight me – not quite every step of the way, but near enough – just to prove to yourself that you can."

L couldn't think of anything to say to that. The fact that he'd been so easily read was terrifying.

"Yagami-_san_...I..." His voice tailed off and the resultant silence stretched out between them. Instead of the frustration or exasperation L had been expecting, Soichiro's tone was...what? _Kind_? Was that the word?

L looked away, eyes smarting painfully.

"You don't know what it was like."

"Alright." Still the same quiet tone. "Then why don't you explain it to me?"

Explain? How was he supposed to do that? How could he make someone like Yagami-_san_ – who had probably never been a prisoner in his _life –_ see what L's world had been like? _How_, when he was only beginning to realize it himself?

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

L shook his head. "I can't. I _can't_," he repeated when Soichiro looked at him. "I mean it. It's nothing personal but...no. There are some things I have to keep secret, even from you."

Soichiro was quiet for a long time. At last he said, "Ryuzaki, I know I asked you this before, but did something happen to you in a hospital?"

_This again? Talk about a one-track mind._

"No," L said truthfully.

"Then what exactly is it that you have to keep secret?"

L looked away, keeping a wary eye on Soichiro's reflection. He could feel himself tightening up inside, and if he got _too_ tight there was a very good chance he'd explode.

_No. Not here._

"If I told you that, Yagami-_san_, it wouldn't _be_ a secret, would it?"

Soichiro sighed. "No, I suppose not. But I wish you would trust me."

_I wish I could_. L wondered what that would be like; to have someone you could go to with your problems, someone who'd be there for you. Someone who'd just accept you without trying to use you or to change you. Was that what it was like to have a father?

_Oh, don't start getting sentimental. You said it yourself; people who get close to you die. Do you want Yagami-san to die?_

L shivered inwardly. No, he did _not_.

_Exactly. If he dies, who are you going to have left? Better keep him at a distance._

_That's all very well except for one thing: he won't let me!_

_So? Leave him and his family. You can still let them stay in the old HQ, but you should stay well away. He'll be hurt, he'll probably hate you, but at least he'd still be alive._

"I _can't. _I told you before, Yagami-_san_, we can't be friends." Oh, this hurt, hurt worse than anything he'd ever had to do in his life before.

_I know. I know it hurts you to hear this, Yagami-san, but if you knew how much it hurt me to say it—_

_Now who's making Dickens references?_

_Shut. Up._

_It's alright; he doesn't believe you mean it. Just as well really, seeing as you don't. You know you'd miss him and his family if he took you at your word._

_What do you mean? _L demanded furiously. _You were pressing me into vanishing without a trace not two minutes ago. Just whose side are you on, anyway?_

"You're better off without me."

"Is that right?" There was a little too much understanding in Soichiro's face for L's liking. The young man didn't trust himself to answer and so he just looked away, vision blurring a little.

_Stupid feelings. Stupid, stupid feelings_.

"Ryuzaki, since you're not carrying some fatal and highly contagious disease, meeting you and being with you is not going to kill me. You're also not working as a detective anymore, so it's not very likely I'll be caught in the crossfire, unlike other friends you may have had in the past."

"I never had any other friends, Yagami-_san._ And I thought that was what you were supposed to do with friends; keep them safe and out of harm's way."

"And who are you trying to keep safe, Ryuzaki? Me? Or yourself?"

L floundered for a few seconds.

"What...what do you mean?"

"I mean that I don't think you're trying to push me away because you're worried about me. You're trying to push me away because you're too frightened of being hurt."

L stared at him, the words cutting into him like a knife.

"How can you say that? How can you even _think_ it? If you die, what's going to happen to your wife and daughter? They already lost one family member; now they're going to lose another! Just stay away from me, Yagami-_san_. I'm a goddamn jinx."

Soichiro shook his head. "There's no such thing."

L gave a short, bitter laugh. "Right. Yes. I used to believe there were no such things as _shinigamis_ either, and look what happened."

"Do you think that Sayu was attacked because she met you?"

L looked away. "I don't know. It seems like a pretty big coincidence. And if it is true—"

"—which it isn't—"

"—Sayu-_san_ almost died. She would have died if—" He stopped rather abruptly.

"Go on," Soichiro instructed him. When L remained silent, the deputy director nodded. "Alright then; I'll say it for you. She would have died if it hadn't been for you. Or have you forgotten that you got that bandaged hand saving her life?"

L examined his hand dispassionately. He'd never punched anyone like that; when he'd been in fights before, he'd relied on kicks to get him out of them.

_Not quite true. Remember what happened in New York?_

_No! And neither do you!_

"Yagami-_san_..." L hesitated, not entirely sure whether he wanted to start this conversation, then he took the plunge. "May I ask you something?"

"What's that?"

"Sachiko-_san_...does she approve of me?"

"In what sense?"

L examined his thumb, found the nail had been bitten too far down to the quick to be of any use and settled for nipping at his forefinger instead.

"I don't know," he said at last. He'd decided that learning to be normal was like learning a new language and he was also uncomfortably aware that he'd probably used the wrong vocabulary just now.

"Then why are you suddenly wondering about it?"

"She didn't see me in the hospital." L had been surprised how much that had hurt. No matter how much he tried to tell himself that Sachiko would have been occupied with Sayu, or that she'd only known him for about a week (had it been a week already?) he hadn't realized how he'd been looking forward to seeing her until she failed to turn up.

"She was very worried about Sayu, Ryuzaki."

"You must have been as well, but you came to see me. I know it's stupid, but...I can't help wondering. I'm not good with social settings and if I offended her in some way, I wouldn't know unless she told me. But _you_ probably would."

"I see." Soichiro was quiet for a few seconds. "Well, you haven't offended her that I'm aware of."

"Good. That's good." L fell silent, mind ticking over. He'd been meaning to ask this next question since his disastrous excursion to Osaka. He _hadn't _envisaged himself asking it in the NPA restrooms, but who knew when he'd get another chance? "Yagami-_san_? May I discuss something with you? I mean, will you promise me not to be offended, because I really don't mean what I'm about to say in an offensive or disrespectful manner."

Soichiro looked at him for a few moments, then he said, "I promise not to get angry with you."

That wasn't quite what L had been hoping for, but it was close enough.

"Alright. Thank you. It's just...when I was out and about in Tokyo, I...well, I had this _idea_."

"I see. What sort of idea?" Soichiro's voice was calm, controlled. In fact, now that he thought about it, L couldn't ever remember the older man being angry. Frustrated, irritated, yes, but actual lost-control-screaming-angry...never.

"It's about Sachiko-_san_."

"Go on."

Was that anger? Suspicion? Disapproval? Anything at all? L floundered for a few seconds, then went on obligingly.

"Well...I got to thinking...she's been very kind to me and, um, I wanted to buy her something. It's just as well I didn't, seeing what happened, but...I'd still like to."

"I see," Soichiro said again. "Do you have any thoughts as to what?"

Relieved that Soichiro hadn't risen to his feet in a blaze of fury, L slumped against the wall.

_I'm getting better at this_.

"Yes," he said aloud, "but none of them are any good. The best I could come up with were flowers."

"They'd be ideal. Why didn't you buy them at the time?"

L nibbled on his thumbnail for a few moments. "Partly because it wasn't my money – Sachiko said I could use the two thousand yen for food, but I thought I could skip the food and buy her a present instead, but it still wouldn't be the same. And partly because I wasn't sure. I thought...maybe...you might mistake my intentions, Yagami-_san_."

Soichiro stared at him for a long time, his expression unreadable, then he laughed.

It wasn't quite the reaction L had been hoping for, but being laughed at was about fifty times better than being yelled at and so he swallowed his irritation.

"Ryuzaki," Soichiro said, as soon as he could speak, "I'll be honest with you and admit that I had several reservations about taking you into my home, but the fear that you might try and seduce my wife really _wasn't_ one of them!"

L glanced up at the older man, a trickle of apprehension running through his mind. "You did? What kind of reservations?"

"The usual." There was a look in Soichiro's eyes that L couldn't quite place, even though it was one he saw very often. "I wasn't sure how my family would react to you, or you to them."

"Because I'm a freak."

"I told you not to use that word."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_. I'm allergic to political correctness. Would you have had similar reservations if I'd been completely normal?"

"I'm not denying you're different, Ryuzaki—"

"It's the same thing! Being different is what makes someone a freak!"

Soichiro still didn't look angry; instead he just raised his eyebrows.

"Is that so? Alright then. Let me ask you something. Matsuda, Aizawa and I are three very different people. Which one of us is the freak? By your own arguments, one of us must be."

_Why does he do this to me_? L wondered. Every time he went in with a sound understanding and rationale concerning the world and his own place in it, Soichiro Yagami blew it wide open in about two seconds flat.

"Why do you care what I call myself anyway?"

"Why do _you_ insist on putting yourself down the whole time? I know you don't like being thought of as a freak, otherwise you'd never have told me about wanting to be normal, so why go around telling people you're one?"

L looked away, a dull pounding in his head.

"Ryuzaki?" Apparently silence wasn't an acceptable answer.

_When is it ever?_

_Shut up. He's getting too close. You know that._

_Ah. Has he got all the way to Kyoto yet?_

L was spared having to answer this by the light bulb in the ceiling, which chose that moment to go out.

"What—" he began.

Soichiro, who L was pleased to note seemed similarly distracted, opened the door to an equally dark hallway. "Must have been a power failure."

"Ah. Well, I know it's a long walk to the fuse box from this part of the building, but still...you'd better investigate."

The older man glanced at him. "Why do you say that?"

"Most fuse boxes are located in the basement, Yagami-_san. _ And I know my way around the NPA."

"Really? How?"

L opened his mouth, reaching for the answer in his mind, and found nothing but a blank. He prodded it for a few minutes to see if he could make anything out of it, but when he failed, just closed his mouth again and shook his head.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "That's probably impossible for you to believe, but I swear it's the truth. I've no idea how I know my way around here; I just do."

"Have you been here before?"

L shook his head again. "No. I was twelve or thirteen when Watari finished turning me into L and decided to put me to work, and I don't see how I could have been allowed in here _without_ being L, especially since I was only about eight when I was taken out of Japan. I can't think why I would have come here anyway; Tokyo's a long way from Aomori."

"Why _did_ you go back to Aomori?" Soichiro asked.

L shrugged.

"Why not?" he said. "It was my home prefecture." That was as far as he was prepared to go. He couldn't tell Soichiro the truth; that he'd been hoping he might see something familiar in that prefecture, something that might help him piece together his life prior to Wammy's House. It had been a stupid, crazy plan. Yagami-_san_ would only laugh at him.

"So you've said, but I can't help noticing that you don't have any kind of accent."

Seeing that Soichiro no longer seemed inclined to lambaste him, L relaxed a little.

"Watari always got irritated when I spoke in my native accent. He insisted on Tokyo pronunciation all the time. I just kind of got out the habit of it." Of course, his pronunciation wasn't _pure_ Tokyo – he had traces of an Osakan accent – but Yagami-_san_ was right; it sure as hell wasn't Aomori either. "And standing around here debating my regional accent is all very well but it won't get the lights back on." L paused, calculating, then took a risk. "Or is the grand deputy director of the NPA too high and mighty to investigate his own power cuts?"

Soichiro folded his arms. "Is the world's most famous detective brave enough to risk antagonizing the grand deputy director of the NPA?"

L paled. "No, not really."

"Good. And I can't help feeling you want me out of here for some reason."

"I do. I have to..." L broke off, feeling himself go red, then indicated the urinals with an embarrassed jerk of his head. "_You_ know."

He wasn't sure in the darkness, but something in Soichiro's voice suggested that the older man was smiling.

"Ryuzaki, has anyone ever told you that you're something of a prude?"

L thought about this for a few minutes, then said seriously, "No, Yagami-_san_, no one's ever told me that. I've been called a pest, a nuisance, a freak, a pervert, a detective and a bastard, but never a prude. I don't have a problem looking at other people's naked bodies; I just don't want other people looking at _mine_."

"It happens to be pitch dark, Ryuzaki, so I doubt they'd see anything. And you could just go into one of the toilet stalls."

L squirmed. Even that didn't offer enough privacy for his peace of mind. "Please?"

"Alright." Still that hint of a smile. "I'll see if I can find out what's happening. Don't go anywhere."

L stood there, waiting until the deputy director had left before turning his attention to the urinal and grappling with the problem of using it in the dark.

He didn't hear the door open again, nor did he hear it close. He wasn't even aware that he was no longer alone until someone cleared their throat behind him in a way that was vaguely familiar. Not Soichiro, but not a stranger either. L didn't turn around; having finished his business, he was now fully occupied in wrestling with his fly, which had chosen that moment to get stuck.

"Matsuda? Is that you?" What was it about the dark that made you automatically want to whisper? "It's me; Ryuzaki."

"Ryuzaki?" The voice was very quiet. "It's me; Sato."

* * *

**AN:** So...it looks like the next chapter's going to be an L one as well. I had wanted to avoid any consecutive L chapters as this story is far more about Soichiro, but in this case I think a second L chapter is needed. Unless, of course, you'd all rather skip what happens next and read about Soichiro's Thrilling Quest for the NPA Fusebox XD


	16. Family

**Beezus: **Thanks XD The Winchester Mad Bombings...hmm. My interpretation of that's already been given in this story, but here's a quick recap: L and his family were on holiday in England, L stopped the Winchester Mad Bombings while he was there, L and his family flew back to Aomori in Japan and L disappeared off the face of the earth shortly afterwards. Of course, if you wanted to know how L wound up in Wammy's House, that's something that will only be covered in the sequel XD

**Dennis Nedry: **Heh. I'm not giving that one away; you'll have to keep reading to find out. And yes, I've read _Another Note_...several times ;)

**Lucy: **Thanks :) And yeah, I know...it was probably the worst possible moment for Sato to come along XD

**Mystery Reviewer: **Thanks. And as requested, here is more :)

* * *

**JUNE 11 – 12**

_Okay. This is really, really bad._

_No kidding. Talk about getting caught with your pants down._

_Oh shut up!_

Still without turning around, L said in a low voice, "Unless you want me to be arrested for indecent exposure the second you drag me out of this room, you might let me do up my jeans before you do anything else."

"Of course." There was an amiable note in Sato's voice that L didn't trust for one second. "Do you want me to help you?"

"No I do _not_!"

"No need to snap at me like that. It was a fair question; things like flies and buttons must be difficult for you with only one hand." A cold note entered Sato's voice and continued. "For future reference, L, since we're going to be working very closely together, I think it's only fair to tell you that Watari may have indulged your childish outbursts, but if you expect _me_ to be—"

"I don't expect anything from you at all, Sato." Finally managing to wrestle his mutinous fly up, L pulled his t-shirt over his jeans and spun to face his enemy. "Now get out of my way."

"That's no way to speak to your handler, L."

L stared at him, then said on impulse, "Yagami-_san_ is my handler."

"Do you really think that Wammy's House is going to let you choose your own handler? That's not how it works. You should know that better than anyone. You have no knowledge of how to survive in the world – you don't even have a _hanko _– and that's as it should be. You need a handler as your link with everyone outside your room." Sato took a step forward. "Speaking of rooms, that was rather a cheap trick with the smoke alarm back in Osaka, wasn't it?"

L didn't move. "And your drugging me _wasn't_?"

Sato raised his eyebrows. "You _were_ about to leave without permission, L. What did you expect me to do?"

_Yagami-san, where are you?_ L thought wretchedly, although he already knew the answer; Soichiro was halfway across the building by now looking for that damn fuse box.

"I don't need your _permission_ to go anywhere, Sato," he retorted. "And if you think for one _second _that you can do to me what you did to Mello—"

"Do I need to?" Sato interrupted. "He was rather a tearaway, if you—no, you wouldn't remember, seeing you'd been absent from the House for six years when you met him. Well, he ran away several times. People were starting to get a little too interested in us."

_No they weren't_, L's other mind pointed out. _If every kid in Wammy's House ran away and had to be forcibly returned, then people would start to wonder why. Let's face it, even you stopped trying to escape six months after arriving, and none of your attempts ever succeeded anyway. Just one kid doing it could be chalked up as being a problem child._

"And that justifies your disfiguring him, does it?" L demanded of Sato, not certain whether he was answering the man's explanation of events or his own inner thoughts.

"He got a little further each time. He had to be marked in some way. Watari agreed."

"You're a liar." Cold anger suddenly filled L, freezing any fear inside him. "Watari may not have wanted to let Mello leave, and maybe he would have condoned locking him in his room, or possibly even sedating him. I don't know. But Watari would never have let you _mark_ Mello, as you put it."

"He did seem a little upset when he found out." Now Sato's voice was indicative of complete boredom. "Luckily I did it after he dumped you back at the House and took off for London, so he wasn't around to stop me. And doing what I did...well, it wasn't easy for me, L."

"What, holding Mello down so you could burn off half his goddamn _face_, Sato? No, I bet it wasn't easy!"

"That's a gross exaggeration, L. I burned about a third of it, if that. And he had to be marked; he was one of our most promising candidates and besides, he belonged to the House. Just like you do."

"The House." L was silent for a long while, then said in a low voice, "Yeah, I remember the last contact I had with that House. I emailed them telling them I had less than a month to live and you know what I got back? _Acknowledged, we will update our records accordingly. _I didn't expect anyone there to cry their eyes out, but after everything I'd done for Wammy's House, I was hoping for a more human response than that, even if it was just _Thank you for all your hard work_. And now you're standing here wondering why I didn't rush back like some well-trained _pet_? I'm through with that House, Sato. I won't interfere with it or give away anything I know about it, but I'm not going back and there's nothing you can do or say to change my mind."

Sato didn't answer for a while. At last he remarked casually, "That Sayu's a lovely looking girl, isn't she?"

Fury burned away most of the pain and L took a step forward. "You _dare—_"

"Who do you think Yagami would choose to protect, L? Some freak who he's only helping because he owes him a favor, or his own daughter? His last remaining child? Somehow I doubt his wife's going to be having any more kids. Sayu's all he has."

"I don't believe you'd do it."

Sato smiled lazily. "Well, you believe I'd do _something_, L, otherwise why are you so agitated?"

L stood there, muscles so taut he was quivering, then said, "Why now? You've known I was alive for a long time, so why come after me now?"

"Correction: we suspected you may be alive. As for coming after you, I've told you that already. I knew you'd come back to that old house sooner or later. I just had to wait."

L shook his head. "No. That doesn't make sense. Yagami-_san_ and I were there for a couple of days and you were nowhere to be seen. Why wait _now_? What's changed?"

"Your location for one thing. We didn't know whether you were working in Aomori or not, so there seemed little point in going after you. The House didn't want to jeopardize any operation you may have been on. However, now you've come back, you're a free agent again."

"Not so free, Sato, if you have anything to say about it. Why the hell can't you and the House just let me go?"

Sato blinked. "After all the trouble that the House had to go through to obtain you in the first place? You must be joking!"

"What do you mean?" L stared at him, mouth suddenly dry. "_Obtain_ me? What are you talking about?"

"Yes, I don't suppose Watari would have bothered telling you, since it's none of your concern. You really don't need to know, L. Now let's get moving before Yagami comes back."

An idea, a last, crazy, desperate idea occurred to L and he acted on it before his common sense or his other mind could make themselves heard.

"I will come with you, under one condition. You let me find out whoever's behind these murders and put them away. After that, I'll take on any job you want."

Sato sighed. "And I suppose you expect me to speak with Yagami about those murders, and you have a plan to enlist his help. No."

"Yagami-_san—_" L stressed the suffix slightly— "is one of the investigators, yes, but he's not in charge. You'll have to speak with a man called Tatenaka. He and I can't stand each other, but that shouldn't be a problem for you."

"Interesting." Sato studied the young man closely. "Tell me _why_ you want the murderers caught so much. Besides the obvious, I mean."

"They went after Sayu—"

"Yes, I know. Get to the point."

"—and...Yagami-_san_ helped me. A lot. I think catching the people responsible for this would be a good way to thank him." L willed his face to remain neutral, mind and heart both racing. This was the very last card in his hand...if this didn't work, he was screwed.

"If you're trying to trick me—"

_Of course I'm trying to trick you, you idiot! _The words were so clear in L's head that for a moment he was afraid he'd spoken them out loud and he held his breath, waiting for the world to end.

"—you know what'll happen to you." Sato's voice was calm, matter of fact. He might as well have been reading out of a phone book.

L started breathing again.

"Of course I do. That's why it would be stupid for me to try, wouldn't it?" Yes, he _really_ missed Watari. The old man had never let him go either, but at least he'd been intelligent enough to present a serious challenge for L.

_I wonder what Sato would say if he knew that all the tricks I've used on him are ones that failed against Watari. Since he thinks he's so clever._

"If you try and escape again, you know it'll be the Yagami family I go after, don't you?"

L put on his best innocent expression. It had never fooled Yagami-_san_, but Yagami-_san _was a police officer and therefore something of an expert in spotting faked innocence.

"Yes, I know." _Over my dead body. _"I also know that if you and I stand around debating this much longer, Yagami-_san_ will be back and you can tell him that personally. I've mentioned it once or twice to him, but I don't think he believes me." L gestured toward the door, faking a nonchalance he was far from feeling. "Shall we?"

_If this doesn't work, we're screwed. You know that, right?_

_Of course I do. Shut up and let me think._

_There's nothing to think about. If this doesn't work, you're going to have to make a break for it. Good luck doing that, with your hip in that condition._

_I said shut up._ L followed Sato out of the door and back through the corridors, noticing with no real surprise that the man didn't seem to have any trouble navigating in the dark. (L, on the other hand, was left stumbling into walls and chairs more than once; his night vision wasn't good at the best of times).

They'd gone about three quarters of the way when the lights came back on, causing both of them to wince and cover their eyes. A brief hope of making a sudden – albeit blind – dash for freedom flared up in L, but Sato reacted faster than he did, gripping L's wrist in a hold tight enough to leave bruises.

_Oh well. Nice idea. We'll just have to hope that Plan A comes off._

L followed – or rather, was dragged – after Sato to Tatenaka's office, where he was pushed against the wall and ordered not to move a muscle.

Nursing his bruised wrist, L leaned against the wall and waited, mind turning over other options in case this didn't work out the way he'd planned.

_Mistake number one_, he thought, watching Sato push open the door and stride in without knocking. _You never, ever behave rudely toward someone you want to work with._

Perhaps Sato had also learned this, or perhaps Tatenaka's glare had been more frosty than usual. At any rate, when he spoke, his tone was a lot smoother than the one he'd taken to L.

"Tatenaka-_san_," (Sato had pushed the door to but failed to close it completely) "my name is Hideaki Sato. I'm here as L's representative. He has asked me to inform you that he is both ready and eager to tackle the case of these murders."

"L." There was a slightly strained note in Tatenaka's voice. "Yes. Ah. Well. Should we require his assistance in this or indeed any case, we will of course let you know, but..." He let the sentence trail off. Out in the corridor, L kept his face a mask, betraying none of his feelings, while his other mind punched the air triumphantly and yelled _YES_!

A pause, then Sato said, "I'm...not entirely with you, Tatenaka-_san_. What do you mean?"

"L's last report to the ICPO was rather...peculiar. I believe he may have suffered some kind of mental breakdown. I would hate to add to his troubles and to my knowledge, the majority of the ICPO representatives feel the same way."

"Mental breakdown." Sato's voice was so toneless that in spite of himself, L felt a shiver run down his spine.

"Yes. He stopped the killings, but he refused to reveal Kira's identity, and he claimed the killings were done with a _shinigami_ and some kind of...of deadly notebook. I'm not entirely sure he's, well, in his right mind."

_Neither is he_.

_If I have to tell you again to shut up—! _L thought.

_You'll what?_

"Anyway," Tatenaka continued in the same quasi-apologetic tone, "if we do decide to accept L's help in any way, you will be the first person I contact. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lot to be getting on with."

There was a long silence, then the office door opened and Sato emerged. Closing the door behind him, he turned to stare at L.

"The ICPO," he said in a monotone. "You fed the _ICPO_ a cock-and-bull story like that one?"

"There's nothing cock-and-bull about it, Sato. It was the truth. Watari would agree with me." The old man had always insisted that the facts had to be reported, no matter how outlandish they may seem. Embellishment of any kind was never permitted, nor were any personal comments or opinions.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing." Sato's voice was dangerously quiet. "You gave them the full story in case this happened, didn't you? You went out of your way to discredit yourself with the police so that you wouldn't have to work anymore."

"I just reported what happened completely and accurately, Sato. It's not my fault they took it the way they did." L stretched onto the tips of his toes, then dropped back down again in a hurry as the movement yanked painfully on his sutured hip, and smiled at Sato. Now that he thought about it, _had_ Watari touched the Death Note? L couldn't remember that he ever had. "Pity though. Looks like I'm out of the ball game for good now. After all, if the ICPO no longer want to work with me, there's nothing we can do. Sorry you've had such a wasted trip."

_Yes, Watari must have done. Otherwise he'd have thought I was insane. And I'm not! _That little fact kept sliding into his mind whenever it could.

A few simple sentences. That was all it had taken. A few simple sentences in which Soichiro just brushed away one of L's darkest fears and reassured him that in this, at least, he was completely normal. It was the reprieve to end all reprieves.

Of course, Watari would have said the same thing, only for some reason L had never confided in him.

_Yeah. Some reason like you were afraid he wouldn't want you anymore. Face it; he was all you had until Yagami-san came along._

_Of course he would have still wanted me, since there's nothing wrong with me!_

_Whatever. Hindsight's a wonderful thing. You weren't so confident before, and you were terrified when it came to asking Yagami-san for his opinion. Of course, since he's not a doctor nor your father, he doesn't have the power to have you committed, but still..._

_Don't you have anything useful to say? _L demanded.

_Yes. Duck._

_Duck? What do you mean, du—_

At that point, the world exploded into white.

* * *

"Ryuzaki!" The voice rang distantly in his ears. "Ryuzaki, can you hear me?"

_Annoying voice, coming in just when I'm asleep._

"Ryuzaki!" Now the voice was shaking him. L mumbled something in...actually, he wasn't sure which language he'd used, only that what he'd just said would be deemed unrepeatable in _any_ of them.

"Ryuzaki?" Different voice this time. Deep voice. Good voice. L forced his eyes open and blinked, wincing in the light.

"That's it. No, just lie there for a moment." A strong hand which L assumed belonged to the second voice dropped onto his shoulder and held him down, not ungently. "You may have concussion. Can you tell me your name?"

_Yes, but I won't. Nice try, but there's only one person I'd trust with my real name and that's me_.

"Ryuzaki," he said aloud.

"Well, that doesn't prove anything," First-Voice complained, "since we've both been yelling it at him for the past ten minutes."

"Yes, you're right. Ryuzaki, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three."

"And now?"

L struggled to focus. "Five? It's a little hard to tell with my nose in the carpet."

"He's probably alright," First-Voice commented. "Try sitting him up and see if he vomits."

"Thank you for that extremely _un_helpful contribution, Matsuda! Ryuzaki, how's your head?"

"Hurts." In fact, _hurts_ was too mild a word in L's opinion; his head felt like someone was trying to chisel their way into it from about five different angles.

"I know. Can you follow my finger?"

Struggling – his back and hip both hurt quite a lot, and he could feel the hot, sharp pain in his chest that experience had taught him meant at least one broken rib – L managed to lift his head to look at Second-Voice.

_Yagami-san! How...what..._

Even his other mind seemed baffled by this. L had followed Sato to Tatenaka's office, been punched in the face and knocked out, and then Sato had morphed into Soichiro Yagami.

A small part of him wanted to grab Soichiro and cling to him like he'd never clung to anyone in his life, but this part was overruled by the rest of him, which pointed out that there were witnesses and that Yagami-_san_ probably wouldn't take kindly to L's seeking comfort here in front of so many people...or anywhere else, come to that.

"Where's Sato?" he said instead, accepting Soichiro's offered hand and hauling himself painfully to his feet.

Soichiro stared at him. "Sato?"

"Yes, Sato! He came in here. He was behind the blackout."

"He can't have been. Most of Chiyoda's out."

"So what? Where is he?" L demanded.

Soichiro was silent for a few seconds, then he said, "I don't know. If he was here—"

"Of course he was here! Do you think I'd make a mistake like _that_?"

"—then he's gone now," Soichiro overrode him, staring L into silence.

L glanced around at the other people. He didn't know all of them, but none of them were Sato.

"How did you find me?"

"Tatenaka heard what was going on. He called my cell phone and ordered me down here."

L stared at him, completely poleaxed. "_Tatenaka_? That pompous idiot?"

There was a hard note in Soichiro's voice as he answered, "He may be pompous, Ryuzaki, and he may be an idiot, but that doesn't automatically make him a bad person. In fact, considering you – by your own admission – attempted to blackmail him not half an hour ago, I would say his bringing me back to help you makes him a better person than most."

"But..." L began, then stopped, unable to think of anything to say. "Where's Sato?" he managed again at last.

"I told you, I don't know. Wherever he is, it's not here. That's the good news." Soichiro paused, then went on. "The _bad_ news is that you're going back into hospital."

L drew away. "_What_? But...but you said—"

"You've pulled your stitches, Ryuzaki. You'll have to be re-sutured."

"Well...Matsuda can do that! Can't you?"

Matsuda, who was looking positively alarmed at being brought into this conversation, backed away, shaking his head.

"No! I don't have what's needed, I've _never_ sewn anyone up without a professional being there and even if I did and I had, I've never had to remove torn stitches before and I don't think sewing an infected wound back together would be a good idea. Yagami-_bucho_'s right, Ryuzaki; you have to go into hospital. You _have_ to. If nothing else you really need to get your head examined."

Even Soichiro smiled a little at that one.

"Yes." L kept his voice carefully neutral. "I've suspected that for years."

"You know what I mean! That's one hell of a bruise you've got coming up there. If your cheekbone's fractured, your entire face could end up deformed!"

"Matsuda..." Soichiro said wearily.

Matsuda colored.

"Alright, that's an exaggeration," he admitted, "but you should still have an X-ray."

"I agree." Soichiro nodded toward the exit, never taking his eyes off L. "After you."

L took half a step in that direction, then turned back, an idea occurring to him. There was still a way he could twist this situation to his own advantage.

"If I go into hospital, do I get strawberries?" he asked.

"_If_ you go there without any more stalling and if you let the doctors and nurses do whatever they need to do, then yes. I'll buy you some strawberries on the way back to the old HQ."

Satisfied, L strolled off toward the exit. If he hurried, maybe there would be some cherries in it for him too...

**JUNE 12**

L looked around.

_Well, here I am again_.

He wasn't in his old room. There were too many memories there for him to return just yet. Instead he'd moved into an empty apartment just down the corridor from Soichiro, with a large screen TV and a bed so soft it was like lying on a cloud.

_Yagami-san was right. You are poetic_.

L wandered over to the fridge-freezer, which was taller than he was, and opened it. Soichiro had been as good as his word and there was a punnet of large strawberries inside. (There had originally been two punnets and a box of cherries, but L had decided he wanted a bedtime snack).

The hospital hadn't been as bad as he'd feared. He'd been X-rayed, which he always found fun, and the doctor had gone on at him a bit for walking out with an injury like that one or something (L had long since mastered the art of tuning people out, along with the slightly harder ability to nod in precisely the right places). They'd given him a local anesthetic, restitched him and sent him back with Soichiro.

Now that L thought about it, the doctor had taken Soichiro to one side for a quiet word as well. He'd done his very best to eavesdrop, but they'd just been too far away. He'd have to ask Soichiro if they'd been whispering about him and if so, what exactly they'd been saying.

_Whatever it was, at least I'm safe here. No one can get to me._

"Ryuzaki?" A hand touched L's shoulder and he jumped violently, slamming the fridge door and twisting around to press his back against it. Seeing no one more threatening than Soichiro, he relaxed a little and did his best to slow his heart rate to something close to normal.

"_Yagami_-_san_! Don't _do_ that to me!"

"Sorry," Soichiro said, although L couldn't help thinking the older man looked more amused than contrite. "What are you doing standing around here in the dark?"

"It's not _really_ dark," L protested, then reached out and flicked on the small light above the hob. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I came to check on your injury."

Hopes of being included in another Yagami family dinner faded into smoke and L said, "Oh," very quietly.

"And Sachiko and Sayu both made me promise not to come back without you on pain of having my dinner thrown out of the window. Sachiko still isn't convinced you'll eat properly – or even at all – if she isn't there to stuff you and nor, for that matter, am I. And it's very quiet without you there."

Given he seldom spoke to any of the Yagami family (Soichiro notwithstanding) unless addressed directly, L didn't see how it would be any less quiet if he _were_ there, but he couldn't quite bring himself to ask. Instead he said, "Does Sachiko-_san_ insist on stuffing everyone she meets to the point of exploding, Yagami-_san_, or does she just like me?"

"Of course she likes you."

_'Of course',_ _he says_, L thought with just a touch of irritation as he sat down on a kitchen chair, unzipped his jeans and let Soichiro apply disinfectant to his gash. How was _he_ supposed to know that? It wasn't as if Sachiko had ever _told_ him.

The treatment passed in silence, unless you counted L's frequent intakes of breath and occasional yelps whenever Soichiro applied the disinfectant to a particularly sore area. At the end of it, Soichiro replaced the disinfectant in the bag and studied L in silence.

"What?" L said, unable to keep an edge out of his voice. "Did I cut myself shaving or something?"

"No, it's not that. Ryuzaki, I've been thinking about what you said to me yesterday," Soichiro said quietly, "about everything being so new to you."

Was he angry about it? L swallowed, or tried to. There was a suddenly painful knot in his throat.

"Oh?" he managed.

"I told my wife and daughter that I would invite you to dinner – and you're welcome to come, not just tonight, but every night – but if you'd prefer to spend some time alone, get your head together again, you're free to do that. No one will be offended."

What was he supposed to say to _that_? Was Soichiro hinting that enough was enough, that it was time for L to move out and start getting his own food? And if he was, could he somehow be prevailed upon to keep feeding L until Matsuda and/or Aizawa coughed up some of that rent money?

Aware that Soichiro was waiting for an answer, L moistened his lips and said hesitantly, "So...you _do_ want me to come to dinner tonight, or you don't?"

Soichiro eyed him for a few minutes, then said, "What do _you_ want, Ryuzaki?"

"Me?" L shifted his weight rapidly, not looking at Soichiro. This was getting into very dangerous territory. "I...well, I..." He hesitated, still baffled as to the right answer, and at last said, "Can you give me a hint?"

"A hint?" Soichiro seemed half amused, half...sad? Was that sadness? "Alright, if you want. There's no right or wrong answer to this question; it's a matter of choice. It's a dinner invitation, Ryuzaki, not a life or death decision. Whatever you say won't make the slightest bit of difference to anyone except you...although I think it's only fair to warn you that if you do turn it down, there's a good chance that my wife or my daughter – or possibly both – will redouble their efforts to feed you tomorrow."

_So what does that mean? Is he saying he doesn't want his family giving me their food if I'm no longer living with his family? Or is he just warning me not to offend them by refusing?_

_You know, it's just possible that there may be no hidden meaning in what he says. Maybe it's just a straight invitation to dinner. Ever think about that?_

_Sure. Just like I used to think about finding a family when I was in that orphanage. Some things are too impossible to bother contemplating._

"Yagami-_san_...I, well, I would like to come."

Soichiro smiled and L felt the knot in his throat vanish. He'd got it right.

"Alright. Come on then."

"_But_! But..." L floundered, trying to find the best way to express what was going through his mind.

"But?" Soichiro prompted.

"But...only if you really want me. I don't mean to try and feed me up and make me healthy. I mean _me_. As a person."

"In other words, you want to know whether you'd still be invited if you happened to be healthy already."

"I..." L hesitated, then forced himself to say in a rush, "I like your family, Yagami-_san_. But I don't want them to invite me over just because they feel sorry for me." The words _I want them to like me too_ formed in his throat and then promptly evaporated out of sheer awkwardness.

"It's possible to like someone and feel sorry for them at the same time, Ryuzaki."

"I don't need anyone's pity, Yagami!" The words exploded out of him before he had a chance to snatch them back and he went bright red. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. At least...not _like _that. It's just been a _really_ stressful time for me." L tried a small laugh with these words. It didn't quite come off.

"Yes, I can believe that." Soichiro was silent for a few seconds, then said, "What I still can't work out is why Sato just left you."

L stared at his hands, mind bleak.

"Isn't it obvious?" he said at last. "He hit me harder than he meant to. He could have got me out if I'd still been alert, as nobody besides you and the rest of the task force knows who I am, but hauling an unconscious body over his shoulder would attract too much attention. He had no choice but to dump me and run. He found me somehow. I don't know how, but he came straight to me a couple minutes after you left. That means he knew you were there and he was waiting for you to leave."

"If he knew you were in the NPA building, Ryuzaki, it wouldn't be too unreasonable to assume that I was with you."

"Yes, but he was _watching_ us. And since neither of us planned on that little visit to the restroom, he must have been following us. So close and I didn't see him!"

"Well, he can't get close to you in here. This building's got more security measures than a Ginza jewelry store."

"All they're going to do is slow him down," L shot back.

"Good. Then they slow him down long enough for you to get away. And for the record, Ryuzaki, I feel I should remind you that booby trapping one's house is not allowed in Japan."

L stared at Soichiro, making his eyes look as round and surprised as he could. "Booby trapping? I don't understand, Yagami-_san_."

Without a word, Soichiro pulled a coil of wire out of his bag, followed by three butcher knives, a frying pan and a rice cooker.

L looked at the items, nibbling on his thumb, then glanced up at Soichiro.

"Oh...thank you, Yagami-_san_. I've been looking for those. Where did you find them?"

"Where you _left_ them," Soichiro answered pointedly. "Ryuzaki, what would you have done if Sachiko had triggered one of those traps? Or Sayu?"

The thought of that was enough to root L to his chair. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no sound came out.

"Not a nice picture, is it?" Soichiro asked.

L shook his head violently.

"Then as soon as you get a moment, tell me exactly where all the _others_ are that I didn't find and I'll go around and disarm them."

L nodded. His tongue seemed to have frozen in his mouth. The thought of Sachiko – or any of the Yagami family – being killed because of something _he'd_ done...

"Good. In the meantime, let's go and get you fed before Sachiko comes after us both with a giant butterfly net."

The thought of this was so funny that L smiled before he could stop himself. He was surprised to find that he actually had an appetite, and even more surprised to see that Sachiko had made his favorite rice balls with salmon and extra helpings of _yakitori_. She'd even wrapped strips of seaweed around the rice balls and sprinkled seaweed chips and sesame seeds over the top.

"This looks amazing."

"Well, I've been meaning to cook you some chicken ever since you told me you liked it. Please, eat as much as you want."

"I will. Thank you." L lifted his chopsticks, manipulating them somewhat clumsily with his left hand and made a dive for the rice balls and the biggest _yakitori_ skewer.

_Good choice. Chicken and rice just seem to go together._

_Finally, something we agree on. _L crammed the entire rice ball into his mouth and somehow managed to stuff some chicken in there at the same time, and it was only Soichiro's pointed look that stopped him trying to wash it down with the glass of fruit juice by his plate.

"I'm starving," he mumbled, in an attempt to excuse his lapse in manners. It wasn't a complete lie either; hospital food was the worst."And this is really good. I mean, _really _good." He swallowed his mouthful. "Can you teach me to cook as well as you do?"

Sachiko blinked, looking pleased and flustered at the same time.

"Oh, well, I suppose...I could go over one or two things with you, yes."

"Please." That would be wonderful, to be able to eat things like this whenever he wanted instead of waiting for Sachiko to decide to make them. Although...if he did, would that mean he wouldn't be welcome in the Yagamis' house anymore?

L was silent for most of dinner, thinking this over. When the meal was done, he offered to help wash up (or at least, dry up) although with only one hand even he could admit his usefulness was rather limited on this score. Then, of course, he had to stop and pin Sachiko down to a firm date for his first cooking lesson, and then a TV show was starting that the entire Yagami family liked, so rather than sneak away, he settled in to watch it with them and hoped none of them would notice he was still there until it was over.

When it finally finished, only he and Soichiro were still awake, and L had run out of excuses to linger. Clearing his throat, he got to his feet.

"Well. Um. Please thank Sachiko-_san_ for me when she wakes up, it was a really good dinner. And...ah..." L glanced down, doodling on the ground with the toe of one foot and racking his brains for another stalling tactic.

"I will." There was a pause, then Soichiro said in a casual tone, "You know, Ryuzaki, it's getting late. Why don't you stay here for tonight?"

L looked up a little too quickly. "_Really_? You mean it?"

"Why not? We've got a spare room." Soichiro paused, then added in a quieter voice, "And to be honest, I don't like the thought of you being alone."

"You don't have to protect me, Yagami_-san_."

There was something in the older man's eyes that might have been humor. "Oh really? Because the first time you went off on your own, you got drugged, kidnapped and sliced your hip open. Not content with that, you then went and broke two knuckles on your right hand. The second time, you got yourself beaten into unconsciousness and fractured one of your ribs. For the sake of your few remaining limbs, I think it's best I keep my eye on you for a while."

L stared at him, then felt a small smile appear on his face, apparently of its own volition.

"Would Sachiko-_san_ mind?" he asked.

"You're rather hung up on Sachiko's opinion, aren't you?"

L shrugged a little. "Well, I don't know much about women. I've never really been this close to one before."

_What about Kyoto?_

_Shut up!_

"It's hard enough knowing what _you're_ thinking, Yagami-_san_," L went on, doing his best to ignore the second, mental conversation he was having, "and you're a guy."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "I see your powers of deduction are as sharp as ever."

L looked away, focusing on the floor. "Please don't make fun of me."

"I wasn't. And in answer to your first question, no, Sachiko doesn't mind you staying. If she did, I'd never have made the invitation in the first place. You mean a lot to me, Ryuzaki, but not enough for me to upset my wife."

"Didn't it upset her before?" L dared to ask. "When you first brought me in?"

Soichiro shook his head. "No. Sachiko's used to my bringing guests home on short notice. And as soon as we arrived here, she even made the bed up in that spare room, just in case." The older man's tone was a little too knowing for L, who looked away, biting his lip.

"Ryuzaki?"

"Am I that easy to read, Yagami-_san_?" L's voice quivered slightly and he hated it, hated himself for it, but couldn't stop it. "You must find me so dull. So predictable."

"_Predictable_?" Soichiro echoed, then, to L's surprise, laughed. "No, Ryuzaki, that's not a word I'd ever use to describe you! Nor _dull_."

"Then how do you know? How can you..." Words failed L, who was far more used to analyzing facts than emotions. "I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?"

"Everything! I know I saved Sayu-_san_'s life, but you didn't know anything like that was going to happen, so _why_? Why did you take me in? What do you _want_ from me? Even when I offer to help find the person behind these murders, you rejected me, so what do you want? No, I'll rephrase that; what do you get out of it?"

"Satisfaction, I suppose."

L broke off with a mental screech of brakes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I like helping people, corny as that sounds."

"So...when this is all over and I'm normal and in my own apartment, you get to pat yourself on the back and say _Hey, I did that_."

"I suppose so. But I didn't take you in just so I could prove to everyone that I'm a nice, caring individual. I took you in because you needed help. And because after losing you the first time, I wasn't about to let it happen again."

"Were you affected by my death, then?"

"Of course I was! I hate seeing people die, Ryuzaki, and I especially hate seeing _young_ people die."

Young. That was a strange word, and one that L had never thought of applying to himself before.

"Am I young?" he said aloud.

"You're twenty three. That's extremely young to do what you've been doing, and you started when you were a child."

"I don't feel young," L protested.

"Not many young people do. But you _are_ young, Ryuzaki. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and once Aizawa gives you that key money and starts paying you rent you'll be financially independent. You'll be able to do whatever you want to do, go wherever you want to go—"

"So long as Sato's not there waiting for me," L said bleakly.

Soichiro was silent for a while, then he said, "I'll think of a way to stop him from stalking you."

"You mean like killing him? Because that's what it'll take. He won't leave me alone until he's dead, or until Wammy's House assigns another charge to him, which isn't going to happen."

"Have you thought about contacting Wammy's House? Explain to them that you don't want Sato? His replacement may be more open to reason."

"They would never accept it. What I want and don't want is up to my handler to decide, not me."

Soichiro stared at him. "What do you mean?"

L glanced at him, surprised at the older man's tone. Surely Yagami-_san _understood this by now?

"What I say," he answered. "The handlers are responsible for their charges, Yagami-_san_, in every respect."

"So let me make sure I understand this. If we'd offered you some _yakitori_ while we were working on the Kira case, and you wanted it but Watari said you _didn't_ want it—"

"If Watari said I didn't want it, then I didn't want it. It's as simple as that."

Soichiro shook his head. "But evidently you don't still believe that, otherwise you wouldn't be fighting so hard not to let Sato get you."

L shifted his weight. This was dangerous territory, and he didn't feel up to discussing it just then.

_Especially because deep down you know he's right._

"Yagami-_san_, please...I'm very tired. May I go to sleep now?"

There was a short pause, then Soichiro said, "Alright. Come on."

"Thank you." _Dammit, does he have to look so understanding?_

The guest bedroom was small but cozy, with a large window that overlooked the Tokyo cityscape and one of the parks. A nightstand was tucked in next to the bed, with a small lamp on top. With a pang, L noticed that one of the family had even brought in his spare clothes and books and placed them all lovingly on a chair. Probably Sachiko.

"I..." he began, then stopped. All of a sudden, it was very hard to concentrate.

Soichiro paused. "Something wrong?"

L moistened his lips.

"You said Sachiko-_san_ got the bedroom ready," he said in a hoarse voice. "I didn't realize you meant ready for me."

"Well, who else would it be ready for? I can't think Sayu's going to bring many friends home from school."

"Yeah...but..." L stared around. The bed linen was even in his favorite color scheme – blue and white – although this was probably just a coincidence. "I never thought...what would you have done if I'd said I wanted to sleep in my own apartment tonight?"

Soichiro shrugged. "Said goodnight and let you go. You make your own choices, Ryuzaki."

"But this room...it's like...a-a home or something."

"And why not?" When L didn't – couldn't – answer, Soichiro took him by the shoulders. "Listen to me. Light's dead, and there was nothing you could have done to change that. But if it hadn't been for you, Sayu and I would be dead as well. Sachiko would have lost her husband and both her children in less than two years. You're an independent young man with an apartment of your own – several apartments of your own, in fact – and that's exactly how it should be. I can't predict how the future's going to go any more than you can, but one thing I can tell you for certain; all the time Sachiko and I are alive, you'll have a home with us. You may not always need it, but it's there for you if you ever do. I promise."

L stared at him, eyes dark. "Yagami-_san, _I...I don't know what to say."

"Well, there's a first time for everything," Soichiro quipped, then became serious again. "You don't have to say anything, Ryuzaki. Just remember it. And go to bed. I'm tired even if you're not. Goodnight."

L continued standing there motionless long after the older man had left, his mind in a turmoil.

_Just like that._

_Everything with Yagami-san's 'just like that', in case you hadn't noticed._

L ignored this, shaking off the trance enough to get undressed and into his bed. _His_ bed. In _his_ room. He'd never really had either of those things before; the room back at the house in Osaka wasn't nearly as good as this, his room at Wammy's House had been functional, bare of anything personal, and in between he'd only ever lived in hotel rooms. It felt strange, being part of a family.

_Hold it right there. Let's not get carried away. You're not a part of this family – not really – and you know it. Okay, so they offered you a roof. Maybe they like you, maybe they feel like they owe you one, maybe both. Who knows? But you start thinking of yourself as one of them and you're opening the door to a whole world of rejection._

_Yeah, yeah, I know. _L lay there in the semi-darkness (Soichiro had thoughtfully opened the curtains for him), mind drifting. For a short while he amused himself with a mind movie – his perfect memory and own imagination meant that his movies were far more organized than other people's daydreams and could last for almost as long as a real movie – in which his eight year old self was sent to live with the Yagamis in an undercover witness program, as opposed to being shipped all the way to England. After his parents died a couple of months later, he was adopted into the Yagami family (Light was curiously absent from this particular mind movie).

L had got as far as imagining his own graduation from elementary school – he came top of his class and Soichiro took them all out to celebrate – when sleep overtook him and he dropped into a heavy slumber. There was something very like a smile on his face.


	17. Contact

**Dennis Nedry: **Well...it depends if you take _Another Note _as canon. I do, which means that – according to the book itself – Beyond Birthday was killed by Kira five years after the BB Murders took place. Mello...yeah, he'd have been about nine or ten when Sato 'marked' him. I just always thought he was a lot cooler with the scar in the manga, so I had to think up a way of scarring him in the movieverse. Poor kid XD

**L-Lawliet-Ryuzaki13:** Heh. No, it makes no difference at all; I'm always happy to get reviews whether they're signed or not :D

**Mystery Reviewer: **Thanks XD And there will be a lot more Matsuda in the chapters to come, I promise ;)

**Numei Massacre: **Ooh, a breakdown fic with L and Sachiko. Interesting concept...not sure how it would work. (I did do an AU breakdown fic where L winds up with complete amnesia while working on the Kira case, but that one's far more L and Soichiro and anyway, I never really developed it seriously).

**Aireqin:** You're very close ;) Unfortunately you'll have to wait until the sequel for the full story of what happened in Kyoto XD

* * *

**JUNE 13 – 14**

When Soichiro woke up, he discovered that L had sneaked away at some point during the night, although he'd made his bed up neatly before he went. He'd also left a note on the kitchen table: _5am:_ _Gone to deactivate booby traps – Ryuzaki._

_Five am? Damn, Ryuzaki, you could have waited until the rest of the world was up and about_, Soichiro thought with a weary kind of amusement. He'd got up early himself to have more time to check on L's injury...which, now that he thought about it, might well have contributed to the young man's own early rising.

_Well, if he thinks he can get around having his injury disinfected that way, he's got another think coming to him._

Soichiro finished his coffee and then, when L hadn't reappeared, headed outside and for the young man's apartment. Someone had obviously been there; there was a sign taped to the door of L's apartment and Soichiro's pulse quickened as he headed toward it, part of him already convinced it was going to be some kind of ransom note.

_Minus the ransom part, of course_. Even he knew there was no way Sato would let L go, but he'd want to let everyone know what had happened, wouldn't he? He'd leave some kind of note or parting shot.

It turned out to be neither of those things, however; instead, written in L's unmistakable scrawl, were the words _Bath In Progress: Please Do Not Disturb_. Taped to _that_ sign was another, smaller sign which said _Not Even If You're Yagami-san_.

Soichiro stepped back, smiling a little.

_Well, I can hardly blame him. _Now that L had his own place, it seemed he was determined to indulge himself in a bath that wouldn't end the moment someone else wanted to use the shower.

_Alright, Ryuzaki. You enjoy that bath of yours; I'll come by after work. After all, the doctor didn't say there was a particular time I had to apply that antiseptic._

Thinking of that took the smile off Soichiro's face. The doctor may not have said that, but he'd taken Soichiro aside and said a whole lot of other things.

_"Four previously broken ribs, an old fracture of the pelvis, two healed fractures to the right leg, one barely healed crack in the left thighbone and traces of numerous old injuries to the knuckles on both hands. What the hell has this kid been doing?"_

Soichiro hadn't been able to give the man any answer and he didn't think that L would give _him_ one, so he'd just glossed over it as best he could.

_It's a good question, though, Ryuzaki,_ he thought as he headed for the exit._ What exactly were you doing before I met you?_

It couldn't all be a result of people catching up to him. Watari had been devoted to L – Soichiro still remembered that incident in the old HQ when the old man had stepped forward to take on Ukita – and very few of those enemies would have got anywhere near him. Nor did he believe that Watari had hurt L, and certainly never to _that_ degree. So just how the hell had he wound up with so many injuries?

_Yet another mystery to solve_. At the same time, he didn't think there was any way he _would_ solve it, not unless he asked L outright, and he could just imagine the young man's reaction to _that_ kind of question. L was not someone who enjoyed sharing his past.

* * *

There was a silent feel of sympathy in the air as Soichiro walked into the office, and it drove him mad after the first two or three minutes. He had no idea how his department had found out about those people trying to kill Sayu, but as soon as he found out, someone was in for the chewing out of the century.

"Yagami-_bucho_!"

Soichiro glanced over at Aizawa. "Yes? What is it?"

"Matsuda asked me to say that he'll be in as soon as he manages to organize a babysitter. His usual one lives pretty close to the HQ, so it shouldn't take him too long."

Soichiro frowned, momentarily distracted from their current situation. "Is his wife away, then?"

There was an awkward silence, then Aizawa cleared his throat and shuffled his feet. He wasn't the most popular man in the department, but neither was he a gossip.

"You, uh, you didn't hear?"

"Hear what?"

"She left him about six weeks ago. Him and their kid. I don't know any real details since...well, it's Matsuda."

Soichiro nodded. Emotional outbursts on Matsuda's part may have been common, but the younger man was very reticent when it came to personal problems.

"I see." Idiot! He'd known Matsuda had moved into the old HQ, and yet it had never occurred to him to wonder why. "Do you know anything about it at all?" he couldn't help asking.

Aizawa hesitated, then shook his head. "Not much. Somehow she found out that the money Matsuda's parents sent from Shimane for the wedding didn't come from them after all."

"Ah." Soichiro sighed. Matsuda had rigged that little gift himself, paying Aizawa to go down to Shimane and mail it from there. The deputy director had always thought that would come back to bite the young detective sooner or later.

"Then he takes three days paid holiday and goes _back_ to Shimane with his family," Aizawa went on. "As I understand, things went downhill from there."

"I see." Soichiro glanced around at his department, who were all pretending not to listen, and raised his voice. "There's been a development. It's unrelated to the current case, but I'll still be following it up as it concerns someone who may be able to help us. With that in mind, I want someone who speaks fluent English in my office in ten minutes' time. I don't care who it is, just someone."

Turning, he walked into his office and closed the door behind him. He couldn't do much about these murders, but he could damn well do something about Sato. It couldn't be that difficult to contact Wammy's House and tell them to lay off. A quick bit of research in the NPA archives yielded the number he wanted, and Soichiro settled back to wait.

Several minutes went by, then there was a rap on the door.

"Yes?"

The door opened and Takahashi stepped into the office. He was a new recruit to the NPA, having only been there about a month, and Soichiro didn't know much about him beyond his name and the fact that his desk happened to be opposite Aizawa's.

"Well?"

"You asked for someone who spoke English, Yagami-_bucho_. I'm fluent; I spent ten years in the US."

"Good. Shut the door." When Takahashi obeyed, Soichiro said, "What I'm about to say is strictly confidential. One of our agents ran into trouble with an organization in England. I want to tell that organization in no uncertain terms to back off right now."

"_Now_?" Takahashi looked a little apprehensive. "Yagami-_bucho_, you realize it's about midnight there, right?"

"I don't care what time it is; this can't wait. Come over here; I'll put it on speakerphone."

From Takahashi's expression, he now thought the deputy director was nuts, but he came over anyway and stood next to Soichiro as the older man dialed the number for Wammy's House.

It rang for several minutes before finally being picked up.

"Hello?" (Soichiro could understand that much English at least).

"My name is Yagami," he said via Takahashi. "I assume I'm speaking with the organization known as Wammy's House."

"Yes." The man sounded a lot more alert now. "How did you get this number?"

"I'm the deputy director of the NPA. We have your number on a confidential file." That had been Kitamura's doing. Soichiro suspected that his old boss had never fully trusted Wammy's House. Whatever the reason, there was a file on them tucked away in the archives, in among the old cases where no one would think of looking. "How do you think we got hold of Watari to ask for L's help in the Kira case?"

"I was under the distinct impression, Mr. Yagami, that Watari contacted _you_."

Soichiro decided not to pursue this; instead he said, "Who am I speaking to?"

"My name is Roger Ruvie. Following Watari's unfortunate passing, I became the head of Wammy's House." There was a slight tautness in Roger's voice which said he wasn't exactly overjoyed at this. "Mr. Yagami, what exactly do you want at this time of night?"

"I want you to leave L alone," Soichiro said flatly. (Takahashi's eyes widened a little at the mention of L's name, but he relayed the message). "Takahashi-_kun_, tell him – and please use these exact words, or as close as you can get – that attempted kidnapping is a serious felony in Japan, especially when the target happens to be a Japanese citizen."

"Mr. Yagami, we are talking about _L_," Roger said, once this had been passed on via Takahashi. "L has no nationality."

"Wrong. L was born in Aomori and lived there for the first eight years of his life before being taken out of Japan and into England, without, I might add, his parents' knowledge _or_ consent. Since he was born in Japan to Japanese parents, that makes him a Japanese national and therefore entitled to all the protection of the Japanese police. If he were still a child and in the custody of your orphanage, you may have some kind of a case, but he's over twenty and that makes him legally an adult here in Japan."

"L has been of significant use to the Japanese police."

"And that's the only reason I'm giving your organization the chance to remove Sato from here before we do."

The Westerner's tone changed to one of polite disbelief. "Remove him? From Japan? Mr. Yagami, Hideaki Sato is also a Japanese citizen. How are you planning to deport him from his own country? If he chooses not to leave Japan, I fail to see how I could force him."

"And yet you're quite happy to force L," Soichiro countered. "Sato has drugged him, imprisoned him, stalked him and assaulted him, any one of which would give me the right to arrest him."

Roger sighed. "I admit Sato _is_ a little overenthusiastic. However, with Watari dead, he is the only one with sufficient experience to handle L. You are probably unaware of this, but L has some unfortunate stubbornness in his nature that Watari was unable to train out of him."

_You don't say,_ Soichiro muttered in the privacy of his own mind.

"We feel Sato may be more successful in instilling some kind of discipline," Roger went on, oblivious to his listener's thoughts. "L is far too valuable a resource to be wasted; a mind like his ought to be used."

"I agree, but not by someone else." Soichiro shook his head. "I don't care what you think. L is not your property, nor is he your slave. He wants out of Wammy's House, and the Japanese government will do everything in its power to make that happen."

Takahashi covered the phone with his hand at the end of that translation and said in a very low voice, "Yagami-_bucho_, no disrespect, but aren't you exceeding your authority a little here?"

"You just translate, Takahashi."

"Yes, Yagami-_bucho_."

"Mr. Yagami—" there was a weary note in Roger's voice— "I appreciate you being so candid with me. In return, I will be equally honest with you: we will not recall Sato. L belongs to the House and we will do all in our power to ensure his safe and speedy return."

"And if he doesn't want to return?"

"What he wants doesn't come into this. Please believe me when I say this is nothing personal. I have no strong feelings one way or another on the subject, you understand, but I believe this is what Watari would have wanted. Since L is, as you keep insisting, an adult, perhaps it's time he learned that one's own personal desires sometimes have to be sacrificed for the greater good. And I must ask you to cease any further involvement with him, Mr. Yagami. Personal relationships and friendships will serve only to distract him from his work."

The line went dead. Soichiro stared at the phone for several seconds as though it were personally responsible, then slammed it down. He'd thought L had been exaggerating about how Wammy's House viewed him.

_Wrong. If anything, he understated it._

"Yagami-_bucho_? Was there anything else?"

Soichiro glanced at Takahashi. "No. Wait; yes." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the envelope containing the blood L had given him that night when Sayu was attacked and handed it to Takahashi. "This contains a DNA sample from one of the suspects. Take it down to the labs, see what they can make of it."

The younger man stared at it for a few seconds, his expression unreadable, then took it.

"Yes, Yagami-_bucho_. I'll see that they get it."

"Good. Thank you."

Takahashi bowed smartly and walked out of the office, holding the envelope as though it were made of gold.

"What was _that_ about?" Soichiro heard someone outside demand.

Takahashi's voice was calm as he answered, "Oh, some tourist or other who may have seen something. Turns out they didn't, but I guess we have to follow these things up. There's one good thing though; we found DNA at one of the murder scenes. Yagami-_bucho_'s told me to take it down to the labs for testing, and—" He closed the door, cutting off the rest of the sentence.

_Brains, languages and discretion,_ Soichiro thought._ I'll have to keep an eye on that one; he could go far. Meanwhile, we're no further forward._

Soichiro sighed. What was he going to _do_? The DNA was a good start, but unless it happened to match that of a suspect already in the database, it would be next to useless. He couldn't order blood testing of everyone who could have been in Tokyo when the killings took place; there wouldn't be enough room in the whole of the NPA to store the samples.

The rest of the day turned up nothing beyond an acknowledgement from the labs that the sample had been received and that they would be in touch as soon as they had some information. Soichiro wasn't holding out a whole lot of hope, but it would be vital to have some kind of DNA on record for when they managed to catch whoever was behind this.

_And I didn't even manage to get Sato out of L's way_, he thought bitterly. Roger hadn't struck him as a bad man, but it was clear that he saw L in the same way as the rest of Wammy's House: a kind of human computer that was so good at solving crimes that there didn't seem to be much point wondering if there was anything else it would rather be doing.

_Well, at least you tried_. _You failed, but you tried_.

The rest of the day dragged on, with no new information. While he'd been away, someone – probably Aizawa – had added a map to his desk with indicators of where the bodies had been found and the order they'd been found in, but that was all. Soichiro was certain that the man had only done it because if you were making and updating maps related to the case, then at least you were doing _something_. You may not be making progress, but you were doing something, and it kept morale higher than sitting on your hands or rehashing more minor cases.

_If there's one more murder, I'll have to ask Ryuzaki for help. I won't get him involved and if he says no, I'll respect that, but Aizawa's right. We can't let this continue._

Soichiro left the office at six that evening and returned to the headquarters with a heavy heart. It was nice enough there (especially since Sachiko had declared open season on all dust and grime in the apartment) but he missed their house.

_Just think, if they hadn't gone after Sayu, you'd be sitting down in your own kitchen with a nice cold beer right about now._

Even the thought of that made his throat constrict with longing. If they were going to be staying in the headquarters for any length of time, they'd have to stock up the cupboards. Sachiko had taken only the bare essentials with her when they'd left, and those were fast running out.

* * *

When he got back, he saw that L's bath sign had been taken down, and Soichiro took this to mean that the young man was now willing to receive visitors. Lifting his hand, he knocked on the door.

"Ryuzaki? It's Yagami."

There was a scrambling sound from inside and a few minutes later the door slid open to reveal a rather sheepish looking L.

"How are—" Soichiro began, before one thought overtook the other and he gaped at L. "You cut your hair!"

"Yes. I thought I had to do something before Sachiko_-san _decided to do it for me." L hesitated, scuffing the toe of one foot on the gleaming linoleum. "Do you...do you think it looks alright?"

From a neatness point of view, the answer was a resounding _no_. L's hair – never his tidiest feature – was now sticking up in all directions, making him look like he'd just jammed his finger into a plug socket. However, in an odd sort of way, it suited him.

"It's...certainly very you," Soichiro said at last.

L's face remained impassive. "You mean because _I'm _weird and now my hair's weird too."

That was more or less what Soichiro had been getting at, although he wouldn't dream of telling L so openly.

"You didn't ask me if I thought it looked normal," he pointed out instead. "You just asked me if I thought it looked alright. And I do. It suits you, Ryuzaki."

L bit his lip. "Really?"

He turned to examine himself in the microwave door, twisting his head from side to side. "I just can't get used to it."

"That _is_ normal. I feel the same way whenever I have my hair done. How's your hip?"

"Better. Much better. So much better that I'm not sure it needs any more disinfectant poured into it."

"Well, when you _are_ sure, let me know. In the meantime, let's have a look at it."

L clambered onto the table with a long-suffering expression and rolled his t-shirt up, lowering his jeans enough for Soichiro to examine the gash there. Much to the older man's relief, there were no further signs of infection. It looked like L's extended bath had done some good.

"See?" L persisted.

"Yes, I see." Soichiro strode over to the cupboard where L kept the disinfectant. "I'm still taking no chances."

L sighed. "Fine. Do you mind if I at least lie down? Only _last_ time you put that stuff on me, it stained my jeans _and_ my table!"

"Did you ever try and stall Watari like this?"

"Watari never listened to anything I had to say that wasn't work-related, so there was no point." L was already lying flat on the table as he spoke.

_Does he realize he just criticized him? _Soichiro wondered. It probably wasn't a good idea to point this out, but it was an interesting development. L was changing. He wasn't turning against Watari – and Soichiro would never want him to in any case – but he was beginning to see the old man as a human, and therefore someone who could be flawed.

"I see."

_Correction: he's beginning to see that it's okay to criticize Watari in front of you. His relationship with Watari isn't changing, but his relationship with you definitely is. He's starting to see you as less of an enemy._

Soichiro still suspected that the subject was too volatile a one for him to question L on it and so he opted for a safer topic of conversation.

"Did you get rid of all the booby traps?"

"Yes. All that's left now are the standard security measures and the secret passages. I hope you're not going to ask me to take _them_ out, since I didn't put them in. Ow!"

"Sorry." Soichiro, who had taken advantage of L's distraction to start applying the disinfectant, lightened his touch a little. "Why didn't you or Watari mention this when we were here before?"

L looked surprised. "Because – ow! – because there was no need for you to know. Kira wasn't the sort of enemy you could run away from."

"Do you think Sato knows about them?"

The young man shifted his weight. "I don't know, to be honest. But the ones going outside only open one-way, so he couldn't use them to sneak in. Ow!"

Soichiro rolled his eyes. "Ryuzaki, I'm barely touching you!"

"Well, you're barely touching me with a disinfectant soaked cloth, Yagami-_san_, and it—ow!"

"Hurts?" the deputy director suggested with a trace of humor.

"Precisely. Are you nearly done?"

"Almost." For all L's complaints about the treatment, Soichiro had to admit that the young man was very good about lying still and allowing him to administer it. "Just a little more...there." He leaned back a little. "Finished."

"_Finally_. I'm starting to think the hospital might have been a better bet."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Really? Well then, shall we go back there? I'm sure they'd be willing to look after you until you're fully healthy again."

L swallowed. "No thank you."

"Are you sure? I mean, if you feel my medical skills are in any way lacking and you would prefer a skilled professional to look after you, I won't be offended."

"I'd _prefer_ to treat it myself, Yagami-_san,_" L said stiffly.

"Yes, and no matter how bad it got, you'd lie and tell me you were fine until your leg rotted off! This way, I get to keep an eye on it myself."

The young man gave him a look of wounded innocence. "I'd _never_ lie to you, Yagami-_san_!"

Soichiro folded his arms and returned L's look with a stern expression. "You already did, Ryuzaki, remember?"

"Well...alright, yes, but it was only a _little_ lie. A tiny, insignificant lie and not worth bothering about in the slightest so why _are_ you?"

"Because if I'd believed you—"

"—which you _did_—"

"—then that gash on your hip would be so painful by now that I doubt you'd be able to move, and I don't want to see that happen to you. As I told you before, someone has to care about you, Ryuzaki, since you don't seem to care about yourself."

The innocent look dropped off L's face, to be replaced with something far more uneasy, then the young man turned away without a word, hopped off the table and sat down in front of his laptop (it seemed every room in this building had a spare one of those, Soichiro thought. Hardly surprising when you considered its original purpose, but it had still been a little strange to find a complimentary laptop in his own apartment that first night).

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I decided to take Aizawa's advice." L's voice was a little brittle. "Half of the money I got from solving those cases _should_ be mine by right, so I plan to transfer it from Wammy's into my own personal bank account." He finished typing and turned to Soichiro with a slight frown. "Uh...which bank should I go to for that?"

"That's up to you. If you don't mind getting up early tomorrow, I can take you to Shinsei bank; it's on the way to work."

"Won't that make you late for work, Yagami-_san_?"

"Only by a few minutes. You'll have to find your own way back though; I can't take you _and_ run you home, and if you're late up, I won't wait for you."

For a moment he thought L would refuse, then the young man swallowed and nodded.

"Shinsei bank?"

* * *

Far from being late, Soichiro found L ready and perched on the Yagamis' kitchen table at eight am the next morning.

"The bank doesn't open until nine, Ryuzaki."

"I know, but I'm hungry and I ate all my fruit last night. May I please have one of your yogurts?"

"Help yourself."

L jumped down and rummaged around in the fridge, finally emerging with a strawberry yogurt.

"The spoons are—" Soichiro began, but too late; L had already peeled off the top and was gulping the yogurt straight from the pot like an extra thick milkshake. "_Ryuzaki_!"

L lowered the pot and looked at him, a surprised expression on his face and a small blob of yogurt on his nose.

"Yes, Yagami-_san_?"

"Use a spoon."

The surprised look deepened. "If I use a spoon, I will lose approximately four point two nine percent of the yogurt. Eating it this way enables me to consume the entire amount., especially as I'm able to lick out the pot afterward. Tongues make extremely efficient cleaning tools."

_Well, there goes my appetite_, Soichiro thought.

"Ryuzaki?" he said in a perfectly level tone.

"Yes?"

"Use a spoon," Soichiro repeated.

"But it seems like such a waste of—"

"_Spoon_. And when you've finished eating, go and wash your face. You've got yogurt on your nose."

L rubbed his nose with a finger, looked at the yogurt there, then licked it off. "How's that?"

"_Wash_," Soichiro said again. "How did you get in here, anyway?"

"The section of wall between the oven and the refrigerator is a secret door. Push on the third tile from the left if you want to open it."

Soichiro glanced at him, then did so. There was a _click_ and a large section of the wall swung inward, revealing the apartment next door.

"So you weren't joking about the secret passages."

"I rarely joke, Yagami-_san_." L finished splashing his face in the kitchen sink, then lifted his t-shirt up and used it to dry himself. "Satisfied?"

"Yes."

"Good. Can we go now?"

"No. I told you, the bank doesn't open until nine. There's no point leaving here before eight thirty at the earliest."

L perched on one of the kitchen chairs. "We could stop off at a grocery store. They're open. I could buy some more fruit."

Soichiro gave him a long look. "I'm not your chauffeur, Ryuzaki. I'll come with you to the bank, but I'm not driving you all over Tokyo just so you can run your errands. We'll leave at eight thirty."

"Ryuzaki-_san_?" Sayu stood there, looking half unsure, half pleased, and Soichiro realized this was the first time L and Sayu had come face to face outside of a family meal, which didn't lend itself to heartfelt conversations. "You're back."

"Sayu-_san_!" L's eyes lit up. "How are you?"

"Fine." Sayu hesitated, then said in a smaller voice, "Well...not fine, but...you know."

"Getting there," L supplied.

"Yes." More hesitation, then Sayu blurted out, "Ryuzaki-_san_, thank you. You saved my life. If you hadn't come in when you did—"

"Let's not think about that," Soichiro cut across, who hadn't been able to think of anything else.

L shifted his weight on the chair, eyes firmly on his sneakers. At last he mumbled, "It was nothing."

"How's your hand?"

"Yes," Soichiro agreed, "how _is_ your hand, Ryuzaki?"

L glanced at his bandaged hand. "Fine. I'll be able to use it again soon. Luckily I can write with my left hand, although not very tidily."

He couldn't write all that tidily with his right hand either in Soichiro's opinion, but so long as it was legible, the older man supposed that was all that mattered.

"Well, if you need help, let me know."

"I will." L shot a look at the clock, which told the world that it was eight twenty five, then turned back to Soichiro. "Are you coming?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "It's only a trip to the bank, Ryuzaki. Anyone would think you were going on holiday."

"It's my first step toward financial independence, Yagami-_san_. I _need_ a bank account and the sooner I get one, the better."

_True, and by the time we're in the car and out of here, it'll be half eight. Alright, Ryuzaki. You've been so undemanding that I'll indulge you this once._

Soichiro got to his feet, surrendering to the inevitable. "Fine. Come on. Sayu, we'll see you later."

"Have a good time."

_I doubt that_, Soichiro thought. Banks were tedious places at the best of times, and this was far from that.

It was ten past nine when they reached the bank, thanks to some unforeseen traffic jams. Once they were inside, Soichiro took a number from the machine, then hunted through the forms until he found the correct one and held it out to L.

"Here. You can make a start on this while we're waiting."

L picked up a pen and began filling out the form, then hesitated. "Yagami-_san_, they want my name."

"That's normal, Ryuzaki. They have to know who's opening the account."

"But do I have to put my _real_ name? Can't I just use Ryuzaki?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Is your real name that unusual?"

"No, it's—" L broke off abruptly. "It's quite a common one."

_Almost let it slip, didn't you_? Soichiro thought with a kind of weary amusement.

"Well, if any problems arise, I'll stand up and say you had to live under an assumed name for your own safety, but you can't open a bank account with just a family name. You'll need to give them a first name as well."

L considered this. "Can I use any name?"

"Yes."

"Alright." L scribbled a few kanji down onto the form, then glanced at Soichiro. "What am I supposed to put here? Date of birth? I don't know my date of birth."

_No, but I do_. Soichiro wondered how best to bring this up, then said, "Why not pick a date that's easy to remember? Like Halloween or something."

"Nobody's born on Halloween, Yagami-_san_." L thought about it for a few minutes, then shrugged. "But I suppose it's as good a date as any."

He wrote it down, filled out the rest of the form and read it through before turning his attention back to Soichiro. "Now what?"

"Now we sit and wait for them to call your number."

They settled down on two of the chairs. At least, Soichiro settled down. L was too busy looking around him with avid interest and collecting pamphlets for later reading.

_He's probably never been in a bank either_, Soichiro thought wryly. Granted L had been out in the world for over a year now, but the older man had to admit, if _he'd_ suddenly found himself with unparalleled levels of freedom, a bank wouldn't rank all that high on his list of Places To Visit. In fact, now that he thought about it...

"Ryuzaki?"

L abandoned his pamphlet (_Best Mortgage Rates In Tokyo!_) and glanced at Soichiro. "Yes?"

"Where was the first place you went to? When you realized you weren't going to die, I mean."

A small smile appeared on L's face. "Tokyo Sea Life Park."

Soichiro blinked. He'd prepared himself for a number of answers, but that hadn't been one of them. "Really?"

"I'd never seen animals before, Yagami-_san_. I mean, I'd seen pictures of them, and sometimes videos, but being stuck in hotel rooms in cities...well, I never got much of a chance to see the real thing beyond the occasional bird and other people's pets. Well, no, I did see some when I was out fighting those global ecoterrorists—"

"—as you do," Soichiro couldn't help interjecting.

"—yes, but I didn't get a lot of time to just sit and watch them like I could in the sea park. It was amazing. And when they—"

"Number eighty three!"

L shot to his feet, all thoughts of outings forgotten. "Yes."

Closely followed by Soichiro, L made his way across to the clerk and smiled at him. There was something innocent and childlike about L's smile that was very hard to resist, Soichiro thought.

"May I help you?" the clerk asked.

L's smile grew a little bigger.

"I hope so," he answered. "I'd like to open an account here." He slid the form across the counter and the clerk took it with an answering smile and glanced down at it.

"Of course. Soichiro Ryuzaki, is that right?"

"Yes, that's right," L agreed, not looking at Soichiro's astonished expression.

"And...ah..." The clerk glanced at Soichiro (who hastily reschooled his face into something approaching polite neutrality) and hesitated.

"Oh, I'm sorry." L was still smiling, all affability. "This is Yagami. I'm Japanese but I grew up abroad, so I'm a little out of touch with how things here work. Yagami was kind enough to come with me for moral support."

"I see."

"At present I have a bank account abroad. Now that I've come back to Japan for good, I'd like to transfer some of the money from that account to one in a Japanese bank, and Yagami-_san _recommended this one."

"I see," the clerk said again. "Well, that shouldn't be a problem, Ryuzaki-_san, _we handle plenty of overseas transactions. How much would you be looking to transfer?"

"Five hundred million yen," L answered. Next to him, Soichiro choked.

The clerk blinked very slowly, then said in a careful tone, "I beg your pardon?"

L looked worried. "Is that not enough? I can transfer more if it would make it easier, I just thought it might be best to do it in small instalments."

There was a pause, then Soichiro said in an equally careful tone, "Ryuzaki, I don't think you ever told me...how much are you hoping to bring across? In total, I mean?"

"Eleven billion, three hundred and sixty five million, nine hundred and twenty two thousand four hundred and twelve yen," L answered without missing a beat. "That's okay, isn't it?"

Soichiro had to admire the clerk's professionalism; the man didn't react to this astonishing sum beyond the tiniest of squeaks.

"If I can transfer that much across in one hit, it would be ideal, but if not, I can do it a bit at a time," L continued, apparently oblivious to the reaction his words had caused.

"I...yes, Ryuzaki-_san_. There should be no problems transferring the entirety of your account." The man's voice was a little hoarse. "Um...when would you be looking to make this transfer?"

"Well, I left the details of my other account back at my apartment, so as soon as I get back. This afternoon, I imagine, or possibly tomorrow."

"And...would you also like a cashcard?"

"Please."

"Alright." The clerk made a few notes on the form. "What color would you like?"

L didn't bother glancing at the chart as he answered, "Number one. Big Sky."

"You've done a lot of research into this, haven't you?" Soichiro asked lightly.

"I thought it best to make important decisions like this ahead of time, Yagami-_san, _so I looked up the color scheme on their website before coming in today. I did consider Morning Aqua, but there was too much green in it for me. I prefer blue."

The clerk finished marking up the forms and passed them back to L. "Alright. If you'll just stamp here..."

"Stamp?" L echoed, unsure.

"Ryuzaki only just got back to Japan," Soichiro filled in smoothly. "He hasn't managed to obtain a _hanko_ yet."

The man gave L an odd look, then said, "I see. In that case, a signature will be fine, if you have some other form of identification."

Soichiro suppressed a sigh. He really hadn't wanted to do this, but it looked like he had no choice. Pulling out his badge, he held it out for inspection.

"Alright, I'll be straight with you. This young man—" he indicated L— "is the heir to a huge business empire. Recently he's been a target for several kidnappers and it was decided to resettle him under an assumed name with a separate bank account for his own protection. Please lend us your assistance in this matter."

The clerk stared at the badge for a long while, then he said, "I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_. I'm not sure what the protocol is for this kind of situation. I'll have to check with the manager."

"Of course. We'll wait here."

As soon as the clerk had disappeared through a back door, L glanced at Soichiro. "Do you think they'll let me do it?"

"With the kind of deposit you're talking about making, Ryuzaki, they're not likely to refuse you. I'm more concerned about what Wammy's House will do when they find out."

"I did the math, Yagami-_san_," L said with quiet dignity. "What I'm taking is exactly half of my fees for all the cases I solved. The other half, I'll leave as Watari's share, as I couldn't have done what I did without him. I'm not a thief."

Soichiro wasn't sure Wammy's House would see it that way, but he kept his mouth shut. Time enough to worry about that later.

It took just ten minutes for the clerk to return with the message that a signature would be just fine, so long as L returned to stamp the papers by the end of the month, that L's new cashcard would be in the mail and would arrive in between three to five working days, and that if L required anything else from Shinsei bank, all he had to do was say.

"Well, that went better than I'd hoped," Soichiro remarked once they were outside.

"Yes." L seemed to be struggling with something, then he said, "Yagami-_san_, may I ride with you to the NPA? It's closer to the underground."

"Alright. I'll give you some money for the train home."

"Thank you." L opened his mouth to say something else, closed it, hesitated, then said in a very low voice, "Yagami-_san_...Sato said something to me while we were in the NPA."

"Oh?" Soichiro glanced at him over the top of the car. "What kind of something?"

L bit his lip hard, then opened the door and got in, perching on the edge of the seat in his usual manner. "He said...Wammy's House went to a lot of trouble to obtain me. His exact words. What does that mean?"

_It means I was right about you_, Soichiro thought as he joined L in the car. There was no way he could say that, however, without going into theories that he didn't think L was ready to hear just then.

"I'm not sure," he said instead. "If you could remember more about how you arrived there, it would help."

When L stayed silent, Soichiro pushed a little harder. "Do you remember flying to England?"

L turned his head away, a light frown marring his features. "A little. Yes. I remember asking if there was going to be a movie, but the people on the flight said no. They wouldn't let me look out the window either. They said it was too risky, that the people after me could look in and see me. The time I flew out before, with my family, that was the last time I got to look out the window of an airplane."

"Do you remember flying out there before? When you went on holiday?"

"Yes. I don't know how I can remember that and the details of that bombing case I told you about and still not remember anything about my family, but I don't."

"Memory's a funny thing, Ryuzaki. What did you do on that second flight to England?"

L shrugged. "Problems, mostly. They had a whole lot of logic and math problems for me to work my way through. By the time I got to the other end some twelve hours later, I felt like my brain had been squeezed through a sieve."

_Of course,_ Soichiro thought grimly. _After all, they'd want to make sure they had the right kid, wouldn't they?_

But _twelve hours_? Well, okay, there would probably have been some break in between papers and he was sure they would have had to feed L at some point, but even _so_!

"Ryuzaki...there's something I want to talk to you about."

"Alright."

"I called Wammy's House yesterday."

L stared at him, suddenly pale. "_What_?"

"I wanted to tell them to leave you in peace and—"

"Why the hell did you have to go and interfere, Yagami? I had it all under control!"

"Because Wammy's House now knows that the Japanese police know you're here and where you are, and that we're protecting you. They can't just sneak in and smuggle you out of the country anymore."

"You have no idea what you've done." L's voice was low. "I _told_ you not to take them on! You're starting a fight that you're never going to win, and for what? _Me_? You're a damn idiot! Just a damn, interfering idiot." His voice broke and he looked away.

"Maybe so, but I'm an idiot who cares about you."

L's head snapped around and he glared at Soichiro with eyes that were unnaturally bright. "Well, _stop_ caring about me! I never asked you to care about me! Who said you could care about me? And I never said you could talk to Wammy's House!"

"I don't need your permission to do my job, Ryuzaki." Soichiro allowed a hard edge into his voice. "Who you are doesn't come into it. All I need to know is that you're a Japanese citizen who's facing a kidnap attempt from someone who's already come after you twice. As a member – and quite a high ranking member – of the Japanese police, I have a duty to protect you."

"And is that why you're doing it? Because it's your _job_?"

"_Ryuzaki_..." Soichiro said through gritted teeth.

_Are you surprised he's acting like this? You got far too close to him that night, all that 'you'll always have a home with me' talk. He's frightened._

_Wonderful. And here I was thinking he was starting to trust me._

_He is. That doesn't mean he can't be afraid of you at the same time. Remember what he said before. Remember how new everything is to him...and remember that there's a whole lot about him and his past that you still don't know about. It's very possible you're ripping open old wounds that you don't even know exist._

"What are you really upset about?" Soichiro asked, once he thought he could trust himself to speak without yelling. "Did I screw up some complicated plan you had, or does it just bother you that you can't control me any more than I can control you?"

L glanced at him, his breathing quick and hoarse, and didn't answer.

"That's it, isn't it? I did something for you that you didn't know about, and now you're worrying what else I might do that you don't know about."

"What did they tell you, Yagami-_san_? What did they tell you about me? What did they tell you about Kyoto? Because _whatever_ they said—"

"_Kyoto_?" Soichiro stared at L, baffled. "What's Kyoto got to do with anything?"

Now it was L who looked confused. "You mean...they didn't mention it to you?"

"No. Roger never said a word about it."

L was silent for a few minutes. Then he said rather sheepishly, "Oh. Well...what did you tell them about me?"

_And that's it. Another misunderstanding, another wild leap to an erroneous conclusion and now another crisis gone. _Well, it had been a while since he'd been treated to an L-explosion, so Soichiro supposed he'd been about due.

"I told them you wanted out of Wammy's House," he answered, "and that if Sato persisted in trying to kidnap you, I would place him under arrest."

"And then Wammy's House would just pull strings and gets him released," L said bitterly.

"They're a foreign organization and this would be a Japanese sentencing of a Japanese criminal. They don't have the kind of power needed to make that happen. And even if they did..." Soichiro shrugged. "Well, if Sato gets released, then we arrest him again. If you were foreign or a child, it may be slightly more complicated, but as I told Roger, you're a Japanese citizen. You're entitled to protection." He hesitated, then went on. "Ryuzaki, did you do anything illegal in Kyoto? And I'm not asking because I want to pry; if Wammy's House has evidence of—"

"No," L interrupted. "I didn't do anything illegal in Kyoto, and that's all you get to know about it."

It was all Soichiro needed to know and so he dropped the subject, although he couldn't help being curious. "Alright. Then have you calmed down enough to listen to me?"

"About what?" L muttered.

"If you don't want people prying into your personal affairs, you need to learn how to steer them away a lot more gently."

"If they didn't pry, I wouldn't have to steer them away at all!"

"I know. I know. Calm down; I was speaking hypothetically. Do you at least understand what I'm trying to say?"

There was a silence.

"Yes," L mumbled at the end of it.

"Good. We'll leave it there then." Soichiro wondered if he should add something along the lines of _if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here_, then reluctantly decided against it. In L's current mood, the young man would take it as a further attempt to dig out his secrets.

They sat there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, then L cleared his throat.

"Any news on the murders?" he asked.

Soichiro sighed. "No. These people appear, strike, and vanish. I sent the blood you got me to the labs though, so we'll see what comes back."

"So you're just waiting for another murder in the hopes that they'll slip up and leave some kind of a clue this time," L supplied.

"Yes." It grated to have to admit it, but it was, by and large, the truth. "All the district police are on red alert. Aizawa thought there would be another murder on the twelfth – that would make it every three days – but—" Soichiro broke off, appalled. He had been about to say _no such luck_.

"Yes, I see. However, there was never going to be a murder on the twelfth. At least, not one of _these _murders," L amended.

Soichiro sighed again. "No, obviously not. Still, I suppose predicting something like this _would_ be next to imposs—"

"It'll happen tomorrow instead."

* * *

**AN: **Well, I was determined to update on Christmas Day, and since it's only 9.15pm here in the Canaries, I think I made it...just XD Merry Christmas, everyone!


	18. Tangled Webs

**Numei Massacre: **I know; poor L XD

**L-Lawliet-Ryuzaki13: **But of course. I love making people wonder about things XD And thanks, I'm glad you liked it XD

**Mystery Reviewer: ***blushes* Thanks :)

* * *

**JUNE 14**

"Yagami-_san_, I really don't see why _I_ have to come in," L protested.

Soichiro paused in the corridor and turned to face L, who had been dragging his feet and complaining since they'd got out of the car.

"You have to come in, Ryuzaki, because you have just predicted the date of another murder and I want you to explain to everyone in my department – including me – exactly how you did it!"

L backed off a step or two. "I'm not good at public speaking."

"You managed alright before."

"That was different. Back then I was hiding behind a computer screen. Here I'm...exposed. I've never had to speak to real people before! Well, not face to face."

"You spoke to the task force face to face," Soichiro reminded him.

"That was different too! There were only a few of you and I'd got to know you all via a computer. I can't go in there and stand up in front of a room full of strangers! Full of _people_!" The way he said _people_ made it sound like Soichiro had asked him to step into a room full of fire.

"Alright, well, what about the bank? You coped alright in there."

"There weren't too many people there, and I only had to talk to the clerk on a one-to-one basis. I'm alright with people who ignore me, like crowds on the street or something. I just don't want to stand up in front of a whole crowd of police officers and make a speech!"

Soichiro sighed, half amused, half frustrated. "Ryuzaki, it's nothing to be afraid of. They're not going to eat you. Come on."

Instead, L reached out and grabbed hold of a friendly doorjamb, hanging onto it with an air that said he would let go when the oceans dried up and not a millisecond sooner.

"Yes, but you know how you reacted when you found out I was L. Don't think I didn't see that look you all gave Watari when I introduced myself. How will an entire roomful of people cope with it? How will _I_ cope with it?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Are you going to tell them you're L, Ryuzaki? Because I wasn't planning to."

"Oh." L relaxed about half a centimeter. "Really?"

"You said you wanted to retire as L, remember?"

L released the doorjamb, but didn't come any closer.

"So...you can't make me work for you as L, but you're going to try and make me do it as Ryuzaki?" he said at last. "Is that it?"

Soichiro sighed. "I'm not going to _make_ you do anything! I thought you'd have learned that by now."

"You're trying to _make_ me stand up in front of a crowd of people and give a speech," L countered. There was a wretched air to his countenance as he added, "I really, really don't think I can do this."

The deputy director studied the young man for a few moments, then relented. Stalling was L's favorite tactic whenever he was faced with something he didn't want to do, but in this case his distress appeared to be genuine.

"Alright. Well, when we get in there, you tell me and I'll tell them, how does that sound?"

"You mean you really haven't worked it out yet? Yagami-_san_, you already know everything you need to if you want to predict the date of the next murder and any subsequent ones."

"Oh, is that right?" Soichiro couldn't keep the bite out of his tones and didn't bother trying very hard. "Well, how about we pretend for now that I'm not the world's greatest detective?"

"That wouldn't be much of a pretense, Yagami-_san_."

Soichiro swallowed down the first reply that sprang to his lips – there had been no malice in L's tones; he was simply stating a fact – and settled for asking, "How long have you known about the dates?"

"Since I was in hospital. I had to do _something_ while I was stuck there, all alone and bereft of strawberries."

Soichiro stared at him. "And you couldn't have mentioned this to me _before_?"

L looked surprised. "What good would it have done? I can tell you when but I can't tell you where, and without that the information is useless. And Yagami-_san_, I must ask you not to release any of this to the media. If the people behind this find out we know when the next murder will happen, they'll just change their plans and we'll be back where we started. Besides, I can't be one hundred percent sure my theory is right until tomorrow."

"How sure _can _you be?"

The young man considered this for a while, then at last said, "Ninety eight percent."

"That's more than good enough for me, Ryuzaki. Come on."

Soichiro led the reluctant L into his department. It was a slow process (L kept stopping to feign an interest in every single thing he saw on the wall, including the paint). However, since even he couldn't stall forever, Soichiro finally managed to get him through the door, safe in the knowledge that most of the department had no idea who L was. Or...no, to put it another way, most of the department had no idea that this young man with the stoop and messy hair was L. The looks L got as the two of them walked in were curious (and in the case of Aizawa and Sanami, shocked) but no more than that.

"Where's Matsuda?" L asked suddenly.

"Over—" Soichiro began, then stopped as he caught sight of Matsuda's empty desk. Raising his voice, he said, "Alright, where _is_ Matsuda?"

"He said he'll be in later," Aizawa answered. "He had a blazing row with his ex and he needed some time to calm down."

Soichiro found it hard to imagine Matsuda, who was sometimes friendly to the point of outright idiocy, having a blazing row with anyone, but he didn't say anything beyond, "Fine. I'll talk to him in my office when he gets in."

"And...ah...that's not the worst problem, Yagami-_bucho_."

It wasn't any kind of problem as far as Soichiro was concerned – Matsuda's family dramas were Matsuda's business – but he really didn't like the way Aizawa had said that.

"What's the worst problem?" he asked dutifully.

"There's a reporter in your office. I tried telling her you weren't available, but she insisted on waiting for you."

Soichiro stifled a groan. "Alright. Ryuzaki, wait here."

L's head snapped up and he stared at Soichiro, eyes wide with alarm. "Here?"

"I'll just be a few minutes." _At least_. Reporters were never easy to get rid of.

Abandoning L for the moment, Soichiro entered his office, caught sight of the reporter and mentally updated _a few minutes_ into _at least half an hour_. The woman standing there had the look of a veteran – you got to spot them after a while – who could probably only be shifted with a crowbar. You got to spot the little signs after a while; the sleek, professional hairstyle, the crisply pressed business suit, the light touch of makeup and the apparent ability to produce a notebook and pen out of thin air.

"Soichiro Yagami?" She gave him a dazzling and entirely professional smile, bowing as she did so and holding out her ID badge for inspection. "My name's Hana Onda. I'm here on behalf of the _Yomiuri_."

Soichiro took the offered ID badge and glanced at it, then handed it back. "How did you get in here?"

The smile became a little wider. "You don't really expect me to tell you all my secrets, do you, Yagami-_san_? Just a few questions and I'll be out of your way. My editor wants the official NPA stance on these murders."

"Your editor has already received our official press release," Soichiro informed her.

"That was last week. I'm here for an exclusive interview."

"Then you should have arranged it through the official channels."

"Oh, I did try, but they were _very _uncooperative." Onda pulled out her notebook and pen. "Yagami-_san_, what is the NPA doing about these murders?"

_Trying to solve them, you idiot_, Soichiro thought. Aloud he said, "Onda-_san_, as soon as there is any news, the NPA will release an official statement to the press. At the moment, I have no comment. Now—"

Someone knocked hard on his door and the deputy director glanced at it, grateful for the interruption.

"Yes?" _Please don't let it be Matsuda_. The young detective would be easy prey for a seasoned reporter like this one.

The door opened and L sauntered in, although since he was now dressed in a suit and tie, it took Soichiro a few seconds to register him as L.

"Yagami-_bucho_, I—oh. Sorry. I didn't realize you were busy. I've got the information on that suspect for the murders, but I'll bring it back later."

"Suspect?" The reporter abandoned Soichiro instantly and swung around to L so fast that the young man drew back a step. "You have a suspect? Can you tell me about him or her?"

_Yes, Ryuzaki_, Soichiro thought bitterly, _why don't you do that small thing? And then afterwards we'll sit down and have a nice little chat about withholding evidence_!

L shifted his weight, frowning. "I don't know. I mean, Yagami-_bucho_ did say he didn't want to release any information until he was absolutely certain..."

"But the people have a right to know! How would you feel if this person killed someone else because you were too worried about what your boss would say to offer any help?"

Soichiro noticed the small flinch that L gave at this question, but luckily Onda was busy scribbling down things in her notebook and didn't see.

"Alright. But please remember—" L's eyes flicked briefly down to the woman's ID badge— "Onda-_san_, that this is pure speculation. We have no evidence to back this up, at least, nothing that would be admissible in a court of law. Of course, we know this man has been up to some rather unpleasant things, but we have no way to tie him into the murders and he must remain innocent until proven guilty."

"Of course, I understand."

Soichiro shot a warning look at L, suddenly understanding what he was about to do. "Ryuzaki!"

"I'm _sorry_, Yagami-_bucho_, but she's right! The people have a right to know! If there's a killer among them, they should be able to recognize him!"

"Him?" Turning her back on Soichiro, Onda leaned closer to L. "Do you have a name for this person?"

"We have an alias, and a picture."

"_Ryuzaki_!"

"A picture?" Onda's mouth fell open. This was a scoop with a vengeance! "Would you allow me to see it, Ryuzaki-_san_?"

"No, but I may be persuaded to sell it to you if you have the cash. Twenty thousand yen. I'll sell you the alias for another ten thousand."

"Done!"

From the look on L's face, he was a little sorry he hadn't asked for fifty, but it was too late; Onda was already rummaging in her purse. Pulling out three ten thousand yen notes, she handed them to L and sat with her pen poised.

L smiled. "Thank you, Onda-_san_. The man we're after goes by the alias Hideaki Sato. And here." He pulled out a rather grainy picture and handed it to the reporter. "This was taken a few years ago, but he hasn't changed that much. This part's important: if anyone sees him, they must not attempt to apprehend him. Instead, they should telephone Yagami-_bucho—_"

"No they should _not_!" Soichiro interrupted, mind suddenly assailed with visions of his phone ringing off the hook.

"It doesn't matter," Onda told him in an aside, "we always print the standard hotline number anyway. My editor would have my head if I put in a personal contact number."

That was true, Soichiro admitted grudgingly; the _Yomiuri_ was always very good in that respect.

Turning back to L, Onda asked, "Is there anything else you can tell me about this case, Ryuzaki-_san_?"

L smiled quietly. "Yes. I can tell you that the detective L has joined the investigation team and has authorized me to say that he will not stop until the person behind this is locked up."

"That would be Sato, right?" Before L had a chance to answer, Onda rushed on. "Previous statements from the NPA say that there's more than one person involved, Ryuzaki-_san_. How do you respond to that? Is this Sato the ringleader?"

"We don't know who the ringleader is, and I must remind you that all this about Sato being involved is pure speculation," L answered smoothly. "Yes, there's more than one person involved, but so far Sato is the only person we've been able to identify. He's been threatening to kidnap L to stop him working on this case. Hardly the behavior of an innocent man, is it?"

"Are you and L close, Ryuzaki-_san_?"

"I don't know if you could put it like that. For some reason, he chose me to act as liaison between him and the NPA. If you want to know why, you'd have to ask him."

"Would that be possible?" Onda persisted. "Could you arrange an interview?"

L was already shaking his head before the reporter had finished saying the word _Would_. "No. L must remain completely anonymous at all times. I'm afraid you'll have to content yourself with me, although I may be able to get you a quote from time to time."

"How about—"

"_And_ I must get back to work," L added, bowing to Onda. "Goodbye, Onda-_san_. It was a pleasure meeting you. Yagami-_bucho_."

He bowed again, this time to the silently fuming Soichiro, and strolled out.

Onda followed him seconds later, apparently having decided to get out while the getting was good. Soichiro waited a few minutes to make sure that the reporter really had left – the last thing he needed was an article saying how the NPA was punishing its officers for sticking up for free speech – and then opened his office door and stepped into the outer department. Nobody was brave enough to look him in the eye.

"Where's Ryuzaki?" he asked very pleasantly.

"He went to the men's room to give Matsuda his clothes back, Yagami-_bucho_," Aizawa answered.

Ah. Soichiro paused. In that case, the chewing out could wait until L and Matsuda were both decently attired.

"So Matsuda's arrived now, has he?"

"Yes; he came in about three minutes after you went into your office, only Ryuzaki intercepted him at the door and the two of them went off together. When Ryuzaki came back...well, you know the rest."

_Yes, although I wish I didn't_, Soichiro thought bitterly.

"I see. In that case, when Ryuzaki comes back, tell him-" Soichiro broke off as the door to the department opened and L and Matsuda stepped in, talking in low voices about something. "Never mind; I'll do it myself. Ryuzaki?" The deputy director spoke in the same pleasant voice he'd used earlier. "Would you mind stepping into my office? I want to discuss something with you."

L gave him a wary look, but came over obediently. "What kind of something?"

"Let's talk about it in there." Soichiro nodded toward his office, arms folded across his chest.

The young man eyed him suspiciously, searching for some kind of trick, then shuffled into the office.

Soichiro followed him, closed the door - thankfully his office had thick walls - and then turned. "What the hell were you _thinking_?"

"I was thinking of keeping myself out of harm's way, Yagami-_san_, since if the events of two days ago are anything to go by, I can't even consider myself safe in the NPA building!"

"I see, so you set up false accusations to...what? Try and get Sato arrested?"

L looked surprised. "That would be nice, but no. I just wanted to set it up so that anyone who sees him lets me know immediately where he is. That's all. You will notice that at no time did I ever tell Onda-_san_ that Sato was the killer; in fact, I went out of my way to tell her that he wasn't. Now that I've got a way to keep track of him, I might actually be able to go outside once in a while."

"Aside from the fact that you just impersonated a police officer—"

"I did not," L interrupted. "When did I ever claim to be working for the NPA? I could have been a civilian expert. Well, I _am_ a civilian expert." He met Soichiro's smoldering look with an innocent one of his own. "But at no point did I say I was a police officer. I didn't even show her a fake ID."

"You let her think—"

"I'm not to blame for what people think, Yagami-_san_."

"You are if you mislead them the way you did!"

Anger sparked in L's eyes and he took a step forward, his good hand curling into a fist. "And what were _you_ going to tell her? That you had no comment? You really think that would make the press leave you alone? I just bought you a few weeks' breathing space _and _made my world a whole lot safer!"

The older man whirled. "You bought me twenty four hours, if that! If the murder takes place when you say it will – and we all know you're _never_ wrong—" He broke off at that point, not because he thought he was going too far but because his own ashtray had just come flying through the air at his head. Soichiro ducked reflexively, then years of training took over and he lunged forward, grabbing L by the wrists and immobilizing him, although he retained enough awareness to avoid the young man's broken knuckles. L twisted around, trying to get in a good position to kick, but Soichiro's hold was too strong.

"Ryuzaki, what the hell's gotten into you?" he demanded.

"Nothing's gotten into me! I'm just trying to protect myself, since it seems I can't rely on _you_!"

"Yes you can."

The look L turned on him was so full of hurt that Soichiro found he couldn't meet the young man's eyes.

"Then where were you?" L demanded. "Sato came after me _twice_, he got me twice and you were nowhere to be seen!"

Soichiro tightened his hold a little. "Because the _first_ time that happened, you were about five hundred kilometers away from me in Osaka! The second time, you were the one who asked for a little privacy so you could use the restroom! I'll do everything in my power to protect you, Ryuzaki, but I'm not going to stand guard over you twenty four seven."

L yanked back and this time managed to wrench his wrists free. "Then just what the hell kind of useless, pathetic excuse for a handler _are_ you?"

Soichiro stared at him, shocked to the core. He wasn't the only one; L was now so white his skin had a greyish tinge to it.

For a long, long time, neither of them spoke. At last Soichiro broke the frozen silence.

"Handler?" His voice was very soft. "Is that how you see me? Just a replacement for Watari?"

"_I don't know_." It was the closest thing to a snarl Soichiro had ever heard from L. "Every time I think I'm beginning to understand you and what's going on, you throw me another curve ball and I have to start from scratch! I'm starting to think all this is some kind of act and you're trying to break me just like they did in Wammy's House. Well, congratulations; you win! It...I'm just..." He sat down on a chair, winced and drew his feet up under him until he was in his ball. "I'm too tired to fight anymore."

"I'm not surprised." Soichiro kept his voice quiet. "Especially after what you've been through in the past few days."

L didn't answer. Looking more closely, the older man saw that L's ball wasn't the usual one he spent most of his time curled up in to ease his back; this was what Soichiro mentally referred to as L's shut-out-the-world ball. The young man wouldn't respond to any kind of outside stimulus all the time he was in that ball and so the deputy director didn't waste his breath trying to talk to him. Instead, he drew up a chair, sat down opposite L and waited.

He was never able to work out how he knew when L was back in the real world, any more than he could explain how he could tell the difference between the young man perching one way as opposed to another. Something inside told him that L's silence was no longer the silence of someone who had withdrawn inside himself; instead it was the silence of someone who was waiting for the hammer to fall.

"You know—" Soichiro kept his voice calm and laid back, as if they were discussing the weather— "it's rather ironic you saying all that, Ryuzaki."

No response.

"Because what you said more or less summed up the way I've been feeling as well."

More silence. This time it was the silence of someone who doesn't want to miss a word. As Soichiro watched, the ball shuffled a little closer to him.

_Oh Ryuzaki. What did they do to you? How the hell did you end up like this?_

"I don't know what I said to upset you this badly, Ryuzaki, but whatever it was, I'm sorry." Soichiro reached out and put a hand on L's shoulder.

This proved to be a mistake, not because L exploded again or tried to fight him off, but because he tried to lean into Soichiro for comfort. Unfortunately he seemed to think the older man was sitting right next to him and so he misjudged the distance and fell off the chair with a yelp. It did have one useful benefit, however, in that the shock seemed to jolt L out of his mood.

"Are you alright?" Soichiro knelt down next to him, trying not to laugh.

"Yes." L's voice was low, lifeless. "I'm fine. I just need a little time before I go back in there." He nodded toward the door leading back into the department.

"It really bothered you, didn't it?" Soichiro said quietly. "Being in a room with all those people."

"You mean you didn't get a hint from the way I was stalling?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Ryuzaki, you stall whenever you're faced with something you don't want to do, including eating with a spoon, getting out of the bath, going to sleep or letting me disinfect that cut on your hip. How was I supposed to know that this was something more serious?" He paused, then said, "Do you want to go back home? If you explain how you worked out the date of the next murder, I can tell the department and you can just slip away quietly."

L shook his head. "No. I'm fine." He stretched up, straightening his curved spine and then dropping down into his usual stoop with a wince and managed a smile. "I'm fine."

"Ryuzaki..." Soichiro didn't know what was more alarming; L's sudden breakdown or the speed and ease with which he'd pulled that mask back over his face.

The smile faded and L looked away, biting his thumbnail. "I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_. I really am. It's...I don't mean to...to lose control like that. I know that sounds like an excuse, but it's the truth. I swear it's the truth. I can feel it coming but I don't know why it happens." He let out a short laugh. "Maybe you were wrong about me. Maybe I am crazy."

"_No_." Soichiro gripped L by the elbows. "You are not crazy, Ryuzaki. All that's wrong with you is you've bottled up so much inside yourself that it's starting to leak out."

"Then how do I _un_bottle it?"

"Just talk. It doesn't have to be to me, just talk to someone."

L shook his head. "No. No, that's too simple. There has to be more to it than that."

"There really isn't, and the longer you leave it, the more volatile these explosions are likely to become."

"Perhaps. But I would never hurt you or your family, Yagami-_san_. Please believe me. I'd leave Tokyo before that happened."

Soichiro hefted the ashtray in one hand. It was a heavy glass one that Light had bought for him as a birthday present and quite how it had survived its flight through the air and contact with the wall was a mystery to him.

"Don't you think this would have hurt if it had hit me?" he asked.

L flushed, eyes fixed firmly on the carpet. "I knew you'd duck."

"That's not good enough. If you can feel these explosions coming on, Ryuzaki, why don't you tell me to back off? I won't be offended. Have you ever talked to _anyone_ about all the cases you've worked on? About the things you've seen and done?"

Another shake of the head. "No. Who would I talk to about it? Watari always insisted there was no point my dwelling on the past and that I'd just have to put that case behind me and move onto the next. Apparently I wanted to keep the past to myself." L swallowed. "I meant what I said, Yagami-_san,_" he added, sounding as if each word was being pulled out of him. "About...you know, if you wanted me to solve cases. I'm yours if you want me."

"Ryuzaki," Soichiro said in a very quiet voice, "do you really have so little self-respect that you'll hand over control of your life to someone else just like that?"

"I don't know. I just...I'd rather have you for my handler than Sato. Isn't that part of why you called Wammy's House? To stake your claim on me?"

Soichiro was silent, then he said, "In a way, I suppose. But not as your handler. I told you, I don't like the idea of people being treated like tools with no rights of their own."

L didn't answer.

"_Do_ you want to leave now?" Soichiro asked him. "If you do, that won't be a problem. Just tell me how you worked out the date of the next murder."

L shook his head. "It's alright. You want me to—"

"Forget about what I want, Ryuzaki. That doesn't come into this. What do _you_ want?"

More silence, then L turned away abruptly. "I told you, Yagami-_san_, I'm fine. Let's get this over with."

He hesitated for a few seconds at the door, then opened it and walked out into the department, Soichiro following. A part of him could understand L's feelings. When he'd been L, secure behind the anonymity of a white screen and a big floating letter, it was a lot easier to give orders. With everyone looking at him and, with the exception of three people, wondering who the weird kid with the funny eyes was, it was a lot more intimidating.

Seeing L wasn't entirely sure how to begin, Soichiro cleared his throat.

"This is Ryuzaki, one of Sayu's friends. He's been following the murders in the newspapers and he came to me with a way to predict the date of the next killing. Ryuzaki, why don't you start by telling us how you worked it out?"

L swallowed and gave him a quick, grateful look. "Just...there's a pattern. You probably wouldn't have noticed it since you've been dealing with these murders one at a time, but if you all write down the dates and study them, it'll become apparent."

There was a scramble as everyone grabbed pens at the same time and sorted through their files to try and find the dates in question. For a moment everything was quiet, then Aizawa suddenly let out a shocked exclamation and stared at L.

"You can't be serious."

"I assure you I am."

Aizawa stared at the notes he'd just made, then at L. "It's as simple as that?"

"Yes."

"There'll be another murder tomorrow?"

There was an instant babble of voices, some questioning Aizawa, most aimed at L, who Soichiro noticed was now doing his best to move away from everyone without making it too obvious.

"Yes." He raised his voice above the noise. "The next murder is due to happen tomorrow. Since we haven't yet worked out if there's a similar sort of pattern to the locations, there's nothing we can do about it except to keep our eyes open. We'll contact the district police as soon as possible, tell them to be on the alert, but that's it."

Aizawa glanced back down at his notes. "Then...if the next murder's due to take place tomorrow, the one after that will be on—" more rapid scrawling and some hasty paging of a calendar— "the twenty fourth?"

L nodded. "Exactly."

Soichiro added the twenty fourth in brackets to his own list of dates and studied it, frowning, searching for the pattern L had mentioned.

_June 3_

_June 6_

_June 9_

_June 15_

_(June 24)_

"Wait." Matsuda stared hard at his paper, tilting his head on one side, then slapped his pen down on the desk and leaned back. "I still don't get it."

"_Look_," L instructed him. "Look at the numbers. Don't you notice any pattern?"

Matsuda squinted. "The number of days between each murder is increasing after the third murder, and they're all multiples of three? And the first murder was on the third of June. Maybe the number three's important."

"That too, I suppose, but look." L pointed at the notation _June 24_. "What's twenty four minus—" he tapped _June 15—_ "fifteen?"

"Nine."

L pointed to _June 9_. "Precisely."

"Yeah, but I don't get what you're trying to say, Ryuzaki. I mean—"

"Matsuda, you idiot!" Aizawa got to his feet. "_Look_ at it! Really look at it! The dates of the murders have been calculated according to a Fibonacci sequence."

"A what?" Matsuda demanded. He wasn't the only one; a lot of the other people in the department were looking equally baffled.

L rolled his eyes and took the dates down off the wall. "Aizawa, Sanami-_san_, come over here. Maybe it'll sink into everyone's heads a little better with a practical demonstration. And I need someone else as well."

_So much for being nervous_, Soichiro thought wryly, as an apprehensive looking Aizawa and Sanami obliged, followed by a more willing Takahashi. Of course, L could just be putting on a good front, but somehow he doubted it.

"I just asked what a Fibonacci sequence was," Matsuda muttered, not quite under his breath.

"It's math," Aizawa informed him. "The next number in a Fibonacci sequence is equal to the sum of the previous two numbers."

"Precisely," L agreed. "The sequence is a little altered – the true sequence begins _one-one_, not _three-three_, but you get the idea. Every date after the first murder is the sum of the previous two dates combined. Look—" he grabbed the piece of paper reading _June 3_ and thrust it at Aizawa, then gave _June 6_ to Sanami and _June 9_ to Takahashi. "The first murder happened on the third—" pointing at Aizawa— "and the second on the sixth—" indicating Sanami. "Three plus six equals nine—" (vigorous pointing at Aizawa, Sanami and Takahashi in turn) "—and the third murder happened on the ninth." Takahashi again. "Six plus nine—" Aizawa and Takahashi— "equals fifteen—" (here L paused, wrote down _June 15_ on another sheet of paper, grabbed Ueda and hauled him into place next to Takahashi, then pointed at him). "The date of the next murder. Tomorrow. So, if we want to work out the date of the _fifth_ murder—"

"You add the dates of the third and fourth murders," Soichiro said, staring at the paper. "The ninth plus the fifteenth. Twenty four."

"Exactly."

"Ryuzaki," Soichiro began, then broke off. "You are amazing."

"No thanks necessary, Yagami-_san_, just strawberries. _Big_ strawberries," L added, in case there was any misunderstanding on this point.

"I'll see what I can do."

"The kind of strawberries that could be mistaken for deformed apples at a distance." The young man sidled away from him. "Can I go now? I've told you everything I've come up with."

For a moment Soichiro considered keeping him there, to gain L's views on...well, on whatever they managed to discover that day, then he decided against it. There was no guarantee that they'd find anything of any use, and it couldn't be plainer that L wanted out; even as Soichiro watched, the young man edged closer to the door.

"Alright. Thank you for your help. I'll see you later."

L's face didn't change from its polite mask, but his voice sounded relieved. "Thank you, Yagami-_san_."

Before Soichiro had a chance to change his mind, L had turned and headed out, closing the door behind him.

* * *

It was five to ten by the time Soichiro got back, and he wanted nothing more than to settle down with a drink and a hot meal. The drink was easy enough, but Sachiko was probably in bed by now and so he'd stopped off and picked up a bag of _yakitori_ and _gyoza _on the way home.

Right now he was standing outside L's door and wondering if he could really face applying disinfectant to the young man's hip.

_He needs it. At the very least, you should check on him after what happened today, and if you don't want to do it now, you really won't want to do it after you've settled in at home and eaten supper._

Mind made up, Soichiro knocked on L's door.

"Ryuzaki?"

There was no response. Concerned, Soichiro reached into his pocket and pulled out the spare key that L had entrusted him with when they'd first moved into the headquarters. Unlocking the door, he opened it as quietly as possible, in case L had simply fallen asleep.

_If he has, I'll leave him in peace._ _Poor kid's had one hell of a day._

The kitchen – usually L's favorite room – was empty and Soichiro headed through into the lounge.

L was in there, perched on the arm of the couch with his back to Soichiro. His entire attention was fixed on his laptop and he didn't even turn around to acknowledge the older man's presence.

Soichiro cleared his throat. "Ryuzaki—"

L jumped and spun around, snapping the laptop shut with a guilty look. He did so about two seconds too late, just long enough for Soichiro to catch a glimpse of what the younger man had been looking at.

"Was that what I think it was?"

"No!" L insisted, a little too quickly. Maybe that was another reason why Watari insisted he never showed himself during a case; because face to face, Soichiro thought, L was a terrible liar.

Crossing over, Soichiro opened the laptop, ignoring L – who was now doing an excellent imitation of a deer in headlights – and stared at what was displayed there for several seconds before turning to L.

"Ryuzaki—" he began.

"It's not what it looks like, Yagami-_san_! I swear!"

"It looks like Youtube."

L went scarlet and hopped onto the couch, curling into a very tight little ball. "I just wanted to hear some music."

"That's alright. There's nothing wrong with music."

"Rock music," L mumbled to his knees.

"Well, that's not quite my taste, but if you like it, Ryuzaki, you listen to it."

L uncurled enough to stare at Soichiro. "What?"

"You want to listen to music or watch movies or play video games or whatever it is young people do in Japan these days, then do it. Just watch the volume if you're doing it late at night; other people need to sleep."

"That's why I wore these." L held out a small earpiece.

"I see. Well, in that case, you can listen to all the music you want."

L looked up at him, biting his thumb, eyes huge. "You mean...you won't get angry with me for wasting time that I could use to work on the murders?"

"You're not working on the murders, Ryuzaki, remember? And anyway, with your injuries, sitting quietly listening to music or watching movies all day seems a good idea to me."

"If I'm not working on the murders, why did you drag me into the NPA today?"

"Because you had a lead and I couldn't afford to wait until this evening when we'd be alone."

L hunched over, still chewing on his thumbnail. "Are you still angry about earlier?"

"No."

"Why not? I would be if someone threw an ashtray at _my_ head."

Soichiro wasn't sure what the right answer to that was, and so he settled for saying, "Because I'm not you, Ryuzaki, and because I don't bear grudges. And I thought you did extremely well in the department."

L looked stunned. "Really? You mean it?"

"Yes. Why? How do you think it went"

The young man thought about this, then said, "I don't know. It...once I got started, it wasn't quite as bad as I thought it was going to be. I'm not sure I'd like to make it a regular thing though."

Soichiro smiled. "Well, for what it's worth, I'm proud of you. How's your hip?"

"Fine."

"Really?"

L shifted from foot to foot. "I don't know. It doesn't hurt too much, or maybe I just can't feel it over the pain in my stomach."

Soichiro glanced at him, concerned. "Stomach pain?"

"Yes. I haven't eaten today, not unless you count that yogurt, so my hunger pangs are growing rather strong. I was hoping the music would take my mind off them."

"Didn't you eat lunch?"

L looked away, tracing patterns on his knee. "No. I...well, I wasn't very hungry then. I don't enjoy arguing with people I like, Yagami-_san_. It makes my heart hurt, and then I don't want to eat anything."

"Oh, so you do like me. Well, that's good to know. After that little display in my office, I was beginning to wonder."

L shuffled into a tighter ball without answering and Soichiro felt a pang of guilt. He'd meant the comment as a joke, nothing more, but apparently L hadn't found it all that funny.

"I'm sorry, Ryuzaki. I didn't mean that. Did you eat dinner with my family?"

"No."

"Why not?"

The young man swallowed, suddenly looking very unsure of himself. "I...wasn't invited. I thought Sachiko-_san_ and Sayu-_san_ wanted a quiet dinner alone, so I didn't want to intrude."

Soichiro swore mentally. Last night had represented a breakthrough in more ways than one; it was the first time that L had actively sought the Yagami family's company and the older man wanted to encourage this newfound sociability. L would never be a people person, but Soichiro thought the young man could learn that being in social situations wasn't a bad thing.

"Alright," he said aloud. "I've got some food here. Let me have a look at your hip and afterwards you can have something to eat."

"What kind of food, Yagami-_san_?"

"If you were as hungry as you claim, you wouldn't ask that question. _Gyoza_ and _yakitori_."

L licked his lips, gaze now fixed firmly on the bag. "Let me eat something first, before it gets cold."

Soichiro relented. "Alright. Here."

He took out two _yakitori_ skewers and gave one to L, who snatched it and began eating. By the time Soichiro had taken the first bite out of his own skewer, L had stripped his completely and tossed it aside in favor of the bag of _gyoza, _supplemented with bites from another skewer.

"Do you have anything to drink?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Ryuzaki. And yes, I got some beer on the way back. You can have a can of that if you like."

L hesitated, then swallowed his mouthful of chicken and _gyoza_.

"Beer?" he echoed. "You mean...alcohol?"

"Yes." Sensing the young man's wariness, Soichiro added, "One beer won't give you a hangover. If you don't want it, fine, but it's late and I'm not going out to buy you anything else. You'll have to make do with water."

L reached into the bag and pulled out a can of beer. He studied it for a few seconds, turning it over and over in his hands, then cracked it open and sniffed it.

"Does it taste like _sake_?"

"No."

L hesitated before raising the can to his lips and taking a furtive, nervous sip. Soichiro wondered what Watari would have done if he'd caught L drinking beer, and whether it would have been better or worse than what he would have done if he'd caught L reading a novel or listening to music.

"How do you like it?"

"It's...odd. Strange." L took another, larger swallow. "But it goes nicely with the chicken. Do you drink it as well?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "I didn't buy it for modern art. Why?"

"I don't know. I just thought...you being deputy director of the NPA, you'd be completely dedicated to your work. Serious. No sense of fun."

"I am dedicated to my work, Ryuzaki, when I'm _at_ work. When I'm not, I relax. I can't keep thinking about the kinds of things I have to deal with twenty four seven; I'd burn out."

L managed a grim smile. "How long did it take you to learn that, Yagami-_san_?"

"About five years," Soichiro confessed. "My superior had to order me to take some time off in the end before I had a nervous breakdown and wound up in hospital."

L looked at him with more interest than Soichiro could remember the young man showing before.

"Really? You obsessed over cases too?"

"Most police officers do, at least, those that care about their job. Not all of them to the same extent, and I don't know _anyone_ who obsesses over cases the way you did—"

"Did?" L echoed, looking unsure.

"Yes, Ryuzaki, _did_. You're not a detective anymore."

L was silent for a long time. Then he said, "Even if I want to be? Don't I get any say in this at _all_?"

"If you want to be, that's a different matter. I'm saying you don't _have_ to be, and at the moment I don't trust you not to work yourself to death."

"I want to catch these people."

"I know. So do I. So does everyone else at the NPA."

"_Almost_ everyone."

Soichiro reached into the bag and pulled out a beer for himself. "If you're talking about Tatenaka..."

"Tatenaka?" L blinked, then leaned back into the couch, relaxing a little. "No. Tatenaka's not involved in this."

"In what?"

L didn't answer; simply looked at him. Soichiro returned the look for a few seconds, then it dawned on him.

"Wait a minute." His voice was hoarse. "Ryuzaki...are you trying to tell me someone in the _NPA_ is behind this?"

"I'm not _trying_ to tell you anything, Yagami-_san_. I _am_ telling you. At least, if not someone in the NPA, then someone close to them; a spouse or a parent or something. But I don't have any idea who, which is why I didn't mention it earlier."

Soichiro felt as though he'd swallowed broken glass. "How do you know this?"

L glanced at him, surprised. "Because I have very good hearing, Yagami-_san,_ and I heard what you and Aizawa said to each other at the hospital. Somehowthe whole department knew what nearly happened to Sayu, and not because they'd heard it from you or read it in the papers. Either someone in the NPA – not necessarily in your department – heard about it from someone close to them who was involved in it and let it slip, or they were involved themselves. There's no other explanation." He took another gulp of beer. "You know, I could grow to enjoy this stuff."

"Do you have any idea who this person could be?" Soichiro demanded.

"No. Well, I'm certain we can rule out the task force, and something tells me Tatenaka's clean too, but beyond that I don't know your people well enough. You've got a better chance of working it out than I do. And remember it may not be a police officer at all."

"But there's some kind of leak in the NPA."

L considered this. "Perhaps. But if the person is simply someone close to an NPA detective, then they'd have no way of getting information; they could have just let it slip about what happened to Sayu."

"So they may also know that _we_ know when the next murders will be."

"Perhaps. But I doubt that will worry them. We don't know where they will be, so there's no way we can stop them. All we can do is hope for them to make a mistake."

He was right, although Soichiro didn't like to admit it. Given the current situation, they could do nothing but wait.


	19. Dead Ends

**Mystery Reviewers: **Thanks XD And...well, after this story is finished, there's always the sequel ;)

**Beezus: **Well, L didn't say someone in the NPA was responsible for the murders; he just said that either an NPA detective _or_ someone close to them – ie, family member – knows more about the murders than they should. Light...his name probably will crop up a few more times, but there won't be any long, in-depth soliloquies about him.

**L-Lawliet-Ryuzaki13: **Thanks :D I have heard of the Slender Man, although I'm not sure I could work it (him?) into a fic. I might touch on Aokigahara at some point though :P

* * *

**JUNE 15**

Soichiro's phone rang at a quarter to six, dragging him out of sleep. Heart sinking, already knowing what he was going to hear, he fumbled it off the nightstand and answered it.

"Where?"

"Taito district," Aizawa answered, sounding indecently alert for that time of the morning, albeit a little shaky. "Ueno hotel. Room three two eight."

Soichiro sat bolt upright, all tiredness gone. "_What_?"

"It was a family of tourists on holiday. Mother, father and their eleven year old daughter."

The deputy director massaged his temples. He could already feel a headache coming on.

"And from the unusually subdued tone of your voice, Aizawa, I assume you're going to tell me that it wasn't either of the parents that got killed."

"No, it wasn't."

Well, that was just _wonderful_. Soichiro got out of bed and headed for the bathroom, tucking the phone under one ear.

"Do they speak any Japanese?" The deputy director had learned the value of this question very early on in his career, when he'd dealt with another crime involving two rather attractive women, and one of his colleagues had made a rather unprofessional comment to him in Japanese, thinking that the two women couldn't understand a word they were saying. Instead, one of them had stepped forward and launched into him in fluent (and not very polite) Japanese in a broad Osakan accent, telling him in no uncertain terms exactly what she thought of him and his remarks.

"Not enough to hold a conversation. They're staying in Tokyo on one of those package holidays and enough hotels here speak English. Matsuda's doing his best – he speaks the language better than I do – but he's still only got tourist English."

"Why can't one of the hotel staff translate?"

There was a short pause, then Aizawa said, "Because the only ones that speak English are the receptionists, and the reception doesn't open until eight. Besides, their English is good when it comes to making bookings and taking reservations, and pointing idiot tourists in the direction of the nearest trap, but for something like this..." His voice trailed off.

"Alright. I'll call Takahashi, have him come along. Tell Matsuda I'll be there directly."

Soichiro ended the call and immediately dialed Takahashi's number. It rang for several seconds, then there was a sleepy sounding grunt on the other end.

"Takahashi? It's Yagami."

"Yagami?" There was a short pause, then, "Did I oversleep?"

"No. There's been a fourth murder, this time at the Ueno hotel in Taito. I need you there as an interpreter; the parents don't speak Japanese."

"Parents," Takahashi echoed. There was a heavy tone in his voice that hadn't been there before. "Crud. I hate these ones."

"We all do. Just get out of bed and get down to that hotel. The sooner we can get this sorted out, the better."

Soichiro shut the phone, dropped it on one side and stepped into the shower. The hot water woke him up a little, and by the time he'd finished, shaved and dressed, he was feeling almost human in spite of the early hour. If only he'd had time for a cup of coffee.

The drive to the hotel took Soichiro about half an hour, and when he got there, he found Matsuda, Aizawa and Takahashi outside the hotel, leaning against one of the NPA cars and so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't even notice when Soichiro's car pulled up and the deputy director got out.

"—take her back," Matsuda was saying as Soichiro approached from behind.

The deputy director hung back a little. He didn't make a habit of eavesdropping, but sometimes listening to other people's ideas on a subject could help you develop your own.

"Couldn't they do it here?" Aizawa wanted to know. "I mean, just hold the cremation and then take the ashes back for the funeral ceremony? It wouldn't be ideal, but it would be better than, well..." He indicated the window of the room where Soichiro presumed the body was. The words _Taking something like that on the plane_ hung in the air.

"Unless they want to bury her," Matsuda pointed out. "A lot of Westerners do, you know."

"Ah." Aizawa frowned. Burial was almost unheard of in Japan, unless it was after a natural disaster when there were too many bodies for the crematoriums to handle. "Yeah, good point. I didn't think of that."

"You've got to feel sorry for them though," Takahashi put in. He was holding a steaming cup of coffee, which Soichiro had half a mind to confiscate for himself. "I mean, you don't expect this sort of thing to happen when you go on holiday. Instead of bringing back photographs and souvenirs, they get to take home what's left of their daughter's corpse. Poor little kid was only eleven."

"Yeah." Aizawa leaned back against the car moodily. "There goes half our tourist industry for the next year."

"I thought you hated foreigners," Matsuda retorted.

Aizawa glanced at him, surprised out of his mood. "No, not at all. I mean, I hate foreigners who come to Japan and wreak havoc, get drunk and trash the place and then say _Oh, sorry, our culture is so different to yours that I didn't realize I was behaving inappropriately _and expect us to be stupid enough to believe them,but in general, I think they're okay. Usually the only crimes they commit are visa-related, and that doesn't fall under our department and doesn't hurt anyone or anything except themselves. Where are these ones from, does anybody know?"

"Devon." Takahashi lit up a cigarette, inhaled and blew out a plume of smoke.

"Where's that?"

"A prefecture somewhere in England. No idea where, but I don't suppose it matters since I've no plans to visit."

And sometimes, Soichiro thought, listening to other people's ideas was no help whatsoever.

He cleared his throat and had the small satisfaction of seeing the other three jump and spin around and in Takahashi's case, drop his cigarette into his mug. Various questions flickered across their faces, from _How long has he been standing there? _to _Did any of us say anything he can chew us out for?_

"I was under the impression that this was a crime scene, not an _izakaya,_" Soichiro said coldly.

"Ueda's up there checking for evidence, Yagami-_bucho_," Aizawa answered in a respectful tone. "You know he worked in forensics before transferring. He told us to stay out of the way in case we contaminated the evidence."

Soichiro gave a kind of mental grimace. That was Ueda all over; a good policeman in his own way, but obsessed with doing things by the book and fiercely territorial when it came to crime scenes, although in that, he wasn't much different from the usual forensic experts Soichiro dealt with.

"Alright. Where are the parents?"

Takahashi looked up from attempting to fish his cigarette out of his coffee. "In the manager's office, Yagami-_bucho_." He nodded in the direction of the hotel. "I spoke to them like you asked, but they're mostly in shock. I was planning to take them to the NPA and get a formal statement, if you've no objections."

"None at all, Takahashi, but I want that statement and all supporting documents in the way of hotel bills, receipts and anything else on my desk before the end of the day."

Takahashi bowed, gave his coffee cup and drowned cigarette to a nonplussed Matsuda, and strode off to the hotel.

That was one less headache at any rate. Soichiro always hated dealing with the family of a murdered child, mostly because as a parent himself, there was always a tiny little voice in the back of his head which kept saying _I'm glad it wasn't my kid_. The fact that this family happened to be foreign was also going to complicate matters, not because he had anything against foreigners, but because the parents were likely to insist upon their daughter's body being shipped back to the West for the funeral. Soichiro wasn't entirely sure what the correct protocol for something like this was; it had never come up before.

As he entered the hotel, he wondered if he should introduce himself to the parents, then decided against it. He could just about remember enough English from his days in high school to say _My name is Yagami_, but anything else would have to go through Takahashi, and the policeman in him knew that the foreigners would be expecting answers that Soichiro couldn't give.

The door to room three hundred and twenty eight was shut when he arrived. Soichiro guessed Ueda had done this to keep out the curious (and possibly Matsuda) but it still irked him a little that he had to knock to gain entry to his own crime scene.

Footsteps approached from the other side, then the door opened and Ueda stood there, looking a little harried.

"Oh...Yagami-_bucho_." He stepped back, allowing Soichiro into the room. "I thought you were Matsuda."

"No, although I want him to have a look at the body when you're through. With his background, he may pick up something that the rest of us would miss." Deep in his heart Soichiro doubted this, since he didn't think there would be anything about this body that was different from the last one, but it never hurt to try. As far as he himself could make out, the child's corpse was in the same state as the others; slit from navel to chest with surgical precision and the heart removed. Given the grisly nature of the murder, there was surprisingly little blood in this room.

"Have you turned up anything?" he asked.

Ueda shook his head, not looking up from his examination of the nightstand.

"Nothing new that I can see. It's the same old story, Yagami-_bucho_; not a single scrap of evidence."

Soichiro stepped forward to examine the body more closely, even though he already knew he wouldn't find anything in the way of clues. The ones behind this were too meticulous for that. There were probably fingerprints on whatever had been used to cut the child open – the popular theory at the moment was a scalpel – but that was no damn help to anyone!

Nothing. Of course, forensics would send in a team with specialized equipment to go over this place from top to bottom, but they hadn't found anything at the last three sites, and Soichiro doubted they'd have any more luck here.

_One breakthrough. Just one small, tiny breakthrough; is that too much to ask?_

* * *

Takahashi was as good as his word and the statement landed on Soichiro's desk four hours after the deputy director arrived at the NPA. Unfortunately there was nothing in there that could be any use. The girl had had her own room, next to her parents'. The mother had woken briefly in the night but didn't remember why, and she'd dropped back to sleep again a few seconds later. They'd only arrived at Narita airport that day, and with the flight and the time difference, they'd all checked into the hotel and had an early night.

_Does that mean someone in the hotel is involved in this_? It seemed the most logical explanation – how else could the killers have entered the room – but even considering it made Soichiro's heart sink. Just how big was this operation? And what was the _point_ of it? The very fact that the dates could be predicted said that these killings were planned, but how could they have known that their target would arrive on this date?

_If someone in the hotel is involved in this, they'd have that information. They could just look it up on the reservations database_.

_Alright. Put that one on hold for the minute, although we should probably question the hotel staff just in case. Did anyone else know about it?_

It seemed Takahashi had been wondering that same thing. About halfway down the second page of the statement, both the parents mentioned that they'd got chatting to an English speaking official at the airport while waiting for their tour bus.

For a moment Soichiro hoped this would provide them with a new lead, but a post-it note in Takahashi's handwriting put paid to that idea.

_Yagami-bucho_

_Don't bother; I already called the airport to check. This guy had only just started the night shift when the family arrived. He's got nineteen alibis and eight hours of CCTV footage putting him very firmly at his desk when the murder took place._

_Takahashi_

Soichiro sighed. There was something there, he knew it. Something he was missing. Something that was staring him right in the face, if only he could focus on it. He didn't know whether it was in the statement or something his subconscious had picked up on while he was at that hotel, but something about this particular murder didn't add up.

Whatever it was, it continued to elude him until the early evening, at which point he finally gave up and headed back to the apartment. Maybe he could find a way of discussing it with L, a way that wouldn't involve another explosion like yesterday's.

"Oh, thank goodness you're back so early!" Sachiko hurried over to her husband before Soichiro had even managed to shut the door, her voice lowered to a bare whisper. "I think something's wrong with Ryuzaki."

Soichiro turned to stare at his wife. "What do you mean?"

"He's been curled up on the couch since about half past two. I tried calling his name but he wouldn't respond. I'm not sure he heard me."

Soichiro turned to look at the door to the lounge. "He may be having another bad day."

"But he didn't do this last time he had one."

"Yes he did. It was after you and Sayu had gone to bed." _Was_ this a bad day? L had told him about the last one in good time, but back then he hadn't been through quite so much. It was possible he'd meant to mention this one as well, only it had just slipped his mind.

_Whether it is or not, it's damn inconvenient right now_.

Pushing the door open, Soichiro saw L curled up in his _something's-not-right_ ball and his heart sank a little.

"Ryuzaki?" The older man sat down next to L and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Silence.

"Sachiko's been very worried about you."

"Again?" L's voice was very hoarse. "Doesn't she have anything better to do? Why can't she just leave me _alone_?"

It was so out of character for L to complain about anyone – let alone Sachiko – that for a moment Soichiro wasn't sure he'd heard him correctly.

"Is today another bad day for you?" he asked.

The young man shook his head.

"No? Alright. Well, I'm just going to sit here for a while. Let me know if you want to talk."

From the way L shuffled a little closer to him, it seemed that yes, he did want to talk; he'd just been waiting for Soichiro to get home.

"Yagami-_san_?"

"Yes?"

"Did...was there another murder today?"

"Yes. A family of tourists staying in Taito. Their eleven year old daughter was murdered."

L curled tighter, looking as though he wanted to disappear into his ball for good.

"Yagami-_san_?" he said again.

"Yes?" Soichiro repeated patiently.

"Can...would you do me a favor? If I asked you?"

"That depends what the favor is, Ryuzaki."

"Today...it wasn't a bad day in the sense you mean, but it wasn't good. Sachiko-_san_ invited her friend Keiko-_san_ over."

Soichiro frowned. He'd met all of Sachiko's friends, of course, but he didn't know much about them on a personal basis.

"Keiko...Keiko..." Something about that name stood out in his mind for some reason, then it hit him. "You mean Keiko Okimura? Height about one hundred and sixty eight centimeters, hair worn in a bun, small scar on the side of her nose?"

"That's a policeman's description if ever I heard one, but yes. Yagami-_san_, please ask Sachiko-_san_ to give me a little warning next time she invites one of her friends over. If I know they're coming, I can get out the way in time, but it's very difficult to stand up and walk out in the middle of a conversation without being too obvious about it."

Soichiro frowned. "You must have met Sachiko's friends before."

"Yes, sometimes. That was fine; we would say hello and that would be it. They didn't bother me and I didn't bother them."

"What was it about Okimura-_san_ that bothered you, Ryuzaki?"

"It's not her that was the problem." L seemed to think that this explained everything; he squirmed closer to Soichiro, face still buried in his knees.

Soichiro put an arm around L's shoulders. "Then who?"

L didn't answer. The older man racked his brains for something else to say and at that point his memory threw up another card.

"Hang on. Okimura-_san_? Isn't she the one with the—" Understanding dawned and he closed his eyes. Oh boy. "With the daughter about your age," he finished wearily.

"With the _ugly_, _boring_ daughter about my age," L corrected him.

Soichiro swatted him on the shoulder. "That's no way to talk about a young woman, Ryuzaki!"

"Why not? It's the truth. Although I will concede that if she were to get a better hairstyle and lose the braces, she could be quite pretty; her features and skin are both above average. She doesn't seem to be spiteful and someone else who is interested in the noble art of philately will probably find her conversation riveting, but that someone is not me." L's voice quivered very slightly and Soichiro got the odd feeling that he was having to struggle quite hard to keep it that steady. "Please be so kind as to inform Sachiko-_san_ that I am not interested in romance and if I ever am, I would much prefer to select my own partner. Perhaps she will listen to you."

"Ryuzaki—"

"_Please_." There was no mistaking that note in L's voice. He wasn't ordering Soichiro; he was pleading with him.

"Alright. Alright. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again. I don't know about giving you notice – a lot of the time Sachiko and her friends get together for a chat on a whim – but I'll do everything in my power to see that they don't try and play matchmaker with you. Have you eaten dinner?"

L shook his head. "I couldn't. My heart's been hurting all day, Yagami-_san_." For the first time, he lifted his head out of his knees to look at the older man and with a shock so great it froze him to the spot, Soichiro realized that L had been _crying_. "It's been hurting so much I thought I was going to die."

"People don't die from the kind of feelings you're describing, Ryuzaki." Despite the brisk words, Soichiro's tone was gentle. "But I will ask Sachiko not to try and pair you off with her best friend's daughter again."

L dived back into his ball. Muffled again, his voice drifted up. "I suppose you think this is all very funny."

"I probably would, if you weren't so upset about it."

The young man laughed bitterly. "Are you surprised that I can cry?"

"No, but I am surprised that this kind of thing is what caused it," Soichiro answered candidly.

L looked away, although that bitter smile never left his face. "There's a lot about me you don't know, Yagami-_san_."

"Oh, I know _that_. To be honest, Ryuzaki, right now it seems to me like we're both blundering around in the dark. I think we need a new strategy."

The young man glanced up at him, half wary, half inquisitive. "What kind of strategy?"

"One that involves you making a list." Soichiro had been tossing this idea back and forth in his mind for a while now, and the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like the perfect solution for L.

It certainly captured his interest; the young man sat up, frowning.

"A list?" he echoed.

"Yes. A list of everything you're not clear on about life in the outside world."

L gave a hollow laugh. "That's going to be a very long list, Yagami-_san_."

Soichiro shrugged. "Then it's a long list. You're welcome to stay with me and my family for as long as you want, you know that, but sooner or later there'll come a time when you want your own life in your own place."

L looked away, pained. "Don't say that. I'm not that ungrateful."

"Wanting your independence doesn't make you ungrateful, Ryuzaki. It makes you an adult. But I promise you that you won't have to leave until you're ready."

L licked his lips, retreating halfway back into his ball again. "Then...can I move back in with you? Here, I mean?"

"Yes. Though I should warn you that Sachiko will probably do her very best to stuff you at every single meal."

That won him one of L's very rare genuine smiles. "That's alright, Yagami-_san_. I like her way of stuffing me. Though she never has enough strawberries for me."

"_Shizuoka_ probably doesn't have enough strawberries for you, Ryuzaki," Soichiro couldn't resist saying, albeit with a smile. "If you want more, you can go and buy them yourself."

"Very true. I got the money today."

"I see." Soichiro felt a part of him ought to be reprimanding L for what was, after all, stealing, but somehow he just didn't have the heart. "How's your hip?"

"Fine."

"Show me."

L looked at him, squirming away. "Yagami-_san_...your wife might come in. I don't want her...well..."

"Seeing you?" Soichiro supplied. He shook his head. "I don't know where you get this prudishness from, Ryuzaki, I really don't."

"There's nothing prudish about not wanting to take my pants off in front of another man's wife, Yagami-_san_! Anyway, since it's my body, I ought to be able to control who gets to look at it! God knows I've never been able to control anything else about my life!"

"Alright, alright. Calm down. We'll go next door." Soichiro rose to his feet and L hopped off the couch. His knees buckled and he had to grab the older man in a desperate attempt to keep from falling.

"You're fine, are you?" Soichiro said flatly.

"It's not my hip, Yagami-_san_. I haven't moved all afternoon. My joints are stiff."

Of course, that could also explain it, Soichiro admitted to himself.

"On that subject, Ryuzaki, I meant to ask you about this back at the hospital, but it slipped my mind. I was speaking with the doctor and he told me you have several old fractures."

"Oh, so that's what the two of you were discussing so avidly. I did wonder." Easing himself away from Soichiro, L limped over to the bookcase on the far wall and reached into it, feeling around behind the books. There was a _click_ and both the bookcase and a large section of wall swung inward, revealing the apartment beyond.

"You mind telling me how you got them?"

L glanced at him, eyes narrowed with suspicion. "What does it matter, Yagami-_san_? I don't have them any more."

"No, that's true, but I think that doctor was at least half convinced that I was responsible for them. I don't mind people mistaking you for a member of my family, Ryuzaki—"

"Really?"

"—but I'm not going to let them think I go around beating you up."

"No. I see." L was silent for a few minutes, then he said, "I jumped out of a window."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"On the first floor. It wasn't too bad; the hood on the delivery truck broke my fall, and the parked car stopped me flying under the wheels of another car."

"How much damage was there?"

"The hood was severely dented and the rear windshield on that parked car was smashed, but I don't think there was—"

Soichiro couldn't hold back a smile. "Not to the cars, Ryuzaki; to you."

"Oh. I did my pelvis and both my legs. Probably some ribs too; I can't really remember. I was on bed rest for three months. Luckily Watari brought everything in so I wouldn't fall behind on any of my cases." There was a flat note in L's voice which said the young man didn't consider this very lucky.

"Was this in Kyoto?" Soichiro dared to ask.

L paused in the middle of opening another secret door – this one through the full length wall mirror in the master bedroom – hunched over a little and mumbled, "Yeah."

_One day I'm going to find out exactly what happened to you in that city_, Soichiro thought as L scrambled onto the table and unfastened his jeans.

To his surprise, L's hip was in a far better state than he'd expected. The gash was still a long way from healing, but the telltale signs of infection had disappeared.

"Looks like I get to stay out of hospital," L remarked.

"Mm." Soichiro folded his arms. "When you asked me to give you until the fifteenth, was that because you knew there would be a murder on that day and you thought I'd be too busy to take you into hospital anyway?"

"Yes."

"Rather manipulative, wasn't it?"

L considered this. "I suppose so, but how else was I going to ensure you wouldn't take me back into hospital?"

It was a genuine question, and Soichiro sighed. "You would have bought yourself about seven hours, at the most."

"Seven hours where I don't have to be in hospital sounds good to me, Yagami-_san_." L looked down at the gash. "And I think the infection's clearing up."

"You'd say that anyway. But yes, I think you're right. And since you're going to be here instead, would you do something for me?"

L sat up, looking more alert than Soichiro had seen him in a long while. "Of course."

"Tomorrow or the day after – no later – I want you to take Sachiko and Sayu around this building. Show them every hidden passage and trick door in here. I doubt they'll need them, but just in case."

The young man nodded, a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. "Yes, I can do that. But what about you?"

"I'll be alright. But I think I'll be spending a lot of time at work. Maybe even nights as well. I'm sure they're safe here, but..."

L filled in. "You want to make sure they can get out of here if trouble arises."

Soichiro nodded. "Exactly."

"Alright. I'll take them around tomorrow. I can't show them all the hidden doors and secret passages – it would take more than one day – but I can show them most of them."

"And the booby traps?"

L went red. "It's alright, Yagami-_san_. I already took them all down. There's nothing but the standard security measures now."

"_All_ of them?"

"Yes." The young man tilted his head back. "Except the one above your head."

Soichiro jumped back instinctively and glanced up, to see nothing more threatening than the ceiling.

"Ryuzaki..."

L pasted an innocent look on his face, not looking at Soichiro.

"Maybe it was someone else's head," he said to the ceiling.

"Did Watari teach you to play practical jokes on people?"

"Humor is a waste of time and resources. No one ever saved anyone by cracking jokes."

This, Soichiro decided, meant _no_.

"Do you want me to be serious all the time, Yagami-_san_?" L asked. "Because I can. Watari taught me when I was a child. He said he only liked me when I was serious. It wasn't easy, but I got the hang of it in the end."

"I want you to be you. I'm just surprised you have a sense of humor, given you once told Light how much you disliked jokes."

A faintly troubled look flickered across L's face. "I did, then...I think. To be honest, I was so exhausted most of the time that I don't remember what I liked or disliked. Sometimes you or someone else on the task force would be talking to me and it would be all I could do to keep my eyes open. I don't think I really know what kind of person I am. Maybe that's really why I emailed you, because I thought you could tell me. And because of the blanket," L added.

"That's not how it works," Soichiro said very quietly. _How did we miss that? How did any of us miss it when we were with him twenty four seven? Why didn't we see how exhausted he was instead of piling on the workload?_

"It is in a way," L argued. "You can tell me how I come across to other people. Besides weird, I mean." There was a short pause, then he said in a voice that quivered slightly, "How _do_ I come across to other people?"

"Since I'm not those other people, Ryuzaki, that's a very hard one to answer."

"Please try."

_Why is it always the middle of the night when he wants to talk about these things_? a small part of Soichiro muttered.

"Well...you're polite. And you have your own unique style."

"Unique? What exactly does that mean, Yagami-_san_? _Tapeworms_ are unique. And I assure you I have not the least desire to bury my face in your internal organs and slurp up your digested food."

Soichiro grimaced. There went his appetite...again. "Ryuzaki, have you ever considered a career as a weight loss counselor?"

"No. Why?"

"Oh...no reason." Soichiro fell silent. L's mention of internal organs had brought his own mind back to that morning.

_Four murders. Four murders and we're no closer to catching the ones behind this than we were when it first started._

Well, no, that wasn't quite true. They were making progress, but it was agonizingly slow. Soichiro really didn't want to bring L into this on a full-time basis, not after the poor kid had gone into meltdown in his office, but unless a breakthrough just happened to walk right up to him in the next few days or so, he couldn't honestly see what else to do.


	20. Two Steps Back

**Lucy: **Thanks :) Just because L doesn't find Sachiko too threatening, that doesn't mean he trusts her or wants to confide in her (to draw a rough analogy, I don't find my bus driver threatening, but I'm not much inclined to share my secrets with him), so if you're hoping for a nice little heart-to-heart between L and Sachiko in this story, then I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. I did wonder about doing a chapter from Sachiko's POV, but it really wouldn't work in this story, so it will stay as Soichiro and occasionally L.

**Cloudcuckulander: **If you check the dates at the beginning of each chapter, you'll see it's only been a little over two weeks since the beginning of the fic. And no, I never said Matsuda lived with his wife; the only mention of her prior to Aizawa's little anecdote is in the very first chapter, when Matsuda says that he went with her to the snow festival. This takes place in January/February, almost four months before the start of this story. In Chapter 13 (the one you were referring to when Matsuda mentions his daughter) all he says is that he's living with his daughter Yukiko; he never mentions his wife at all.

**Mystery Reviewer: **Heh, thanks XD L being set up...well, it may happen again, or at the very least you'll probably get more details as to _what_ happened ;)

**Takahashu: ***blushes* Thanks :D

* * *

**JUNE 16 - 17**

Soichiro sat down at his desk and let out a low groan of frustration, and that was only because he thought it undignified for a deputy director to howl no matter _how_ thick his office walls were.

The parents of the young girl had been very cooperative, allowing the labs free and complete access to their daughter's body. It had been an utter waste of time, but at least it enabled the NPA to release the body to the family quickly. Arranging for it to be shipped home had been slightly more difficult – Takahashi had asked politely, Soichiro had made a formal request and Tatenaka had jumped up and down and shouted a lot – but they'd managed it, although the deputy director still wasn't certain which of the three of them had turned the trick in the end.

His desk phone rang, cutting off his train of thought, and Soichiro picked it up.

"Yagami."

"Yagami-_bucho_, it's me."

Soichiro took a deep breath. "Matsuda, if you're calling to tell me that you're going to be late to work _again—_"

"No, that's not it. I'm here now. Well, out in the lobby; I only got in a few minutes ago."

"I see. And was it really necessary for you to call and tell me this? I'm very busy." _Busy being baffled, that is_.

"No, that's not it. There's someone who'd like a moment of your time."

"Matsuda, if you're about to tell me that you've punched Tatenaka again, I don't know what kind of sympathy you expect from me."

"Etsuko Inoue's here."

It took the deputy director a few minutes to remember who Etsuko Inoue was, then he blinked.

"Really?"

"Yes. She says she's remembered something about the first murder and she wants to tell you about it. I offered to let her speak with Aizawa or Ueda, but she's adamant that she'll only talk to you."

"Are her parents with her?"

"No."

Soichiro hesitated, then sighed. This was opening himself up to a shedload of problems if Etsuko's family decided to protest, but...if she _did_ know something...

"Alright." Since it wasn't a formal statement and the girl had come in of her own free will, they might be able to gloss over it. "Bring her into my office."

He put the phone down without waiting for an answer and stared at his door, waiting.

When Matsuda finally turned up, the first thing that struck Soichiro was that Etsuko looked ten times worse than she had the last time he saw her. While her hair was neatly tied back and her clothes were clean, there was a haunted air about her that hadn't been present before. She looked like she hadn't eaten or slept properly since finding her friend's body.

"Etsuko-_san_. Sit down."

As Matsuda started to leave, Etsuko grabbed his sleeve so tightly she almost yanked the detective off his feet. Matsuda threw a questioning glance at Soichiro, who nodded very slightly at the chair next to Etsuko's. If the girl wanted Matsuda there for a little moral support (although Soichiro couldn't see why) then that was fine with him.

"Do you want a drink? Tea? Water?"

Etsuko shook her head, her face partially hidden behind a curtain of hair, but didn't speak.

"Alright. Matsuda says you've remembered something about the first murder, something which you didn't tell us last time you were in." Soichiro kept his voice as gentle as he could; being interviewed by the police, even in as informal a setting as this one, was alarming enough without the police shouting at everyone.

The silence stretched out, filling the room, then Etsuko said in a very low voice, "Yes. It...when it happened, I was lying awake. For most of it, at least. One of the people knocked something over in the kitchen and I think that's what woke me. At first I just thought they were burglars. Then I heard them talking about...about Chikako."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "That's strange. On your official statement you said you thought your friend was in the bathroom."

Etsuko stared at her hands, biting her lip so hard that a thick line of blood trickled down her chin, and didn't answer.

"So why didn't you mention any of this back then?" the deputy director pressed.

"I...I thought...what I have to say sounds a little crazy. I thought maybe...it might sound like I knew too much. Like I'd been involved with them or something. I didn't want the police to be suspicious of me."

Soichiro stared hard at her, anger beginning to build up inside him. "And did it never occur to you that _lying_ to us would be a damn good way to raise our suspicions?"

"I'm sorry." Etsuko swallowed hard. "Are you going to arrest me?"

"That depends on what you tell me. If you've been covering up for whoever did this—"

"No! I was telling the truth when I said I didn't see who it was. But I did hear them talking. There were three of them, two men and a woman. I should have gone in, I know, but—"

"No, you shouldn't," Matsuda interrupted. "You'd have been killed too." He glanced at Soichiro, silently asking for the older man's agreement.

"He's right." The deputy director's voice was a little gentler now. "There was nothing you could have done. What did you hear them say?"

"They were talking too low for me to make out most of it, Yagami-_san_. I mean, I sort of heard it but I can't say for certain that I heard what I think I heard."

Soichiro kept his voice calm as he answered, "But you must have heard something, otherwise you wouldn't have come back."

Etsuko nodded. She was squeezing Matsuda's hand so tightly her knuckles stood out stark white against her skin, and Soichiro doubted she was even aware she was doing it.

"Yes. I heard the woman say _This one should work _and both of the men agreeing with her."

"Both of them?" the deputy director queried. "You're sure it wasn't one man?"

"No, it was definitely two. They both spoke more or less at the same time."

"And what exactly did they say?"

Etsuko frowned a little. "One of them said _Oh, absolutely _and the other said _Yes, of course_. I think. It's hard to be sure of the exact words."

Of course, if this had been a book, Soichiro supposed wearily that the witness who came back would have heard something that was the key to solving the murder and which would, in popular cop show parlance, blow this thing wide open. Since it was real life, what she had to say was of virtually no help whatsoever.

_No, that's not true. You now know for certain that there are at least three people involved, men and women, and you've got another clue to work on. This one should work...this isn't just random killings. Whoever's doing this needs the bodies for something specific._

Soichiro put that on the back burner to come back to later and returned his attention to Etsuko.

"Can you remember anything else?"

The girl shook her head. "No. I'm sorry. I know it's not much, but...I thought you know more about what's happening...maybe it'll mean something to you."

"Alright. Well, thank you for coming in. I'm glad you had the courage to be honest." Soichiro glanced at Matsuda. "Matsuda, when you've escorted Etsuko-_san_ back to the lobby, come back in here. I want a word with you."

Matsuda shot to his feet so rapidly he knocked his chair over, and bowed.

"Yes, Yagami-_bucho_."

He helped Etsuko to her feet, and then escorted her out of the deputy director's office.

Left alone, Soichiro pondered what he'd just heard for a few minutes, then took a sheet of paper out of his desk and sat down with a pen. At the moment the facts were chasing each other around in his head and he couldn't make sense out of any of them. Dates...no, he could leave the dates, they'd already solved that part of the mystery.

_1st murder: Arakawa. Female, 15, heart removed_

_2nd murder: Chiyoda. Female, 12, heart removed_

_3rd murder (attempted): Toshima. Female, 18_

_3rd murder (successful): Toshima. Female, 14, heart removed_

_4th murder: Taito. Female (foreigner), 11, heart removed_

Soichiro stared at what he'd written, silently willing it to fall into place in his mind. So far all he could glean was that the victims (or attempted victim in Sayu's case) had all been female and young. The age didn't seem as important as the locations – when they failed to kill Sayu, they'd simply taken someone else who was younger – or the organ that was removed.

_Organs_. The deputy director looked up, mind suddenly whirring. Was that...no. No, it had to be something more than that. Something more complicated. Still, it would fit in nicely with what Etsuko had overheard.

"Yagami-_bucho_?" A very subdued Matsuda knocked and poked his head into the office without waiting to be invited. "You asked to see me?"

"Yes, I did. Close the door behind you."

Matsuda obeyed, then came to stand in front of Soichiro with a look that said quite plainly he expected to be yelled at.

"Were you involved in any organ transplants at medical school?"

The young detective held up his hands. "Oh, come _on_! Like they let medical students do that level of surgery!"

"I didn't ask if you'd wielded the scalpel. Did you study anything about them?" Soichiro asked.

"I know that if you're going to do a heart transplant, you only have a few hours to get the new heart where it's going. And I know that a heart transplant is a very lengthy and complicated procedure; you can't just open the chest and dump the new heart inside. It has to be hooked up to everything else. That's about it." Matsuda considered. "If you're talking about the bodies, I suppose whoever's behind this could be selling them though."

"No, that won't work. If they were just after black market organs, why did they only take the heart? Why not the kidneys or the liver as well?"

"Oh. Yeah." Matsuda relapsed into a glum silence. "Yagami-_bucho_...may I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"Is Ryuzaki okay? I haven't seen him since we moved into the old headquarters. I was wondering if something happened...recently," the young detective added.

Soichiro studied him for a few moments. "Why do you say that?"

"Because I saw this on his door this morning on my way to work." Matsuda held up a sheet of paper in L's unmistakable handwriting for Soichiro's inspection.

_If you're Yagami-san, you can come in._

_Everyone else, LEAVE ME ALONE!_

Soichiro stared at the notice, then sighed. "I see. It's nothing for you to worry about, Matsuda. One of Sachiko's friends has a daughter about Ryuzaki's age." He left it there, knowing that Matsuda would be able to fill in the rest of the blanks for himself.

The younger man winced. "Ooh. Poor Ryuzaki."

"Exactly." Soichiro paused, unsure about what he was going to say, then told himself _what the hell._ "Matsuda, when you heard him and Watari arguing that time, did either of them mention Kyoto?"

Matsuda's forehead creased as he thought back, then he shook his head. "Not that I heard. Why? Is it important?"

"It seems to be important to Ryuzaki. You're not just keeping quiet to protect his privacy?"

"No, I wouldn't do that. I mean, obviously I _would_, but I'd tell you if I knew, Yagami-_bucho_. I just wouldn't tell you _what_ I knew."

Which was very noble of him, Soichiro thought furiously, but about as much use as a paper kettle!

"Alright. You can go."

Matsuda bowed and walked out, leaving Soichiro alone with his thoughts.

_A few words._ Maybe what Etsuko heard hadn't been the key to solving this, but it had nudged it along a little further than they'd been before. At least now they knew that the murders had a definite purpose, although quite what that purpose could be, the deputy director still had no idea.

* * *

At nine fifteen that night, Soichiro left the NPA building and drove straight into a traffic jam. At nine thirty, he got fed up waiting for it to clear and turned into a side road, intending to take a slightly longer but hopefully easier route back, only to get snarled up in another jam caused (he suspected) by everyone trying to avoid the first one. It was five past ten by the time he finally got home.

Sachiko was busy paging through her diary when he entered. "Dear, do you think Sayu would prefer a restaurant in Ginza or Roppongi Hills for her birthday?"

Without missing a beat, Soichiro answered, "Well, I was thinking we could get her something a little easier to gift-wrap."

Sachiko glanced up at her husband, then laughed for the first time that Soichiro could remember in a long while.

"You know what I mean! Oh, and we can't forget Ryuzaki. Do you think he can sit _seiza_?"

"I don't know, but I'm pretty certain _I_ can't for an entire meal. Where does Sayu want to go?"

"She said she didn't mind, and there are some nice restaurants in Ginza."

"Yes, I'm sure there are," Soichiro said with a slight bite to his tones. "Unfortunately, to get a table in most of them, you need not just a reservation but a personal introduction."

Sachiko sighed. "I know, that's what they said when I tried to book. I think we should definitely go somewhere nice though. It would take our mind off...well, what happened."

"Yes, you're right; it'll be a good break for all of us. How's Ryuzaki been?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him all day. I invited him for lunch, but he refused. I got the feeling he's upset about something, though I don't know what."

Soichiro leaned against the kitchen counter and sighed. He'd really hoped to avoid this conversation, although he couldn't say he was surprised at L's shutting himself away. The young man had been indoctrinated into believing that he couldn't change or fight against the things he didn't want, so Soichiro supposed it seemed only natural to him to hide from them instead.

"You're right, Sachiko, he is upset. In fact, he's so upset that he spent a long time yesterday curled up and crying his eyes out. I've no idea what kind of memories were stirred up by you and Okimura_-san _playing matchmaker_,_ but please don't try and set him up with any more of your friends' daughters. From what I can make out – and this is pure guesswork, so whatever you do, don't bring it up with him – he was in some kind of relationship before, one that ended very badly. He's really not ready to start playing the dating game again, and this is coming from him, not me."

Sachiko shook her head. "I wasn't trying to set him up on a date, although given some of the things Keiko said, I can see it must have looked that way to him; I'd forgotten just how hung up she is on getting her daughter married. I just thought it might be nice if Ryuzaki knew some people his own age. It must be so boring for him stuck indoors all the time."

"Leave him alone. Right now he's scared, he's confused as hell and he's got some very unpleasant people trying to kidnap him. He doesn't need a new romance on top of all that. _Or_ a sparkling social life," Soichiro added. "Just let him come to terms with everything in his own time, however long that takes."

"And how long _will_ it take?"

"A hell of a lot longer if your friends keep trying to marry him to their daughters!" Soichiro flared, then he sighed. "I'm sorry, Sachiko. I didn't mean that. But Ryuzaki...he's important to me. I don't like seeing him hurt." _And I really don't like seeing him cry_, he added in his own mind. Seeing L look so broken and vulnerable had twisted something deep inside of Soichiro. "Just...if you know your friends are going to be coming over, please give him some warning. And if you don't know, at least give the poor guy an excuse to leave, since he's too polite to just get up and walk out!"

Without waiting for a response, he turned and strode into the bedroom, then sat down on the edge of the bed with another sigh. It wasn't L's trouble yesterday that was the problem; deep down he knew that. The problem was that the entire Yagami family was currently feeling uprooted and out of sorts. Moving so suddenly with nothing but the bags they'd taken to the hospital that night had been a shock for all of them, although Soichiro had noticed several family photographs and ornaments from the Yagami household had mysteriously appeared at some point. He had a very good idea who was responsible for that, but whenever asked, L denied it with an innocence that was perhaps a little too wide-eyed.

Soichiro undressed and got into bed, where he lay on his back and stared unblinking at the ceiling. It was a long time before he was able to fall asleep.

* * *

When he got into work the next morning, someone – Soichiro wasn't sure who, since they hadn't waited around to be thanked – had left that morning's paper on his desk. The headline **HEARTLESS MURDERER LEAVES ANOTHER HEARTLESS VICTIM! **blazed out at him and Soichiro suppressed a groan.

_The latest in a long line of particularly gruesome killings occurred two days ago at the Ueno hotel in Taito district. Deputy director Kyoichiro Yagami (55) _(Soichiro's breathing increased a little at seeing his age advanced by eight years) _was unavailable for comment, but a contact within the NPA by the name of Ryuzaki stated that he was the official liaison for the genius detective known only as L, who we can confirm is now an active part of the investigation team. _

_L has not been seen or heard from since the Blue Ship incident (in which he successfully stopped a lethal virus being introduced into the air by a radical ecoterrorist group) and was presumed by many to be either dead or retired._

Soichiro stopped reading and frowned.

"Blue Ship?" He would have to ask L about that when he got a moment.

_Ryuzaki claims that L has already narrowed down the field of suspects, and that the man pictured here – who goes by the name Hideaki Sato – is chief on that list of suspects. Should you see this man, you are urged not to approach him or engage with him in any way, but instead to report his location to the number printed at the end of the article. _

_The victims have all been female, although any significance of this has yet to be confirmed, and the method of killing is more unpleasant than usual; the young girls' hearts have all been removed with chilling precision. A possible motive for these killings has yet to be suggested and the NPA is unsure as to the exact method. We can only hope that they manage to succeed with L's help, and soon._

Soichiro glared at the paper as if it was personally responsible for its contents. Damn reporters! Why couldn't they just sit back and wait for news like the rest of the world?

Someone knocked on the door, jerking Soichiro's train of thought back to the present day.

"Yes?"

Aizawa came in, holding a slim white envelope in one hand. "Yagami-_bucho_, the report's back from the labs on that blood sample."

Soichiro sat upright. "Ah! Thank you."

He ripped the envelope open before Aizawa was even out of the room and read what was in there. Half a second later, he scrunched it up and hurled it at the wastepaper basket, missing it by two clear feet.

_Nothing_. The DNA hadn't matched any samples in the NPA database, nor had there been any kind of drugs in the body. So far, they seemed to be taking one step forward and two steps back.

_And Sato is still hunting L_. Soichiro had never met the man, of course, but from what L had said and what he himself had observed, he doubted Sato was the kind to give up easily, and by framing him for the murders, L had gone on the offensive. Regardless of however many times the young man had stressed that Sato was simply a suspect, Soichiro knew from experience that the line between _suspect_ and _culprit_ was a very thin one in most people's minds, and an easy one to cross.

Soichiro picked up his phone, hesitated, then put it down again. He needed more information before he could really call Wammy's House again. He needed—

—_to talk to the person who compiled that file_, his mind whispered.

Without stopping to think, half afraid that if he _did_ then he'd change his mind, Soichiro picked up the phone again and dialed Kitamura's home number.

"Kitamura residence."

"Kitamura-_san_?" Not that he had to ask; Soichiro would know his ex-boss' voice anywhere. "It's Yagami."

"Yagami-_kun_! I heard something about a spate of murders down your end. All under control, I trust?"

"Yes, of course," Soichiro answered, with perfect truth. The _investigation_ might not be progressing as smoothly as he would have liked, but the _murders_ were being managed and controlled beautifully.

"So why are you calling me?"

That was Kitamura all over; straight to the point. Soichiro took a deep breath and plunged in with no idea of what he was going to say until he heard the words come out of his mouth.

"Kitamura-_san_, do you remember the boy from Aomori who prevented that bombing in England?"

Kitamura's answer was swift. "Of course. I even met him once. Nice boy. Very good manners, if a little cheeky sometimes."

The world spun around Soichiro and he gripped the edge of his desk. "You..._what_?"

"Some idiot reporter asked the kid what his dream was. He said he wanted to visit the NPA headquarters in Tokyo, so next thing I know, I've got a delegation from the _Yomiuri_ in my office asking if it couldn't be arranged. What else could I say?"

"What did that boy look like?"

"Mm...typical Japanese. Jet black hair though, not dark brown. I was dreading the visit, but he turned out to be well-behaved. I could wish my own children had been that polite at his age. Now where is he?"

Soichiro didn't bother with stupid questions like _why do you say that_. Kitamura was an intelligent man and he knew his former subordinate too well. There was no way Soichiro would have called about this unless it was somehow relevant to the murders.

"Do you remember the Kira case, when you asked me what kind of person L was? Where he came from?"

There was a very long silence. Then Kitamura said, "I see. Are you certain?"

"Mostly. He remembers the bombing incident, but nothing more. As far as he's concerned he came into being in an institution in England when he was eight."

"Wammy's House." Kitamura sighed. "Yes. He would have been of particular interest to them. I must admit, I wondered about it myself, but since that place isn't in Japan, there was very little I could do. There wasn't even enough evidence to justify contacting them, or starting any kind of investigation in England." There was a pause, then Soichiro's former boss added, "You met him too, don't forget."

"What?"

"Don't you remember? He came up and chatted with you while you were on your lunch break."

Soichiro stared at his computer screen as a substitute for Kitamura. Now the man mentioned it, he did have a vague memory of a kid coming up to him that day at work and wanting to know what he did in the NPA.

_Well, at least that explains how he knew his way around._ Soichiro wondered what that was like, to know something without knowing how or why you knew it.

"Kitamura-_san_, do you have any more information on Wammy's House?"

"No, that file is all I managed to get. Even that took me eight years to put together. I had to compile it from fragments of information from other police agencies all over the world."

"Why did you compile it in the first place?"

There was a pause, then Kitamura said, "Is that question coming from a police officer to a civilian, or from one police officer to another?"

"Both, I suppose," Soichiro admitted.

"It's simple, really. If there was an institution training up super-geniuses and letting them loose on the world, I wanted to keep it on the radar. Suppose one of them went bad?" There was the distinct intake and slow release of breath that indicated Kitamura had just lit up a cigarette, then the ex-director went on. "I got the number from Watari at the beginning of the Kira case. I told him if he didn't let me have it, he could forget about any cooperation from the NPA."

Soichiro frowned. "L could have solved it without our help."

"That wasn't the point. I think a part of Watari reveled in L's success. Well, that's only natural since he was the one who trained him and who was responsible for him, but catching Kira would have been the jewel in the crown of Wammy's House. If we were threatening to arrest him, he could never have gone public with it. Any triumph of L's would have gone unrecorded. Besides, neither he nor Watari have powers of arrest; they would have _had_ to ensure our cooperation even if they found out who Kira was."

"So Watari gave you the number?"

"He didn't like to, but yes. Yagami-_kun_, I've answered plenty of your questions; how about you answer some of mine? Where is L now?"

"With me. He's retired and I plan to let him stay that way. Everything he's been through...it's left a mark on him. He was only thirteen when Wammy's House pitted him up against serial killers. They've been working him twenty four seven ever since, and at the end of the Kira case, they just tossed him aside like an old beer can to sink or swim on the streets." In spite of L's reticence on that subject – or maybe because of it – Soichiro was sure the young man had been deeply hurt by such a callous rejection.

"That fits. From what I was able to discern, children in Wammy's House aren't viewed as children so much as tools. People say that Japan puts too much pressure on its children to succeed, but if what I heard is even half accurate, we've got nothing on that institution." Another inhale-exhale. "So you took L in, did you? A psychologically disturbed young man, trained in combat, and you took him in and then left him alone with your wife and daughter?"

"_Disturbed_ doesn't mean _dangerous_," Soichiro pointed out with a touch of asperity.

"Well, maybe not," Kitamura conceded. "But I hope you know what you're doing, Yagami-_kun_. For the sake of your family, I really hope you know what you're doing."

The phone went dead. For a moment Soichiro simply stared at it, unable to believe what had just happened, then he replaced it slowly in the cradle.

_Well, that was a waste of time._

* * *

There were no more developments that day, and so Soichiro managed to get back at the more civilized time of seven thirty. He stopped off at his family's apartment to change clothes and verify that L wasn't there, then headed back out to pay the young man a visit. The deputy director supposed he could have used the secret doors L had shown him a couple of days ago, but something in him balked at the idea. He wasn't sure if you could knock on a secret door, and something about sneaking into L's apartment repulsed him.

Soichiro knocked on L's apartment door and then, when nobody answered, unlocked it and looked in.

L was perched on a kitchen chair with earphones trailing out of his ears and into his laptop, studying a map of Tokyo and munching on a strawberry and whipped cream sandwich.

"Ryuzaki?"

L jumped and slammed the laptop shut, caught sight of Soichiro and relaxed. "Oh, it's you."

"Are you planning a trip?" Soichiro asked, nodding toward the map.

"No. I'm trying to see if there's any connection between the location of the murders."

"Ah." Soichiro came fully inside, closing the door behind him, and joined L at the table. "Have you found any?"

"Not yet, but I think things may become clearer with the next one. Or two." L abandoned his map and looked up at Soichiro. "Have you come to torture me with disinfectant again?"

"You were the one who suggested treating your hip at home, Ryuzaki. Did you show Sachiko and Sayu around like I asked you to?"

L froze, then said in a rather strained voice. "No. I'm very sorry, Yagami-_san_, but I couldn't face it. To tell you the truth, I've been avoiding Sachiko-_san_ since she brought her friend with the boring daughter in."

Soichiro sighed. "I see. You know, Sachiko didn't invite Okimura-_san_ to bring her daughter along. And you should stop referring to her as boring."

"Her biggest goal in life is to save up enough money to buy an eighteen forty seven gold trader's stamp. You know, the kind they used to send gold from China to Japan. She owns nine hundred and twenty two stamps from various countries, and every single one has a story behind it even if it's just _Well, my aunt Serina gave it to me for my fourteenth birthday, and on that birthday, we had coffee and walnut cake!_ Does this strike you as riveting conversation, Yagami-_san_?" L shook his head. "I mean, who in the world eats coffee and walnut cake? Walnuts are an abomination. Now, if she'd had a new type of cake containing strawberries, one I'd never heard of—"

"—you'd have given her your complete and undivided attention," Soichiro finished.

"Exactly. Like I said before, she should go to a convention or something. She'd meet a nice boy there, one who's as obsessed with philately as she is, and _everyone_ would be happy." L paused for breath, then said, "I feel better now."

"Good. Now about my family—"

"I'll take them around first thing tomorrow, Yagami-_san_."

"That would be good, but it's Sayu's birthday tomorrow. Which reminds me, she said she wants to invite you out for dinner."

It wasn't until he saw the shocked look on L's face that Soichiro realized that his words were open to more than one interpretation and added, "With the rest of us. It's just a small family outing to a restaurant."

"Am I family, Yagami-_san_?" This in a very small voice.

"To be honest, I'd say that's up to you. But whether you are or not, you're still welcome to come."

L licked his lips. "I don't know. I get nervous in restaurants. People tend to stare at me."

"Only because you can't sit normally, Ryuzaki," Soichiro couldn't help pointing out.

"Would Sayu-_san_ be offended if I refused? I don't think I'd be any kind of company and I would probably just embarrass everyone." L paused. "I could buy her something nice. I'm not sure what though." He turned a pleading look on Soichiro. "Yagami-_san_, what's a good present to buy a girl that you like but don't want to have sex with? What does Sayu-_san_ like?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "You're leaving it a little late to ask that question, aren't you?"

"Well, _you're_ leaving it a little late to tell me about it!" L retorted. "Does Sayu-_san_ like books?"

"Yes, but not the kind of horror stories you're into. She gets nightmares easily. She's into romance."

"Romance." The young man slumped into a more pronounced ball. "What the hell is it with women and romance? Don't they ever think about anything else besides hearts and flowers?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows, smiling slightly. "Like what?"

"I don't know. Movies? Music?" L glowered at his laptop. "Oh well, she's the one who has to read it. Any kind of romance?"

"Historical, and very thick books; not the kind you get through in about half an hour. Other than that, no. Ryuzaki, you really don't have to worry about buying her a present. If you want to give her anything, just a card would be fine."

L considered this. "Are you coming to this family dinner tomorrow?"

Soichiro sighed and sat down next to L on the couch.

"I don't know," he said at last. "I'd like to, obviously, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to get back from work in time."

"You're the head of your department, Yagami-_san_. Who's going to stop you? You've had plenty of things to say on the subject of my working too hard and needing to relax. Maybe it's time you followed your own advice."

"That's a rather different thing, Ryuzaki," Soichiro answered, although even he could tell that his voice wasn't all that convincing.

"Why?" L wanted to know.

"Because—" here Soichiro floundered, unable to think of a good reason— "because...well, this isn't the first time I've had to miss a family celebration."

"Why?" L said again.

"Because of work. It's not possible for me to take off as and when I please."

"Why?"

"Because—Ryuzaki, how many times are you going to ask me that question?" Soichiro demanded.

"You haven't answered it yet, Yagami-_san_. Why is it alright for you to work yourself to death trying to catch a criminal, but not for me to help out? You know you need my help. You'd never have spotted the pattern in the dates without me. And..." L hesitated.

"Go on."

"Doing what I used to do – working with the police, solving crimes – it doesn't matter whether you think I should have been doing it or not. I _did_ do it and for almost ten years that's all I ever did. It's what I know. It's about the only thing that's really familiar to me, the only thing I can relate to and understand, and you're surprised that I don't want you to take it away from me? Just because you promised not to force me back into that line of work, Yagami-_san_, that doesn't give you the right to force me _out_ of it."

Soichiro was silent for several seconds. At last he said, "If – _if_ – I brought you in—"

"Yes?" L said swiftly.

"Tell me honestly, Ryuzaki, could you handle it?"

"I've been telling you that for days, Yagami-_san_."

The older man folded his arms, staring at L. "Oh really? Was that before or after you threw my ashtray at my head?"

L's mouth worked for a while but no sound came out.

"That had nothing to do with being on the case," he managed at last.

"Really?" Soichiro wasn't convinced.

"Yes." L rolled back against the couch, hugging his knees to his chest and quirked an eyebrow at Soichiro. "Besides, you need me, Yagami-_san_. You need me, because given what we already know about these killers, you only have a week to find them."

* * *

**AN: **There may be a slightly longer wait for the next chapter, as my mother's coming to visit me for two weeks. Just thought I'd let you guys know :)


	21. Guilt

**Mystery Reviewers: **Well, here you are, one update XD

* * *

**JUNE 18**

L forced his eyes open and looked around groggily.

_Where...what is this place?_

He was in a small room, bare of any furnishings except computer screens and a futon, similar to the arrangement he'd had with Watari. There were no windows and no obvious way out. He supposed the doors must be hidden like those in the old HQ.

_How the hell did I get here?_

_Isn't it obvious? You got complacent. Did it never occur to you that Watari would have sent schematics of that building to Wammy's House, just in case they wanted to use it for themselves? Sato knows where every door, every panel, every trap is. I mean, let's face it; that's why you wanted to rig up those booby traps, isn't it? Only Yagami told you not to and you obeyed him without question like the good little pet you are._

_Shut up!_ L reached out and felt the wall. Cold. Gritty. If there was a hidden door in this part, it was hiding very well. _I'm not anyone's pet! And that's Yagami-san to you!_

_Whatever_. Having divested itself of this brilliant retort, his other mind fell silent.

"Sato?" L's voice echoed eerily. "Where are you?"

No response.

"I know you can hear me. I don't know why you keep wasting your time; there is nothing you can do or say that will convince me to work for you. You might as well let me out."

Nothing.

_You didn't really expect that to work, did you?_ his other mind asked.

L grimaced. No, he hadn't.

_Alright. He's left me these monitors, which means there's something for me to work out. I need to be connected to the internet, otherwise I won't be able to solve any cases. He'll have blocked all access to the Yagami family emails, so who do I know that can help me get a message out to them? More to the point, who do I know that Yagami-san would trust?_

Current NPA members were out, obviously. L doubted that Sato would have shut him off entirely – for all their genius, the field agents of Wammy's House couldn't work without the help of the police – but the man _would_ be monitoring everything that L sent. He could make some sort of coded message, but Sato was no fool and any coded message too difficult or obscure for him to understand would likely be far beyond the understanding of about ninety nine percent of the NPA. Besides, any replies he received would be sent via Sato's inbox. That left ex-NPA members who knew Soichiro, and _that_ left him with Kitamura. There had to be some way he could contact the man.

At that point, the monitors switched off and the room was plunged into blackness. L froze, completely motionless, breath suddenly coming thick and fast in his throat.

_Alright._ Irritating though it may be, his other mind was very good at offering words of comfort and reassurance...although lately when that happened it had started to sound like Soichiro Yagami, and L wasn't quite sure what to make of that. _Alright, listen. You're not underground. You're in a tiny room—okay, maybe the room's underground, but that's different. It's the same as being in a basement. You're safe._

_Safe?_ L's mental answer was little short of a shriek. _I'm completely in Sato's hands, Yagami-san's nowhere to be seen, I've been locked up who knows where and you think that's safe?_

_What I meant was it's not going to cave in on you. You may be locked up but you're not buried alive. I promise._

L grabbed his wrist in his other hand and held it tightly. Watari had never been one for physical comfort and so even as a child, L had learned that if he wanted a comforting hand to hold or one that would pat him on the back and tell him everything was alright, it would have to be his own.

_Yagami-san, where are you?_

_Oh, for—how old are you? Twenty three? Twenty four? And yet the first reaction you have now is to go running to Yagami for protection like some dumb kid! If Watari were still alive, would you be sitting here in the dark whimpering for him instead?_

_No, because if Watari were alive, then Sato wouldn't be coming after me in the first place!_

_True,_ his other mind conceded reluctantly. _Alright. But you don't have to worry too much. For all his faults, you and I both know that Sato isn't the type to go around beating up people for his own pleasure. If you toe the line, you'll be alright._

_Yeah, yeah, do as you're told and you won't get hurt. Tough. I'm not working for him and no matter what he does, that won't change._

A heavy hand landed on L's shoulder and he reacted with lightning precision, whipping around to kick at his assailant. He felt his foot connect with flesh, felt the V-shape of bone that meant he'd landed a hard blow to his attacker's solar plexus. Perfect.

It became somewhat less perfect when L's brain woke up enough to point out to the rest of him that he wasn't in some dark room but safe in his own lounge, and that the vicious, deadly assassin he'd just kicked was Soichiro Yagami.

The world yawned underneath him and he clutched at the couch to stop himself collapsing.

_Did I kill him? Please don't let me have killed him!_

"Yagami-_san_?"

The deputy director lay there motionless and didn't answer, although L's voice had been so small that it was possible Soichiro simply hadn't heard him.

"Yagami-_san_? Are you, um, are you alright?"

_You just kicked him into a wall, you idiot! How could he be alright?_

_I don't care! Just make him be alright. Make him hate me, make him throw me out, make him beat me to a pulp but make him be alright!_

Was that movement? A twitch? L glanced around for a phone, mind still buzzing and disoriented from waking so suddenly out of his nightmare.

Nothing. That was hardly surprising; Watari wouldn't have bothered to install phones, no doubt thinking that anyone who came in would make use of their own cellphones, with the noticeable exception of L, who had never been given one.

_Cellphone_! L scrambled over to the still prostrate Soichiro and dropped to his knees next to him.

"I'm sorry! Yagami-_san_, I didn't—I wasn't trying to—wait, I'll call an ambulance!" L dived into Soichiro's pocket so roughly he felt the fabric tear and pulled out the deputy director's cellphone.

"Ryuzaki..." It was a wheeze, but it was also proof that Soichiro was still alive and pure relief blazed through L, burning away any last feelings of disorientation.

"Yes, it's me, I'll get help, I promise, just hold on!" L opened the phone and started to dial, his hands shaking so badly that he could barely press the keys.

"_No_." Soichiro's voice was hoarse but firm. "No ambulance. I'm alright. Leave it."

Confused but unwilling to defy the older man, L slowly closed the phone and stared at him.

_Told you so. You're his. And whether or not you want to be, whether or not he wants you to be, he found you, he took you in, he helped you and now you've just kicked him into a wall. Nice way to thank him! It's not surprising no one can stand you._

L drew back a few steps, never taking his eyes off Soichiro. "Yagami-_san_? Did I...hurt you?"

"No." Soichiro pushed himself up onto his elbows with what looked like a gargantuan effort, but didn't seem to have the strength to go any further. "Just winded. _Really_ winded."

He managed to get his legs underneath him and moved into a crouching position not too dissimilar to L's, leaning back against the wall. "Where did you learn to kick like that?"

"Capoeira. Naomi Misora told me about it. Then she kicked me down a flight of stairs so I could see how efficient it was for myself and I decided to study it in more detail. Are you sure I didn't rupture any of your internal organs? I kicked you hard enough."

"If you had, I think we'd both know by now."

L dropped down in front of him, mirroring the older man's crouch, although in his case it was such a natural position for him that he managed it a lot more gracefully.

"What about your ribs? Did I break any of your ribs?"

"No. I'm fine."

"Can I get you anything? Coffee—no, wait, I don't have any left. Water? Strawberry _ramune_?" L persisted, although there was enough of his rational side left to hope that Soichiro turned down that last offer; he only had five bottles to last him the rest of the day.

"I'm _fine_, Ryuzaki," Soichiro repeated. "Stop panicking. It's alright. Just calm down."

"How can I calm down when you're dying in my kitchen!"

"I am _not_ dying. Don't be so melodramatic." Soichiro reached up and gripped the kitchen worktop, pulling himself to his feet.

"Did I break your back?"

"For crying out loud, Ryuzaki, you didn't do anything more than knock the wind out of me! Now stop it. You're getting hysterical."

L, who had opened his mouth again – this time to inquire about the state of Soichiro's ventricles – shut it again with a snap.

_He's right. I am getting hysterical. Of course I didn't break his back; he'd never be able to stand up like that if I had. What's the matter with me?_

_You just attacked your handler. That's about the biggest no-no in existence, you know that. Handlers are sacrosanct, to be obeyed without question, _his other mind reminded him, in a voice that was uncomfortably similar to Watari's.

_Yagami-san is not my handler!_

_Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that._

"I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_. I didn't mean to. I've never done anything like this before, not unless you count that time in New York and—" L shut his mouth, but too late.

"What happened in New York?" Soichiro asked.

_Great. Now you've done it_.

L hopped onto the couch and curled up, hugging his knees to his chest, and buried his face in them. Being in his ball had always helped before; it meant there were no crimes, no deaths, nothing but himself. Now, though, it didn't seem to be working. He could feel himself quivering all over, as though he'd overdosed on caffeine.

He didn't know how long he sat there. Probably not as long as it felt. L never could keep track of time when he was in his ball. All he knew was that after what seemed like hours, he felt the seat of the couch dip slightly on his right as Soichiro sat down next to him.

_What's he doing?_

_What do you think, idiot? He's not going to let this drop, and he hasn't been in the NPA all these years without learning how to get information out of people._

_Do you seriously expect me to believe that he's going to break out the thumbscrews?_

_What I think is that you can never say no to him._

_Don't be stupid_, L thought irritably. _I've told him no plenty of times!_

_Yes, I know you've told him no, just like you told Watari several times. The end result was always the same; you cave in. You've got about as much willpower as a chronically depressed jellyfish. If you don't want him to know about New York, you better get out of here right now, because if he asks, you'll tell him._

L curled tighter, trying to bury himself in his knees. _That's not true. I've never told him about Kyoto._

_He's never asked about Kyoto_, his other mind pointed out. _He's let you know that he's curious, but so far he hasn't come right out and said 'Ryuzaki, tell me exactly what happened in Kyoto'._

_No, but Watari did. I never told him, so I'll never tell Yagami-san._

_Fine, except for one thing: you like Yagami-san._

L floundered mentally, trying to come up with a convincing (and suitably withering) retort.

_What's that got to do with anything? I liked Watari as well._

_Yes, because he was the only source of human contact you had outside of Wammy's House and a computer screen. After Kyoto you no longer gave a damn about disappointing Watari, but it would break your heart to disappoint Yagami-san._

_I don't have a heart, _L retorted._ Ask anyone who's met me._

_Brave denial, L – and extremely melodramatic – but we both know that's not quite true. You've become very fond of your new friend._

_He is not my friend! I told you right at the beginning: I'm just using him, that's all. Once I've got everything I can from him, I'll leave._

_Liar_. His other mind's tone was tinged with cool amusement. _You can't leave unless he lets you._

_That's not true!_

_Oh really? Then prove it. He's going to start asking questions about New York any minute now and we can't have that. If you've managed to slip your invisible leash, as you once called it, then get out of here now. He'll let you go, at least for a while; he has to go to work, and that'll give you the rest of the day to find a good hiding place. Or better yet, leave Tokyo completely._

L didn't answer that for a long time. Eventually he said, _I don't want to leave Tokyo_.

_No, what you mean is you don't want to leave Yagami. If he said he was going to Sapporo and wanted you to come, you wouldn't even stop to pack before running to his side._

It was partly his other mind's taunting and partly the desire to avoid any discussion about New York that prompted L to scramble off the couch and bolt for the door. Even with a bad back, he would still have put money on himself to outrun Soichiro, although he was less sure he could do so with a broken rib and a gash in his hip.

He never got the chance to find out, however, as the second his hand made contact with the doorknob, Soichiro said very quietly, "Ryuzaki?"

The young man froze motionless, every muscle in his body so tense he was quivering slightly.

_Aww. Invisible leash getting a little tight, is it? What did I tell you? You're only free in your own mind. You could have kept going and been out the building by now, but no. The second your handler calls your name—_

_Shut up!_

_Face it, you don't have the guts to go anywhere, not if Yagami wants you to stay put. _

L tightened his grip on the doorknob, squeezing it until the edges bit into his palm.

_Alright, firstly I told you it's Yagami-san, and secondly, of course I can leave! I'm just choosing not to. It's got nothing to do with what he wants!_

_Yes it does._ _It was the same with Watari; you were never able to bring yourself to leave if he was in the room. You had to resort to sneaking out in the dead of night. And even then, you were always stupidly faithful enough to keep on trotting back!_

_I wouldn't have done after Kyoto,_ L shot back angrily.

_No, that's true; you wouldn't. But then, Watari was never stupid enough to give you any opportunities for escape after Kyoto. If you weren't locked in your room working, you were under his eye the whole time. The only place he never followed you was the bathroom, and that was only because he knew full well you couldn't get out of there._

A hand touched L's shoulder and he jumped a foot in the air, spinning around to press his back against the door.

"It's alright, Ryuzaki," Soichiro said in the same quiet tone. "It's only me. You know me."

L moistened his lips, swallowing in a painfully dry throat. "You...touched me."

"I touched your shoulder, yes."

"Why?"

The deputy director looked at him for a few minutes. L got the odd feeling that he was trying to think of the right thing to say.

_That's ridiculous. This is Yagami-san we're talking about. He always knows the right thing to say._

At last, Soichiro answered, "What do you mean, why?"

L pressed himself back against the door, barely aware that he was standing erect. At that moment he wanted to get as far away from Soichiro and as close to the door as he could, and if he had to straighten his back to press more of himself against that door, then so be it.

"Yagami-_san_...last time you touched me on the shoulder I kicked you into the _wall_!"

"Yes, I know you did," Soichiro said rather tartly. "I was there at the time. So what?"

L scrutinized the deputy director, still uncertain.

"Aren't you afraid of me?" he said at last.

"No. You were having a nightmare and you lashed out instinctively. Anyone would have done the same. I hate to break it to you, Ryuzaki, but in many ways you're just as normal as the rest of us."

L swallowed hard, Soichiro's words barely registering with him.

"Then...you're angry with me," he stated. Given a choice between anger or fear, he wasn't sure which of the two he would prefer.

"Well, I'd rather you didn't kick me into walls or throw ashtrays at my head, since you ask, but no. I'm not angry."

L was silent for a long time, considering this. It didn't make much sense, but then nothing Soichiro said or did fitted in with what L had been raised to believe.

"Are you going to hit me?" he asked.

"No."

"You can if you want to, Yagami-_san_. I don't mind. It would make us even." Given how torn up he was feeling just then, L thought being punched by Soichiro might actually be something of a relief.

"Some things aren't worth getting even for."

The young man stared at him, mind spinning.

"I don't understand," he said at last.

"I know."

L shoved his hands in his pocket and glared at the deputy director, guilt temporarily giving way to irritation. "Well, if you _know_, then why don't you ever explain things to me?"

"Because—" and L was sure he heard a new note of steel in Soichiro's voice— "you seem so determined to twist or misinterpret everything I tell you that I'm no longer sure _how_ to explain things to you in a way that you'll believe! What's it going to take to convince you that I'm not out to double-cross or control you?"

L dropped his gaze.

"I don't know," he admitted at last, not looking up. "I...that's not something I ever had to think about, Yagami-_san_. I never had to deal with other people before, only Watari. Being controlled is all I know."

"No one was controlling you when you were out on the streets," Soichiro pointed out.

"I know, but no one expected me to live with them either. When you're homeless, you're completely invisible to people unless you upset them. The only one I had to worry about was me. Now I have you and your family around, it's different. And I still haven't forgiven Sachiko for trying to set me up with the stamp monster," L couldn't resist adding, not quite under his breath.

"_Ryuzaki_..."

"Well, honestly! It's not even as if I'd made noises about wanting a girlfriend. And could that girl's mother have _been_ any more obvious?" Raising his voice to a falsetto, he went on. "_Oh, Ryuzaki-san, you know my daughter is such a good cook! And she's very good at keeping the place clean and she has the sweetest nature, and there's no history of any kind of genetic disorders in our family_!"

Soichiro chuckled. "I think you're exaggerating a little."

"I'm not," L retorted. "If you don't believe me, then ask your wife; she was there too. I think even the daughter was embarrassed. I know I would be if someone did that to me. _Don't_ ever do that to me, Yagami-_san,_" he added.

"Your love life is really none of my concern, Ryuzaki." Soichiro regarded him for a few minutes in silence. When L didn't say anything, the deputy director indicated the couch. "Come on. Let's sit down."

_This is it. If you go with him now you might just as well hand your life over to him on a silver platter and have done with it._

_I tried that already, _L reminded his other mind._ He didn't want it._

"Yagami-_san_, there's no time for that," he said aloud. "You'll be late for work and that will make you late for Sayu-_san_'s birthday dinner."

"I'm not going to work."

L stared at him, stunned. "What? Why not?"

"Because if I do, you'll just spend the day by yourself, curled up and tormenting yourself with useless recriminations."

"So you're putting someone else's feelings above catching a group of serial killers? What kind of police officer are you?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Well, at least I've moved up from being your handler."

_That's what you think._

_Shut up!_

"I'll rephrase it then. This is your daughter's birthday, you've taken the day off work, but you're going to spend it with me instead of her? What kind of _father_ are you? Sayu needs you more than I do."

"No, she _wants _me more than you do. You're the one who's racked with guilt right now."

"I'm not racked with _anything_!" L protested.

Soichiro didn't answer that, just looked at L with raised eyebrows.

_Wonderful. You can't even fool a single detective anymore. What's wrong with you?_

_Of course I can fool a detective, just..._

_...not if he's Yagami-san?_

"Yagami-_san—_" L began, then stopped.

"Yes?" Soichiro said after L had been silent for several seconds.

L's mouth opened and closed once, then he blurted, "I just kicked you into the _wall_!"

_Wonderful. He's starting to like us again and you have to go and remind him of that. Nice going._

The young man ignored this and went on. "Isn't—I mean, wasn't—I mean...didn't it _hurt_?"

"Yes." Still that same even tone, and L wasn't sure how to proceed from here. This was worse than any kind of recrimination Soichiro could have dished out.

_Do you think this is a trick? _he asked silently.

_No, I doubt it. He's impossible to understand or predict, but from what we've seen so far, I really don't think he's the kind of person to play mind games._

"Why aren't you angry with me then?"

Soichiro shrugged. "It was an accident."

"No it wasn't. You can't accidentally kick someone across a room."

_Will you PLEASE shut up!_

"You didn't kick me; you kicked whoever you thought I was." As L watched, ignoring his other mind with a superhuman effort, Soichiro reached out and massaged his chest gingerly. "Who _did_ you think I was?"

"I..." L began, then broke off and shook his head. The nightmare was already fading into a kaleidoscope of images, none making much sense. "I don't really remember, Yagami-_san_. I just know I was having a nightmare and I thought you grabbing me by the shoulder was part of it. Are you sure you're alright? Because I don't mind calling an ambulance for you."

"I'm _fine_, Ryuzaki. Really. You just knocked the wind out of me, that's all, though it's probably a good thing you weren't wearing your sneakers."

"Do you want painkillers? No, wait, I don't have any painkillers." L paused for a second or two, then said, "Do you want me to _buy_ you some painkillers?"

Soichiro settled himself a little further back among the cushions, which took some doing. L loved cushions and he'd gone on a foraging trip through all the rooms shortly after moving in, collecting any he liked the look of and arranging them in little nests on his couch and on the beds and in one corner, just in case he fancied curling up on the floor for a change.

"What I want you to do, Ryuzaki, is to calm down and stop panicking. I already told you, I'm fine."

"Yeah, but I've told _you_ that plenty of times and it wasn't true. How do I know you're not doing the same thing?"

The deputy director turned around in his cushions enough to give him a long look. He was moving a little slower than usual, but beyond that L couldn't see anything obviously wrong with him.

"That's a very easy one. Unlike you, I'm not a liar."

The barb hit home and stuck. L wilted, then clambered onto the couch and into his own nest of cushions, grabbing one of the larger ones and bringing it around in front of his knees, hugging it to him.

"I don't lie _all_ the time, Yagami-_san_. Only when I'm scared. Or to stop people taking me into hospital when I don't want to go!"

"It doesn't matter _why_ you do it; you shouldn't do it at all."

L returned Soichiro's look with a flat one of his own. "Right. Okay. Lies are bad, I understand that. Thank you for correcting my behavior. Oh, and while we're on the subject of correction, what happened to Light-_kun_ again? Because your wife and daughter seem to think he was murdered by Kira for some strange reason. I mean, I'm sure _you_ couldn't have had anything to do with that, since you hate lying _so much—_"

"I get the point, Ryuzaki, and that's not the same thing at all! The reason I said...what I said, was because losing Light would be hard enough for Sachiko and Sayu. I lied because I didn't want them to be hurt."

There was no way L was going to let that one go so easily. "Well, _I_ lie because I don't want _me_ to be hurt. Why is it alright for you to protect your family, but not for me to protect myself?"

"How is refusing to go into hospital when you have an infected injury that needs immediate treatment _protecting yourself_?"

L shifted from foot to foot on the couch, staring down at his knees, then buried the lower part of his face in his arms and mumbled, "Just _is_."

_Congratulations. You just won first prize for Lamest Answer Ever._

_Maybe you'd like to try explaining it to him!_

"I see." Soichiro didn't sound convinced. L could hardly blame him. "On that subject, given your unexpected little martial arts display, how _is_ your hip?"

The young man glanced up quickly, pasting a reassuring smile on his face. "Oh, it's—"

"Don't say _fine_."

"—great," L finished, not missing a beat. Evidently his reassuring smile needed a little work. He'd have to spend some more time in front of the mirror.

"Show me."

The young man hopped off the couch and took a step back, away from Soichiro. "What, now? Suppose someone comes in?"

"There's no one in this building who'll come to see you without knocking on your door first, Ryuzaki. I want to make sure you haven't pulled your stitches. That was quite a move you just did."

L turned away and had a quick look. To his relief – and amazement – the stitches were still holding. Facing Soichiro again, he said, "It's fine, Yagami-_san_."

"Mm. Well, I'd like to see for myself."

The detective drew back a few more paces. "You'll see it this evening when you come to pour that damn disinfectant on it."

"_You_ were the one who begged to treat it with that damn disinfectant, Ryuzaki," Soichiro pointed out.

"And _you_ were the one who said you trusted me a few minutes ago," L retorted. "What's changed since then? Or do you just trust me to be too domesticated to attack my handler again?"

The deputy director folded his arms, staring hard at him. "I'm _not_ your handler."

"So you keep saying!"

"If you're too stubborn to admit that you're wrong, that's your problem."

"Yeah, it's my problem!" Residue from the nightmare and guilt over what had just happened shot through L, turning his mind to fire. "It's my problem that _you_ think you know everything about me, it's my problem that you won't let me go, it's my problem that you expect me to be able to read your mind. Everything about this is _my problem_." L dropped onto his knees on the carpet and curled up into his ball, suddenly too drained to stand. "Why do you keep doing this to me, Yagami-_san_? I told you back in your office that I'm too tired to fight you anymore, so why do you keep making me?"

The silence between them was absolute and lasted a very long time. At last Soichiro said very quietly, "Ryuzaki, what do you want from me?"

L raised a haggard face to Soichiro. "_Me_?"

"You were the one who contacted me, remember?"

"Yes, and if I'd known what you were going to do to me, I would have stayed in Aomori to die. I wish I'd never sent you that goddamn email! Why couldn't you have left me _alone_? That's all I wanted from you. That's all I've ever wanted from anybody; leave me alone and solve your problems yourself!"

"I've _never_ asked you to solve my problems for me." There was a sharp note in Soichiro's voice. "Nor have I ever asked you to get involved in this murder case. In fact, there have been times when I've practically had to fight you off. On the one hand you tell me you don't want to investigate any more cases, yet on the other you're doing everything in your power to persuade me to bring you on board this latest one. Do you see why I'm feeling a little confused?"

L kept quiet. There wasn't anything he could say in any case.

"On a more serious note, these explosions of yours are getting worse."

The young man just nodded. He didn't have the strength to argue the point. Besides, Soichiro was right.

"I didn't attack you because I was angry," he said instead.

"No, I know you didn't. But you need to do something about them."

"It's fine, Yagami-_san_."

Soichiro sighed. "Ryuzaki, tell me honestly: how stupid do you think I am?"

The young man opened his mouth, hesitated as he weighed up his options, then said, "Um...you did say _honestly_, didn't you?"

"Well, I suppose that answers that question," Soichiro said, not without a certain amount of bite.

L cringed. "I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_. But you did ask me. And you keep telling me how much you hate me lying to you. How am I supposed to know whether you want me to or not? _Especially_ when you ask me to be honest about it. You're not the only one who's confused around here!"

Something softened a little in the older man's face at that and he answered, "No, I suppose not. But we need to talk, Ryuzaki. Or rather, _you_ need to talk. Tell me what happened in New York."

Biting his lip, not looking at Soichiro, L shook his head slowly.

"Why not?" When there was no answer, the deputy director sighed. "I see. You don't trust me. Even after everything that's happened, you still think I'm your enemy."

"It's got nothing to _do_ with trust!" L erupted. He could feel the fire churning inside him and shut his mouth hard. There was no way he was going to risk yelling at Soichiro a second time. Once he was certain he had himself under tight control, he went on in a strained voice. "Did it never occur to you that the only reason I won't talk to you about these things is because it _hurts_? That there are things I've seen and done that I just want to bury deep down inside me and forget about? That I don't want _anyone_ knowing about, especially you?"

"Yes it has," Soichiro answered simply.

"Then why won't you respect that and leave me _alone_? How am I supposed to bury things when you keep sniffing around me and trying to dig them back up like some damn dog?"

"Because, Ryuzaki, did it ever occur to _you_ that I know a little more about this kind of thing than you do?"

L didn't respond to this and Soichiro sighed. "Alright. If you won't tell me about New York, then will you tell me about Blue Ship?"

The young man glanced up at Soichiro, taken aback. He hadn't expected the deputy director to have that level of knowledge. The authorities or Wammy's House (privately, he suspected the latter, due to K's involvement) had hushed up the whole thing and kept it out of the press.

_Don't wonder; just go with it. Blue Ship's safe to talk about. You still have nightmares about it, but no worse than the ones you got from your cases when Watari was in control._

"Where did you hear about them?" he asked.

"Your little expose on Sato. The reporter gave some background information on L. She said that you hadn't been seen or heard from since the Blue Ship incident, which was something to do with ecoterrorism, but that's all I know."

"Oh." L was silent, mind going back to that case. It had been a nasty one, even by his standards, although a small part of him had reveled in the simple joy of being outside so much. He'd even got to fly a plane. Well...taxi a plane. Well, alright then; run up to the cockpit, jump into the pilot's seat and slam the plane's brakes on before it crashed into the airport terminal if you wanted to be _picky_ about it, but _he'd_ been the one to do it, not some agent who could end up getting killed on his behalf. "There's not much to tell, Yagami-_san_. Blue Ship were an ecoterrorist group, you're right about that. They developed a virus with an extremely high communicability rate and one hundred percent fatality. Like most ecoterrorists, they were planning to wipe out most of humanity and they planned to use this virus to do it." L considered, remembering. "Or sell it to the highest bidder. I'm not entirely sure which, and I don't think they were either."

"What kind of a virus?"

"A nasty one. I never analyzed it under a microscope, but judging from the symptoms, I would say it was some kind of hemotoxin, or very similar." When Soichiro glanced at him, L shrugged, staring at his feet. "Well, I'm a detective, not a virologist. K was very heavily involved in Blue Ship; she was the one who helped to develop that virus in the first place. She murdered the scientist and the guy's daughter Maki somehow found her way to me. We ended up heading all over Japan trying to stop K."

He shifted his gaze to the deputy director's face, waiting for the penny to drop.

"K?" Soichiro echoed. "Then..."

"Yes. She came out of Wammy's House and vanished. Her handler was found dead, and it looked like he'd died so slowly and so painfully that the House hesitated to send anyone after her. Watari tried to make me track her down, but I refused."

"Why?"

L shrugged again, looking back down at the floor. He was getting to know his toes very well by now.

"I don't know. I think...maybe I thought she deserved to be free. I was only fourteen at the time and I'd just finished a particularly bad case."

"And Wammy's House never mentioned K to anyone? Even when Blue Ship was active?"

"How often do you mention Light-_kun, _Yagami-_san_? When someone so close to you goes so bad, you don't want to bring it up or dwell on it. The police don't want to admit there's corruption within their ranks, even though there probably is. You don't want to think about the fact that your son turned out the way he did. Wammy's House doesn't want to think that two of its children grew up to be even _worse_ than your son. At least Light-_kun_ started out with good intentions." L stared at the opposite wall, lost in thought. He hadn't yet returned to the large foyer where Light had died. He wasn't entirely sure if Soichiro had been able to either. "I got the antidote to the people on the plane, saved them all and stopped the plane from crashing into the main airport. K was arrested and is still in jail, and Suruga – that's this FBI agent who showed up, ostensibly to try and help out, in reality to seize the Death Note which I'd already burned – went back to the FBI."

Both of them sat there in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts.

"What happened to Maki?" Soichiro asked at last.

Coming out of his reverie with a start, L glanced at him. "She was taken in by someone in Osaka. I don't know who; a relative, I assume. When I knew I wasn't going to die, I tracked her down and stood outside her school one day, watching her coming and going. She seemed happy and settled and she didn't see me standing in the shadows, so there didn't seem much point my barreling in and raking up the past, you know? I just wanted to make sure she was alright. She was, and she didn't need me anymore, so I left her to her life and went on with mine."

"What would you have done if she hadn't been fine?" Soichiro wanted to know.

L rolled his head back on his neck, staring at the ceiling as he considered this.

"I don't know. I guess...we would have worked something out. Maki's a good kid." Talking about this had a strange effect; L was now feeling a little more relaxed and clear headed than he had before.

_You never know. Maybe Yagami-san's right. Maybe there is something to this heart-to-heart business._

_Right. So when do you recommend I sit down and have a nice, cozy chat with him about Kyoto? Or New York? Even if I did, how long do you think I'd have before he threw me out the apartment complex? To the nearest second, say?_

_Well, in the first place, he can't throw you out of this complex since he doesn't own it, so you're safe on that score. And you told him about being buried alive as a kid and he didn't freak out._

_Whose side are you on? You were taunting me about being completely at his beck and call not half an hour ago!_

"Ryuzaki?" Soichiro asked with what might have been a touch of humor. "I'm sorry to interrupt the two of you, but have you calmed down enough to listen to me?"

L felt himself go bright red while his other mind snickered in the background, then he nodded.

"Alright. The reason I came here in the first place was to see if you were going to take Sachiko and Sayu on that tour."

_Oh great. I'd forgotten all about that._

"Well, I suppose I'll have to do it sometime," L muttered. "Yagami-_san_?"

"Yes?"

"How long do we have to stay here? I mean, when does the police protection run out?"

"It doesn't. And we'll stay here until whoever's behind these murders is caught. Why? Do you miss our old house?"

L shrugged. It wasn't the house he missed – and he certainly didn't miss sleeping on the couch – but there had been something about the Yagamis' home that was, well, home-y. He missed being able to watch late-night TV (alright, he could always do that here, but it wasn't the same). More than that, he missed the odd but not unpleasant sensation of being part of something, even if it was only a very tentative part. An apartment wasn't the same as a house, somehow.

_You just keep dreaming, L. What makes you think they'll be taking you back with them when they leave here, anyway?_

"At any rate," Soichiro went on, "we'll be staying here long enough to learn about those secret doors you have."

"Do you think you're in danger here?" L didn't bother including himself in that question; as far as he was concerned, now that Sato was back on the scene, he was in danger anywhere.

The deputy director shrugged. "I've no idea. Probably not, but why take a chance? I'd like you to take Sachiko and Sayu around today, just in case." He got to his feet, managing to extricate himself from the cushions on the second attempt. "I'll go and let them know."

By the time Sachiko and Sayu knocked on his door some twenty minutes later, L had calmed down completely and even managed to greet Sayu with a smile (or at least a close approximation) and a terse nod to Sachiko. The memory of that lunch with her friend was still too fresh in L's mind for him to be more than frostily polite to her.

"I take it Yagami-_san_ told you what we'd be doing?" he said, aiming his gaze somewhere between mother and daughter.

Sayu nodded. "Yes. Dad already showed us the secret doors in our apartment."

Good. That was one less chore L would have to perform at any rate.

"Alright. I can't show you all the others because it would take too long and I doubt you'd need to use more than about three of them in any case, but I'll show you the closest. Follow me."

He led them off at a brisk pace, one that would allow Sachiko and Sayu to keep up but would hopefully discourage any attempt at friendly conversation. Whether it did so or whether he was just giving off extra-prickly vibes, L never knew, but it worked; none of them spoke until they were in another apartment and he showed them a refrigerator that not only worked perfectly but if you pushed down on the shelf, would swing the entire appliance forward on a section of the wall and allow you to sneak through into the corridor beyond.

"Does it open from the other side?" Sachiko asked.

"That one does, if you know where to push. However, this one—" L headed over to the bathroom and pushed one of the wall tiles. A groaning, clanking sound emanated from the other side as the entire wall rose into the ceiling, revealing a very narrow, steep set of stairs— "can only be opened from this side," L finished. "That doesn't mean someone couldn't follow you, just that they couldn't use it to sneak up on you."

"Amazing!" Sayu stared at it, jaw hanging. "But...how..."

"The width of the building doesn't correspond to the width of the living spaces inside. If you measured it and did the calculations, you would see that this apartment should, in total, be thirty meters wide. Instead, it's only twenty eight." L pulled the bathroom mirror off the wall, opened the hidden safe behind it, pushed a series of buttons on the panel inside too fast for either Sachiko or Sayu to follow and replaced the mirror as the bathroom wall descended again. "Simple."

He turned and strode out, not bothering to check whether Soichiro's wife and daughter were following him.

"Ryuzaki-_san_..." Sachiko began.

L stopped and glanced over his shoulder. "What is it? Do you need me to go over it again?"

He hoped the answer was _no_; there were very few things L hated more than having to repeat himself.

"No. No, it's fine, but—"

"Good." L turned away and kept moving. This time Sachiko hurried forward and put a hand on his arm.

"Ryuzaki-_san_, I just want—"

"Please be so kind as to remove your hand from my person, Sachiko-_san_." L's voice was very soft and he didn't turn to look at her. "I believe your husband may have mentioned this; I don't like to be handled."

_You do when it's Yagami-san doing it. You enjoyed snuggling up to him before, didn't you? Feeling all warm and safe and cared for—_

_Shut up. _

"If you would—" Sachiko began again.

L's head swiveled to face her. He didn't know what kind of expression he was wearing at that moment, but from the way Sachiko's voice faltered, it wasn't a good one.

"I asked you to take your hand off me," he said in a monotone.

Sachiko obliged, stepping away. "I'm sorry. I forgot how Keiko is about her daughter."

"Her daughter is—" L bit down on the words _boring as hell_ and settled for— "not my type. To be honest, and since you already brought it up, I don't know what you were thinking, trying to set me up with someone." He paused for effect and then ruined it by saying something so crazy, so monumentally _stupid_, that even in the years to come he'd wonder what the hell had got into him. "Did it never occur to you, Sachiko-_san_, that I already _had_ someone?"

"You have a girlfriend?" Sayu's eyes danced. "Where is she? Why didn't she come to Tokyo with you?"

L abruptly drew to a halt and stared at Sachiko and Sayu with a mask of ice.

"I said I _had _someone. Past tense. She died about four years ago." His voice was harsher than even he'd ever heard it, with no trace of its usual controlled softness. A small part of him felt a kind of savage satisfaction at the speed with which both mother and daughter stopped smiling.

"Ryuzaki, I—" Sachiko began, reaching out.

L knocked her hand aside, furious not at Sachiko so much as himself for revealing what he hadn't even felt ready to talk to Soichiro about. For a few seconds he stood there, staring at them both, then abruptly he wheeled around and strode over to the wall. He hadn't shown anyone this secret door, purely because he hadn't considered it necessary – it led right back the way they'd come and wouldn't buy you more than a few seconds if that – but that was good; it meant they would find it harder to follow him.

He tripped the switch (this one was under the edge of the worktop) and a section of the wall clicked open. It was less impressive than the secret passage in and out of the bathroom, but it would do very nicely for his purposes.

"Ryuzaki—" This time it was Sayu who started toward him.

L didn't wait around to hear what else Soichiro's daughter had to say to him. Instead he stalked through the newly opened wall, pausing briefly on the other side to push the button that closed it up again.

The secret door slammed shut behind him and he was gone.


	22. Rooftop Gambit

**The Obscure: **Thanks XD And one additional chapter, as ordered ;)

**soysauce: **Thanks :)

**LLR: **Heh, thanks :D I'll certainly do my best :)

* * *

**JUNE 18 – 19**

"_Dad_!"

Soichiro, who had gone into the office after all if only to show willing (despite the fact that there were no new developments) barely had time to blink before Sayu grabbed him and hauled him inside the apartment.

Soichiro started to ask what had happened, but halfway through the question he noticed his family's distressed expressions and changed this to, "Where's Ryuzaki?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry. It's all my fault; I said something to him, I didn't mean to upset him, but I _did_ and now he's gone!"

"Gone?" Soichiro echoed. "What do you mean, gone?"

"He's disappeared! I tried knocking on his door but there was no answer and so I—" Sayu colored a little— "I used the secret passages. I wasn't trying to sneak around or spy on him, I just wanted to tell him I was sorry. He wasn't in his apartment. Not only that, he's cleared the place out and..." She broke off.

"And?" Soichiro pressed.

Sayu looked away. "I think you should see this."

With a heavy heart, Soichiro followed his daughter to L's apartment. He had a very good idea what he was about to find and as soon as Sayu opened the door, he saw he was right.

The apartment hadn't just been wrecked; it had been devastated. Apparently not satisfied with ripping the curtains down (and then ripping them up) L had gone on a rampage. Everything that could be broken or smashed had been, from the TV to every single plate, glass and mug in the apartment. L hadn't been able to do much in the way of damaging the couch or coffee table – maybe he hadn't wanted to risk having a knife in his hand – but he'd turned them over, and a quick glance into his room revealed that the bed had suffered the same fate. The windows were still intact, but if the scuff marks on them were anything to go by, this wasn't for lack of trying on L's part.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. He just walked away and when we got back it was like this. He's taken his clothes, everything. I don't know where he's gone, but I don't think he plans to come back. Dad, I'm sorry, I just—"

"It's not your fault, Sayu," Soichiro interrupted, staring around at the destruction surrounding them.

_I should have waited_. He'd known how agitated L had been; it would have been far better to let him have the rest of the day to calm down and get himself under control instead of slinging him into a social situation like this one. He remembered earlier, how L had bolted for the door. It had been a definite bolt, there was no doubt in his mind about that; the young man's mind had been centered on one thing and one thing only: escape.

_Yeah, he's not trying to fight you or argue with you anymore; he's just trying to get as far away from you as he possibly can. Isn't that great?_

_He stopped when I called his name._

_But he didn't want to._

Soichiro fell silent, or as silent as you can ever be inside your own mind. He could still see the look L had turned on him, a look so fleeting that he doubted even L himself had been aware of it. There had been nothing in that look but hate and despair, the expression of someone who knows they can't escape their tormentor no matter how much they may want to. If L had ever looked at Watari like that, Soichiro didn't know how the old man could have lived with himself.

_Watari_.

L had spent...how long? Ten years completely brainwashed into depending on that old man for everything, even his own opinions, to say nothing of the five years' conditioning he would have undergone at Wammy's House.

_Yeah. He may not want you for a handler any more than you want to be one, but fifteen years of that kind of indoctrination isn't something that can be broken that easily. Much as he fights against it, a part of him sees you as his handler and he hates himself for it but I don't think he knows how to get around it and that's why he exploded. He doesn't trust anyone, you should know that by now._

Except L did trust him, at least a little. The young man had refused point blank to show Sachiko his injured hand when Sayu was attacked, yet he'd shown Soichiro with only the minimum of persuasion. He'd also gone from threatening to kick Soichiro's head in whenever the deputy director made physical contact to allowing it, although the older man suspected that L would never permit Sachiko or Sayu to handle him so freely.

_That's not trust,_ a nasty voice inside him murmured. _That's submission. He didn't do those things because he trusted you; he did them because he believed he had no choice in the matter. His handler gave him a command, so he had to obey, regardless of whether he wanted to or not._

_Oh really? _Soichiro didn't even hesitate. _Then what about all the times he's gone out of his way to talk to me? A lot of what he told me, he brought up himself. I never ordered him to grab my wrist and beg me to stay with him on that bad day, and I've never ordered him to curl up and lean into me for comfort either. What's that if not trust?_

The little voice fell silent. Good riddance. Soichiro sat down, deep in thought as he tried to work out where to start searching. He wasn't afraid for L in the same way he would have been afraid for Sayu if she'd gone missing. But he _was_ afraid that the young man was so wired that he'd end up exploding at some innocent passer-by and spending the night in a cell somewhere.

"Have you asked Matsuda or Aizawa?"

Sayu nodded. "Yes, but they haven't seen him either. Matsuda-_san_ said he'd help look when he got a minute, but then he got a call from his ex and I think it slipped his mind."

That sounded about right. Soichiro doubted L would have gone to Aizawa – there was no love lost between either of them, although he also doubted that Aizawa would have turned the young man away – but at least now both men knew that L was missing.

"What do you want to do about tonight?"

Sayu looked down. "I don't know. It doesn't seem right somehow, going out for a nice meal when Ryuzaki is this upset. I'd rather wait. He came back though; he left this."

She held out a carrier bag for Soichiro's inspection. Nonplussed, the deputy director took it and looked inside.

A book. Not just any book; this one was fully eight centimeters thick and according to the blurb, covered four generations of a family during the Joumon period and Soichiro instantly decided he was going to borrow it as soon as Sayu was finished. There was a scribbled note in the flyleaf.

_Sayu-san_

_With best wishes on your birthday,_

_Ryuzaki_

"When did he give you this?"

"He didn't. I just opened the door to ask Aizawa-_san_ if he'd seen him and the bag was outside. I almost tripped over it. Dad, where _is _he?"

Soichiro shook his head slowly. "I don't know, Sayu. I haven't seen him since this morning. I'm sure he'll come back."

Sayu bit her lip. "Are you?"

No, Soichiro wasn't. L had money, all his belongings...he could go anywhere in Japan he pleased.

_And just where will he go? Back to Aomori_?

The deputy director considered this idea, then tossed it aside. It made a certain kind of sense – if L didn't know anything about himself beyond his name and home prefecture, it was possible he'd want to find out more – but something about it didn't ring true. Soichiro had done a little digging on his own account and discovered that L did still have family in Aomori, but he wasn't entirely sure how to go about broaching the subject. Mentioning L's family was almost guaranteed to provoke an explosion.

_Alright then; where?_

Osaka...no. Soichiro doubted L would have gone back there, not all the time Sato was still out and about. Unfortunately, that didn't narrow it down, and some nagging little thought at the back of his head said he was approaching this all wrong, that L wasn't far away.

Dinner that night was a very subdued affair, quite different to the one Soichiro had envisioned for his daughter. L's absence hung over the family like a cloud.

At nine o'clock, Sayu went to bed with her new book.

At ten, Sachiko followed her daughter's example.

Soichiro stayed up, smoking and staring into space. He refused to believe that L was gone for good, that the young man wasn't going to sneak back in at some ungodly hour.

One o'clock came and went, then two and three, and L didn't return. The pile of cigarette butts in Soichiro's ashtray grew larger and larger until the deputy director finally stopped smoking at a quarter past four. He sat there, reliving every conversation he'd had with L in an effort to pick out something – anything – that would tell him where the young man might have gone.

At five past six, he sat bolt upright, staring into space.

_Of course!_

Why hadn't he thought of it before? L had even told him how much he liked climbing mountains. There weren't any in Tokyo city, of course, but there was the next best thing. And nobody had actually seen L leave...

Soichiro got to his feet, grabbed his coat and hurried out of the door, heading for the elevator.

When he got there, the first thing he noticed was the newly scrawled sign reading _Out of Order_. Since the handwriting was L's, Soichiro didn't take this too seriously; he walked up, pushed the call button and waited.

Nothing. There wasn't even the little rim of light to tell him that the elevator was on its way.

Soichiro waited five minutes, just in case the bulb in the call button needed changing or some equally simple explanation, then sighed and headed for the stairs. It looked like L had shut down the elevator somehow.

_Nice try, but you're going to have to do a lot more than that if you want to discourage me._

Fourteen flights later, Soichiro paused and leaned against the wall, breathing rapidly. Even though he was physically fit, this was a workout and a half by anyone's standards.

_And another six flights to go. Ryuzaki, you better be up there after all this._

The deputy director took a long, deep breath, then started up the stairs again.

By the time he reached the top floor, he was gasping for breath and had to stop for another, longer rest. Once he had his breath back, he pushed open the door leading to the rooftop terrace, stepped outside and got soaked.

_Wonderful. When did it start raining? _Not just any rain either; this was rain with a vengeance, the kind that drenched and half-blinded you simultaneously.

As far as Soichiro could make out, the rooftop terrace was an open space, with only a single metal railing around the edge and nothing in the way of decorations beyond a few sheltered spaces with benches that put Soichiro more in mind of bus stops than any kind of relaxing seats.

_Still, you could turn this into a nice little garden_, he thought randomly. It was probably a good thing Sachiko hadn't come up here, otherwise she'd have been down the garden center spending tens of thousands on potted plants and garden furniture.

Soichiro stared around, squinting a little against the rain, and his heart dropped as he saw L perching on the railing, with nothing between him and the street below.

The deputy director moved up as noisily as he could, not wanting to startle L by suddenly appearing next to him. He didn't believe for one minute that the young man was suicidal, but that railing had to be slippery and if he took L by surprise...no. Soichiro didn't want to think about that.

He'd got about halfway across the terrace when L spoke.

"Go _away_, Yagami-_san_."

"No," Soichiro said simply. "Not until I get some kind of explanation for what happened yesterday."

"You're not my handler. I don't have to explain _anything_ to you."

The older man moved a little closer, something inside him loosening. If L really had been planning to jump, he would have threatened it or done it the second Soichiro refused to leave.

"No, I'm not your handler, Ryuzaki. But I am your friend."

"Wrong." L didn't look around. "I told you before, Yagami-_san_: we're not friends. If you're too stupid to believe me, that's your problem."

Soichiro regarded him for a few seconds, then said in a very quiet voice, "They really hurt you, didn't they? Sachiko and Sayu?"

"What do _you_ think?"

The deputy director glanced over the edge. "I think if I were in your position, Ryuzaki, and if I were as young and feeling as confused and overwhelmed as you _and _someone had just raked up a very nasty incident in my past, I'd be about half a centimeter away from throwing myself off this railing right about now." He paused, wondering how best to express what was on his mind, then settled for saying, "Thank you."

L snorted. "For what?"

"For having the maturity and self-restraint to walk away instead of losing your temper with my family."

A lot of the darkness went out of L's eyes then, to be replaced by a more haunted expression.

"I had to. I...couldn't lose my temper, Yagami-_san_. When that happens, people get hurt, and whatever you think of me, I was telling you the truth when I said I would never hurt you or your family."

"What I think, Ryuzaki, is that you are a very damaged, very angry and very confused young man. None of that's your fault; it's just the way things panned out for you."

"Damaged?" L echoed. Instead of the bitterness Soichiro had expected, the young man's tone was pensive, even hopeful. "But...things that are damaged can be repaired, can't they?"

"Yes."

L was silent. At last he said, "Does that mean you can make me normal after all?"

"You mean brainwash you into becoming some dull, boring machine? No. Even if I could, I wouldn't."

"So you're happy for me to remain damaged? Don't you care what I want at _all_?"

"I didn't say that. I just wish you'd relax a little more. You know nobody's going to jump on you for behaving a certain way."

"_You_ jump on me all the time," L retorted.

"I jump on you whenever you do something that's considered bad manners, yes. Being different doesn't give you the right to be _rude_. What on earth did my wife and daughter say to you that got you this upset?"

The young man tightened his lips and turned to stare out at the panorama of Tokyo in a cold silence before replying, "You know what they said, Yagami-_san_."

"No I don't. Sachiko's frantic because you've disappeared, Sayu was in tears yesterday because she thinks it's all her fault, they're both racked with guilt and tormenting themselves with visions of you sobbing your heart out somewhere and I can't get any sense out of _anybody_!"

"That must have made for an interesting meal at the restaurant last night," L observed.

"The—" Soichiro stared at him. "You don't really think the three of us would go off and have a good time when you were missing, do you? I canceled the booking. Sayu doesn't want to go until you're in a position to come with us."

L shifted his weight, causing Soichiro's heart to skip a few beats until the young man resettled himself.

"I told you I don't want to come."

"Then you don't have to. But there's a difference between us going off while you stay curled up at home with a book or a movie, and us going off while you're on the missing list. We'd only have spent the entire meal worrying or wondering if you'd come home yet."

There was a long, long silence. Then L said in a quieter tone, "I'm sorry I spoiled Sayu-_san_'s birthday, Yagami-_san_. That really wasn't my intention. I didn't think it would bother her as much as that."

"Then you don't know her very well. Ryuzaki, will you please come down off that balcony so that my heart rate can get back to normal?"

The young man scrutinized him through unreadable eyes. "Believe it or not, Yagami-_san_, I didn't climb up here to throw myself off."

"I know that. I just don't want you to fall!"

L continued to stare at him without budging. "I'm fine."

"Right. Yes. You're so fine that you've been hiding out here in the rain all night," Soichiro retorted.

"I was _not_ hiding, Yagami-_san_, and I have no intention of committing suicide," L countered. "Now why don't you do us both a favor and leave me alone? Go spend some time with your perfect family."

Soichiro shook his head. "I'm not leaving this terrace without you, Ryuzaki, even if I have to stand out here for the next week."

L pivoted in sudden anger, and slipped. Soichiro had one glimpse of the abrupt fury on L's face giving way just as abruptly to shock before the young man tumbled backward off the railing.

For the rest of his life, Soichiro would swear that he never moved as fast as he did at that moment. Somehow he managed to seize the tip of L's hand and lunged forward, scrabbling for a firmer hold on his wrist, his t-shirt, his hair, _anything _to stop him falling.

L swore viciously, not because of the older man's interference so much as because the hand that Soichiro had grabbed happened to be the one with two broken knuckles. Kicking futilely at the air, he managed to grip the older man's wrist with his other hand and hang on, feet scrabbling for a purchase on the slick building as Soichiro hauled him back up. He'd got about three quarters of the way when Soichiro's own footing slipped on the wet concrete and L dropped another eighteen inches.

Without thinking about it, the deputy director hurled himself backward, trusting gravity to finish the job for him. It worked, more or less; he fell back (cracking his head hard on the concrete floor in the process) and his weight was enough to tip the balance and haul the young man back over the railing to safety.

L struggled to his feet, Soichiro bare seconds behind him, darts of pain shooting through his head where he hit it on the floor. Grabbing hold of L's wrist, he spun him around to face him and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him.

"Ryuzaki, don't you ever, _ever_ scare me like that again!"

L waited until the shaking had stopped and Soichiro had released him before answering, "Why would it scare _you_, Yagami-_san_? I was the one who went over." The tremor in his voice and fading look of panic in his eye indicated that it wasn't an experience he particularly wanted to repeat.

"You stubborn, idiotic, _exasperating_..." Soichiro choked on what he was about to say, seized L and yanked him forward into a tight hug. The hell with self-restraint and respecting personal boundaries; he needed some kind of physical contact just then even if L didn't. Needed to reassure himself that the young man really was still alive.

To his surprise, L returned the hug with a strength that verged on desperation, clinging to Soichiro so tightly that the older man felt his ribs creak.

"Help me." L's voice was almost inaudible. "Please."

Soichiro shook his head and answered in an equally quiet voice, "I can't. Not until you tell me what's wrong."

"No, I mean...aren't there pills or something I could take?"

"To make you be like everyone else?" Soichiro asked, one eyebrow raised.

"To make me safe. Yagami-_san_, the next person I kick into a wall might be Sachiko, or Sayu. Or even Matsuda."

The deputy director raised his eyebrows. "How is that possible? I caught you off guard. You panicked. I don't see you as the kind of person who goes around beating up people for kicks, Ryuzaki."

L was silent, although he didn't let go of Soichiro.

"You know, we're both getting soaked out here. Why don't we go back inside?"

The suddenly tense muscles under Soichiro's hand gave him his answer and he suppressed a sigh. "Alright, we can stay out here if you'd rather. But let's at least make use of one of these shelters."

This seemed an acceptable compromise to L; the tension left his body and he accompanied Soichiro willingly under the nearest shelter, hopping up onto the bench next to the older man.

"Yagami-_san_, I..." he began in a hoarser tone than usual (Soichiro wasn't certain whether that was down to emotion or L's sitting out here in the rain all night) then stopped and coughed a few times.

"Here." Soichiro stood up and took off his coat, handing it to L. "You must be freezing."

"I'll warm up soon enough, Yagami-_san_. This is Tokyo, after all."

"Right. Well, in the meantime, it can't hurt to stop yourself getting any colder."

L reached out, then hesitated and drew his hand back a little. "What about you?"

"I'm not the one who's been sitting out here in the rain all night. Now go on; take it."

The young man took it and pulled it on, wrapping it tightly around himself. "Thank you, Yagami-_san._"

"What were you doing out here?"

"Looking at the stars, until the rain came."

"You've been perching on that rail and staring at the sky for _over twelve hours_?"

"I like the sky, Yagami-_san_. It's always changing. Different cloud shapes, colors, patterns..." A small smile appeared on L's face. "I suppose an amateur psychologist would say that that's why my favorite colors are blue and white, because they symbolize what I was always trying to get a glimpse of. I was never allowed to go out and see the sky for myself, so I tried to bring it to me. Personally I think that's nonsense."

Soichiro leaned back against the bench. "What did you mean earlier, when you said you wanted something to make you safe?"

The smile vanished and L curled tighter. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. I told you, I can't help you until I understand what's been preying on your mind all this time."

"I..." L's face twisted, then he went on very slowly, as if each word was physically painful. "There's something you don't know about me. I'm sorry. I should have told you right at the beginning, only..." His voice tailed off and Soichiro picked up the explanation.

"Only you planned to sneak away once you were healthy, so you didn't think it would be an issue."

"Yes. And I thought you'd just lend me the money for a ticket to Osaka, like I asked, which is why I didn't mention it back in Aomori either." L drew in several long, deep breaths, looking like he was steeling up courage, then he said in a very low voice, "You should never have taken me into your home. I'm not saying that because I didn't want to be there, although I didn't at first. But you put your wife and daughter in serious danger. I'm...not safe, Yagami-_san_. That's partly why Watari kept such a close eye on me after New York, so I couldn't get loose and hurt someone again."

"You didn't hurt anyone on the task force," Soichiro pointed out.

"No. I think...it was easier to relax in that situation. I knew you were all armed and even if I attacked one of you, the others would stop me." L shifted his weight, inching closer to Soichiro. "I don't think you have a right to any details, Yagami-_san_, but you do have a right to know what kind of person you've been sheltering."

Soichiro didn't speak for a while and then, when it became apparent L was waiting for him to break the silence, said very quietly, "I'm afraid it doesn't work like that, Ryuzaki. If you tell someone something like that, you have to tell them everything, otherwise they'll just think you're exaggerating."

"Do you think _I'm_ exaggerating?" L wanted to know.

"No. Not really. But I think you're being too hard on yourself."

"You don't know what happened." It was a mumble, just on the edge of hearing.

"Then tell me."

For a moment he thought that L would refuse, then he curled up into an even tighter ball and shuffled into Soichiro's side.

"I won't tell anyone, Ryuzaki. Not even my family, not if you don't want me to. I promise." Soichiro slid an arm around L's shoulders, feeling the tension there. "But this can't go on. It's destroying you."

L closed his eyes, suddenly looking far older and more tired than Soichiro thought anyone had a right to.

_Don't let me screw this up. Please don't let me screw this up. If he wants to go that badly, I won't stand in his way, but please let me get this right first._

Soichiro didn't dare say or do anything, just sat there and waited. At last L spoke.

"When I was fifteen, Watari took me to New York to investigate another brutal murder. I managed to sneak out one night to take a walk around the city. While I was out there, I put a man in hospital. Do you know why?"

Soichiro shook his head.

"Because I was on my own, I was heading for a rough part of town, although I didn't know it at the time, and he was trying to stop me. Trying to warn me. He came up behind and grabbed me by the shoulder. I was on edge – I wasn't supposed to be out, and part of me couldn't help thinking that Watari was going to kill me when he found out – and...so I..." His voice tailed off.

"You reacted," Soichiro supplied. L nodded.

"Yeah. But that wasn't it. I mean, punching someone because they made you jump in that situation is extreme, but I think they'd understand once they regained consciousness. But..."

"Did you kill him?" Soichiro asked as delicately as he could.

L covered his face with his hands. "I may as well have done. I..." He swallowed. "I beat him so badly that I ended up breaking his back. He lost the use of his legs. As soon as I got back in, I called the people I was working for at the time. I said this man had been injured in the course of our investigation and the ten million dollar fee should go directly to his family. Watari was furious when he found out. He would have given that family some of the fee anyway – that's what usually happened whenever innocent people got hurt in the course of our investigations – but the fact that I'd gone behind his back, as he saw it, and given it _all _away stuck in his throat. I mean, it's not that he wanted it for himself, but he was always the one who handled it. I never had any say in it and for me to act on my own initiative as I did...I think that was what really angered him. It proved I wasn't as tame and under his control as he'd believed." L swallowed. "But I've never forgotten that poor man. It wasn't so much that I reacted the way I did, it was that I didn't seem able to stop. I mean, I could have just punched him. I didn't have to cripple him, so why did I do it?"

The pleading expression he turned on Soichiro told the older man that the question hadn't been rhetorical and he struggled to find an answer that he could say was at least semi-accurate.

"It's hard to say. Sometimes people can be angry for so long that they no longer notice it. You were on edge anyway, you were in a strange situation and you were nervous because you knew you shouldn't be there. Part of you resented being treated the way you were, and when that guy grabbed you, you just exploded. In a way, you went for him because you couldn't go for Watari. It's like what you did to your apartment."

L hunched his shoulders. "Oh. You, um, saw that?"

"It was a little difficult to miss. You didn't want to take it out on my family, so you took it out on your furniture. And having seen what you _did_ to that furniture, I think I'm very glad you didn't take it out on my family," Soichiro couldn't help adding.

"I suppose you're going to tell me to clean it up," L mumbled to his knees.

"No." Seeing the young man's stunned expression, Soichiro went on. "If you'd wrecked _my _house, I would have done, but this is yours. If you want to run up a repair bill that's in the hundred thousands, that's your business." He paused for a minute, then asked, "What did Watari say? I don't mean about your giving away the fee, but about what you did to that man."

A slightly bitter expression crossed L's face. "Watari? Watari used it as an excuse to lock me up every night. He said I wasn't safe to be let loose. After what I'd done, I couldn't really argue with him. I think part of me was relieved that I wouldn't be able to do it again."

And that was that, Soichiro thought. Nobody seemed to wonder why a normal child (at least, he assumed L had been normal) had grown into a teenager who was so warped by his situation that he just snapped and crippled an innocent man who'd only been trying to do him a good turn. Instead of trying to understand him or offering any kind of reassurance, Watari had twisted it into an excuse to keep L incarcerated and also doubled the burden of guilt.

"But...if I snapped like that once, who's to say I won't do it again? You see what I'm trying to say, Yagami-_san_?"

Yes, Soichiro could see it. He wondered what that was like, to go through life being frightened of yourself.

_Well, at least I can try and fix that much._

"Yes, I see," he said aloud. "You beat a guy up because you thought he was about to mug you and you think that makes you a closet psychopath." Putting on a mock sad expression, he sighed and shook his head. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Ryuzaki, but the truth of the matter is that you're nothing more than someone who made a very bad mistake."

"And that makes everything alright, does it?" L rose to his feet, his face haggard. "Yagami-_san_, I broke his _spine_! He was a decent guy who was just trying to do me a good turn by warning me about the rough areas – one of which I was very close to wandering into – and I put him in a wheelchair. How can you just brush that off as a _mistake_?"

Soichiro caught hold of L before the young man could work himself up into another explosion and pulled him back down onto the bench, keeping his hands firmly on L's shoulders.

"I'm not trying to brush it off. I'm just saying is that there's a world of difference between what you did to him and what you're frightened you're going to do to me and my family." He paused, giving the young man time to gather his thoughts, then asked, "Did you ever contact that person yourself?"

L drew in on himself but made no move to get away. "I tried. I told Watari that if he didn't take me to the hospital, I would feed him and the police nothing but lies about the current case I was working on. Well, one of the cases." He fell silent and Soichiro, seeing that the young man was trying to summon up the courage to continue the story, wisely kept quiet.

At last L spoke again.

"I never made it to his room. I couldn't bring myself to go more than about three meters beyond the reception. I don't even remember getting back into the car; I think Watari probably had to carry me. The next thing I really remember is him pulling into our parking space. And the smell."

"Smell?" Soichiro echoed quietly.

"The hospital smell. I wasn't joking when I said I don't like hospitals. Ever since that time, whenever I'm in hospital, I can't help thinking about that man."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows and settled himself a little more comfortably.

"You hid it very well when I saw you there," he pointed out.

"There's not a great deal to hide, Yagami-_san_. It's not bad enough to give me a panic attack or anything, and I don't spend my time dwelling on what happened, but it's always the first thing that comes to my mind whenever I do have to go to hospital. It's just association, but not a very pleasant one." L moved closer, now pressing so closely against Soichiro that the deputy director was squashed against the side of the bench. "I don't know. Maybe it's for the best that I never found him. I mean, it's not like I had any idea what to say to him. When a guy's going to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair, something like _oops, my bad_ isn't really enough, you know?"

"You tried to make it right, though. You went behind Watari's back to give his family the money."

"Oh right. So I gave them a lot of money. So what? There isn't enough money in the world to buy him his legs back."

"No," Soichiro conceded, "but there's enough to buy the best in medical treatment. And spinal injuries aren't always permanent."

The look L turned on him was so...so...actually, Soichiro didn't know how to describe it. Poleaxed, perhaps.

"What?"

"Well, there are people who injured their backs, lost the use of their legs and then regained it." Soichiro settled himself more comfortably on his side of the bench – his own legs were starting to go to sleep – then went on. "It's not all that common, but it does happen."

L continued to stare at him with those large, strange eyes. Finally he said, "Is that really true? Or are you just saying it to make me feel better?"

"Both, I suppose. I can't say for certain that it's true in this case because I don't know any of the details—"

"But it could be," L insisted. "Right? He could have recovered?"

Seeing how L looked just then, like a little child begging an adult for reassurance, wrung Soichiro's heart.

_Damn you, Watari. You couldn't have given him just that tiny sliver of hope?_

"Yes," he said aloud. "He could have done, especially since he had enough money from you to get the best treatment possible. And after that, who knows?"

Silence flowed in and stayed there for a long time. At last L said very quietly, "What am I going to do?"

"Ryuzaki—"

"All I know is being a detective. What else am I good for, if I'm not solving crimes? I don't know who'd hire me. I don't know what qualifications I need for other jobs, although since I never took any formal exams, I probably don't have them. Watari always handled everything for me. I just caught criminals."

It wasn't the first time Soichiro had heard this lament, but he kept quiet. Something told him that L needed to talk it out, needed to say it several times before it would finally sink in.

"Ryuzaki, how can I put this—"

"If you're going to tell me that Watari did a lousy job, you can save your breath, Yagami-_san_." There was no anger in L's voice, just the quiet, cold bitterness of someone who knows they've been proved wrong.

"No, I was going to say that Watari wasn't exactly young. You must have realized that he'd die before you." _Assuming you didn't get yourself killed chasing criminals first_, Soichiro added to himself.

"Yes, I knew that. That's where the House comes in. When one handler dies, another is sent out immediately to replace them. Watari died, so it was down to me to inform everyone, which I did. I also told them that I had only a few weeks left to live, so I guess they figured it wasn't worth sending anyone out to me. I never heard from the House beyond a simple acknowledgement that they'd received my email. And...I couldn't face contacting them after I knew I was going to survive."

_I don't blame you_, Soichiro thought. L contacted the House, the only family he could remember, told them he had less than three weeks to live and got nothing from them other than _Thanks for the heads up_? He was aware at this point that the House wasn't what you'd call a loving and nurturing environment, but after everything L had given to it, he deserved a more sympathetic response than simply being abandoned for the last few weeks of his life.

"...and I sort of liked it, Yagami-_san,_" L was saying, unaware of the thoughts rampaging through the older man's mind. "I spent most of the money Matsuda gave me just traveling around Japan on the train, going to places not many tourists bother with."

"And climbing mountains."

A soft smile appeared on L's face. "Yeah, that too. Can you buy a mountain?"

The older man smiled a little. "Not like you mean."

"Damn. I just think it would be nice, you know? Just me, the views, the soft breezes rippling the short grass..."

"You really are a poet, aren't you? Don't forget about the oxygen starvation, the freezing cold climate and the complete lack of any food shops," the more pragmatic Soichiro couldn't help adding.

"Oh sure. Go ahead, stamp on my dreams of being Japan's first private mountain owner. _I_ don't care."

"I'm not stamping on anyone's dreams, Ryuzaki, I'm just saying it's not as easy as you might think."

L's smile became a little cooler. "Watari used to say that, every time I told him I wanted to try living independently of him."

"How often did you tell him that?"

"About three times a week. He never let me even consider it. Though to be fair, I was only fourteen the first time I said it, so he was probably right not to let me try then. But at least if I said it, I felt...I felt like I was doing _something_, you know?" L stretched out his hand into the rain and studied it, apparently fascinated by the way the droplets merged on the back of his hand and dripped off. "Yagami-_san_?"

"Yes?"

"Where's Watari?"

Soichiro felt his heart break a little as he stared at L. There was no sleepiness in the young man's eyes; the question was a genuine one.

"Watari's dead, Ryuzaki."

"Yes, I know." No emotion. "I mean where's the body? What happened to it?"

_Oh_.

"I'm sorry, I've no idea. I thought you arranged that side of things." Soichiro paused. "I may be able to find out for you, if you wanted."

L turned his head away. "There's no point. Looking at the spot won't bring him back."

"That's your training talking."

Long silence.

"My heart still hurts, Yagami-_san_." There was a plaintive note in L's voice now, a kind of _why-haven't-you-fixed-this-yet_ note.

_Oh, Ryuzaki, if I could, I would. Believe me._

"Yes, I know." Soichiro paused, then said very quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" L echoed. "Sorry for what?"

"I should have stepped in back then. I should never have let you in on the case; you were far too young to cope with that kind of pressure. In a way, I exploited you as much as Watari did."

"Yes." L was silent for a few minutes, then added, "But _you_ gave me a blanket."

"It always comes back to that, doesn't it?" There was nothing else for it, Soichiro thought; he _had_ to ask. The question had been circling in his mind too long to be ignored any longer. "Ryuzaki? When you were with Watari, did he ever, well, touch you?"

Even before L turned a look of mingled anger and disgust on him, the deputy director realized he should have phrased the question very differently.

"That really wasn't meant to be a euphemism," he said before L could explode again (with, even Soichiro had to admit, some justification). "I mean, did he ever hold you? Put a hand on your shoulder, give you a hug or a pat on the back? Innocent touching," Soichiro added, just in case L still wasn't clear on this point.

"Never."

"Did anyone at Wammy's House?"

L looked a little shifty now. "No. Should they have?"

_Yes, they damn well should_. Soichiro wondered what that had been like, growing up in a place entirely devoid of affection. What would that do to a child?

_And why? Not because his parents abandoned him or died, or because he got into trouble, but because he happened to have been born with an IQ off any known chart, and Wammy's House just had to have him for its collection._

"Besides, when I was a child, Watari told me he didn't want to touch me. He said that way if anybody did, I wouldn't be fooled into thinking it was him. If anybody touched me, I would know that they were an enemy and that I had to fight them. I mean, if I fell over or got hurt, he'd do things like helping me up or applying first aid and he'd always be gentle about it, but that's different."

"But he'd never handle you in a show of...I don't know. Affection? Concern? Sympathy?"

"If he did, I don't remember it. It's possible he may have done so or tried to do so when I was angry about something. Maybe he tried and I just kept pushing him away."

_Then he should have kept coming back_, Soichiro thought. Next to him, L looked down at Soichiro's hand, then took hold of it by the thumb and gingerly pulled the deputy director's arm back around his shoulders again.

Keeping his voice as laid-back as he could, Soichiro said, "Ryuzaki, tell me what happened to you in Kyoto."

He never knew _why_ he said it, only that some instinct was telling him that if he wanted to get answers out of L, he'd never get a better chance than he had right now.

L shook his head. "There's no point. Kyoto's something you can't help me with."

"Tell me anyway." It was half a request, half an instruction.

The young man's head snapped around to face him so fast that Soichiro drew back a little. Instead of the anger he'd been expecting, however, there was something else there. L wasn't angry, he was trying to see something. Soichiro didn't move, just sat there and let L search his face in silence, looking for the answer to some unasked question.

"Before I answer any of your questions on that subject, Yagami-_san_, I need you to answer one of mine."

Well, at least he hadn't flat-out refused to talk about it, Soichiro thought.

"If I can, I will," he said.

"Does the name Hitomi Murasaki mean anything to you? Please answer me honestly, because if you don't then I really don't think I could ever trust you again. You seem very interested in digging into my past and I want to know exactly how much you've managed to dig up so far."

Soichiro didn't hesitate before replying, "I had heard the name Hitomi, yes, but from Sayu herself. She said she woke up one night to go to the bathroom and then decided to come downstairs and check on you. You'd kicked the blankets off and so Sayu decided to replace them. She then told me that you looked at her and apparently thought she was someone called Hitomi, although she also reckons you were still more asleep than awake."

L went white. At last he said in a very low voice, "I must have been, because I don't remember any of that. Then again, my memory of the first few days in your house is a little fuzzy anyway. Most of the time I felt too ill to do anything; I was operating on pure automatic. Yagami-_san_, is there any chance that Sayu could be...mistaken?"

"That's a kinder word than _making it up_, which is what I think you mean, but no. There isn't."

The young man shifted on his perch, then turned a wretched look on Soichiro. "Really?"

"Well, I don't know if she heard you say it or not, although my daughter isn't in the habit of lying to me. But you do talk in your sleep, Ryuzaki, and quite clearly at that. I've heard you myself. I've never heard you mention Hitomi's name, but how else would Sayu know it? I don't think you mentioned a surname though, or if you did, she didn't mention it to me."

L tilted his head on one side, a look of faint surprise on his features. "Oh. I suppose that makes sense."

"I take it this Hitomi Murasaki is the main reason you're not interested in any kind of romance?"

The young man's gaze sharpened, but Soichiro had been very careful to keep his face and eyes neutral, even sympathetic. That was really all the affirmation he needed.

"How did you meet her?" he asked.

A small smile tugged at the corner of L's mouth. "I, ah, went for a walk while Watari was out. I wanted to visit Shosei-en, only I wasn't sure how to get there, so I stopped someone to ask directions. That was Hitomi. She told me she was on her way there and suggested we walk together. Lucky, I guess. I mean, what are the odds?"

Soichiro managed to bite back the laugh, but he couldn't do much about the broad smile.

_Oh, Ryuzaki. You're an amazing human being and the most resilient person I've ever met, but you wouldn't recognize a pick up line if it was scientifically labeled and handed to you in a test tube._

"So anyway, we walked there together and we got talking," L continued, either not noticing or just choosing to ignore the older man's amusement. "When we arrived, we...well, we never got around to going our own ways. We just wandered around for an hour or so – Shosei-en isn't very big – and then we walked around Kyoto. I don't think we were going anywhere in particular, we were just walking."

"Was that when you got injured?"

L shook his head, his eyes dark. "No. I...that came later, just after Watari found out about her. By that time Hitomi and I had been seeing each other for about three weeks and I'd told her...well, a little of what I've told you. She told me I should just move in with her."

"And did you?"

"Yes."

The answer was so unexpected that Soichiro's mouth fell open before he could stop it. "_What_?"

L shrugged, not looking at him. "I was nineteen years old and besotted. I would have agreed if she'd suggested moving to the North Pole. Maybe that would have been a better idea."

"Was she beautiful?"

L considered this before saying seriously, "I thought so. I'm not sure she could have found work as a model or anything, but there was something..._alive_ about her. I don't know how to put it any better than that." He looked away, blinking a little too rapidly. "I don't know, Yagami-_san_. It probably would have all fizzled out anyway."

Soichiro kept quiet. He was hardly one to comment in any case; he'd met Sachiko in a sushi bar of all places and _that_ romance certainly hadn't fizzled out, despite both their fathers' predictions.

"But why did she even have to do that anyway?" L persisted. "She must have known what would happen! I did tell her but she wouldn't listen!" The young man buried the bottom part of his face in his knees. "Girls are _weird_, Yagami-_san_."

It was said with such a world-weary air that Soichiro couldn't help smiling in spite of the situation.

"She must have cared for you a lot."

"Then why did she do what she did?" L demanded. "_Why_?"

"What exactly did she do?"

L's hand clenched around his t-shirt, scrunching up the fabric so tightly his knuckles turned white, and he shook his head slowly.

"You've come this far," Soichiro said in a quiet voice. Part of him knew that was necessity rather than choice – now that L had begun to unburden himself, he wasn't able to stop even if he'd wanted to – but that same instinct which had prompted him to raise the subject told him not to let it drop so easily. "Finish it."

When L stayed silent, Soichiro pushed a little harder, albeit in the same soft tones. "Did she leave you?"

"_No_. Nothing like that. Watari found where I was living a few days after I'd moved in and showed up there one day. I don't know what happened. I just panicked. I know that sounds strange – he never hurt me and he wouldn't have hurt Hitomi – but...I did. I went out via the fire escape, only it was raining and I slipped. I fell two and a half meters onto a moving car, which propelled me into a parked one. You know the rest."

He fell silent for a long, long time. At last he said, "When I recovered, Watari told me some of the people I'd been chasing had learned where I was. They came to Hitomi's apartment and kidnapped her. That's why he'd showed up in the first place, to try and warn her. I'd told her myself before, that I often had dangerous people coming after me. She said she didn't care."

The older man raised his eyebrows. "What makes you think she was kidnapped?"

"Watari told me, and after I got out of hospital he took me back to search the apartment. He didn't want to, but I told him if he didn't then I'd never give him or the police a single piece of accurate information about any case ever again. I didn't find any clues as to who was behind it, but I found something that she'd left behind. She had a necklace that was a gift from her parents the year she left for college. She only ever took it off to go to sleep or to take a bath, otherwise it was very firmly around her neck. She didn't even take it off when we—" L broke off, going red fast enough to put a traffic light to shame, then coughed unconvincingly and looked away.

"When you were relaxing together?" Soichiro offered, smiling a little.

The young man rubbed the back of his neck, still not meeting Soichiro's gaze. "I guess. If that's what you want to call it. Anyway, I found it under a chair with the chain broken, which implied that it was ripped off during a struggle." L turned his head away, his entire demeanor implying that he'd gone as far as he felt comfortable with on that score.

"I take it there were no other clues?" Soichiro asked delicately.

"No. It was strange, though. Being there after she'd been taken. It was like...everything was how she'd left it. I expected her to walk through the door or come out of the bathroom toweling her hair dry or something. I took the necklace and some photos of the two of us. Watari destroyed the photos – I managed to salvage one, sort of – but he never found out I had the necklace. He never let me look for her either. Later I found out she'd been killed by the ones who took her about three hours _after _they took her. Bastards. She should have run when Watari warned her. And _he_ should have let me search for her! Instead he told me to concentrate on the case, since the killers were the ones responsible for her kidnapping and finding them would be the fastest way to find her, but it was too late."

Soichiro cast about for something to say and at last settled for, "Is that what you went back to Osaka for? The necklace?"

"No, I always keep that with me, no matter where I am or what I'm doing. I went back for the photograph."

There was a silence.

"Do you hate me?" L asked in a very small voice.

"Of course I don't hate you!"

"I couldn't find her. I tried. I couldn't. Watari wouldn't let me search for her, not really."

For the second time that morning, Soichiro pulled L into a hug. This time when L returned it, Soichiro felt hot tears soak into his skin.

He didn't say anything. Didn't do anything besides sit there and hold L, waiting until the young man had cried himself out.

_Poor kid. No wonder he never wants to dwell on it or to have other people remind him of it. Who would? _And no wonder he'd been so upset when Sachiko's friend had made her ill-fated attempt to set L up on a date.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Of course it was!" L pushed himself away from Soichiro, anger flashing in his eyes. "If she'd never met me, she'd never have been kidnapped! If I'd never moved in with her, if we'd never become close, the ones I was chasing wouldn't have been interested in her! And if I hadn't left her...if I'd stayed..."

"Watari was there with her, wasn't he?"

L curled up again, shivering a little in spite of Soichiro's coat. "I don't know how long he stayed. I mean, he always did his best to stop me speaking with anyone face to face apart from him, but he really wasn't a cruel man. If he'd been there when the kidnappers showed up, he wouldn't have let them take Hitomi just because he wanted her out of my life. I imagine they were watching the apartment to see when he left."

Soichiro nodded. "Yes, that sounds likely. And I'm glad to hear you had something as normal and healthy as a relationship, although I'm a little surprised as well."

A flash of bitterness passed through L's eyes. "Why? Do you think I'm incapable of love just because I'm different to everyone else?"

"No," Soichiro answered honestly. "I just never thought it was something you'd give a lot of thought to. You told me yourself you weren't interested in romance – and now I understand why – but aside from all that, you don't strike me as the dating type."

It was the right thing to say; L relaxed and the bitterness was replaced by something that verged on humor.

"What type do I strike you as then, Yagami-_san_?"

The question was half playful and so Soichiro answered in the same light tones, "It's difficult to say. You're always so mysterious and self-contained, it's hard to know exactly what kind of person you are."

"Mysterious?" Hard as L tried to hide it, Soichiro could see the young man liked that idea. "Really?"

"Yes. Sometimes too much for your own good." The older man studied L for a few moments and then decided to ask the question he'd wanted to ask ever since speaking to Kitamura. Granted L's past was something the young man was either happy to talk about or likely to explode over, and the last thing Soichiro wanted to do was set him off again, but L seemed a lot calmer now. In an odd sort of way, he was calmer than Soichiro had ever seen him.

"Ryuzaki..." he began, then stopped.

"Yes?"

Soichiro debated briefly with himself about the best way to ask this question and finally decided that the easiest thing to do would be to just come straight out with it.

"Do you remember me?"

L blinked at him. "Of course, Yagami-_san_. It hasn't been that long since I last saw you."

"I mean from when you were a child."

The young man blinked again. "I didn't meet you when I was a child."

"Yes you did. After you stopped the bombing in England, you were invited to tour the NPA headquarters in Tokyo. According to Kitamura, you came up and chatted to me. I don't remember it that well either," Soichiro admitted, "if that's any consolation. I just wondered...you saw me via your computer at the beginning of the Kira case."

L shook his head. "I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_, but you were just another detective." A little more shyly: "I...liked you from the beginning of the Kira case though. Maybe there was some kind of memory, but if so, I really wasn't aware of it. Like I said, the reason I contacted you was because of the blanket. And...you were the only one who came back to be with me at the very end. I thought if anyone would help, you would." He gave a short laugh. "Though you went a lot further than I expected!"

"If you thought I was just going to dump you in Osaka and go home, then you really didn't know me very well either, Ryuzaki."

There was a long, long silence. Then L said almost inaudibly, "Ikeda."

Soichiro looked down at him. "Sorry?"

"My name." L looked awkward, embarrassed, as if having a name was something dirty. "My _real_ name, not that fake one they gave me at Wammy's House. Shogo Ikeda."

More silence. Soichiro didn't quite know what to say. The fact that L had shared something this personal with him spoke volumes; how many other people had the young man trusted to this extent?

"It's okay, you can still call me Ryuzaki. I like that better anyway and besides, I'm used to it. No one's called me by my real name since I wound up in that place, only Mello_-kun _and then only when nobody could hear and neither of us could get in trouble_._ I just thought...maybe...well, I wanted someone else to know it." L let out a rather shaky laugh. "I mean, you know everything else about me; you might as well know that."

"I do know it," Soichiro said very quietly. "Thank you for telling me your real name, Ryuzaki, but I've known it for some time now."

L glanced at him, frowning more in perplexity than anger. "How? I never told you, and I know Watari never would have."

"You made headlines when you stopped that bombing fifteen years ago, and when you disappeared. Most people in Japan didn't have a clue where you'd gone and there was a huge search for you. Your case is still in the NPA archives. Though it took me a while to connect you with that little boy who went missing fifteen years ago."

L stared, face a complete mask. Soichiro could practically hear the cogs spinning inside the young man's mind. At last L said, "I suppose it had to be that way. The fewer people who knew where I was, the better. Um." He cleared his throat. "I...I never got any details, but...my parents? Was it..." He swallowed. "Was it quick?"

"It was peaceful," Soichiro answered evasively. "Your parents died six years ago, on the night before your eighteenth birthday."

There was a long, long silence.

"How did they do it?" L asked in a voice that was barely audible.

"What—"

"_Please_, Yagami-_san_." The young man squeezed his eyes shut, then continued without opening them. "_Please_ don't pretend you didn't understand the question."

Without pausing – something told him that to hesitate or lie now would be to lose L forever – Soichiro answered, "Carbon monoxide poisoning. They ran a tube from the exhaust on their car through...well, you probably know how that method works," he amended.

"What did the note say?"

"They may not have left a note, Ryuzaki," Soichiro said as gently as he could. "Not everybody does."

"But they're really dead?"

Soichiro nodded. "Yes."

"There's no way you could have made a mistake?" L persisted, staring at Soichiro with a mixture of hope and apprehension.

"No. I'm sorry."

L was silent for a very long time. Finally he said, "Wammy's House lied to me about a lot of things. Even before I knew that, I suppose there was always a part of me that hoped...maybe they'd lied to me about this as well, or at least got it wrong. I mean, I'm not interested in meeting any of my family, but..." His voice trailed away and he stared at his thumbs.

"But you can't help being a little curious about them," Soichiro supplied.

"I guess so. What..." L cleared his throat again, swallowed twice and then went on in a hoarse voice. "What else do you know about me?"

"Only what was released to the press. You were born on the thirty first of October, and you and your family lived in Tsuruta, in Aomori."

A slow smile spread across L's face. "So that's why you suggested I put that date on the bank forms."

"Exactly." Soichiro took a long, deep breath, praying he wasn't about to trigger another explosion. "And you still have some surviving family."

The smile froze, then faded away. L perched there for a few minutes, not moving, not even blinking. At last he said, "I...what?"

Soichiro watched him, searching the young man's face for the slightest hint of distress. "Do you want me to stop?"

"I don't think you can leave me hanging like that, Yagami-_san_."

"Alright. Your maternal grandparents are still alive, and you have three aunts, two on your mother's side and one by marriage on your father's."

L drew himself into a tight little ball. "Then...I have an uncle as well?"

"No. I'm sorry, but your uncle died six months ago. Heart failure, according to the reports. Your other grandmother also died two years ago and your paternal grandfather lives in Mutsu. If I had to guess, I'd say that's where your father's family comes from. I wasn't able to find much more on that side; Mutsu's a lot bigger than Tsuruta."

"You shouldn't have investigated me like that, Yagami-_san_." L's voice was tight. "You had no right."

"Perhaps not. But I felt that _you_ had a right to know."

"What did you tell them about me?"

Ah, so that was what was worrying him. Soichiro shook his head.

"Nothing. I haven't been in any kind of contact with them at all; I just found them. It's your decision whether or not you get in touch, Ryuzaki."

"Then I decide _no_. None of them bothered trying to get in touch with me and anyway, I don't remember any of them." Pause. "Do you...have you...I mean, are there any pictures?"

"Not of your parents. The only photograph when they died was of the car. And I don't know what your living relatives look like either; I only know the names and where they live. But they would probably let you have some photographs of your parents, if you wanted."

L bit his lip and shook his head slowly. "No. I couldn't ask them, Yagami-_san_. It would just be too strange. I...no. I think I should leave things as they are."

Another silence.

"What do _you_ think I should do?" L asked at the end of it.

Soichiro shook his head. "I can't answer that, Ryuzaki. I've never been in this kind of situation before. But there's one thing I'd like to know: if you've forgotten everything about your past, then how did you manage to remember your name? I would have thought that's the first thing they'd try to take away from you."

A small smile appeared on L's face. "You'd be right. You're stripped of your name the second you arrive, at least if you're going to be a field agent, but I knew the kanji for my name and so I used to trace it with my finger whenever I was upset or pissed off. I thought if I held onto that, at least they wouldn't have all of me. I know it was rather an insignificant rebellion, but it made me feel better."

An image flashed into Soichiro's mind; that of L tracing patterns on the couch or table with his finger.

"So that's what you were doing!"

L reddened and looked down, playing with his fingers. "Um. I guess. It's become such a habit with me that I don't really notice when I'm doing it. You, um, you won't tell your family, will you? About me?"

"I won't gossip about anything you've told me, no. Sachiko doesn't know you're L, although I did tell her your real name. I felt she had a right to know who I'd brought into our house."

L swallowed hard, then nodded. "I understand. But...you won't tell her anything else, will you?"

"That goes without saying."

"I would feel better if you did say it, Yagami-_san,_" L insisted.

Soichiro got to his feet, working some feeling back into his cold limbs. "I told you already, I'm not a gossip."

L sat there in silence for a few minutes, then asked, "Are you going to work today?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Can I come with you? I can help with the murder investigation."

"If you weren't soaked through, I might say _yes_. Right now, I think the best thing you can do is get out of the rain, take a hot shower, change out of those wet clothes and have a solid meal." As they started back toward the entrance and the stairs back down, Soichiro added, "Though there is something you could do for me."

L perked up. "What's that?"

"Fix those damn elevators."

* * *

**AN: **I had originally planned for this to be the next chapter (this one was supposed to be a Matsuda-centric one) but it seemed L wanted to get all this off his chest ASAP ;) Now there's just the murders to sort out :P And thanks so much to everyone who's reviewed so far; I can't believe it's already past the two hundred mark XD


	23. At Home With The Matsudas

**Numei: **Thanks :D

**Dennis Nedry: **Yup, that's what happened in Kyoto :P And yeah...L's real name, he just _looks_ like a Shogo Ikeda for some reason XD

**Kanra:** Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it :-)

* * *

**JUNE 19**

Matsuda had aspired to be like Soichiro Yagami from the moment he first met him. He strived to be the smartest, most professional member of the NPA, wanted nothing more than his boss' approval and, on a personal level, genuinely liked and respected him. Having been cut off from his own family, there was a part of Matsuda that craved a father figure, and Soichiro had slid into that role so smoothly that Matsuda had hardly been aware of it.

With all that in mind, he was none too thrilled to have Soichiro walk in just in time to see him in an ancient pair of jeans and a Snoopy t-shirt frying donuts for breakfast.

"Yagami-_bucho_! I—you—" Several words fought for control of his voice. The one that finally won was, "Donut?"

"No thank you." Soichiro glanced around and in his heightened state of panic masquerading as awareness, Matsuda thought his boss was judging the rather messy state of his apartment.

"Well, um, I was just going to have breakfast. Do you want to join me? Us?" Matsuda amended, remembering his daughter was there...somewhere.

"Are you having donuts?"

Matsuda winced. Was that a note of disapproval? "Uh...yes. I promised Yukiko I'd make them since I wasn't able to take her to McDonalds yester—"

The phone rang, cutting him off, and Matsuda winced again.

"And that'll be Tomo."

"At quarter to seven in the morning?" Soichiro inquired, glancing at his watch.

"Who else would it be? I swear, if she's phoning to complain about that damn picture _again_—"

"Daddy?" Yukiko interrupted, wandering back in with the phone in her hand. "Mama says she and Kazuhiro-_san_ are gonna take me to Tokyo Sea Life Park this weekend!"

On the worktop, Matsuda's hand curled finger by finger into a tightly clenched fist.

"Are they?" he said without parting his teeth. "Well, that'll be fun for you, won't it?"

"Yes but she says I have to ask you if I can go. Can I? Please please _please_?"

Matsuda forced a neutral expression onto his face and then said in as light a tone as possible, "Let me talk to your mother, find out when she wants to take you, and then I'll see. Okay?"

"You're gonna yell at each other again, aren't you?" This with a kind of quiet sadness that made her sound much older than her four and a half years.

"I won't yell at her, Yukiko, if she doesn't yell at me."

"That's what she says about you, so how come you and Mama always end up yelling anyway? Nakagawa-_sensei_ says that if you say you'll do something, um, you have to do it, so why do you and Mama yell at each other after you both say you won't?"

Matsuda gave a hollow mental groan and seriously wondered whether gagging one's four year old daughter and locking her in a cupboard whenever one's boss came around would constitute child abuse. Probably not if the judge had a four year old daughter of his own.

"Yukiko, _give_ me the phone!"

"Well, I _wish_ you'd make up your mind, you goddamn sonofabitch," Yukiko said peevishly.

Matsuda held off on answering the phone long enough to deliver a hard swat to his daughter's backside. "Yukiko, if you ever use either of those words again – much less in front of a guest—" _and my boss_, he added mentally, "—you won't see the inside of another McDonalds for a month!"

"B-but Mama uses them all the time," Yukiko protested. Tears filled her eyes. Matsuda was not usually the disciplinarian of the family; one of the things that frequently came up between him and Tomo was the accusation that he apparently indulged Yukiko too much and too often, along with the somewhat contradictory accusation that he never let the poor kid have any fun. Getting a reprimand like that from her father was almost unheard-of. "'Specially when she's talking about you."

"I'm well aware of that," Matsuda muttered. "Your mother's a—" He bit off what he was going to say.

"A self-centered interfering bitch," Yukiko supplied. "That's what you told Aizawa-_san _on Monday."

Matsuda cringed. He did have a vague recollection of saying something like that to Aizawa, but he hadn't realized Yukiko had been within earshot at the time.

"Yes, well, that's also not the kind of language to use in front of a guest. Now please give me the phone."

With a long-suffering sigh that told of her frustration with all things adult, Yukiko passed the phone up to her father, who took it and wedged it between his ear and his shoulder.

Uncomfortably aware that he wasn't likely to be impressing Soichiro with any of this, Matsuda cleared his throat and said in a more civil tone than usual. "What is it? Please make it quick; I'm in the middle of something very important."

"No you're not, you're making donuts," Yukiko pointed out.

Matsuda gave his daughter a brittle smile. "Yukiko, why don't you take our guest Yagami-_san_ into the kitchen and offer him a glass of water?"

Yukiko looked around and then said seriously, "Um, 'cause we're already _in_ the kitchen."

"Well, why don't you show him some of your pictures? I'm sure he'd love to see them." Matsuda gave Soichiro a beseeching look. _Take her out of here so I don't have to watch my language._

It grated on him to use his boss as a kind of unpaid babysitter, even if it was only for a few minutes, but the deputy director just nodded and let Yukiko lead him into the lounge, closing the door behind them. Matsuda waited a few seconds to let them get as far out of earshot as possible, then returned his attention to the phone.

"Alright." This time his voice was hard. "You have three seconds to convince me to be polite."

"Touta, don't be such an idiot."

"Okay, you know what?" Matsuda's hand uncurled abruptly and slammed down on the worktop hard enough to make the plates vibrate. "I have to take that from my boss, and I have to take it from my colleagues, but I do _not _have to take it from _you_! And you know damn well I told Yukiko I'd take her to the Sea Life Park as soon as this case is over! What do you think you're playing at, pulling a stunt like this? And who the hell's _Kazuhiro_?"

"That's none of your business. And you shouldn't be giving Yukiko donuts for breakfast. If you're really struggling that much then perhaps I should—"

"Forget it!" Holding onto his temper with difficulty, Matsuda checked to make sure the kitchen door was still shut, then lowered his voice anyway. "Things here are going fine and no matter how incompetent you think I am, I assure you that I have everything perfectly under control."

At this point, the deep fat fryer burst into flames.

"Oh _shit_!"

"What?" Tomo's voice sounded a lot more alert. "What was that?"

"Nothing that could possibly concern you _or_ Kazuhiro. And now if you'll excuse me, I have a kitchen to extinguish!" Matsuda hung up the phone, grabbed the lid of the fryer and slammed it back on, smothering the flames.

"Don't forget the gas," Soichiro said levelly.

Matsuda jumped and came within half an inch of burning his hand on the hob. "What—"

"Your daughter seemed to think you might be needing this." Soichiro flourished the metal tray he was holding. "Does this happen often?" he asked, turning the tray over to display the scorch marks on the underside.

Matsuda cringed and switched the gas off. He thought he'd got rid of those.

"No," he lied. "I swear, Yagami-_bucho_, this is the first time I've ever done anything this stupid."

"No it's not," Yukiko piped up, wandering in, "'cause you were cooking sausages on Monday and—"

"Yes, well, we agreed never to mention that, _didn't_ we?" Matsuda said through a gritted smile. "_Especially_ not to your mother, your friends, your friends' mothers and anyone you may happen to meet at daycare! Nakagawa_-s__an_'s still giving me odd looks after that picture you drew of me in a room with blood all over the place."

"But I had to do that 'cause Nakagawa-_sensei_ said we should draw a picture of our families at work and so I drawed a picture of you catching bad guys."

"Yes." Matsuda hadn't seen the picture, but Tomo had. The row that followed it had been one of the worst yet. Apparently Yukiko hadn't just drawn her father in a room full of blood, but she'd given him a gun and a happy smile along with a dead body and someone else who was bleeding from a gunshot wound to the leg. The story behind it was innocent enough – the bleeding man was a murderer, the dead person was his latest victim and Matsuda was smiling because he was happy to have caught another bad guy – but the picture itself had caused quite a few comments and more than one concerned phone call from the teacher, not to mention a very pissed off one from Tomo. The subject matter didn't bother her as much as the fact that she was nowhere to be seen in this family picture. (Matsuda had then inflamed this argument to apocalyptic proportions by suggesting that maybe Tomo was the murderer's victim). "Well, why don't you go and get ready for daycare? I'll cook something for breakfast."

"You promised you'd make donuts for breakfast!"

"I didn't promise they'd be edible," Matsuda snapped, then immediately regretted it.

"_Mama_ would've made them." Yukiko's voice was just loud enough for her father to hear.

"Yukiko, at this moment in time and after what happened yesterday, I don't give a damn what your mother would have done! Now go and get ready!"

"What happened yesterday?" Soichiro asked very quietly, after Yukiko had stomped off.

"Oh, I was going to take her out to McDonalds when Tomo brought her back that afternoon. Only my loving and devoted ex-wife didn't bring her back until nine fifteen, having first taken her not only to McDonalds for a burger, ice cream and enough soda to float a small island, but onto an arcade afterward." Matsuda yanked open one cupboard after another in search of something to eat, finally locating some rice behind the coffee and some vegetables in the fruit bowl, where he suspected Yukiko had put them when helping him unpack the groceries. Tossing the rice into the frying pan, he started slicing vegetables. "So after sitting outside in my car for four and a half hours, unable to reach Tomo and worrying myself sick about Yukiko, she's given back to me on a sugar high two hours after she should have been in bed! _Ow_!"

He dropped the knife and sucked blood off the side of his thumb. "Tomo wants me to hand Yukiko over to her and avoid any further contact, which isn't going to happen. Goddammit, she's my daughter too! I want to go on some of those outings with her!"

"But if she lives with you, then her mother might want to make their visits together special. It's not surprising that she wants to spoil Yukiko-_chan_ a little."

"No." Matsuda shook his head. "If that's all it was, then I'd agree with you, but she's using these outings as weapons. Yukiko tells her mother what she and I have planned to do, and then all Tomo cares about is getting in there first. Last night was a case in point. I'd promised Yukiko I'd take her to McDonalds, but I couldn't very well do that thirty minutes after Tomo had. But how's she going to see it? Is she going to think that her mother took her out for a meal and so it's understandable that her father doesn't want to take her out for another one? Or is she going to think that her father promised to take her out for McDonalds and then broke that promise?" Matsuda resumed slicing. Thunking vegetables with a big knife did wonders for a person's stress level. "I'm sorry, Yagami-_bucho_. You came to see me about something...?"

"It can wait a few minutes. I've just been having a very interesting chat with your daughter."

Matsuda hesitated mid-slice, not sure whether this was good or bad. "Really?"

"Yes. She told me you'd promised her you would take her to the park this Sunday, and she showed me some of the paintings she did. She's very good at art."

"Yeah." Despite the anger always engendered by his ex-wife's recriminations, Matsuda softened as he thought of Yukiko. "Yes, she loves drawing and painting."

"Mm. Then she said how much she loved trees and that you'd bought her a special indoor one for her birthday last year and how carefully she was looking after it—"

"Yeah," Matsuda said again, this time with a small smile. He had to hand it to his daughter, Yukiko had taken on the responsibility inherent in caring for a bonsai with a seriousness that was almost comical, to the point where watering and spraying the little tree were both performed with religious solemnity.

"—and then she asked me to tell her what the word _fucking_ meant, since you apparently didn't seem to know even though you and your ex-wife have been using it rather a lot in your conversations with each other."

The smile vanished and, about half a second later, so did another chunk of Matsuda's finger.

"_Ow_!"

Soichiro sighed. "For goodness' sake, Matsuda, give me that knife before you chop off your hand! I'll finish slicing these."

Matsuda hesitated, then relinquished the knife with a sigh and stood back. Having his boss do his cooking really wasn't how he'd pictured any visit involving Soichiro, but the deputy director was right; if he carried on like this, he wouldn't have any fingers left.

"I'm sorry, Yagami-_bucho_. Yukiko's not usually that rude."

"She didn't use the word; she just wanted me to explain to her what it meant. Along with various _other_ words," Soichiro added, "one of which I've never heard coming out the mouth of a four year old child before, and I only hope she didn't hear it coming out of _your_ mouth. She said she learned it yesterday."

Matsuda rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Yeah, I think I know the word you're talking about. That was from Tomo, not me."

"Matsuda, if things have really been this bad for you, then why didn't you say something before?"

"_You're_ the one who told me to keep my personal problems out of my work life!" Matsuda flared.

Soichiro turned to face him, leaning against the worktop. "I was referring to what I would do to you if I ever caught you sneaking into my office and using my phone to make a personal call to your family again, Matsuda, as you well know."

The reminder of this was enough to take a lot of the fire out of Matsuda's eyes.

"I _said_ I was sorry," he muttered, half under his breath and then, in an effort to change the subject, "Did you find Ryuzaki?"

Soichiro slid the chopped vegetables into the pan and handed Matsuda a spatula. "Yes. He's been up all night and I think he might try and come into the NPA. Whatever he tells you though, he's had a very exhausting experience – I'm not sure even he realizes how exhausting it was yet – and he needs sleep. If he comes around and tries to talk you into driving him to the office, remind him that I said _no_. I've told Aizawa this as well; I don't want to see Ryuzaki in the office today, no matter how he may try to persuade you. Understand?"

"Keep Ryuzaki out of the NPA building. Got it. Um, Yagami-_bucho_?"

Soichiro paused on his way out and half turned. "Yes?"

Matsuda moistened his lips. "Is Ryuzaki...well, is he, um, okay now?"

"He's going to be. But make sure he stays here and tell him from me to get some sleep. I'll see you at work."

Soichiro walked out, closing the door softly behind him. Soon afterwards – so soon, in fact, that Matsuda was certain he must have been waiting for this – the door clicked open again and L sauntered in, pocketing what looked like some kind of master key.

"Good morning, Matsuda_-san_," he said pleasantly. "I need a favor."

_Boy, Yagami-bucho really has your number, Ryuzaki_, Matsuda thought.

"No," he said firmly.

L looked surprised. "I haven't told you what it is yet."

"You came here to ask me to drive you to the NPA. Yagami-_bucho_ already said _no_, remember? He doesn't want you going in today."

"I see, so he came here to head me off at the pass." L shook his head, smiling a little. "He's getting smarter. Oh well, I'll have to drive myself."

"Don't even think about it!" Matsuda stepped in front of L. "You've been up all night. Yagami-_bucho_ said you need some sleep."

"I went for days without sleep when I was working on the Kira case. One night is nothing." L stretched to his full height, straightening his back, then returned to his habitual stoop. "I'll take responsibility, Matsuda-_san_."

"I don't think Yagami-_bucho_ is going to see it that way."

"Well, I'll take responsibility for that as well. If you won't give me a ride to the NPA offices, then at least give me a lift to the train station. I'd like to do some shopping. I had a slight disagreement with Sachiko-_san_ and I'd really like to buy her something to make up for it."

Matsuda folded his arms. "Right. I take it you think I'm an idiot as well. Yagami-_bucho_ said he wants you to stay out of the office. I'm not going to drive you in and I'm not going to take you to the station so you can get a _train_ in either!" He pushed past L and strode over to the stove, stirring the vegetables.

"At least let me give you my cellphone number," L insisted. "That way you can call me if you change your mind."

Matsuda dumped rice and vegetables into a bowl and handed it to Yukiko, then glanced up at L.

"I'm not going to change my mind."

"Humor me," L said with a quiet smile. "May I have some of that? It smells good."

"What? Oh...yes, I suppose so." Matsuda filled a second bowl and passed it to L, who rummaged around in one drawer after another until he found some chopsticks and started eating with a voracity that surprised Matsuda out of his mood.

"When was the last time you had anything to eat?"

"The day before yesterday, at lunch." L wolfed down the rest of the food, licked his lips and placed the empty bowl in the microwave.

"What are you doing?" Matsuda asked, staring at him.

"The dishes. Well, _my_ dish."

There was a short pause, then Matsuda said in a rather strained voice, "You do realize that's a microwave, right?"

L looked surprised. "No it isn't. It's something Watari invented to wash only two or three plates at a time, instead of having to fill an entire dishwasher."

He pushed a few buttons and the device lit up and started to hum. Matsuda, thinking back to the first time he'd attempted to cook in that particular device, said, "Oh. Well, that explains a lot."

L stared at him for a few seconds, lips twitching, then without taking his eyes off Matsuda he said, "Yukiko-_chan_, what did your father try and cook in the dishwasher?"

"Nikuman."

"Ah. That must have been an interesting meal."

"Well, it _looks_ like a microwave," Matsuda muttered. "Ryuzaki, I can't give you a ride because if I give you a ride then Yagami-_bucho_ is going to _know_ that I gave you a ride and I don't want to get killed!"

L covered a yawn with the back of his bandaged hand. "I rather doubt Yagami-_san_ will go as far as actual homicide, Matsuda-_san_."

"I'd rather not take the chance. The answer is no, and that's coming from my boss. I'm not going to risk my job for you, Ryuzaki."

"I doubt he would fire you either. The only person who would really get in trouble is me, and I've been in trouble with him so often that I've become numb to it. I mean, it's not like his good opinion _matters_ to me."

Matsuda gave L a long look. "Uh huh. So would you like me to tell him that when I next see him?"

Alarm shot through the young man's eyes and he backed up a step. "Ah, no. No. No, it's alright, I'd hate to bother him unnecessarily. But if you were to give me a lift in, I could help with the case."

"Nice try. Yagami-_bucho_ says you have to stay behind and get some sleep. And you do look tired, Ryuzaki."

L froze mid-yawn and glared at Matsuda. "What makes you say that?"

"Look, it's no good! I'm not going to change my mind, so you might as well go back to your place and curl up in bed!"

"I curl up wherever I am, in case you'd forgotten. And I can't go back to my place, since I trashed it yesterday."

"Then you'll just have to pick another place, Ryuzaki, because I'm not taking you into the office!"

"Matsuda—"

"No! No, no, no! And in case you didn't hear me the first eight million times, _no_!"

"Alright!" L held his hands up. "Alright. Fine. No hard feelings right?"

There was a niggling suspicion in the back of Matsuda's mind that L had given in a little too easily, but he squashed it and said, "No. Of course not. I just...I think you need to start finding things to do outside of solving cases."

L smiled coldly. "Yes. It's funny, but it seems to me everyone I meet knows exactly what I should and shouldn't do. It always amazes me how they manage it, since so few of them bother to ask my opinion on the subject."

Guilt stained Matsuda's face and he flinched. "Ryuzaki, you know I didn't mean—"

"It's alright, Matsuda-_san_. But please promise me that if you _do_ change your mind for some reason that you'll phone me."

"Okay. Fine." That was an easy promise to make, since he had no intention of being forced into keeping it. "I promise that if I decide to take you in this morning, I'll call you. Leave me your number."

"Already have done." L tapped a torn scrap of paper. "Be sure to program it into your phone. I would hate for you to need it all of a sudden."

He smiled at both Matsuda and Yukiko, then turned and walked out, closing the door softly behind him.

_Why do I get the feeling there's something wrong somewhere?_ Matsuda wondered suspiciously.

He didn't find out just what _was_ wrong, however, until an hour later, when Yukiko had been picked up for daycare and Matsuda was sitting in his car.

For the third time since getting in, he put the key in the ignition and turned it.

Nothing. The engine was completely dead.

_Did he...no. No, he can't have. He can't._

Fumbling under his chair, Matsuda located the hood release lever and pulled it. There was a _clunk_ from the front of the engine and he got out of the car, unlatched the hood and flipped it open, staring at what was inside. Or rather, what _wasn't_.

_That—oh, he is so dead!_

He pulled out his phone and searched through the menus until he found L's number, then hit the button for automatic dialing. It was picked up on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Ryuzaki!"

"Why, Matsuda-_san_, this _is_ a surprise. I thought you'd left. Did you change your mind about giving me a ride?"

Matsuda gritted his teeth. "Would you happen to know where my distributor cap is?"

"Are you going to drive me into the NPA?"

"I can't. Yagami-_bucho_ said—"

"Then I think I've forgotten where your distributor cap is," L interrupted.

"_Ryuzaki_..."

"Yagami-_san_ sometimes says my name like that. It doesn't work for him either."

Matsuda rolled his eyes. "I'm still not taking you. Yagami-_bucho_ would kill me."

He ended the call. There was more than one way to get to the office. The station he needed was about fifteen minutes' walk but if he ran all the way...and he _should_ have enough for a ticket...he reached into his pocket to check.

His wallet was gone.

_Alright, that does it. _Matsuda pulled out his phone again and redialed.

"Ryuzaki—!"

"Back again, Matsuda-_san_? I've never been so popular."

"Did you take my wallet?"

"Yes. But don't worry, I won't touch your money; I have plenty of my own. I haven't even opened it. I just wanted to make sure you didn't sneak onto a train without me."

"If you have so much money, then why don't you just get a cab?" Matsuda demanded.

"Because while a taxi could take me to the NPA office, I would have a great deal of difficulty getting inside without attracting a lot of unwanted attention. It would be much easier if I were to be escorted by someone who works there."

"Well, it's not going to be me." Matsuda ended the call, stuffed his phone back in his pocket, spun and came face to face with Aizawa. "Oh, what do _you_ want?"

Aizawa looked a little taken aback at this abrupt greeting, but answered nonetheless. "I was going to ask you for a ride into the office, but you seem to be having the same problem as me."

"You too, huh?" Matsuda leaned against his useless car, running a hand through his hair. "Ryuzaki's taken the distributor caps. He wants to go to the NPA, only he knows we've been forbidden to drive him. He's trying to force our hand. Did he take your wallet as well?"

A hard light flared in Aizawa's eyes. "Didn't anyone ever tell him it's wrong to steal?"

"The only thing he's been taught up until now is that the ends justify the means. Since he knows he's going to give them back, I don't think he sees it as stealing. Or wrong. He's taken my wallet as well, just to make sure I can't sneak onto a train, as he put it."

The light became even grimmer. "Mine too."

They stood there for a few minutes, neither wanting to admit to having been outwitted by someone only just out of his teens, even if that someone _did _happen to be L.

"We could take one of the other cars," Matsuda suggested.

"Not unless you're an expert in hotwiring. I think Ryuzaki will have stashed the keys away somewhere."

"Oh."

They stood there a little longer.

"Um...we _could_ take Ryuzaki's."

Aizawa glanced at him, surprised. "I didn't know Ryuzaki had a car."

"He doesn't. He has a bright pink crepe van, although having said that I'm not sure where he keeps it, so I guess that's not much good either," Matsuda admitted. "Sorry."

"Well, he can't have immobilized everyone in Tokyo." Aizawa took out his cellphone. "I'll call Takahashi, see if he can give us a ride."

He dialed the number and put it on loudspeaker, and waited while it rang. And rang.

Matsuda was just about to suggest they call Sanami instead when Takahashi picked up the phone, sounding very out of breath.

"Yeah?"

"Takahashi-_san_? It's Aizawa."

Even if the phone hadn't been on loudspeaker, Matsuda would have heard Takahashi's groan. "Oh, don't tell me Yagami changed his mind! I'm supposed to be on vacation today!"

"No, nothing like that. You know, a funny thing happened on my way to—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, spare me, okay? You wouldn't call me today of all days unless you wanted something vital, so let's hear it."

Aizawa wasn't stupid enough to be offended or play dumb and so he said, "Matsuda and I have car trouble. We're missing our distributor caps and, well, we could really do with a ride into the office."

"How the hell did you _both_ manage to lose your distributor caps?" Takahashi demanded.

"I didn't lose it," Aizawa retorted.

"Nor did I!" interjected Matsuda, who hadn't much liked the emphasis the other detective had put on the first word.

There was a groan from the other end, but it was the groan of someone who has already capitulated, at least in their own mind, and is trying to make themselves feel better by complaining. "You do realize that I live in Shinjuku, don't you? That means I'm going to have to drive _past_ the NPA offices to pick you up and then drive all the way back. Why don't you just get the train?"

"Because my landlord took our wallets!"

"Why? Did you forget to pay the rent? Don't answer that." Takahashi sighed. "Alright, _fine_. I'll be there as soon as I can."

The line went dead and Matsuda folded his arms. "Well, that went well. Next time let's call Yagami-_bucho_ to play taxi."

Aizawa leaned back against the concrete pillar, gaze fixed on the entrance. "You're unusually bitter this morning, Matsuda. What happened? Your ex call again?"

"Shut up!"

"I'll take that as a yes." Aizawa shifted his weight. "Still, at least Yagami won't chew us out for being late, not when we tell him why."

Matsuda hesitated, biting on his bottom lip.

"Have we got to tell him why?" he asked at last. "We could just say that we got caught up persuading Ryuzaki to stay behind."

"Look, if you and Yagami want to try and be friends with him, that's your business – personally, I think you're wasting your time – but I'm not going to let him get away with stealing my wallet. If he is a freak, it won't matter what I say, and if he's normal, then he shouldn't go around doing things that would get a normal person arrested!"

"No," Matsuda said reluctantly. "I suppose not." He paused, then said in a more serious tone, "Just what have you got against him, anyway?"

Aizawa at least had the grace to consider the question seriously before replying, "To tell you the truth, I don't quite know. It's just...he's _so_ different. Anyway, since when have you become his champion, Matsuda? I seem to remember that the first time we arrived in that hotel room, I had to hold you back from attacking him."

"I didn't know him very well back then. Aizawa, did it never occur to you that maybe Ryuzaki didn't want to be involved in the Kira case? That he was being forced into it?"

The other detective shifted his weight, never taking his gaze off the entrance.

"Not really," he said candidly. "If he _was_ being forced into it, he was in a room full of police officers. Why didn't he say something?"

Matsuda gave him a withering look. "Would _you_ have said something? Besides, I know you, Aizawa. You never do anything for anyone unless there's some way you can benefit from it as well!"

Aizawa gave a long sigh, the sigh of a man who's doomed to a life of misunderstanding. "This is about the Izumo thing, isn't it?"

"Well—"

"For crying out loud, Matsuda, that was four years ago and we agreed on the terms before I went down there! You can say I squeezed you, you can say I took advantage of your good nature – not to mention your naivety – you can say I exploited you but the one thing you can't accuse me of doing is tricking you! Anyway, even if what you said about me is true, there were plenty of other detectives there besides me. If Ryuzaki had asked for help, you can't tell me that Yagami wouldn't have listened."

"Would _you_ have said something in that situation? Honestly? Because I overheard Watari telling Ryuzaki that we saw him as nothing but a tool and let's face it, none of us did much to prove him wrong!"

"Are you going to go off on one again?" Aizawa asked. "If so, you can save it; today's been bad enough already without you getting in on the act."

Matsuda sighed. "I'm just saying you should give him a break. He's been through a hell of a lot. I think it would be nice if he didn't have to keep looking over his shoulder the whole time."

Aizawa gave him a look that was half incredulous, half disgusted. "What do you think I'm going to do, ambush him? Look, I'll admit I don't like him and I don't like being around him, and I still don't understand why he's not investigating this case but I trust Yagami's judgment and so I've let the subject rest. I can't say I want to be friends with him, but that doesn't mean I'll go out of my way to make his life difficult. Especially since he's now my landlord."

"Yes, _did_ you pay him his key money yet?"

"No I did not!" Aizawa paused, took several deep breaths and sighed. "No. I'll pay him once this case is solved and I'm no longer on guard duty here."

"If you're hoping to persuade him to waive that key money, you'll be out of luck. I overheard him talking to someone on the phone a couple of days ago. Ryuzaki's got enough money to buy half of Tokyo. I mean, if those snooty restaurants in Ginza knew how rich he is, they'd be begging him to come visit them—"

"—just so long as he can sit like a normal person instead of curling up in a fetal position the whole time," Aizawa cut across acerbically.

Matsuda glared at him and didn't say another word until Takahashi's car pulled into the parking lot. Takahashi got out and glanced from Matsuda to Aizawa, taking in the atmosphere, and then sighed.

"Well, I can see this is going to be a _wonderful_ journey."

"Thanks for coming out on your day off," Matsuda told him.

"You're welcome, Matsuda-_san_. Never ask again!"

"This won't happen again," Aizawa assured him, sliding into the back seat. "If it ever does, we'll call someone else."

"You better. Tokyo traffic's bad at the best of times, but when you're supposed to be having a nice, relaxing lie in..." Takahashi didn't bother finishing the sentence. Getting in, he slammed the door, started the engine and drove out into the Tokyo traffic.

The heated silence between Aizawa and Matsuda continued until they arrived at the NPA car park, and then both of them broke it at once.

"_What_...?"

"Looks like someone won the lottery," Takahashi commented, upon seeing the gleaming and very expensive looking motorbike in the parking space by Soichiro's car. "Wish I could afford something like that. Though I'm not sure who'd come into the office on a _bike_ of all things, unless..." His voice tailed off and he frowned. "Hey, isn't that the guy Yagami brought into the office that day? What was his name—"

"Ryuzaki," Aizawa and Matsuda said in a dismal chorus. Soichiro really was _not_ going to like this.

"Yeah, that's it. Must've picked up a new lead."

For his own sake, Matsuda hoped that was true. If so, maybe the deputy director would just hit the roof, instead of going right through it.

Several seconds went past and both he and Aizawa just stared at the familiar figure leaning against the motorbike, black hair even messier than usual and a helmet tucked nonchalantly under his arm.

"How the hell did he get here before us?" Aizawa said out the corner of his mouth, all animosity forgotten in the face of this new disaster.

"No idea," Matsuda muttered back, getting out and slamming the door with a little more force than usual.

Next to them, Takahashi whistled softly. "Nice bike! Fireblade?"

"Yes." L looked hopeful. "Do you like bikes?"

"Oh hell yeah. Where did you get it?"

Something flickered in L's eyes. "A...friend of mine gave it to me." Glancing at Aizawa and Matsuda, he smiled. It wasn't a smirk – L wasn't much of a smirker – but there was a great deal more self-satisfaction than you'd get in an ordinary smile, in Matsuda's opinion. "Good morning."

"Give me back my wallet, Ryuzaki," Aizawa ordered without bothering to return the greeting.

"Of course." L held out both Matsuda and Aizawa's wallets. "I left the distributor caps in Matsuda's apartment. You can pick them up tonight."

"Yagami-_bucho_ told you to stay at home," Matsuda reminded him.

"Soichiro Yagami is not my boss. Besides, I thought everyone wanted this case solved." L amused himself attempting to balance his helmet on one finger, apparently oblivious to the glare that Matsuda was now fixing him with. "You didn't honestly think that you could outwit me as easily as that, did you? I _know_ Yagami. He's the best man I've ever met, but he places rather too much trust in his people's cunning. I knew he would order you not to drive me anywhere, so while he was doing that, I disabled your cars to force you into contacting me and borrowed your wallets. I didn't take anything out of them – I didn't even look in them, to tell you the truth – I just wanted to make sure you couldn't use public transport."

Aizawa, who had just finished checking the contents of his wallet and found everything all present and correct, relaxed a little. "You didn't know we would ask Takahashi-_san_ for a ride."

"He's not the only one," Takahashi muttered. "You owe me gas money, Aizawa-_san_."

"On the contrary," L remarked, flipping the helmet up for one final spin before catching it on the toe of his foot and kicking it neatly back under his arm again. "I was well aware you would be in touch with him. People tend to call on the ones they see the most, and Takahashi-_san_ has been rather prominent in investigating this case. You would either call him or Ueda-_san_. However, since Takahashi-_san_ happens to be deskmates with Aizawa and a lot closer to your ages, I calculated there was an eighty seven percent chance that he would be the first person you called. Obviously, I can't manipulate _everything_, so I had a backup plan just in case." L patted the motorcycle as Exhibit A. "The second you were kind enough to tell me what you were going to do, I went straight to the emergency garage and arranged my own transport. Motorcycles are better than cars anyway; you can nip in between traffic much more easily." He smiled. "Shall we?"

Without waiting for an answer, he turned and sauntered toward the entrance, still toying with his helmet.

"Do you think he has some kind of new lead?" Aizawa wondered.

"What I think," Matsuda said gloomily, "is that Yagami-_bucho_ is going to kill us both."


	24. Confrontation

**PianoCatRulez:** Thanks XD

**JUNE 19**

Soichiro was on his way back from a meeting with Tatenaka – which had been unpleasant but blessedly short – when a young man in a t-shirt and sweatpants which looked like they'd been used for decorating fell into step behind him.

The deputy director was just wondering where he'd seen him before when the stranger cleared his throat.

"Yagami-_bucho_."

It was such a shock to see Takahashi out of his normal work clothes that it took Soichiro a few seconds to process it.

_Now I know how Ryuzaki felt that time._

"Weren't you supposed to be starting your vacation today?" he asked.

"_Yes_!"

Soichiro halted, taken aback by the vehemence of the reply. "What?"

"I was called in to play taxi and everyone else seems to think I've changed my mind about taking four days off. I'm just glad my flight doesn't leave until this evening. So if you don't mind, Yagami-_bucho_, can I give you the messages I have for you and get going?"

"You can give me the messages, but since you're here, I want you to hang on for a few minutes. There's something I have to discuss with the department and you may as well hear it now as when you get back."

Takahashi swallowed his protest with a visible effort and said, "Alright. Well, the reporters want to know if the NPA is going to issue another press release, someone called Sato wants to know if he can make a private appointment to see you, Tatenaka wants to know if you have any kind of progress and _I_ want to know if I can get a refund from the office for the gas I had to use bringing Aizawa and Matsuda in today."

Soichiro didn't break stride as he answered, "And the answers are _no, no, no, _and _hell no_."

Takahashi sighed. "Oh well, it was worth a try. By the way, I showed Ryuzaki into your office."

"Right."

They were halfway down the corridor when Soichiro's brain processed what his ears had just heard and he caught hold of Takahashi's arm.

"You did what?" he said in a strained voice.

Takahashi glanced at his boss, surprised. "Well, he was in the parking lot when I arrived with Matsuda and Aizawa. I thought he had some new lead, so as I said, I showed him into your office. Was that wrong?"

Extremely so, in Soichiro's opinion, but he kept that little gem to himself.

"No. No, that's fine. Thank you." _Ryuzaki, you're a dead man._

Soichiro stalked toward his office, barely returning greetings and noticing that Aizawa and Matsuda's greetings were a little more subdued than usual. He'd let them sweat for a while, although he didn't actually blame them. Takahashi had said L was already there when they arrived, and although he was on good terms with the pair and often went out drinking with them, Soichiro didn't think Takahashi was close enough to lie for either of them. He supposed he should have known better than to think that anyone in the NPA would be able to stop L if L decided he didn't want to be stopped.

Pushing open the door, he stepped inside and glared at the young man, who was standing in the middle of his office and looking for all the world as though he had a perfect right to be there.

Soichiro closed the door again, leaned against it and said curtly, "Ryuzaki, you have two seconds to tell me how you got here ahead of me!"

"There's an underground garage attached to the apartment block. I just borrowed one of the motorbikes. They're a lot better than cars when it comes to those annoying traffic jams. And looking cool," L added. "I did consider wearing sunglasses, but it seemed rather absurd since nobody would see them underneath the visor."

"Well, I'm glad you had the common sense to wear a helmet at any rate. I thought you said you didn't have a license."

"I said I don't have a _car_ license. I persuaded Watari that handling a motorbike was a vital skill in case I needed to get away quickly. Though the license would have been issued in one of my aliases so I suppose technically I don't have a motorcycle license either." L considered this, then announced, "I'll have to get one. I like bikes."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "You never mentioned that."

"You never asked," L answered, somewhat predictably. "And I didn't think you would approve. You don't seem like someone who would like someone who likes bikes."

"Ryuzaki, I don't care if you want to go around Tokyo on a pogo stick. I _do, _however, care that you're exhausted, in a highly charged emotional state and you decided to put yourself in control of a vehicle when you're not even a very experienced driver!"

L smothered a yawn. "Well, how much sleep did _you_ get last night, Yagami-_san_?"

Soichiro wasn't about to give the young man the satisfaction of hearing him answer that question and so he pretended interest in a file lying on his desk. "We're not talking about me; we're talking about what it's going to take to get you to develop some common sense!"

L stared at him, a troubled expression on his face. "Are you angry with me?"

Soichiro slammed the file down on his desk hard enough to send papers fluttering to the floor.

"_Yes_!"

"Why? I didn't damage Matsuda or Aizawa's cars; as soon as they put the distributor caps back, they'll be fine."

"Because you manipulated two of my men, severely inconvenienced a third _and_ committed theft into the bargain!"

"I did not force Aizawa or Matsuda to contact Takahashi-_san_, Yagami-_san, _nor did I commit theft," L answered in a tone of offended dignity. "For your information, I happen to own that motorbike. Well, as much as I own the building," he amended.

"You broke into two cars and took the distributor caps from both of them, Ryuzaki! What would you call _that_ if not theft?"

"Acquisitive vandalism at most. Seriously though, did you think that Matsuda and Aizawa would be able to outwit _me_?"

The obvious answer was _no_. It would have been like a four year old trying to win a game of chess against a grandmaster. The two detectives would have given L a few seconds' amusement, nothing more.

"I thought they would be able to _stop_ you," Soichiro answered, with a smoldering look at the door leading to the department.

"Well, they sort of did. I mean, even after I took the distributor caps and their wallets, they still refused to give in to me. Of course, that didn't matter since you know I always have a backup plan."

"I also thought you had enough common sense to do what I said and get some sleep after the night you had," the deputy director answered coldly.

"But you didn't tell me to get some sleep, Yagami-_san,_" L pointed out. "You just told me to get a shower, a change of clothes and some food, all of which I did before coming here. And you said you wouldn't take me into work yourself, but you never forbade me to come here under my own steam."

Soichiro opened his mouth and hesitated for a split second as he thought back. Damn. No, he hadn't told L that, had he?

"Aren't you tired?" he said instead.

L looked startled, then he said, "A little, I suppose, but I've been worse. Please don't blame your men though; they did do their best to stop me." A small smile appeared on his face. "It was quite entertaining actually."

"I'm glad you find my concern for your health so amusing, Ryuzaki. I can assure you that I don't."

The smile vanished. "I don't find it amusing at all, Yagami-_san._ Just a bit weird, especially from someone who went for three days without sleep on the Kira case. How would you have felt if Sachiko-_san_ had locked you in the house and said she was too concerned about your health to let you participate?"

"My son happened to be the prime suspect in that case, in case you'd forgotten!"

"Except you refused to believe he was guilty until that night in the old HQ when he tried to kill us all," L countered, "so you should have been able to kick back and relax. And on the subject of cases—"

"We're not _on_ that subject, Ryuzaki, and we're not going to get on it either."

"Just tell me one thing, Yagami-_san_!" L insisted. "Where were they killed?"

Soichiro was loath to encourage him, but answering the question was probably quicker than arguing and the young man might be able to help. "You know where they were killed; in their own homes, or hotel rooms in that one—"

"Were they on tables?" L interrupted.

Soichiro stared at him, mouth dry. "_What_ did you say?"

"The victims," L repeated impatiently. "Were they on tables when they were killed?"

How the hell could he have worked that out? Well, he could have hacked into the NPA archives, but then he wouldn't have asked about the bodies being on tables; he would have stated that they were.

"Yes," Soichiro said aloud. "Does this have something to do with your theory? The one you won't share with me?"

"Yes, and I still won't until I have a lot more evidence to support it. You rely on me and my reputation far too much, Yagami-_san_. I don't want to say something that will send the NPA haring off on completely the wrong tack."

"I think some of us feel that if we went haring off on any tack at all, it would be a start," Takahashi observed.

There was a long silence as the other two absorbed this, then turned simultaneously to see the detective leaning against the closed door.

"How long have you been standing there?" Soichiro barked.

Takahashi blinked, a puzzled look on his face. "Who, me? I'm very sorry, Yagami-_bucho_, but I think you must be mistaken. I'm on vacation today, so I can't possibly have heard anything you and L just said to each other."

Even in his sleep deprived state, Soichiro wasn't going to let that slip.

"What makes you think Ryuzaki is L?" he asked, as neutrally as possible.

Never taking his eyes off his boss' face, Takahashi replied, "The fact that the only people he addressed by name were those who had been on the Kira task force. A little strange for someone who was here just as a friend of your daughter." He shrugged. "I'm not interested in spreading this around the office, so you don't have to worry." Squinting at L, he added, "You know, it's funny, but I always imagined you older."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you."

"Oh, I'm not disappointed, just surprised." Takahashi turned his attention to Soichiro. "Yagami-_bucho—_"

"I'll be out in a moment, Takahashi." Soichiro injected a note of steel into his voice; he was damned if he was going to let his department come and chivvy him along.

Takahashi bowed and vanished back through the door.

Soichiro waited a few minutes, just to make his point, then pointed to a chair. "Ryuzaki, sit down there and don't even _think_ of moving until I get back!"

L kicked off his sneakers and hopped onto the chair obligingly, curling up and staring at Soichiro's bookshelf, resting his face on his knees.

_One problem solved. And if I play this right, it'll stay solved._

Opening the door, Soichiro stepped into the department and waited until absolute quiet had descended before speaking.

"For those of you who may not be aware, the mayor of Chiyoda has a daughter who is getting married on the twenty fourth of June. As you all know, this is the predicted date of the next murder. I've been informed that the mayor expects a fairly strong police presence at the wedding reception, especially in the light of what's just happened. So I'm calling for volunteers. Any questions?"

There was a short pause. Then Suzuki said, "Does that include our families?"

"No. You're not going along on a social basis; you're there to keep an eye on things."

"Well, that's Suzuki out," Aizawa murmured very quietly. Suzuki had recently married his college sweetheart and the first flush of love hadn't worn off yet.

"So if we're not officially invited, what do we say when someone asks who we are or which table we're at?" Ueda wanted to know.

"No one knows everyone at these things," Matsuda retorted. "They'll just assume you're with the other side of the family, or married to one of the guests. We could walk right in off the street and nobody would notice."

"Yes," Soichiro said flatly. "I believe that's the mayor's fear as well. The reception's being held at the Fujiko Hotel on Lake Saiko. Matsuda, I want you along; you're the best one at handling a gun."

There was a long silence. Then Aizawa said, "Do you think it's going to come to that, Yagami-_bucho_?"

"To be honest, I doubt it. The killers seem to be concentrating on or around central Tokyo, in..." Soichiro broke off as he considered this for the first time. "Special wards," he finished in a different tone of voice.

Was that significant? Were these people killing one victim in each of the special wards, like that Zodiac killer in the West targeting star signs?

_If that's true, then our job just got even harder. _

There was a silence as this sank in to the rest of the room, then Aizawa said, "I'll volunteer. After all, I've been involved in the crime scenes since the beginning, and _someone's _going to have to keep an eye on Matsuda."

Matsuda raised his eyebrows. "I didn't know you cared."

Soichiro just nodded. He wasn't fooled; Aizawa's desire to go wasn't born out of any altruistic feelings toward Matsuda nor an overdeveloped work ethic (although he did have one of those). He just didn't want to turn down the chance of a free dinner in a luxurious hotel.

_Well, he'll do his job, which is the main thing. _Aizawa may have been an opportunist, but he was a professional one, and despite that, Soichiro was sure the other detective had been telling the truth when he'd said he wanted to see it through.

"I'll go," Ueda volunteered.

Soichiro glanced at him. "Alright. So that's Matsuda, Aizawa, Ueda and Takahashi."

"Huh?" Takahashi's head snapped up, an alarmed look on his face. "_I_ didn't volunteer!"

"No, you've been drafted. If I know the mayor, there'll be quite a few foreign guests there as well. I may need someone who's fluent in English. It's on the same day you get back, so you can come straight there from your apartment."

Takahashi opened his mouth, caught sight of Soichiro's forbidding expression and closed it again in a hurry.

"Yes, Yagami-_bucho_."

"Good. Officially it starts at six thirty, but the mayor wants us there by five. We'll need to have a look around and familiarize ourselves with the surroundings."

There was a silence, then Sanami spoke up. "Yagami-_bucho_, doesn't the hotel have security?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, so did the hotel where that child was murdered. You can't blame the mayor for wanting to take additional precautions." Privately, Soichiro thought the man was making a fuss about nothing, but that wasn't his decision. "Anyway, our job is to be there."

The words lacked conviction, possibly because he believed the same thing he suspected most of the department did; that their job was to protect the general public, not hang around at a wedding reception in the next prefecture just to protect one mayor's daughter when it was highly unlikely that she'd be the next target.

_On the other hand, since we don't have a clue who the next target will be, we'd probably be just as helpless here in Tokyo._

Turning, he walked back into his office. He did so very quietly and when he got in, he found it was just as he'd hoped; exhausted and left alone in a warm, comfortable office, L had fallen asleep.

He stayed asleep for the whole day. Soichiro bought some strawberries and a packed lunch at midday, just in case the young man woke up hungry, but L never so much as stirred as the day drew into evening. After everything he'd been through that morning, the deputy director wasn't surprised.

_Alright. What about these special wards_?

Soichiro called up a map and printed it out, crossing off the wards where bodies had been found, then stared at it, his pulse quickening.

There was a pattern, of sorts. At the very least, the crossed-off wards were adjacent to Bunkyo, in the center, although Bunkyo itself remained untouched. Did that mean the killers were based there and targeting neighboring wards?

_If that's so, then the next murder will be in either Kita or Shinjuku. Those are the only adjacent wards to Bunkyo that we haven't found a body in. _At the very least, the murder sites being clustered in the center of Tokyo couldn't be a coincidence. If the killers were striking at random wards, surely they'd be a lot _more_ random?

_So what do I do? It's not like we can evacuate both districts, or even one; that's just stupid. Maybe—_

A muffled argument from outside his door dragged Soichiro off that train of thought and he glanced up, irritated.

_Now what_?

Matsuda's voice rose above the protests. "I told you, you can't go in there! If you—hey!"

The door slammed open and a man in his forties strode in, trailing Matsuda like a noisy satellite.

"I'm sorry, Yagami-_bucho_; he insisted!"

Soichiro rose to his feet, a cold feeling spreading through his body as he stared at the intruder.

_Is this what hate feels like?_

"It's alright, Matsuda. You can go."

Matsuda bowed and vanished, shutting the door behind him. There was a long, long silence.

"So you're Sato," Soichiro remarked.

"Not exactly an L-worthy deduction, Yagami-_san_, seeing as how my picture is currently being run and rerun in every Japanese newspaper in existence. But yes. I'm Sato."

"I know why you're here. You can't have Ryuzaki and if you wake him, I'll throw you out myself." Soichiro kept his voice low. He really didn't want L waking up to see Sato there, and not just because the young man would probably freak out big time. "Sit down. No," he added when Sato started for the chair next to L, "over here." He indicated a chair in front of his desk.

Sato raised his eyebrows, but came over without hesitating. "Do you think I'm going to grab L and run with him, Yagami-_san_? He's a little too heavy for me to get very far."

Soichiro's face didn't change from its stern countenance. "No. But I wouldn't put it past you to inject him with something to force me to take him to the hospital and then snatch him from his hospital room. You've already tried to kidnap him twice."

Sato relaxed into the chair, looking as though this was nothing more than a friendly chat. "Once. I didn't kidnap him in Osaka; he came back to the house at a time when I happened to be there."

"At which point you shot him with a dart gun and locked him in the basement," Soichiro pointed out. "I'm surprised you didn't tie him to the chair while you were at it."

"It did cross my mind," the other man admitted, "but I thought if L managed to escape, then rope burn on his wrists would be pretty damning evidence. As it is, you only have his word for what happened."

"So if you already accepted the fact that he could escape, you must have planted a tracer on him when he was unconscious. Where is it?"

"I didn't plant anything on him, Yagami-_san_. If there is some kind of bug, Watari's the one who put it there, not me. Do you often second-guess people like this?"

"Only since I started looking after Ryuzaki." There had been a certain amount of second-guessing involved in raising Light, especially when he'd been a little boy, but Soichiro didn't see any need to go into details.

Sato chuckled. "Yes, I imagine you have your work cut out containing him. He does have an unfortunate stubborn streak. It's gotten worse as he's grown older. Funny though; the reports Watari sent back implied that he'd managed to train it out of him."

"I suppose these reports came in just after Kyoto," Soichiro commented and had the immense satisfaction of seeing Sato look momentarily discomfited.

"Who told you about that?"

"Ryuzaki, a few seconds before he told me his real name."

"Impossible. None of the field agents who come out of Wammy's House remember their real name."

"Yes they do. They're just too frightened of the consequences to let on. What exactly do you do to them in that damn House?"

Sato shook his head. "I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_, but the methods used are highly confidential. I'm not permitted to discuss them with you, even if I were inclined to."

Soichiro felt the cold inside him begin to turn to a slow, angry burn. "Whatever you say, I won't let you take Ryuzaki. For the first time since your precious House kidnapped him to add to its collection, he's got a chance at a normal life. Why won't you just let him go? He's no threat to you."

"The conditions of L's new life were laid out very clearly when he first arrived. He agreed to them and signed a legally binding contract."

"Which might be something of a concern if he hadn't been eight years old at the time and fresh off a plane journey where he'd been forced to work for twelve hours without a break! He was too tired to understand what he was doing, and in any case, I don't believe a minor can make decisions of that magnitude without a parent's consent."

Sato stuffed both hands into his pockets and shrugged.

"You're right," he conceded. "But by a happy coincidence, he was in our custody and as his handler and manager of Wammy's House, Watari was more than willing to _give_ that consent. It really was quite stupid of you to get attached to him, Yagami-_san_. You must have known he'd be going back to us and any further involvement with you would be curtailed. Friends are no more than a distraction and serve no useful purpose. You've done far more harm than good and made his life a lot harder; it's going to be painful for him to go back to work now that you've done your best to break his conditioning." Sato sighed, the sigh of a man facing a thankless task. "Do you have any idea how difficult it's going to be to retrain him?"

Soichiro stared at him for a few moments. "Are all Wammy's House handlers this obtuse, or are you a special case? Read my lips: Ryuzaki is not going with you."

"Don't be too sure of that. I caught him twice, Yagami-_san_. I can catch him again. Catch and _keep_, this time."

Soichiro stilled the sudden flash of anger that shot through him at Sato's casual words. "He's not a damn animal!"

"He's not far off. He doesn't act like we do. He doesn't think or feel like we do."

"Whose fault is _that_?" Soichiro rose to his feet, staring Sato down. Standing up also enabled him to slip a finger under his desk and press the alarm button located there. He just hoped it worked; he'd never used it himself and he couldn't remember his predecessor ever doing so.

"Well, it's true that those children special enough to be selected for Wammy's House do need to undergo some very in-depth conditioning, at least until they've been taught what's expected of them and how fortunate they are to have an opportunity of changing the world, and they do have to be taught to depend on their handler for everything, else how would that handler control them? But whatever horror stories you may be concocting in that mind of yours, Yagami-_san_, no child in Wammy's House is ever hurt during this conditioning."

Damn, maybe the alarm button _didn't_ work. "What about Mello?"

Sato shrugged. "Like many injuries, it looked far worse than it was. Whatever L has told you about him, I'm sure it's exaggerated. Besides, Mello was the only one who was so persistent about escaping, so as his handler, I made the decision to mark him in some way. I assure you, I took no personal pleasure in the job."

Oddly enough, Soichiro believed him; the other man's tone was so factual that it was hard not to.

_Whatever. This has gone far enough_.

He opened his mouth, then closed it again as Matsuda crashed through the door, one hand fumbling for his gun.

_Well, it's about time, _Soichiro thought.

"Hideaki Sato, you are under arrest."

Sato stared at him, a rather stunned look on his face. "On what grounds?"

"Assault and kidnapping for starters. Or did you think I'd forgotten you attacked Ryuzaki right outside Tatenaka's office? I'm sure Tatenaka himself will support me on this, especially as he's been pushing me to find you ever since your face appeared in that newspaper."

"Yagami-_san_, if you think for one moment you're going to—"

"What I think is that Wammy's House has worked with the law for so long that it's begun to think that it's _above_ the law. Assault and kidnap are both very serious crimes, although since both you and your victim are Japanese, that'll simplify things considerably. Matsuda!"

The young detective grabbed Sato's wrists and yanked them behind the man's back, snapping the handcuffs on, then half escorted, half shoved him through the door (and Soichiro pretended not to notice that it had been a very _hard _shove). He was just glad L had slept through the whole thing, although he wasn't sure _how_.

_I'd better get him home. _It wasn't like he was making much headway here; so far every lead had proved to be a dead end.

The deputy director took a long breath, held it for a few seconds, then expelled it as he looked at L's slumbering form.

_Alright, Ryuzaki. You win. Once you're fully rested, I'll bring you on board, albeit in an unofficial capacity. It doesn't seem like I have much choice, not if I want to find the people behind this._

He reached out and took hold of L's shoulder. "Ryuzaki?"

L jerked awake, eyes wide, then caught sight of Soichiro and relaxed. "Yagami-_san_? How long have I been asleep?"

"All day."

"_What_?" L stared at him. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"I just did, didn't I? It's time to leave."

The young man rubbed sleep out of his eyes, blinking. "Are _you_ leaving?"

"Yes. Come on, we can ride back together."

"What about my bike?"

"Your bike, Ryuzaki, stays here. You're so tired that I wouldn't trust you to ride it home. You can pick it up tomorrow."

L's eyes lit up. "You mean you're bringing me back to join the investigation?"

"No, I mean you can come and get your bike. If you find anything else out about the case, I'll certainly listen to you, but making you a civilian consultant for the NPA isn't going to happen. There are various procedures involved in doing that and I haven't followed any of them. To be honest, I was taking enough of a risk bringing you in out the blue to talk to everyone about the dates."

The young man was silent, considering this and possibly considering just how far he could push Soichiro. At last he said, "You can't stop me investigating in my own time, Yagami-_san_."

"You're absolutely right. I can't, and I won't. And if you do want to spend your free time working on this, I'd be glad to hear what you find out."

The light in L's eyes changed to one of comprehension and he smiled slightly. "Ah. Understood. Then if I am going to work on this, can we stop off at a shop on the way home?"

"You look like you're too tired to shop as well. Whatever you want to buy, it can wait until tomorrow. Come on."

L stretched, spine crackling audibly, a sleepy smile on his face. "Can we at least get strawberries?"

"I bought you some earlier." Soichiro handed the box to a suddenly wide-awake L, who grabbed it and dived in. "Don't you ever get sick of eating those?"

"If I were sick of them, I wouldn't have asked you if we could get some," L pointed out. He looked in the box, hesitated, then didn't offer it to Soichiro so much as thrust it at him. "Here."

It wasn't the most gracious invitation to share the deputy director had ever received, but the fact L had made it at all spoke volumes and he took one of the strawberries.

"Thank you."

Apparently satisfied that he'd done his duty, L went back to the important job of finishing the box before his generous impulse could overtake him a second time.

As soon as he'd swallowed the last one, he tossed the box into the trashcan and turned a pleading look on Soichiro. "Can we get some more on the way home?"

"Ryuzaki, you just ate enough to feed an entire family!"

"I know that, but I don't have anything to eat back in my apartment and I might want a midnight snack. I often do."

Soichiro rolled his eyes. "Alright. We'll get you some on the way back. But you can wait in the car while I go in and buy them; if you come in with me you'll spend hours measuring every single strawberry in every single box just to make sure you get your money's worth."

Something flickered in L's eyes. "In that case, I think I'll skip it."

The older man blinked. For L to turn down an offer of strawberries meant that there had to be something _seriously _wrong.

"What?" he said.

"I..." L swallowed and looked away, moistening his lips. "I don't want to be alone right now."

Soichiro folded his arms. "We're talking ten minutes in the grocery store. What you _really _mean is that you think Sato might be waiting for me to take you out in public and leave you alone."

"Partly," L conceded. "And to use your own words, Yagami-_san, _if you think you can get rid of me as easy as that, you've got another think coming."

"Ryuzaki, I've told you already; I'm not going to leave you."

A slightly bitter smile twisted L's mouth. "Watari said he wouldn't, but he did."

"Ah." Soichiro's voice was very quiet. "I see."

"You think I'm an idiot because I miss him."

"No." The deputy director crossed over and sat down opposite L, moving into the young man's line of sight. "No, I don't think that at all. Watari was with you twenty four seven and he was the only human contact you had for years at a time, not to mention being the closest thing you had to a father." _Albeit not a very good one_, he added to himself. "How could you _not_ miss him?"

L just blinked at him drowsily, and Soichiro supposed the young man was too exhausted to register what had been said. Luckily he was prepared for that.

"Here." He retrieved the coffee from his desk and handed a cup to L. "It's not the best in the world, but it should wake you up enough to get you into the car and back to the apartment."

L stared at it for a long time, then took it and sipped at it, grimacing.

"Did anything interesting happen when I was asleep?"

"Well, I had to reschedule another meeting with that reporter who wanted to know when we were going to make some kind of progress on the case."

"Probably right around the time you bring me in on it in an official capacity. I'll be able to solve it much quicker if you give me free rein in the NPA."

Soichiro couldn't deny this, which is why his voice was a little sharper than usual when he said, "We've discussed this."

"No we haven't. You just said _no_. That's hardly a meaningful discussion, Yagami-_san_."

The older man sighed. "Well, I can see you're waking up quickly."

"I learned to do that with Watari. He didn't like me when I was sleepy." L took another mouthful of coffee. "Anything else happen?"

"I had Tatenaka shouting at me on the phone wanting to know when I was going to have some answers for him—"

"Mm." L upended his coffee cup, emptying it into his mouth.

"—and then I had what you might call a showdown with Sato."

L's coffee sprayed across the room. "_What_? He came here? Where is he now?"

He glanced around wildly, as though expecting Sato to jump out from behind the door.

"In a cell."

The young man stared at him, eyes huge. Eventually he said, "W-what?"

"I'll draft up a press release tonight, say we've arrested him for kidnapping and assault and that we're questioning him in connection with the murders. Though I don't believe he had anything to do with them," Soichiro added.

"No, he's not a murderer. Who did he assault?"

"You, of course. Or had you forgotten that he beat you up outside Tatenaka's office?"

L didn't answer for a few seconds, then he said, "Oh," very quietly.

"Ryuzaki...I have to ask you something. You once warned me that Sato would use Sachiko or Sayu to force me to hand you over. I need to know, what..." Soichiro cleared his throat. "What exactly would he do?"

L looked at Soichiro with a kind of quiet sympathy. "Not what you're afraid of."

"Are you sure?"

The young man nodded, nipping at his thumbnail. "I'm certain. There was an incident in Wammy's House when one of the staff – not a handler, just a caretaker – turned out to be...ah...how can I put this? A little too fond of the children? Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"Yes." Soichiro cleared his throat. "You...did he ever—"

"No," L answered. "He wasn't interested in boys."

"Right." The older man glanced around and picked up his coffee, hoping it would provide some kind of distraction.

"Yagami-_san_?" L tilted his head on one side, looking uncertain. "Do you want me to continue?"

"Not really, but I think I need to know, so please go on."

"Well, they always had some of the staff on patrol. I was, um, up and about when this happened."

"You mean you were trying to run away?"

L shook his head, no longer looking at Soichiro. "No. I'd given up any thoughts of escape by that time, at least temporarily. I was trying to steal food. I'd only been there about two months and I was so, _so_ sick of sugar you wouldn't believe it. I knew they had good food because I'd seen the staff eating it, so I was trying to get my hands on some rice or a bit of chicken. I like chicken almost as much as I like strawberries. Hot, juicy, savory—Yagami-_san, _I've changed my mind. Can we get chicken on the way home instead of strawberries?"

"Yes, if we pass a street vendor. What happened that night when you were trying to steal food?"

"Sato had...an encounter with that staff member. I'd seen Sato around before, but we'd never spoken. He was a handler waiting for his next assignment, and everyone knew Watari had claimed me as his, so there was no reason for us to socialize. The first real meeting _I_ had with him was years later, when I went back and met Mello."

"What happened to that other staff member?" Soichiro forced himself to ask.

L shrugged. "Sato found him before he'd had time to do a great deal. I heard raised voices while on my way to the kitchens, so I went to investigate. I got there just in time to see Sato beat this guy to a pulp. For months afterward, the girl who was attacked used to follow Sato everywhere, using him as a kind of bodyguard, I suppose. He never encouraged her, but he never tried to send her away either, and I know for a fact he kept a very close watch on that staff member afterward, even coming in on his nights off, until the guy finally left. So no. He might physically attack your wife and your daughter if they refused to tell him where I am, but I promise you he would never, ever go beyond that. And you know I'm not just saying this to defend him."

Soichiro was silent. There was no doubting L's sincerity but all the same, he didn't feel quite so relieved as he expected to.

L smiled a little. "It's not easy knowing good things about the people you're fighting, is it, Yagami-_san_?"

Soichiro shook his head wryly. "You know, for someone who claims not to know a whole lot about feelings, you can be very insightful sometimes."

The smile broadened. "Thank you."

"Even if you're also the most stubborn, exasperating young man in Japan," the deputy director couldn't help adding. "Come on. Let's go home; it's getting late and you're still tired."

"You sound like Watari. He was always telling me how I felt about something. _L, you don't want to eat yakitori; you don't like chicken. No, you don't like rice either. You only like to eat what I give you_."

Soichiro glanced at him. "I thought he brought you whatever you wanted."

"Oh, so long as what I wanted was sugary, he did." There was a long silence, then L said very quietly, "I...have a confession to make, Yagami-_san_."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Go on."

L swallowed, rubbing his foot on the back of his other leg. "Well...when we were investigating Kira right in the beginning...do you remember there was that packed lunch your wife made for you on the first day? That really nice one with the salmon and rice and eggs and seaweed crackers and those miniature _gyoza_? The one that, um, sort of disappeared?"

Soichiro folded his arms, a mock stern expression on his face. "Am I to assume by your intimate knowledge of my lunch and the rather nostalgic tone of your voice that you had something to do with its disappearance?"

L squirmed. "Well...yeah. I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_. I only meant to try a little – Watari was asleep and I knew if he heard eating he'd just assume it was you – but it was so good I couldn't stop. And I _was_ starving," he added as though hoping this would defuse the deputy director.

"Ryuzaki, if you wanted some of our food that badly, why didn't you just ask?"

"Because I didn't have any money, and I hate begging. And..." The rest of L's sentence was lost in another huge yawn.

"_And_ I stand by what I said before. You're tired, and that's not a hint, just an observation."

"How can I be tired? I just slept all day." L stretched. "I suppose I could throw some cold water into my face or slap myself a couple of times. That usually works."

"Or you could just come home and sleep," Soichiro pointed out.

"I dislike sleeping, Yagami-_san_. My dreams are never good and besides, I'm not used to it. I don't sleep like you do. I just nap."

"You weren't napping today, Ryuzaki; you were out for the count."

"I..." L's voice tailed off and he stared at nothing – Soichiro doubted the young man had even heard him – then said, "I mean, I always used to. I don't understand why I'm sleeping so much. I'm a chronic insomniac."

"Even chronic insomniacs get exhausted. Now come on, before you fall asleep in my office again."

"I like your office." L glanced around as if seeing it for the first time. "It's cozy."

"Well, good. It's even nicer inside the car."

"I doubt that, unless it's become standard practice in Japan to install pot plants in one's car. Yagami-_san_, why _am_ I tired?"

Seeing that it was a genuine question and not another stalling attempt, Soichiro answered, "Probably because you had no sleep last night, you nearly fell off the roof—" and the deputy director thought he'd have some nasty dreams about that one even if L didn't— "and you've just run an emotional gauntlet that would have broken most people before they were halfway through. You'll be fine once you've caught up."

"But I never had this before when I was working on cases. I used to go for three or four nights with only a short nap or two when no one was looking. Is it just because I'm weird?"

"No, it's because you've been through a lot in the last few weeks." Had it really been just under three weeks since L had come back with him? It seemed a lifetime ago. "That's all it is. I guarantee it. Now let's get going; you can sleep in the car."

"No. I want to go down to the cells."

"Ryuzaki—"

"I have to see him, Yagami-_san_. It's not that I think you're lying, but I need to see it with my own eyes. Please."

Soichiro studied L for several minutes, then nodded once. It would probably be for the best.

"Alright, I suppose you do. Come on."

He led L down to the cells – the mention of Sato had woken the young man up, at least for the moment – and indicated the fourth door on the left.

"He's in there. You can look, but don't disturb him."

L shifted his weight, edging back until he bumped into Soichiro.

"Go on." Soichiro's voice was sympathetic but firm. "You were right, Ryuzaki; you do need to see it."

The young man shuffled forward again, every muscle tense, until he reached the cell door and stared in through the small window. He looked at it for a long time, then turned and came back.

"What crime did you arrest him for?"

_Boy, you really must be tired if you're asking me that again so soon,_ Soichiro thought.

"Kidnapping and assault, although the papers will find out and say it's because he's the murderer. I'll sort that out later." The deputy director hesitated, then said more quietly, "You realize that under the law, we can only hold him for twenty three days, don't you? If you want him convicted, you'll have to formally press charges."

L nodded. There was a new, determined light in his eyes that Soichiro hadn't seen before. "How soon can we start?"

The deputy director shook his head. "I can't be involved with this. I'm too close to you; any defense lawyer would rip that apart. You'd have to talk about it with another detective."

The light died out of L's eyes, replaced by an uncertain look. "Yagami-_san_, I'm barely comfortable talking to _you_ about it."

"It's your choice. But I'm sure Tatenaka would step up as a witness if you did."

"Can't you do that bit?"

Soichiro shook his head. "No, for the simple reason that I didn't see it happen. What's going to happen with Wammy's House? Will they send someone else after you?"

L looked away. "No. That's not how it works. Sato's my handler now, so he has sole responsibility for containing me. If another handler comes along while my current handler is still on the scene, I'll become confused and won't know who to obey." This in the dull monotone of something learned by rote. "Face to face contact with other people outside of Wammy's House is strictly forbidden except in emergencies for precisely that reason, Yagami-_san_."

"I see," Soichiro said very quietly. "But the task force came to your hotel suite."

L was silent for a few moments. At last he said in a low tone, "You and the task force were the first people I'd met in two years. And I got in a _lot_ of trouble for that when you left that first night." He looked away, biting on his thumbnail.

Was that what Matsuda had heard when he'd gone back? There was no way Soichiro would find out short of asking L outright, and the young man didn't seem much inclined to talk about it.

"You didn't exactly force us to come," Soichiro pointed out. "As I recall, we were the ones who demanded a meeting with _you_."

L shrugged and didn't answer.

_Oh, leave him alone. He did a lot of talking this morning on some pretty heavy subjects. Let the poor kid rest._

"Come on. It's been one hell of a day for both of us, though I think you got the worst of it. You'll feel a lot better once you've had a good night's sleep."

L didn't look convinced, but it seemed he was too tired to argue; he followed Soichiro meekly to the parking lot and over to the car.

"Yagami-_san_?"

"Yes?"

"When we get back, can you just drop me in the car park? I'll walk the rest of the way. I...I don't want to inconvenience you."

Soichiro gave him a long, long look as he got into the driver's seat, L scrambling in next to him.

"What you really mean is that you don't want to have to face Sachiko and Sayu again. You can't hide from them forever, Ryuzaki."

L squirmed, getting more comfortable. "I don't want to hide _forever_; only tonight. I don't feel up to any conversation, Yagami-_san, _unless it's with you. I just want to curl up and sleep. Having emotions is exhausting."

He closed his eyes, snuggling deeper into the car seat.

"It certainly is when you bottle them up for as long as you have," Soichiro couldn't resist saying.

L made a kind of sleepy noise that might have been either assent or simple acknowledgment but didn't open his eyes.

"Alright. I'll let you off tonight and explain to Sachiko and Sayu. But no more excuses tomorrow!"

L didn't answer.

"Ryuzaki? Did you hear what I just said?"

Nothing. Looking over at the young man, Soichiro realized that L was already asleep.


	25. Nostalgia

**Dennis Nedry: **Hmm...somehow I don't see L as hating strawberries, regardless of what happened. I think he'll stay a strawberry nut forever. Like you say, anything else wouldn't really be L XD

**PianoCatRulez: **Thanks XD Yeah, completely evil bad guys are fun to write, but I wanted to give Sato one or two good points ;)

* * *

**JUNE 21**

L was seriously annoyed.

He wasn't annoyed at Soichiro, nor at Aizawa or Matsuda's attempts yesterday to keep him confined (they were only following orders and outwitting them had been entertaining enough to relieve his boredom for a few microseconds). He wasn't even annoyed at Sachiko, not anymore.

He was annoyed because a day spent sleeping in a chair and another night in an awkward position in bed in his new apartment had both taken their toll, and his back was now so painful that it was difficult to move. He wasn't entirely sure how he'd _got_ to his new apartment, since the last really clear memory he had was of getting into Soichiro's car. He supposed the man must have...what? Carried him?

_No, he'd never do that. It's far more likely he helped you in here, only you were too groggy to remember._

_Okay, but why did he pick this apartment to dump me in?_

Not that he minded exactly – it was only a couple of doors down from the one he'd trashed and so he didn't feel like he'd moved at all – but still...something about it bothered him.

_Right. Something like the little fact that you're too ashamed to look Sachiko and Sayu in the face after your little outburst._

_I don't want people to be afraid of me. What's wrong with that?_

_So who says they're afraid of you?_

L was silent. Had he been in the mood to argue with his other mind, he might have remarked that if someone suddenly exploded at you and then proceeded to destroy their own apartment, you would at least be a little apprehensive the next time you met them.

_But it would be nice if they poked their head round the door now that my back's hurting. They might even bring food. _He doubted this, but it was a nice little dream.

_How am I supposed to work on the case if I'm in too much pain to stand?_

_You're just going to have to do what you did when you were with Watari. Work through it._

Watari had never tried to force L into doing anything that would hurt him, but if he thought the young man _was _hurt, he'd usually insist L take some kind of painkiller which always ended up making the detective groggy.

There was a loud knock on the door and L jumped, then cursed as a fresh twinge of pain stabbed at his back.

"It's open!" Now that he stopped to think, he should probably do something about that at some point, but he'd sort of been hoping Soichiro would stop by and he didn't want the deputy director to be locked out when he did.

The door clicked open and Aizawa strode in, an envelope in one hand.

"_Aizawa_?" L stared at the man, astonished. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

"I came to bring you that key money, Ryuzaki." Aizawa held up the envelope, then set it down on the side. "Or are you going by Ikeda again now?"

The room spun crazily around L and he seized the counter, gripping it so tightly the ends of his fingers went numb.

_Did he...no. No, Yagami-san wouldn't have betrayed me. He knew everything I told him yesterday was to be kept between the two of us._

_Oh really? And exactly how would he know that? It's not like you mentioned it at any point._

_No, but he said. He said he wouldn't gossip about anything I told him. His exact words._

_But Aizawa's his work colleague. Telling him isn't quite the same as whispering it to the neighbors over the garden fence._

"Yagami..." It was a bare whisper and L glanced up at Aizawa. The thought of appealing to him of all people for some kind of compassion was laughable, but he couldn't stop himself. "I trusted him. Yesterday, I..."

Something in Aizawa's face softened a little. "Yagami didn't tell me who you were. Well, no, he did, but that was long before you told him. He hasn't really spoken to me about you at all."

"Why should I believe you?" It was half a snarl.

"Because if I wanted to hurt you, making you think that Yagami had betrayed you would be by far the best way to do it. Wouldn't you agree? Ikeda?"

"Prove it. And please don't call me that, Aizawa."

Aizawa snorted. "Prove it yourself, _Ryuzaki_. You must be capable of hacking into the NPA archives. Run a search for Shogo Ikeda and see what comes back. You never know. Might learn something."

He turned and walked out, shutting the door a little harder than necessary, or at least, a little harder than L thought Soichiro would have done.

L stared at the space where Aizawa had been standing, mind reeling.

_Now what?_

_Now? Now you go and find Yagami-san, you idiot!_

The young man glanced at his watch. Ten to eight. He'd have to hurry if he wanted to get Soichiro before the deputy director left for work.

He stumbled toward the front door, limping a little and cursing the pain in his lower back. It usually hurt him to some extent, but it wasn't often _this_ bad.

Soichiro was rounding the far corner as L emerged into the corridor and the young man took a deep breath.

"Yagami-_san_! Wait!"

Soichiro sighed, turning around. "Ryuzaki, _no_! I'm not going to bring you into—"

"Did you tell Aizawa who I am?" L interrupted.

The deputy director looked startled but answered, "Yes, at the same time I found out for myself. To be honest, I was so stunned that I'd probably have told the first person I saw."

"I don't understand. You told me you already knew my name but you never told me _how_."

Soichiro paused, then said in a softer voice, "What did Aizawa tell you?"

"He told me...he said I should hack into the NPA archives and search for my case, but there _was_ no case! My disappearance was never reported to anyone."

The older man stared at him for a long, long time. At last he answered, "With respect, Ryuzaki, even though Aizawa wasn't in the NPA when you vanished, I would think that someone who worked for the police would be a better judge of that than an eight year old boy who had just been whisked away to another country."

L looked down, his mind working frantically.

_In the end, it all comes down to what you believe. For things to have happened the way you're thinking, Yagami would have to be a traitor and Aizawa spiteful. You know neither of those things are true, therefore your theory can't be true either._

_Yeah, but I thought—_

_Furthermore, let me just point out that every single time you've jumped to a conclusion about Yagami's actions and motivations, you've been one hundred percent wrong! Hadn't you better try and get a little more information this time?_

L swallowed. "I thought...after yesterday, on the roof..."

Soichiro gave him a quizzical look. "Ryuzaki, the roof was two days ago. You slept through yesterday."

L stared at him, the world suddenly swaying. "I did _what _to yesterday?"

"Slept through it," Soichiro repeated. "I checked on you before I went to work and after I got back, but you were just curled up on the couch and I didn't like to wake you."

"Why _not_? Yagami-_san_, that's an entire twenty four _hours_ I just wasted! I could have found something out! I could have...I could have done _something_! What's the matter with you?"

"_Ryuzaki_!"

L shut his mouth and stared at the deputy director, eyes wide. Soichiro had _never_ snapped at him like that before.

_Congratulations, you finally pushed him too far._

_That wasn't my fault! In case you haven't noticed, he always brushes me off when I'm trying to antagonize him and gets angry with me when I'm not!_

_Well, you were bound to succeed sooner or later, _his other mind mused. _You've been trying hard enough. I don't know how he's managed to remain so patient all this time._

L looked down at his feet, rubbing one of them on the back of his jeans and flexing his toes.

"I'm sorry, Yagami-_san_," he mumbled. "I just want to help."

"Overworking yourself so soon after you suffered a major burnout _and _when you're ill is not helping, Ryuzaki. In fact, I'd even say it was distracting, since I'd spend so much time worrying about you that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the case. Do you understand what I'm saying? Never mind _why_ I'm saying it – I know you don't understand that – but from a selfish point of view, does this make any sense to you at all?"

L was silent for a long time, thinking this over. On the one hand, the answer was _no_ – why would Soichiro put someone else's need for sleep over another person's need for life – but he wasn't entirely certain what the deputy director would do if he was honest.

_And if you lie and he finds out, what are you going to say to him then? You know he hates liars. At least if you tell him the truth, there's a chance he might respect you for being honest with him._

_See, this is why I always try and avoid social situations! They're verbal minefields!_

He drew in a deep breath, then sighed and looked at Soichiro.

"No," he answered very quietly. "I'm sorry. I know it's very important to you that I do understand this, but I just don't. You're a policeman, Yagami-_san_. It makes no sense to me whatsoever that you would risk sacrificing the life of one of those civilians you're supposed to protect just so I can have a nap. I mean, suppose you went into work and Matsuda was asleep at his desk. Would you let _him_ sleep on?"

Soichiro paused, then shook his head. "No, I wouldn't. But that's different. Matsuda's there to work, and he's not on the verge of nervous exhaustion. You just implied that I would go out of my way to make you suffer so you could wrap this case up nice and neatly."

L stared at him, not sure how far he could push Soichiro, or even how far he _wanted_ to push him.

"Don't do this to me, Yagami-_san_," he said at last, his voice so quiet he could barely hear it himself. "Please don't do this to me."

"Don't do what?"

_At least he didn't blow up. _L rested an arm against the wall, tracing his name over and over again as he thought about the answer. Finally he said, "You know. The only familiar thing I have is being a detective. You can't—no, that's not right." Lifting his head, he stared at Soichiro. "I _won't_ let you take it away from me."

Soichiro groaned. "Ryuzaki, for goodness' sake! I'm not trying to take anything away from you! I'm not trying to stop you being a detective; I'm just trying to make sure you remember to eat and sleep while you're doing it, otherwise the next time you'll probably end up out for an entire week!"

L was silent. His actual record on that score was four days, Watari having had some business in London to attend to and dumped him at Wammy's House for a week with a dozen or so case files to be going on with. L had meant to investigate, but he'd been exhausted from all the work he'd been doing and from the flight to England and so he'd just barricaded the door of one of the staff bedrooms, curled up on the bed and gone straight to sleep.

"You seem to think life is very simple, Yagami-_san_."

"Most of the time it is. It's people that are complicated."

L had to smile a little at that. "Um. About my going into the NPA—"

"_Ryuzaki_..."

"—_yesterday_," L finished with a wounded air. "I mean, the day before yesterday."

Soichiro folded his arms. "Go on."

"I was just wondering, where's my bike?"

"Still in the NPA parking lot. It's quite safe there. No," Soichiro added as L opened his mouth, "you may _not_ go and get it until tomorrow when you should be rested and alert enough to ride it. I don't want you becoming another statistic."

L wasn't much inclined to argue this point, as part of him knew that Soichiro was right. He was awake, but he wasn't particularly alert and he wasn't an experienced enough biker to risk tackling Tokyo traffic in his current condition.

"What about the case?" he asked instead. "Were there any breakthroughs while I was asleep? I'm awake now, Yagami-_san_, so you can tell me without triggering any adverse psychological reactions."

"Not yet. About the only development is that the mayor of Chiyoda wants representatives from the NPA at his daughter's wedding and a police guard at the reception in the evening, thanks to these murders." Soichiro pulled out his wallet and did a quick eye count of the money in there, then sighed. "Looks like I'll have to go to the bank. I think we've got some wedding envelopes somewhere."

L frowned. "Why are you bringing her a gift if you're only going as security?"

"I'm also going as a representative of the NPA." The deputy director replaced his wallet and turned to face L again. "I can't show up empty handed. And since those of us going to the reception are going to be undercover, we can't risk blowing that cover."

L leaned back and tried to think, a task made harder by the fact that he felt like someone had drained his brain away and replaced it with pond sludge.

"So you're all bringing gifts? You're all going to have to _pay_ this idiot of a mayor for the privilege of protecting his daughter who won't even be in any danger?"

"The next murder _will_ take place on that date, Ryuzaki," Soichiro reminded him.

"Oh, dates, dates!" L pushed himself off the wall and began pacing the width of the corridor. Why was he surrounded by such stupidity? Was there _no _one out there with even a modicum of common sense. "Has no one bothered to take _times_ into account?"

Stepping forward, Soichiro caught hold of him, arresting his motion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean the dates _are_ correct, but only in the technical sense. All the murders have been committed in the small hours." L wriggled free and resumed his pacing. Moving helped keep his mind clear. "Well, face it, it's not the kind of operation you can do in about three seconds. You'd have to make sure everyone was out and it would be a lot easier if your victim was asleep. By the time that dinner takes place, the next victim will already have been dead for over twelve hours."

"You're saying that she's not a target?"

"No, I wouldn't go that far, although the ones behind this don't seem to be interested in their victims' social status so I don't think that her being the mayor's daughter puts her in more danger than if she were any other Japanese woman. I'm saying that they're not going to kill her at the dinner. You might want to reassure the mayor."

"I'll see what I can do. Now I really have to get to work. And Ryuzaki?"

L stopped pacing and turned to face Soichiro. "Yes, Yagami-_san_?"

The deputy director looked at him for a few seconds, then said quietly, "If I were you, I'd search the whole internet, not just our archives. I'll see you later."

"Yeah. See you." L barely registered the words, his mind quivering as he turned and walked back into his apartment.

_Told you he didn't betray you! Now, aren't you glad you didn't explode at him?_

Not bothering to dignify his annoyingly smug other mind with an answer, L sat down in front of his laptop and stared at it.

Search the internet? Why would Soichiro tell him to do something like _that_?

_He's never steered you wrong before. It's worth a try._ _If he's wrong and there's nothing there, it'll only take you about three seconds to find out. Hardly a waste of time._

That was true. His other mind seemed to be behaving in a much more cooperative way since...well, not to put too fine a point on it, since he'd spilled his guts to Soichiro that morning on the roof.

_Exactly. You told him almost everything about yourself and the world completely failed to end. When are you going to get it into your thick skull that Yagami-san happens to be on your side?_

_Probably the same time that you finally decide whose side you happen to be on! _L thought back peevishly. His other mind was good company, but its fickleness annoyed him sometimes.

L reached out and tapped his own name into the Search field, then hit enter and his world blew apart.

Hits. Millions of hits. Archived newspaper articles, video footage, websites, even one or two tribute sites. Sightings, false sightings, even a well-documented case of someone who had attempted to impersonate him to collect the ten million yen reward for any information.

_What..._

_Wow. No wonder he told you to search the net. What's in that link?_

_I don't know!_ L thought back furiously. _I don't know and I don't care_!

Granted Watari had never actually _told_ L his parents had abandoned him – L had come up with that little theory all by himself – but he'd never mentioned anything like this either. It was all too much information, and information that challenged everything he'd been led to believe. L reacted in the only way he knew how; he slammed the laptop shut and curled up as tight as he could, hiding his face in his knees.

When he emerged, four and a half hours had ticked off the clock and he was ravenously hungry. He'd dozed off for a while and the sick pain in his back had faded to a dull throb.

Getting to his feet, he wandered over to the refrigerator and pulled out two boxes of strawberries. One probably wouldn't be enough for this.

_Note to self: buy more food tomorrow._

L perched at his desk again and ate the first box of strawberries to assuage his hunger pangs, then the second box to ensure he wouldn't be distracted by it, and finally reopened his laptop. Half curious, half afraid, he stared at the results for a full twenty minutes, trying to summon up the courage to investigate further.

_What would Yagami-san do?_

_Probably tell you that this is the kind of decision only you can make and sit back to let you make it. So really, you wouldn't be much better off. _

L grimaced. _Thanks. You're a big help._

_You're very welcome. All the same, I know what you mean. This is beyond weird. How is it everyone knows more about you than you do?_

Reaching out, the young man clicked on the first page; an article in the _Yomiuri _complete with a photograph.

_**BOY GENIUS DISAPPEARS!**_

_Shogo Ikeda (8), now famous throughout Japan for his successful aversion of a particularly nasty incident in England, has been missing since yesterday, when he failed to return home from school. _

_Homeroom teacher Megumi Sugihara reports that Ikeda-kun left school as usual with a group of his friends only to disappear somewhere on the way home. Neither neighbors nor the other children noticed anything untoward, and Ikeda-kun's whereabouts remain a mystery. According to family and teachers, he was dressed in the school uniform and carrying a backpack with the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles logo on the back._

L opened up another tab and looked up _Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles_.

_Oh, a baseball team. Why didn't they say that?_

Next to the picture of himself at age eight, which he barely recognized as himself, was a photograph of two people outside a school, who were apparently his parents. L stared at them, poring over every single detail in the hopes that doing so might spark off some kind of memory. The caption under the picture gave their names as Kimiko and Shunichi Ikeda, names that meant nothing to him.

_Then again, you were only eight when you vanished and up until then, you probably knew them better as Mom and Dad._

_I know, but nothing else means anything to me either._

L reached out and touched his parents' faces on the screen with the very tips of his fingers, as though frightened the image would shatter.

There was nothing. No flash of recognition. He might as well have been looking at a picture of two strangers.

"Why can't I remember you?"

_Well, there's no reason why you should. After all, you never have before._

_That's not the point, _L thought back wretchedly. He hadn't expected everything to come flooding back, but he'd hoped for _something_, some dim spark of memory. Even a subconscious sense of familiarity would have done.

_Eight years old. I was eight years old. I should remember something. And why do I remember the Winchester Mad Bombings but not my family? According to the dates, I didn't get to Wammy's House until a few months after that case._

L sat there, racking his brains and going around in circles in his own mind until he felt even more lost and confused than before.

_I want Yagami-san_.

_Yeah, it'd be good to see him. Maybe he'd be able to explain this because frankly, I'm out of ideas. Why don't you give him a call?_

The young man stretched out a hand toward his phone, then stopped.

_No, I can't. He's busy at work. He's probably already late because of me. I can't disturb him. _

_Alright then, send him an email. He can't object to that._

L stared into space for a few moments, considering this, then fired up his email and stared at that instead, not sure whether to write or not.

_Doesn't he want me to be more independent? How can I be independent if I keep asking for him to come along and help me every time things go wrong?_

_I don't think this level of independence is quite what he had in mind._

_But he's not going to..._ The thought faded into silence in L's head. Even in his own mind, he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge what he already knew deep down.

_Not going to what? Not going to live forever? No, you're right there, so don't you think you'd better make use of his expertise while he's still around?_

_He's not that old_, L retorted. _Listening to you, anyone would think he was ready for the nursing home!_

_That's true. He's still got a long, healthy life ahead of him...assuming he doesn't get kicked into any more walls._

_Shut up!_ L shut his laptop without sending the email and headed for the refrigerator. Yes, he would _definitely _have to buy more food tomorrow.

Taking out the last box of strawberries, L turned on the TV and settled down on the couch to watch. He couldn't seem to focus on anything just at that moment, so he might as well veg out entirely for a couple of hours.

The couple of hours stretched into three, then four, and finally early evening. It was oddly liberating to be able to watch TV without worrying about disturbing the rest of the household.

He was just starting a two hour TV drama when there was a knock on the wall.

"If you're Yagami-_san_, you can come in. Everyone else, please leave a message during the commercial break."

A section of the wall slid open and Soichiro stepped in, carrying a white bag.

"Having a lazy day?"

Apprehension flickered through L, waking him up a little. "Um, yeah. You don't mind, do you?"

"I think a day spent relaxing and letting your brain recover will do you the world of good. I brought you some food." Soichiro held out the bag. "I don't suppose you'll have eaten much besides strawberries."

L didn't see what was wrong with that, but he _was_ hungry and there were some very appetizing smells coming from that bag.

"What did you get?"

"_Gyoza _and _karaage—_"

"_Karaage_!" L snatched the bag and dived in, rummaging around.

"I thought that would please you. There's some sushi in there as well. Take as much as you want; I've already eaten."

L emerged with a handful of _gyoza_ and a mouthful of fried chicken and mumbled something that he meant for agreement. The chicken was delicious; hot, juicy and fluffy, just the way he liked it. Finishing his mouthful, he licked his fingers and then reached in for some more.

"Yagami-_san_, which baseball team do you support?" Actually, maybe he should eat the _gyoza_ first, save the best for last.

Soichiro blinked. "I don't really. Why?"

L indicated the laptop. "Apparently I love baseball. I don't know how the game's played, but I'm a fan of the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles, according to this. But..." He stared at the screen, mind spinning. "I thought...I don't know." That wasn't true; he _did_ know what he'd thought, just not how to put it into words. "I'm no good at this sort of thing, Yagami-_san_."

"Did you think it would all come flooding back the moment you saw your parents' photo?"

L reached out toward the image on the screen again before remembering he was no longer alone and Soichiro would probably find it a little odd if he started caressing his laptop.

"Not quite, but I thought I'd remember something. If I read enough about me, maybe there would be a favorite restaurant or something we did together. Something that would spark off a memory."

"I'm afraid it only works that way in the movies, Ryuzaki."

"But _why_ can't I remember? I didn't before because I never wanted to, and I'm still not sure, but what kind of kid does all this stuff with his parents and doesn't remember _any _of it?" L shook his head, fighting to clear it. The expressions on his parents' faces now seemed faintly accusing. "I remember everything else. Every single detail from every case I ever worked on, all the photos, the deaths, the footage, _everything_. Why can't I remember this?"

Soichiro didn't answer immediately. At last he said, "Are you sure you want to know the answer?"

"Do _you_ know the answer? Please tell me if you do, because I really want to understand even if I can't remember."

"Alright. I think you were made to forget. Your memories would have become a little more hazy as you got older anyway, and the people at Wammy's House needed you to be one hundred percent controlled by your handler. That could only happen if you believed there was nobody else out there who would help you or even care. I think they just kept you working so much and so hard that you'd never have time to stop and remember your old life." Soichiro paused, then added, "Of course, I've never been to Wammy's House, so I don't know what your life was like there. But you still have the rest of your family. You could always get in contact with them if you have questions."

"There's no point. I can't remember any of them either." The thought of contacting complete strangers who just happened to be related to him both thrilled and terrified L. "This was a huge mistake," he mumbled, eyes still fixed on the screen.

"It's just a lot for you to take in."

That was putting it very mildly, in L's opinion. Having discovered that his parents had been alive for a lot longer than he'd originally thought, he now had to come to terms with the fact that instead of abandoning him, they'd done everything in their power to track him down.

"But...Watari told me they were dead. He must have known they were out there. He must have known they were still searching for me. Why didn't he say something?"

Soichiro looked at him for a few moments, then said very quietly, "I think you already know the answer to that, Ryuzaki."

_He's right. You don't really believe Watari would have just sent you back to your family with a cheery wave goodbye, do you? They spent a long, long time training and conditioning you in Wammy's House. They weren't about to get rid of the best tool they ever obtained._

"This doesn't change anything! I still don't want any contact with them!" L wasn't certain whether he was talking to his other mind or to Soichiro and at that point he didn't really care.

The deputy director looked a little startled at L's vehemence, but all he said was, "Like I told you before, that's entirely up to you. I'm not going to push you one way or the other."

L was silent for a few minutes, then said, "But it would be easier for me if you did."

Soichiro shook his head, now smiling a little. "Sorry. I'll support you and help you in any way you might need, whatever you decide, but this decision's too big for me to make for you."

"I wish you'd been here earlier."

"I know and I'm sorry, but I can't justify taking any more time off work at the moment."

L just nodded. He hadn't really expected anything else.

"Yagami-_san_? Why didn't you tell me any of this before? When I said my family abandoned me..." He swallowed, unable to finish the sentence.

"Two reasons. First of all, you were so agitated at the time that I doubted you'd have listened anyway. Secondly, I wasn't sure how you would react to my knowing so much about you, including your real name. I wanted to wait until you trusted me enough to tell me."

The young man leaned back and considered this. He was honest enough to admit that Soichiro had a point on both counts, but there was something still bugging him.

"How did you know who I was?" When the deputy director opened his mouth to answer, L flicked a finger. "I know you looked me up in the NPA archives, that wasn't my question. Why did you link me with Shogo Ikeda, instead of some other missing kid?"

Soichiro chuckled. "Well, I wish I could tell you it was my wonderful skill at deductive reasoning, or that I'd transcribed the kanji you always trace with your finger, but the truth is that it was your hair."

L stared at the older man and wondered if all the world had gone mad, or if it was just him.

"My...hair?" He tweaked a hair out of his head and studied it, frowning. "Did you do some kind of DNA test?"

"Jet black is rather an unusual color. Most Japanese people have hair like mine. I noticed it in that photo on the missing persons report. Then there's your nose."

L's hands shot up to the nose in question, feeling it experimentally. "I have a funny nose?"

"No, you just have a small mole on the right-hand side of it." Soichiro paused. "And, of course, you told me about the bombing you prevented and that you're from Aomori, which is what really clinched it."

"But I'm dead?" It was half question, half statement.

"Officially, yes. Of course, we could change that easily enough, but the press would get hold of it and then your family would know about you."

The young man shook his head. "Then forget it. I don't want that. If there's going to be any contact, I want it to come from me." They sat in a friendly silence for a few minutes, then L cleared his throat. "Um. I know my parents filed the missing persons report. Yagami-_san_? Did you..." L swallowed, unable to finish the sentence. He hoped Soichiro would be able to understand what he wasn't saying. The deputy director seemed to be good at doing that, whether L wanted him to or not.

"I'm sorry, Ryuzaki, but no," Soichiro said very quietly. "I never met your parents. They would have filed the report in Aomori, not Tokyo. I suppose they would have been with you when you came to visit the NPA that time, but I don't remember them. To be honest, I can barely remember you from that day."

L looked away. "Right. Yeah. Stupid idea, I know. I just thought...with you being deputy director and everything..."

"I wasn't deputy director fifteen years ago."

"No. I suppose not." L leaned back, eyes hot and tired. Even though he'd dozed off again during the day, his body was still insisting it wanted _more_ sleep. Stupid body, never knowing what was really important. "Sorry. That was a stupid question. I just can't seem to concentrate today. Maybe I'm coming down with a cold. What do normal people do when they're ill?"

Soichiro blinked. "It depends on the person. Most of them drag a quilt into the lounge and curl up watching movies and feeling sorry for themselves." He paused. "What about you? Did you have to keep working when you were ill?"

"Unless I was _really_ ill, yes. But Watari would always let me work more slowly. I just hate it when my body decides to do things without my authorization. I didn't give it permission to sleep through the entire day and now it's still trying to sneak up on me for more!"

The deputy director chuckled. "You make it sound as though your body's trying to stage a coup."

"Well, it's never forced me to sleep like this before! Do normal people sleep for days at a time?"

"They do when they burn themselves out like you have. I don't suppose you've slept very much, and on top of that you're hurt and you've been running yourself into the ground trying to get involved with catching the ones behind this murder."

"But I can help," L insisted. "You'd never have gotten this far if it hadn't been for me. Did you have any breakthroughs today?"

Soichiro sighed. "No. About the only thing I've been able to come up with is the possibility that the next murder will take place in one of the special wards and maybe one that the killers haven't struck in so far. Dates and locations do seem to be important to them. Tatenaka's now come up with the brilliant theory that they're trying to do an organ transplant, which is something Matsuda and I discussed last week but which I don't think is likely."

L snorted. Organ transplants weren't as common in Japan as they were in other countries and most Japanese people in need would go overseas, where they not only stood a far better chance of finding a match, but would also be operated on by someone who did those kinds of surgical procedures every day.

"I'm not an expert in medical science, but I think a heart has to be matched like any other organ. I also think it's the kind of operation you only really get one chance at. I'd suggest you ask Matsuda but he has enough on his plate and besides, he's not really a doctor."

He frowned as something flashed through his mind, too fast for him to pin down. For a moment he struggled to recall it, then gave it up as a bad job and turned to Soichiro.

"You said the next murder might take place in one of the special wards, didn't you?"

"Yes. If I had to pick one, it would either be Kita or Shinjuku, but that's completely unofficial, Ryuzaki. I don't want you repeating it to anyone."

Some of the cobwebs blew out of L's mind at that and he straightened up, ignoring the yowl of pain from his back.

"Shinjuku?" he echoed. "Why Shinjuku?"

Soichiro stared at him. "You know something, don't you?"

"No, I suspect several somethings, and one of those is that there is a ninety seven percent chance that the next murder will take place in Shinjuku, according to my theory."

"The one you won't share with me?"

"Yes. I still have no real evidence apart from my own conclusions and I don't know who's behind it, at least, not in terms of names. But if the next murder is in Shinjuku, come to me before you go off to that dinner and I'll tell you everything. I promise." The more he thought about it, the more L became convinced that his theory was correct, but hunches and feelings didn't build a case. "Why did you say Shinjuku?"

"Because all the murders have taken place in special wards adjacent to Bunkyo. The only two that haven't been affected yet are Shinjuku and Kita."

Disappointment flooded through L. He'd hoped for so much more from Soichiro.

"I see. So basically, you're just taking an educated guess. Pity; for a moment I thought you had an actual theory."

"If you think it's so ridiculous, then let's hear yours."

L shook his head. "No. Not until the next murder." He paused, then cleared his throat awkwardly. "Um. How are Sachiko and Sayu?"

Soichiro regarded him for a few seconds, then said, "Why don't you come to dinner tomorrow evening and find out? They've both been asking about you."

Alarm shot through him and L backed away. "I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

The young man chewed his thumb for a few moments. "Because...well..."

Soichiro waited and then, when L failed to come up with anything more coherent, said, "Because you're ashamed of what happened last time and you don't want to meet them again."

L nodded vigorously.

"Well, I can't help that, Ryuzaki."

"You can. You could tell them I'm sorry."

Soichiro shook his head. "No. If you're going to apologize, you shouldn't do it through a third party."

"Another piece of fatherly wisdom?" L suggested with a slight bite to his tones.

"Yes. That particular piece happened to come from my own father, so I'd be careful what you say about it."

L uncurled enough to look at Soichiro, forgetting his dilemma in the face of this new revelation. "You have a father?"

"Everybody has a father, Ryuzaki."

"Yes, but I mean a _father_ father," L insisted. "The kind that buys you strawberries when your world goes wrong."

"It was _uiro_ in my case, but yes." Soichiro leaned back, then said in a deceptively casual voice, "Speaking of food, Sachiko's talking about making chicken cream stew tomorrow, if you do decide to join us for dinner."

L smiled a little, his eyes softening. "Hitomi used to make that. Only instead of slicing onions into it, she'd just get miniature ones and use them whole." He'd never dared to venture outside unless there were too many people around for him to be spotted, and he could still remember sitting in the lounge as the smells from the kitchen got stronger and stronger (he did occasionally try to help with the cooking, but although he could get by, he wasn't what you'd call a talented chef).

"Then why don't you stop by? We'd all love to see you, and Sachiko always makes too much food anyway. Don't tell her I said that."

L shifted his weight, trying to put his thoughts into words. It was tempting, and he was surprised how much he missed being with the Yagami family for meals, but still...

"Will you tell them...I mean...I'd just like to start over. I don't mind apologizing but I don't think I could handle them making a big thing of it."

"Alright, if that's what you want. And—"

L's phone trilled loudly, cutting Soichiro off.

"Sorry!" L scrambled for the phone, wincing at the irritatingly shrill noise. He would have to get some more interesting ringtones.

"It's alright. I'll leave you alone; I've got to go anyway." Soichiro got to his feet and slipped through the secret entrance before L could stop him.

_Great. So who would be calling me? Whoever it is, this had better be worth it! _There was no number on the display and L frowned, trying to work out who could have got hold of his number without his knowledge.

_Probably some telemarketer or other. _Well, he'd never had a telemarketer try to sell him things before. It might be an interesting experience.

Holding the phone delicately, he flipped it open and held it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"L, what have you _done_?"

L sighed. Not a telemarketer, just Roger. Far more annoying and nowhere near as easy to get rid of. He'd never liked Roger, even when he'd still been working for Wammy's House. Oh well, they'd have to have this conversation sooner or later.

"I didn't do anything, although I would have done if Sato had become any more persistent."

"Sato entered the NPA to request that his photo be removed from the newspapers. You had no right to spread lies like that about him."

"Yes I did." L lifted a piece of _inarizushi_ in his chopsticks, did a couple of rapid mental calculations concerning the size of the morsel vs. the size of his mouth, then stuffed it all in. As soon as he was able to swallow, he added, "As much right as he had to come after me with a dart gun."

"I wasn't referring to that, L. Our finances have taken a rather alarming dip recently. You know Watari wouldn't like to think of his young prodigy stealing."

L yawned. It was no good, he'd have to sleep sometime. Maybe after he'd finished with Roger he could go back to the TV. Even if he wasn't actually ill, bundling himself up in a nice, snuggly quilt with cushions tucked around him and dozing in front of a movie sounded very tempting just then.

_Oh good. What are we going to watch?_

_I don't know, but I'm sure there's something good on._ _I'll buy some DVDs tomorrow. _That sounded wonderful. He could start a collection.

"L? Are you listening to me?"

Not really. L was too busy daydreaming about a room full of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves packed with books and DVDs. Of course, he'd have to buy some squashy armchairs as well, to curl up in with the aforementioned books, and some way to play music as well...

"L!"

Abruptly jerked out of building his dream entertainment room, L sighed. "Roger, all I took was the money that Wammy's House owed me. I need something now that I'm no longer working for you people and since you never bothered to pay me, I'm just claiming ten years' worth of back wages, roughly equivalent to half what Watari was paid for bringing me in to solve all those cases."

"Who told you you're no longer working for us?"

"I told myself." There was no way L was going to bring Soichiro into this. Besides, a small part of him resented the implication that he was incapable of making up his own mind.

"L, Sato is now wanted by the NPA for murder! He's even been arrested!"

L shrugged, forgetting Roger couldn't see the gesture. "The arrest wasn't my doing. I told Sato right at the beginning I wasn't going to go with him. He didn't believe me, so naturally I had to take steps to protect myself from being kidnapped. Even if he does manage to get out of jail, get hold of me – and _keep_ me – he'll never be able to leave Japan. No private pilots will fly for him, and he'll never be allowed on a domestic flight. Anyway, he'll be out in three weeks unless I decide to press charges." Three weeks. Three sweet, wonderful, blissful, Sato-free weeks. L couldn't help smiling at the thought. _Finally_, he could go out and about without worrying whether Sato was going to jump out from behind the nearest building. He was already dreaming about where he'd go first. Wherever it was, it would be somewhere outside; he'd had enough of living indoors. And he wanted to buy Soichiro something nice.

"Three weeks is a long time, L. You can't look after yourself for that long, you know that."

"I _know_ I looked after myself for the last eighteen months after your precious House abandoned me! I've also become owner of an entire apartment complex, enough to allow myself a _very _comfortable retirement." He leaned back in his chair, smiling a little. "And I'm only just in my twenties. Most people struggle their entire lives to get where I am. Do you _really_ think I'll give that up to go back to being your _pet_? I've already dealt with Sato and if you don't back off, Roger, then my next target will be _you_."

"Me?" Roger said, after a pause that went on a little too long. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, an elderly man, never married, no family, spending _so much_ time with young children..." L shook his head, conveniently forgetting that far from spending time with the children in his care, Roger went out of his way to avoid them as much as possible.

There was a long, long silence. Then Roger said, "That's a very, _very_ low blow, L. You know I've never done anything like what you're implying."

"Actually, all I know is that you've never done it to _me_. I'm sure I could persuade Mello to stand up and say you paid him a few late night visits. He'd just love to destroy the House."

"So you _do_ know where he and Matt are."

"Matt?" L echoed. "I don't know anyone by that name."

"He was another one of ours who went missing at the same time as Mello. We think they're in it together."

"Alright. So that's _two_ other Wammy's kids I can bring in to testify against you." L shook his head, smiling a little. This was so easy it was boring. "Thank you. I'll have to do a little research into Matt, see what motivates him. Mello's easy enough; all I'd have to promise _him_ is ten minutes alone with Sato and he'd jump at the chance. Besides, I still remember his face. You were head of Wammy's House during Watari's absence, and a man who would allow _that_ to be done to a ten year old boy could be guilty of _anything_." L shoveled more chicken into his mouth, chewed and swallowed, then leaned back. "Call Sato off, let me live my own life in peace, and I'll return the favor."

"You could never make a fabrication like that stick."

Roger was right there, which was why L had been bluffing (plus the fact that even he was aware that there were some lies you just didn't tell).

"Probably not," he conceded, "but I've already considered that. You know, I thought I was done fighting after Blue Ship, but it turns out I was wrong. I think I've got just enough left in me for one more fight. There are documents, Roger, all about Wammy's House. If I go missing, various agents in the NPA and FBI have instructions to make those documents public. If Sato becomes _really_ persistent, those documents go public anyway."

"And what exactly is in those documents, L?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes, I would," Roger said calmly, "or I'd never have asked. If you're trying to coerce me into making this kind of decision, I feel I should know exactly what I'm risking. What do those documents tell people?"

"_Everything_. How I was taken there against my will, because after that bombing incident in England I was seen as a tool that Wammy's House just _had_ to have. Just like all those other kids. Did you think we'd forgotten, Roger? _Any _of us? Cross me and you and your precious House will be ruined. Of course, I may decide to do that anyway, since I count kidnapping children among the worst crimes, but if you're _very_ cooperative, I'll probably let you alone. Though if any other amazingly talented or intelligent children go missing, your place will be the first location I send the search and rescue teams."

He slammed the phone down and sat in silence for a few moments, his mind full of fire. Before he'd moved into Soichiro's home, a small part of him had been relieved at the thought of Wammy's House sending someone to look after him again (at least until he'd seen who it was) even as a bigger part hated the thought of giving up his freedom. That part had grown larger and larger and now L was beginning to get angry.

_How dare they keep hunting me like this? What do I have to do to get the message through to them?_

The phone rang again and he picked it up automatically. "Hello?"

Roger's voice wafted through the receiver. "L, that wasn't very—"

L hung up again. This time he took the phone off the hook. It might be problematic if Soichiro tried to get hold of him, but the deputy director could always come by in person, or if it was really urgent, send a message via his family.

_In the meantime, we have a case to solve. _

L crossed over to the cutlery drawer and took out the file he'd put there (since he often had a snack while solving cases, it made sense to keep any file as close to the refrigerator as possible).

As files went, this one was nowhere near as impressive or detailed as Soichiro's – L hadn't got around to hacking into the NPA reports on this case yet – consisting of several newspaper articles, a list detailing where each body had been found and when, and a printout of Tokyo from Google maps with _konpeito_ stuck on to mark the location of the bodies.

L pulled a half empty bag of _konpeito_ out of his jeans and rooted around in it for a color he hadn't used on the map yet, eventually settling on bright blue. Lifting the tiny sweet to his mouth, he bit it delicately in half, then licked the underside of one piece and stuck it onto the map.

_Taito_. He studied his handiwork for a few minutes, then replaced it in the file with a sigh, poured the rest of the _konpeito_ into his mouth and crunched noisily. He respected and admired Soichiro Yagami more than he had ever respected and admired anyone in his life, but _honestly_, if the man didn't come up with a better theory than the one L had just heard before the twenty fourth of June, he would have to start giving him hints.


	26. Joining the Dots

**PianoCatRulez: **Heh, yeah. I think L's finally learning to stand up for himself

* * *

**JUNE 22 – 23**

Soichiro stared at Tatenaka.

"You want me to _what_? That's absurd!"

He fully expected to get chewed out for that little comment – for once in his life, he'd spoken before he thought – but to his surprise, Tatenaka just sighed.

"You're right, Yagami-_kun_. It _is_ absurd, but it comes from higher up; the mayor wants you to be convincing in your undercover role. I assured him you and your men were the best, but..." The other man let the sentence trail off and shrugged. "The mayor wants a little extra, shall we say, subterfuge."

_Then the mayor is a bigger idiot than you are_, Soichiro thought but didn't dare say.

"He does realize that since the killings have taken place in the early hours, the chances of his daughter being murdered in the evening are very slim?" he said instead.

By way of an answer, Tatenaka slid an envelope over the desk toward Soichiro, who took it and opened it, slightly nonplussed. Inside was a single sheet of paper with two photographs. The first was of someone that Soichiro assumed was the mayor's daughter. The one underneath was of the most recent murder. It wasn't one that had been released to the press yet, and looking at it made Soichiro's heart twist.

_That's right out of our archives. So you were right, Ryuzaki. One of us does have a hand in this._

Sandwiched between the photos were the words _YOU'RE NEXT_.

"It arrived this morning, addressed to the mayor's daughter. She can be protected by her family all the time she's at home, but this wedding's going to be a big event. Plenty of people coming and going. Nobody's going to notice one more."

"They might notice if the bride goes missing," Soichiro pointed out. "Who's she marrying?"

"I don't know. Some son of a company president, I think."

"Does he have any kind of alibi for these murders?"

There was a long silence. Then Tatenaka said, "Yagami-_kun_, you can't be suggesting—"

"It's worth considering," Soichiro cut across. "If the girl goes missing by herself, people will panic, but a newly wed couple going for a quiet stroll in the moonlight? Nobody would think she could be in any danger all the time she's with her husband. It would never occur to anybody that her husband could _be_ the danger."

Tatenaka raised his eyebrows. "And the fact that this picture has somehow made its way from our archives to the mayor's family suggests that we could be sending that same danger straight to them. Who's on security for that night?"

"Aizawa. Ueda. Takahashi. Matsuda—"

"Matsuda?" Tatenaka interrupted. He rose slowly to his feet, staring at Soichiro. "Are you seriously telling me you would trust _that_ hothead with a mission like this?"

Soichiro didn't move. "Matsuda is hotheaded, I admit, but he's dedicated and very reliable. And if things do get bad, he's the best shot I've ever seen. I assume the mayor's not going to insist on choosing the one responsible for this extra _subterfuge_?"

"No, of course not. He just wants it done. It only has to be one person. Since he received a direct threat, you can't blame him for wanting to take extra precautions."

That was true enough. Even if someone had hacked into the archives to play some kind of elaborate prank, Soichiro didn't think he had much of a choice and so he bowed and walked out, managing to do so without actually stalking. It was quite a long walk to his department and by the time he got there, the irritation he felt had quietened down to a red-hot simmer.

"Sanami!"

Sanami actually jumped. A summons from Soichiro was rare; she kept her head down and her work ethic up and Soichiro hadn't had to reprimand her since...no, actually, now that he thought about it, he'd _never_ had to reprimand her.

Scrambling to her feet, she bowed low. "Yes, Yagami-_bucho_?"

"Come into my office; I want to discuss something with you. Aizawa, Matsuda, you two as well."

Turning, he strode into his office, stood behind his desk and waited until the three of them were inside and Aizawa had closed the door.

"The mayor has received a direct threat against his daughter," Soichiro stated. "Whether it's genuine or someone's idea of a sick joke isn't clear, but he wants extra security the day after tomorrow. He has some ideas—"

There was an almost inaudible groan from Aizawa and Sanami, and a very audible one from Matsuda. Civilians who took an active interest in how the police should protect them were somehow always much harder to protect than civilians who didn't.

"I know," Soichiro agreed, "but you can't blame him for being nervous. He feels that two police officers going undercover as husband and wife would be far more convincing than half a dozen single men, which is why I asked Sanami to join us."

"Yagami-_bucho_, why me?" Sanami wanted to know.

"Because there's a ninety eight percent chance that someone in the NPA is leaking information to the killers." _Wonderful. I'm starting to sound like Ryuzaki_. "The only people I can trust without worrying about it are the members of the old task force."

Aizawa nodded. "Well, if you're looking for someone to play the role of Sanami-_san_'s husband, why not have Matsuda do it? After all, he—"

"—is going to throw you out the window if you finish that sentence!" Matsuda interrupted.

"What?" Soichiro glanced at them. "What are you talking about?"

There was a short pause while all three of them tried to find some way to avoid being the one to answer that question, then Matsuda drew in an irritated breath.

"Aizawa's got this crazy idea in his head that I have a secret crush on Sanami-_san_. I don't. We're just friends. And good luck getting this stubborn idiot to believe you, Yagami-_bucho_, because he doesn't believe either of us!"

Aizawa didn't take his eyes off Soichiro as he answered, "Hey, it's not my fault your ex-wife found out you more or less tricked her into marrying you, Matsuda, so don't take it out on me!"

Matsuda opened his mouth and about half a second later Sanami clamped her hand over it. Yes, they really _would _be convincing as a married couple. The only question in Soichiro's mind was that given Matsuda's current family situation, would the younger man be able to pull it off?

"As I said before," he continued, "this has come from the mayor. Personally I think he's overreacting, but that isn't our concern. And Sanami, while I appreciate your quick thinking in defusing Matsuda, I'd appreciate it even more if you'd let him breathe at some point."

Sanami bowed slightly and removed her hand, stepping away from the other detective.

"_Thank _you!" Matsuda said, glaring at her. "Yagami-_bucho_, why don't..." He broke off, snapped his mouth shut and bowed. "Sorry."

"Why don't I do it?" Soichiro filled in. "Because Ueda and I are married and also considerably older than Sanami. It wouldn't be as convincing."

"But plenty of older Japanese men marry much younger women," Matsuda pointed out and then, apparently concerned that Soichiro might mistake the target of this observation, added, "Ueda could pull it off."

"I don't think Ueda would be a good choice," Aizawa said unexpectedly. "In fact, I think he should be kept away from the reception."

There was an odd sensation of motion as both Matsuda and Sanami tried to shuffle away from him without doing anything so obvious as actually _moving_.

Soichiro regarded him, keeping his face neutral. "Explain that."

"I found this in Ueda's desk." Aizawa pulled out a small black case and snapped it open.

Matsuda sucked in his breath sharply. "But that's—"

"One syringe _and_ one bottle of some kind of drug."

The deputy director still didn't allow any emotion to show on his face. "And what, may I ask, prompted you to go rummaging around Ueda's desk?"

"He was being very secretive about something in his drawer, so given what Ryuzaki said about someone in the NPA having a hand in these murders, I decided to investigate when he was in the restroom."

"I see." _Neutral...keep it neutral..._ "Did you, by any chance, happen to look at the bottle?"

A concerned expression flickered over Aizawa's face, then he said, "Well, no, there wasn't much time, so I—"

"Then I suggest you do so now."

The younger man obeyed, frowning slightly as he read the label. "What...? Insulin?"

"Yes," Soichiro agreed. "Ueda has type one diabetes, Aizawa, although that's to be kept strictly within these walls. What you're holding there is nothing more than his medication, and I suggest you give it back to him as soon as you leave this office."

Red-faced, Aizawa bowed. "Yes, Yagami-_bucho_."

"Good. And this still doesn't solve the issue of which one of you is going to be playing Sanami's husband."

"What about Takahashi?" Matsuda suggested. "He's a part of this, isn't he?"

"Oh, don't be an idiot," Aizawa snapped. "They barely know each other! How are they supposed to convince anyone watching that they've been married for years?"

"It could have been an arranged marriage."

"What era are you living in, Matsuda? Nobody does that sort of thing these days unless they're old, ugly or foreign!"

"Well, that's one box ticked in your case, Aizawa, so maybe you should give it a try!"

_Second mental note: keep Aizawa and Matsuda on opposite sides of the room at all times_. The pair could usually rub along with only the occasional squabble, but Matsuda's problems with his ex had shortened his fuse to the point where he was only half a second away from exploding at any one time. Soichiro couldn't help feeling a little sorry for him, albeit not surprised. He'd had his doubts about the younger man's marriage, and that had been at the wedding.

"Matsuda!"

"He started it!" Matsuda protested, pointing at Aizawa, who laughed in disbelief.

"I'm sorry? What, are we back in elementary school now?"

"Funny, I thought _one_ of us never left."

"Oh, don't put yourself down, Matsuda."

The punch came out of nowhere, with enough force to send him staggering sideways into Soichiro's desk and the deputy director rose to his feet, patience finally gone.

"_Matsuda_!"

For once, Matsuda didn't mumble out apologies. Instead he half turned to stare at Soichiro, breathing rapidly, fist still half raised.

"Matsuda, you are suspended from duty without pay, effective immediately! Go back to your desk, get your coat and get out! I'm disgusted with you. Aizawa, you can consider yourself damn lucky you're not facing the same treatment! No—" as Aizawa opened his mouth— "don't even _think_ of trying to defend yourself. Matsuda's behavior was inexcusable but that doesn't change the fact that you went out of your way to provoke him."

Matsuda bowed low. The action was properly respectful, but what little Soichiro could see of the younger man's face looked furious, whether with Aizawa or himself, the deputy didn't know.

"Yagami-_bucho_, does that mean you don't want me at the reception tomorrow either?"

"Yes it damn well does! Now go on, get out. I'm sick of the pair of you arguing and bickering like children instead of grown men! Aizawa, stand up."

Aizawa obeyed, pushing himself upright, blood seeping out of a split lip as Matsuda stalked out of the room.

"I apologize, Yagami-_bucho_." Aizawa's voice was a little thick.

"So you should. Matsuda has a hell of a lot going on right now. You should be supporting him, or at the very least, not irritating him. You're dismissed. Go and wash the blood off your face. And here." Soichiro held out Ueda's glucagon kit. "Take this with you. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but next time, come to me with your theories instead of snooping in your colleague's desk."

Aizawa took the kit with both hands, bowed again and walked out.

"Yagami-_bucho_?" Sanami's voice was hesitant. "Do you want me to leave as well?"

"Wait a moment." Soichiro sighed. He'd been hoping to have some kind of discussion on this matter; in his experience, this kind of ruse worked best when both parties had a say in it, but it looked like that wasn't going to be an option. The mayor was right about one thing; two police officers pretending to be husband and wife would be less conspicuous than a male and a female acting independently.

_And since it seems Aizawa and Matsuda are both out..._

He sighed. "Sanami, how _do_ you feel about doing this with Takahashi?"

"Takahashi?" Sanami looked surprised. "I don't really know him all that well; he keeps to himself a lot. But yes, I think I could do this with him."

"Good. I'll tell him when he gets back." That was _one_ crisis less, anyway, Soichiro thought as Sanami bowed herself out of the room. And besides, politicians had plenty of enemies...that threat would probably turn out to be nothing more than a sick hoax.

He hoped.

* * *

When Soichiro came through into the kitchen the next morning, he entered a world of flowers. Irises, daffodils and amaryllis covered the counter tops, and two marigolds in attractive pots stood at either end of the breakfast bar. The deputy director stared around, his male instincts rapidly running through various important dates such as birthdays and anniversaries and bursting his brain trying to remember which one he might have forgotten.

"Aren't they lovely?" Sachiko said from where she was bustling around trying to find enough vases to put them all in.

"Ah...yes." No, it couldn't be their anniversary; that was in April. In fact, now that he thought about it, had he done anything for that anniversary? Soichiro couldn't remember that he had. In an effort to try and worm a hint or two out of Sachiko, he said, "There are rather a lot of them, aren't there?"

"Yes. Oh, I forgot; there was a card that came with them. It's around here somewhere. Help me slit some of these, will you, dear; the sooner they're put in water, the better."

Soichiro, finding his arms suddenly full of daffodils, fumbled and nearly dropped them.

"Who bought all these?" he asked.

"Ryuzaki, of course. I think he's trying to apologize." There was a pause while Sachiko wrestled a stubborn amaryllis into a water glass. "He hasn't done a lot of that, has he?"

"No." That explained a lot. L had managed to pick up on the fact that people bought flowers to apologize, but apparently he'd also decided, in typical L-style, that the sorrier you were, the more flowers you had to buy. "No, he's had almost no social interaction for most of his life." Soichiro located the scissors under a large clump of irises and started slitting stems.

"Where's he staying now?"

"I put him in the apartment on the other side of ours. I'm not sure he's going to stay there though. Being in control of his own life is something of a novelty for him; he may move to another apartment just because he can." Soichiro held up the irises. "Where do you want these?"

"Um..." Sachiko glanced around in search of something she hadn't already used. "I think there's room in the kettle. Why didn't you bring him back here?"

"He wouldn't have come," the deputy director answered simply. "If I tried, he'd just leave first chance he got. I think he wants to come back, but he's too ashamed after his outburst."

"He's got nothing to be ashamed about. Sayu and I were the ones who pushed him to it." Sachiko gave up the search for another glass and started placing the daffodils in a coffee cup. "I'll have to go and find some more vases at some point, but these will do for now."

Soichiro finished slitting stems and placed his own flowers carefully in the kettle. "Well, you can borrow as many as you like from the other apartments. No one else is going to be moving in until Ryuzaki says so, and I know he wouldn't mind."

"Oh, Ryuzaki. I'll have to find him today and thank him."

Soichiro paused in the middle of rearranging the marigolds. "Don't make a big thing of it, Sachiko. I think his fear of that is what's keeping him away more than anything; being the center of attention unsettles him. He likes to stay under the radar." Though now that he mentioned it, Soichiro thought that L had become a lot calmer and more relaxed since their talk on the roof.

_And since Sato was arrested. Just what are you going to do about him anyway?_

The answer to that was obvious: keep him for the maximum three weeks and then they'd have to release him, unless L decided to press charges.

"Well, even if he does, these are beautiful flowers. Did you tell him irises were my favorites?"

"Not that I remember, but he may have picked it up. He's very sharp." Damn, it looked like he'd have to forego his coffee that morning, unless he made it in a-no, Soichiro interrupted himself, it looked like all the saucepans had been press-ganged into flower duty as well.

"You don't have to tell me that," Sachiko answered. "He used to help me with some of my _hanjie_, although I sometimes have to give him a hint. They're a little difficult until you've got the knack of them."

Soichiro, who was certain L could solve the most elaborate, complex _hanjie_ in existence without pausing or batting an eyelid, let alone Sachiko's help, smiled quietly.

_You're better at getting along with people than you think, Ryuzaki_.

"Well, I'm off," he said. "If I see Ryuzaki, I'll let him know you're looking for him."

Sachiko looked around, startled. "Don't you want breakfast?"

"Where?" Soichiro asked rhetorically. "It's alright, Sachiko. I'll stop off somewhere on my way into work." L drank coffee by the bucket; he would have some. Soichiro was sure the young man wouldn't grudge him a cup of coffee.

A quick walk brought him to L's apartment, and several seconds went by before L opened the door in answer to Soichiro's knock, rubbing his foot on his other leg and doing his very best not to look the older man in the eye.

"Yagami-_san._"

"Good morning, Ryuzaki. Do you mind if I have some of your coffee? My kitchen's a little out of commission at the moment."

L winced. "You're angry, aren't you? Yagami-_san_, I'm sorry if I shouldn't have bought those flowers, but you did say that time that they'd be an ideal present and I've seen people on TV buy flowers when they have a fight with someone so I just thought that—"

"Ryuzaki, calm down. I'm not angry. I promise. It was just a bit of a surprise to find my kitchen had been turned into a flower shop while I slept."

"Did Sachiko-_san_ like them?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Soichiro suggested.

"Because she'd probably just say _yes_ to avoid hurting my feelings, but I know you'll be honest with me." Standing back to allow Soichiro inside, L added, "If she doesn't like them, what can I do instead?"

"You don't need to do anything, Ryuzaki. Sachiko's thrilled. For future reference though, one bunch of flowers is usually considered enough of an apology."

"Oh?" L looked a little unsure. "I thought one bunch seemed a little stingy now that I've got all this money. What's the point in having money if you don't get to spend it on anything?" The look changed, became half proud, half shyly defiant. "And that reminds me; if you want me to come into the NPA today, you're going to be out of luck. I've already made other plans."

_Finally! Took you long enough._

"I see. What are you up to?"

"I'm going out," L answered, in the same tones usually reserved for someone announcing they were off to the moon. Soichiro supposed that for L, a day out was still a pretty big deal.

"Anywhere nice?"

"Rikugi-en. I've always wanted to go there, only I never seemed to get around to it. Now Sato's out of the way and I can finally _relax_, I'm going to enjoy myself. I've already decided to go to the shops and buy every book and DVD that I like the look of on my way to the park."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows, although he couldn't help smiling. Something about L's attitude was infectious. "Oh, have you?"

L wilted a little. "You don't approve, do you?"

"You don't need my approval to act, Ryuzaki. You know that. I was just wondering how you were going to carry all those books and DVDs back again, especially with your bad back. Don't think I haven't noticed you walking a little stiffly since you spent all night crouched out in the rain."

The young man thought about this, then wilted a little further. "Oh. Well, maybe half a dozen books and a few DVDs, then. I suppose I'll have to be back for the evening. My stupid body insists on making me sleep for a few hours every night. I don't know why. It never used to be this stubborn."

Soichiro's smile broadened. "Maybe it's been learning from your brain."

The look L gave him said he didn't find that particularly funny. "I'm supposed to be an insomniac!"

"That's not a good thing to be, Ryuzaki."

"I know, but there's sleep and there's _sleep_. I get three or four hours a night, _every_ night! That's almost _thirteen percent_ of every single day spent doing nothing but snoring. Not that I do snore," L added.

Soichiro would have begged to differ on _that_ score, but L didn't give him a chance. "Thirteen percent of every day doing nothing, and _why_? I mean, what do I have now that I didn't have before?"

"Healthy food, fresh air and a proper bed," Soichiro couldn't resist answering.

There was a long, long silence, then L said in the tones of one who is doing their best to climb down gracefully, "Alright, yes. But I still consider sleeping to be a waste of my time and talents, Yagami-_san_."

_Yes, and you have screaming nightmares_, the deputy director added silently.

"If we're discussing your talents—" he began.

"Yagami-_san_, I have no more information than you about who's behind this. In fact, considering I've had no access to any of the bodies nor the pathologist's reports, I have considerably less."

_Which is what makes your having a theory so damn annoying_, Soichiro thought bitterly.

"You know who's behind it." He hated himself for what he was about to say, but he couldn't see that he had much of a choice. "Withholding evidence is a serious crime, Ryuzaki."

"I _have_ no evidence, Yagami-_san_. Not real evidence; if I did, you'd be the first to know. And you're wrong. I don't know who's behind it in the sense of names and faces. I might have a grasp of the kind of group you're dealing with, but I can't be certain yet."

"When _can _you be certain?"

L sighed and slumped against the wall, hands stuffed into his jeans.

"I have a theory about where the next two murders might take place. You know that already. If one of them takes place in a different location, then it destroys my theory completely."

Soichiro barely heard any of this, his mind having latched onto a far more important part of L's response.

"Two? You know the location of the next _two_ murders?"

"No, I said I have a theory. That's not the same thing at all, Yagami-_san_."

The deputy director studied L for a few seconds, then decided it was worth pushing a little more. "But you have a _solid_ theory. I know you; you never make any kind of definitive judgement unless you can back it up from five different directions. Whatever that theory is, it's bound to be a lot better than my estimations."

L squeezed his eyes tight shut. "You're doing it _again_. Even if I shared this theory with you, you would take it straight into the NPA. Then if the murder took place in a different location to the one I've pinpointed, you would suspect each other of being involved and warning the killers in time for them to change their plans. It would never occur to you that I might be _wrong_, because I'm L, and I'm _never _wrong. I'm not allowed to make mistakes, remember?"

_Well, that explains why he threw the ashtray at me that day_, Soichiro thought with a kind of twisted humor. Apparently L hadn't taken kindly to being reminded of the levels of pressure he'd had to operate under.

"I'm not going to present it as proven fact, Ryuzaki, and most of the people in the NPA don't even know who you are."

L didn't answer.

_Think, idiot. He's got a point and you know it – the few who do know him as L would accept his word without question – so why don't you take that out of the equation?_

An idea occurred to Soichiro, one that went against the grain of everything he believed in and one he wasn't entirely certain he could pull off, but if it solved these murders...

"Ryuzaki, please don't misunderstand what I'm about to say, but if you're concerned that people are going to set too much store by any idea you come up with, then how would it be if I stepped up and took credit for it?"

L opened his eyes wide and stared at the deputy director. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking (_not that that's anything new_, Soichiro thought) but at least he hadn't exploded out of hand.

"If your theory turns out to be correct, then I'll make sure everyone knows it was you who came up with it—or not, if you prefer," Soichiro added rather hastily upon seeing L's wince. "But if it comes from me, then people will treat it with more skepticism than if it comes from you, since I'm not a world-famous detective. Don't glare at me like that; it's the truth."

L shifted his glare to the opposite wall, mouth moving silently as he worked things through in his own mind. Soichiro didn't push him, just stood there and let him take his time.

Five minutes had ticked off the deputy director's watch before L broke the silence, his voice a little hoarse.

"You would do that?"

"Only if it's what you want. I'm really not trying to steal your thunder, Ryuzaki. I don't care who catches these people so long as somebody does. If you'd rather keep your name out of this, then I'll make that happen for you. If your theory turns out to be correct and you'd like credit for it, then I'll stand back and let you take that credit." Soichiro paused, mostly for dramatic effect. "If I promised to submit this theory on your behalf, would you tell me about it then?"

L hesitated, then moistened his lips.

"If it does turn out to be wrong..." His voice faded and he gave Soichiro a pleading look.

"If it turns out to be wrong, Ryuzaki, then the NPA isn't going to blame you."

"I don't care about them blaming me; I care about _you_ blaming me!" L snapped his mouth shut and went pale, staring at his fridge with new intensity, biting on his thumbnail.

"When have I ever blamed you for being human? How long will it take you to explain this theory to me?"

L shrugged. "About ten minutes, I guess."

"And are you happy to do that today?"

Another tense shrug. "It doesn't seem like I have much choice."

Soichiro took a deep breath. "Ryuzaki—"

"I didn't mean it like that." L shifted his gaze to the older man's face. "I meant that this is the last day before the next murder. If you're going to try and use this theory to stop the people behind it, you have to know about it today. And you have access to information I don't; you may be able to do something with it."

The deputy director nodded. "I'm sorry to ask you this now of all times, but I don't have much of a choice either."

"No, I suppose you don't." L sighed. "Very well, Yagami-_san_. Please sit down; this won't take long."

Soichiro took a seat and L strolled over to one of the kitchen drawers, took out a large folder and brought it over, sitting down next to the older man.

"Alright," he said. "We know that location is important, since they grabbed another victim from Toshima after they failed to kill Sayu-_san_. So if you study the places on a map and pay attention to the actual geographical locations as opposed to the names, it becomes clear." L opened his folder, lifted out a map of Tokyo that Soichiro recognized instantly as an internet printout, and placed it reverently on the table.

"Are those _konpeito_?" Soichiro asked, staring at the small blobs.

"Yes. I can't stick pins into one sheet of paper, and I needed something bright and sticky. But look – Yagami-_san, _please pass me that red pen over there."

Soichiro handed him the pen and leaned over the map, curious, as L uncapped the pen and tested it by drawing a smiley face on the back of his hand, then handed it back to Soichiro.

"Good, it works. Now, please join the sites of the first and second murders – that is, Arakawa and Chiyoda – with a single line."

Soichiro did so and then drew another line without being prompted between Chiyoda and Toshima, and then between Toshima and Taito.

L smiled quietly. "I do so love it when people understand things for themselves, Yagami-_san_."

The deputy director sat back to examine his work. "I think you flatter me, Ryuzaki. I don't see anything yet. It's just a triangle with a couple of lines extending off it."

"Exactly. But if we assume that the next murder will take place in Shinjuku and you draw another line – here, you'd better use this blue pen to avoid confusion – between Taito and Shinjuku, and then between Shinjuku and Arakawa."

Soichiro did so, then stared at the result and dropped the pen.

"I'll be damned!"

"Yes." L's smile became more pleased. "Now you see it, don't you?"

"A _star_?"

"A pentagram," L corrected him. "An _inverted_ pentagram, to be exact. But it's not complete; it needs two more lines." He tapped the blue lines linking Taito with Shinjuku, and Shinjuku with Arakawa. "That's how I came up with Shinjuku."

Soichiro continued to stare at the diagram, blood racing through his veins.

_Finally! After all this stumbling around, we finally have a good, solid clue! _Or at least a potential one; as L said, this would only be conclusively proved if the next two murders took place where he predicted, but every instinct in Soichiro's body insisted that they would be.

"Ryuzaki," he said sincerely, "you are the most amazing person I have ever met."

L shifted his weight and, to Soichiro's astonishment, blushed. "Really?"

"Of course. How long have you suspected this?"

"I've had the theory in the back of my mind since the first murder. I remember watching a historical documentary on the Aztec civilization when I was nine, along with a _very_ in-depth and realistic reenactment of how they used to conduct human sacrifices by slicing open the victim's chest and ripping out the heart while it was still beating. I had nightmares for weeks. But face it; if I'd come to you after Arakawa and said _Hey, I think religious nutjobs are behind this because I saw a scary documentary when I was nine_, you would never have taken me seriously." He shrugged. "Of course, I can't say for sure that this _is_ religiously motivated until the next two murders. All I said was people are being killed in a rather gruesome way and in a way that will form a shape _if_ the next two murders take place where I predict. I didn't want to bring this up before since the killer could destroy the theory if they killed somewhere else. I wanted to wait until I was certain, only you were too impatient."

"Aztecs." Soichiro fell silent, considering. "Are there any more modern precedents for this kind of thing?"

"Several, although I can't think of any that specifically removed the heart. The Chicago Rippers used to slice off women's breasts."

"_Why_? What did they want them for?"

L turned a rather haggard look on Soichiro. "You don't want to know. I used to have nightmares about them too, even though that case was solved several years before I was put to work. I had to study all these as a kid, for...well, pretty much the reason you're asking me now, so that I would know if there were any precedents for a case I was working on. And of course, there was that poor girl Tomomi whose father drowned her a couple of years ago in an attempt to exorcise evil spirits."

"Yes, I remember reading about that." Soichiro stared at nothing for a few minutes. "Kumamoto, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. But about ninety nine percent of religious people just wander around quietly minding their own business and not causing problems for anybody. It's the few nutcases that give the others a bad name."

"So if the next murder _is_ in Shinjuku, then you think there'll be another in Arakawa to finish this...this _thing_."

"Perhaps. Or they may consider that since they've killed there once before, they've already marked that point on the map. If this theory is right, then if the murder after next isn't in Arakawa, it'll be in Bunkyo."

"Bunkyo? Why Bunkyo?"

"Because it's in the center. More or less," L amended. The pentagram was clearly recognizable as such, but it wasn't particularly neat or symmetrical.

Soichiro glanced up. "What's that got to do with anything?"

The young man gave him a look that was half surprised, half pitying. "Yagami-_san, _what on earth would be the point of setting up the world's biggest sacrificial site and never bothering to conduct any sacrifices there? That's why the location of the murders is so important."

Something shot through Soichiro's mind at that last sentence, a flash of uneasiness that came and went too fast for him to trace it to his source. He hoped it would come back before tomorrow.

"If you're right, then they can't keep killing in one district. They'll slip up sooner or later."

L shrugged. "Possibly. Or having done it here, they may move on to Kyoto or Osaka or somewhere. You haven't received any transfer requests or letters of resignation, have you?"

Soichiro shook his head. "No."

"Pity. Still, I suppose it was too much to hope that whichever member of the NPA is involved in this would make it that easy."

"Do you have any theories on that too?"

"Unfortunately not, except to say that it isn't anyone on the task force."

"No. No, you're right about that; I can't imagine any of them doing something like this, or even shielding those who would." Soichiro got to his feet, then looked down at the map. "Do you mind if I take this to show the others?"

"So long as you promise not to eat the _konpeito_, feel free."

"I can think of nothing I would like less, Ryuzaki, than to eat something which you've already spent several minutes licking and sucking on, but I want to see what the rest of the department makes of this. An outside opinion might help bring this all together." Soichiro folded the map gingerly, trying not to touch the _konpeito_, and tucked it into his pocket. He still hadn't had any coffee, but that no longer mattered. Now they had something really concrete to work with, even if it was just a theory.

_And Ryuzaki, if this theory of yours does turn out to be correct, I am going to__ buy you five DVD box sets and the biggest strawberries you've ever seen._


	27. Final Sacrifice

**PianoCatRulez:** Thanks XD

* * *

**JUNE 24**

_9.15am_

Soichiro stood in front of the department, waiting until all was silent before speaking. It didn't take long. Word of Matsuda's suspension had flown around and nobody wanted to bring the deputy director's wrath down upon their own head.

"New information has come to my attention from an anonymous source. I have good reason to believe that these killings—" Soichiro hesitated, then went on— "may be the work of a religious cult."

There was a silence.

"I thought cults were mostly made up of weird people who go around hanging tablecloths on trees," Suzuki remarked at the end of it.

"And flooding trains with sarin gas," Aizawa pointed out, a trifle coldly.

"Alright, but you know what I mean. Most of the time the members don't hurt anyone except themselves and each other. I'm not saying religious cults are good, but they don't usually go around carving people up. And we're pretty sure that there's a doctor involved in this, or even a surgeon, right? So how does that work?"

Soichiro raised his eyebrows.

"Do you think only stupid, uneducated people get sucked into cults?" he asked.

"Well—"

"These people are extremely good at what they do. In a way, the more education you have, the easier prey you are. Educated people are taught to debate things, to always be open to new ideas and experiences."

"It could be people making it look like the work of a cult," Aizawa pointed out. "No disrespect to you or your, uh, _anonymous source_, Yagami-_bucho_, but this doesn't sound like the work of a cult so much as a group of people trying too hard to make it _look_ like the work of a cult."

"You may be right," Soichiro conceded, "but it's still a lead of sorts. I also have good reason to believe – from the same anonymous source – that the next murder will take place in Shinjuku." He indicated the map L had lent him, which he'd blown up and pinned to the wall, replacing the _konpeito_ with push pins.

Aizawa leaned back in his chair, staring at the map. "That's it?"

"I know. It relies heavily on supposition and there's no way to prove it until the murders _are_ committed, which is why we're still going in tonight, but it's more of a theory than we've managed to come up with so far, and the removal of various body parts is consistent with historical sacrificial rites. I take it there's been no news from any of the hospitals?"

There was a general shaking of heads, then Suzuki spoke up. "I think the organ transplant theory can be tossed out, Yagami-_bucho_. I mean, any Japanese person who needs one usually goes overseas."

"Yes. You're right." Soichiro sighed. It had been a long shot at best. Maybe they'd turn up something tonight. There had been no murders today, which either meant that L's Fibonacci theory had been wrong or the murder just hadn't happened yet. Neither prospect pleased. "This isn't exactly a solid lead, I know, but it's the best we have right now. Takahashi, Sanami, come into my office for a moment. I need to discuss the arrangements for tonight with you both."

He turned and headed into his office, closely followed by the two detectives, Sanami closing the door carefully behind them.

Soichiro didn't beat around the bush. "Takahashi-_san_, are you in any kind of a relationship right now?"

"Uh, no."

"Good, because you're going to be Sanami's husband." Where had _that_ come from? Maybe he'd been spending too much time with L.

Takahashi choked for a few seconds, then said in a careful voice, "Ah...Sanami-_san_, I'm very flattered by your interest, but—"

"The mayor wants two of the representatives to act as husband and wife. Matsuda's been suspended from duty, and I don't think Aizawa could pull it off convincingly. Ueda and I are both too old. That just leaves you." Soichiro glanced down at the papers on his desk in an effort to avoid smiling at Takahashi's look. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen anyone look so very stunned. "You'll need to work out a backstory and practice calling each other by your first names."

Sanami blushed but nodded.

"A backstory?" Takahashi echoed stupidly.

"People talk at these things. What are you going to say if someone asks you where you went on your honeymoon?"

"Singapore," Takahashi answered, just as Sanami said, "Hokkaido."

Soichiro didn't bother commenting on this, just looked at the pair of them.

"I _come_ from Hokkaido," Takahashi protested. "Why would I want to go there on my honeymoon?"

"You could be taking me back to meet your parents."

Takahashi turned an expression of pure disbelief on Sanami. "Don't you think I would have done that _before_ we got married?"

"No, because your parents never approved of me but we were so wildly in love that we had to be together, and so we married in secret and are coming back to try and win your family's forgiveness."

The disbelief became, if possible, even greater. "_What_? Which trashy book of cliché romance did you get _that_ out of?"

_Well, at least their marital bickering is down pat_, Soichiro thought wearily as Sanami answered, "Well, _you_ come up with somewhere then."

"Fine." Takahashi pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed a few buttons, then turned it around so Sanami could see. "Okay, look. This is a map of the world. I'm going to close my eyes and put my finger on it. If it lands in the middle of the sea – _any _sea – then we took a cruise in the Pacific. Otherwise, whichever country it lands on is where you and I had a relaxing, romantic getaway."

"Fine. Let's see where this relaxing, romantic getaway of ours was."

It turned out to be North Korea.

"Ah. Best two out of three?" Takahashi suggested.

"Oh, let's say we went to Sapporo. You've just come back from there, so if anyone asks, you'll be able to talk about it. We can say you took me there for a week during the Snow Festival."

Takahashi choked again. "Do you have any _idea_ how much that would cost? And this is Sapporo we're talking about; it's not exactly cheap at the best of times!"

"That doesn't matter. It's all hypothetical anyway, so if we're going to invent a honeymoon, we might as well invent something good. Wouldn't you agree, Taka—I mean...what is your given name, anyway?"

For a moment Soichiro thought Takahashi wasn't going to answer, then the younger man said in a rather strained voice, "Kensuke."

"Alright; Kensuke-_san—_"

"Don't call him _san_," Soichiro interrupted. "You're supposed to be married."

Sanami looked away, clearly uncomfortable with the idea of addressing Takahashi without any honorific.

"I could call him _dear_, or _honey_," she suggested. "Or _darling_."

Takahashi actually winced. "Let's stick with Kensuke. And...uh..." He hesitated and glanced at Soichiro with a _help me out here_ expression.

"Masako," Sanami informed him.

"Right. Yeah. Masako." Takahashi cleared his throat. "Uh. Is there a dress code for this thing? Because I really don't have any formal clothes other than what I wear to work."

"Do you have a tie that's not black or grey?"

Takahashi frowned. "I think I have a red one somewhere. I've never worn it because I thought it was too bright."

Soichiro glanced at him warily. "_How_ bright?"

"Uh." The younger man looked around for a comparison and pointed to one of the books on Soichiro's shelf, a leather edition with a deep red cover. "That kind of bright."

"That's fine. Fortunately it's not such a large affair as we've all been imagining, so it's limited to four tables. You and Sanami will be on one, I will be on another and Aizawa and Ueda on a third."

"Alright. What about Matsuda?"

"Matsuda has been suspended from duty after punching Aizawa in the face," Soichiro answered a little curtly. Much as he regretted having to take such a step, he couldn't have done anything else, not after the young detective's actions.

Takahashi stared at him. "He...okay. Then is Ryuzaki coming?"

"No, he's not. Now, getting back to the seating arrangements; you two will be—"

The phone rang, cutting him off. Soichiro glared at it and then, when it failed to shut up, answered it.

"Yagami."

"Why _not_?" L demanded on the other end of the phone.

Soichiro drew in a long, deep breath.

"Ryuzaki," he said in a tightly controlled voice, "tell me where you've hidden the listening devices, make a mental note that if you ever bug my office again, I will turn you into the world's biggest ashtray, and then hang up the phone! You're not supposed to be listening to this conversation!"

"I know that. I like listening to conversations I'm not supposed to listen to. They're often a lot more interesting than the ones I _am_ supposed to listen to. And no matter how angry you are, Yagami-san, I find it rather hard to believe that you would punish me by stubbing out your cigarettes on various parts of my anatomy, so why can't I come? I've never been to a wedding reception before. It could be interesting." Pause. "An excellent opportunity for me to learn how to behave in a more formalized setting and thus become normal."

Soichiro began to say that there was no way in hell that he would risk bringing L into what might become a very nasty situation, then he thought of something better.

"Alright, Ryuzaki, you can come. Go and talk to Sachiko; she can find you some clothes."

"I have clothes, Yagami-_san_." Now L sounded faintly puzzled, and a little wary.

"You have jeans and t-shirts, yes, but if you want to come to a wedding reception, you'll need something a lot more formal. I'm sure Sachiko will be able to pick out a good quality suit and tie."

There was a pause. Then L said, "A suit?"

"Of course. You can't turn up to a wedding reception in just anything. It wouldn't be appropriate."

Longer pause. "I can give you...ten percent of my strawberry supply for the next week."

"What you do with strawberries is your business, Ryuzaki, but it makes no difference. You're still not coming. Now don't eavesdrop again!"

Soichiro slammed the phone down and glanced at Takahashi, who was clearly doing his very best not to smile.

"Something amusing you, Takahashi?"

"No, Yagami-_bucho. _I just can't help wishing I could have heard both sides of that conversation. What time do we need to be at the hotel?"

The deputy director checked his notes. "You don't need to come to the wedding itself, just the reception and that starts at eight. I want everyone there by seven thirty at the latest and if everything goes according to plan, there shouldn't be any trouble."

* * *

_7.10pm_

Matsuda glanced over his shoulder, body tense, feet making no sound on the hard floor. Stealth was one of his strongest points, although he'd never envisaged sneaking around in a garage of all places.

"Ow! Dammit!"

His night vision, however, left quite a lot to be desired.

_I should have brought a flashlight. _But that would definitely have caused questions to arise had anyone seen him, questions that he didn't feel much like answering just then. His plan was to get to Fujiko Hotel and do something – he hadn't worked out _what _yet, only that he could do it better there than he could here – and try and sneak out again before Soichiro saw him.

A little speculative wall-slapping brought him to a switch that might operate the lights and Matsuda pushed it.

Half a dozen fluorescent lights flickered on, revealing the garage and L, who was about six inches away from him.

"Good evening, Matsuda-_san_."

Matsuda jumped a foot in the air with a yell and reflexively slapped the switch again, turning the light off and plunging the garage back into darkness.

"God_dammit_, Ryuzaki! You shouldn't sneak up on me like that!"

"Oh? How should I sneak up on you?"

Matsuda turned around, breathing rapidly and trying to wrestle his heart rate under control. "What are you _doing_ here?"

"Waiting for you." L's hand snaked behind Matsuda and clicked the light on again, then he leaned back against the wall and looked at the detective, eyebrows arched. "I assume you're going to the hotel?"

Matsuda stared at him, mind working as he turned various ideas over and over. Had Soichiro left L here to guard him? But...no. No, that wasn't like the deputy director.

"Where do you keep the guns?" he asked abruptly. "And please don't waste my time by saying you don't know what I'm talking about. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not actually an idiot."

"Neither am I," L replied, attention now apparently fixed on the ceiling. "Yagami-_san_ did tell me you weren't going to be part of the security arrangements and now here I find you trying to drive after him and sneak in anyway."

"Did he tell you that I wasn't allowed to go along incognito as a guest?" Matsuda countered.

"Oh, _guest_. _Guest_ is different. He left me no instructions at all concerning what I should do if you tried to sneak in as a _guest_."

Matsuda straightened up, hope surging inside him. "Great! So you'll help me?"

L shifted his weight, still addressing the ceiling. "I don't know that I _will_, actually. You didn't help _me_ when I asked you to take me to the NPA."

"Only because I'd been ordered not to! And if you think that's not a good enough reason, Ryuzaki, then _you_ try saying _no_ to Yagami-_bucho_."

"Yet he didn't get angry with you," L commented. "Well, I knew he wouldn't; I was the one who defied him that time, so it stood to reason he'd only be angry with me."

"Yes, but unlike you, if I defy him once too often, I can lose my job."

The young man stretched to his full height, straightening his spine and looking Matsuda straight in the eye. It came as something of a shock to the detective to realize that L was as tall as him.

"Isn't that what you're doing now, though?" L asked pleasantly. "Defying Yagami-_san_?"

"Ryuzaki, please don't make me try to pull rank on you as a police officer."

"_Try_ being the operative word in that sentence. You've been suspended from duty so you _have_ no authority as a police officer, and since when did Stopping People Called Touta Matsuda From Going To A Party become a crime under Japanese law?"

"It's a wedding reception, not a party, and anyway, it wasn't my fault I punched Aizawa!"

L slowly returned to his customary slouch. "Right. Of course. It wasn't your fault; your hand just decided to curl into a fist and lash out of its own accord."

Matsuda sighed. "Will you _please_ tell me where I can find some kind of weapon? If I'm going into trouble, I don't want to be unarmed."

L studied him for a few seconds. At last he answered, "You know you're no longer a police officer, even if it's just temporary? If Yagami-_san_ catches you sneaking in, that's one thing, but if he finds you with a _gun_..."

"I'm not exactly planning to take it out and wave it around, Ryuzaki! Now are you going to tell me where the guns are kept or am I going to have to...do something?" Matsuda finished lamely.

"You mean like thinking up more impressive threats?" L sighed. "Alright. I knew you weren't going to listen to reason, so I prepared this for you."

He reached behind him into the waistband of his jeans and held out a sleek black automatic pistol. Matsuda took the gun and checked it over. It was heavier than the NPA standard issue firearm, but it seemed alright. Glancing up at L, he said, "You know, that whole second-guessing thing you do might be unnerving but it does save a lot of time."

L smiled a little. "Yes, I know. Shall we?"

Without waiting for a response, he turned and sauntered toward a blank section of the wall.

"_We_?" Matsuda hastened after the young man and caught hold of him by the shoulders, spinning him around to face him. L froze, his gaze darting between Matsuda's hands before apparently deciding that neither of them represented hostility.

"Ryuzaki..." Matsuda floundered for a few seconds, trying to find the right words, and at last settled for, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

L might as well have been carved in stone for all the emotion he showed. "What makes you ask that?"

"_You_ do! Whenever you're feeling vulnerable you hide behind ice and logic. I won't stop you but I'd like to know that you _want _to go as opposed to putting your life on the line because you think you have to or you owe Yagami-_bucho_ for something. I just...I think you should have the chance to back out if you want. I remember before on the Kira case, you always looked so..." He broke off, unsure of how far he could take this. Somehow he thought it would be unwise to tell L what he'd overheard that night.

"So...what?" L prompted.

"Tired. I don't mean sleepy, but tired in every sense of the word. Like you'd given up and were just going through the motions because you couldn't see any way out. I'm just trying to offer you one now."

"Why?"

No wonder L and Soichiro got on so well, Matsuda thought. They both had the same habit of asking those annoying questions that he really _didn't_ want asked.

"Because..." He broke off, ran his free hand through his hair and sighed. "Because I was too much of a coward to offer you one on the Kira case."

L's head snapped around and he stared at Matsuda. Usually whenever L looked at him, Matsuda got the impression that the young man was only bothering to listen to him with half an ear, if that, but this time was different. For the first time since meeting him, something told Matsuda that he had L's complete and undivided attention.

"I'm sorry. I just...like I told Aizawa, you've been used your whole life and it's about time you got to have a say in what happens to you."

"So you're trying to change my mind?"

"No, I'm trying to explain that you're free and if you really _want_ to do this, then fine, but you shouldn't feel like you owe any of us."

L shook his head. "I don't, at least not when it comes to Aizawa or Sanami. But if Yagami-_san_ needs help, I can't just abandon him." He paused, then said more to himself than Matsuda, "He taught me how to live."

Matsuda hesitated. "How are you planning to get there?"

"With your help. Come with me. I have a vehicle we can use that will be more suitable than your car."

"I'm not sure a bike would be much good," Matsuda said, although he was already following L toward the wall. He'd have to get the young man to teach him where all the secret passages in his own apartment were.

"This isn't a bike." L rummaged in his jeans before pulling out a pen and sliding it into a small hole that was concealed in one corner. There was a low rumble and the wall slid up to reveal a hot pink crepe van.

Matsuda gaped at it for several seconds, mouth opening and closing in strangled silence.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!"

"I rarely kid, except with Yagami-_san_."

"But..." Matsuda started to say, and then gave up. Arguing the point with L would only waste time and he wasn't sure what kind of argument the young man would concede. "Does the van have a card?" he asked instead. "Those toll roads are a real pain."

"Yes, but can't you avoid them?"

"Only if you want to add another two hours onto the journey," Matsuda answered, looking back at the van. He'd only seen it once before when L had sent him those crepes just after the Kira case, and he'd forgotten just how very pink it was. "Ryuzaki, I'm sure it's bulletproof and all the things you mentioned, but is this _really_ the only vehicle we can use?"

"It's the best choice. The crepe van is entirely bulletproof, capable of speeds exceeding one hundred and fifty kilometers per hour, and equipped with the latest state of the art technology. And, of course, you can use it to cook dinner afterward."

"Yes, but it's _pink_!" Matsuda protested.

"The color has no effect on the efficiency. You'd better drive; I'm not sure it would be a good idea for me to get behind the wheel. I've never driven a car before."

"Don't you have anything a little less conspicuous?"

L gave him a blank look. "What do you mean?"

Matsuda struggled to find a way to put his thoughts into words, failed and eventually had to settle for repeating, "It's _pink_!"

"Yes, I know. What does that have to do with anything?"

Something told Matsuda that L wouldn't understand him if he tried to explain the concept of street cred especially _viz-a-viz _the color pink for intimidating looking rescue vehicles, and so he had to settle for, "Have you seen many vehicles of this color out on the roads?"

"Of course not. However, I have seen many people park their cars and then be unable to find them later."

Matsuda glanced at him, unsure. "You have?"

"Yes. Many people drop spare change when rummaging for their keys. Either they fail to notice or they notice but don't notice how _much_. Whichever it was, car parks were always the best place for me to pick up a few hundred yen when I was on the streets in Aomori, and we're getting off the subject. With this van, we'll be able to go straight to it if we need a quick getaway. And as I said before, it's bulletproof." L handed Matsuda a key then opened the passenger door and hopped in. "Please drive. I don't have a license and I don't know the way."

Matsuda wasn't entirely certain about it himself – Yamanashi wasn't a prefecture he was all that familiar with – but if the worst came to the worst he supposed L could mapread or something.

Opening the door, he clambered into the driver's seat, fumbled the key into the ignition and started the engine. A tinny tune sounded from somewhere above their heads and Matsuda glanced up.

"What was that?"

L snapped the seatbelt across his waist and curled up into a ball again. "Watari and I used this on stakeouts. It's a genuine crepe van, so it would have been odd if it didn't play a tune to attract potential customers. And forestalling your next and rather illogical statement, playing music has no effect on the safety of this vehicle, although I will concede that it takes away the element of stealth. I must have forgotten to turn it off last time." Reaching out, he flicked a switch on the dashboard while Matsuda wondered just why L had turned it _on_ in the first place.

"What are we going to say if Yagami-_bucho_ sees us in this van?" he wanted to know.

"Unless he's stood outside searching every vehicle that comes in, that's highly unlikely. If he does, put the blame on me. Tell him I held you at gunpoint and forced you to drive me."

"But you're not holding me at gunpoint," Matsuda pointed out, and seconds later found himself staring down the barrel of a pistol. "_Ryuzaki_! For god's sake! Where did you get that?"

"Osaka. I picked it up from Watari's old house yesterday. Yagami-_san_ knows about it."

"Does he know that you _have_ it, or is he just aware of its general existence?" Matsuda pushed the gun aside. "And you shouldn't go around threatening people with it! You shouldn't have it at _all_."

"Look who's talking." L pulled the gun back and studied it as if he'd never seen one before. "Now please drive."

"Well, at least give me the gun first! If we get pulled over and they find that, you'll be arrested and even Yagami-_bucho_ wouldn't be able to save you."

L shrugged. "Alright. Here you go."

He held it out to Matsuda, who took it and stuffed it into the other side of his waistband.

"Okay. Let's get going."

He put the van into reverse and backed out of the garage, inwardly seething.

_Kamen Rider had a really cool motorbike, Spiderman had a flying car and giant robot packed full of all kinds of rockets and weapons, and I'm stuck driving to the rescue in a bright pink crepe van that plays a happy little jingle! This is so humiliating!_

* * *

_9.40pm_

The reception hall was glowing, lit by candles on each of the tables and softly dimmed ceiling lights. A low buzz of conversation rippled through the room, lending further intimacy to the scene. It was romantic, it was beautiful, and it was boring Soichiro out of his mind.

The killer hadn't struck that day, and while that was obviously a good thing, it had left the deputy director feeling more worried than relieved, and he couldn't even discuss it with the other operatives. Quite apart from the fact that people being paralyzed and having their hearts chopped out was hardly suitable dinner conversation, he and the rest of the NPA operatives had been scattered to different tables as per his instructions, the better to keep an eye on everyone. Takahashi and Sanami, in their guise of husband and wife, were sitting at a corner table and playing their part very well, Soichiro had to admit. Aizawa, who always thrived in this kind of social setting, was chatting amicably with his neighbors on another table and Ueda, who was seated across from him, seemed more interested in finishing off his second helping of the creamy pasta dish that was being served than in any kind of conversation.

Which was all well and good, but it left Soichiro on a table with two married couples who had three kids between them, all of which were too young to be up this late and who looked just as bored as he felt.

_I should have let Ryuzaki come after all._ _At least then I would have had someone to talk to_.

Soichiro suppressed a sigh. He wasn't a great lover of huge social gatherings, although he could play that game as well as anyone. Part of him insisted this was a huge waste of time, time that could be spent with his family, including L. He'd sat through the wedding ceremony which had been one of the dullest he'd attended, and as head of his department, he'd attended more than a few; in fact, it was rare for a month to go past without his being required to go to either a wedding or a funeral.

_I could have done without going to this one though._

He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. The mayor had, to use popular vernacular, freaked out big time when his daughter received that death threat, but it didn't ring true to Soichiro. It smacked of amateurism and whoever the people behind these murders were, they certainly weren't amateurs.

_And why would they send a threat to this victim? They never did before. _

Of course, there was a strong possibility that the girl was being targeted by someone else – just because the threat might not have come from the killers everyone was after, that didn't mean it was a bluff – but in that case, some other girl all the way back in Shinjuku was probably dead right now. Soichiro didn't know for certain, since he'd turned off his phone. Then again, he hadn't had much success at the crime scenes either; at least here he might be able to do some good.

"Would you like some more wine?"

Soichiro glanced at up the server and shook his head. "No thank you." The wine was probably good – although he was hardly an expert – but it was too sweet for his taste. Besides, he wanted to keep a clear head.

He wondered what L was doing. Whatever it was, the deputy director thought it had to be more interesting than what _he_ was doing just then.

_Maybe I should have brought him. Except this could be very dangerous and besides, there's no way I could have got him into a suit. _The only time Soichiro had seen L in a suit and tie had been that time in his office when the young man had used that reporter to frame Sato.

_Yeah. He's much better and safer where he is, sitting in his apartment and stuffing himself on strawberries _(Soichiro had bought L a large punnet as a surprise and hidden it in the young man's refrigerator while he was out).

The deputy director sat there, pretending to listen to the conversation around him, all the while scanning the room for signs of danger and doing his best to ignore the little voice that kept trying to tell him...something. Something L had said...something about the murders.

_Yes, but the girl's right here. They're only interested in people in Shinjuku._

There it was again, that strong sense of foreboding. Dessert – a large piece of chocolate fudge cake with more emphasis on the fudge part than anything else – provided a brief respite, although it was so sugary it made his throat itch. It didn't seem to bother Ueda or Takahashi though, who both went up for seconds before many people had finished their first serving. Soichiro noticed Ueda stopped and spoke to Sanami in a low voice for a few minutes, but he was too far away to hear what the man was saying.

Ueda returned to his seat and began eating his second helping of chocolate cake with every bit as much enjoyment as the first. Even that rang some kind of alarm bell.

_No. You're getting paranoid; everything here's fine_.

Five seconds later, the lights went out, leaving nothing but the candles to illuminate the room. In that second, Soichiro finally pinned down what had been bothering him all day and felt his heart freeze in his chest.

_If that's it...if I'm right..._

"Aizawa! Come with me."

For a moment he thought that Aizawa would actually refuse, then the younger man came to join him, following the deputy director out the hall and into the reception, which was as dark as the rest of the building.

"Yagami-_bucho_, I—"

"The _murders_!" Soichiro interrupted. "That's what Ryuzaki said to me! The location of the _murders_ is important! They don't care where their victims come from, only where they're killed! They murdered that Western kid, didn't they, because she was in Taito at the time when they needed a victim! Dammit, they're here now and waiting for this!" Soichiro yanked open a door to search for intruders, dodged just in time to avoid being flattened by a bunch of cleaning implements which had somehow been crammed inside with blatant disregard for both health and safety – and, Aizawa suspected, the laws of physics – and stalked on without bothering to shut it.

"Yagami-_bucho_, I'm not quite with you, but there's really something you should know—"

"It's going to have to wait, Aizawa."

"But—"

"The _murders_. That's what it all comes down to! They don't have to _find_ their victim in Bunkyo or Arakawa; they just have to kill them there! They can kidnap her and keep her hidden until they decide to kill her, then drive her to wherever they're going and murder her there! Aizawa, go and—"

"_I know who the leak is_!" It was rare for Aizawa to interrupt Soichiro, let alone shout him down, and for a few seconds the deputy director was too taken aback to answer. "I wasn't sure until after dessert, but now I'm certain. Ryuzaki was right; someone in the NPA _is_ involved in this and that operative is in the hotel right now and because of that, we're all in very real danger!"

Soichiro stared at him. "What the hell does _dessert_ have to do with anything?"

Aizawa didn't waste time answering. Instead, he turned and sprinted for the stairs; he was never sure if elevators worked during a power cut or could be run on emergency power, and he wasn't about to find out the hard way either.

_He has to be up here; it's the one place we didn't check. You may have sneaked out of the reception hall while Yagami and I were busy outside it, Ueda, but we weren't gone for that long and you couldn't have gotten far._

Aizawa finally found Ueda with Sanami on the second floor, where he suspected Sanami had gone to try and reassure the guests. Had Ueda put that idea in her head and used it as an excuse to slip away from the reception? Well, no matter.

"Hey!" Was there some kind of scientific reason why a person's voice always seemed to echo so much more in the dark? Probably. Not that it was all that dark now that the emergency lighting had kicked in, but still...

Ueda stopped and turned. There was something in his expression that Aizawa had never seen there before, something that made him pull out his gun and _fast_.

"I think that's far enough," Aizawa stated. He raised his weapon, pointing it squarely at Ueda's forehead.

Sanami paled. "Aizawa-_san—_"

Ueda didn't seem all that surprised, which was confirmation enough as far as Aizawa was concerned.

As he watched, he saw the other man's hand sliding toward his pocket, where he kept the glucagon kit. The kit that wasn't really a kit.

"Sanami, _move_!"

Still clearly uncertain, Sanami stepped back until she was about halfway between the two men. Fine. She was too far away for Ueda to attack, which was all Aizawa cared about.

"How long have you suspected me?" Ueda demanded.

"Since Etsuko Inoue came back that time and was adamant about only talking to Yagami. I thought that was odd, because if all she wanted to do was add to or amend her original statement, then any one of us could have arranged that and she wouldn't have needed to bother Yagami. The only reason she would have demanded to speak to him in particular was if she felt she couldn't trust one or more of the detectives who first interviewed her." Aizawa shook his head. He'd got hold of a copy of Etsuko's amended statement and ever since then had been starting to piece everything together. "You know she heard voices that night? She didn't hear names, but it's possible she might have recognized your voice, and of course, you brought her in and you brought her in alone. Plenty of time to frighten her into silence. A young girl all by herself against a big tough policeman? The poor kid must have been terrified."

Ueda folded his arms. "That's hardly compelling evidence, Aizawa-_san_. You don't have any proof."

"How about this then? Yagami-_bucho_ said you're diabetic, yet you had three glasses of sweet wine and two large helpings of that chocolate cake tonight. Bit of a strange thing to do."

The older man raised his eyebrows. "Strange as it may seem, people with diabetes don't immediately drop into a coma whenever they eat a little chocolate."

"No, but people whose diabetes is severe enough to require insulin injections tend to be a lot more cautious when it comes to measuring their sugar intake. Three glasses of sweet wine and _two_ helpings of that chocolate cake? I was feeling queasy after just one. And I think you were the one who picked Sayu as a target, although short of a full confession from you or one of your cohorts, I doubt I'll ever be able to prove that." Aizawa's gun didn't so much as quiver.

"Aizawa-_san_, be sensible. If I wasn't diabetic, why would I have a glucagon kit?"

"Yeah, that's what I wondered. And then I thought, what if it had nothing to do with diabetes? What if you just wanted a valid excuse to carry a syringe and some kind of medication around without arousing suspicion? One clear liquid looks exactly like another and who in the world would ask a supposed diabetic whether the drug he was carrying in that glucagon kit was really insulin? Who'd even wonder about it? We already know that someone involved in this is in the medical profession, so he could arrange for you to be given a kit, even official medical records. How long have you all been planning this?"

Ueda shook his head slowly, glancing at Sanami. "You don't believe this, do you? There isn't any real evidence."

"Believing something isn't the same thing as proving it," Aizawa countered before Sanami had a chance to speak. "The more I think about it, the more it seems to make sense. You were first on the scene every time; easy enough if you knew where it was going to be ahead of time. As a police officer, you could get a copy of the hotel master key easily enough. All you had to do was go in and flash your ID and make up a pretext to search one of the rooms. A quick impression of the master key and you could get a copy made anywhere, then just wait for the right victim to come along." Aizawa shook his head. "And you've worked in forensics, so you knew exactly what to get rid of. I think you were even present at one or two killings, but since you were also there to clean up, nobody would think twice about any trace evidence they may find."

"Why would I care about that? Trace evidence is the same as circumstantial evidence. I could leave fingerprints and DNA all over the murder weapon and it wouldn't be enough to convict me in any court of law."

"True." Still Aizawa didn't move. "Still, I will admit that if Yagami-_bucho_ hadn't told me you were diabetic and therefore had a critical need to monitor how much sugar you take in, I never would have suspected you."

Ueda shifted his weight. Beads of sweat had popped out along his forehead and he was breathing slightly more rapidly.

"Aizawa-_san,_ you're making a huge mistake."

"Actually, I've already made one, although you don't seem to have spotted it," Aizawa informed him. "It's not sugar that diabetics monitor that closely; it's carbohydrates. Of course, you blew it either way by having two helpings of that creamy pasta dish before the two helpings of chocolate cake, but that doesn't matter; if you really were diabetic, you'd have pulled me up on it. I know you, Ueda. You like everything to be correct."

Ueda moved so fast that Aizawa barely had time to register that he'd moved at all before the other man had grabbed Sanami and yanked her over to him, twisting both her arms up behind her.

"Alright. If that's the way you want to play it, that's fine with me. It's all going down this evening anyway, so I doubt my showing my hand five minutes early will matter." Standing behind Sanami, Ueda added. "Now what?"

Aizawa hesitated. Ueda was shorter than most men, enabling him to use Sanami as a very effective human shield. Aizawa himself had no real feelings toward Sanami one way or the other – she was a workmate and one of the old task force who sometimes came out drinking, nothing more – but even if he'd hated her, even if Sanami had been the biggest bitch this side of the Pacific, he still didn't have it in him to gamble with her life.

Both men had, however, reckoned without Sanami herself, who didn't hesitate before lifting her foot and kicking Ueda in the knee so hard that the heel of her shoe snapped off and embedded itself in the man's leg.

Ueda went white and let out a muffled choking sound, releasing Sanami – who hurried out of arm's reach – and clutching his knee.

"Where did you learn _that_?" Aizawa asked out the corner of his mouth.

"Mogi-_san_ taught me." Sanami backed away further until she hit the wall, so pale that Aizawa thought she was going to faint. "Will he be alright?"

"He'll live, which is all we need to worry about." Aizawa shook his head in disgust as he stared at Ueda, whose face was now white and drawn with pain. "Threatening and attempting to assault a police officer. The charges just keep piling up against you, don't they?"

Ueda licked his lips, edging back. "Aizawa-_san_...you don't want to shoot me. I can tell you who was behind this. I can give you names—"

"I can give you names as well," Aizawa said in a hard tone. "Chikako Tanaka. Yuka Hyuga. Sayu Yagami. Akemi Okina. Shall I go on?" He hoped the answer would be _no_; the name of that Western kid who had been murdered in the hotel was a real bitch to pronounce.

"Sayu survived," Ueda pointed out.

"Only thanks to Ryuzaki."

"That kid? He's nothing but some freak who got lucky."

"He's L. Kid, yes, freak, hell yeah, but I don't think I'd say he was a lucky one." Aizawa circled around, grabbed Sanami by the arm and yanked her behind him, never lowering his gun. "And I'll say this much: he may be a freak, but he's a loyal freak who's always fought on our side. Well, _my_ side; there is no _our_ anymore, not as far as you're concerned. I just want to know why you'd do something like this."

Ueda shook his head. "If you're going to do this, you'll have to arrest me and if you're going to do _that_, then I'm not saying another word."

Aizawa lifted one shoulder in a shrug, pretending a cool-headedness he was far from feeling.

"Well, you confessed. I guess that's all we need."

"I suppose so, but the problem is that you don't know how many of us there are. As you so rightly pointed out, I'm not on your side, and you and Sanami are both down here instead of up there where you _should_ be. That only leaves Yagami and Takahashi to hold down the fort, and Takahashi's far too inexperienced to be of much use by himself. If you screw around trying to arrest me, you won't have enough time to catch the real people behind this." He shrugged. "Besides, I'm just a tool. I'm not the mastermind behind this."

"Then who is?"

The older man smiled. "I'm sorry, Aizawa-_san_. That's all I have to say. I only told you this much as it would be impossible for me to deny it given that I tried to take Sanami hostage. I'm also the only one who might be persuaded to give you the names of the people behind it, in exchange for a certain amount of immunity."

"And if I say no?"

Ueda shrugged again. "Well, apart from finding that very difficult to explain to Yagami, there's still this." His hand darted into his pocket and pulled out the fake kit. Snapping it open, he withdrew the syringe, holding it aloft. "You were quite right; this isn't insulin. It—"

The syringe exploded in a fountain of liquid and shards, silencing him. Ueda jerked back reflexively, eyes wide with shock, then dropped what was left of the plunger and stared to his left, his face contorted in disbelief.

"_You_?"

Matsuda stepped forward, and looked at a stunned Aizawa. "Um. You'd better arrest him. I don't think I'm allowed to anymore."

"What? Oh...yeah." Aizawa jerked back into reality and seized Ueda, who still looked like he was in a state of minor shock himself at Matsuda's marksmanship. Twisting the other man's arms behind his back, Aizawa snapped the handcuffs around Ueda's wrists. "Matsuda, what the hell are you _doing_ here? You've been suspended from duty!"

"We're in a hotel in semi-darkness with a bunch of people trying to kill us and _that's_ all you're worried about?"

"Alright; how about telling me where you got the gun? Oh, of course," Aizawa answered himself. "Ryuzaki. I take it he's got a secret armory in that building of his?"

"Yeah. He's here somewhere; we came together. He can take care of himself." Matsuda checked his weapon, then glanced at Sanami. "Are you armed?"

"No."

"You'd better take this then." Matsuda held out the gun. "It's alright, I've got another one." When Sanami hesitated, he caught hold of her wrist and pushed the weapon into her hand. "_Take_ it! You might get separated again. Do you know how many there are?"

This was to Aizawa, who shook his head. "No. The lights went out about ten minutes ago. Lights out, doors locked...people have been panicking. Most of the hotel guests seem to have the sense to stay in their rooms. I don't think they know what's going on, but all it'll take is one of these people to knock on the door and pass themselves off as the manager and they'll have a nice little hostage. I'll keep an eye on Ueda, make sure he doesn't get away. Sanami-_san_, please patrol the corridors and make sure nobody comes out of the rooms. Matsuda, if Yagamicatches you, he's going to rip you a new one, but that's your lookout. What are you planning to do?"

Matsuda's face fell. "I'm not sure. I sort of thought that part would be easier to decide once I was here."

"Why am I not surprised? Alright. Just...find Ryuzaki and try to stop him doing anything stupid." _If he hasn't done that already..._

* * *

L moved silently through the hotel, every sense on red alert. Sneaking was something he'd become very proficient at while living with Watari, sometimes because he was going out for an illicit walk, more often out of a genuine desire not to disturb the old man. Watari had been a very light sleeper.

He didn't know where Matsuda had gone and he didn't much care either. All he cared about just then was Soichiro.

_Where is he? I have to find him._

_He could be hurt, _his other mind suggested. _He could even be dying. Lying somewhere, shot in the chest or belly, bleeding his life out—_

_Shut up! He's fine! You'll see._ _He's fine and I'll find him. I know how these places work. _Although L had comparatively little experience with normal, everyday living, being moved around on a regular basis from suite to suite whenever he wasn't in the house in Osaka meant that he was extremely familiar with hotels.

_They can't be holding the reception in the dining room; the mayor's paranoid and he'd insist on no one being present that he didn't personally know. The hotel wouldn't shut the dining room off to all the other guests, so they must be in the conference room or the event hall. Probably the event hall; the conference room may not be big enough and the ambiance is more suited to weddings._

_I'll go with that. So what are you going to do when you get there?_

_I don't know_, L thought back. _I'll think of something. Now shut up. I need to concentrate. _

He rounded the corner, heading for the stairs. He distrusted elevators at a time like this; it would be too easy to post someone on every floor with a gun, ready to shoot anyone they saw the moment the doors opened. At least on the stairs you had a chance of fighting or running.

_Except I think I'm getting very tired of running._

_Right, so if someone leaps out and fires a machine gun at you, you're just going to stand there and block the bullets with the almighty power of...what? Your ego?_

_Will you shut up! I'm trying to think._

_Alright. You think. And while you're doing that, may I suggest we try going into that room over there? You know, the one with 'Event Hall' on the doors?_

L sneaked up to the doors in question and pressed an ear against it. He did so in a rather cautious fashion; the last time he'd eavesdropped like this had been when he was eleven and Watari had – quite inadvertently – opened the door and whanged L in the side of the head with it.

Nothing. No speeches. No clapping. Not even any kind of conversation.

_If I open the door and go inside, is anyone going to notice?_

_Probably. But if you don't open the door, how are you going to find your—_

_Don't say handler_, L warned.

_Have it your way. The point still stands, whatever you want to call him._

L straightened up and stared at the door. All he had to do was open it as silently as possible, go in, see that Soichiro was alright, and go back out again.

_Except just because you can't hear the speech doesn't mean that one's not being given. What if they're a dais facing the door? What if they've asked Yagami-san to give a speech?_

_Don't be stupid. They wouldn't ask him._

_How can you be sure? How do you know who gives speeches at weddings? You've never been to one before._

L stared at nothing for a few seconds, then took hold of the handle and turned it very quietly, opened the door and stepped into a large, candlelit room.

_More romantic, I suppose,_ his other mind commented.

_Yeah, and they've had a power failure,_ L retorted. _Or didn't you notice the lights in the reception were out?_

_Of course I did. The question is, did you notice that none of the other buildings around this one have suffered from this mysterious power failure?_

_No. I mean, yes, I noticed that, but the candles are all placed in the center of each table. You wouldn't do that if you'd had a power failure; you'd just hold them or put them on the first available surface, not waste time arranging them prettily._ L glanced around. So far nobody had noticed his appearance, but it was only a matter of time. Even in the poor lighting, no one would mistake his t-shirt and jeans for a suit.

_I should have worn a disguise_. L continued staring, searching for Soichiro, mentally dismissing everyone too tall or short or female to be him.

_There! Just off to the side._ He'd know that figure anywhere.

_Okay. Great. He's here, he's alive, he's happy enough in this candlelit scene, so can we please get out of here before he sees us? And subsequently kills us?_

The thought of this prompted L to slink behind the wedding cake. Sticking out a finger, he swiped a generous amount of frosting off the top layer and sucked at it thoughtfully. It wasn't always easy to know how Soichiro was going to react to something, but L didn't think the deputy director would be pleased to see him there.

_He doesn't look happy_, he thought. _He looks a little tense_.

_Maybe he caught sight of you out the corner of his eye or something._

_Yeah, but why isn't he sitting down? Why isn't anyone sitting down? _L glanced around, senses kicking into overdrive. He had been trained to scan every room for threats until it was as ingrained in him as breathing, and this plus his better vantage point meant that he saw what Soichiro didn't; someone with a gun.

He doubted anyone else had noticed, and not just because of the absence of screams; the candles changed the shadows in the room until you weren't entirely sure _what_ you were looking at and the man was tucked away in one corner.

Was he actually _aiming_ for Soichiro? L didn't know and he cared less; all that mattered to him was that there was a chance Soichiro was the target and an even greater chance that he'd be hit by a badly aimed bullet.

Attacking the man was out; L was unarmed and too far away. Although he could use a gun, he wasn't too experienced with them and preferred to rely on his own fighting skills wherever possible, but the problem with _that_ was that capeoira – or any kind of martial arts, come to that – had never been designed for long-distance use. There was no way he could get to the would-be killer and disarm him faster than the man could pull the trigger.

In that second, L was certain he was about to lose the man who had become like a father to him and he acted before his other mind could protest. Hurtling forward, he slammed into Soichiro with his full weight, taking the deputy director to the ground half a second before he heard the gunshot.

An impact like a red hot hammer knocked him sideways and onto his back and on a deep, subconscious level, he knew even before he landed that it was bad. He'd been shot before, but never like this, never with the world tilting around him and filling with stars as he lay there. He thought he heard someone shout his name but that didn't matter, nothing in the whirling chaos around him mattered now except for one single, vital thing.

_Yagami-san...did I do well?_

Then the stars turned black and there was nothing but darkness.

* * *

**AN: **Okay...this really was _not_ supposed to happen, but it seems L had ideas of his own about being left behind. Question now is, will he make it to the hospital in time? ;) Also, for those of you wondering about Matsuda's thoughts on Spiderman, he _is_ Japanese, and the Japanese version of Spiderman is radically different from the original ;)

**AN 2: **In other news, I'm sorry about the wait; I've been having problems with my neighbor and that plus moving has taken a lot of my time :) I will try and post the next chapter a little sooner, but as always, I can't make any promises ;)


	28. Nothingness

**sakurablossom22: **Well, you'll find out in this chapter whether L survives or not ;)

**Dennis Nedry: **Heh. If I've managed to reduce even just one person to tears, then I've done my job XD

**PianoCatRulez:** Yeah, L's nothing if not devoted ;) As for what's going to happen...read on ;)

* * *

**JUNE 24 – 25**

It should have happened in slow motion.

That was the first thought in Soichiro's mind as he stared at L. Wasn't that how it was supposed to be in the movies? The plucky young man throws himself into harm's way and there's a burst of dramatic music, and the motion slows almost to a standstill? Instead the bullet spun L around and sent him sprawling on his back so fast that Soichiro wasn't even sure it had happened.

_This isn't the movies. This is real life_.

"_Ryuzaki_!"

L's throat moved but no sound emerged. Soichiro wasn't certain if the young man had heard him or if the word had even meant anything to him.

Two more gunshots close enough to numb his eardrum dragged at least part of Soichiro back to the present and he snapped his head up, seeing Takahashi standing above him with a smoking gun in both hands.

"_What the hell do you think you're doing_?"

Takahashi glanced at him. "I just...I saw the man who tried to shoot you and I thought—"

"_Never_ fire into a crowd, Takahashi! Ever! What if you'd hit a civilian? You goddamned idiot!" Deep down, Soichiro knew that he was only lashing out at Takahashi because L was bleeding to death in front of him – and from the absence of further shrieking, he was sure the young detective hadn't actually _hit _anyone – but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered to him except L. Pushing himself onto his hands and knees, Soichiro crawled over to the young man and knelt down by his recumbent body.

It was like a horrific form of deja vu. One son had died trying to kill him and now it looked like the other was going to die trying to save him.

"Ryuzaki, don't you dare quit on me now! You hear me? Don't you _dare_! You don't usually obey me without a good reason or a fight, but if you even _think_ of disobeying me now, I'll burn every single one of those damn horror books that you love so much! Every last one!"

"Yagami-_bucho_?" That was Takahashi, now looking very unsure of himself. "I—"

"Get down here." Soichiro reached up, grabbed the younger man and hauled him down to eye level. "Look after Ryuzaki. Keep him warm, stop him bleeding out, keep—no, wait, on second thoughts I'll do it. You go and get Matsuda and bring him here."

Takahashi stared at him, a baffled look on his face. "Matsuda? But isn't he—"

"_Now_! Ryuzaki couldn't have come to the hotel by himself; he can't drive, his bike is still in the NPA car park. That means Matsuda brought him and _that _means Matsuda is somewhere in this hotel! Go and find him and tell him I want him down here yesterday!"

Takahashi turned and headed for the exit at a run. Under any other circumstances, Soichiro would have ordered him to walk normally – the last thing they needed was to panic the general public, who were scared enough already – but slowing down Takahashi was the last thing on his mind just then. In fact, he was furious that the younger man wasn't moving faster.

Oblivious to everything around him, Soichiro sat down on the ground, holding L, too numb to think. He hadn't realized until that moment just how far that stubborn, suspicious young man had wriggled into his affections. At first caring for L had simply been a welcome distraction from the residual pain of Light's death, but it wasn't until now that he realized just how much L had come to mean to him.

_To all of us, even with his occasional explosions_. Most of those were reserved for Soichiro; as far as the deputy director knew, L had never exploded at either Sachiko or Sayu apart from that one time, and nobody could say the young man hadn't apologized for that.

A small smile appeared on Soichiro's face as he remembered L's idea of an apology. He wondered if Sachiko had managed to find enough receptacles for all the flowers yet.

_Who saved who?_ Certainly he'd taken L off the streets and more or less nursed him back to health, but L had pulled Soichiro out of his depression and helped him reconnect with his wife and daughter. If it hadn't been for L, the deputy director was honest enough to admit that he would still just be going through the motions. Of course, having the young man explode at him and occasionally try to assault him hadn't been the most enjoyable of experiences but it beat the hell out of the zombie-like existence Soichiro had been living. In his own way, L had become a link between the members of the Yagami family.

A loud pounding announced Matsuda, who rushed to L's side, dropping to his knees and sliding the last few feet.

"_Ryuzaki_!"

Was that a twitch, Soichiro wondered. Had L responded, even slightly? The deputy director hoped so. God, he hoped so.

Matsuda glanced around wildly. "Someone give me their jacket!"

Nobody moved.

"Here." Soichiro pulled his own coat off and handed it to Matsuda, who balled it up, placed it over the hole in L's chest and pressed down hard.

L jerked convulsively, face twisted with pain.

"Matsuda, leave it!" Soichiro heard himself say from a long way off. "You're hurting him!"

"I know." Matsuda spoke through gritted teeth. "There's no other way; if there were, I'd do it, believe me. You've seen people shot before, Yagami-_bucho_."

Soichiro didn't answer. The last person he'd seen shot down had been Light. Even knowing what he'd known, it had still taken all the self-control he'd possessed for the father in him not to reach up and tear Matsuda off the balcony. Things like this were always different when they happened to you.

"Do you think he'll be alright?"

"Hard to say." Glancing over his shoulder, Matsuda raised his voice. "And instead of standing around gawking, one of you could do something _intelligent _and call one-one-nine!"

Nobody moved.

"Or I could do it." Matsuda tried to pull his phone out and dropped it. "Damn! Take over for me; I have to call the ambulance. Here." He showed Soichiro where to hold the coat. "Push down as hard as you can."

Soichiro hesitated. "I don't want to hurt him."

"You have to, unless you want him to die right here in your arms!" Matsuda stuffed the sodden coat into Soichiro's reluctant hand and grabbed the phone off the floor and dialed the number. "Hello? Yes, there's been an incident at the Fujiko hotel. An NPA detective has been shot and needs urgent medical attention. I don't care how many calls you currently have to deal with, I don't care what you're doing, I'm telling you to drop everything and get over here to this patient and that's an order!"

In spite of the situation, Soichiro somehow found a smile deep inside himself. "It's almost a shame you changed your mind about medical school, Matsuda. You'd have made a very good doctor."

Matsuda snapped the phone shut, not looking at Soichiro. "Thank you, Yagami-_bucho_, but I'll stay as a detective if it's all the same to you. The paramedics will be here soon and Aizawa can handle things here. You should probably go."

"No." Soichiro shook his head. Leaving was out of the question. "I'm staying with him."

"_Yagami-kun_!"

The use of that particular honorific from Matsuda of all people jerked Soichiro out of his daze and he glared at the younger man.

"Now that I have your attention, Yagami-_bucho—_" Matsuda's voice was very respectful this time— "please listen to me. You're not a doctor. You're not a nurse. You have no formal medical training whatsoever, so – and I mean what I'm about to say with the greatest possible deference and respect – what the _hell_ are you going to do besides get in the way? They'll take him in, they'll treat him, and he'll be just fine." Matsuda didn't quite meet Soichiro's eyes as he said this last part.

"I have to be there," Soichiro repeated.

"Yagami-_bucho_, you're in shock. You must listen to me. The best thing you can do is to go back, pack a bag for him and then you and your family can keep a vigil by his bedside as long as he needs you. At the very least, you should change your shirt. What do you think Ryuzaki's going to do if he wakes up and the first thing he sees is you covered in blood?"

Soichiro stared at Matsuda, not understanding, then down at his shirt and saw the blood there. L's blood.

"I guess that's public transport out," he said to nobody in particular. _Dammit, Ryuzaki, why? _"Where's Aizawa?"

"Arresting Ueda. Don't let up on that coat."

Soichiro shifted his gaze down to where his hold had loosened and pressed down hard again. This time there was no response from L.

"Ryuzaki?" His heart slowed and he stared at the young man, mouth dry.

Matsuda grabbed L's wrist and held it for a few seconds, then let it fall again. "He's not dead, just unconscious. Best not to try and wake him. What _happened_?"

"What happened? Ryuzaki's a damn idiot, that's what happened! He just did the most stupid, pointless thing I've ever seen anyone do! He wasn't even supposed to be here!" Frowning, Soichiro glanced up at Matsuda. "Neither are you."

"Yagami-_bucho_, please! Ryuzaki is in desperate need of medical attention and you're worried about my sneaking in? Of course, if you're _really_ worried I could always turn around and leave you to care for him without me. And you still haven't told me what happened."

"What _happened_? Are you blind, Matsuda? He's been shot! Where's that ambulance?"

"It's on its way. I'll text you as soon as I know which hospital they're taking him to and I'll go in with him. Just go and get his stuff! You know what he'll want better than any of us and I think he'd rather you be the one to rummage through his things."

"Matsuda-_san_'s right, Yagami-_bucho_." That was a very subdued looking Takahashi. "You're not really in any state to do much here. At least if you go and pack a bag for Ryuzaki-_san,_ you'll feel like you're doing something useful. And Aizawa and Tatenaka are still here, and Sanami, and me."

"You're completely useless, Takahashi! You fired into the middle of a damn crowd!"

Takahashi went white, but didn't attempt to argue the point. A small part of Soichiro – that part which wasn't occupied with L – felt a guilty stab at the younger detective's face, but this part was quickly squashed by the rest of him.

"And this evening isn't over," he added.

"It is for Ryuzaki, and – again, with the greatest respect – it is for you as well. You're so fixated on him that you can't think straight. Go back and get his things, Yagami-_bucho_. The rest of us can hold down the fort here." Reaching out, Matsuda took the unconscious L very gently into his own arms, maintaining pressure on the young man's wound. "Please. He needs you more than anyone here does. As soon as I know where he's going, I'll let you know. I swear."

Soichiro pulled himself to his feet, staring at L, not sure whether to go or stay.

"Matsuda—"

"He'll be fine, Yagami_-bucho_," Matsuda interrupted quietly, although the deputy director noticed that the younger man was keeping his gaze averted. "I know he will. Just...go and get his things, okay?"

* * *

Soichiro had pulled out of the parking lot and was sat at a set of traffic lights that seemed to be taking far too long to change when there was a loud beep from his pocket. Keeping one hand on the wheel, he reached down and took out his phone, managing to flip it open and read the text message.

_Kofu National Hospital_

_-Matsuda_

Kofu. Soichiro had only been to that city once, and that was fifteen years ago. Why the hell couldn't they have taken L back to Tokyo?

_He wouldn't have made it back to Tokyo_. _You know that._

_No I don't. He's not badly hurt; he'll be fine. He's tough. He went through all that in Osaka and made it back in time to fight off Sayu's attackers._

_The only thing that happened to him in Osaka was blood loss. He took that bullet right in the chest. For all you know it could have hit something vital, like a lung._

_No, it didn't_, Soichiro insisted_. _He'd seen people shot in the lung before and there hadn't been any telltale bubbles in the blood, or any blood coming out of L's mouth. Whatever that bullet hit, it hadn't been a lung. If it had hit the heart, the young man would have died...well, if not instantly, then pretty damn fast. It was just shock and blood loss. That was all. Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.

Soichiro never knew how he got back home without causing an accident and ending up in hospital himself. Somehow he managed it. Somehow. Thankfully the parking lot was directly underneath the old HQ, so he could get back to the apartment without attracting attention.

Leaning against the mirrored wall of the elevator, he stared at his reflection blankly, with no real sense of recognition. He didn't even register the blood all over his shirt and couldn't remember how he got from the elevator to his front door, only that he must have done, since he was now opening it.

The welcoming smile dropped off Sachiko's face the instant she saw him.

"Soichiro, what happened? Are you hurt?"

Soichiro stared at her, not really taking in her words or even the fact that she'd spoken at all.

"I have to go to Kofu National Hospital." His voice jerked out of him, as though someone else was using it against his will. "Ryuzaki's been shot."

There was a long, horrible silence.

"Wh—how?" Sayu's voice was so faint that Soichiro had to lipread.

"The killers were there. One of them was aiming a gun at me." Still the same jerky speech. Goddammit, didn't they _know_ Ryuzaki was dying? "I didn't see him, but Ryuzaki did, even though he wasn't supposed to be there." Soichiro sat down on the couch, mind churning too furiously to be much use to him just then.

"He took the bullet," he said abruptly. "Ryuzaki...he just threw himself between me and that man, knocked me out of the way and he took the bullet. He's still alive, but he's in a bad way. I have to be there with him." Something cracked in Soichiro and he put a hand over his mouth as his vision blurred. "The _idiot_. The stupid, _stupid_ idiot."

He stared into space for a moment, reliving that terrifying moment when the world had stopped turning, then shook himself and got to his feet.

"Soichiro—" Sachiko began.

"No, I can't stop. There's no time. I have to get to Ryuzaki's apartment and pack a bag for him. I'll take his books; he'll want those when he wakes up."

Next to her mother, Sayu stood up, suddenly pale. "I'm going with you."

"No." The father in Soichiro took over long enough for him to shake his head. "No, you can't. He's in Yamanashi and you have classes in the morning."

"The hell with classes! Ryuzaki saved my life. I can't just _leave_ him! I still have nightmares about what happened...if he hadn't come back just when he did, and we've barely seen him since he was showing us those secret passages. I have to tell him I'm sorry for upsetting him."

"Not this time, Sayu." Soichiro didn't say what he was really feeling; that he wanted to be alone with L. "I have to pack Ryuzaki's bag."

"Then can you give him something from me? Please? I was looking for something to buy to make things right with him and I know he likes strawberries so—wait a minute!"

She turned and darted into her room, returning a few minutes later with a strawberry plant in a light blue pot.

"Sayu, that's a wonderful idea—" and one that Soichiro couldn't believe he hadn't had himself— "but I can't really take a potted plant into hospital. Save it for when he comes home."

"Is he really going to come home?" Sachiko asked, her voice quiet.

"Yes." Soichiro spoke forcefully. That was the only reality he was prepared to face; the other was too terrible to contemplate. "He may not look it, but Ryuzaki is one of the toughest, most resilient people I've ever met. Face it, Sachiko, when he went to Osaka he was drugged, locked up and sliced his hip open on a piece of glass and all that did was slow him down a little. He'll be back in a couple of days. You'll see. Now, I have to go and pack some things for him."

Turning away from his family without another word, he walked out of their apartment and into L's. Contrary to Soichiro's earlier prediction, the young man hadn't moved to another apartment but had remained very firmly in this one, as could be seen by the cushion nests all around. At some point, L had also bought several books, a few CDs and seven DVDs, all of which were lined up neatly on a shelf alongside the books that Sachiko had bought him. Two of the books had bookmarks in them.

_Good. I'll take those and..._ Soichiro hesitated, then picked five more off the shelf. Much as he wanted to believe L would be out in a day or so, he'd seen enough gunshot wounds to know that the young man would be in hospital for a while during his recovery. Hopefully the books would take his mind off it.

_What else? _Soichiro looked around and caught sight of the fridge in one corner. L had obviously been making some experiments in decoration; a single bright pink octopus magnet was placed in the center with mathematical precision.

_Strawberries! Of course. He'll want those. _

Soichiro opened the fridge and stared at the food inside. L was nothing if not methodical; strawberries were on the top three shelves, bottles of drink on the fourth and inside the door, rows of sweets on the fifth and a pack of raw chicken was in the salad tray next to some vegetables and equally raw fish.

_Mental note: teach Ryuzaki about salmonella before he ends up killing himself._

An object in one corner caught his eye and Soichiro reached down and lifted it out. It wasn't much, just a small box of _uiro_ with _Yagami-san's_ written on the lid.

That was the other side of L, the friendly, playful side that very few people got to see. Having discovered the surprise strawberries in the fridge, L had apparently decided to return the favor with a little surprise of his own. Soichiro supposed the young man had planned to sneak in and hide the sweets in the Yagami refrigerator. Hell, he wouldn't even have to sneak; Sachiko would let him in any time he happened to show up, although Soichiro suspected that the sneaking would be a large part of the fun for L.

_He remembered about the uiro._

_He always does. You may think he's not listening, but not only does he listen, he stores away every single word for future reference._

_But it was just a casual comment I made to him. I'm not keen on it now, not since I overindulged in the stuff when I was thirteen and threw up for most of the night._

Soichiro tucked the box into his pocket. After what L had just done, the very _least_ he could do was to eat that _uiro_, even if it choked him. He stared into the fridge for a few moments, then took a large unopened box of strawberries. There was no point taking them all – L may not even be allowed any food – but he couldn't show up at the young man's bedside empty-handed.

"Dad?"

Soichiro glanced around, irritated. "Sayu, I told you—"

"You can't go dressed like that," Sayu interrupted him. "You're covered in blood! Is that..." She hesitated.

"Yes." Soichiro's voice lost a lot of its irritation and became quiet. "It's Ryuzaki's. It looks a lot worse than it is, Sayu. He's fine."

Sayu didn't look all that convinced. Soichiro could hardly blame her. He wasn't convinced himself.

"Well, you should still shower and change before you go. It won't take you that long and you'll feel better for it. You can use Ryuzaki's shower and I brought you some clean clothes, look." She held up a clean shirt and sweater and a pair of slacks.

"Sayu—"

"_Change_! What's Ryuzaki going to say if he sees you in that state? Go on, change and take a quick shower. I'll finish packing."

The sudden authority in his daughter's voice was so unexpected that Soichiro took the clothes and meekly headed for the shower before he had time to think about it. The hot water helped bring him back to himself, until Soichiro thought he could probably handle the two hour drive back to Yamanashi.

Getting out, he toweled himself dry and pulled on the clean, more comfortable clothes. His suit would probably have to be burned; there was no way to get that much blood out, not now it had had so much time to dry and stain.

_Ryuzaki, when I see you again, I'm going to kill you for putting me through this!_

* * *

The drive back wasn't as bad as Soichiro had feared. He'd left home at just gone midnight and the unsociable hour meant that there were very few other cars on the road, so by the time he pulled into the hospital car park, it was a quarter to two.

The receptionist on the desk looked a little surprised to see a visitor at this time, but she managed to cover it with a professional smile.

"May I help you?"

"Yes. A young man called Ryuzaki was brought in earlier with a gunshot wound to the chest." Soichiro hefted the bag that Sayu had finished packing. "I've brought some things for him."

"Are you a relative?"

"As good as. He doesn't have any family of his own." Soichiro's terminally honest nature forced him to add, "At least, none that he knows of."

"May I take your name please?"

Goddammit, what was _wrong_ with the woman? Didn't she know L was waiting for his strawberries?

"Yagami."

Her face cleared a little. "Ah yes! Matsuda-_san_ said you would be coming along, Yagami-_san_." The receptionist tapped a few keys on her computer. "Ryuzaki is in room thirty seven. Take the elevator to the third floor and turn left. All the rooms are numbered."

"Thank you." Soichiro turned away, then remembered something and turned back. "Do you know if he's allowed food? Only I brought him some strawberries, they're his favorite and..." He managed to shut up before he _really_ started babbling.

The woman's face never changed from its professional expression, but in his keyed-up state, Soichiro thought he saw something in her eyes. Was it pity?

"I'm very sorry, Yagami-_san_, but you would have to discuss that with hospital staff. I don't have access to his medical files."

"Yes. Of course. Thank you." Soichiro picked up the bag containing L's precious strawberries and books and strolled over to the elevator, pushed the button for the third floor and did his very best not to think about what might be waiting for him in room thirty seven.

He stopped a nurse to ask her for directions, not because he couldn't find the room but because he was desperate for something, anything to put off that fateful moment.

_He's still alive_, Soichiro thought as the nurse led him down the corridor and left him outside room thirty seven._ At least you know that much. If he hadn't been, they would have brought a doctor down to see you; they would never have sent you up to find L by yourself. Hell, he's probably just tired or weak with blood loss and so they put him in here to give him some peace. You're going to open that door and find him lying there complaining about the substandard strawberries they serve in hospital._

Soichiro thought about this, thought about L's aversion to hospitals and mentally changed _lying there complaining_ to _tying his sheets together and climbing out the window_.

_Sorry Ryuzaki, but you're not going to escape from here that easily._

Smiling a little, Soichiro knocked on the door. There was no answer.

_Of course not. He's going to want people to think he's asleep, stop them coming in to thwart his escape plan. _

Soichiro pushed open the door and stepped in and knew in that instant that L was not going to be making any escape plans – much less carrying them out – for a very long time.

It was terrifying. The young man lay motionless in the hospital bed, eyes closed, chest heavily bandaged and rising and falling slowly. A saline drip was taped to his arm along with an IV and the lower part of his face was covered in an oxygen mask.

_Oh Ryuzaki, what were you thinking? What the hell got into you? Why couldn't you have stayed safely at home?_

Reaching out, Soichiro placed a hand on L's forehead, brushing away strands of hair, careful not to disturb any of the tubes surrounding the young man.

"Ryuzaki? Can you hear me?"

Nothing. Not even a flicker.

"This isn't funny anymore, Ryuzaki. It's time for you to wake up and stop worrying everyone, especially me," Soichiro couldn't help adding. "I know you're still in there somewhere. Quit screwing around."

"Excuse me?"

Soichiro jumped and glanced around, coming face to face with a different nurse.

"Yes?"

"Are you Soichiro Yagami-_san_?"

"Yes," Soichiro said again. "What is it?"

The nurse held out an envelope with _Soichiro Yagami_ written on it in L's unmistakable scrawl. "We had to empty his pockets before we took him in for the X-ray. This was all we found."

Soichiro took the envelope with a nod, although he didn't open it. Somehow he knew what was going to be inside, and he couldn't bring himself to look and be proved right.

"When will he wake up?" he demanded. "It's been nearly six hours."

The woman's face was sympathetic as she answered, "It's impossible to tell in this situation. Some coma patients remain this way for months, even years. Others come out of it after a few hours."

"_Coma_?" The deputy director stared at her, fear quickening his pulse.

She held up a hand. "It's an alarming word, I know, but there's still hope. He's a very brave young man. A lot of people would have died from an injury like that, but he's hanging on. He seems to be a very stubborn fighter."

"You're telling me," Soichiro said tonelessly. "Can he hear me?"

The nurse shrugged. "Well, we still don't quite know how much of what we say to a person in a coma they actually hear, but we know they hear some of it. So you've got nothing to lose by talking to him."

Soichiro stared at L's motionless body. "What do I say to him?"

"Whatever you want. He hasn't changed just because he's unconscious. Try and keep it pleasant, upbeat."

Pleasant. Upbeat. Right. Soichiro thought he could just about manage that. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Ryuzaki, you're a damn stupid idiot who just did a damn stupid thing and I don't know what the hell possessed you!"

The nurse looked a little taken aback. "Yagami-_san_, I believe I mentioned the word _pleasant_."

"That was pleasant. If I were going to say what I'm _really_ feeling right now, I would ask you to leave the room first. Is he...will he be..." He hesitated, afraid to say what he was really thinking and at last settled for, "Will he be himself?"

This time the woman's smile was wholly sympathetic. Soichiro supposed she got to hear a lot of euphemisms from frightened visitors in her line of work.

"I'm afraid we won't know that either until he wakes up. It's very likely he'll have some form of amnesia, so he may not remember what he did to end up here."

"Then I'll be happy to remind him!" Soichiro stared down at L, trying desperately to mask his fear with anger. "And the moment you wake up, Ryuzaki, I'm going to make you wish that you hadn't!"

"Yagami-_san_, please! That isn't going to help!"

Soichiro ran his hands over his face, then sighed. "I know. I apologize. But...he's only just starting to explore life. I've watched him come out of his shell in the weeks I've known him and now this happens. He's one of the most amazing people I've ever met, even if he is only a kid, but he's had the worst luck in the world and it's hard having to see him end up like this through trying to save me."

The nurse made a few notes on her clipboard and moved on to checking L's IV. "Well, looking at you, I'd say he succeeded. You should be down on your knees thanking him and instead you're shouting abuse at him. What kind of friend are you?"

Scribbling a few more notes on her clipboard, she flounced out of the room, head held high.

"I suppose she's right, Ryuzaki." Sighing, Soichiro sat down on the chair next to the bed. "I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it, and I'm not—no, I _am_ angry with you for putting me and my family through all this worry, but I'm very grateful to you for what you did. You shouldn't have risked your own life for me. I'm not worth that. Though if I hadn't been so stubborn, you wouldn't have had to risk it the first time against Kira either."

Of course, since Soichiro's own obstinacy concerning Light's guilt had indirectly led to Watari's death and from there to L's freedom, it hadn't turned out so bad for the young man after all, but he'd had no way of knowing that at the time.

_Yeah, he was free. Free to die of starvation, hypothermia and who knows what else on the streets of Aomori. Nice going._

"You often asked me why I was so determined to take you in and look after you. I've been giving that a lot of thought and I think the truth is that I was ashamed. Ashamed that my own actions had led to Watari's death and your own anguish over those last days, not knowing whether your trick would work or not. Frankly, with the amount of stress you were under, I'm surprised you didn't have a real heart attack. You've no idea how happy I was when I found out you'd survived, or maybe you do," Soichiro amended, remembering the rather unorthodox way he'd greeted L back in that alley. It seemed a lifetime ago now. "I suppose you could say that I felt like I'd been given a chance to make it up to you."

There was no answer. Soichiro cast about for something else to say and his gaze fell upon the bag at his feet.

"I brought your books. Well, I brought seven of them; if I'd put them all in, I doubt I would have been able to lift the bag. You've got the makings of your very own library there, though to tell you the truth I don't know what you see in that horror stuff. I also brought some clothes for you for when you wake up. Because I'm sure you _will_ wake up, Ryuzaki. You can't die now. There's so much for you still to experience. So many places you can go. I was going to take us all to Ishikawa." He paused, barely aware that he was rambling. "I grew up there, did I ever tell you that? We could go around the parks. Maybe pay a visit to some of the shrines. And we could spend a day climbing Mount Hakusan. You'd like that; it's not quite as commercialized as Fuji and the view from the top of Gozengamine Peak is amazing. You'll have to buy a camera at some point. Or if you wanted, we could go to Aomori. Maybe pay a visit to your hometown. I've never been to Tsuruta so it would be new for both of us. Of course, that's just a suggestion. And if we do go to Ishikawa, we'll have to go to Kenrokuen. If you like parks, you'll really love that one. I know you don't like people telling you how you do and don't feel, but believe me, in this case it's completely true."

Silence answered him, a silence broken only by the steady beeping of the machines.

It wasn't _fair_. Soichiro had always done his best to be a good man. His father had raised him to do the right thing no matter how hard it was on a personal level, to never shirk his responsibilities and to treat the people around him with respect, and Soichiro had put everything he had into following those precepts. When they'd found out Light really was Kira, Soichiro had refused to delegate the responsibility of arrest to any of the task force, even though any one of them would have been willing to take it on.

_And this is my reward for trying to do the right thing? To see my son grow into an insane mass murderer and Ryuzaki take a bullet for me? What do I get out of it? _

_What do you get out of it? _The answering voice in his head was oddly like his father's. _How about your daughter's life, Soichiro?_

_I know that. I know Ryuzaki saved Sayu. But who's going to save him?_

"Ryuzaki? I'll tell you this again when you wake up, just in case you can't hear me, but after what you just did, I never want to hear you talking about owing me anything again. And you saved my life, but you're also putting me and my family – not to mention Matsuda – through nine kinds of hell worrying about you. I know I kept telling you you needed to get plenty of sleep, but I think you're taking it a bit too far here. Your actions have caused a lot of pain to a lot of people, Ryuzaki, and you should never have sneaked into the event hall in any case...so will you _please_ hurry up and come out of that coma so that I can kill you with a clear conscience?"


	29. Silence

**AiyanaMiyuki: **Yep, L's alive, at least for the moment ;)

**PianoCatRulez: **Well...maybe he will

**Cloudcuckulander: **Heh, thanks :D

**Dennis Nedry: **Thanks XD And oh god yeah, I've heard of Sherlock – at least if you're talking about the BBC version as opposed to the American remake. I love it, am counting the days until Series 3 and even started a Sherlock fanfic (which I must get around to updating...right at the beginning, this storywas originally planned as a Sherlock/Death Note crossover; as you can see, the concept changed quite a lot =P)

* * *

**JUNE 25**

There was no change. Soichiro sat by L's bed for the rest of the night, sometimes speaking, most of the time in silence, always hoping. He kept his ears strained for the slightest change in L's breathing, or a flicker of an eyelid, or _something _that would indicate the young man was still in there.

_What if he's not? What if it's only those machines keeping him alive? If I were to remove that oxygen mask, Ryuzaki, could you breathe without it?_

Not that he planned to experiment, of course.

_Is this how you thought it would end? When you first sent me that email from Aomori at the beginning of the month, did you think you'd end up taking a bullet for me?_

Soichiro sat there, staring at L's pale face, his heart squeezing painfully inside his chest.

"You've come a long way in the last month, Ryuzaki. A _very_ long way. I've never been prouder of anyone in my life and that's the truth. And I don't think you only contacted me because you wanted a ride to Osaka," Soichiro added with a sudden burst of insight. Living with L had taught him how obstinate the young man was when it came to his own health. "I think that having had someone around you twenty four seven, you couldn't handle being homeless and cut off from everyone. No one talks to homeless people, not really. I think you were desperate for some kind of human contact." He sighed. "_Very_ desperate, considering you believed that asking me for help would get you forced back into the life you so badly wanted to leave behind. I suppose you didn't quite know what to do with yourself when you weren't working."

Of course, the work wouldn't have taken away the guilt L suffered, but it would have distracted him from it. Without that work, Soichiro thought that L had had no choice but to remember the guilt until it crushed him and forced him to finally send out a last, desperate plea for rescue to the only person out of all the thousands he'd helped who he thought might respond.

_Because of the blanket_. One simple act that Soichiro hadn't even thought about. Had forgotten about, until L mentioned it. The young man had finally fallen asleep through sheer exhaustion, and Soichiro had wrapped a blanket around him because, well, that was what you did. Apparently it had meant a lot more to the kid than that.

_Yeah. The first time someone went out of their way to consider his needs and feelings without demanding something in return...you bet it meant a lot to him_.

_Are you saying he decided to take a bullet for me because I gave him a lousy blanket?_

_No, I think he did that because you took him into your home, you earned his trust and you're always there for him no matter what. I doubt he's met many people like you, so of course he's going to want to keep you around. Besides, to his way of thinking, you'd be missed a lot more than he would, therefore it's only logical that he be the one to die_.

"He is _not_ going to die!" Soichiro spoke aloud, savagely. Glancing up to the ceiling, he added in a lower voice, "You can't have him, Ryuk. Do you hear me? You can't have him." He wasn't sure what made him invoke Ryuk of all gods, but he supposed it was a whole lot easier to believe in and speak to a god you'd already seen and interacted with as opposed to one you hadn't.

Looking down again, his gaze fell on the envelope he'd placed on the nightstand. He stretched out a hand toward it, hesitated, then thought _Screw it_ and picked it up. Already knowing what he was going to find, Soichiro opened the envelope, took out the letter inside and began to read.

_Yagami-san,_

_If you are reading this, then I am dead and you are not. Writing this now, I don't know how I'll die, but I hope it was quick. And I hope it made a difference in some way._

_There are a few things I would like done. You've helped me greatly already – more than you may realize – but I would be very grateful if you could ensure that the following things happen:_

_One: Aizawa, Sanami and Ukita, wherever he is, get a ten percent share of the money in my bank account. Another ten percent is to go to Maki Nikaido, who you've never met but who I believe to be still residing somewhere in Osaka. Of the remaining sixty percent, twenty is to go to Matsuda and forty to yourself._

_Two: The old HQ is yours, on the condition that those already living there (ie, Matsuda and Aizawa) be allowed to remain, at least until their rental contract is up._

_Three: Matsuda gets ownership of the apartment he's currently living in._

_Four: Aizawa doesn't because he called me a freak and he doesn't like me anyway. He still gets his ten percent of the money though. And no, he can't have his key money back._

_Five: Takahashi gets my bike._

_Six: The rest of my stuff such as books and movies are up for whoever wants them._

_Seven: I was going to tell you about this once the case had been solved, but it looks like that's no longer an option. I've bought a house in Yokosuka. Well, sort of bought a house. I'm waiting for the paperwork to be finalized. Please don't be angry at me for not telling you; I fully intended to, but I was never sure of the right time. I thought catching a murderer was more important than discussing real estate. _

_I wasn't sure whether to give the house to you, Maki or Matsuda, but then I thought that Matsuda will already have an apartment and you'll have an entire apartment block so it can go to Maki. You're a fair-minded man, Yagami-san, so I'm sure you'll understand._

_Eight: In this envelope is the photograph of Hitomi, along with the necklace I told you about. It's okay for you to look if you want to but I don't want anybody else seeing them. If you're not comfortable letting me keep the necklace, seeing Hitomi didn't technically give it to me, then please be kind enough to return it to her family in Nara. Please let me keep the photograph though. It's all I've ever had._

_Nine: I want to be scattered, not buried. Allow me to reiterate: I do __NOT__ want to be buried.__ You know why. Also, please don't scatter all of me; I'd like a little bit to stay with you._

_There's been so much I've wanted to say to you over the last few weeks, but have never been able to summon up the courage to do so. Maybe you know a lot of it already though._

_Please consider this to be my last will and testament. I trust you to make sure it's all carried out; you're the best, most honest man I've ever met. I wish I could have known you for longer._

_-Ryuzaki_

Soichiro folded the letter and slid it back into the envelope, his eyes smarting.

_It's not going to come to that, Ryuzaki. I won't let it. You hear me? You just keep fighting._

For want of anything better to do and certainly _not_ because he was curious, not at all, Soichiro felt around in the envelope until his fingers located a smaller, slick object and took it out.

The picture had been shredded both horizontally and vertically. Soichiro could see that L had done his very best to put it back together as neatly as he could using copious amounts of sellotape, which accounted for the slippery feel of it. Even L hadn't been able to get it perfect, however, and the photo had a rather mosaic look about it. The deputy director couldn't make out the background – perhaps a futon? – but Hitomi's picture was clear enough: a girl in her twenties with a thick mane of hair, wearing a gauzy light blue and beige dress. She wasn't what you would call classically beautiful, but she was quite pretty and there was a keen intelligence and vivacity about her that was obvious even in the photo.

"She's lovely, Ryuzaki. I can see why you were so close to her. You can certainly keep the photo and the necklace; I'm sure she would have wanted you to have them. Besides, it's not really an issue since you aren't dead." The deputy director reached out and took hold of L's hand in the hopes that the physical contact might elicit some kind of response.

Nothing. L remained as lifeless as ever.

"You can't die now, Ryuzaki. You're just starting to get your life together. You've still got to choose and buy all those DVDs and books that you wanted, and there are too many people here who want you to come back. Not just me, but Sachiko, and Sayu, and Matsuda. Even Aizawa's rooting for you...sort of," Soichiro amended. "And you know, I've been thinking. If you're not going to use the headquarters for its original purpose again, then you could convert one of the apartments or investigation rooms into a library. Put in a good lamp, a few comfortable chairs, floor to ceiling bookshelves and there you go. Your own private sanctuary. Of course, that's just a suggestion; if you don't want to do it, that's fine too."

L gave no sign of wanting to do it or not; his eyes remained closed and his face – what little could be seen of it around the mask – expressionless.

"You said that there are a lot of things you wanted to tell me. There's something I've wanted to tell you too, Ryuzaki, for a long time. I just never quite knew how to put it into words. I know you told me back in that other hospital that I always know what to say, but that's really not true. I'm not sure why I'm saying it now, except perhaps it's a lot easier to talk to you when you can't explode or get upset." Soichiro paused, trying to get his thoughts in order. "The nurse said there would probably be some amnesia when you wake up, so I don't know if you'll remember any of these conversations, if you can even hear them. But if you can, then I hope you remember this one, because what I'm about to tell you is vital for your own happiness and peace of mind."

The deputy director paused again, partly to find the right words and partly – it has to be said – for dramatic effect.

"Ryuzaki, it's alright for you to be human. It's alright for you not to be perfect. Being perfect is impossible, since everyone in the world has different ideas of perfection and no one person could ever live up to all of them. To tell you the truth, I really wouldn't want you to be any different to the way you are now, even if you are terminally stubborn," Soichiro couldn't help adding. "Just please wake up now. Please."

* * *

"Yagami-_bucho_?"

The voice was soft, and strangely familiar even through the fog of sleep. Soichiro mumbled something under his breath, but didn't open his eyes.

"Yagami-_bucho_, please." A hand took hold of his shoulder and shook him. "You should get up."

Soichiro stirred. There was no ignoring that voice, hard as he tried. It was just too damn persistent, and the shaking didn't help.

Half turning his head, he forced his eyes open to stare at the person disturbing his rest, and hopes of it being L faded into smoke.

"Matsuda."

The young detective took his hand off Soichiro's shoulder and backed off a few steps, bowing apologetically. He was dressed in the same clothes he'd worn last night, although he now had a rather large black bag over one shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Yagami-_bucho_. I didn't want to wake you."

Soichiro straightened up a little, stretching and rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

"If you didn't want to wake me, Matsuda, then why did you grab me by the shoulder and shake me?"

Matsuda bit his lip.

"I'm sorry," he said again, "but everyone in the department is waiting to hear how you feel it best to proceed with Ueda, and Takahashi's been on edge ever since last night." Pause. "Are you going to fire him, Yagami-_bucho_?"

"That depends. What he did last night wasn't just stupid, Matsuda, it was downright dangerous. How nobody else ended up having to go to the hospital alongside Ryuzaki, I'll never know."

Matsuda shifted his gaze to L's body and tightened his lips, shoulders tense.

"You know, he's always been so tired. I don't mean just sleepy, but more of a deep down weariness. Like he was going through the motions and only bothering to do that much because he couldn't see any way out." He shook his head, blinking. "I know...I know everyone in the NPA thinks I'm an idiot. I always wanted to be as smart as L, but now...I don't know. I think I'd rather be an idiot than be Ryuzaki." Matsuda swallowed, cleared his throat a little bit too loudly, then said in a husky voice, "Has there been any change at all?"

Soichiro shook his head. "None at all. What's in there, anyway?" as Matsuda unslung the bag from over his shoulder.

The younger man went red and opened it to reveal a laptop. Busying himself setting it up on the nightstand, he said in a low voice, "I thought he might like some music. People in comas can hear what's going on outside and if we can't be here all the time, it would give him something to listen to."

"How much can they hear?" the deputy director asked quietly.

"No one really knows. But a coma doesn't always equal unconsciousness. Sometimes people _look_ like they're unconscious but they're just unable to respond. It's a bit like being completely paralyzed with your eyes shut. So I figured, if none of us are here, at least he can pass the time by listening to music. Yuki-_chan_ also made me promise to bring her story CD for him to listen to. Have the nurses said anything?"

"They said..." Soichiro's voice was a lot quieter than usual. He coughed once or twice and then tried again. "They said they don't know when he's going to wake up, and that when he does he'll probably have some level of amnesia. And..." His voice faded into silence.

Several seconds ticked off the clock, then Matsuda said, "And...?"

The deputy director took a long, deep breath. "There's a possibility – no more than that, so don't panic just yet – but there's a possibility he may be brain-damaged."

"Brain-damaged?" Matsuda's voice quivered. "It—they can't. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be _fair_. He's been through so much already, surely he deserves a little luck?"

"Not everyone gets what they deserve, Matsuda." Soichiro paused. "You thought he was going to die, didn't you?"

Matsuda nodded once, lips drawn into a single tight line. "Yeah. I think...maybe that's why I pushed you out. Because I didn't know how you'd react if he did die right there, and there were a lot of civilians around. I mean, it's not like Light-_kun_, where we had a little warning." He sighed, rumpling his hair with one hand. "I'm sorry. I guess I screwed up again. The truth is that with an injury like that, I was expecting Ryuzaki to slip away at any moment."

"If he survives, he'll have you to thank for it. You're one of the most impulsive, hotheaded people I know, but you handle yourself very well in a crisis, Matsuda, and you did _not_ screw up." Soichiro turned his head to stare at L again. He wanted nothing more than to remain by the young man's bedside until L woke up, but common sense reasserted itself and he got to his feet. L wouldn't be too impressed if he learned that the deputy director had sat around moping instead of closing the case, and Matsuda was right; they did have to do something about Ueda.

"Ryuzaki, I'm sorry but I have to go. Don't think I'm abandoning you, because I'm not; I will be back as often as I can, but it's now half past eleven in the morning and I have to be at work. We caught the leak. I'm not sure how many other suspects we got, but I really, really can't take today off. Matsuda will stay with you for a while, and I'll be back later. And when I do come back, I expect you to be conscious! I'll leave the strawberries, but if the doctors say you can't eat them, then don't. I'll check to make sure."

On an impulse he reached out and squeezed L's limp hand. "I don't know what time I'll be back, but I _will_ be back. I promise. You just hold on."

The machines beeped at him. For the first time in his life, Soichiro really didn't want to go into work.

_I should be here. He needs me._

"Yagami-_bucho_?" Matsuda's voice was soft, almost gentle. "It's alright. I'll stay with him, at least until I have to go and pick Yukiko up. Here." He held out the bag to Soichiro, who stared at it.

"What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Sayu-_chan_ asked me to bring you some clean clothes. You can't go into the office dressed like that." Matsuda indicated Soichiro's casual attire. "There's some toiletries in there as well, in case you wanted a shower and a shave." There was a very faint note in Matsuda's voice which suggested the deputy director really _should_ want both of those things before he stepped out of the hospital.

Soichiro took hold of the bag without any enthusiasm. "Thank you." His gaze sidled back to L and he felt one hand curl into a fist, not through anger so much as frustration. He should be able to do _something_ for L!

"If there's any change, Matsuda, call me. I don't care what time it is, I don't care what I'm doing. If he so much as twitches an eyelash, I want to hear about it."

"Of course. Ah...I put you down as next of kin, Yagami-_bucho_. I wasn't sure what else to do. If I'm not here—"

"You'd better be here, Matsuda."

Matsuda met Soichiro's gaze and answered, "I have problems of my own to deal with."

The deputy director took a deep breath, then sighed. "Of course. I'm sorry. I was forgetting."

"Lucky you," Matsuda said tonelessly. "I'm sorry, Yagami-_bucho_. I can't afford to screw things up with Yukiko now. I'll stay as long as I possibly can, but I'll have to leave at some point. But if something does happen, like I said, you're down as next of kin. You'll be the first person the hospital contacts."

"Yes. Of course your own family should come first. There's nothing wrong with that." _Nothing wrong, except I'll be out the loop from the moment that happens until I can get back here_.

Soichiro headed toward the small bathroom, then glanced over his shoulder at L.

_Ryuzaki, you better not die on me the moment my back's turned..._

–

The atmosphere in the NPA when Soichiro arrived wasn't one he had ever encountered before; a kind of jubilation tempered with uncertainty. The fact that Aizawa had arrested Ueda had done wonders for morale, but word had also got round about L's sacrifice.

He strode into his office without a word to anyone and sat down behind his desk. There were three reports there and he pulled them toward him and stared at them without taking in a single word.

As he'd expected, they were the reports of last night's incident, filed by Sanami, Aizawa and Takahashi. The deputy director supposed rather sourly that Takahashi was trying to make up some of the ground he'd lost last night.

There was a tentative knock on his office door and Soichiro glanced up, irritated.

"Yes? What is it?"

The door opened and Takahashi himself stepped in, his manner very subdued but not cringing. There were faint rings under his eyes. Soichiro didn't suppose anyone who had been at the hotel had got any sleep last night.

"Yagami-_bucho_, about last night..." His voice tailed off. _Sorry_ wasn't a big enough word for what had happened, and they both knew it.

_At least he saved me the trouble of calling him in._

"Come over here." Soichiro indicated the front of his desk.

Takahashi obeyed, a rather desperate look in his eye.

_Oh god, don't tell me he's going to perform dogeza_. Soichiro had had one or two employees do that when they thought he was about to fire them, and it wasn't something he'd ever enjoyed.

It seemed Takahashi wasn't inclined to humble himself to that extent though; he bowed deeply but didn't go so far as to prostrate himself in front of his boss.

Soichiro stared at him in silence for a long moment before speaking.

"Takahashi, what you did last night was reckless beyond belief. Even Matsuda has more sense than to shoot at someone in a crowd." Of course, Soichiro admitted, if Matsuda _did_ shoot at someone in a crowd then it was a pretty sure bet that he would hit them, but that wasn't the issue. "You realize I have every justification to fire you."

Takahashi went white but didn't say anything besides, "Yagami-_bucho_...I need this job."

"No you don't. You need _a_ job, the same as everyone in Japan, but you don't need it to be here."

The silence between them stretched out, then the younger detective said in a very low voice, "Then please let me resign. I'll go quietly, but let me resign or I'll never be able to find another job except collecting the garbage or something."

Soichiro waited a few minutes longer, which was almost punishment enough in itself.

"No," he said flatly. "Takahashi, you are suspended pending a full and thorough inquiry into your actions. If there's even a whisper of trouble from you during that time, you will be summarily discharged."

"Am I under arrest?"

"Not yet, as I don't think you're guilty of anything besides getting carried away in the heat of the moment. I know nobody got hurt, but that was just luck. You must understand that I can't risk letting you back into any investigations until I'm satisfied in my own mind that I can trust you and that you won't make the same stupid mistake a second time. Now get the hell out of my department before I change my mind about firing you."

Takahashi hesitated. "Yagami-_bucho_, may I ask you something before I go?"

Soichiro stared at him coldly. "Be quick."

"How's Ryuzaki?"

The deputy director softened a very little at the genuine concern in Takahashi's voice.

"He still hasn't regained consciousness. Or he hadn't when I left him earlier on."

"Which hospital is he in?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"Why?" Takahashi looked a little embarrassed. "Well...I like him, at least what little I know of him. And now I'm suspended, I have a lot of free time on my hands. If I can't be of any use here, at least I can go and keep Ryuzaki company."

"Are you sure you're not just going along to stake your claim on his bike?" Soichiro demanded. Takahashi was something of a mystery to the department, and the only thing everyone knew for certain about him was his passion for motorcycles.

The younger man straightened up slowly, looking the deputy director in the eye. "That's a very cruel accusation to make, Yagami-_bucho_. I know I screwed up big-time last night, but I had nothing to do with what happened to Ryuzaki, and being my boss doesn't give you the right to take it out on me."

They stared at each other for a long time, then Soichiro drew in a long, deep breath. He was suddenly very tired.

"No, it doesn't," he conceded. "That was out of line. I apologize." _And L does seem to like you, since he made a point of leaving you his bike._ "Ryuzaki's in Kofu National Hospital. Go and see him if you want to." As Takahashi bobbed back down again and turned toward the door, Soichiro added, "And leave your badge on my desk on the way out."

For a moment he thought Takahashi would be stupid enough to protest, then the younger man dragged his badge out of his pocket, stared at it for a few moments, and set it slowly down in front of Soichiro.

"Thank you. You're dismissed."

"When will I know about the—"

"I _said_ you're dismissed, Takahashi."

Takahashi squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again, nodded once and strode out, closing the door very quietly behind him.

Soichiro pulled Aizawa's report toward him and stared at it without seeing it for several long minutes. All he could see was L. L, lying in that damn hospital bed with tubes sticking out of him and that mask over his face.

_Ryuzaki, why_? Of course, he and L had become a lot closer, especially since that time on the roof, and there was no denying that L had learned to trust and maybe even like him, but there had been nothing – _nothing_ – in the young man's demeanor that Soichiro had noticed which would have indicated this level of devotion.

_I never wanted that. Yes, of course I want loyalty from the people who work for me, but I don't want to be the sort of man that innocent people go around taking bullets for!_

"Yagami-_bucho_?"

Soichiro glanced up and saw Aizawa standing in front of his desk.

"I'm sorry. I knocked, but you were probably too busy to hear me."

The deputy director brought one hand up and massaged the side of his head. "Don't made excuses for me, Aizawa. What do you want?"

The other man opened his mouth, then hesitated. "May I speak plainly?"

That couldn't be good. "Go on then."

"Yagami-_bucho_, you're in no fit state for any of this."

_Oh well, I did say he could speak plainly_.

"I'll be the judge of that, Aizawa." Soichiro turned the man's neatly written report around and slid it toward him. He didn't seem to have the energy to read it just then. "Summarize this for me."

"No one else in the hotel was hurt, a group of people made up of both wedding and hotel guests left shortly after Ryuzaki was shot but Sanami managed to detain one of them and, of course, we have Ueda in custody, although he's refusing to answer any questions without a lawyer."

"Tell that traitorous little worm that's just too bad. We have a confession, or as good as one, and that's all we need to convict him."

Aizawa nodded. "Yes, but he wants to trade names in exchange for immunity. To be honest, Yagami-_bucho_, I don't see how we're going to get the mastermind without those names, not now Ryuzaki's out of the picture. We have to act and act _now_, before they leave the country. Let me interview him; I know he admitted to it in the hotel, but a spoken confession's no good."

Soichiro shook his head. "No, I'll do it. You're too involved in this."

"Yagami-_bucho_—" Aizawa hesitated, then continued with an expression which suggested he was taking his life in his hands— "I'm not the one whose surrogate son has just been shot. Let me handle things here, at least for the next day or so. You need to get yourself together, focus on what's important."

The deputy director fell silent, considering this. Aizawa was a level-headed man. He wasn't what you'd call popular, but he _was_ respected. He'd held down the fort for Soichiro before and the deputy director knew he could be trusted. More importantly, he knew he was right.

_Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll sort this out._ After all, it would do Ueda no harm to sit and stew for a while longer and L was bound to be awake by now.

* * *

This belief lasted as long as it took Soichiro to arrive at the hospital and enter L's room. Contrary to his hopes, nothing had changed from that morning. L was as lifeless as ever, the ugly machines still doing their work and Matsuda had left, probably to collect his daughter.

Soichiro sat down with a sigh. He might not have minded L's condition so much if only he didn't feel so damn _helpless_.

"Which part of _when I get back, I expect you to be conscious_ did you have difficulty with, Ryuzaki?" he inquired.

Whichever part it was, L was keeping it to himself. His chest rose and fell in slow, rhythmic movements, and he gave no sign of having heard Soichiro.

"I really hope you're still in there and that I'm not talking to an empty shell," the deputy director went on. "I don't think I can cope with losing you too, and certainly not like this. You know, I never had anyone take a bullet for me before. While I'm not trying to belittle your act, I really hope I never have anyone take one for me again." He paused. "And about what I said earlier; I'm not going to kill you, Ryuzaki. I'm really not. I'm not even angry with you anymore. You can wake up and I'll be here, or if I'm not here, then I'm on my way here, and I'll bring you some strawberries and you can promise me that you will never do such a crazy thing again. And once the doctors tell me you're well enough to leave the hospital, the four of us can go to Shizuoka as a family, and visit a strawberry farm. Pay them a thousand yen or so and you can eat as many strawberries as you like for half an hour." He managed a smile. "Though I think with you along, they might make a loss on that deal."

Nothing.

"Just think of it. An entire greenhouse full of strawberries. Most of them are a lot bigger than the ones you buy in a supermarket. You'll be all strawberried out." Soichiro paused, waiting for some sign of comprehension, or even life. When L remained unresponsive, he continued. Even a one-sided conversation was better than listening to those damn machines. If it hadn't been for them, he could have convinced himself that L was just sleeping peacefully.

"Of course, you can also pick some to take away with you. I'm not sure when the strawberry season is – I've heard it varies depending on the plants – but even if we've missed it this year, there's always next year, or the year after that. Don't think I'm trying to push you into anything, but you're one of us now. Everything you went through, all the pain, all the nightmares, everything you suffered, that's all over now. So come on. All you have to do is just open your eyes, or give me some sign that you're still hanging in there, because at the moment I'm not sure what's you and what's this machine."

L didn't respond.

"Dammit, Ryuzaki! What do you think is going to happen to everyone else if you die here? How are Sachiko and Sayu going to feel if they come by tomorrow and see you like this? Either wake up or at least let me know you can hear me!"

He shut his mouth with a snap, breathing rapidly. Several minutes went by and L did neither, leaving Soichiro all by himself for another endless vigil.


	30. A Roomful of Stars

**PianoCatRulez: **Well...I make no promises one way or the other ;-)

**Dennis Nedry: **It's very possible. After all, the blurb on the sequel was written long before I knew L was going to end up in a coma and it could very easily change. So from the reader's point of view, _anything_ could happen to him :P

At the risk of being flamed by every fan in existence, no, I never picture Soichiro with a mustache. Bearing in mind I saw the live action movies long before I watched the anime or read the manga, I really can't get on with a mustached Soichiro. For me, he will always be Takeshi Kaga, just like I always have the other actors in my mind when I write their characters ;-) And their voices, since the English dubbing of the live-action movies is...well, the word _crap_ is giving them far too much credit XD

There were actually a lot of very subtle human parts to L in the movies that weren't in the manga or anime, such as a couple of father-son moments with Soichiro and L's being genuinely upset about Mogi's death (Okay, I'll admit; I've no idea why they killed off Mogi as opposed to Ukita in the movie. It's not like leaving Ukita alive actually did anything, unless they wanted to have a reason for Sayu's reaction, since we know from that scene at the beginning of the second movie that she and Mogi knew each other and were quite possibly friends, but that could have been accomplished just as easily with Ukita).

* * *

**JUNE 27 - 28**

Soichiro returned to the apartment late that night, through necessity rather than choice. L still hadn't moved or reacted in any way and the deputy director couldn't keep commuting from Yamanashi, much as he wanted to be there with the young man.

_Still, Matsuda's going to visit, and maybe Takahashi. _That idea of Matsuda's about the music had been a brainwave, one Soichiro planned to expand on by buying some audio books for L as soon as he found out which authors the young man liked and, more importantly, which of their books he'd already read.

L's front door was locked, so Soichiro went in through the bookcase instead, emerging in the young man's living room, switching the light on as he went.

There. L's collection of books and DVDs, rather depleted now that Soichiro had taken a chunk of them to the hospital, had pride of place in the room. It took the deputy director only a few moments to make a note of which authors appeared on that shelf the most. He'd buy some recordings for L in the morning.

Mission accomplished, Soichiro returned to the secret passage and flicked off the light, intending to go back immediately, then froze as something caught his eye. Very slowly, he turned around.

It seemed L had decided to do a little decorating; thousands of stars and moons – those cheap, glow-in-the-dark sticky ones – covered the ceiling and walls. L had even put them all over the door handle, although not the door itself.

_God, Ryuzaki. How long did this take you? Especially with your bad back?_ Soichiro walked into the room and pivoted on his heel, staring around. The placement of the stars was too random for the young man to have bought star wallpaper; in fact, the deputy director wasn't sure L even knew such a thing existed. These had all been carefully stuck on by hand.

_You wondered what he did all day? Now you know._

_Yes, and now he really has to get better. After all the effort he put into this room, he hasn't spent nearly enough time enjoying it._

The deputy director looked around one final time, then left, taking care to close the passage behind him and making a mental note to buy the audio books tomorrow evening on his way down to the hospital. Sachiko and Sayu had already gone to bed when he got in, so for a while he had the place to himself.

_And there's nothing I can do_.

This wasn't strictly true; there were a lot of things Soichiro could do, but all of them - the TV, the bath, books, music - reminded him too strongly of L and were therefore useless at distracting him. In the end he gave it up as a bad job and went into his room. Maybe he'd think better after a good night's sleep.

* * *

Soichiro awoke early the next morning, not because he wanted to but because someone on the floor below his happened to be yelling far too loudly for the deputy director to ignore it.

_Matsuda_. It had to be him; the only other person in the old HQ was Aizawa, who wasn't the shouting type.

"Do you think he's alright, dear?" Sachiko asked. Matsuda had come to dinner at the Yagamis' house more than once, and made a favorable impression on all the family, especially Soichiro's wife, to the point where Sachiko - who had somehow heard about Matsuda's state on the housewives' grapevine - often insisted on making a packed lunch for him as well as for her husband and daughter.

Soichiro, rightly interpreting this wifely comment as _Go and see if he's alright, dear_, got out of bed with a suppressed sigh and pulled on some casual clothes before heading to the door.

_Damn, did he have to start yelling right now? Couldn't he have waited until after breakfast?_

He'd got about halfway to Matsuda's apartment when a small and rather sticky hand wrapped itself around two of his fingers and held them tightly. Startled, Soichiro glanced down to where Yukiko was keeping pace with him, thumb corked firmly in her mouth.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for school?" the deputy director asked her.

Yukiko shook her head. "No, 'cause Mama and Daddy are gonna yell for _hours _and Daddy said I don't have to get ready until Mama leaves."

_Rather Machiavellian of you, Matsuda_, Soichiro thought. He'd seen that Matsuda made a real effort not to yell at his ex-wife whenever Yukiko was present, but on top of what had happened at the hotel and the stress over L's condition, a personal visit would have been all it took to push him over the edge.

"Really? So what are you going to do until then?"

Yukiko shrugged and didn't answer.

"Have you had breakfast?"

She shook her head. "No 'cause Mama came before Daddy could finish cooking so I left before they started yelling."

"I see." Soichiro studied Yukiko's dejected form for a few moments, then made up his mind. "Come with me."

The child let go of his hand and drew back, suddenly suspicious. "Are you a lawyer? 'Cause Mama said I'm not 'llowed to talk to lawyers unless she's with me."

"No, I'm not a lawyer. I'm a policeman, remember? The same as your father. Come on. My wife's making breakfast. If you ask nicely, she'll probably make you some as well."

"Is _she_ a lawyer?"

The deputy director smiled a little. "No, she's not a lawyer. There are no lawyers in my family. I promise."

Satisfied, Yukiko trotted after Soichiro to the deputy director's apartment, where an anxious Sachiko was waiting outside.

"What's happening?" she asked as soon as her husband was within earshot.

"Just a little domestic disagreement, that's all." Soichiro drew Yukiko forward, a procedure made rather more difficult by the fact that Matsuda's daughter had apparently had an attack of shyness and was trying to hide in his leg.

"This is Yukiko. With one thing and another, she hasn't had any breakfast, so I was hoping you might—"

"Of course. Poor thing." Sachiko held out a hand. Yukiko scrutinized it thoroughly for several seconds, then seemed to decide that it was okay and took hold of it, abandoning Soichiro without so much as a backward glance.

That crisis dealt with, Soichiro turned and strode away, heading in the direction of Matsuda's apartment. Sticking his nose into other people's marital affairs wasn't something he usually did, but there was no way he was going to let his own family be disturbed.

Matsuda's front door was slightly ajar as Soichiro approached it, which probably explained why the row was so audible.

The deputy director slammed the door all the way open and then ducked very fast as a soup bowl flashed through the air toward his head. He stayed down for a few moments, just long enough to ascertain there would be no more flying crockery, then straightened up.

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" he demanded.

"Yagami-_bucho_!" Matsuda stared at him with a look that said he thought the end of the world was nigh, then dropped into a deep bow.

As Soichiro had hoped, his intrusion calmed the pair down a little. For a few moments, he didn't say anything else, just stared at them fixedly. Both Matsuda and Tomo were very red in the face, although the deputy director couldn't be sure whether that was down to shame or exertion.

"I asked you a question," he said, when neither of them seemed inclined to speak. "What's going on?"

Tomo, who had also bowed, albeit nowhere near as deeply as her husband, straightened up again.

"It's nothing that concerns you."

Matsuda, who had started to straighten up from his bow, promptly dropped back into a ninety degree angle and shuffled away from Tomo.

"I beg to differ," Soichiro said, "since your screaming woke both me _and_ my family. Do you realize you can be heard all over the building?"

The flush deepened a little. "I apologize, Yagami-_san_. But it's all his fault—" jabbing an accusatory finger in Matsuda's direction. "He was the one who went and lost my daughter!"

"_Your_ daughter?" Matsuda exploded, jerking bolt upright, Soichiro all but forgotten in this new attack. "Okay, let me give you a quick biology lesson—"

"_Enough_!" Soichiro's voice rose above the argument. "Matsuda did not _lose_ your daughter. Yukiko took cover the second she realized her mother was coming over, since she didn't want to be caught in the middle of a domestic war zone and I can't say I blame her. She was hiding in our corridor and so I took her back to our apartment where my wife is looking after her, since I thought it better she wait with us than wander around the building and possibly out onto the streets. If the two of you must fight, at least do it quietly or somewhere you won't disturb the other residents."

There was a rather abashed silence, then Matsuda cleared his throat. "I apologize as well, Yagami-_bucho_. It won't happen again."

"I wish I could believe that," Soichiro said flatly. "Where's your daughter's satchel?"

Tomo took a step forward. "It's alright. I'll get it. I'm sorry we disturbed you, Yagami-_san_." That at least had the ring of truth to it.

Soichiro shook his head. "No. Right now your daughter's completely safe. I believe she goes to the Momoki kindergarten, am I right?"

Both parents nodded.

"Good. _My_ daughter is currently attending Joshibi University; she will make sure Yukiko-_chan_ gets to school safely. That will give you several hours to talk about who's going to pick her up this afternoon, and this time," Soichiro couldn't help adding over his shoulder as he turned to go back to his own apartment and get ready for work, "_try_ to keep your discussion under ninety decibels, would you?"

* * *

At seven fifteen, Soichiro left his apartment to go to work. At ten to eight, he walked into his department and knew even before he was more than halfway across the floor that it was going to be one of those days.

"Yagami-_bucho_?" Suzuki stood up, a slightly worried look on his face. "That reporter from the _Yomiuri_ is waiting in your office. She wants to know if it's true that one of us had a hand in the murders."

It was a shame that more reporters didn't consider a career in the police force, Soichiro thought bitterly. With their uncanny talent for sniffing out hints and stories, the deputy director thought that they'd probably be very good at it.

"Cancel it and get rid of her on any pretext you like, and someone bring Ueda to interview room fifteen. It's high time I had a talk with him. Aizawa, you're with me this morning."

"The man's guilty as hell, Yagami-_bucho_," Aizawa retorted, although he was already getting to his feet and hunting through his desk for a pen. "What's to talk about?"

Soichiro shot him a cold look. "He may be willing to trade information for the promise of a lighter sentence. Speaking of sentencing, what's happening with Sato?"

Aizawa fell into step beside the deputy director as he answered, "Tatenaka submitted a request for a pre-indictment detention as soon as he heard. That was approved, and I'm sure he'll also ask for an extension once the initial ten days are up. Sato's here at least until the second of July, possibly even longer." The two men walked down the corridor in silence for a few moments, then Aizawa said abruptly, "How's Ryuzaki?"

The words _As if you care_ rose up in Soichiro's throat, but he managed to choke them down long enough to replace them with, "There's been no change. He's still unconscious."

"Ah." More silence. "Yagami-_bucho_, I know you never wanted him involved but I have to ask, do you think he knew about Ueda?"

"No," Soichiro answered without hesitating. "He was quick enough to call my son a mass murderer, so I can't think he'd have hesitated to call Ueda a traitor. He told me someone in the NPA had a hand in this, but I'm not sure he worked out who. And he was so determined to investigate that if he'd had a lead as solid as that one, he would have told me immediately."

They paused outside the interview room.

"Are you going to keep looking after him, Yagami-_bucho_?"

"He doesn't need much looking after anymore, but yes. I know you hate him, but he's a good kid. He deserves a chance in life."

Aizawa shook his head. "_Hate_ is too strong a word. I've never hated him, but something about him makes me feel..." He hesitated.

"Go on," Soichiro instructed.

"Dirty."

Soichiro blinked. He'd prepared himself for a number of answers, but that hadn't been one of them.

"What do you mean?"

"Whenever I looked at him during the Kira case, I saw a psychologically traumatized young man under too much pressure to think straight. I knew we needed him to solve the case, but I was never happy about using him. I felt like we should be helping him, not exploiting him, but I had no idea how and I was too focused on Kira to think about Ryuzaki. Every time I see him, it reminds me of that."

The deputy director raised an eyebrow, opening the door and gesturing to Aizawa to precede him.

"Psychologically traumatized?" he echoed. "What makes you say that? The fact that he ate nothing but sweets? Or was it some of his unusual quirks?"

Aizawa paused, looked him straight in the eye and said, "If you really want to know, it was the fact that he spent about ninety five percent of his time curled up in a fetal position."

"He has a bad back—"

"And does he spend all his time in a fetal position because he has a bad back, Yagami-_bucho_? Or does he have a bad back because he spends all his time in a fetal position, when he's not hunched over monitors?"

Soichiro started to answer, but the sound of footsteps from outside cut him off. Giving Aizawa a _we'll-continue-this-later_ look, he sat down

Several seconds went by, then the door opened and Ueda was dragged inside and shoved into the seat on the other side of the table, looking considerably the worse for wear. Stubble covered the lower part of his face; no one had been inclined to offer him a razor or even a shower or change of clothes since he'd been arrested four days ago. Privately, Soichiro understood their feelings even if he didn't approve of them, but being in the same room as a man who hadn't showered or changed for four days wasn't going to make for a very pleasant experience.

The officer who had brought him bowed to Soichiro and Aizawa, then walked out, closing the door gently behind him.

For a few moments, the three of them just stared at each other in silence. In spite of the situation, Soichiro couldn't help noting that Ueda didn't seem overly worried.

"I might have known it would be you two," Ueda said, a little hoarsely, looking from one to the other and back again.

"Alright." Aizawa picked up a pen, looking very much as if he wanted to stab the ex-detective in the eye with it. "Let's get this over with."

The other man held up a hand. "Before you do, let me tell you that I've spoken to the duty lawyer and I'm willing to make a deal with the police. If the NPA will intercede on my behalf, I will tell you everything I know and answer all your questions fully to the best of my ability, as well as providing you with a list of names."

"_All_ the names?" Soichiro said sharply.

Ueda shrugged. "Well, as many as I know. As I told Aizawa, I'm not the one behind all of this. It's very possible there are more people involved that I don't know about. What's more important to the two of you; punishing me for being a flawed detective, or arresting the real people behind this?"

The deputy director rose to his feet. "There's a difference between flawed and corrupt, Ueda! How much did they pay you to be involved in this?"

"I don't accept bribes, Yagami. If you want to talk to someone who does, I suggest you start with Aizawa."

Aizawa shot out of his chair with a lot less dignity than Soichiro had displayed. "Now wait just a damn minute—!"

Soichiro quelled him with a look, then met Ueda's gaze steadily.

"If you're trying to divide us by telling me that Aizawa has his own little enterprises going on in the background, you're wasting your time," he said. "I've known that for years; he came and told me himself to stop anyone from doing what you're trying to do."

Ueda raised his eyebrows. "And you approve of his actions?"

"I didn't say that." In fact, Soichiro neither approved nor disapproved; the people in his department were all adults and able to decide for themselves if they wanted Aizawa's services. "But there's a world of difference between what he does and what you did. Aizawa takes money from other NPA detectives to do the things they can't be bothered with, such as copying out reports, or dealing with the press, or working extra shifts. He's never taken money from anyone to cover up a crime, much less become an accessory to one. He may not be a nice man but he _is_ a good one."

The other man shrugged. "Well, you're free to run the department as you see fit, of course. Personally I wouldn't tolerate such a thing. But to return to your original question, I didn't get any money. None of us did. We were motivated by, shall we say, personal convictions."

Soichiro sat down slowly. Out the corner of his eye, he noticed Aizawa doing the same thing.

"Then this is some kind of cult."

"Cult?" Ueda rolled the word around in his mouth, savoring it like a fine wine. "I suppose you could call it that, if you were to call it anything. But think in terms of a personality one rather than religious. Incidentally, I didn't commit the murders myself, of course; I merely ensured that all the debris was cleared up afterward."

"By _debris_, I assume you mean _trace evidence_," Aizawa shot back.

"Naturally. Well, the families had no idea what I was really up to when I was going around their homes."

"And what about _my_ family?" Soichiro demanded. "Do you really think I wouldn't have insisted on examining that particular crime scene myself?"

"No, we knew you would. The ones who tried to kill your daughter weren't involved in any of the other attacks and had no criminal record at all, so any trace evidence you managed to find wouldn't have done you any good at all."

Soichiro's hand curled into a fist and slammed down on the table. "Were you the one who targeted Sayu?"

Ueda shook his head. "No, but she was always a target right from the beginning. Of course, none of us realized you'd taken in a lodger. He's a tough little bastard, isn't he? I couldn't believe it when I saw him standing in the NPA less than a week after that incident. It was almost as big a shock as that girl's reappearance."

"Etsuko Inoue. Yeah, let's talk about her." Aizawa finished scribbling on the report and glanced up long enough to demand, "Did you frighten her into silence?"

"Well, not in the way you're thinking of, which probably involves a threat of some kind. I merely pointed out to her – several times – that the murderers would come for her next if they knew she'd gone to the police. If they thought she hadn't heard or seen anything, then they'd leave her alone."

Aizawa curled his lip, leaning back in his chair. "And any fear she showed would no doubt be chalked up to the ordeal of being interviewed by the NPA and probably to her being in shock as well. You really are a bastard, Ueda. It's a good thing that girl had a lot more courage than you gave her credit for."

"_Why_, though?" Soichiro demanded. "I can just about imagine one person being sick enough to do something like this for the hell of it, but not a whole damn group of them!"

Ueda shrugged. "Revenge, I suppose. You made a lot of enemies, Yagami, from all walks of life."

When Soichiro failed to have a _Eureka_ moment, the other man sighed. "Didn't you think it rather strange that the victims were killed in such a specific way? Doesn't it remind you of how a lot of other people were dying at one point? Because of, shall we say, heart problems? Of course, we'll never know how Kira managed to give people heart attacks, so we had to improvise a little."

_In other words, the whole religious cult aspect was nothing more than a red herring_. Soichiro shook his head. It had worked as well; even L had been fooled into considering it.

"You were in charge of the task force that hunted Kira down. No one knows exactly what happened, but somehow you drove Kira underground and the crime rate skyrocketed." Ueda's gaze darted from one face to the other. "Or have I got that wrong?"

"No," Aizawa answered before Soichiro could speak. "He's underground alright."

Disappointment flickered across Ueda's face. "I thought so. We hoped he might come back if we showed there were those of us who still supported him, but it seems he had other ideas."

_Oh Light. Are you watching this? How does it feel, knowing what you started? You should have burned that damn notebook the second you realized it worked._

"Then I was the target," Soichiro said very quietly. "You killed the first few to...what? Get my attention?"

"No, we killed them because we wanted you to believe that it really _was_ random. And because if you're drawing an upside-down pentagram, you tend to start in the top right hand corner and you lived in the bottom right. We did consider Matsuda's daughter, since he was one of those who stood against Kira as well, but he'd already moved into that building and we couldn't get in."

"You did all this because you were hoping for...what?" Aizawa demanded. "Kira's _resurrection_?"

Ueda's gaze sharpened and he leaned forward a little, staring at the younger man.

"Odd choice of words. I wasn't aware Kira was dead."

"I was speaking metaphorically." Aizawa leaned forward, eyes coldly burning. "You _do_ realize that if Kira were to find out about this, you and the people behind this would be his first targets? He killed criminals and people who tried to stand in his way, such as Light Yagami, but he never killed innocents."

"We decided that was a risk we were willing to take to bring him out of hiding and back to doing what the world so desperately needs. The laws in most countries, including Japan, don't allow criminals to be punished in the way they deserve. Kira did. We want a crime-free world, the same as anyone else."

"Then why the _hell_ did you go and commit four murders?" Aizawa erupted.

Ueda leaned back a little. "You already know the answer to that and I'm not going to repeat myself. It's a shame the hotel thing didn't work, but then, we always knew it would end sooner or later."

His casual tone stunned Aizawa into silence for a few minutes, giving Soichiro a chance to talk.

"Who else was involved? We know the killer had surgical training, since no one else would know how to remove the organs so neatly—"

"Really?" Ueda interrupted, smiling a little for the first time. "You think so? And having come up with this theory, I suppose you were so carried away with your own cleverness that you never stopped to think that you'd missed a trick somewhere."

"What trick?" Aizawa demanded scornfully. "A fully trained surgeon could remove any organ you wanted without touching the others."

"So could a forensic pathologist." Ueda watched as this sank in, then sighed. "You've sent people down for autopsies, haven't you? What did you think was involved in one of those? And you both know I used to work in forensics before transferring; that's no secret. I didn't commit any of the murders myself, but I was able to train the people that did."

"And the drug that was used?" Soichiro pressed.

"Oh, _that_ was from a surgeon. I never said one wasn't involved, Yagami, just that he wasn't the one committing the murders. He gave us what we needed, and then his part in all this was done but I don't know his name."

Aizawa flexed his writing hand a few times, then said, "Why did you kill where you did? Why Tokyo? Why not Osaka, or Yokohama?"

Ueda shook his head, lips pressed together. "I refuse to answer that question."

"I refuse to care," Aizawa retorted before Soichiro could get a word out. "If you want any kind of deal, you answer _all_ the questions. You don't get to pick and choose the ones you like. Why did you pick those districts in particular?"

There was a long pause, during which Ueda studied the table, his fingernails and Aizawa respectively, then he sighed.

"Well, _you_ try finding five districts in Tokyo that you can use to draw an inverted pentagram. It's not as easy as you might think. And, of course, my being so close was an unexpected bonus, since I live in Bunkyo. There was supposed to be a final murder in the center, just to finish off the whole cult ruse. Of course, the others may decide to go ahead and do it anyway."

Soichiro felt his body start to go numb.

"Who's the target?" he demanded.

Ueda eyed him narrowly. "If I tell you that, will you give me immunity?"

The deputy director slammed his pen down on the desk. "No! But right now you're looking at the death penalty, and we might decide to help you avoid that."

"I may be found innocent."

Aizawa laughed. "_What_? Where do you think you are; some bleeding-heart Western country? By the time a case reaches court here, the defendant is considered as good as guilty; you know that as well as I do. You'll end up in prison and if the rest of us get any say in this at all, you'll end up in Nagoya! Who's the final target?"

For a moment Soichiro thought Ueda wasn't going to answer, then he said calmly, "Sachiko Yagami."

The color drained out of the world and Soichiro had to grip the edge of the desk to keep himself steady.

"What?" His voice was so faint he had trouble hearing it.

Ueda raised an eyebrow. "Are you surprised? Your driving Kira away made the country a more dangerous place. More kidnaps end in murders now, since Kira can no longer pass judgment on the kidnappers before they have a chance to do anything. People want you to know what it's like, to lose your loved ones."

"He's already lost his son," Aizawa shot back before Soichiro had a chance to speak. "Isn't that enough?"

"Well, if it's any consolation, the plan was to injure Yagami at the hotel, so he wouldn't have been able to save his wife anyway. I knew you would have worked out enough to come after me and Sanami. That only left Yagami and Takahashi, and that kid's so green he'd have been more use planted in the hotel garden." Ueda glanced at Soichiro, grimacing a little. "Of course, none of us planned on your bringing along a bodyguard. Or Matsuda, for that matter; if he hadn't come sniffing around, things would have worked out perfectly."

"Ryuzaki isn't my bodyguard."

The other man leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs at the ankles and looking as relaxed as if this were no more than a meeting in a bar between friends.

"Well, he was that night. How many other people do you know who would have taken a bullet for you?"

There was a silence. Neither Soichiro nor Aizawa felt up to answering that.

"It will happen, you know." Now Ueda's voice held the gentle softness of the die-hard fanatic. "Kira's not gone. He'll come back sooner or later."

Soichiro saw the look in Aizawa's eyes, but reacted a second too late to stop him. Before Ueda had time to blink, the other man had punched him hard enough to send him crashing onto his back.

"_Aizawa_!"

"I slipped," Aizawa stated, massaging his hand and staring hard at Soichiro, the look in his eyes daring the deputy director to make something of it.

"If you—"

"I _said_ I slipped. I started to grab something to break my fall, but unfortunately Ueda's face got in the way of my hand," Aizawa reeled off in the monotone of one reciting a learned passage.

"Do you always try and grab things with a clenched fist, Aizawa?"

Aizawa didn't drop his gaze.

"I slipped," he repeated stubbornly.

"Assaulting a suspect—"

"He's no longer a suspect, Yagami-_bucho_. He confessed, and that makes him a criminal. Besides, I already told you; I slipped." Lowering his voice until even Soichiro struggled to hear it, Aizawa went on. "And even if I didn't, are you really going to suspend me as well? At the rate you're going, there'll soon be more NPA detectives out there than there are in here."

Soichiro stared at him for a long time, then said abruptly, "We're taking a break."

Without waiting for Aizawa's reaction, he got to his feet and strode out, the other detective following.

"What are we going to do?" Aizawa demanded as soon as he'd slammed the door. "Besides getting Ueda to sign a full confession, of course."

The deputy director shook his head. "I don't know, to be honest. Maybe—"

Soichiro's phone rang, cutting him off. Glancing at the screen, he saw Matsuda's name there and his heart seemed to freeze in his chest. There was only one reason why the younger man would be phoning him at work...Soichiro's pulse quickened and he gripped the phone so tightly his knuckles turned white.

"Matsuda, what is it?"

"Yagami-_bucho_...it's about Ryuzaki."

_Finally!_ The endless waiting was destroying him. "He's awake?"

"No, I'm afraid he's still in a coma. But I do have some news about him you'll want to hear; the doctors have done some blood tests on him as well as an MRI scan and they say that there's no sign of brain damage."

The deputy director felt a smile of pure relief spread across his face. He wasn't sure he could have stopped it even if he'd wanted to. Having L die would be terrible. Having that hyper-intelligent, quirky young man reduced to no more than a vegetable would have been obscene.

"Is that right?"

"Yes. But there's a very big possibility he might have amnesia when he wakes up. _If_ he wakes up. He's still not showing any signs of life. Maybe..." Matsuda hesitated.

"Maybe what?" Soichiro demanded in a voice that bordered on the dangerous.

"Maybe...he's tired," Matsuda answered very quietly.

The phone went dead and Soichiro stared at it, a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Yagami-_bucho_?" Aizawa said in an uncertain tone. "Is Ryuzaki alright?"

Soichiro was saved from having to answer this by his phone ringing a second time. Thinking it was Matsuda, that maybe they'd just been cut off, he answered it without checking the caller ID.

"Matsuda?"

"This is Wammy's House." The voice was tinnily modulated in the same way as L's had once been. "One of our representatives has just arrived in Japan and would very much like to arrange a face to face meeting with you concerning L for tomorrow morning, Yagami-_san_."

* * *

**AN: **Wow, thirty chapters! I had no idea this fic was going to turn out to be so long. And YES; over 300 reviews! A huge thank you to everyone and please stick with it; the end is now in sight ;)


	31. Permission to Die

**Dennis Nedry: **Thanks XD And...well, you might be right about the mysterious contact XD (On another side note, I've heard of the movie but never got around to seeing it...yet).

**PianoCatRulez:** Heh. That line was actually taken from a deleted scene between Soichiro and Yukiko; I scrapped the scene but had to work that line in somewhere =P

**AiyanaMiyuki: **Oh, I don't ;) It just seems to be one of the main criticisms I've heard of Kaga's portrayal of Soichiro; common opinion seems to be _Well, okay, he can act and his character's true to type, but he doesn't have a mustache and so therefore he's crap_. What's the big deal about that mustache anyway? I've never worked it out :S

**crazycatlady227: **Thanks :)

* * *

**JUNE 29**

Soichiro screeched into the hospital car park at seven fifteen am. He was vaguely aware that he was in no fit state to conduct any kind of meeting, but at that moment in time, he didn't much care.

_How did they find out? How?_

The meeting had been set up for nine o'clock that morning, at the same hospital where L was being treated. Soichiro had been given no input into this; instead he had been told that this was what would happen. Given Sato's previous attempts to seize L and the fact that he didn't know who he was dealing with this time, the deputy director didn't dare miss it.

Seconds after he'd switched off the engine, his phone rang and he picked it up.

"Wammy's House, right?"

Brief pause, then: "Yes. How is L?"

Several seconds passed before the deputy director could trust himself to answer. When he finally did speak, his voice was so angry that a passer by looked over in alarm.

"You've got a real nerve. After hounding the poor kid and attempting to capture and train him like a circus animal, you now phone up to play the concerned guardian? _Who the hell do you think you are_?"

There was a pause. "I...I don't know. They said, phone you up when you got into the car park and ask you about L."

With a sinking feeling, Soichiro realized he'd just yelled at a perfectly innocent interpreter.

"Who are you?" he demanded

Another brief pause, then the speaker said, "Um, that doesn't matter."

"I see. So you're one of the Wammy's House kids. Who are you interpreting for?"

"Roger."

"Ah." Soichiro wasn't completely surprised. He'd been expecting another appeal from Roger, although he hadn't expected the man to jump on a plane and fly halfway around the world to make it. "Are you Japanese?"

"Yes."

"Then tell me your real name. I can help you."

"Yes. I understand." There was a short pause, then the boy – at least, Soichiro assumed it was a boy – said, "Alright. Yes."

_Does he think I'm going to let it drop that easily?_

_You don't know what kind of punishment he might be looking at if he obeys you. It's all very well to say you'll help him, but you've got no idea where he's phoning from so you're no damn good to him right now and he knows it._

"Alright, forget the name," Soichiro told him. "How long have you been living in that orphanage?"

"Six months." There was a muffled conversation at the other end, then: "Roger wants to know, where's L planning to go after he gets out of hospital?"

"He'll be staying with me and my family, until he's well enough to go back to his own apartment. Which part of Japan do you come from?"

"Hyogo. How long will he be in hospital?"

"As long as it takes. How old are you?"

"Ten. Right." Pause. "What's the name of the doctor in charge of his case?"

"Why don't you tell me your name instead?" Soichiro tried again.

Long, long silence, then the boy said, "That's impossible, Yagami-_san_."Shorter silence, then, "Roger says that since you've arrived early, we may as well get this over with. Please proceed into the hospital."

Well, at least Roger had come to the same conclusion as Soichiro, that it was better to get this over and done with. Unfortunately, if Sato was anything to go by, the deputy director didn't think this was likely to be a very quick meeting.

Slamming the car door shut, he entered the hospital at a brisk walk and headed for the reception. He was beginning to know this hospital very well by now.

"My name's Yagami. I'm here to see Soichiro Ryuzaki."

"Oh!" The receptionist, one Soichiro hadn't met before, sat upright. "Yes. I was told you might be coming along. Ryuzaki-_san_'s been moved."

"Moved?" the deputy director echoed, a twinge of unease running through him.

"Yes, he's now in room fourteen." The receptionist tore off a sheet of notepaper. "Here, let me write it down for you."

Soichiro bit back his initial comment _re _how he was sure he could remember a simple room number and settled for saying instead, "Why did they move him?"

She handed him the paper with the words _Soichiro Ryuzaki – Room 14_ scrawled on it and answered, "His condition stabilized just after midnight. He's no longer in any danger, so they decided to take him out of ICU and put him in a normal room."

Light filled the world and Soichiro felt a smile spread across his face. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. The doctor in charge of his case told me so himself and said I should tell you, since he knew you'd be in sooner or later. You're the second visitor Ryuzaki-_san_'s had."

Soichiro glanced at her. "Really? Who was the first?"

"The English teacher from the old international school he used to go to in Tokyo. I'm sorry, but I didn't catch his name. He had Ryuzaki-_san_'s younger brother with him, said he'd sneaked him out of the dorm for a quick visit."

The light disappeared again. Soichiro felt a chill run through his body.

"Ryuzaki never went to school in Tokyo."

Shock flashed through the woman's eyes. "He must have done. The—"

"He was kidnapped when he was eight years old and taken to England. He never went to any international school in Japan and if he ever _did_, it would have been one in Aomori," the deputy director added, somewhat contrarily. "Where are these people?"

"I...well, I would think they went straight up to the room. Yagami-_san_, I—"

Soichiro turned away before the receptionist could finish the sentence and headed for the elevator at a run.

* * *

When he arrived in L's room, he discovered that the receptionist had been right and Roger – a tall, elderly man who more or less matched Soichiro's mental image of him perfectly – was there with his interpreter.

The interpreter was a bit of a surprise. Soichiro had expected a kid in his teens, or possibly even L's age. Instead the deputy director found himself face to face with a boy who could be no older than ten or eleven.

_Wonderful. Not only did I yell at an interpreter, I yelled at a little kid._

The boy started to bow, then seemed to change his mind and extended his hand instead. There was a silent unspoken plea in his eyes. A little nonplussed, Soichiro shook his hand and felt a folded scrap of paper being slipped to him.

_Ah_.

The deputy director didn't nod or give the pair any sign of what had just happened, but simply withdrew his hand and dropped the paper into his coat, leaving both hands in his pockets for a few moments to cover the gesture.

"I assume you're here to talk about Ryuzaki," he said.

"About L, yes." Roger stressed the word _L_ a little, although the interpreter didn't seem inclined to pass on that inflection. "Specifically, we want to discuss arrangements for his return home."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "Ah. I appreciate your concern, but there is really no need for it. Ryuzaki will remain here until he is well enough to travel. At that point, he will return with me to the apartment block in Tokyo where he's currently living."

Roger smiled. "Well, we can agree on the first part, at least. L's home is with us, no matter how sorry you may feel for him. I assure you he will be well taken care of."

"By Sato, you mean? No."

"Yes, that reminds me; what _is_ happening with him?" Roger asked. "You can't hold him indefinitely."

"We can - and we _will_ - hold him for twenty three days from the time of arrest. He'll be out sometime in July, unless he confesses to assaulting Ryuzaki or Ryuzaki decides to press charges against him."

"Please don't take this amiss, Mr. Yagami, but the thought does occur that L is a long way from pressing charges against _anybody_ at this precise moment in time."

Soichiro narrowed his eyes a little. Roger's tone hadn't changed from its quiet politeness and there was no denying the truth of what he'd said, but the deputy director still didn't like being reminded of such things.

"Sato's description and picture have been circulated throughout Tokyo, and if he comes after Ryuzaki again, he will be arrested by the city police." He paused before continuing as delicately as possible, "And they may not be as gentle about it as we have been."

"Yes, I'm well aware of the reputation that the Japanese police and prison systems enjoy, Mr. Yagami. Be that as it may, we cannot have criminals working for Wammy's House. If it's proved that Sato has attacked L, or anyone for that matter, we will not interfere with police proceedings in any way, shape or form whatsoever. We are both on the side of law and order, after all."

It was getting a little too cozy for Soichiro's liking, and the deputy director drew himself up a little, feeling a sudden urge to get out of there. Leaving L was out of the question, however, and so he did the next best thing and nodded toward the bathroom door. At least in there he could take a few minutes to think and read whatever was on that note the boy had slipped him.

"Please excuse me for a moment. I'm afraid I left Tokyo in rather a hurry."

Not waiting for a response, he crossed over to the door and reached out for the handle.

"Before you do that," Roger said quietly through the boy, "please hand over the note you just received."

Soichiro raised his eyebrows. "What note?"

The old man sighed. "I can tell by looking at you, Mr. Yagami, that you are not a slovenly man and you are also not the kind of man who would stand there with his hands in his pockets like an overgrown schoolboy. The boy passed you something and as his guardian, I have a right to know what that something is. Please show it to me."

Without hesitating, Soichiro pulled out the scrap of paper on which the receptionist had written L's name and room number and held it out.

Roger stared at it, clearly nonplussed. "What's this?"

"Just what you asked for. When I came here earlier, the receptionist told me Ryuzaki had been moved and wrote this down for me. It fell out of my pocket, I don't know where. Your young interpreter was just returning it to me. I think he thought you might accuse him of writing it down and endangering L and get angry, which is why he slipped it to me in the way that he did." Soichiro very carefully avoided looking at the boy as he said this. "Now, please excuse me."

Turning, he strode into the small bathroom. If Roger had been Sato, he would never have considered such a thing, but something told Soichiro that L was safe, at least for the moment, and that Roger could safely be ignored. He wanted L alive and out of hospital, and injuring him would achieve neither of those things.

Once safely locked in the bathroom, Soichiro pulled the real note out of his suit jacket and unfolded it. On it were written four words.

_Teppei Sasegawa. Help me._

Sasegawa. The name meant nothing to Soichiro, although if the kid was from the Hyogo prefecture as he'd claimed earlier, it was no wonder he wasn't well-known all the way over in Tokyo.

_Doesn't matter. You know who he is, you know where he comes from, and it's your job as a detective to get him back there as soon as possible._

Soichiro stood there until he thought a plausible amount of time had elapsed for him to have used the bathroom, then he flushed the note down the toilet and emerged. As soon as he closed the bathroom door again, Roger said something to Teppei, who paled and glanced up at Soichiro with a look of alarm, shifting from foot to foot.

"Um..." he began, then stopped, looking awkward.

"It's alright," Soichiro said quietly. "What did he say?"

Teppei swallowed hard. "He, uh—please understand this is him saying it, Yagami-_san_, not me."

"Yes, I understand that. I won't be angry with you. Tell me what he said."

The boy lowered his gaze and mumbled something to the floor.

"I'm sorry?" Soichiro said. "I didn't quite catch that."

Teppei lifted his eyes and said in a monotone, "He says he doesn't believe what you said about the note. He, uh, he's asking you to turn out your pockets."

The audacity of such a request left the deputy director temporarily speechless. Did civilians in England get away with ordering the police there to submit to a search? He started to respond, then checked himself. Roger might insist on a literal translation of the words he was about to use, and Soichiro didn't think that would be a very good idea. This was one question he could answer without Teppei's help.

Staring straight into Roger's face, he shook his head slowly, emphatically and said in English, "No."

Another few sentences, then Teppei said, "Um...he says he appreciates your position, Yagami-_san_ and he really didn't mean to insult you but he really, really feels like he ought to quite possibly...ask you again."

The deputy director was willing to bet everything he owned that this wasn't the literal translation, but he didn't want to make the poor kid feel even more awkward and embarrassed than he currently did.

"Then tell him _no_ again, and while you're at it, tell him I know why he's really here and that Ryuzaki, or L, or whatever you want to call him, will not be going back to Wammy's House."

Before Teppei got the chance to translate this, Roger added something else, gaze fixed firmly on Soichiro.

"He says—" Teppei broke off suddenly, eyes wide, then fired off a rapid question at Roger, who replied with an air of benign calm.

"What does he say?" Soichiro asked.

There was a sudden hopeful look in the boy's eyes as he answered, "He says...I can go home. He says Wammy's House will trade me for L. That's why he chose me to come with him, instead of an older kid."

_Brilliantly played, Roger, _Soichiro thought bitterly. This decision would have been hard enough to make over the phone, but having to make it with Teppei looking at him with that hopeful, pleading expression made him feel like the world's biggest bastard.

"Tell Roger I want to discuss this with him alone, and that I'll bring in my own interpreter."

"Oh no, I really don't think that would be fair on the boy," Roger answered in smooth tones once this had been passed on. "He has the right to hear your decision as well, Mr. Yagami, since it concerns him so much."

Teppei fixed Soichiro with a beseeching expression, dry-washing his hands as he stood there and waited.

"This..." The deputy director forced the words out, unsure of what to do for the best. "I really wasn't expecting anything like this. Tell Roger I need time to think it over."

The boy bit his lip. "Okay, but...you're gonna say _yes,_ right? You're gonna let me go home to my mom and dad?" Lowering his gaze, he added in a voice so small it wrenched Soichiro's heart. "Please?"

"Just pass on my message to him," Soichiro said very quietly. _Damn you, Roger. Damn you all the way to hell and back again. How dare you put me in this position?_

Teppei did so, and then translated Roger's reply. "He says that's fine, and we'll come back later. But—"

"Then go with him for now," Soichiro ordered in the same quiet voice. "I have to think about this."

Teppei shut his mouth and trailed after Roger, pausing a few times in the five second journey to glance at Soichiro, apparently hoping that the deputy director had made up his mind.

Left alone, Soichiro sat by L's side. There was no way he would leave the young man now, not with Wammy's House so close. Of course, he doubted Roger would be able to carry L out over his shoulder, but he only had the old man's word for it that he'd come alone and—no, now that Soichiro thought about it, he didn't even have that much. He'd have to set up some kind of guard duty.

_Why can't things in life ever be simple? Just once? Ryuzaki, you'd really better wake up soon and I'm not just saying that anymore._

Time passed slowly, time during which Soichiro had no further luck in solving this problem. The deputy director didn't eat, didn't talk to L, didn't even move. He just sat there, holding L's hand between both of his. At five past two, there was a tiny knock on the door, which opened enough to admit Teppei's head.

"Um. Please may I come in?"

"I haven't come to a decision yet, if that's what Roger wants to know." Soichiro's voice was curter than he realized and Teppei flinched a little, then sidled into the room and closed the door behind him.

"He doesn't know I'm here. He's old and he often takes a nap at this time, so I sneaked out while he was sleeping. Yagami-_san, please_." Teppei's face was raw with longing. "I'm sorry if I said something wrong earlier but I just want to go home. Please."

_How can I do it? How can I tell this kid no, I'm never going to let him see his home and family again?_

_How can I betray Ryuzaki?_

For a moment he considered bluffing his way through it, then rejected the notion. Quite apart from the ethical considerations, he had no way of knowing how much L would overhear. It was possible he'd hear Soichiro betraying him to Roger, but not the part about it being a trick, and the deputy director couldn't bring himself to take that risk.

"Is Roger your handler?" he asked Teppei, purely to stall for time.

The boy shook his head. "No. Wammy's don't want me for a field agent. They said they were going to offer me a completely new life in a new country, a chance to start over, but I sort of liked my old life. I'm really good with computers so they're training me to build new anti-virus things and security stuff and how to bypass firewalls. It's really boring."

"What about foreign languages?"

"Not really. I went to an international school and my dad's fluent in English so I learned it in Hyogo, but they're not teaching me any others. Roger says they used to have a computer expert, only he ran away and they never found him."

"Did _you_ ever try to run away?"

Teppei bit his lip, shaking his head slowly. "N-no. I don't have any English money and I didn't want to steal any. Wammy's House is right out in the middle of nowhere so I couldn't have gone very far and I'd never have got past the guards anyway. I'm afraid I've never really done any fighting, Yagami-_san_."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of." The thought occurred to Soichiro that Teppei was a little on the scrawny side and probably wouldn't have stood much chance against an adult guard anyway, even if the boy had happened to be a champion street fighter.

"Yagami-_san_?" Hesitant now.

"Yes?" _Please don't ask me what I'm going to do. There has to be a way to save you both, but I can't get you out of here unless I leave L._

He wasn't worried about L from a physical point of view. Roger wasn't Sato, and however he planned to carry out his agenda, Soichiro did trust the old man not to hurt or incapacitate L in any way. But he was terrified that L might wake up while he was gone, see Roger there and jump to the wrong conclusion.

Instead, Teppei looked down, moistened his lips and said in a very low voice, "Um, I don't suppose...you have anything to eat, do you?"

Soichiro glanced at him. "When was the last time you had something?"

"I had a sandwich on the plane, but that was yesterday morning."

The deputy director raised his eyebrows.

"A sandwich?" he echoed. Even by the typical standards of airline food, that was pretty dire.

_Don't knock it; at least he wasn't being stuffed full of cakes and sweets like L._

"It was a private jet. Roger brought along a packed lunch for us both, but that was it."

"Does he ever starve you?" Soichiro asked quietly.

"No, never, but he doesn't eat very much himself, so I think he thinks everyone's the same as him. And time's all screwy 'cause of the jet lag, so it really hasn't been that long and he hasn't eaten anything either but..." Teppei's stomach, as if wanting to remind him of what was truly important, interrupted him with a loud rumble and he went scarlet. "Sorry. Um. I can buy it from you. Sort of."

Soichiro shifted around in his chair to regard the boy more fully. "I thought you said you didn't have any money."

"I said I don't have any _English_ money. My parents always made me keep five hundred yen in my shoe in case I get lost. I like exploring different streets at home and taking photographs." Teppei mumbled this last in an almost inaudible voice.

_Which would have made you an absolute gift for Wammy's House_, Soichiro thought. Still, he had a homemade _bento _with him and no appetite, so perhaps—

The door opened and Matsuda fumbled his way in, arms laden with various bags, two of which were giving off a delicious, savory smell.

"Yagami-_bucho, _I saw your car but I wasn't sure if you'd eaten so I stopped at that street vendor just outside the hospital and—" Matsuda turned around and broke off in some confusion as he caught sight of Teppei, whose eyes had lit up at the sound of the words _street vendor_. "Oh...I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave this and come back later?"

Something clicked in Soichiro's mind just then and he stood up abruptly. "No, don't go. I have a job for you, Matsuda."

The young detective brightened. "You do? Does this mean I'm reinstated?"

"If you pull this off, you can consider yourself back on the force the second you return to Tokyo."

"_Really_?"

Why hadn't he thought of this before? Well, he couldn't have contacted Matsuda from inside the hospital, that was true, and at the time he'd been concerned about the strong possibility that Roger hadn't gone any further than the hospital reception, but still...

_Oh, never mind why you didn't think of it before; you've thought of it now! Get on with it!_

Mind made up, Soichiro indicated Teppei. "This is Teppei Sasegawa. He went missing from Hyogo prefecture six months ago and he wants to get back to his family as soon as possible. Take him and drive there right now. Don't stop for anyone or anything, don't use public transport, just _go_." He paused. "You can go and collect Yukiko-_chan_ from kindergarten first, since I think you'll be gone for over twenty four hours. And here." Soichiro pulled out the _bento_ Sachiko had prepared for him and handed it to Teppei. "Take this. Matsuda can bring the empty box back when he returns. Now both of you, get moving!"

Teppei hesitated. "What about Roger?"

"We'll take care of Roger. Don't worry about him."

"Are you going to arrest him, Yagami-_san_? Because I know he wasn't very nice but he was never mean to us either. I mean, he never hit us or yelled at us or anything."

The deputy director softened a little. "I can't say for sure. No matter how well he may have treated you, he still kidnapped you, or ordered you kidnapped, and that's not something that the police can just ignore. But I'll keep in mind what you said. Now go with Matsuda-_san_; he'll see you get safely home. Matsuda, when you get back, contact me immediately. We need to work out some kind of protection rota for Ryuzaki while Roger's here."

"Who's Roger?" Matsuda wanted to know.

"One of the people from Wammy's House, although nothing like Sato from what I can make out. He's also the one who will come striding in here looking for this poor kid at any second, now take him and _go_!" Soichiro didn't know anything about Roger's sleeping habits, but from what he remembered about his own grandfather, who'd also had a habit of napping throughout the day, elderly people's naps didn't tend to last long.

In spite of his concerns, however, it was another hour and a half before Roger turned up again, and when he did it wasn't in the furious manner Soichiro had anticipated. Instead, Roger simply opened the door, and in a calm voice – and fluent Japanese – asked, "Where did he go?"

Seeing Soichiro's shocked look, he sighed. "Yes, I both speak and understand Japanese, but people tend to be far more loquacious if they think you're a poor foreigner who doesn't have a clue what's being said, and it gave me a good excuse for bringing the boy along. This is irrelevant in any case. Where did he go?"

"Back to the family you stole him from," Soichiro answered. "I sent him with one of my men."

"Ah." Roger sighed. "Yes, I rather thought you might. Well, that's a weight off my mind at any rate."

The deputy director watched him through narrowed eyes. "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

Roger's gaze became a little harder. "I expect you to believe that whatever you may _already_ believe about me, I'm not the kind of man who would hurt a child. Your returning him to his family is certainly an inconvenience, but I'd far rather he go back there than be out on the streets by himself." He moved a little closer to L's unconscious form. "I take it by your actions that you agree to my offer."

Soichiro rose to his feet and stepped between Roger and L. "You take it wrong then. Ryuzaki doesn't want to go back to Wammy's House and he has the right to make his own decisions."

"Correction: he doesn't want to go with Sato," Roger corrected him. "How do you know he wouldn't be more amenable to working with another handler? Has he ever sat down and said to you, _Soichiro, I really don't want to go back to Wammy's House_?" He paused for a few seconds, then said in a slightly disapproving tone, "What made you name him after yourself, anyway?"

"In the first place, he's polite enough not to address me by my given name until invited to do so." He probably _should_ invite him to, now that he thought about it. If anyone had earned that right, L had. "In the second place, Ryuzaki chose that name himself. I had nothing to do with it. Now please leave."

Roger didn't move. "You said L has the right to make his own decisions, yet you're now denying him that right by trying to make this one for him." Meeting Soichiro's hard expression, he went on. "At the very least, I should wait here until he wakes up and can speak for himself. Otherwise, how are you any different from me? You needn't throw me out," he added as Soichiro took a step toward him. "I'm leaving anyway. I'm too old to fight you and even if I could get the better of you, I couldn't carry L out of the hospital. But I'll come back and then maybe we can talk again."

"Don't hold your breath," Soichiro said flatly.

The ghost of a smile flickered over Roger's face. "I seldom do, Mr. Yagami. But there's no need for you to worry; I didn't bring anyone else with me besides young Teppei. I will come back to visit L on occasion, just to make sure _you_ haven't arranged for him to be smuggled out somehow."

_Over my dead body_, Soichiro thought. "Ryuzaki will be placed under police guard at all times."

Roger shrugged. "I don't see how they could object to my standing in the doorway and looking into the room to see if he's still here. That's all I want; I've not the least interest in making any kind of physical contact with him. Goodbye for now, Mr. Yagami. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me today. I'm sure we'll be speaking again very soon."

Turning, he walked out, closing the door softly behind him. Soichiro waited a few moments, then opened it to make sure Roger really had left, noted the empty corridor with a certain amount of satisfaction and returned to his vigil at L's bedside.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't able to bring you anything this time, although you're beginning to run out of space here," he added, glancing at L's nightstand. Whoever had brought L to this new room had brought all the Get Well cards and flowers and books in along with him. "I'll get you something next time I come. I promise."

No answer. Much as he hated to admit it, Soichiro was getting to the point where he no longer expected one.

"Ryuzaki..." The deputy director stared at L, silently willing the young man to show some sign of life, then sighed.

"You haven't had it easy, have you?" he said abruptly. "Kidnapped as a child, brainwashed into becoming some kind of crime-solving machine, forced into situations that most people would run screaming from and then that business in Kyoto followed by Kira and eighteen months on the streets. I know you think of yourself as a freak, but after all you've been through, I'm amazed you're as well-adjusted and normal as you are."

Nothing.

"I was talking to Matsuda earlier and he told me how you seemed so tired during the Kira case. I didn't notice it myself at the time, but looking back on it, I think he was right. You were tired, weren't you? You were in a world where the only reward you ever got for finishing one job was to be given five more and you couldn't see any way out. In a way, you were just going through the motions and waiting for it all to be over. You poor kid."

Still nothing. Having spent so long wishing for the day when L wouldn't need that bleeping whatever-it-was machine, Soichiro now found he wished it was still there. At least the beeps had proved L was alive. Here with nothing but an IV saline drip, L looked even younger and more vulnerable than ever.

"I hope it's not over for you, though," Soichiro went on. "There's still a lot you haven't seen or experienced. A lot my family and I were hoping to show you. Sachiko and Sayu are planning trips around Japan for when you wake up and are strong enough." Soichiro allowed himself a small smile. "When I left them, they were arguing about whether to go to Fukuoka or Kagoshima. I've never been to either, but Fukuoka makes and sells some of the best _furikake_ in Japan. So don't think the rest of the family's forgotten you just because they haven't been to see you every day; Sayu has to study and Sachiko is busy holding everything else together. To tell you the truth, I don't know what I'd do without her."

He stared at L without really seeing him, remembering what Sayu had told him about the young man, how he was tormented by nightmares whenever he fell asleep.

_Sometimes he cries out. Sometimes he just cries._

_Are you having a nightmare now, Ryuzaki? Are you trapped in a cycle of bad dreams, unable to stop them, unable to wake up, just having to endure them over and over?_

"Ryuzaki, I'm sorry," Soichiro said very quietly. "I've been selfish, thinking about nothing but how bad it would be for me if you died. I wish there was some way I could know what you want, but you've always been so shy about making requests for yourself that it's impossible for me even to guess. Maybe Matsuda's right. Maybe you _are_ tired. And you've been micromanaged for so long that you're never sure about acting under your own initiative outside of your work as a detective. Remember when you first arrived, and you thought you needed my permission for...well, just about everything?" Thinking back to those early days, Soichiro added on impulse, "And I never did find out why you were so alarmed when I said I was going to dry your clothes. You'll have to tell me when you wake up."

He hesitated. There was something he'd made up his mind to tell L, something vital, but he was stalling, trying to put off the fateful moment. The only problem was, he'd now run out of things to say.

The deputy director leaned forward, examining L's face for any reaction.

Nothing. Damn. There was nothing else for it; he'd _have_ to say it before he lost his nerve.

"You know, Ryuzaki, I think what I'm really trying to say is that we all want you to come back to us. The doctors say you're no longer in any real danger, that you'll live if you want to. But if you can't face that, if—" Soichiro cleared his throat— "if Matsuda's right, if you're too tired and you just want to rest, you can do that too. Because you've earned it, Ryuzaki. You've really, really earned it. If you want to go, nobody will blame you, least of all me. You can come back to us, or you can go and join Hitomi-_san_. Maybe find your real mother and father too. You're part of our family and that won't ever change, but I'm sure your parents would be happy to see you."

Soichiro fell silent, staring at nothing. For the first time, it struck him that L was somebody's son.

"I mean what I say, Ryuzaki. You can come back to us or go to them, it's entirely up to you. This isn't about me anymore, Ryuzaki. It's about you. So...if you want, then..." Soichiro cleared his throat, pressing one hand against his eyes. When he thought he had himself back under some kind of control, he looked back at L. "Ryuzaki... if it's what you really want, then you have my permission to die."


	32. Silent Soliloquy

**Koyuki: **I know XD Maybe he will. Then again...maybe he won't ;)

**Cloudcookulander: **Thanks :D And...well, there aren't that many cliffhangers to go ;)

**crazycatlady227: **Maybe :P

**PianoCatRulez:** Yeah...like Soichiro says, poor L hasn't had an easy life :)

**vhs:** Well...nah. I think I'll keep L's final fate to myself XD

* * *

There was darkness, and there was pain.

It was a very special kind of pain. It seemed to get worse when he breathed, and his chest felt like someone was lying on top of it.

"Hello Ryuzaki. Long time no see."

L turned his head, or thought he did. He seemed to be in a strange kind of mind-world, where thoughts existed instead of actions.

_Light-kun?_ That was strange; even though he hadn't spoken aloud, he knew he'd said the words. _Am I dead_? He'd never bothered wondering about any kind of afterlife before, but if he had, then he would have been expecting something more exciting than gray nothingness. There was no ground, no sky, no nothing.

In the middle of this grayness was Light, perfectly visible despite there being no source of illumination that L could see.

Was he dreaming? No, he couldn't be. His dreams usually had a lot more scenery than this place.

"You have to go back, Ryuzaki." Unlike L, Light spoke normally. "My family needs you."

_Everyone always needs me._ L didn't think the words, nor did he speak them, he just...sort of felt them. _What about what I need?_

Light moved toward him. "What _do_ you need that my father hasn't already given you?"

_Do you think that devoting every waking moment of your life trying to murder me makes me happy to do you a favor?_

Another step. "No. But I've been watching my family. I've seen how my death affected them, my father included." Light paused, then went on in a softer voice that bordered on the reverent. "I've never seen him cry before."

_I don't think your death is what made him cry, Light-kun. I think what really got up Yagami-san's nose was finding out you were a psychotic serial-killing amoral sociopath._

"That's something of a tautology, Ryuzaki, since you can hardly have a _moral_ sociopath. Still, that's beside the point. There's nothing you wouldn't do for my father and you know it. I'm telling you—no. I'm begging you: go back to him, otherwise he'll lose two sons."

_I'm not his son,_ L pointed out.

"You're as good as. You told him yourself after the Kira case, that he'd been a great father to you as well as to Sayu and me. If you die now, the whole family will fall apart." Light was fading now, his voice becoming fainter. "You have to go back to them. Please."

L didn't answer. Going back felt like it would take a lot of effort. Going on would be as simple as just drifting into sleep.

"You'll see her again sooner or later anyway," Light said, although still L hadn't spoken. "Wait a little longer."

_I've waited long enough. This is all your fault anyway, you and everyone else who goes around trying to destroy the world and forcing me to get dragged into fixing it. I could have had a normal life if it hadn't been for people like you! Could have gone for walks, looked out of a window, got a regular job, had a family, all the things everyone else in the world takes for granted! Including you, I might add._

Light was silent.

_And if I do go back, I know what'll happen. I'll spend the next fifty, sixty, seventy years being considered a freak. It seems to me the most sensible thing to do is cut my losses and quit now. Maybe I'll have better luck in the next life._

"No one can change what was done to you, Ryuzaki." It seemed to L that there was a trace of Soichiro in Light's voice. "But you can't just leave my father. Not after everything he's done for you."

_And what about what I did for him? He owes me his daughter's life, to say nothing of his own. I'm tired, Light-kun. There are some good things about living, that's true, but most of the time it's just too hard. I can't do it anymore. I want to rest._

"People will help you. All you have to do is ask. That's all you've ever had to do." Light's voice was so quiet L had to strain to hear it. "Go back to him. And Ryuzaki?"

_Yes, Light-kun?_

His voice now a bare whisper, Light said, "I'm sorry too, that we couldn't be friends."

He vanished and L was left alone.

_Now what? Is Ryuk planning to come by?_

A door opened somewhere outside the fog, and the sound of footsteps jerked him out of something very like sleep. L tried to open his eyes to see who the footsteps belonged to, but they wouldn't move. No part of his body seemed under his control. He couldn't speak. He couldn't move. He couldn't see. He could only lie there and listen.

"Hi Ryuzaki. Aizawa's busy on the Roger shift so I'm afraid it's just me this time."

_I'm sure I'll survive the crushing disappointment._

"You probably already know this but Yagami-_bucho_'s been spending as much time as he can by your side. And I'm _sure_ you know this, but the NPA leak? It was Ueda. I don't know much more about it, since I was still suspended from duty when they interviewed him."

_That doesn't surprise me in the least._

"And, um, I know this probably isn't the best time to mention this, but I really hope that when you wake up you give me an extension on this month's rent, because I kinda need it. Lawyers are expensive and I'm still fighting Tomo for custody of Yuki-_chan_. Oh, and by the way, she made you a _Get Well_ card. Yukiko, not Tomo, that is. I'll put it with the others."

_Others?_

"I also brought you some music by your favorite band. At least, it's that Western rock band you've been listening to the most on Youtube. I wasn't sure on the name, so I phoned my friend Dave in Scotland and played it down the phone. You didn't know I had Western friends, did you?"

_Yes._

"Yeah, I met him in Kyoto, when I first arrived there. I had to get a room in a foreigners' house because I couldn't afford an apartment and Dave was the first person I met there. I thought he was American at first, but it turns out he's Scottish." Shaky laugh. "Scottish, not English. Don't ever call a Scottish person English, Ryuzaki, not if you want to live. He went back home after a year, but we still keep in touch. He knew the name of the band in the first two seconds and he recommended this album, so I bought and downloaded it onto one of the laptops from the old headquarters. I'll set it going before I leave. It's three CDs' worth, so you'll have about four and a half hours. Don't worry; I'll keep it quiet so you'll be able to sleep if you want to."Long silence. "You know, you saved Yagami-_bucho_'s life."

_I did?_ L racked his brains, trying to think of something he could have done that might have caused this to happen, and drew a blank. The last thing he remembered was waiting for Matsuda in the dark of the garage.

"Yeah, you probably knew that already too, right? Sorry. The problem is, none of us know how much you can hear, so we've been repeating ourselves several times in the hopes that you'll pick it up somehow. You probably can't even hear this, right?" Shaky laugh. "In fact, I don't even know why I'm talking to you!"

_Neither do I._

"Roger flew over from England to get you back for Wammy's House. Don't worry though; we're taking it in turns to guard you. Aizawa and I even have a kind of game going as to who can stall him the longest. He's never tried to kidnap you though; he just wants to make sure we haven't run off with you."

Pause.

"Sorry I couldn't make it yesterday, but I had to take Teppei back home to Hyogo prefecture. He was a Wammy's kid. Roger brought him here to try and swap him for you, only Teppei managed to sneak away and Yagami-_bucho_ got me to drive the poor kid back to his family." There was a briefer pause, then: "That was a reunion and a half. It's times like that which make me glad I joined the NPA. I mean, most vanishing kid cases don't end half as nicely as that."

_You're telling me_. L had hated working on cases involving children most of all. It was very difficult to be the calm, logical little crime-solving computer Watari wanted when children were involved.

_Look on the bright side though; that's one kid out of Wammy's House._

_One. Great. What about all the others being turned into machines? Who's going to help them?_

_Well, are you volunteering?_

L fell silent. No, he certainly wasn't. If he set one foot inside Wammy's House, he didn't think he'd ever come out again.

_So why don't you take Yagami-san with you?_

_Right. Yeah. Well, that's easy enough; I'll just ask if he minds taking a few months off work so he can pop over to England with me! You idiot!_

_If you're going to insult me, I'm not going to talk to you anymore._

_Promises, promises,_ L thought back. _And you never cared before._

_You never had anyone else to talk to before._

"I told the police to be extra vigilant. We need to do something about that place, though I don't know what. I'm sort of hoping you can come up with a few ideas when you wake up."

_Me again. Always me. Why doesn't anyone else ever come up with brilliant solutions?_

_Well, we are talking about Matsuda here._

_I thought you weren't talking at all_, L retorted.

"You know, I've been wondering, do you dream? I don't mean in general, but right now. Are you dreaming?"

_No, I'm listening to you prattle on like an idiot. _Still, that beat the dreams L usually had, so he supposed he shouldn't complain too loudly.

"Yagami-_bucho_ told me what he said to you that day. Poor guy. It must have broken his heart. You're lucky to have someone like him."

_Matsuda, you're talking nonsense. I know you hear that a lot, but this time I mean it. Yagami-san hasn't been near me since he left for the hotel and I can't think he said anything to me then that was so terrible._

"I'm glad you emailed him. We've all been worried about him, ever since Light's death. Your being there gave him something to focus on and brought him out of himself. Thank you."

Silence, followed by a quiet creak as Matsuda stood up. "I'm sorry. I really have to go; I have to collect Yukiko from kindergarten. Just let me—there."

Rock music filled the room, albeit softly. L was barely aware when the detective left; he just lay there and drifted in and out, only loosely hanging onto reality. Sounds came and went and meant nothing to him after that first visit. When he came back to himself, the music was over and he was no longer alone. There was a distinctive odor of cigarette smoke and L's nose began to sting.

"Ryuzaki-_san_? Are you—no, you're not awake, are you? I can see that. Well, anyway, I brought you a couple of magazines."

_Wonderful. I can't open my eyes, I can't move my hands and you're bringing me reading material!_

"Oh, and I also picked up two bottles of strawberry _ramune _so you've got something to drink when you wake up."

_You're completely forgiven_.

"I'm glad to see you catching up on your sleep, at any rate. Though I can't help wondering what you're going to say when you wake up and realize how long you've been out."

_What do you mean? How long have I been here?_

"Yagami's happy about it too. Well, not happy that you got shot in the chest and wound up in hospital, but happy that you're relaxing a little."

_Relaxing? In case it slipped your notice, I can't move, I can't speak and I can't see! How the hell do you expect me to relax?_

"He said you were suffering from burnout. That's rough. I had the same thing when I was in college, although that was for a whole other reason which I won't bore you with now. I guess in your case it's not all that surprising. I mean, you being L and everything. Oh, don't worry; I haven't told anyone else about that and I don't intend to. That's your business. Just, if you do tell everyone, let me know, okay? I don't want to look like an idiot."

There was the sound of a chair being pulled out followed by a slight creaking sound as the visitor sat down on it.

"I'm not sure I can stay long, as Yagami will probably be along at any minute and I think he's still pissed at me for that shooting fiasco in the hotel."

_What fiasco? What __happened?_

"Anyway, since I screwed up so badly, I've been suspended from duty pending a full inquiry. God knows how long that's going to to take to happen, so I guess we're both stuck on the outside for a while. I envy you in a way; at least you've got people to visit you everyday. You must be very special to them." The voice lowered a little. "Though I get to flirt with some of these nurses, so maybe I got the better deal after all. The one who gives you your sponge bath is _really _cute; you don't know what you're missing. Oh, but don't worry; she always shoos me out of the room before it begins, so I've never, well, seen anything. Yagami told them you're a little shy."

L cringed inwardly. He _hated_ sponge baths. He'd had three since he'd...well, you couldn't call it waking up, since his eyelids still refused to do what they were told, but since coming back to himself. The sensation itself was quite pleasant, but the way the nurses just went right ahead and handled his body as though he had no opinion on the matter left him screaming inside for a long time afterward.

_I'd trade with you any day._

"Oh, and if you don't wake up, then I get your bike. Just so you know."

_Over my dead body!_ Well, alright, that was more or less what the voice was getting at and he did have a vague recollection of writing something down to that effect, but even _so_!

"You saved Yagami's life, but then you probably knew that already."

_I wouldn't mind a few details. And you could at least wait until I'm dead before you start fighting over my stuff!_

"He also said—" here the voice switched abruptly into English— "Oh no! You know the rules. You're not allowed in here!"

_What did he say that for?_

Roger's voice, thin and dry, answered him in the same language. "I just wanted to ascertain that L was still unconscious."

"Yeah, well, you've ascertained it, now get out. And please restrict all future _ascertaining_ to the other side of the door! It's more than my job's worth to let you in here."

"I was under the impression that your _job_ wasn't worth anything at present." Slightly frosty now, Roger added, "I was also under the impression that you were a South Korean immigrant who couldn't speak a word of either English or Japanese."

"I'm a quick study. Now _leave_." The voices were growing fainter now as darkness crawled into L's mind again. He didn't even hear what Roger said in reply. His last conscious thought was one of irritation that his visitors hadn't set the music going again before they left.

* * *

L didn't know how long he was out for. It was difficult to tell when the whole world was in darkness, and none of his visitors had thought to tell him the date. All he knew was that suddenly he heard his door open followed by the now familiar sound of someone coming over to sit beside him.

"Ryuzaki?"

_Oh great. What do you want?_

"No, well, I guess you wouldn't answer. I don't know if you can even hear me. I'm only really here to make sure you're not alone when you wake up. Yagami-_bucho_ gave orders that someone stays with you around the clock. He doesn't want you to wake up without him knowing about it." Pause. "I hope you _do_ wake up soon. You're not my favorite person, but I've never wanted you dead. And what you did for Yagami...it was a good thing. Well, it was an amazing thing. I don't know anyone who would have done something like that, except possibly Matsuda. I'm not sure you and I will ever be friends, but I had to stop by and say thank you for saving Yagami. And...whatever you decide to do, I'll back you. No accusations. No questions asked."

_I appreciate that, but you still can't have your key money back. And it's all very well saying I saved Yagami-san, but how the hell did I do it?_

"Anyway, I just wanted you to know that." There was a creak as the visitor stood up again, then the sound of soft footsteps going away followed by the sound of a door opening and closing. After that there was silence, broken only by the sound of his own breathing.

_Why can't I open my eyes?_

There was no answer. His other mind had been quieter than usual lately, but that didn't matter. He wasn't interested in the voice in his mind. He was too busy missing a very special voice in the real world. A voice that had come to mean safety and security in his lexicon.

_Where is he? Doesn't he like me anymore?_

_You don't know that for sure. __You've no idea what time it is; for all you know, it could be midnight. You don't even know which hospital you're in. He's never let you down before. You can trust him. You know you can._

Did he sleep? He didn't know. Inside the blackness of his own eyelids, he had no way of knowing what was sleep and what wasn't. All he knew was that he never heard anyone come in, nor sit down, but all of a sudden his right hand was enveloped in warmth and gentle pressure.

_That feels very nice._ Of course, voices were nice too, but they were disembodied. L wanted physical contact, wanted to know for certain that someone was there with him and he wasn't just hallucinating.

"Ryuzaki—"

_YAGAMI-SAN!_

"—thank you. You saved my life."

_You're welcome. Now PLEASE tell me how I did it! _L struggled to force his eyes open, to twitch his hand, _anything_, but his muscles wouldn't respond. He was trapped in the dark, a prisoner in his own body.

"Sayu's going to come by later and Sachiko asked me to tell her what your favorite food was, as she's planning a celebratory meal for when you wake up. They also bought you something to cheer you up, although again, you'll have to wake up if you want to see it."

_I'm trying! God, can't you see I'm trying? What are you, blind?_

"I told her you liked salmon rice balls and anything with chicken, and strawberries, although I think she knows that already. Sayu suggested strawberry meringue pie."

_Then Sayu is a wonderful, caring person and you should be very proud of the way she's turned out. _

"I hope that'll be alright. If not, I'm sure you can request something else; even after you wake up, you'll probably be here for a few days."

_Not if I can help it_.

"It's been a while since I came to sit with you, hasn't it? I hope you don't think I've forgotten you."

_No, I never thought you forgot me, Yagami-san. I thought you just didn't care about me anymore._

"Things have just been a little hectic recently. Sachiko's now under house arrest."

_...What?_

"She was their ultimate target. You were wrong about the religious connections, Ryuzaki, but that doesn't matter."

_Yes it does. I told you not to place too much faith in me, Yagami-san._

"These people went out of their way to set it up to look like the work of some cult. That theory you came up with in the hospital was the correct one; I was the target."

_So...I was wrong, or I wasn't?_

"Although I think the murders were some kind of sacrifice to Kira, so you weren't so far out. You see? You made a mistake and the world didn't come to an end." The pressure on his hand increased a little. "And the doctors say you're out of danger and there's no risk of brain damage. You don't know how glad I was to hear that. I was able to sleep properly for the first time since you did what you did."

_Yes, alright, but what did I do?_

"And I have to say, Ryuzaki, that if you ever put me through this kind of hell again, I will..." There was a pause. L got the feeling that Soichiro was racking his brains trying to think of a dire enough threat. "Well, I'll come up with something."

_I don't understand. Everyone keeps telling me I saved his life. Why is he so angry with me?_

_Not a clue. But at least he's alive to be angry with you._

_In case you've forgotten, Yagami-san being angry with me is not a good thing, especially if I don't understand why. What did I do wrong?_

There was no answer and L went back to trying to force his eyes open. There had to be some way he could communicate with Soichiro. He'd heard stories of people in his situation managing to recover just when they most needed to, such as five minutes before the life support machine was switched off.

"You just concentrate on getting better, if that's what you want to do."

_Yes, of course it is. But I don't want to get better just so you can kill me. _L valued Soichiro's good opinion too much to want to anger him. No one else had ever cared enough to correct his behavior or teach him how to be normal, or put up with his explosions. He hadn't exploded at Watari very often, but when he did, Watari's reaction was always to just lock him in his room and let the explosion run its course. He'd never been allowed to explode in front of someone before he met Soichiro.

"Ryuzaki, I was talking to Matsuda. He said it's impossible to be sure since he's never seen any sign, but he thinks you're still in there somewhere."

_Yes! Yes, he's right! I can't open my eyes but you have to stay. I'm sure I'll be able to wake up in a few minutes._

There was a long pause, then Soichiro cleared his throat.

"The thing is, well, you've been in here for a few weeks now, and something's come up."

_What are you saying?_

_Isn't it obvious? You're boring now you're unconscious, so now he's discovered something more fun to do. He came back to say goodbye. You're going to be all alone. Again._

"—probably wouldn't bother with it," Soichiro was saying, "but the last two victims were Japanese and since I was the one investigating the case earlier, they've requested I go over there. Or to be more precise, Tatenaka has told them I will."

Long pause.

"And, well, I'm hoping you'll wake up before that happens. Sachiko and Sayu are happy to look after you when you get back to the old HQ, so you'll be perfectly safe until I get back, but I'd like to leave Japan knowing you're going to recover."

_Of course I'm going to recover. There are too many things I haven't seen or done. I haven't even been to a movie theater; I'm sure I'd enjoy that. Now please wake me up so that I can eat pie!_

There was another much longer silence, during which L tried and failed to wrestle some control over his mutinous body. There had to be _something_ he could do.

"I don't think I'll be in any danger, so if you can hear this, I don't want you worrying about me. _Or_ trying to follow me! You're very weak – how that bullet missed anything vital, I'll never know – and the best thing you can do is rest and get better. I'm not leaving for a few weeks, not until Tatenaka's managed to negotiate some kind of visa from somewhere. Maybe not even then if they catch who did it before I go. I'll be advising from here until then, so if I'm not around as much or as often as I have been, it's not because I don't want to be. Alright?"

_No, it's not alright! You have Sayu and Sachiko to keep you company! I only have a few random visitors now and then!_

"I mean it, Ryuzaki. You won't be alone here. You'll be completely safe. I promise."

_Promise is just a word, Yagami-san. It doesn't mean anything._

_That's not fair. When has he ever broken a promise to you?_

_Well, he hasn't made all that many, so I don't think I've got sufficient experience to—_

_But he's never broken the ones that he did make,_ his other mind interrupted. _If he promises you'll be completely safe, then you'll be completely safe. _

_How can he keep me safe if he's not here? What's Sayu going to do, hit tennis balls at them?_

_You know Yagami-san will have planned for this. He'll put his own men to guard you. That's probably what they were doing here. Didn't Matsuda say something about Aizawa having the Roger shift?_

"Alright, Ryuzaki. You probably need your rest anyway, and I can't stay long this time; it's just a flying visit. I had to come and see you in case there had been some change, but it seems not."

_No, there's change! I promise you there's change! I know I look unconscious but I'm not. I'm not!_

His voice, however, refused to say the words his mind was screaming and in any case, it was already too late. The warm, comforting hand withdrew and he was alone in the dark again. Seconds later, he heard the door open and close.

_How could he abandon me? Doesn't he know I need him?_

_How can he? You look like you're unconscious. He probably thinks you can't hear a word he's saying._

_Oh really? Then why did he talk to me and hold my hand? He knows I can hear him, or at least, he thinks I can and that doesn't answer my question._

His other mind was silent for a few seconds. Then: _You know he'll come back. He'll keep checking you until the very last moment. Until he has to go to...well, wherever he's going. Where is he going, anyway?_

_I don't know; I didn't catch it. SOMEONE was distracting me._

_Well, I suppose we'll find out when we wake up. When are we going to wake up, by the way? It's getting a little dull lying here in the dark._

L didn't see the need to dignify this with an answer – his other mind was just trying to annoy him again – and instead turned his attention to the mammoth task of wrestling with his eyelids.

Before he could get anywhere with either of them, however, his mind slithered away from him and he fell into unconsciousness again.


End file.
